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Pregnant with toddler - how are you coping?

(59 Posts)
NumberTwoDue Wed 28-Aug-13 14:25:11

Because I'm not, basically.... DD is 21 months and in full flung tantrum, no-no-no-ing, throwing, naughty, shouty mode. We've also had a brief period of abysmal sleep (which thankfully I think we're through now) and I'm just feeling so tired and weepy and like I'm being a really rubbish mum for her. She's normally so well behaved and fun, but this past month or so has been a bit soul destroying and I'm finding it worse as I get more pregnant and hormonal (am 31 weeks). Normally I can pick my battles, keep calm and control the situation, but at the moment I'm flying from terribly upset to furious without warning. It's so knackering, being pregnant. Why didn't I remember that?!

Any survival tips greatly appreciated... Me too stories would be good too. Just feel so inept while everyone else around me seems to be coping with their kids beautifully.

TripleRock Wed 28-Aug-13 14:53:57

Me to, me too, mee tooo!

I'm 37.3 and DD is 2.10.

Since I started mat leave and she cut right down at nursery I've been finding things a bit of a struggle. I also have SPD, not severe thankfully, but I just can't get down on the floor or chase her around like we would both like.

Today is her one day a week at nursery so I'm making the most if doing things at my own pace and resting.

GeppaGip Wed 28-Aug-13 15:03:10

Ah, me too!

We are actually mostly through a tantrum phase (they seem to last a week or so) so he is sweet again. My major moan is that my now 22 month old needs to go out and burn lots of energy every single day and my 25 week bump, lack of energy and freak hot weather have combined to make this completely torturous.

I can't let him free in the park because he runs off and I have to chase after him and drag the pram so we can't even go to the only place all my friends say was a life saver for them with their obedient toddlers. Worse still, he is prone to very public melt downs if you try and steer him in a different direction to the one you need to go in. The park is currently my real nemesis. Or any open space.

I can street walk him on his reins which he loves, but that means a two hour walk in this heat for me too to tire him out. The only person that comes back knackered and needing a nap if we don't stretch it out long enough is me.

I totally feel your pain. It is a miserable experience.

It's very tough.
Ds is 3 and 4 months and dd is 20 months!
I just spend all my time trying to tire them out. Dh works away during the weeks too at the moment so i'm finding bedtime tricky on my own.

Razzdazz Wed 28-Aug-13 15:11:30

I also want to cry!! Have a VERY active 17 month old and am 34 weeks with a bump measuring 44 due to polyhydramious . Bloody awful, I physically can not run after him and have become a hermit in my home which of course makes him even more hard work. Feel like my other two dc have had a poor summer holiday sad

Yonionekanobe Wed 28-Aug-13 15:37:59

Badly is the short answer. I am still suffering with sickness and am absolutely exhausted. I work full time at least so she has nursery/grandparents to wear her out for me!!

Norfolknway Wed 28-Aug-13 15:50:28

I'm 31 weeks with DD who is 2.2 - I have no advice!
Just try and make life easier for yourself for a bit, I suppose. Movie afternoons, pasta/pesto dinners, online shopping, that sort of thing!

I'm hoping toddler +newborn is easier than toddler+mahoosive pregnant me grin

Ezza1 Wed 28-Aug-13 17:33:42

I coped first time round tremendously well - older DCs are now 15 and 12.

However....

Im currently 37 weeks with 4th and I'm finding my 3 year old incredibly hard work. I'm obviously that much older this time (shock ) but my God I'm sure it wasn't this difficult back then! (selective memory perhaps. ..hmm )

Suffering badly from SPD which is horrid and feeling frustrated that I can't do anything much with 3 year old.

In short, I'm bloody miserable sad grin and cannot wait for this little one to arrive!

