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At what stage did you tell work that you were pg?

(82 Posts)
Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:01:40

In a bit of a quandary - am 7+4 today and really not feeling the greatest. I am on the verge of telling a select few at work so I can take it a bit easy WFH etc. I don't have any concerns re reactions to it - e.g. I know that I am not going to be discriminated, they will be v supportive etc but I just feels a bit wrong telling them so soon as the old rule of thumb is after the 12 week scan.

Oh and we are also going to be doing our planning for 2014 in the next few weeks and my absence is going to be material so I kind of want to be able to share this with at least a few people so we can plan effectively.

Interest to hear what others did and why....

AShowerOfBastards Fri 01-Nov-13 11:09:16

I told them the day aftr my 12 week scan both times, although the first time a few people had already guessed they were very good and didn't own up to having guessed until I made it public knowledge myself.

There were a few instances where I felt awkward knowing I wouldn't be around for certain things but it worked out ok in the end.

I suppose if you are sure they will be fine about it and you know your absence will be significant then they may appreciate an early heads up if you feel comfortable doing so, but you aren't obliged to so it comes down to what youi feel most comfortable doing.

Emilycee Fri 01-Nov-13 11:19:38

I told my manager at 8 weeks because I felt so utterly dreadful and all was fine. I didnt have the option to work from home but she did get off my case a bit which definately helped!

SicknSpan Fri 01-Nov-13 11:28:21

I told work really early because I was so ill with hyperemesis. About 7 weeks. This made things much easier to plan and my boss really appreciated the early warning (it's quite likely I will be off for a great deal of this pregnancy as I was was with previous 2 dc). Like you I was not concerned about discrimination and trusted my boss to be discreet without making him swear an oath!

MissHC Fri 01-Nov-13 11:58:28

I told them early on. At about 6/7 weeks. I felt horrendous and had to take a couple of days of before that due to morning sickness and I didn't want to my sickness record to go against me.

Only told my manager and she only told HR and her manager, none of my colleagues - she was amazing about it. Very supportive.

I was glad I told them because it only kept getting worse and my manager told me to take it easy and to stay at home whenever I needed to.

I would tell them because you're much more protected - they can't sack you for pregnancy related illness.

And congrats! smile

oscarwilde Fri 01-Nov-13 12:08:56

12 weeks and not before here unless you really need to.
If you do tell just your line manager, I would also make sure your HR team know, make sure you also confirm it in writing and send a copy to a personal email account.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Fri 01-Nov-13 12:12:20

I told straight away with DD1 because I was working with dangerous products and had to be removed from the field and sat in an office instead.

BEEwitched Fri 01-Nov-13 12:13:58

I told work as soon as I knew, a) because I knew I wouldn't be able to do certain things anymore, e.g. lifting stuff and b) because I needed to take time off for appointments.

I told a few colleagues once I'd had a positive scan at around 6-7 weeks and by now everyone knows (10 weeks), but I had to be signed off sick so it was harder to keep it quiet.

Thumbfuckerwitch Fri 01-Nov-13 12:14:09

With Ds1, I told my boss when I was about 7w pg, because I was in work and having really bad nausea and faintness. She used to be a MW, so I also thought it might be an idea to ask her if she thought it was all perfectly normal. It was only that day, though, never had it as bad afterwards!

Wasn't working when pg with DS2 so not an issue.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 01-Nov-13 12:19:35

At about 15 weeks for me. I didn't want to tell anyone until after 12 week scan, and that landed me right in appraisal time! I decided I'd rather know that my assessment was unbiased, so didn't tell them until appraisals were all done.

Some planning had been done, but they covered my leave so he did that work.

Peanutsmummy2be Fri 01-Nov-13 12:23:02

Hi Mitchell2
Congrats thanks
I had to tell my work really early, around 6 weeks because i'm a nurse & there were a few patients i couldnt care for due to violence & bugs etc. They were really good about it & made sure i wasnt doing any heavy lifting or put in dodgy situations xx

jazzcat28 Fri 01-Nov-13 12:24:36

I told my day to day senior colleague (not line manager) at about 9 weeks as I had to duck out of a meeting to attend my booking in appointment with the midwife. He was very supportive and agreed to keep the news to himself until I felt ready to share. The day after the 12 week scan I told the rest of my team and my line manager. Several people had guessed but kept it to themselves until I'd confirmed.

