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how do you feel about having never experienced labour and giving birth?

(58 Posts)
orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 14:26:34

In 4 months I will give birth to twins. It seems likely that they will be delivered by ElCS, as my first child was, due to breech presentation, and I'm pretty sure I won't have any more children. So I tell myself: "all these children and I will never have experienced the pain and joy of giving birth vaginally", which for me will be a huge regret on my deathbed. Even before I conceived the first one, I dreamt of having a home birth, and although I am at peace with the fact that I will never have one, I'm still thinking: "perhaps I could still try this time around for VBAC with twins?". The healthcare professionals at my hospital, as well as my partner and close family are against it, plus I have a very bad relationship with doctors anyway and there would be a huge amount of extra practical preparations and unknowns to worry about.
Like any mother, my priority is to have two healthy babies, and I would choose to have an ElSC as I would never put their health at risk because of my own fixation on a VBAC. But...I tell myself: what if I could protect their health and give myself the joy of giving birth naturally?

Ultimately, I appreciate it is my decision, but I'm looking for other people's stories of being in a similar situation.
What did you tell yourselves to accept that you didn't have the birth you always wanted?

what did you do in the end?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

applejacket Mon 16-Dec-13 14:34:27

aww i am sorry you feel like this OP flowers

i am pg with dc3 and will have a section. i had elcs with the other 2 as well as i didn't want to have a vaginal birth, for lots of reasons

and i have to say i don't feel i have missed out at all, particularly with some of the awful v-birth stories i have heard on here and amongst my friends

my cs's were great, positive experiences. honestly it does not matter how you give birth as long as mum and baby / s are safe and healthy

Mabelandrose Mon 16-Dec-13 14:39:38

I can understand. It's something most women wish to experience. I think it's a very normal feeling so don't be too hard on yourself.

Best of luck which ever way you choose!

Aquariusgirl86 Mon 16-Dec-13 14:45:23

I understand, and despite giving birth vaginally to both my babies one was vontouse and the other forceps, so I don't feel like I've done it properly which I know sounds silly. I was told baby 3 should probably be a section but would be my choice. It's a hard choice but like you say ultimately healthy children is the outcome you want. Can't really offer any advice but just say I know where you are coming from grin

MolotovCocktail Mon 16-Dec-13 14:51:26

I'm sorry to read that you feel this way, OP thanks

I think however, that you need perspective. You have had one baby safely and the odds are that your twins will be delivered safely into your arms, too.

You are incredibly fortunate to be able to conceive and carry the babies you have to term.

If you can't help yourself out of thw very negative thoughts you're having, perhaps you could ask to see an ante-natal counsellor?

Good luck, and I wish you a happy birth for you and your twins.

MolotovCocktail Mon 16-Dec-13 14:53:38

* The desire to labour and deliver vaginally isn't the negativity I was referring to. It was the OPs 'regrets and deathbed' comment.

givemeaclue Mon 16-Dec-13 14:57:23

Didn't bother me in slightest. Why would it? Who cares how they get here a safe delivery is all that matters. But I had years of ivf , to have children was a dream come true I couldn't have cared how they came future, not important Lu,u health babies.

givemeaclue Mon 16-Dec-13 14:58:43

Why is giving birth "naturally" a joy? Is it not the end result that is the joy, hours of pain is not a joyful experience

MrsSpencerReid Mon 16-Dec-13 14:59:08

DS was an emergency section, I wasn't in labour and I'm hoping this one will be an elective section. I'm not at all bothered that I won't have done it 'properly'. I have a beautiful healthy son, no one else cares how he made his exit!!
The only worry I have is a ctg I had the other day showed a period of regular 'tightenings' never having had a contraction how am I supposed to know if I start having them?! But then I guess first time mums could say the same thing!

bevbennett100 Mon 16-Dec-13 15:03:42

I really don't think you'll care about how you gave birth once you meet your babies. You will be so stuck by how utterly adorable they are. Plus your mind will be so busy questioning how you keep them happy, keep them safe, raise them to be contented adults.

