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How to deal with unwanted bump touching.

(41 Posts)
sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 15:17:36

I need tips please fellow pregnant ladies. This is my firs pregnancy. I'm 23 weeks and most definitely showing.
My problem is, I honestly don't mind DH touching bump, that's a good thing and I love it when he does.
BUT that's it. I don't like anyone else doing it, especially when not asking first. How do I deal with it?
Saw MIL last week after they had been away 3 months, I was one step in the door and her hands were there. hmm No asking first, and when I seemed a little unimpressed by it (I did my best not to be obvious about my feelings) she said "well what did you expect?" As if it's my problem and that's it!
Help please!

Yankeedoodlenic Wed 30-Oct-13 15:47:40

You know Sunshine I haven't had the same problem (I'm 35 weeks) but my advice would be...

Try to relax. I mean, people don't mean any harm. I feel the same that I am not big on touching (hugging, hand holding, shoulder patting, whatever - not really my thing). So I would be fairly put off if people went in for a touch w/o sort of asking first. But especially people in your immediate family - they don't mean any harm. If it is bothering you that much I would maybe just say that you feel a little bit like your personal space is being invaded.

One tip I did read was to just do it back to people which I think would be hilarious! So if your MIL does it again maybe just pat her stomach and saw "Aw, I just thought I'd have a go too."

With strangers I'd just judo chop their hand away. shock

Best of luck! But don't let little things bother you - there are much bigger things to occupy your mind at this stage! Like... what colour shall we paint the nursery?

Rhianna1980 Wed 30-Oct-13 15:52:20

I personally wouldn't be annoyed with MIL touching the bump. It is her grandchild after all . It's random ppl from work and acquaintances who annoy me when they do that.

DollyShouldHaveDumpedStiva Wed 30-Oct-13 15:52:32

Agree-do it back to her and say "what did you expect?"

What yankee said. They mean well. People love pregnancy, and you get all kinds of consideration (people giving up seats for you, extra kindnesses from strangers etc).

I would LOVE strangers to touch my bump/ask more questions, but sadly in London, no bastard talks to you EVER. I have to go and see my DM, or visit friends in nicer other places to get any of that.

If it seriously bothers you, politely ask them to stop. You can't 'stop' people doing anything (if you could, I'd have much MUCH lower blood pressure). grin

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Wed 30-Oct-13 15:57:55

I think its not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but i can see why it might make you a bit uncomfortable.

I wouldn't be harsh with mil. It is her sons baby too so its probably automatic to want to touch the bump. I know i did it once without thinking to someone and then felt a right twat!

I remember family members touching mine and feeling uncomfortable so you would think i would have known better!

Mil probably just said what she did because she felt uncomfortable with how uncomfortable she had made you. A defence thing.

SolitudeSometimesIs Wed 30-Oct-13 16:03:26

I HATE being touched on my bump. It's intrusive and sore. Also, I would never allow someone to touch me if I wasn't pregnant.

My tips:
-Carry your handbag in front of your belly so the bag's in the way and no one can get at you.
-Always carry a coat, bag in front so you can't be touched.
-Swat the hand away and say "Sorry, I really don't like people touching it" or "I'm actually a bit sore, so please don't".
-If anyone brings up the subject of having a "feel" of your bump, just say you hate it.
-Carry a small axe in your handbag to wield at potential bump touchers who won't back off thlgrin
-If your MIL won't stop, ask your DP to have a word.

I actually don't care about offending people, it's my body. At every other time in our lives we're told that we shouldn't allow people to put us in postions that we feel uncomfortable with but when women are pregnant this goes out the window and we are seen as unreasonable for not letting people touch us.

I've had a man get a boob graze in while patting my stomach on my first pregnancy, some people know no boundaries. I am pregnant again and no one is allowed near me.

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 16:11:07

I personally wouldn't be annoyed with MIL touching the bump. It is her grandchild after all

Yeah but it's her body! And it IS her DIL's body she's touching, not her grandchild.

Just be polite, but firm. "Please don't do that. I'm not Buddha." (or some other witty rejoinder).

