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Crying on the bathroom floor.

(62 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 09:48:43

Morning everyone, I don't really know what I need, advice or reassurance but I just need to have a release.

Due to health issues I have it was a long journey get the "ok" from my Consultants to try and get pregnant and me and my husband couldn't believe it when we then got pregnant on our first month of trying. I am excited, I really am, but I'm miserable too.

I naively thought pregnancy would be a magical time but I'm only 10 weeks in and sick of it already. I've had two separate occasions of bleeding, the first one turned out to be ok but I'm currently awaiting my 2 ND scan so make sure baby is still ok. I have felt ill for the last 4 weeks, I'm absolutely exhausted and I haven't seen friends and family for so long because I just can't bring myself to leave the house. I'm having painful restless legs, heads, nausea and all I seem to be living off is cheeses and onion crisps and crackers. The house is an absolute mess but I jut don't have the energy to care or do anything about it.

I woke up this morning with my usual nausea but then I realised that it wasn't just nausea this time but that I was actually going to be sick. Quick dart to the bathroom and then the vomiting started.

When I stopped being sick I just curled up on the bathroom mat and started crying. My crying episode lasted for ages. I only started feeling better when one of my gorgeous cats wondered in and was available for cuddles.

I feel awful when so many women would give anything to be pregnant, but I'm just so tired and ill. I want to have a happy pregnancy, not a miserable one. I just can't see how I'm going to cope with feeling like this for much longer.

Thank you for listening x x

callamia Mon 02-Sep-13 09:54:20

I'm sending you a large hug.

You're doing fine, and I know it doesn't even nearly feel like it.
I also had a couple of bleeds in my first 15 weeks, and each time it was nerve-wracking to wait to see what was going on.

Feeling wretched is often part of the process. Lots of people will tell you that it's the sign of things going well. Be kind to yourself. Go back to bed, don't feel bad about eating crisps (I mainly wanted chips) , the state of the house doesn't matter at all, and your friends and family will still be there when you feel more human in a couple of weeks. Things should start to improve soon, but in the meantime, do whatever you need to.

And congratulations! grin

BlissfullyIgnorant Mon 02-Sep-13 09:55:19

Aww, you poor thing!
That's what being pregnant is, love. Nobody wants you to know about the vomit, haemorrhoids, constipation, pain in all sorts of places at all sorts of times, constant tiredness, incontinence...the list goes on. See GP or midwife for practical advice and support and keep coming back here for hand holding. Hope it improves soon xx

For me (excepting the last few waiting days/ weeks) this is by far the hardest part of pregnancy. Fingers crossed you'll feel less sick in a few weeks.
I always found that once I had a bump and began to feel movements pregnancy was/ is enjoyable smile
As for crying I burst into tears in the middle of town on Saturday because DH told me I had some dust on the back of my trouser - literally couldn't stop crying for ten mins and had to head for the car blush
Hope you feel better soon x

MummyJetsetter Mon 02-Sep-13 09:59:50

Poor you feeling so crap! You sound really down, maybe talk to a health visitor about your emotions, (I've found them to be a little more gentle mannered than midwives!) as for the nausea and other symptoms, some can be treated so you should talk to a gp or midwife to help you out with that. Hopefully another couple of weeks will see you through the worst of it and you might feel a bit brighter. Not everybody glows with pregnancy and even those who appear to don't always feel like they do! I get told I'm glowing etc but have felt like hell! You just have to get through it. Good luck. x

oh yes and I used to drink tonic water for restless legs - read somewhere it helps. I think just keeping your fluids up helps with it really and trying not to let yourself get over tired (easier said than done I know!) smile

MrsDeVere Mon 02-Sep-13 10:01:31

You poor thing sad

Its the hormones too, don't forget them.
I really, really wanted DC4 but was miserable the whole time I was pregnant with him. I thought it was due a bereavement not long before I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant with DC5 and felt the same!