The birth is a really big deal before you've had your baby, but as soon as they are there with you it will fade into almost insignificance. You will be far to busy caring and bringing up your new additions to worry about how they actually made their appearance.

Tomkat79 Mon 16-Dec-13 15:07:55

OP may I suggest that you light a candle, get naked and squat over the flame TWICE.....coz that it what you are missing out on fwink

MidnightRose Mon 16-Dec-13 15:11:41

I think its normal to feel that way. Giving birth can be a massive thing that people give lots of thought to before they have a baby and for it to not go the way expected can be hard to deal with. I personally did have a vb which was actually a great experience but me and my baby were very sick afterwards and spent a long time in hospital and feel the same way about those early weeks, snuggling and bonding on the sofa that I missed out on. In the end I got a healthy baby which ultimately is the main thing.

pingulingo Mon 16-Dec-13 15:11:59

I am curious to know how I would have coped with a natural birth. But I only occasionally think of that. I'm mostly just overwhelmingly thankful that after one emergency section and one elective ( for a prem baby) that all three of us are here safe and well. Looking back It could have very easily been a lot worse - I dwell on that more

tinsletits Mon 16-Dec-13 15:16:51

I have had 3 elcs and 1 emergency cs. First one was after a largely uneventful labour. All 3 elcs were a wonderful and special experience with nil stress and fab recoveries. Personally I feel lucky to have had positive experiences regardless of mode of delivery. Please don't think of missing out, think of the positives of elcs.

Rosencrantz Mon 16-Dec-13 15:20:01

Completely agree with givemeaclue.

Ripping my fanny to shreds wasn't a joy. My children are.

SolitudeSometimesIs Mon 16-Dec-13 15:27:18

Heading for CS number 2 here myself and I in no way feel like I've missed out. Although I can see what you mean. We are sort of persuaded and convinced throughout our lives that vaginal birth is "better", even in antenatal class the majority of time is spent on preparing for VB and the recovery afterwards, a small proportion of time was spent on CS. It can have quite a depressing effect if you feel like you've "failed" by not experiencing it.

I would have died, as would DS if I hadn't had a CS. But one of the first comments from a "friend" was "Oh, were you too posh to push" along with head tilt and smug smile. Our friendship has never recovered.

Please don't feel like you've missed out. The birth is the bit before the hard work starts. As long as those babies and you are safe, well and healthy that is all that matters. I had dreams of pottering around, managing the pain stoically with a TENS machine (in reality I would have been a howling banshee), it didn't happen. I didn't have a choice that DS's birth ended in CS but at the end of the day, I have my son.

lizziekal Mon 16-Dec-13 15:28:20

I can't speak from previous experience as I'm a first-timer but because of a couple of issues which render me high-risk the subject of an ELCS has been raised by my care team. I honestly can't imagine I will be having future pregnancies (it's taken me 14 years to get here) and so this may well be my one and only chance at birth, as such the idea that I may not go through labour and vaginal birth does make me rather sad. I'm of an age when I have heard a large variety of horror stories concerning both vaginal birth and caesereans (both emergency and elective) and I am under no illusions about the pain and risks associated with both but, call me an old yoga-teaching, hippy (I confess), I do regard vaginal birth as something of a rite of passage.
Yes, the most important thing is that both mother and baby are okay, and yes I appreciate that there are a number of perfectly valid reasons why some women opt for an ELCS and I believe that it is their right to give birth as they see fit. BUT for me I would like the chance to go through the physical process of vaginal birth, in a sense I want to see what my body is capable of and how I respond to the process.

ovenbun Mon 16-Dec-13 15:35:50

As long as my baby arrives safely, I will feel hugely lucky. My birth plan is ' Hopeful outcome: healthy baby, healthy mum Method: Do what you need to do.'

I think huge emphasis is placed on vaginal birth and it is great for those that are able to deliver that way safely, but I also thank my lucky stars for c sections which save many babies and mums lives.