Jolleigh Wed 30-Oct-13 16:18:02

* "I'm a pregnant woman NOT the Blarney stone. Back off!" * wink

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 16:21:04

Jolleigh don't you kiss the Blarney stone? Are people taking bump touching to the extreme round your way? smile

sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 16:26:03

Jolli that's brilliant!
Sorry I can't name from phone but previous poster suggesting the axe, love it!

Sorry to whoever said "it's her grandchild" yes but it's MY child and MY body. That trumps that I'm afraid

Snobble Wed 30-Oct-13 16:27:51

I think immediate family i wouldnt be too bothered. But if i was walking round i would protect it firmly and look mean. Should put strangers off. No one wants to touch a crazy looking pregnant woman lol

scallopsrmissingAnyFucker Wed 30-Oct-13 16:30:55

sunshine, you have a right to your boundaries and someone touching you without asking you is violating those boundaries. You don't have to relax about it or lighten up. They are the ones who should respect your boundaries. Your body is not public property just because you are pregnant. She wouldn't dream of touchig your stomach if you weren't pregnant.

I think a "please don't do that" should be sufficient. If it isn't then you may have more problems than that with your MIL further down the line. Just warning you.

ceara Wed 30-Oct-13 16:30:57

I haven't had this problem except with MIL. I must have the repellent death stare perfected! With MIL I asked DH to have a word after the first time, about people having different personal boundaries etc, and that worked as she just looks and comments now about it being too small, even though midwife says I am measuring perfectly but doesn't touch. Pregnancy seems to make your bump and weight public property but we're not all comfortable with that. Best of luck.

Stom91 Wed 30-Oct-13 16:31:40

Touch their tummy back. It'll catch them
Off guard and they'll soon stop lol

HumphreyCobbler Wed 30-Oct-13 16:34:42

Some arse actually leaned over and twiddled my sticky out belly button at a dinner party. I was BESIDE myself, it was so inappropriate. I told him to stop and his wife looked really embarrassed, poor woman.

I hated people touching my bump.

Stom91 Wed 30-Oct-13 16:40:00

Ooh that's would anger me too
Yeah someone at work used to do it all the time and that was before I had a big bump I was only just showing. It used to piss me off but she's never get the hint
Glad I'm on mat leave now and no one bugs me haha

Chocolatemolehill Wed 30-Oct-13 16:40:48

Maybe just ask them politely, with a smile, and explain that you don't like it/it makes you feel a bit awkward? Many people are just a bit nuts about pregnancy and babies and want to show their enthusiasm (without thinking too much before that). They mean well. But of course you have the right to establish your personal boundaries.

Jolleigh Wed 30-Oct-13 16:42:15

MrTumbles - not a chance I'd put my face near it with the hundreds of thousands of people who've kissed it wink Traditionally though, yes you're right.

NoIHaventHadTheBabyYet Wed 30-Oct-13 16:43:16

I hate it too, my csection scar is only a year old and is painful, if you touch my tummy I might piss myself as I am huge and I just hate it.
Buy this?

steth Wed 30-Oct-13 16:45:55

next time this happens just reciprocate with a swift grab of their balls or fanny - that'll sort them out ;-0

But seriously i would just say 'excuse me do you mind?' of course with a cats arse face for effect ;-)

dimdommilpot Wed 30-Oct-13 17:26:09

Yes do it back! It never happened to me last time and I'm not yet showing but if people take it upon themselves to touch me i would certainly do it back!!

sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 18:52:25

Off to a family meal now with the in laws, will attempt to be more to the point and request no bump touching. Although I'm quite tempted with putting DH on hand swatting duty.
Will share how it goes

Tell anyone who tries 'do that again and I will poke you in the eye with a fork'. Works for me grin

Panzee Wed 30-Oct-13 18:59:49

"You just touched my uterus" ?

sporktacular Wed 30-Oct-13 19:17:04

Yep, I'm gonna go with "poke you in the eye with a fork". Even for grandparents. What is all this "wouldn't take the hint"? Stop hinting, start stabbing with forks! I do not get why people think it is ok to touch people without permission, if anything even less so if someone is pregnant. If you really need to be really polite, say "Please don't touch me" with a good stare/cat's arse face. But only if you really really need to not stab them with a fork.