If you're feeling ill then it might be best to confide in someone, so that they understand why you're feeling rough and might need to wfh?

Also your employer legally has to consider you and your unborn baby's safety and welfare from a risk assessment point of view (which can include travel to work, working hours, workload etc) but they cannot do so until they are formally told you are expecting. So it might be better to tell?

Meglet Fri 01-Nov-13 12:51:59

8 weeks both times as I was ill. It made more sense to tell my boss and close work colleagues at that stage than casual friends or relatives. Work were all lovely about it. I had to tell my aerobic instructors straight away too.

I told people on a 'need to know' basis.

morgs22 Fri 01-Nov-13 12:58:44

I told 1 of my managers last week as im off this week and have my scan on Monday, I was 11 weeks and didn't want to tell them till after the scan but unfortunately they wouldn't give me the time off unless I showed them the hospital letter to prove I had an appointment. I was told that shed have to tell my other managers for my own safety, I said I didn't want anyone else to know until im ready but they're a gossipy bunch of harpies so gonna see how many people know when I go in Monday afternoon. I can feel a lot of HR meetings coming lol

delasi Fri 01-Nov-13 12:59:07

I work in a very small team, so the main person above me is the director. I told her almost immediately as I knew - about 6wks. The main reason being the impact that my pregnancy could potentially have from the beginning. I run a lot of our day-to-day stuff. I knew I would need to rearrange days or take time off for appointments, I might get awful sickness... I also do lots of different things in my job, some of which involved heavy lifting or going up ladders, so I was a bit nervous.

This might sound terribly pessimistic - I don't want to put any negativity in this amazing time for you! - but I was very nervous about the possibility of miscarrying due to an existing health condition. I just sat down, thought about it carefully, and realised that if that did come to pass, I would need time away, and everything would be much clearer if my director already knew that I was pregnant.

In the end I did have horrible 24/7 sickness and nausea from 7wks to 14wks, and my director was very understanding of my need to go outside for fresh air or run to the bathroom! And I went on to have a beautiful baby boy smile

However as I work in this small team we are all so close and I could trust my director not to share the news with anyone. If I had been in my previous job (massive team, stressful place, not so nice) then I would have been more nervous, but I think in the end I would have opted to tell my line manager as soon as possible for the reasons mentioned above. As much as I didn't enjoy that job, I know my line manager wouldn't share such information with colleagues as I had to previously make private arrangements with her due to my existing condition, and I would think that the vast majority of (if not all) managers would understand the confidential nature of such information.

I didn't tell anyone else (except parents and siblings) until after the 12 week scan.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:11:42

I told my boss and 3 colleagues two days after I got my BFP. I only did this for health and safety reasons though due to health problems I have which can be affected by pregnancy.

I went in to tell work when I was 10 weeks and needed a day off for the 12w scan. Unfortunately that day half the workforce was made redundant and I was put into consultation. I got my job and was then terrified to tell them. I eventually did so at 20weeks. I was enormous and my manager said she thought I must've been pregnant as I'd been making some questionable clothing choices grin

Allegrogirl Fri 01-Nov-13 13:21:06

I told my immediate colleagues at about 7 weeks as a had dreadful nausea and was exhausted. I didn't take any time off but they picked up the slack until I felt better (about 4 months later). I told the rest of the office after the 12 week scan. They said they hadn't guessed but it did explain why I was such a dreadful colour.

WhatWillSantaBring Fri 01-Nov-13 13:27:51

I didn't tell work for pg no 1 till the 12 week scan - despite having to go home a few times due to sickness in the early days. I didn't tell them for pg no 2 either, so when I had a missed miscarriage diagnosed at the 12 week scan, it was a really really difficult conversation to have with my boss, as I was in floods of tears, totally not ready to talk about it, but had to phone in to explain I was not coming back into the office, would be off for a few days (surgery required).

So by this pregnancy I decided it was easier to say something at the very start, and also remembered that telling people does not jinx things! Because I'd have to tell my boss whatever the outcome it was never like I'd have to "untell" him. And it made it a lot easier when I had a bleed at 6 weeks as I just had to send a one line email, saying it was going wrong, I'd let him know asap. (Luckily with a follow up one liner the next day saying "all good- heartbeat seen" smile). And its been lovely having his support.

