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Good idea to take almost 7 yr old dd to 12 week scan, or not?

(27 Posts)
Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 15:24:29

I will be having my scan this thursday. I had one at 9 weeks and saw hb and all was fine so im expecting the baby to be ok all being well.
My dd will be 7 soon and as yet doesnt know im pg as we are keeping it to ourselves until scan and we thought it was a big ask to ask a child to keep a secret like that.
Anyhow she already has a brother, my ds whos 3, that most definitly wont be attending the scan as hes a fidget, etc. But she has been asking us to have another dc for a while so i thought it would be nice to suprise her by taking ger up to the hospital and then breaking the news just before the scan. I also thought actually seeing the baby will make it seem real as i know she will be doubtful its actually happening as ive said no for so long! (this dc is actually unplanned so i guess she must have been wishing pretty damned hard!)

I then was going to let her tell my parents and other family, etc so that she gets to be the news bearer which i know she will love.
On the other hand im aware that things dont always go as planned and if there was a chance of somthing being wrong i wouldnt want her to be confused or upset by it.
What do you reckon, would you take your 7 year old dc?

drivinmecrazy Mon 02-Sep-13 15:27:25

We took DD1 to our 12 week scan, she was 4. We did take a friend who sat outside with her initially. Then when we knew all was well DD came in to see. It was a really special moment when she saw the baby

HotCrossPun Mon 02-Sep-13 15:30:16

It depends on the child I think. As long as she can be trusted to sit quietly and not run around then I would say she is old enough.

Pancakeflipper Mon 02-Sep-13 15:30:35

I would personally not.
Waiting around, scan not going well, having to go in the back to waiting because baby is not co-operating.

Then again I remember having to go to a scan on my own as DP was out of the country. That was lonely.

prettymess Mon 02-Sep-13 15:31:41

We took 5y old DD, but I had never thought of the fact that something might be wrong. Thankfully, all was well and she decided on a name there and then and we named DS what she choose. It was very special to all of us. She's 12 now and remembers it well. I think drivinmecrazy's idea of letting her wait outside for a little while is good. Also, consider they might have to wait quite a while before you're let into the room, so bring something for boredom busting!

JoinTheDots Mon 02-Sep-13 15:35:54

I think it would be really nice, if the scan goes well, to call her in to see when you know its all OK. It might be hard to explain why you are there in the first place though? If you are going to wait to tell her until she gets to see the baby that is. There will be explaining why you are at the hospital, explaining why she has to wait in a room full of pregnant women... I should think a 7 year old will be able to guess why you are there!

On another note - the letter I had for the 12 week scan specifically said that the trust does not allow children into the clinical areas of the hospital including scan rooms - so I had to attend my last 2 scans alone (both actually were MMC so it was for the best my DD was not there, but a shame I was not able to have DH there as he was with DD...) are you allowed to take her..?

HumphreyCobbler Mon 02-Sep-13 15:37:03

I wouldn't personally in case of bad news.

meditrina Mon 02-Sep-13 15:52:19

Even with good outcome earlier, you can still get adverse (or inconclusive) news at both 12 and 20 week scans. They are diagnostic procedures.

I would not take anyone to a scan who I did not think could support me if there was bad news. A 7 year old is too young for that role.

Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 16:02:27

Jointhedots they do definitly allow children there as there have always been plenty in the waiting room when ive been up before. I think your right though about maybe telling her a bit before we set off to the hospital thinking about it logically.
Hotcross, shes a very well behaved girl and quite grown up so i know i can trust her to sit still and behave but i know what you mean as my son would most definitly not do!
Drivemecrazy i was thinking that would probably be best if she waited outside first with dp which i would most likely do. Drivinnmecrazy i think your post is lovely that your ds still remembers the scan at 12 and thats what is makng me want to take dd, i wanted to involve her as much as possible whilst hopfully creating some nice memories. She was too young with ds to attend scand etc and it took her quite a while to get used to him when he arrived.
On the other hand humphrey cobbler its the thought of bad news that makes me think twice!
Thanks for replies all.

I wouldn't. I have had 2 scans where our nuchal fold measurement meant bad news and ended in me in floods of tears. Wasn't something I would have a 13 year old there for let alone a little one.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 02-Sep-13 16:28:37

I personally wouldn't just in case of any bad news on the day as I think a 7 year old would be old enough to know something bad had happened but equally too young to deal with it.

I booking a private scan for a day or two later an option? That way you can have your 12 week one and then when you know everything is ok you can tell her by perhaps showing the scan pic and surprise her with the fact that you are taking her to a scan to actually see the baby on screen?

Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 17:24:23

Madam, how did the pregnancies turn out in the end? Im concerned about the nuchal issue as although im not exactly old at 33 im not in my twenties anymore either, and we are sure would terminate for the trisimys.
Pumkin i have thought about having a 16 week sexing scan so hanging on another four weeks is an option and then taking her to that one but im not sure if ile bloom in next few weeks as so far im not really showing and noone has passed comment. You are right though that she would know as shes a perceptive little sole.
This is all somthing to seriously consider.

CrispyFB Mon 02-Sep-13 17:44:28

I had no choice but to take my very similar to yours sensible, almost 7 year old with me to a 10 week scan last week. School holidays and DH being unavoidably elsewhere meant there was just no option.