MsFiremanSam Wed 28-Aug-13 17:46:53

If it helps, having a newborn and a toddler is a MILLION times easier than being pregnant. My DD is 2 weeks, DS nearly 3, and I found pregnancy utterly exhausting. I was a miserable cow for the vast majority of it, and a wreck for the last month. Now, I feel so much better, more energetic and able to chase after my toddler - hang on in there, get all the help you can, and see the light at the end if the tunnel!

racmun Wed 28-Aug-13 17:57:24

Ds has just turned three and I'm 28 weeks. I feellike a bad mother today - been to the shops (he walked round) had lunch, tried to play in the garden which resulted in a mega strop from him, read him some stories but eventually I gave up and he is now watching tv.

I agree ds needs to burn off loads and loads of energy ideally in a park but I just can't face taking him as it is sooooo bloody hot and I end up feeling totally wrecked!

Roll on return to Pre school next week and some cooler weather!

TripleRock Wed 28-Aug-13 18:20:17

It doesn't help that all of our usual haunts and activities are closed for the Summer, so the week feels very long now I'm on mat leave.

I had envisaged taking her to soft play, but I just couldn't manage to fit through the apparatus blush

Plus it's Summer holidays so everywhere is so packed and busy. Moan, moan, moan!

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 28-Aug-13 18:37:01

Lovely lentils- come and join us on the "expecting dc3" thread!

feekerry Wed 28-Aug-13 18:42:26

oh me too.
i cannot wait till this baby is here. nothing can be worse than being pg with a toddler!
dd is 17 m and a full on tantruming screeching drama queen.
im 16 weeks pg. this is hard

NumberTwoDue Wed 28-Aug-13 18:55:45

I'm sorry that you're all having a hard time too ... On the other hand, very pleased it isn't just me! Misery loves company and all that. Massive thank you to MsFiremanSam - you've just given me hope... Off for another irrational weep....

cravingcake Wed 28-Aug-13 19:36:35

Another one here, 18 weeks pg & DS is 22 months with more energy than ever. My only way of surviving is group trips to the park (my other mum & dad friends are really good at helping me chase DS whenever necessary), swimming as it wears him out, cbeebies/kids films and sending him to the grandparents for a few hours. I have days when i feel like a very bad mum as we're struggling with tantrums and fussy eating at the moment, i just dont have the energy to be as consistent as i'd like.

princesscupcakemummyb Wed 28-Aug-13 19:40:36

im 30+4 and the toddler is 2 in november shes the youngest shes actually very easy going so i am lucky how ever shes still breastfed and is going through a very clingy stage so exhausted beyond means is not the word the oldest is dc1 whos 4 i think we all know where each other is coming from ladies lol flowers smile

FredKiller Wed 28-Aug-13 19:43:39

Signing in. Felt like sobbing most of today. 35 weeks (although measuring 37) and DS is 2.2. He's been ok, but it's just so hard to motivate myself, especially in this heat.

Oh thank you Blackholes smile

Breadrollsbuns Wed 28-Aug-13 19:48:57

Me too - 39 weeks with an 18 month old, I'm knackered and feeling like the most inadequate mother ever... it also looks like DS has either chickenpox or hand foot and mouth, which has tipped me over the edge sad

soozlewoozle Wed 28-Aug-13 20:04:00

Me too 10 weeks with 2.9 dd. I feel sick all the time and just want to sleep all the time. Back to work next week and I am dreading it :-(

HarryandJess Wed 28-Aug-13 20:14:56

Me too.
This thread is so reassuring. I'm 38 weeks with a 14 month old and have had morning sickness since I was around 8 weeks pregnant. I have been feeling like the worst Mother in the world and have been heavily reliant on CBeebies and Peppa Pig for the past few months. The heatwave we had was particularly bad. My DS has also had chickenpox, tonsilitis and numerous colds during this time (can really empathise Breadrollsbuns ).
MsFiremanSam thankyou for your words of encouragement. I keep thinking that it can't get any worse and that we are nearly there now.

TripleRock Wed 28-Aug-13 20:23:13

Yes, we may have watched the Gruffallo's Child DVD twice today blush

Munchkinsmama Wed 28-Aug-13 20:27:13

Ha, so glad to read i'm not the only one struggling. Had a tough day today (for no real apparent reason) but i've struggled to keep my cool during ds's meltdowns because he wants daddy to wipe his face, or mummy to hold the book while daddy reads it.....!!! Seriously!!