Unless I thought I was worried about (subtle) discrimination (such as a promotion/pay rise chance that I could legitimately not get anyway) I would always tell my line manager asap. If you don't trust them to keep silent, I'd do it in writing, cc'ing HR with the words "Medical in confidence" plastered everywhere.

I'm 32 weeks now and its definitely public knowledge - though I didn't tell people till about 14 weeks. One colleague didn't "tell" people till she was 20 weeks, which was frankly idiotic because it was so blindingly obvious.

Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:29:59

Thanks for all the responses and well wishes.

delasi - you make a good point and I was thinking that if the worst happened I would need to tell my boss anyway as I probably would need time off (and wouldn't want to have to tell / un-tell at that time).

I think am going to bite the bullet and tell him today. I have the added stress of the fact he is US based but I know quite a few of his team over there have been preggers so he is used to it by now! Going to tell my local HR bod but not let my team or anyone else know just yet.

WhatWillSantaBring Fri 01-Nov-13 13:30:15

Oh, and I would always try to tell if there was a reduncancy process going on, because a lot of employers are terrified of making pregnant women redundant (AND you get special protection when you're on maternity leave!).

Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:46:51

Thanks WWSB - I def think that I would have an issue with telling/untelling at same time, and I really want to make it clear re my career development that this joyful blip shouldn't affect the plan smile

Oh and lucky I know there are no redundancies as I would be involved in the process anyway!

Catsby Fri 01-Nov-13 13:52:21

I told at about 6-7w. I was so sick, and so tired, and it just seemed better to tell. I'd worked there a long-time so I was friends with my manager which helped, but being practical I wanted a H&S assessment and I wanted any sick days to be pg sick days, as they're different.

GreenShadow Fri 01-Nov-13 14:23:00

With DS2 I managed to keep it secret until sometime after 20 weeks. Luckily I never get very big, so hid it with a loose top over an elastic waist skirt.

I had an annual report approaching and was keen that any possible recommendations for promotion were not influenced by a pregnancy.

GwenStacy Fri 01-Nov-13 14:24:03

I told my manager at about six weeks as we had just had another woman on our (small!) team go on maternity leave, and whilst I know it's jot really my problem, I wanted him to have as much notice as possible, as it meant we had to get someone in and trained up - as a team, we can cover one person being off, but two would never have worked!

I have a good relationship with him anyway, but he was really supportive and I liked the fact that someone at work knew, so that if there were any issues or problems, he'd be aware :-)

AliOh Fri 01-Nov-13 14:58:06

I told my manager a few days after I found out when I was around 5 weeks, i felt that if (god forbid) anything happened I would want her know and I knew she would be very supportive anyway. I told the rest of my colleagues when I was around 9 weeks - we're a very small team of 5 and one had already guessed anyway!

oscarwilde Fri 01-Nov-13 15:17:28

What special protection whatwillsantabring ? In the UK at any rate?

junkfoodaddict Fri 01-Nov-13 16:02:17

Tell those who NEED to know for insurance purposes. For example, if you did something that resulted in injury or loss of the baby, work would not be liable because they were not made aware of your 'condition' beforehand.
I am a teacher and would tell my Head immediately because she would put a risk assessment plan in force for dealing with potentially agressive children, working with apparatus etc, etc.

I had to tell my boss at 6 weeks, because I was teaching a year 7 and was randomly throwing up (any time of day) with about 30 seconds warning. I got the gap year student in my lessons to supervise them while I was legging it to the loo.
Year 7s never realised what was going on.
My 6th Formers only needed one of these quick disappearances to know what was up wink

spanna786 Fri 01-Nov-13 16:25:07

It was a complete mistake telling my boss I was pg, as soon as I did his attitude towards me changed almost instantly. I ended up having to leave that job. It was a nightmare.

PrincessKitKat Fri 01-Nov-13 17:30:52

About 11 weeks - I was going to wait til 12 but they were making imminent changes to my work district & I wanted them to be fully informed that my circumstances were likely to change (not that it made a jot of difference hmm).

