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you are HUGE arn't you?!

(40 Posts)
sprite25 Thu 05-Sep-13 16:26:50

Ok I know this has been done so many times on here and when I read other peoples experiences I just thought it wouldn't bother me BUT...I am getting reeeally fed up with people having no shame in telling me how big I am. I was big (size 14) before I got pregnant but had lost over a stone in the run up to getting pregnant, I'm now at 27 weeks and cant believe how shameless people are in making comments to me! I've had my nan squeezing my hips and telling me I'm 'the size of a house, and its not all baby', one woman at work just flat out telling me I'm 'huge for only 6 months', another woman at work saying how massive I've got, how even my face is filling out and then pointing out to other colleagues (literally pointing her finger) about how big I am. I usually get on with this woman really well but every time I see her its like its all she can talk about! I know I shouldn't be such a sensitive little darling but I've always been self-conscious about my size/weight and sometimes it feels like people saying negative stuff like this to me gets me on a bit of a downer. I know I have put on weight but when I've been measured by my midwife she said I'm just under for my dates and that's fine and hasn't mentioned anything about my weight or size so thought it was all good now I feel like instead of liking my bumpy belly I feel like people are looking at me walking down the street thinking I'm just mega fat. Is it just that people forget what pregnant woman look like and that for some women its normal to not be stick thin with just a football bump??? Sorry for the long rant just had to get it out!

FattyPigston Thu 05-Sep-13 16:49:51

Aww I know how you feel,I've been in tears today feeling so fat and also a bit fed up of feeling 'on show' all the time and the endless comments. People can be so unbelievably rude. Try not to let it get you down,you're growing a baby and you need extra fat reserves for breastfeeding etc...

Rollermum Thu 05-Sep-13 16:54:27

Sympathies indeed Sprite. I am larger than you (an 18) and people really got on my nerves at work as well constantly going on about how massive I was, as if I was a waif to start with or something. I think you're right - people forget what pregnancy looks like.

I think it is rude and insensitive tbh - everytime someone said it I would get more scared if having a giant baby. I've asked MW and GP if the baby seems massive and they are generally dismissive.

BurnThisDiscoDown Thu 05-Sep-13 17:00:20

I was pregnant at the same time as a work colleague (who was 5'6 and a size 8 to my 5'1 size 14) and all the way through my pre

BurnThisDiscoDown Thu 05-Sep-13 17:02:34

Sorry, toddler climbing on me! All the way through people kept saying "ooh, you're much bigger than X, aren't you?". Well yes, I started off bigger and I'm a month further along. Now sod off!

Pascha Thu 05-Sep-13 17:03:09

I think a well-placed ODFOD can work here. Every time someone says anything.

upsydaisy33 Thu 05-Sep-13 17:35:39

I heard a good suggestion in response to this:
1) does it bother you? (Because clearly it does and the problem is theirs, not yours, so you are politely implying this to them)

I have had this all the way through, am similar size to you. I know i have a big bump, but it is not actually measuring large for mw, it is just the way i carry.
It has actually got much better in the last few weeks now I am in the last trimester, i think maybe either i am seeing fewer people or it is more expected for me to have a bump...i hope things get better for you.

TeaAndANatter Thu 05-Sep-13 19:58:25

How about, 'yes, I ate the last person who felt the need to comment'. Yum.

My gut instinct is that it's people who feel some deep sense of regret, envy or bitterness that get so invested in other women's pregnancies.

Roanna94 Thu 05-Sep-13 21:11:27

A size 14 isn't big, you were thinner than I was when I got pregnant. I was and still am a 16 and my fiances side of the family won't stop telling me how big i am for 13 weeks. My sister in law keeps insisting that i look awful whenever i see her (even if i thought i was having a good day?). Though today she said i looked 'a lot better than usual', was that supposed to be a compliment?

I really do sympathize.