Ds is 20 months and i'm 33 weeks. Bump is huge and at a growth scan last week i got the fantastic news that I'm having another hefty baby (ds was almost 9lb!!)

Oh, and i'm also feeling massively guilty because i'm not fully enjoying my last weeks with ds before its all disrupted by soaking up all the quality time, combine with pangs of guilt knowing i'm going to have even less time once the baby comes. Bloody hormones!!

Sometimes i wish i could just freeze time!!!

extracrunchy Wed 28-Aug-13 20:27:48

Ooh ooh and me and me!!

And it's coincided with shouty, whiny, horrible toddler phase and less sleeping and possibly dropping nap and ARGH...
I feel permanently guilty for being knackered and no fun for DS, and I'm unforgivably grumpy with poor DH.

No idea I'm going to get through the final weeks. On the plus side, the whole thing does feel like it's going much faster this time!

Breadrollsbuns Wed 28-Aug-13 20:38:44

Thanks HarryandJess smile
Hearing about other people's difficulties is strangely comforting - thanks ladies grin

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 28-Aug-13 20:39:32

Definitely identify with all of the above, and can indeed confirm that pregnancy is so much harder than toddler and newborn. I'm 23 weeks now with 3 yo and almost 2 yo; it's hard, especially as I've started to get horrible pelvis pain and I know it's going to get a lot worse!!

Obviously worth it though or I wouldn't be going through it again! I'm bloody insane aren't I?!

Lovelylentils- there are loads of us with small age gaps expecting third babies! grin

lucybrad Wed 28-Aug-13 20:51:02

and meeeee! 38 +5 with 2.5 DD and 9 yr old DTS. I would be ok except for this bloody SPD and the heat! Im swollen up like a balloon sad

PenelopeLane Thu 29-Aug-13 09:22:06

Me too! I am 35 weeks and have an almost 2 year old. It's comforting to hear that it's easier to have a newborn and a toddler, although am interested in why that is? please tell me it's because you're less tired

TheContrastOfWhiteOnWhite Thu 29-Aug-13 10:46:02

Penelope - Yes, you are miles less tired. You have broken sleep, but when you are sleeping it is proper deep restful sleep, not the uncomfortable, light, fidgeting sleep of late pregnancy. And every little thing you do - like bending down to talk to the toddler - doesn't require so much energy that you would quite like a lie down afterwards.

Monkeyandanimal Thu 29-Aug-13 12:20:58

Yep, that's me too! 28 weeks pg with a 3.5 year old DS and a 22month old DS who fight the whole time. Can't leave them along together as the little one will either climb something and fall off or get beat up/have soil rubbed in his hair/be used as a cushion! I also have feelings of guilt for not doing more fun things with them (while we are still only a 2 child family) but more often than not they end up sitting in front of telly (while i collapse with MN). DS2 is a very early riser and DH doesn't get in till about 6.30 so it feels like a long day. But i think of the fun they will have together when there are 3 little terrors running riot in a few years time! Horrible feelings of resentment to DH as i feel he has the better deal going to work and has no right to complain about being tired when he gets in! turning into a bitch!
Good thread, nice to hear we are all in the same boat!

EnidClowes Thu 29-Aug-13 14:16:26

This thread has made me feel a lot better! I'm 13 wks and DD is 2 1/2. The last 3 months have been hard work. I've been really sick and haven't been able to take her out in the glorious sunshine we've had. Every smell in the heat has been magnified beyond belief. Peppa and beebies have been my saviour but the guilt is overwhelming.
If this pregnancy is like my last then I'll have a bit more energy in a few weeks time. Poor DD! Feel so bad for the lack of fun per the last few months. I know se won't remember but still...
Really not sure how SAHM's do it. I am in awe.