Get a fly swatter from poundland grin No explaining then, just swat em!

AnyFuckerWillDo Wed 30-Oct-13 21:38:19

I wouldn't be unimpressed with MIL either!! Oorrhh seems abit cruel. Her little GC in there and she wants to bond. What's the problem?
I showed both my bumps off with pride and wouldn't of bothered if the postman copped a feel so suppose I'm different x

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 30-Oct-13 22:43:28

Nobody ever did this to me. hmm

That said, my resting facial expression is 'Death Stare'

Agree with everyone that said NOBODY should do this and it is completely unacceptable to touch someone's body without (preferably written) permission. Pregnant or not.

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 22:50:52

Her little GC in there and she wants to bond. What's the problem?

Are you seriously suggesting the MIL can bond with her future baby through layers of abdominal fat and uterus?

Without wanting to get too serious, the 'problem' is that from a young age we're taught that our bodies are ours and we're in control of who touches them. Suddenly when we get pregnant this all goes out the window and it feels like we're fair game and if we don't like people touching us we get eye rolls and told to lighten up.

I'm also proud of my bump, but I'm proud of my tits too and the same rules apply to them!

MrTumblesKnickers Wed 30-Oct-13 22:51:24

OP I didn't mean to suggest you had layers of fat, btw!

greentshirt Wed 30-Oct-13 22:52:06

I read on here the other day 'if you didn't put it in there and you won't be the one getting it out of there don't touch it!'

Jolleigh Wed 30-Oct-13 23:08:31

MrTumbles - LOVING the tits analogy. I may have to steal that one grin

sunshinemeg Wed 30-Oct-13 23:10:18

Just left family meal, reading the latest comments really made me giggle. MIL wants to bond? Tough!!
Love the last comment about if you didn't put it in there. Lol.
I used DH as a barrier and kept my hand in the way. Didn't feel comfortable telling MIL to keep hands off but she didn't try again so it turns out DH had told her to keep hands off for me. grin

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow Thu 31-Oct-13 08:23:09

I hate bump touching from anyone except my DH and DS! I think it's terribly intrusive and presumptive for people to just cop a feel, whatever their relationship!
Glad you sorted it out with your DH and mil!
I don't actually understand the posters who think your body is public property just because you are pregnant!!

MightilyOats Thu 31-Oct-13 08:37:34

Get your own back if you breastfeed by doing what my friend does and saying 'that's my breastmilk on your arm/shoulder/chest' when baby inevitably voms on them... grin

misskatamari Thu 31-Oct-13 08:55:25

I personally don't mind friends and family touching mine but know many people find it uncomfortable.

I'm a teacher and a super excited year 10 even had a pat recently whilst squealing in excitement - which was just really sweet.

One lady in my dept (who is kind of the department "mum" to is all) is always having a stroke and she got muddled up recently and started stroking my arse instead - rather amusing!

I do like the advice of doing it back to them of you don't like it grin

Emilycee Thu 31-Oct-13 11:34:53

I LOVE the 'Fuck off' t shirt! ha ha ha!

Julietee Thu 31-Oct-13 13:52:09

First of all, it's not ok if you don't like it, and you shouldn't have to just put up with someone violating your boundaries.

Could you wear a long, loose cardigan that hangs over the bump so it's no so tempting and out there?

I'm not a social hugger and, by standing back at hugging time, people in my (not immediate) family have got that it's not me and I rarely get an attempt now. Maybe a similar tack would work.

Xenadog Thu 31-Oct-13 22:07:49

I don't mind friends asking if they can touch my bump - I will happily let them but if strangers or even people whom I know (but aren't friends) tried to touch me then they would get a mouthful. They won't be touching my baby randomly when she arrives so why on earth do they think they can touch my body which encase the baby at this stage?

I don't care if I offend people as after all they aren't worried about offending me by touching me are they?

gemmal88 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:24:59

I genuinely do not understand why people feel the need to do this.

It's not like having a cuddle of the baby, it's just weird.

I'm only 13 weeks and not showing (a bit cuddlier but no bump!) and a woman I know touched my stomach. Very, very strange.

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