I now think it was down to the affect the hormones have on my poor pregnant brain. smile

The early stages are knackering too and you don't tend to get much sympathy because you don't look massive.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad! You don't have to waft around with a serene expression on your face. You can feel rubbish and have a grump.
Hopefully you will feel better soon but there may be other blips along the way.

Being pregnant can feel crap, however much its longed for. People don't tend to tell you that.

thanks

K8eee Mon 02-Sep-13 10:02:13

Writer I feel for you xxx thanks I'm pg with baby #1 and I don't know how anyone can focus properly in the first trimester. One my of really close fiends is a midwife, and she has reassured me that the sickness and feeling crappy is positive! smile I too never realised I would feel this rubbish, but just think of the little bundle that you'll get at the end of it; it'll be worth it and there are plenty of us here for support thanks

EqualsX Mon 02-Sep-13 10:03:55

Sympathy OP, I'm now 20 weeks and feel as if i have lost three months to the nausea and exhaustion. It's an IVF pregnancy after a very long time trying so I really know how it feels to think you should be so happy and grateful but instead you cant lift your head off the pillow and are moping around barely leaving the house. I spent hours crying on my DH.

If the sickness continues get to the GP and see if they can prescribe something to help, then just try and take each day as it comes.

I promise it gets better!

gamerchick Mon 02-Sep-13 10:05:24

Ironically feeling crap is what you want really. You've likely had a surge in hormone which is maintaining the pregnancy and made you vomit Your placenta will take over soon and hopefully you'll feel better than you do now. The first trimester really sucks.

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:11:41

First of all, congratulations smile

I am 16 + 3 and have been sick and constantly feeling nauseous since week 5. I have also had a bleed which was very scary but had 2 scans and everything is ok, bleeding/spotting is more common than I thought. I feel the most ill and depressed I have ever felt in my life and my house too is a bloody mess. Don't worry about the crisps, just eat whatever you can to get through the day.
I too thought it would be 'magical' haha how wrong I was! Never felt so disgusting. Our baby was planned and is much wanted and much loved already but it's still hard.

Your not the only one to cry on the bathroom floor love I think there is so much pressure to glow and radiate from day 1 and when you feel like crap you feel like your failing. I do anyway. It will get better, I finally feel like I'm coming out the other side and can start to get excited about the baby.

Hang in there, focus on the end goal. When are you due ? X

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:16:19

Thank you everyone, you are all so lovely and understanding. I have just got back from a second bout of sickness, my cat didn't want to come near me this time and instead she just watched from a distance.

When I got back from the bathroom I took out my scan photos (from previous reassurance scans) and told my Jelly Baby off for making me so poorly, but looking at the little bean also made the whole thing more bearable smile

Mummy - my best friend is a Health Visitor and she said she will pop round later to see how I am - I will prepare her for a possible breakdown x

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:18:53

fatpenguin - I'm not due until the 29th March, which will be 2 weeks after our first wedding anniversary. It just sounds so far away sad

I know what you mean about feeling disgusting! I look it as well as feel it, I can't face any mirrors in the house at the moment sad

I'm glad you are starting to feel better about things though, I guess we all just have to push ourselves through it x

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:18:59

Sorry forget to mention as others have said go to the doctor for sickness if you need it, I am on Ondansetron it doesn't stop sickness completely but makes life a bit more bearable.

Kelly1814 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:19:10

Oh writer! You are not naive.....

I too was sold the dream of pregnancy, glowing and skipping through cornfields!

The reality of being sick as a dog, exhausted, in pain, all whilst working 12-14 hour days, has come as something of a shock!

Trust us, it will pass.

At the time each day I felt like I was wading through treacle or on some sort of Japanese tv torture show.

Now I'm 35 weeks and cannot believe the time has gone so quick. Focus on each day and know you are not alone.

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:25:05

29th march is not far away at all smile once Christmas is over the time will fly. And how lovely to be pregnant on your 1st wedding anniversary!