Glad to hear that newborn and toddler is easier though. You've given me hope.

mycatlikestwiglets Thu 29-Aug-13 14:51:08

I'm 31 weeks and coping quite well with 2.8yo DS - mainly because I work full time! I think I would be very fed up if I was at home and having to entertain him all day - even though he's very lovely he has boundless energy which I struggle to keep up with even when not pregnant! He's going to be staying at nursery 3 days pw even when I go on maternity leave so that I get to relax a bit before DC2 arrives.

Featherbag Thu 29-Aug-13 15:04:46

Oh, hi everyone, I thought it was just me and I'm a shit mother, I've just started a thread about DS's tantrums in behaviour/development!! I'm 26 weeks and DS is 2 in 5 weeks. So pleased to know it isn't just me!

crazyhead Thu 29-Aug-13 16:02:11

Same here, DS 21 months, me 30 weeks, big house renovation on as well. I work which helps a lot but I am getting horribly tired. I just can't do all I need to do to get ready for this baby - it so frustrating.

utopian99 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:31:24

Hmm. Reading and thinking argh. We are planning to start TTC dc2 in a couple of months (ds is 8 months ) so could be in the same boat. Are we crazy? Really want them to be close in age if possible..

PenelopeLane Thu 29-Aug-13 23:57:58

TheContrast thanks! I find that so comforting. You're right about that light sleep, it's so frustrating. DH took DS out this morning and got up with him last night so I managed about 10 hours sleep (more than I've had in weeks) and STILL don't feel refreshed due to weird dreams and needing to pee etc. I can't wait until proper deep sleep comes back. On my back. Bliss.

cravingcake Fri 30-Aug-13 10:21:56

Argh, my DS has woken up with about 50 times more energy than normal today so i've taken him to soft play, its noisy & full of kids but at least DS is runnin around like a lunatic without much effort required from me.

I still have to brave the supermarket shopping later as well.

How's everyone else's Friday?

fluffandnonsense Fri 30-Aug-13 13:52:23

I have a 2 year old and a 4.5 year old both at home (until 4yr old starts school next week), I'm bloody exhausted and miserable. The little one is doing nothing but smacking, pinching and biting the 4yr old who gets very very upset by it all. I'm constantly trying to separate her from her older brother hmm Today I contacted about 6 of my friends/family to see if I could pop round to see them and break up the day but no, everyone is busy/doesn't care. 2yr old is refusing to nap so say scratching her brother who is currently screaming his head off. Feel fucking miserable!

TheContrastofWhiteonWhite Fri 30-Aug-13 14:00:40

Penelope - Oh yes, and sleeping in a comfortable position! I remember vividly thinking when DD2 was about two weeks old (when the post-birth soreness was easing and the engorgement had subsided and I had slept on my tummy for the first time) "Oh my goodness, I haven't felt this good in months". And I think I'd been up about three times in the night with DD2. It is really easy to underestimate the massive strain your body is under in pregnancy, take that strain away and a few night wakings seem a walk in the park!

HamwidgeAlive Fri 30-Aug-13 14:44:33

Checking in! I'm 14 weeks and still sick as a dog, have DS who is 2.6. Can barely get my head out of the toilet most days!

AnotherStitchInTime Fri 30-Aug-13 15:09:20

I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old. I am 18 weeks pregnant and I am still breastfeeding dd2. I am like a zombie some days, I just don't sleep well on my side. My bladder must be pea sized, seriously how can I go wee and then need to go again 5 minutes later?!

Dd2 is a climber and very adventurous, but at least still naps. Dd1 talks incessantly and no naps, at least she starts school in two weeks.

Having done this once before I would say pick your battles carefully. If they pick at snacks all day instead of meals they will still get what they need.

Get out everyday if you can, find a playgroup or children's centre with helpful staff who can run after your toddler. Use reins, go for walks, even puddle jumping on rainy days is a good way of burning off their energy.

Use CBeebies and dvds and don't feel guilty.

Have a special box of toys that they only get to play with when you need a rest. Also useful for when the baby arrives and is feeding.

If they tantrum at home provided they can't injure themselves, ignore, leave them on the floor, save your back.

If lifting onto the swings is difficult try sideways off your hip rather than bending forward or get friendly with other mums who might help you.

