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Age gap of 6 years plus

(40 Posts)
MrsGiraffe12 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:16:54

I don't know why I didn't notice this before, but when this baby arrives DS will be 6 years 3 months.

Now I never thought of a gap like this to be an issue but DS will be in year 7 when baby is in reception class.

Friends rather than being positive have been slightly negative, ie:
* good luck finding activities for them to do together
* they won't ever be friends / play together

Any mums here with a 6 year gap or more care to shed light on how it is :-) xx

MirandaWest Tue 18-Feb-14 16:19:33

I don't have experience of being a mum with that age gap but my sister is 7.5 years younger than me with the same gap in school years. We've always got on well together and I was always happy doing things she could do well. I'd look on the positive side smile

PenguinsEatSpinach Tue 18-Feb-14 16:21:32

It will be a different relationship, but there is no reason it should be a worse one. Two close family members have big gaps with siblings and are just as close as my brother and me with the classic two year gap.smile

PenguinsEatSpinach Tue 18-Feb-14 16:21:33

It will be a different relationship, but there is no reason it should be a worse one. Two close family members have big gaps with siblings and are just as close as my brother and me with the classic two year gap.smile

Clobbered Tue 18-Feb-14 16:24:12

Ignore the nay-sayers. Relationships are all about personalities, not age-gaps. Chances are it will be completely fine. I had 7, 6 and newborn and the three of them get on brilliantly.

starfishmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 16:31:01

Ssimilar to Miranda. My bother is 7 years older than me. Sure we had our falling outs but generally got on well (still do!). Because.of the gap we were never at the same school at the same time so the teachers never compared us as I have seen happen with other closer in age siblings.

Of course I was expecting my big brother to introduce me to possible boyfriends which never happened!!

starfishmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 16:33:39

That should be brother!!

Well I wouldn't like to suggest that you will have the same experience as me, but I've found it an incredibly difficult age gap.
They bicker a LOT and rarely find any common ground. But I think that's mostly down to the personality of my youngest.

I am currently 15 weeks with a daughter who turns 6 in march. I did initially think oh big age gap but work commitments meant I had no choice but to wait. I am actually really looking forward to it. My daughter is so excited and I know she'll never feel pushed out by the new baby as she's been so involved so far. Anyone I have spoken to has said it's actually a nice age gap.one of my work colleagues is 6 years younger than her sister and they get on fine, even as children they did. X x x

weebigmamma Tue 18-Feb-14 16:58:32

My girl will be 9 when ours arrives. I've just decided that

a) all families are different
b) you'll always get people being negative about stuff- ignore them. All ages gaps have their difficulties. Me and my sis were close together and fought like cat and dog until we were adults!
c) there are definite advantages eg she'll be able to get me a nappy when I need one and the wee one will have a big sis to look up to. Plus, no trying to look after a new born with a toddler around- yay!

Piggytastic Tue 18-Feb-14 17:00:43

I have a one year and an 8 year old, both boys, they are absolutely besotted with each other and older ds likes to push ds2 in his buggy and loves to play with him. They both beam whenever they see each other! Lovely age gap ;) xx

Piggytastic Tue 18-Feb-14 17:01:29

Oh and there has never been even a tiny bit of jealousy

Fairypants Tue 18-Feb-14 17:05:36

My sisters are 5 and 7 years younger than me. I get on best with the youngest which is entirely down to personality. I treated her more like a doll than anything else when we were younger and there is a definite parental edge to how she treats me now (esp since our mum passed away).
There will be 16/11 years between dd1 & 2 and dc3 so am expecting more of the doll type treatment. Dd1 is worried she will miss out on spending too much time with her sibling as she will be going to uni when he/she is only 2 so we will have to make a special effort there.
I would expect that they will play but in a different way and be less competitive than siblings with less of an age gap.

catchingzeds Tue 18-Feb-14 17:07:43

We have exactly the same gap and so far it has been fab. My youngest is now 18 months and the boys are great together. I think it helps that the eldest is quite laid back, caring and sensitive he really is a fantastic big brother.
DS1 didn't want a sibling and cried when we told him about the pregnancy but now says he wants a sister! He is always telling his little brother that he's his most favourite person in the world smile

MrsGiraffe12 Tue 18-Feb-14 17:08:55

Thanks everyone. I see the positives such as DS will be at school whilst I'm at home with a baby, so lots of time with baby, then when baby is in bed DS will have time etc.