Yeah I don't look in mirrors, I never get spots but now I look like a greasy spotty chalky faced teen. Fun!

Pm if you ever need someone to talk to. X

Maryz Mon 02-Sep-13 10:26:12

I hated being pregnant.

I hated every single second of it.

And to make it worse, ds was two weeks late, so I had an extra fortnight of it.

But it is a finite amount of time. You feel atm that it will last forever, but it won't. Be nice to yourself.

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:26:34

Hi Writer
You have expressed just what I'm feeling too (I'm 8+1 today).

Our baby is planned & much wanted but I feel so miserable and that makes me feel ungrateful!
I thought it was all wafting about serenely with a neat bump... Just like FatPenguin i feel and look revolting.

Nobody told me about the disturbed sleep, constipation, bloat, sorest of sore norks and the general desire to hibernate (don't look at me!). And all in secret so I look like an anti-social hermit ignoring my f&f hmm I'm so over this trimester!! I am however extremely grateful that I have had no bleeding & can't imagine how frightening that is for you x

I really feel for you OP, please don't put pressure on yourself - so what if you live on crisps and haven't done the hoovering, the world will keep turning and hopefully after your scan and once your into the second trimester things will be a lot brighter - keep going Writer thanks

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:29:34

Sorry - not that Penguin necessarily looks revolting - I mean I do smile

Kelly grin Japanese torture show

FatPenguin Mon 02-Sep-13 10:32:58

Princess - thank you, but I do indeed look like I've been dug up grin

quickchat Mon 02-Sep-13 10:34:34

I was totally depressed in all 3 PG at this stage. It is your hormones. Being sick is normal. I had bleeding all through my first PG. Being anxious throughout is normal.
In my third PG I tried to reason with myself smile that it was hormones and after the first trimester I would be fine but I couldn't be happy at all.

I love the second trimester. You will start to feel more energetic again and you get happy hormones! Try not to eat rubbish once you stop being sick. I didn't really look after myself with my third PG and I ended up with Gestational Diabetes in PG and that is not nice. It doesn't take much, im not even overweight.

You will get through this and start enjoying your PG i promise. It seems impossible when you feel so low though. x

LadyBigtoes Mon 02-Sep-13 10:38:27

Oh op you poor thing, at 10 weeks you are right in the middle of the shittiest, most miserable time of sickness, bloating, exhaustion and hormones. If you are lucky this will tail off in just a couple more weeks, or it might take longer - for me I felt better at 15 weeks, but many people I knew were better earlier. Also, as pg goes on and you start to show, you get more special treatment like people giving you a seat and fussing over you. It's really unfair that the worst sickness and tiredness happens when you're still not really obviously pregnant.

Fingers crossed all will be well and you'll feel better soon. If you can, at this stage, sleep when you need to. Sleep in the middle of the day whenever you can. Tiredness makes the sickness worse IME.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 02-Sep-13 10:51:11

Writer I'm 12.3 at the moment. I have had 2 other successful PGs. You are not all e I promise. I am still feeling rough, but it is easing. So far in the last 12 weeks I have:
Felt sick since week 4. Not been sick but severely nauseous.
Eaten absolute shite, when I've managed to eat anything!
Drunk nothing.
Not had a normal poo in weeks.
Wet the bed.
Fallen out with my best friend.
Made DPs life an absolute mystery.
Slept for hours.
Made the whole family survive on ready meals because I can't face cooking.
I split up with DP during the early days of both of the last PGs!
Not done that yet but I did nearly throw a Hoover at him the other day!
It's all easing now though. I managed to eat twice yesterday. And DP is still here! wink
You will be just fine. And in 6 months will be cradling your gorgeous beautiful baby. All this becomes a distant memory within minutes of birth.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:53:28

Thanks for all further advice and support.