Teach them to climb into and out of the buggy and the bath (using a step stool), I had an EMCS with dd2 so couldn't lift dd1 afterwards at all.

Get rid of the cot side and get a bed guard so you don't have to lift them out, dd2 has been in a toddler bed since she was 16 months old, she soon got over the escaping escapades.

Borrow a friends older child or older cousin who likes little kids to play with them as often as you can to give you a break.

Pilates and gentle pregnancy yoga exercises are good for the back, hip and pelvic pain or a physio referral (although by the time you see one baby might have arrived if you are quite far along).

I found a mattress pad really helped with the hip pain at night, memory foam is brilliant stuff.

Soon we will be moaning about sore nipples, cluster feeding and the joys of toilet training while trying to feed a screaming newborn wink

donttellalfred Fri 30-Aug-13 16:55:09

Also checking in! It's a real relief to find this thread. This morning DS who is nearly 3 ran away from me and I just couldn't catch up (36 weeks pg), I did this sort of speed-waddle after him shouting at him and I think he thought it was a game. A couple of weeks ago I got myself wedged trying to follow him at soft play. It would be funny if I wasn't too grumpy to laugh at myself...

Solidarity to all fellow sufferers! V glad to hear it gets better after the birth.

mamapants Fri 30-Aug-13 17:39:02

Oh dear I have this all to come. Currently about 7 weeks pregnant and have a 13mth old who has no sense of danger or impulse control.
So far the pregnancy is easier but am dreading to think about later on when the exhaustion kicks in and I could barely manage a waddle last time. This time I'll be running round after a 20month old!

TripleRock Fri 30-Aug-13 17:44:34

Can't wait for my local childrens centre to reopen next week so we can get out and about to some groups each day.

This week has gone by really slowly as I haven't been able to face the park or soft play when everywhere is so busy during school hols.

Next week we can hopefully fall into some sort of daily routine! Just in time for baby to come and throw it all up in the air again!

maggiethemagpie Fri 30-Aug-13 17:58:40

Hand in the air here! I'm really struggling at the mo. 35 weeks with a two and a half year old who is having LOTS of tantrums, everything leads to a tantrum at the mo. Just got back from Tescos where he was driving me crazy, paddies on the floor, trying to put things we didn't need in the basket, and then pulled a load of yogurts off a shelf luckily an assistant saw and came over to help.

I'm sooo tired, even with a mid afternoon nap (timed to match his) I am still absolutely exhausted. My husband has just started a new job after both of us being off for a while as he was out of work. So whilst it's good he found something it's double bad timing as I'm getting very tired, and DS is missing his daddy, and there's only me at home all day. I feel guilty as housework has gone out the window, I can just about bring myself to load the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen every day. There's a big pile of laundry waiting to be put away - it can wait.

I can't see how it will be easier with a newborn, particularly if DS gets jealous, but glad to hear that some people have that opinion it gives me hope!

enormouse Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:40

Thank you for posting this thread. I'm 19wks and have a 22 month old DS. Feeling exhausted has coincided with non walking ds finally finding his feet and wanting to RUN all the time and wanting to go out and emptying my cupboards and climbing on the furniture and all over me.

I just feel like yelling 'just 5 minutes.....please leave mummy alone for 5 minutes! I just want a cup of tea!!'

Totesamazeballs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:41

Hi,
Sorry to hear everyone finding things tough. I am too but mainly because I have awful morning sickness. I am on anti emetics but basically can't look after my toddler so my parents are doing the lion's share of work.

8 weeks and hopeful things might improve after the first trimester.

Locketjuice Fri 30-Aug-13 18:13:26

I have an 18 month old and a two week old... I felt so shit when I was pregnant I couldn't run around with him and just generally a shit mum but I got through it and he loves his little sister smile not long ladies smilesmile

MummyPig24 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:37:53

It's hard! When I fell pregnant with dc2, dc1 was 19months. It was fine but I had mild spd so lifting him was hard. He was a pretty easygoing toddler. Until he stopped sleeping when I was 30 weeks, and didn't sleep properly again for almost a year. I was sooo tired!