It's sad that you feel this is something you will regret on your deathbed, as you will have wonderful babies to cherish. If you are worried about the health implications of csection please do speak to your consultant, they will be happy to explain exactly why they feel this is the safest way to deliver your twins and what the benefits and risks are. Try not to see it as anyone being 'against' you...it's more likely they are trying to do things the safest way for you and your babies. There are lots of organisations about who can offer support to talk about birth experiences if you have some sadness about your last delivery, wishing you a healthy pregnancy xxx

Steben Mon 16-Dec-13 15:38:37

I experienced a natural labour that ended in a EMCS - the 28 hour ordeal that preceded the birth was a painful and frightening time (and I think unnecessary as it was clear DD would never have come out the natural route). My second baby was an ELCS which could not have been a more lovely, calm experience. I have had several people ask if I feel cheated and my answer is an unequivocal no. You are no less of a woman, or a mother because you have delivered by c section.

ThurlHoHoHow Mon 16-Dec-13 15:39:05

I think part of it at the moment is a bit of a fetishisation of natural birth. All this hypno, waterbirthing stuff - it's great, and if it works for someone then wonderful, but it there becomes this undercurrent of selling a vaginal birth as a wonderful, natural, feminine experiences that will complete you as a woman.

I'm sure for some women giving birth vaginally is a wonderful and empowering experience. But for others it will just be horrifically painful.

There's also this idea of birth plans (and I do believe this ties in with the current popularity of hypnobirthing) and the idea that if you just focus, and work hard enough, then you can have a good vaginal delivery. Which is sadly bollocks. I don't mean to sound against hypnobirthing, with hindsight I think I should have tried it as it sounds a fantastic way of managing the pain, but it does not mean you have any control over the dozens of things that can happen during labour which will effect the way you can give birth.

I had 2 days of labour followed by an emcs. I will be pushing for a elcs if I have any more DC. The contractions I had were more than enough for me, thank you, I have no desire to experience them getting worse grin

I'm sorry you feel disappointed, OP, but as much as a cs is an uncomfortable experience to recover from, a vaginal birth is no walk in the park either.

msmoss Mon 16-Dec-13 15:51:33

It's perfectly reasonable to feel this way. I don't really get why some women are so disparaging about women who want to experience labour and vaginal birth. I was really curious about the whole process and excited to find out what it was all about. I also wanted a healthy baby these two desires are not mutually exclusive!

Biffle Mon 16-Dec-13 17:03:17

I have to say I understand completely where you are coming from op. I have had one emcs and one elcs (due to age gap and severe spd) and I am determined to try for a vbac unless there are complications leading up to the birth that will put either me or the lo at risk. I laboured for 27 hrs with DD1 and still feel like I have been robbed. I am under no illusion that it will be the single most painful experience of my life but it just doesn't feel right to have my babies surgically removed from me and handed over. Obviously only my opinion but a strong one

VJONES1985 Mon 16-Dec-13 17:11:05

My ideal birth would be in water but as a type one diabetic who will most likely be induced and have a c-section, I would be disappointed if it ended up like that. I want to experience childbirth, no matter how awful some people say it is.

However, I do understand that of course the health of baby and mum must come first and I am sure I will put my faith in the professionals at the time

SignoraStronza Mon 16-Dec-13 17:19:54

I did umh and ah about whether or not to go for vbac with dc2, but eventually opted for an elcs instead. If/when I have dc3 I'll go straight for elcs and get sterilised at the same time (dh refuses vasectomy -don't ask!).

I did have some regrets, especially as sil banged on about her amazing drug free waterbirth about the same time I was trying to reach dc2 decision, but now am quite pleased I've never had to go through it to be honest. I did 36 hours of induced labour with dc1 and feel I did my bit. Don't feel any less womanly because I haven't squeezed a baby out my fanjo (or at least dh doesn't think I dogrin ).

nooka Mon 16-Dec-13 17:28:03

I understand where the OP is coming from as I felt that way about my first birth, which was planned as an at home water birth, but became an emergency c-section because of ds's position. I had no labour at all with him, no contractions or anything, my waters broken, they were stained, we went to hospital were (eventually) scanned and he was transverse oblique, so 30 mins later out he came. It wasn't a bad experience, just not the one I had in mind.