Stom91 Thu 05-Sep-13 21:24:30

people at work love to tell me im huge for 6 months... went to mw today and im measuring the right size for how far along i am.. so a great big F -you to those that say im huge..
im 5ft2 and a size 14.
and don't you hate it when people just touch your bump without asking, i have a ling about being touched, i hate it and really winds me up when people think that can put their hand all over you just cos you're pregnant.. grr.

Stom91 Thu 05-Sep-13 21:25:09

thing**

Strokethefurrywall Thu 05-Sep-13 22:55:37

People are idiots.

Nobody said anything to me when I was pregnant about my size or tried to touch my bump, but that's probably because I had "fuck off" stamped on my forehead.

I wouldn't hesitate to tell someone to get fucked if they said the same to me, or felt the need to comment on my shape or size. It is absolutely unacceptable - the only thing people should say to pregnant women is "you look beautiful!" or "you're absolutely blooming, pregnancy really suits you!" - there is no excuse for anything other than positive comments.

OP you're not being a sensitive little darling. The next time she does it, say "at least I've got an excuse to have a belly - what's yours?"

Bitch.

DaleyBump Thu 05-Sep-13 23:01:45

I am in EXACTLY the same position as you. I was a size 14 pre pregnancy, had lost two stone and am now 27+5 and people won't stop telling me that I won't go to term and that I'm huge. Fair enough, I feel like si have my own gravitational pull but that's not for other people to point out. My sister was making fun of me the other day and I kind of went off on one and asked her if she liked insulting pregnant women. It really shut her up. You have my sympathy flowers

DaleyBump Thu 05-Sep-13 23:02:34

*I

MrsKwazii Thu 05-Sep-13 23:17:19

"Are you sure there's only one in there? Hahaha!" The next person who says that to me is definitely going to get it in the neck. It wasn't funny the first time and really isn't when you've heard it every day or so for months. Haven't people heard about the concept of an internal monologue? Grrrr <and breathe> <feels post rant glow approaching>

LateBear Fri 06-Sep-13 09:01:09

From my MIL I get the more subtle 'oh I put it on all round the back too' then mentions (again) how my SIL (her DD) only had a neat little bump in the front. Like i need reminding - I saw that myself, and now she's back in her size 10 clothes, I'm worried about ever getting back into a 12/14
I hadn't thought I was too bad but she goes on about how huge 'some women' get when pregnant (ie including me), except for her DD, every time I see her, but never says anything directly so there's nothing I can say back, and believe me i would!

sprite25 Fri 06-Sep-13 09:13:56

Thanks to everyone who posted, I really did think I was over reacting but I'm just sick of hearing it (like I'm sure we all are). The same lady who mentions it all the time also says to me every time 'are you sure its not twins?' yes I'm sure its not twins!!! I just don't understand why just because we're pregnant we somehow become public property for people to just comment on when ever they feel like it, if they cant say anything nice then why say anything at all. People seem to think that constantly bombarding us preggers with negative comments is fine and has no impact (comments on size/weight, the delight in trying to terrify us with horror birthing stories, telling us how awful we will feel once baby is here because we wont ever sleep again) whats wrong with being bloody positive eh?!

Franykins Fri 06-Sep-13 09:27:31

I am 28 weeks tomorrow and HUGE. I was a size 14 before falling pg. People love to comment on how big I am already and I get a lot of 'oh you must be having twins' well yes I am thank you very much! I can only assume this is going to get much worse as I get much bigger! However, I love my twin baby bump, no idea how much 'over' I am measuring as my mw keeps saying oh there's really no point in measuring you as there is no normal for multiples. I might ask her to today though just to see.