Just had 3rd bout of vomiting now. I really thought that seeing as I'd got to 10 weeks without having had any, it meant I was out of the woods hmm

I don't know why I'm being sick, I haven't eaten in about 13 hours and there is nothing I there! Also, if our hormones are in our blood stream why does our body want to empty our stomach? I don't understand. Or do the hormones makes the Bain feel nauseous and it just reacts by making us vomit? It isn't like us vomiting actually does anything productive is it in terms of benefitting the body during pregnancy?

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:55:11

Saggy - wow! Sounds like you have been on a right emotional roller coaster... smile We don't currently have a Hoover thankfully but I will bear it in mind as a potential weapon whenever I feel really pissed off!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 02-Sep-13 10:58:10

grin
Try eating before you get up if you can. I'm a firm believer in food fighting nausea. Eat whatever your stomach tells you it can face.

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 11:18:12

OMG Saggy! I'm going to cease my moaning, you poor thing!

Ah.... do you remember just normal non-pregnancy, easy, regular poos? And when putting your make up on made you look 'made up' and not just alive?

Those were the days my friend.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Mon 02-Sep-13 11:19:52

Lol! I don't wear makeup! I may have to resosrt to a paper bag with two holes cut in it! wink

Writerwannabe83 Mon 02-Sep-13 11:20:19

Lol Princess regarding easy poos smile

No sickness now for half an hour so I've braved a few sips of squash and now I'm munching on a dry cracker....

CrispyFB Mon 02-Sep-13 11:26:00

This is my fourth baby (due two days before you!) and yep.. first trimester is the worst time by far. Not only do you have the uncertainty of things not working out, but you feel like absolute crap and no energy. And when you feel like that, everything feels impossible.

Weirdly I find the nausea is more constant earlier on, but by 9-10 weeks there is less of it, but more intense. I threw up for the first time at 9-10 weeks after thinking I was nearly over it!

Most people find they feel better by 12-14 weeks or so and get more energy back, I hope that's the case for you.

Good luck with your scan when you have it!

vkinski Mon 02-Sep-13 11:58:05

The first trimester is by far the worst! Keep going, it will get better. This is my second pregnancy (now 30+1) and in my first trimester I fainted twice and generally felt pretty rubbish. Luckily for me it passed around week 10 and I have (so far!) kept really well. Now I'm in my third trimester, I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable but for some reason it is easier to deal with when you can feel your baby moving and see the bump. Keep resting, don't beat yourself up about not being a pregnant glowing woman (I don't think she exists anyway!) and keep in your head that you will start feeling better soon xx

Bumpsadaisie Mon 02-Sep-13 12:16:03

Bless you love. The first 15 weeks of both my pregnancies were just as you describe.

You feel dreadful and you are depressed and have no motivation to do anything. I was throwing up about 20 times a day, so debilitating.

They say pregnancy is not an illness, and yes, for many women, it isn't, they just feel more tired than normal. But for some it really is an illness, esp in the early stages.

Good news is that by 15 weeks or so you will be feeling much better. By the time you get to your 20 week scan I am sure you will be feeling more you.

And the last trimester will be a breeze for you - as you will be able to look back and say, well I'm uncomfy but its nowhere near as bad as the first 15 weeks! (While all those other women who breezed through the first trimester are reeling with the shock!)

Good luck. Just go with it, don't worry, and it will pass soon.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 02-Sep-13 12:18:35

PS my two children derived their earliest in utero nourishment from crackers, copious amounts of coca cola, and fruit sherbets.

Needless to say they are absolutely fine in fact they are hale and hearty kids.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 02-Sep-13 12:20:03

PPS dont think about 29th March. Just think about this week. You've got to pace yourself!

coffeewineandchocolate Mon 02-Sep-13 12:26:42

I'm 7+4 and experiencing sickness too. I had it badly until 11 weeks with my first and then it just disappeared overnight. The sickness is caused by a fast increase in hormones as your baby grows so try and see it as a positive thing. Have you been to the gp to see if they can prescribe anything?