16mths later with dd I asked for a VBAC so I could do it 'properly' six hours induced labour and I begged for a c-section! I'd never do that again!

The fact is that me whilst my womb conceives and grows babies very effectively it's no good at getting them out (with dd my waters also broke with no contractions) and so I missed the natural birth experience I wanted. I think that pushed me to make a non optimal decision re syntocin, and I regret that really, I could have gone straight for a c-section and avoided a painful and frightening birth which also damaged my relationship with dh.

Anyway to answer the other bit of the OP's question it's almost 15 years since I had ds and I don't think about the birth of either of my children except in passing. I certainly don't anticipate dwelling on my 'failure' on my deathbed. I think it can become very important when you are coming up to giving birth, but give it a few years and it really won't be as defining. Plus in reality very very few people have birthing experiences that they would describe as joyful (thinking about the process not the outcome)

Slainte Mon 16-Dec-13 17:32:55

Sorry you feel this way.

I really don't understand it though. I had an EMCS and really don't feel I've "missed out" in any way at all.

Spottybra Mon 16-Dec-13 17:36:43

I know a lot of people who had an ideal on their head about giving birth that was encouraged by the midwife and other advice. Only two of my friends had a straightforward birth. The rest of us had various complications wich lead to elcs, emergency cs or tears.

I had to be rushed into surgery for a 4th degree tear and blood loss. I needed 4 blood transfusions and a week in hospital.

I don't think you should worry about how your children come into the world, but be glad that they have their mum. Pregnancy and childbirth is apparently the biggest killer of women. I think that statistic was from the developing countries as we have more medical intervention here. But it makes you think.

KatAndKit Mon 16-Dec-13 17:58:48

Hopefully on your deathbed you will look back on your kids childhood and how you took care of them and raised them into fine young people.

birth is one single day in your life. Its what you do with the child over the next 20 years that actually matters.

louloutheshamed Mon 16-Dec-13 18:40:39

I had ds1 vaginally (catheterised for 2 days, labial and 2nd deg tears), I had ds3 by emcs due to placenta praevia (another 2 day hosp stay, and usual cs recovery).

So I have done it both ways, and they are both horrid. The only nice thing about both of them is the lovely baby at the end.

MyMILisfromHELL Mon 16-Dec-13 18:59:45

The posters who are saying that they 'don't see how giving birth naturally is such a joy' annoy me!

I had a fantastic natural birth. DS was 10lb. I had no grazes/tears. I coped brilliantly. It was euphoric and the best experience of my life so far.

My Dsis had 1 emcs and then a 1 elcs (they wouldn't give her a vbac for no particular reason) She wishes she had a natural birth & feels she missed out. BUT she is happy she's got two lovely, healthy DC. That is all the should matter to you OP, if your only option is CS, that your dc are happy and healthy.

I'm sorry to say I'm glad I had a natural birth. I cried from relief after the birth at my 'achievement'. However, I do realise it's not the be and end all. If I'd had to have had a CS, I'd just have to accept it. Sometimes having a CS is simply the safer option.

Rosencrantz Mon 16-Dec-13 19:01:59

MyMIL... I'm sorry that my painful, traumatic, horrid experience annoys you. I'll try harder to enjoy all the terrible things happening to me, and my ruined body, next time.

DolomitesDonkey Mon 16-Dec-13 19:06:14

I don't give a rat's arse. I wanted children, not a vaginal experience!

TweenageAngst Mon 16-Dec-13 19:09:13

What rozencrantz said. I hated just about every moment of giving birth and if I was mad enough to do it again it would be a section .

Shellywelly1973 Mon 16-Dec-13 19:19:29

I've given birth vaginally 5 times. First birth was a hideous medical experience ending up with a third degree tear& pph.

Dc 2&3 were pretty crap as well.

Dc 4 & 5 were water births. Dc 4 birth was amazing. Its a also hideously painful. Im no earth mother & im a raging control freak!

Currently expecting dc6 & she's breech. Im pretty keen on a cs this time. It really doesn't matter how they get out as long as you & baby are ok at the end of it all.

