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I want my dad to be present during birth

(28 Posts)
Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 17:58:54

I lost my mum when I was young and have built a strong relationship with my dad. I recently found out I was pregnant and am delighted but also very scared. By the time of the birth I will be married with my partner but it would mean everything if my dad was by my side on that special moment. I want to know how I can ask him to be there with me and also is it strange I want him to be there? Thanks.

HavantGuard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:01:07

You can have who you want. Would he want to be in the room?

K8eee Sun 15-Sep-13 18:03:06

That's a really lovely thought. The only concern I would have is whether my dad would feel comfortable seeing me in that state and not being able to help (I'm very close to my dad and he hates seeing me ill, let alone in paingrin) but every daughter/father relationship is slightly different smile congrats by the way! thanks

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:03:31

I don't know I think he would

HavantGuard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:07:16

Then it's something to think about and ask him about. Some parents would struggle seeing their children in pain, some would be able to deal with it.

inneedofrain Sun 15-Sep-13 18:11:02

Mrsstandard

If you have that sort of relationship with your dad then I say go for it!

Could you consider a home birth, maybe easier for Dad, and DH to help etc,

Make sure you tell your midwife and get them on board.

Some people will say its odd, wrong, etc. IGNOR them, this is your journey and relationship not theirs.

Make sure you talk to your Dad and Dh first though.

Oh and congratulations

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:11:28

I am only 5 weeks pregnant to not keen to talk about it with him yet

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:12:02

Thank you I think a home birth is something to consider

inneedofrain Sun 15-Sep-13 18:14:38

Oh of course you don´t want to talk about it, yet.

I would definately think about a home birth though, I think Dh and DF maybe able to help that way.

lljkk Sun 15-Sep-13 18:22:45

Friend who has 7 kids, her dad was there as support for the 6th. From what I heard he just raved about it afterwards, that grand-DC is extra special. Definitely no regrets.

I think by the time you have 7 kids everyone in the family gets to have a turn being present. smile

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:25:14

How should I ask him? I am thinking of showing him this thread just to show everybody is in support?

anaotchan Sun 15-Sep-13 18:25:57

given your circumstances it's not strange at all - go for it!

your dad may struggle with the idea of seeing you in pain, but I highly doubt he'll find the suggestion strange/wrong/etc. His daughter wants him around for moral support during a particularly meaningful moment in her life, and there's absolutely nothing weird about that.

(also, he doesn't have to actually watch the more gory/revealing moments... I know my DH won't!!)

... and congratulations!

MaryPoppinsBag Sun 15-Sep-13 18:28:54

If your Dad is uncomfortable with the idea, could he wait outside and be one of the first to see your baby when he/she arrives?

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:30:00

I haven't told him yet, I think he will be fine but I really need him there as husband already backed out

ipswichwitch Sun 15-Sep-13 18:30:29

Go for it, and ignore anyone who's negative about it. You obviously have a special relationship with him, and why not have him there if it will help you, because frankly during birth it's all about mother and baby. Home birth sounds lovely.
Fwiw, my dad would have been great too. I know it's not really the same but he's played midwife to a large array of farm animals (most notably to a pig that gave birth to 14 piglets!), and since I figure its all biology anyway he would have been great! Definitely more calm and together than my DM!

Thrustbadger Sun 15-Sep-13 18:32:41

As a midwife I've seen a few women have their dads with them when they've given birth. A couple were planned, their partners had done a runner so the women had both parents supporting them.

Another time the labour was really quick and partner didnt make it so her dad stayed.

I really don't think you'll need to worry about the midwives thinking its odd. Nobody's business anyway. He can step out the room for examinations/stay at the head end for the birth if that's what you'd prefer.

CheungFun Sun 15-Sep-13 18:34:39

I think it sounds lovely! It will probably be a good idea if he can have something to read up on about labour and what to expect so that he's prepared.

I had DH and DM and DM got a bit freaked out as I had a water birth as she didn't realise that babies can breathe under water! DM kept her panic to herself though and didn't say she was scared until months afterwards, but apart from that she really enjoyed the whole thing and so did DH and I. She was telling everyone about it afterwards and recommending water births to everyone having previously thought they might be a bit icky!

star15 Sun 15-Sep-13 18:40:58

Go for it, I am planning on having my DP & mother with me.

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 18:58:47

Thank you for all your opinions and advice

Writerwannabe83 Sun 15-Sep-13 18:58:49

I think it's wonderful.

If my husband couldn't be with me, my dad would be the next on my list!! smile

My mother would be a nightmare!!!

balia Sun 15-Sep-13 19:39:13

I had my mum, dad and husband with me for DD's birth. It was 19 years ago, though!

Cjilly Sun 15-Sep-13 21:45:44

I had my dad with me and during labour, I hated every moment of it. He dropped my mum and I off and he just wouldn't leave. He stepped out for examinations and when I told the MW that I didn't want him there he said he didn't want to miss out on the experience as my mum only ever had ELCS.

I was in too much pain to argue over it. At the time, I felt that my saving grace was that he wasn't there for the pushing as he went home to gather the rest of my things.

Now looking back, it wasn't really that much of a big deal. He left during examinations and he didn't bother me at all. He even held my hand for a long time and rubbed my back. DH was away (uni) so he was the one who would reassure him over the phone as I couldn't even talk. I'd probably have him again!

My dad walked me to the hospital when my waters broke super early one morning. It was like 5.30am and we were the only two awake (he and mum visiting from Canada) so we popped over to the hospital with me thinking they would just look at me and tell me to go home again. They kept me in though. So if things had progressed he would have been there and I would have been fine with it.

As it turns out DD2 was a stubborn little thing even then and refused to come out for 3 more days grin and would probably still be in there if I hadn't had a CS grin

terilou87 Sun 15-Sep-13 22:11:45

My dad has been the first person I ring each time my labour had started, although he has never been there for the birth I'm a bit too private for that and prefer just me and dp, but he is the one who takes us to hospital and runs about after me,
I think if you are comfortable with him being in the room then go for it. Its your Labour you should do what you feel is best for you x

Mrsstandard Sun 15-Sep-13 22:59:11

Thank you all I asked my dad and he said he will be by my side the whole time, so happy xx

katebakes Sun 15-Sep-13 23:53:22

That's so sweet! My husband and I will be at the birth but my parents are taking us to the hospital. Truth be told they'll probably be in the room too!

tillyo Sun 15-Sep-13 23:57:19

I would def have my dad their. Very close to my dad closer to him then my mum. Whenever I'm ill I always want dad. Even with my wedding dress I made dad come. Don't worry what other people think its your choice! X

Lydia161290 Mon 16-Sep-13 00:20:55

It's not weird at all. I had my son a month ago and my dad was present at the birth with my partner. It wasn't planned or anything, I woke up during labor and he was right there next to me keeping my partner company.

My mum lives over in Ireland and couldn't make the birth for reasons, so my dad stepped in, which now, i'm happy it turned out that way.
It was nice having a parent there and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all.

I was too busy riding out my contractions to really think much about it. The midwives were lovely and kept everything discreet for me. My dad sat in the chair when I was pushing out my son and once he was born my partner and him were distracted with him while I was being stitched up.

He was great. I'd say go for it, it's you labor. You're allowed two people in the room with you!

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