Unless your work is affected by illness/fatigue or there's a need to tell, I'd leave it as long as possible and let people think you're just getting fat

Mitchell2 Fri 01-Nov-13 17:36:08

I ended up caving and telling just my Boss and my HR contact today. As suspected they were perfectly fine and were very supportive of me needing to work from home if needed due to MS. I feel really grateful that I have a working environment that is a good one (OK it sucks sometimes but hey, doesn't every ones?!)

I have not told my team or anyone else and wont do it until 12 weeks.

Its so sad to read on this thread those ladies who haven't been treated with the support or respect that they deserve.

ilovecolinfirth Fri 01-Nov-13 17:50:45

I told my boss when I was 7 weeks pregnant as I knew it was going to have implications on the work place. I wish I didn't though. I got treated badly and massively screwed over during my maternity leave. sad

Phineyj Fri 01-Nov-13 17:58:00

I left it as late as possible to officially announce, as I was on a temporary contract and didn't want to give them any reason to not renew it. I had told a few colleagues informally, which was a bit of a risk, but they kept it to themselves. There is legal guidance on the latest you can tell - I think it is 12 weeks before you go on leave, or something like that. If you have any doubts do look the law up and/or see an employment lawyer - not knowing your rights can get expensive!

Phineyj Fri 01-Nov-13 17:59:49

I meant to add, there's no reason you can't start thinking about the planning implications - but there's no need to share them with all and sundry so early, I'd say.

Kelly1814 Fri 01-Nov-13 19:04:24

I was 24 weeks, had no bump, no one guessed, despite me feeling like death. I didn't want lots of fuss and attention....

gutzgutz Fri 01-Nov-13 19:25:25

there is no special protection for not making people redundant whilst pregnant/ on mat leave (UK). that is a common misconception. you cannot be made redundant because you are pregnant but the onus would be on you to prove this at tribunal. a careful employer would have followed all procedures so they can prove it was't due to pregnancy ;and if there are a number of redundancies it is just coincidence. however if you pass a certain period in your pregnancy and are made redundant, you are entitled to all your mat pay up front and depending on your contract any enhanced mat pay too. i know this as i was made redundant at 8.5 months pregnant, another colleague at 6 months and 1 mat leave , along with 15 others. of course i claimed discrimination due to pregnancy but taking advice from employment solicitors i was told the above. angry sad and i am a solicitor and worked for a national law firm. didn't fancy taking them with all their resources to tribunal with a newborn and toddler at home. luckily the redundancy package was enough to live on for a while.

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano Fri 01-Nov-13 20:44:54

Didn't tell 'em for 4.5 months - when I did, my manager said 'Oh, good, we thought you were looking a bit porky'

GooFawkes Fri 01-Nov-13 20:56:47

With DS my boss had already guessed, but then I went skiing at 12 weeks and that caused him to doubt himself.

I had a MMC requiring surgical intervention, so DD1 hardly came as a surprise to him grin

My boss also guessed with DD2. I think we have worked together too long!

Trinpy Fri 01-Nov-13 20:59:05

16 weeks. I would have left it longer but pregnancy-related issues were causing problems at work and I needed a risk assessment.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 01-Nov-13 21:04:52

When my boss saw me being sick in a grid at lunchtime. Sort of gave it away...

IdaClair Fri 01-Nov-13 21:33:33

First time I told them at 13 weeks, had to untell them anyway, second time told at 24 weeks, which I think is the 'rule' as to when you have to if you want to take mat leave. Third time, told at 15 weeks, had to untell again, fourth time, 22 weeks after I was reclassified low risk.

HandragsAndGladbags Fri 01-Nov-13 21:48:42

Told them at 5 weeks all three times! I work for the government though and knew they would be supportive.

Being on mat leave doesn't mean that you can't be made redundant, but it does mean the organisation needs to prove it has made every possible effort to find suitable alternative employment for you and you should get priority over colleagues in a slotting in / limited ring fence competition scenario. But as gutz said, if made redundant whilst on mat leave (or within 11 weeks - I think - of Due date if not on mat leave) you are entitled to paid your occupational mat pay along with your redundancy payout.