I know I'm not quite in the same situation as I am carry twins but the comments are still rather insensitive I think. No one should comment on someone's size when pregnant. We are doing something amazing and should be congratulated for it, not made it feel fat/shit.

flowers for you sprite25

afrikat Fri 06-Sep-13 09:38:00

In the space of a day this week I was told my bump was huge and was I sure it wasn't twins and also it was very neat and I looked too small for 38 weeks. Basically no one has a fucking clue they just feel the need to comment for no apparent reason. From now on the only comment I am ever going to give to a pregnant woman is 'oh you look beautiful'. That's all that is needed!!

mycatlikestwiglets Fri 06-Sep-13 12:04:41

I honestly think the majority of people just have no idea what a heavily pregnant woman looks like. I'm a size 6-8 and all bump - I'm only 5'3" so my pregnancies just stick out, I assume because there isn't really anywhere else for the baby to go. I've had people asking me for weeks (I'm 32 weeks atm) when the baby's due and looking like hmm when I say end of October (and I measure spot on for my dates). Just this morning someone commented at what a big baby it looks likely to be. I just smile and shrug it off now - my last baby was fairly sizeable at just under 9lbs so I sometimes mention that, but it is pretty annoying!

mrspaddy Fri 06-Sep-13 12:20:07

No you are not overreacting Op.. People are very insensitive. I ad a senior work colleague say ughhhh you are massive, my breasts were very big etc. this was early on.

I am lucky, a teacher I have been off since July and don't have to deal with them now. I actually didn't get ht big after that though.. For the record, I said it to the Headteacher that I wasn't happy with the lack of professionalism. We have large bitchy enough staff.

The upside is, members of the public have been so lovely. This week alone ( I am full term now) I had a woman give me a ticket for car parks, another leg me ahead in a queue and another lift all my shopping

Really appreciated it.

Try not to worry about them.. But do speak up.. Say you think that is is bad manners.

mrspaddy Fri 06-Sep-13 12:21:55

Let me go ahead of her

Yonionekanobe Fri 06-Sep-13 12:25:03

Someone in the office I don't know asked me how far along I am yesterday. When I said 23 weeks she did a face...you know the one hmm

And I think you all look beautiful not that I can see you.

SaucyJack Fri 06-Sep-13 12:42:45

Take it as a compliment (even if the biatch doesn't mean it as one). Being pregnant is awesome. I can't wait to get a proper bump this time round.

moanymandy Fri 06-Sep-13 13:43:52

my sil was posting on Facebook about some excercise thing she has started doing. saying how hard it is etc and then had the cheek to tag me in it saying she will get me on it after I've had the baby! shock
I told her in the nicest way that I haven't finished growing the baby so kindly piss off with your weight comments!
my weight is her issue not mine especially as im still pregnant so not alot I can do about it right now!

BangOn Fri 06-Sep-13 14:02:17

No doubt there are some people who just get a sad kick out of insulting pregnant women, but for most people I think they're just looking for a way to connect & doing it very clumsily. It's such an amazing, private thing we're doing & people want to be a part of it.

For the record i had a playground full of people commenting on my bump yesterday & had to keep trying to remind myself to smile & nod politely.

Definitely think we need a light hearted mn campaign entitled "All You Need to Say to a Pregnant Woman is "You Look Beautiful" '

afrikat Fri 06-Sep-13 23:12:45

Ha, we ARE all beautiful smile I love my bump and know I am going to miss it when it's gone. Won't miss the bloody comments tho.

Hyperhelpmum Sat 07-Sep-13 08:11:19

There are two people at work who comment on my bump independently and both are skinny to the point of looking ill, probably naturally so but you know when people are literally skin and bone. I'm naturally an 8-10 and 5ft 4, about a size 10 now at 30 weeks but third child and bump sticks right out. One of these women not only comments but just STARES at my tummy. I feel SO self conscious and have taken to holding bits of paper in front of my bump if going to photocopier or to get post nr her desk. She constantly says 'Ooo you're all bump' or 'look at that' or 'your bumps coming alongside' . Yes , it's a baby. It will grow and grow and grow and then come out! Sorry to high jack OP but any ideas of what I can do say? 'stop f'ing staring at me, I'm not a freak show' sounds a bit aggressive!

Hyperhelpmum Sat 07-Sep-13 08:12:18

Sorry ' bumps coming along nicely'!