AlwaysOneMissing Mon 16-Dec-13 19:50:43

I went for VBAC with DC2 after a crash section with my first DC.
I was determined to have VBAC as I wanted the experience like you do.
It was straight forward and uncomplicated.
But it was still awful. And not an experience I am keen to repeat.
The crash section was much nicer!
So remind yourself that vaginal birth can be complicated, extremely painful, physically damaging and pretty traumatic all round.
I also agree with the pp who said that this seems a massive issue now but in the future it will seem pretty insignificant.

Filakia Mon 16-Dec-13 19:58:53

I had one emergency section and an elcs. I did labour the first time around but 'failed to progress', dc was massively overdue so i ended up having a section to save the baby. It was a bit touch and go but luckily dc1 was ok.

I was all into natural birthing and was bitterly disappointed by my 'birth experience'. However I managed to ebf dc1 which helped me feel like my body was able to do 'what it is supposed to do' after all.

I had a planned Caesarian for dc2 as I had a high risk pregnancy and baby was transverse.

I do sometimes feel sad when I hear about really good birth stories (as well as being happy for that person) but I have learned that there can be so many challenges being a parent that I try to focus on the good stuff.

It's a cliche but birth is only the beginning. Your ability to tune in with your children, to create a positive and supportive atmosphere at home, to look out for your dc and parent them to the best if your ability those things count and are in your hands (as opposed to being lucky to have straightforward birth).

CrispyFB Mon 16-Dec-13 19:59:48

I do totally understand. Obviously, obviously healthy mother and baby is most important, but just like with a marriage, that's not to say you don't want a lovely wedding that you had planned too. It's okay to feel disappointment.

I'm a little different from you in that I did get a natural birth with my first, but it was precipitous, early and I had a horrible midwife who made a lot of mistakes (with massive later repercussions) and shouted at me. There were countless other issues, all related to basically rubbish care. I longed for a do-over after that and promised myself I would get one with at least one of my future planned children.

It's not to be. This is DC4, and DC2 was an EMCS after the end result of my birth with DC1 meant I couldn't dilate, and due to the permanent stitch I have in as a result of the mess, I have to have ELCS as there's no other exit.

I'm okay about it most of the time, but sometimes when I hear others talking about their plans for the birth in my due date group I do feel jealous.

My way of dealing with it is to try and get back as much control over the ELCS as I can. Researching "natural"/"gentle" c-sections and seeing what I can get away with, trying to reclaim a little something.

orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 20:46:58

Ovenbun- thank you for your good wishes and understanding. I'm actually going to see the consultant tomorrow, and we have already agreed she would debrief me on my previous ElCS to try to explain why my recovery was so slow. So I'm sure that will help making a decision.

orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 21:03:46

KatandKIt-
you're first sentence made me cry, as what you said is so true! As others have said, perhaps I should just put this into perspective to help me cope.
CrispyFB-
thank you for your kind words. I've agreed with my midwife I could request certain things for my ElCS to make it a little bit more personalised. At the moment it seem really comforting.

I had a vaginal birth (not hoping to say natural as it felt anything but) and it was the most horrific experience of my life, it's really not all its cracked up to be!

Hard as it is you (and I for that matter) need to focus on our wonderful children, in the grand scheme of things how they left our bodies is probably one of the least important things in their lives

orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 21:15:39

Filakia-
I am hoping to ebf and I will hire a bf consultant to help me do that. Your positive attitude is inspiring, I wouldn't want the rest of the family to be negatively affected by the stress caused by my decision to go for BVAC if it makes things more complicated. Thank you for helping me see things slightly differently.

orsettorusso Mon 16-Dec-13 21:24:58

MurderOfGoths-
I'm sorry to hear that you also had a disappointing birth experience.

neunundneunzigluftballons Mon 16-Dec-13 21:31:39

I totally understand OP my first was a section and I wanted and got a VBAC. At all times I like you looked to the bigger picture and the fact that while I might be disappointed but having healthy babies mattered more. Is it definite that a c section is a must if so then I recommend getting a hypnobirthing cd for sections from natal hypnotherapy they are great. It is also great that you are acknowledging your disappointment it will help you move on from it. Wishing you a very exciting time ahead.

crumpet Mon 16-Dec-13 21:40:11

OP I think perhaps you are looking at this from the wrong perspective: the choice for you happened to be CS/danger to you and you baby. Your choice was not vb/ CS.