I told my boss before 12 weeks both times. With DD I was working away for a few days at 8 weeks, doing shift work in a hospital as part of a major IT system deployment. I had to let my boss know so that I didn't get rostered on to do A&E overnight. Most recent pregnancy I told him at 5 weeks. Had been trying for two years, was so thrilled there was no way I was keeping it to myself. Made managing the MC at 9 weeks easier as I didn't need to tell / untell and could just send a brief email.

But I have a lovely boss and am in the fortunate position of not fearing discrimination as a result.

sonlypuppyfat Sat 02-Nov-13 01:01:04

I told them as soon as I found out I had a job with a lot of lifting.

I told them early both times, at about 5-6 weeks as was feeling utterly dreadful and with DC2 had to take 3 weeks off work from 7-11 weeks.

They were brilliant both times, supportive, kind, adaptable. My organisation is pretty progressive as it turns out wrt family friendliness, in comparison with some of the stuff I hear on here sometimes.

Someone in my team is off on maternity leave at the moment so I was able to go through the process from a management point of view which was really useful for me and I hope I afforded her the same support I have received.

Ginfox Sat 02-Nov-13 07:03:10

I told my boss almost as soon as I found out (8wks I think) as I felt so ill, and was sure that someone would guess what was up. I didn't want her to hear it from gossip rather than from me.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 02-Nov-13 07:39:36

Unfortunately I started a new job pregnant...I told them in an induction...I had a miscarriage a year before and was worried about it happening again. I also wanted to be honest with them in case they thought I got knocked up for mat leave benefits.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 02-Nov-13 07:41:08

Oh....but then the got rid of me by making my life pretty miserable ...they would have had to pay me about 30k in pension payments....they weren't having that. I resigned.

slightlygoostained Sat 02-Nov-13 08:33:10

I told about 14 weeks. Would've been earlier but I spent a couple of weeks asking for a quick chat before my boss finally had time (we were very busy). He guessed about halfway through my first sentence and was delighted.

I had already told him and our HR bod earlier that I was suffering from fatigue and anaemia and was struggling to get in on time in the mornings, so I think they were expecting the news!

I didn't tell the rest of the team until after the 20 week scan. As DP and I are both in our 40s, we were a bit pessimistic about the chance of problems, so I didn't want to have to untell lots of people. The couple of weeks leading up to the scan I started wearing slightly baggier t-shirts, but nobody noticed!

BoohPear Sat 02-Nov-13 08:50:08

I told my supervisor at 6 weeks in case I needed time off, didn't tell anyone else until the day after the 12 week scan.

DoudousDoor Sat 02-Nov-13 09:17:47

DS told manager at 8 weeks, after 5 days of being unable to keep even water down.

This pregnancy, well Im 13 weeks and struggling to hide the bump (and sickness) but dont want to say anything before Christmas if poss (so around 5 months) cos Im up for a promotion and dont want to give them any excuse not to promote me. Doubt Ill be able to hide it but I think they cant legally ask me and HR told me last time that I can deny it as long as I like (not UK).

TeaAndCakeOrDeath Sat 02-Nov-13 09:18:54

About 48 hours after I found out - I was lay in the office with my head on the coffee table trying to stop retching so might have been a bit of a giveaway!
I also work with young people, some of who have anger issues and may fight/lash out etc so I had to brief my team and boss that I wasn't in a position to restrain or separate fights anymore and that they'd have to 'watch' me so they could jump in if something kicked off

BroodyTroody Sat 02-Nov-13 09:32:57

I told work about 5 weeks as i knew there was lots of changes in our team and it would do them a favour to know!
I'm 12 weeks tomorrow and I've told loads of people- I just can't help myself!

vj32 Sat 02-Nov-13 09:33:54

I told work officially at 12 weeks to get the time off for my scan. I had told my line manager about two weeks before that.

Last time I told someone much earlier as I was feeling as dizzy and thought there was a chance of me collapsing at work as I have low blood pressure and a history of fainting.

Technically, as my immediate boss is my boyfriend, about 5 minutes after I got my BFP. Was not a huge surprise to him as he knew we were TTC ;)

Our main boss we told after a private reassurance scan at 10 weeks as we are 2 of the 3 managers there, so had implications staff wise. Rest of the staff we told after the 12 week nuchal scan/test.