I guess I'm disheartened at all the negativity about such a big age gap when most of the friends with the comments know me and DH were trying for another DC for almost 2 years then had a MC last year so it's been a difficult road to give DS a sibling. Will be just over 3 years by the time this baby is born from the time we started TTC x

Badvoc Tue 18-Feb-14 17:11:33

I have a 5.3 year age gap with my sons.
Ds1 started in year 6 and ds2 started reception last year.
They are very different characters but adore one another.
Both boys have had lots of quality time with me 1-1 as babies and toddlers.
It's worked well for us.

Fatone Tue 18-Feb-14 17:14:37

I have a DS of 9 and a DS of 2 and they ABSOLUTELY ADORE each other. It is so lovely to watch. The younger one looks up to his big bro so much and loves to come to school in his pushchair for school pick up when most of his brothers class all make a huge fuss of him. My 9 year old is proud as punch of his little bro - loved all the milestones along with us - found it hilarious when he was learning to speak new words etc. And he is also very grateful to not be an only child anymore. The only slight problem is that the 2 year old thinks he is 9 - which is manageable at the moment but I dread it when he will be 9 going on 16! You are blessed, enjoy every moment smile

cupcake78 Tue 18-Feb-14 17:15:11

5 years 9 months between mine and they adore each other! Agree its personalities over age.

Fatone Tue 18-Feb-14 17:17:25

... Don't forget you can have 2 siblings very close in age who really clash personality wise and just don't get on. That can be very difficult if they are sharing toys/friends etc. There should be no rivalry between your two with that gap which I think gives them rounder more individual personalties - but with the security of a sibling when required (but of course I'm bias)

Jas Tue 18-Feb-14 17:18:07

DD1 started yr 7 when ds started reception. It was lovely when he was tiny - she was old enough not to be jealous, and it was almost like only having one when she was at school. (DD1 and 2 are only 15 months apart so they were both at school by the time he was born)

They are 8, 13 and 14 now. DD1 and ds are pretty close, and do find things they can do together. The girls are already old enough to entertain themselves if I want to do something with ds that they are not interested in.
DD2 is very different in personality, which I think has more impact than the age gap, whatever that is.

Congratulations. xx

diamondlizard Tue 18-Feb-14 17:18:29

hi we have a 6 year age gao as our middle child died shortly after he was born, and yet idiots that dont even have a large age gap try to poo poo things so sorry your friends havent been more positive

ds2 is only 4 months and so far its been really really great
dd is wonderful with him

myself i have several siblings i get one best with the eldest who is 7 years older than me
as we have never really been rivals
and he was always v sweet to mesmile

im hoping ds2 and dd have the same kind of relationship

i think alot of people are at the stage where they dont want anymore children and they have to convince themselves that no having anymore is right for them,so they kinda poo poo it when others do by saying stuff like oh i dont fancy those sleepless nights etc
when really they could easily say congratulations how lovely

best of luck op
all famil;ies are unique

oversomeniagara Tue 18-Feb-14 17:20:06

My brother is 7 years younger than me and it took a long time for us to get on because we were always at such different stages. For example, he was in nursery school/infant school when I was going through puberty and didn't understand about my need for privacy and I was quite intolerant of him and to my shame, was quite nasty to him sometimes.

In many ways my mum has ended up with two 'only' children. From my experience, I would prepare your DS for the fact that babies are quite boring for a long time. I had wanted a brother or sister for a long time and when he did arrive, after the initial excitement, I remember feeling very disappointed by how little he could do. I also went through periods of being jealous at the loss of attention but that could just be me being a bit of a drama queen!

However, we do get on very well now (28 and 21) and during the time I lived at home after uni and he was going through illness, we were really close and a great support for each other. It just took a long time to get there.

greengiraffe Tue 18-Feb-14 17:27:03

A sibling is for life, not just for childhood.