With the twins, you'll need to be careful to understand which choice is available to you this time.

In times past you may not have survived your first birth and to now be expecting twins. Be grateful for what medicine has enabled you to have, and don't regret what medicine may not be able to provide.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 16-Dec-13 23:25:38

Who cares how the baby gets here?

Being able to grow and nurture a baby inside you is what is the amazing thing about pregnancy, not whether you can push it our your vagina or not.

I'm pregnant with my first baby and have to have an ELCS and I'm not in the least bit fussed - I certainly won't be full of regret on my death bed that I couldn't deliver vaginally hmm

A healthy mom and a healthy baby is the only thing that matters.

FruitbatAuntie Tue 17-Dec-13 00:08:00

Relieved, frankly! grin

Seriously, I suppose it's a bit odd having two children without the whole being in labour story to tell, but trust me, I still felt like I'd 'given birth' after having a c-section, probably by the harder route as the recovery time is so much more.

I can see why you wouldn't want another section after a bad experience first time. My first was an EMCS and I had an awful time with a very slow recovery, it was horrendous. I wasn't so bothered that I'd not had a natural birth, but I was gutted that the experience had been spoilt by how ill and in pain I was afterwards.

Second time round I had an ELCS and it was worlds apart. I was back to normal in no time, barely any pain even the next day. It was so strange I kept expecting it to kick in any second! Maybe it was down to the skill of the surgeon, but several friends have said that their second section was so so much easier than the first one.

As long as you and your babies are safe and well, that really is all that counts when it comes down to it. Mind you I wanted to kill anyone who said that to me after my first birth experience so maybe I should show a bit more empathy here, sorry.

Hope all goes well for you.

SomethingOnce Tue 17-Dec-13 10:36:07

If your birth method turned out to be the main thing you have to regret on your deathbed, it'll have been a great life!

It's just a means to an end.

All the best, OP smile

choceyes Tue 17-Dec-13 10:45:23

I don't care one tiny bit how I give or gave birth.

I have been through labour, 27hrs of active labour plus 3 days before of latent labour. finally nothing doing and had an EMCS for DC1.

I had a ELCS for DC2 and it was wonderful, a truely happy and peaceful experience.
I would never want to go through labour again.
No way do I feel like I was robbed from a vaginal delivary. It's not something I ever think about.

Panzee Tue 17-Dec-13 10:49:05

I have had two ElCS for different reasons, neither of them choice particularly. I've never experienced one contraction.
I do feel wistful, but in a "I wish I'd visited the Maldives" way, not a huge regret.

BitScary Tue 17-Dec-13 11:03:02

Hm.

Don't really understand why people on this are trying to get you to ignore your strong sense of sadness about this. Maybe it seems irrational to them, but it doesn't to you, and ignoring it away won't help.

I had a vaginal birth with my first and it was a very straightforward birth, however, I had an epidural. I had desperately wanted an all-natural birth and for a long time felt sadness that I 'cheated' by having an epidural. During labour I was genuinely astonished and horrified by the level of pain I experienced. I had read up on hynobirthing and thought that it was all just about a positive mindset and staying calm.

If an all-natural birth never happens I'll be OK about it, because I truly know now what a risky enterprise this whole giving-birth thing is. But I'll still be a little bit sad because an all-natural birth is a unique life experience and I'd like to experience it. (However, many who have experienced it would say they wish they hadn't...) Not because it's morally superior in any way, or a woman's true destiny, or anything like that. Just...because.

It's fine to grieve about experiences we'll never have, even if they seem horribly self-indulgent. Because our feelings are our own and no-one else's. There's not one way a woman should feel about it because women are humans and humans are all different from each other. Sometimes I grieve for all those exciting trips across the world I'll never take in my relative youth now that I have DC, for example. Other people couldn't care less.