Am 40 weeks today; desperate to meet this baby now! Congratulations OP smile

Lavenderhoney Sat 02-Nov-13 11:13:00

I wasn't going to say anything til 12 weeks, but my boss pulled me in when I was 6 weeks, and offered me a directorship, loads of travel and responsibilities. I had to say something as I didn't want it and planned to take full maternity of a year, and dh had just been offered a job abroad.

Oh what a mistake that was.

Champagnebubble Sat 02-Nov-13 12:05:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LightTripper Sat 02-Nov-13 12:32:41

If told at around 8 weeks as I had a work trip coming up that I didn't think I could do due to sickness. All fine, and definitely helped with flexibility... Though was a bit weird that my boss knew before my family. But really couldn't see a way around it.

TransatlanticCityGirl Sat 02-Nov-13 12:33:24

For my first, I told them at 16 weeks. I work in HR so I am hyper aware of discrimination which is rife and I wanted to wait until bonus decisions had been made - I had been hoping to make it to 20 weeks (I know of several bankers who have managed to keep it hidden that long) but I got to the point where I was showing and wanted to be able to relax.
Now pregnant for my 2nd and I'm going to have to tell at 13-14 weeks as I'm showing much earlier. We're also months away from bonus decisions being made so I don't have much reason to hide it. either way I'm screwed wink

BohemianRaspberry Sat 02-Nov-13 14:26:17

I told them at 12 wks but only as I had had an mc before Christmas and was deeply superstitious until I had actually seen the little critter on the screen.

However, I know the colleague before me told then at 8 weeks as she had severe morning sickness and needed it put down as sickness due to maternity.

Still took them until just two weeks ago to organise my cover though!

Zoze Sat 02-Nov-13 15:02:08

For similar reasons to you I told the director I work for before I was 5 weeks. After him I'm second in command as it were and we had started to set targets and budgets for next year when I knew I wasn't going to be there, and it all felt wrong and that I was lying.

I explained that I knew it was v early days and all sorts could happen but I felt I owed it to him not to lead him on. I set out who I was happy for him to tell, the MD, HR, and the ops director and that under no circumstance did I want anyone in our office to find out about it.

I feel I made the right decision for both me and my work and font regret the way it panned out, although I appreciate I was in a lucky position as I didn't really have any doubts over it.

marriedinwhiteisback Sat 02-Nov-13 17:39:43

I'm really surprised that anyone would want to tell work before 12 weeks at the earliest unless there were real health and safety issues. As for getting time off for appointments - how many do you need nowadays fgs? When I had my children you needed to see your GP for the confirmation - booking letter for the hospital to go off. Even 20 years ago GP surgeries offered 6pm appointments. After that it was a booking appointment at about 12 weeks and a nuchal scan between 11 and 13 weeks. I took annual leave for the booking appointment. The nuchal scan wasn't actually available for baby 1 and for baby 2 it was still only being offered as a research project at KCH and you could just turn up at 5pm - I remember we waited for two hours and were thrilled to see a healthy everything.

I told work the first time at 16 weeks (lost the baby at 17 weeks) and the second time kept it quiet until I was 18 weeks. And unless women are too ill to work or a doctor has recommended adjustments they should be performing their usual contractual duties, shouldn't they?

About 18 weeks for me with DC1. By that point I was wearing skirts with elasticated waists and unstructured jackets, but the boss hadn't guessed - probably becaue I wasn't married! I had also managed to go on two business trips with him abroad and make it look as though I was swigging gin by careful timing of when I arrived in the bar and who ordered the drinks, so I always got neat tonic waters smile

I could have told him earlier, I was luckily in a very secure job. But i just felt it was private - also it had all come as a bit of a surprise to me smile so I wanted to get used to it first!

bonkersLFDT20 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:06:22

DS1 after 12 week scan.
DS2 I ended up telling very senior person at about 8 weeks because there was a hoo haa with contract renewals. I was due to get a new 5 year contract (grant funded science job) but there was a delay so we were told we'd get a 1 year one until the admin. was sorted out. Eeeeek. While I had no reason to think it wouldn't turn out well, I had visions of me having a 1 year contract, telling them I was pg and then another contract not being issued. Told big boss and by the end of the week the 5 year contract had arrived.

ems1910 Sat 02-Nov-13 23:07:47

I told my work as soon as I found out but this was mainly due to the nature of the work I do (care assistant) and the fact my mum is the manager!