Now I am 11 weeks with dc3, my others are 5 and 3 and it has been hard over the summer holidays. I've felt very sick too, almost constant nausea, much worse than previous pregnancies. I've been very tired and ratty too. The children are just so full on, absolutely full of energy and mischief. I'm coping, but I'm tired now. I need a break!

PenelopeLane Fri 30-Aug-13 19:56:39

I am trying to find some good toddler groups to take ds to once dd is born as his previous activities - gym - would probably be too hard afterward as ds still needs my help for the beam etc. Music maybe?

locket that's good news. Is ds jealous at all?

maggiethemagpie you must be due at a similar time to me, due 3/10 here

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 30-Aug-13 20:00:00

Me.
DS2 is 2y10m
He starts preschool next week. I cannot wait but the school run without a buggy may prove hard work - he is a bolter.
For those of you expecting DC2 - I do remember a RL friend who is also a MNer somewhere telling me that being preg with a toddler is much harder than a toddler and a newborn. I didn't believe her but it was true.
HTH

EST0106 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:19:59

Thank god it's not just me! I'm 10 weeks and have dd 2.3, also work full time. I have been feeling so sick and exhausted, in fact I'm off to bed. It's not helped that DH has been away with work for 10 days but he's back tomorrow grin I don't have any family that can help, my mum died just before I had dd, think if she was here I'd be getting lots of brew and cake, always feel a bit jealous of friends whose mums move in to help out, unfair of me I know!

PicklePants Fri 30-Aug-13 20:33:26

EST0106 - not unfair at all, that must be really difficult. Sorry that you lost your mum sad

I'm 21 weeks with 2yo DS. I feel like a whale already and am suffering a bit with SPD so am also feeling the Shit Mum Guilt! CBeebies is on a lot in our house.. DS is actually pretty good, bless him, he just has seemingly boundless energy. I do not.

Totesamazeballs Fri 30-Aug-13 21:18:41

The shit mum guilt is awful. I keep palming DS off every day because I just feel so sick and I feel like our relationship will suffer.

TripleRock Sat 31-Aug-13 07:57:19

I snapped at DD yesterday and shut myself in the kitchen in tears. All because she committed the terrible, terrible crime of pulling my hair hmm

Sigh, 38 weeks tomorrow so not too many more weeks hopefully!

MsFiremanSam Sat 31-Aug-13 08:01:38

Don't feel guilty about taking all the help you can get, whether its from GP's or CBeebies! For the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy my parents took DS every day - they tool him out, spoilt him rotten and generally did all the fun stuff with him that I was too huge and miserable to do. He loved it and they built up a great bond.
It's only for a short time, and you're giving your DC a sibling and friend for life. Do whatever you need to do to get through it - pregnancy is hard!
Newborn + toddler is 100% easier. Just feeling normal again, being able to move around, go for walks, chase DS around the garden etc and not wanting to cry every time I need to go upstairs... Hang on in there ladies!

PicklePants Sat 31-Aug-13 08:27:34

Thanks MsFiremanSam, what a lovely post smile

not welling up at all, nooo, not me

suntodayplease Sat 31-Aug-13 10:03:45

In a word: badly! But relieved to read that others are just as grumpy and tired as me. 34 weeks with a 2.6 toddler. I find the days when I'm at work much easier! Feeling guilty that we don't do much except going to the park and playing in the garden, and my parents and DH get all the fun activities. I had bad SPD last time so I'm over cautious about ending up in the same state which is limiting running around too much. When does the guilt end?! Plus DD is def starting to act up in anticipation of the baby arriving, only towards me, of course with others and at nursery she's good as gold!

Locketjuice Sun 01-Sep-13 09:19:06

Penelope-if I was holding dd for too long he was getting a bit funny but that was only for around two days.. And after throwing a car at her head! Now he's an angel with her, holds her bottle gives her (too many!) big kisses etc its lovely to see! Although he's always been a mummy's boy and now he's all for his daddy! confused

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