Panzee Tue 17-Dec-13 11:07:19

The question in the title invites us to share our feelings.

darkdays Tue 17-Dec-13 11:10:15

I understand how you feel. I had my twins by cs and I won't be having any more children, I do feel sad that I have two children yet have never even experienced a contraction. My section was necessary for the health of my babies and It was certainly the right thing to do. They are doing great now. But I found the birth and the first few weeks until I got them home quite traumatic. The most important thing is the health of your beautiful babies. Good luck.

Abitannoyedatthis Tue 17-Dec-13 11:20:32

My first child was born by forceps, I had an epidural so didn't feel the last bit of labour or the birth. My second child was born by ELCS after the trauma of the first. I did feel a tinge of regret and my body did feel like it wanted to push a baby out for a few days after.

It is now 14 years since the birth of my younger child and in the great scheme of things the births are relatively unimportant. I would have liked a quick, manageable labour and leave hospital next morning with BF established but it was not to be.

At the time of course the birth is of great importance. I kept the cot card, the umbilical clip etc from the first birth but have no idea even if I still have them. They are unimportant - I have two healthy teenagers and I am more concerned with getting them through education and into rewarding careers.

Physically I am approaching the menopause and can't believe I once had a young fit body! I have regrets about the births I had and no doubt if my daughters become mothers those may resurface, but you move on and find more important things to dwell on.

IHaveSeenMyHat Tue 17-Dec-13 11:20:36

I had some very idealised ideas about "natural" birth before I actually did it too. I was very pro home birth, but wasn't brave enough to go for it so went to a nice midwife led unit, where I had a water birth.

It was easily the LEAST joyful experience of my life.

I coped with the pain with gas and air, but oh my word the contractions were worse than I could have imagined. The pushing stage was agony. I had a third degree tear.

My personal verdict: natural birth is terribly overrated. PLEASE don't regret this on your deathbed OP, the manner in which you give birth is so inconsequential.

orsettorusso Tue 17-Dec-13 23:50:37

msmoss and Biffle-
thank you for what you said...seeing my thoughts written down by someone else is reassuring...Sorry to hear that neither of you had the birth experience they wanted.
I actually saw my consultant today and had a good cry at home which both helped.

DIYandEatCake Wed 18-Dec-13 05:51:44

I can understand how you feel op - I had an elcs for my first (she was breech) and this time round was desperate for a vbac. I hated feeling that dd's birth was essentially done by other people, the clinical nature of it, not being able to hold dd straight away...
I was very lucky and had a straightforward vbac this time - but if I'm completely honest the best thing about it is the recovery. I'm glad I've had the experience but it's made me realise that it's all just a means to an end - i feel no differently about ds than I did with dd, the bondibg's been the same.
Something that helped me come to terms with my elcs first time round was acknowledging that I was being brave for going through the thing I feared most, and putting my baby's health above my own desires. Having had both ways, the elcs was harder emotionally and physically for me, the recovery sucks, I get annoyed when people call it an easy option. I agree with the other poster who said that it's not a choice of cs/vb but of cs/danger to baby, just try to remember the reasons behind it. All the best.

MaryAnnTheDasher Wed 18-Dec-13 06:49:37

I've had 1 emcs, 1 elcs and am due another elcs in 6 months. No part of me longs to give birth naturally. I'm far more focused on how I will cope with the baby itself once it's here!

MickeyBaubles Wed 18-Dec-13 07:54:43

Hello OP

flowers

I too am sorry you feel this way.
I had a natural VB for my third - no epidural, no gas and air, not even a damned paracetomol and just a bouncy ball for company.

There was no joy involved. It was horrendous and I am not yet over it.
My biggest regret was not pushing for a CS.

The joy of holding my son however...

Please give yourself a break. Yes there are some women for whom a natural birth is empowering/an achievement BUT there are also many who
have PTSD having been through it.

I wish you the joy of healthy children in your arms who you have carried and protected for 9 months.

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