LightTripper Sat 02-Nov-13 23:41:41

Well I guess there are two reasons people tell. In my case I was retching into the bin and didn't think I could make the "stomach bug" excuse wash more than once so needed to work from home and skip some client meetings/convert them to calls, so felt I owed it to my boss to explain what was going on. Others have said for longer term business planning reasons or there were specific aspects of the job that weren't safe to do. Otherwise I agree I would have waited, but really, it didn't feel that big a deal to tell early, although I obviously would have preferred to tell my family first.

Junebugjr Sun 03-Nov-13 00:04:12

Dd1 - about 5/6 weeks when the Hyperemesis kicked in and had to go to hospital.
Dd2- 2 hours after my BFP as I could already feel the HG coming on and wanted to make sure there was cover for my job as I knew I'd be in hospital for a while.

Mlouise211 Sun 03-Nov-13 02:00:36

Hi All, just found out today I am around 4 weeks pregnant and although I am happy I am really scared at the prospect of telling my boss, she is the HR manager but as I work for her and my one other colleague has reduced her hours I know already the news is going to go down like a lead balloon! Any tips on when I should break the news and how to approach my unapproachable boss as I don't think I will be getting a supportive response. This will be seen as a huge inconvenience to her and I'm worried I won't be treated the same once she knows even though there are laws in place!

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 03-Nov-13 09:52:08

Mlouise it's been a while since I had a baby and the rules have probably changed. I'd get your booking appointment arranged with your your mw and read up on what you are entitled to, then maybe make her a cuppa, give her a cake and tell her. If you think she's going to be frosty tell her on a Friday afternoon rather than a Monday morning smile

Congratulations too smile

RedCountryRoads Sun 03-Nov-13 19:20:45

I'm quite looking forward to telling my boss. This will be mine and my husbands first. I've never ever been maternal and I deal with Children on a daily basis! I think his face will be a picture. He will have to pull his finger out as I do a hell of a lot of his support work. I'll be doing some serious training up for my replacement.

I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I'm going to tell him before my works Xmas do which is mid December as a night without me drinking will be as obvious as a neon flashing sign. I've never been on a works do without a good few pints! smile

RunDougalRunQuiteFast Sun 03-Nov-13 19:29:12

We were in the middle of redundancies and new contract negotiations, so I fudged my dates and told work when I was actually 22 weeks! I'd had a mmc shortly before so didn't want to tell people till I was pretty sure things were going well anyway. I'm quite tall and long bodied so hid it well, or else people were just terribly polite, and didn't point out the bulge!

MyNameIsWinkly Sun 03-Nov-13 20:20:30

I didn't tell work with my first pregnancy, but then had to take time off when a mmc was discovered at 9 weeks.

This time I told them at 6 weeks - but I'm a front line police officer, I'm not risking my pregnancy. Also the day I told them I had to stop the car we were patrolling in and hang over a bin in the street as I felt so sick. Not a good look, and tbh I'm of no use to my colleagues like that.

mrsannekins Sun 03-Nov-13 20:37:02

I told my manager when i was 6 wks as i had to have a couple of early scans and needed the time off work. But I didn't tell anyone else until right after my 12 weeks scan....turned out they had all already twigged as I suddenly stopped drinking tea and coffee as the smell made me sick and only ate cheddars for 6 weeks!

fl0b0t Mon 04-Nov-13 09:10:35

I was signed off for three weeks with sickness from weeks 7-10 and then was very delicate still for weeks after that.... so I had to tell work much earlier than I planned on. It's important to know how you feel about your employers- if you have any reason to think they might screw you over- be very careful what you tell them and when! Good luck!

fl0b0t Mon 04-Nov-13 09:26:25

PS marriedinwhiteisback
1. I work a full day with a 2 hour commute each way- so yes my drs is open until 6pm but I'm never home by then- so getting an apt would have involved a day off. Having said that I could have worked from home in my job and just gone to the drs, or just gone anyway as they have to let you have time off for a dr appt (?) anyway, but just highlighting that it's not that easy for everyone. Most people I know work in a manner which means a dr appt is difficult to book outside of work time.