I have a five year gap, and that's what I say to negative comments. Mine do play together sometimes anyway. I have a two year gap between me and my sister and we have never been close.

BabyMummy29 Tue 18-Feb-14 17:30:53

My sister is 8 years older than me. When I was in primary school, she was in secondary. When I was in secondary, she had left home.

We actually grew up like 2 only children, rarely spent time together or had anything in common.

We have never been close - don't know if it's because of the age gap or because we are just totally different kinds of people.

AwfulMaureen Tue 18-Feb-14 17:31:40

MrsGIraffe...my sister is ten years older than me...I have two other siblings who are closer in age but my oldest sister is the one I am closest to.

It's a lottery if you ask me...as for things we did together...LOADS. She took me to the fair, the bonfire and when she got her first job, shopping and to cafes.

I have magical memories of her taking me out and about. It's a different relationship to that which my DDs have...they play together but my sister and I have a relationship JUST as special...only different. She's 50 now and I'm 40...still speak daily on the phone. grin

weebigmamma Tue 18-Feb-14 17:37:16

My 9yr old is just looking forward to having a sister I think. She knows they won't play together much but she had already requested that the baby sleeps in her room (I think she'll get over that quite quickly!) and she's totally ready to be the big sister and get him addicted to Pokemon as soon as possible etc :-) I love her excitement about it although I know she's nervous too because she's always had a lot of my attention. But I just think it'll work out OK. We don'[t always get to choose the age gaps do we, and plenty of siblings with big age gaps adore one another. As I said my sister and I hated one another's guts and we were only 4 years apart. We nearly drove my mum demented but now we're best mates! Things will work out fine :-)

AmandaHE Tue 18-Feb-14 18:59:42

I have an almost 10 and almost 8 year old and about to have another in a few weeks...! I have some of the same worries and some of the same comments! Thankfully one of my best friends accidentally got pregnant a few weeks before me and will have the very same age gap so I have someone to worry about it with...but the GOOD comments have all been about how wonderful it will be for the older ones - that they can get really involved, they will be kept a bit 'younger' eg they will have a good excuse for watching cbeebies (which they secretly prefer to the older shows) and that they'll learn lots and learn a valuable life lesson that the world doesn't revolve around them so much. At the moment the school run scares me, I could get away with turning up to playgroup late in my PJs last time I had a newborn but getting the older ones to school on time is a non negotiable now! I dont worry about the closeness though - I think it will be different but special. My mum and her brother had a 15 year age gap and particularly as adults were incredibly close families. But you're exactly right - all families are different and such an amazing blessing of a child is going to outweigh all of the worries and meany comments.

TamerB Tue 18-Feb-14 19:07:41

It is personality. My older one was in year 9 when he started reception- they get on better than the one close in age.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 18-Feb-14 19:09:24

People have an opinion on anything baby related! Some relatives scowled and said "not a good idea" when my cousin had 3 children under 5, some of the same people also said "not a good idea" to my aunt having a 6 year age gap between hers so you can't win!
There are 2 years between me and DSis and 8 between me and DBro, my sister and I fought like cats and dogs but always adored and got on well with my bro.
I'm pregnant now with DC2 and DC1 will be almost 7 when this baby arrives. He understands enough about pregnancy to be excited without being jealous and is over the moon about being a big brother, I don't think he would have coped with it a couple of years ago.
Ignore the negative nonsense and enjoy your DC!

ToodlesMcToodles Tue 18-Feb-14 19:10:35

I have a 10yr age gap between my DC, 14yrs and 4yrs

Currently they are sitting together playing lego and DS has just told his big sister she's his best friend

Yes they do different stuff a lot of the time and have different needs but we're still a family of 4 with close relationships.

I never understand how a 2yr age gap between siblings means they'll get on. My DSis and I are chalk and cheese and not close at all despite being 2yrs apart.

I feel I just have to put more thought into family outings / holidays to make sure there's enough to keep us all amused / happy.

Turquoisetamborine Tue 18-Feb-14 19:16:09

I think weebigmamma summed it up nicely. I have a son of 6 and we've been ttc for three years. I wanted a four year gap ideally. We are having IVF now so he will be nearly 7 if it works. I couldn't give a toss really. It just really doesn't matter.