It wasn't the 12 week scan as it was just a viability check before doing Harmony (which I get the results of along with doing my NT scan in two weeks). Baby was fine at 6 and 7 weeks, and I've been using a doppler daily and the heartbeat was getting easier and easier to find, so given it was just "viability" I was pretty sure that box would be ticked with no complications. It was all fine.

She was oddly not that interested in the scan which was a shame. She did already know about the baby which may have had some bearing, but to a 7 year old, a silent white fuzzy blob on a 2D screen is just not as exciting as a pink screaming sibling. I was thrilled at the little legs, she was all "whatever.."

Anyway, if you think she is the sort to not mind seeing mummy upset (my DD is very practical, and has seen me upset over things before and dealt with it fine) then go for it. Just don't necessarily expect her to be ridiculously excited!!

Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:23:03

Thanks crispy, im usually a pretty level headed person and tend to deal with things in a quiet n composed way so even when im upset i contain it pretty well.
If its bad news ile be gutted but tears n outward upset isnt how ile deal with it so she would'nt see that but would pick up on the aptmosphere no doubt.
In taking after me she also wont be overly dramaticly excited about seeing the scan but im sure inside she would be quite chuffed, i think. Suppose ive got untill thursday to decide......

Slavetominidictator Mon 02-Sep-13 18:43:14

I had a seven week scan with a strong heartbeat, measuring perfectly for dates. Then I had a 12 week scan where it was dead. I didn't cry or show any outward sign of distress, despite it being suggested that I should by the sonographer (!) but I would not have wanted a child in the room. The atmosphere was just horrible. Just a warning of how things can potentially go - I am sure you'll be fine, but just be aware there is a tiny percentage of us for whom things go wrong just before 12 weeks and if your daughter needs that experience.

Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 19:11:13

Slave, sorry to hear about what happened, it must have been devastating. I will be apprehensive untill we kniw that the baby is still ok etc.
I guess as much as it seems all lovely n romantic to take her im kind of leaning toward waiting until the later scan.

Blu Mon 02-Sep-13 19:36:17

My personal choice would be to recognize that the scan is a medical diagnostic. / screwing procedure and not make it part of a sweet romantic breaking of news to a 7 yo.

Do NHS sonographers pause after making sure that everthing is as expected ( the sole purpose of the scan) and wait for children to be brought in for another look?

I have experience of discussing complications at a scan and I would not have wanted responsibility for a young child distracting me from the questions I needed to ask and the information I needed to understand and take in.

Lovely that your DD is so keen. You can always show her the print out, and let her tell her GPs.

RobotHamster Mon 02-Sep-13 19:40:07

Ring then and ask -ours doesn't let you bring in siblings

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NatashaBee Mon 02-Sep-13 19:41:35

I wouldn't take a child to a scan unless necessary. Could you make her a 'big sister' gift pack to open afterwards with some presents (maybe a big sister t shirt) and a pic of the scan, and let her guess the news?

fuckwittery Mon 02-Sep-13 19:52:24

I didnt take my 6 year old to my scan, but I did tell her about it on her birthday! Tbh she was so excited anyway I dont know what a scan would have added. Didnt take to 20 week scan either, and just had a 3D scan at 32 weeks, when baby really looks like baby, and not too long to go, DD was mildly interested but is mainly excited about a baby, not a blob on a screen even when that was a 3D scan of a fully formed baby!

Slavetominidictator Mon 02-Sep-13 20:51:58

Thanks peace - I'm ok about it now, but thank you.

For what it's worth, I vividly remember my mum taking me out and telling me she was pregnant when I was 6 and I just loved the whole afternoon - it was so exciting and special being told on my own. Good luck and have a lovely time telling her however you choose to do it.

Peacenquiet2 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:04:05

Thanks slave, and glad you feel bit better about your loss now.
There are a few lovely suggestions from you ladies so i think ile use a few of them. I could make it special without her seeing the scan, i just need to think.
Thanks for your feedback ladies.

3MenAndMe Mon 02-Sep-13 21:08:58

I took my boys 10 &12 to all my scans and it was lovely, bonding experience for all of us.Now they arereally smitten with LO.
She will be big sister now so it's good to involve her right from beginning.
I'm really suprised by all ifs and buts and discouraging comments.
Congratulations and good luck.

MorningHasBroken Mon 02-Sep-13 21:22:44

We took dss and dsd to our 20 week scan to be met with bad news which left both me and the sonographer(!) in tears. Dh just managed a stiff upper lip. Two very confused kids, lots of hanging around and they didn't really understand what they could see on screen anyway. I definitely wouldn't take them again. If they hadn't been there we'd have had time to get our own heads around it before working out how best to talk to them about it.

DS is fine now but the weeks leading up to, and following, his birth were fairly harrowing.

HumphreyCobbler Mon 02-Sep-13 21:30:11

3MenAndMe - you are lucky in that you are surprised tbh as it implies that you have only ever had good news at a scan. I am glad for you that this is so, but I have had more bad news than good news when going to scans, this is my sixth pregnancy but my third child. I have had bad news at 20 weeks.

It is really not surprising that people should preach caution.

Both were fine peace. Dd is 13 and DS nearly 9 and at 38 I am 30 weeks with dc3!

Went to FMC this time though as couldn't face the nhs telling me I needed invasive testing because my risk of genetic defects was so high and there end up with nothing wrong.

We are taking the DCs with us to the FMC in a couple of weeks for them to meet their sibling (stroppy dd not taking it well) but they will wait outside until we sure all ok.

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