MunchkinJess Sat 07-Sep-13 08:28:12

first time preggers here and I have never come across so many negative comments and predujice as I have while being pregnant. .its been a real sad eye opener...

before pregnancy I was 10.7 size 8/10 5ft3. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and have out on a total of 2 stone so far. I have suffered with weight problems all my life. I had a gastic bypass 7 years ago as I was severely obese and since then have always kept my weight down through the exercise and diet.

since getting pregnant its been hard getting my head around my changing body and weight gain.

one lady at work this week who is overweight and never been pregnant told me that I must clearly be carrying twins. when I said no she said oh must be a big baby thenenvy ...I had enough and said well I can clearly see you are a medical professional but just so you can sleep well tonight im due to give birth in 5 weeks, im measuring normal, normal weight gain and news flash the bump will get bigger as im cooking a baby in here not a roast dinner!!!! ..then I waddled away lol...ive had so many comments about how big or not big I am angry sad envy

justnapping Sat 07-Sep-13 08:38:50

I feel for you. Me and my bump were absolutely huge when I was pregnant and people commented on it all the time. Are you sure it's not twins blah blah. I actually started saying in a jokey(ish) manner - how rude! I'm growing a person in here! Which didn't stop all of the comments (did stop some) but also made me feel a bit better, without being too confrontational. I don't know why it's such a badge of honour to be tiny when you're pregnant?!

Sarahmains40 Sat 07-Sep-13 15:18:33

People can be horrible pregnant or not I don't ever think you can justify calling some one huge. If some one says that to you again just bite back saying at least my excuse is I'm pregnant, I'm a size 14 to 16 I'm only 8 weeks and I'm 5ft 2 so I am dreading people telling me I'm huge lol I think it would actually make me feel really down.

MunchkinJess Sat 07-Sep-13 16:25:15

I told someone the other day at work who asked if my partner was tall hence why I may be having a big babyenvy ...I said under this baby is a size 6 model so dont stress yourself ....ive had so so so many comments at work...

one of my fiances friends said to me oh your bigger than last week arent you..well yes captain obvious im hardly gonna get smaller as the pregnancy progresses. .. honestly I would never dream of saying such things to people

Sarahmains40 Sat 07-Sep-13 16:39:40

It's those mouthy idiots who would be upset straight away if you said summit to them, IDIOTS

Chrissy178 Sat 07-Sep-13 16:58:19

I'm 33 weeks now and my mum's gotten into the habit of calling me 'chubster' and 'fatty', then giggling like it's the funniest joke in the world. I just ignore her, she's quite chubby herself so I can't take the names seriously.

Ls271082 Sat 07-Sep-13 17:05:24

I've had similar - mostly at work too. I'm 38 weeks now and why people feel the need to comment is beyond me. Why do they think its ok to comment on weight suddenly. I would never dream of commenting on someone's appearance preg or not.

I've had -

I look like a tele tubby
How's the pie eating competition going
Greeted with 'hi fatty'
Is it twins
God u are ready to drop (at about 20 weeks)
U must have loads of stretch marks
You look in proportion - you've put on weight everywhere

Aargh - tossers!

mrspaddy Sat 07-Sep-13 17:09:20

Your mum... Oh that is not on...

With seven weeks to go you need to get her cheeks and say...' Oooohhh chubby chubby yourself' sorry.

SaucyJack Sat 07-Sep-13 18:53:33

I'm taking back my yesterday's comment now, seeing as earlier on DP came in when I was bathing, did a double take at my belly and went "Oh crikey, you really are pregnant aren't you?!" with a kind of shock look on his face.

sprite25 Mon 09-Sep-13 13:19:59

Was talking to another woman at work about a workmates wedding in October and when I said I didn't know what I would end up wearing, she looked me up and down and said 'a tent' im really starting to dislike the people I work with, not that I liked many of them in the 1st place.

MunchkinJess Mon 09-Sep-13 15:47:34

that is so rude sprite25..how did people not think before they speak?!?!...honestly cant wait till half of them are pregnant. ..not that I would stoop to their level but just so they know how it feels.to have your body high jacked and then have nasty comments made when you are at your most vulnerable !.... I have one who.keeps calling me fatso at work then has the cheek to say its a bit mean but cant help myself! ! charmingenvy

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