I have age gaps of 4 yrs, 7yrs and 12 yrs with my brothers and get on the least with the 4yr gap. Mostly because the others are nice and have compatible personalities with me. My H has a brother two years younger and never sees him, doesn't like him and never did growing up.

Fairylea Tue 18-Feb-14 19:16:17

I have 11 years between mine.

It's been lovely and they adore each other and there is no jealousy. The most difficult thing I've found is struggling to give them both my time when they so clearly need totally different things. But I have managed to get ds into a good routine of bedtime at 6 (he's 19 months) so dd has time on her own with us after he's in bed and dh looks after ds sometimes so I can have time out with dd doing shopping or cinema or whatever.

One of the hardest things for me was realising I'd forgotten how awful and soul destroying those first 6 weeks are with a new baby. I honestly thought the sleep deprivation was going to kill me. I'd just forgotten how bad it is and being 11 years older than with dd it just made me desperately fed up.

But that goes quickly. The rest is good smile

mewkins Tue 18-Feb-14 19:31:59

Me and my dsis have just 12 months between us and though we are very close I was a very shy younger sibling as never had to do anything on my own. I hope that by having a bigger gap (4yrs) between dc they will each have their own character friends and opportunities away from their sibling.

My DS will be just 5 when this little one arrives and I had the same concerns especially when we discovered we were having a girl however my DS is so excited about about his sister its like they have a really special bond already and I honestly don't think he would have that same level of excitement if he was say 18 months - 2 years.

I used to obsess over the "right" age gap but after 2 miscarriages I'm just so happy to be expecting again.

Try not to worry about it Hun - every family is different and a bond between siblings comes down to more than the age gap between them.

X

MrsGiraffe12 Tue 18-Feb-14 20:50:24

Thanks again all.

Next time someone says something negative ill just say something along the lines of "bugger off. It's took us 3 years and a miscarriage to give A a sibling. This baby is a blessing!!" Or maybe something a bit less snotty.

DS is just so excited to be a big brother and nothing anyone can say will take the joy of seeing him like that away from me and DH xx

Foxeym Tue 18-Feb-14 21:19:51

My DS is 18 weeks and I have 2DDs of 12 and15 so I've had a relatively small gap and now a large one. It is very strange feeding a new baby in one arm whilst helping my DD with her GCSEs but the girls are fab with him and such a help

time2deal Tue 18-Feb-14 21:24:50

My older brother is only 14 months older than me, and my sister is 6 years younger. I'm much closer to my sister, and even to my baby brother who is 10 years younger than me. Just realised that means my older brother was 11 when my younger brother was born!

You never know how the relationships will turn out!

Mim78 Tue 18-Feb-14 22:42:25

I am going to have a 5 year age gap between mine and everyone has been really positive. Saying things like there won't be as much jealousy and dd is old enough to understand etc.

Ok they won't be playmates right away but family over the road to us have two dds with 5 year gap (now in year 1 and 6) and they do play together and get on we'll. they have joint hobby of dancing if that is any help.

textbook Tue 18-Feb-14 22:57:31

My dd1 is 6, and dd2 is 21 weeks. We had (and still get!) some negative comments regarding the age gap. However, they adore each other, dd1 writes secret letters to her baby sister about how lovely she is, and regularly tells me how glad she is that mummy had a baby for her. Dd2 has smiles for dd1 when she's teething and miserable with everyone else. Watching them together is the best feeling in the world, and dd1 loves to help with nappy changes etc, which we've always encouraged to make sure she feels included. We also got a buggy on which the handle lowers so dd1 can push it - she now leaves her scooter at home every day so she can proudly push her sister home.

So in summary, ignore the naysayers grin

Ditsydebs Wed 19-Feb-14 10:33:19

DS1 will be 11 and DS2 9 when DS3 arrives in around ten weeks time. I have also had some negative comments but also many positives. We went into this with our eyes open and realise at times it will be hard juggling a toddler and a teenager but we are up for the challenge and can't wait to see our older two bond with their baby sister and from the type of girls they are I can see them being little mummies to her!

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