2. I had about 4 dr appt in one week to get myself antisickness medication- they don't just like to give you a prescription for these things and you have to be quite persistant. And if you have a lovely easy healthy pregnancy then you won't need many dr appts, however there are many out there less fortunate who end up having a lot of appointments.

3. Sorry to hear about the loss of your baby- I know people who have told work at 7 weeks and miscarried at 8, and those who have told work at 16 weeks and miscarried at 26weeks- so really the 12 week rule wouldn't help in these situations.

4. There are a huge range of jobs out there that may need duties altered due to pregnancy. Just because you might hae been able to carry out your duties as normal does not mean it's the same for everyone else! I know people who work with chemicals (photography labs), heavy lifting (retail), risky encvironments (mental health patients), sport jobs etc so there's a huge number of factors that may effect when you tell your boss and whether you need your duties changed slightly!

wm3010 Mon 04-Nov-13 09:26:26

I told my boss at 7 weeks, mainly because I had been feeling so awful that my work rate had dropped right down and I was getting myself in a total state about that. I felt better once I had told, it made me a lot less stressed as I knew he wouldn't be unkind enough to moan about how I wasn't doing as much work as usual when he knew why. Also felt it would be a lot easier to tell if anything went wrong and I needed time off rather than having to tell/untell in one go. Told other colleagues after 12 week scan.

Thewhingingdefective Mon 04-Nov-13 09:50:38

I had IVF which some people at work knew about, so I told about my pregnancy at the six week viability scan. I just felt better with it being out there, especially as I felt anxious and think it reflected in my work.

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 04-Nov-13 11:06:44

FlObOt that was very defensive and if you reread my post you will see that I carefully noted "unless there are health and safety issues" and unless the doctor notes reasonable adjustments. Are you seriously saying that you can't make a doctor's appointment first thing or last thing to minimise your time off work; instead having to take a whole day off for a 10 minute appointment.

Thurlow Mon 04-Nov-13 11:39:55

Married, that was 20 years ago. Nowadays in a lot of areas you see a mw not your GP. Mws often only run clinics at specific times. There's not always a lot of flexibility.

And as another HG sufferer, "how many do you need nowadays fgs?" - well, a hell of a lot actually when you're puking your guts up and might be in and out of hospital. And you aren't going to wait a week until there is an 8.30am appointment when you can get a 2.30 appt that day. Or lets imagine you don't actually live and work in the same town, so even an 8am or 6pm appointment needs time off work.

Threads like this are nearly always started by a poster who a) is in a job where their duties and tasks need changing, or b) suffering from something like HG which kicks in early and horrifically.

No need for a "fgs", which is why I imagine FlObOt was in your mind defensive. Everyone's pregnancy is different.

All I can really see is, why on earth shouldn't a woman tell her work before 12w? It's not a law that you have to wait till 12w. If you like your work and have good relations with your colleagues, you can tell them. I find it quite odd that you are so stridently against telling your work.

Mitchell2, hope you start to feel better soon.

Ilanthe Mon 04-Nov-13 13:12:30

I told my lovely supportive boss (who knew it was coming anyway, I'd been very open with him about wanting another DC) at 6wks because I felt so awful and it was definitely affecting my work. He said he wasn't surprised and then came with me to my next meeting just in case I had to back out. He was brilliant all the way through the pregnancy, even when I had to phone him on New Years Day to tell him I was in threatened prem labour and likely wasn't coming back.

I told everyone else the day after my 12wk scan. Lots of people said they had wondered given that I was looking a bit podgy round the middle and distinctly green around the gills.

fl0b0t Mon 11-Nov-13 22:44:17

Marriedit's the 'fgs' which suggests exasperation at anyone making a different decision to you, when in likelihood, that decision is taken out of their hands. Put yourself in other people's shoes and read what I've written! Thurlowis right. If I get an 8 am appt, I can get to the station by 9 am. Which means i have to wait for the 9.20 an train which would get me to work around 11am at the earliest. Which would mean not leaving work until half seven at the earliest and probably not getting home until half nine or so at the earliest. Which when you are pregnant and suffering hg is not a barrel of laughs!

Tell your work when you have to our want to

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