Just eat and drink what and when you can- the baby will get all its nutrients from you. Hopefully the sickness will stop soon and you can eat more healthily!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 07:09:40

Morning everyone, I'm feeling a bit better today.

I took some of your advice and decided to set my alarm early to enable me to slowly have something to eat whilst lying in bed. So I've had a lovely strawberry yoghurt and now I'm munching my way through some Rich Tea biscuits. I'm off work at the moment (due to the bleeding) so at least I can leisurely let it digest. I've got to be at the hospital for 9am tomorrow and Im dreading having to rush about or the potential sickness. I'm not sure how I'm going to drink 2 litres of water without it coming straight back up again...... hmm

MrsSpencerReid Tue 03-Sep-13 07:23:37

Hi writer, hope you feel a bit better today, if your scan is at 9am could you not just skip your first wee of the day? Then you prob won't have to drink extra smile my DS was grown on lettuce and vinegar for the first 12/16w and I don't think it did him any harmsmile am 18w with dc2 and this one has been grown on snickers!!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 07:32:35

Haha Mrs Spencer - I feel a bit better now about all the pointless food I am eating : dry crackers, dry biscuits, chocolate milkshakes, yogurts, apples, custard and cheese and onion crisps smile

I actually can't remember the last time I ate a meal hmm smile

That's a good idea about my wee, thanks smile

PrincessKitKat Tue 03-Sep-13 08:09:44

Pleased to hear you're a bit better today writer. I'm having my anti-sickness Cheerios in bed too smile

Let us know how your scan goes tomorrow please? Good luck.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 08:28:26

Course I will princess - I'm actually feeling pretty positive about it as I didn't have any bleeding yesterday. Still having the odd stomach ache and twinge though, but time will tell.

The problem I have now is trying to work out whether I'm hungry or I'm going to be sick. I have this horrible feeling in my stomach and can't decide whether to have another biscuit to see if it settles down or whether I need to make a dash to the bathroom.... hmm

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 08:55:08

Spoke to soon - brown stringy mucus on the toilet paper... hmm

PrincessKitKat Tue 03-Sep-13 09:17:00

Could it just be the remains of the bleeding the other day being flushed out?
Try to keep calm & call your MW or GP x

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 09:39:47

I won't bother with the GP/MW - after all, I have got a scan in the morning, I'm not sure what else they could do?

I'm just staying in bed all day and resting and willing my Bean to hang on.

My Big Boss just called (who is lovely) and said under no circumstances am I to return to work all week. She said that my baby is what's important and if me going off sick for a month is what's needed then that's absolutely what she wants me to do smile She is so supportive. It really helps that I know I don't need to worry about work alongside everything else x

x0gawjus0x Tue 03-Sep-13 10:06:16

Youre lucky with work, i am 14 weeks today and cannot sit or stand without being sick. I was hospitalised last wk for high fever and was on a drip im now bed bound and been signed off work for a week my manager basically hung up on me when i told her so not only do i feel like im in my death bed ive got constant worry about work now too i sure hope theres light at the end of this tunnel n hope you dont suffer as much as some x

PrincessKitKat Tue 03-Sep-13 10:17:31

Great to hear that you're getting support at work Writer. Try to relax today.

Everything crossed for good news tomorrow.

ZingWantsCake Tue 03-Sep-13 10:59:50

writer <waves, 'tis me Zing! x>

first 3 months are tough going
and for me 8-11 weeks were typically the worst ( head in the loo 5x a day).

when the nausea an vomiting ease up you will fell better and the 2nd trimester tends to be lovely and you'll get a bit of your energy back.

you have plenty of time to enjoy your pg - but try to be level headed and not have expectations of what pg should be like!
also some people might look lovely, but could suffer terribly!

Remember that line from Friends when Phoebe gets a compliment about how she's glowing?
she snaps back at Joey that her cool pregnant lady "glow" is from throwing up all morning. grin

keep that in mind. good luck thanks

TarkaTheOtter Tue 03-Sep-13 11:10:34

I agree, the end of the first trimester is the worst bit of pregnancy for me. Just eat what you can and survive it. You can catch up on 5 a day later in pregnancy.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 03-Sep-13 18:30:34

Well I have made it through the day with no vomiting!! grin

I haven't had any tears either...

Maybe yesterday was just a one-off ..... fingers crossed!!! smile

FatPenguin Tue 03-Sep-13 19:37:38

Well done! grin the good days make the bad days easier to deal with. I managed to go to Morrisons earlier and didn't heave once, go me! I did however stand sniffing the fabric softeners for 10 minutes.

Good luck for scan tomorrow, let us know how you get on?

FatPenguin Tue 03-Sep-13 19:41:16

gawjus - don't you worry about work, you and baby have to come first. You are pregnant and your employer has to accept you are not fit for work. It will get better x

bouncysmiley Tue 03-Sep-13 20:41:42

Congratulations and it does get better. I am just entering into morning sickness territory with number two. Last time it got better after week 10. Try eating something small regularly and fizzy water. I hope you're feeling better soon.

PrincessKitKat Tue 03-Sep-13 22:29:24

Really glad you had a better day today Writer.

Good luck for tomorrow!

vkinski Wed 04-Sep-13 08:43:48

Good luck for today writer xx

Sorry you feel so crap, I remember that time well. I vowed not to do it again as the first trimester was so awful.

My babies are nearly one and I am very broody and miss being pregnant! You will forget smile

Writerwannabe83 Wed 04-Sep-13 11:43:16

My scan went very well today - there was an obvious, very active and wriggly baby in there!! I'm so relieved!!

vkinski Wed 04-Sep-13 11:56:26

Amazing news writer! I have been thinking about you all morning. Hope this helps you to feel a tiny bit better and to look forward to a stage when you won't be feeling this rubbish! Take care xx

middleclassdystopia Wed 04-Sep-13 13:19:58

Hi i'm on my third pregnancy and had forgotten as there is a big gap between this abd my youngest.

Now nearly 8 weeks and I feel awful. 24 hour nausea, utter exhaustion and look like a zombie. I'm eating rubbish too.

I'm so glad your scan went okay. I hate the first trimester it's evil.

DragonyOldClothCatPuss Wed 04-Sep-13 14:15:28

Yay for a wriggling bean! grin
12.5 here and feeling rough rough rough! I had a couple of days of feeling better at the weekend, and now I just want to crawl into bed and hide again! sad

PrincessKitKat Wed 04-Sep-13 16:41:56

Hurrah for the bean! So pleased for you Writer, it must be a massive relief smile

jellyandcake Wed 04-Sep-13 16:44:10

Six weeks here and was lying on the bathroom floor last night resolving to see a doctor and beg for some help. Have felt better today but eaten crisps, crackers, white bread and peanut butter and been drinking coke. So I feel guilty about my crappy diet and the amount of cbeebies my toddler is watching. Last time, the vomiting started at nine weeks and went on til week 21. I keep getting very upset about the prospect of the vomiting starting up (only nausea so far) and very depressed about the idea offeeling like this for another 15 weeks if it's the same as my first pregnancy.

jellyandcake Wed 04-Sep-13 16:47:57

Posted too soon! Also feel bad as I had a mc in June and should be grateful for this pregnancy (and I am). I told my Dh that if I were to lose this one I couldn't try again as I simply couldn't go through early pregnancy again. It is awful.

However, I loved the second half of pregnancy, even the final weeks. I had a great birth and obviously it's all worth it for the lovely baby in the end. It really does get better!

ZingWantsCake Wed 04-Sep-13 16:53:44

thanks for update, so delighted for you!thanks

what a relief! wink

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