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Lack of help from Government

(59 Posts)
Applepiesky Tue 27-Aug-13 14:38:06

Need to have a bit of a rant!
I work full time, my partner works part time (he would love to have full time hours but none available at the moment) and we have a mortgage, and consider ourselves very lucky to have one as I know many people don't.
I'm really really worried about how we are going to be able to pay our mortgage/bills/afford to live once baby comes in December.
I believe I only get 6wks full pay from work and then straight on to SMP. this literally will not even come close to touching our mortgage/bills payments, even taking DPs wages into consideration, let alone be enough to feed and clothe a newborn baby!
So why is it that people on benefits are entitled to a one off grant of £500 towards child costs and also non-home owners get help with rent? It really really annoys me that us hard working citizens are the forgotten ones and I am starting to shit myself at the thought of not being able to pay my mortgage :-(

Backinthebox Tue 27-Aug-13 14:44:12

Really sorry you are concerned about your financial situation, but did you not give this some thought before you decided to start a family? Babies are expensive, and don't get any cheaper as they get older. They are a luxury, not a right - why should the government give you any help?

Bowlersarm Tue 27-Aug-13 14:47:40

Could you possibly go back to work earlier and not take so much maternity leave?

insancerre Tue 27-Aug-13 14:49:56

when DS was born 24 years ago, I wasn't even working and couldn't claim anything.
So DH got a second job, in the evenings, working in a pig factory, in the evenings. He already had a full time job in the armed forces.
Money was very tight.
Could your partner not get a second job?

lotsofcheese Tue 27-Aug-13 14:50:59

Is it an option to take a "mortgage holiday"? Ie no payments for a period of time.

Also, have you thought about childcare costs after maternity leave? I'm afraid to say finances don't get any better....

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 14:51:57

It's hard - and one of the reasons why DS will ne an only child. Beware op - you'll probably get slated for 'benefit bashing' but i can see where you're coming from. Fwiw i don't think the £500 grant is around anymore.

Save now where you can and try not to get hung up on babies needing stuff - they need very little. Friends will probably offer you their kids stuff - take all offers if it meals you can stay off longer with dc.

Contracts :-)

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 14:53:01

Congrats **

Put simply if you didn't actually have enough money to live on then the government would pay the interest part of your mortgage.

If they don't pay it then you earn enough.

Feel free to complain about low wages though as its a terrible problem.

Make sure you claim child benefit, child tax credit etc.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 14:57:19

I was a 'hard-working citizen' for the best part of 20 years. I then got very ill thus losing employment and am now on benefits. I received the 500 grant and get only a portion of my rent paid. My circumstances do not allow me to be able to get a mortgage and am forced to rent privately at exhorbitant prices. I have just turned 40 and my partner and I are expecting our first child in a one-bed flat. Your husband is very fortunate to have even a pt job as I know many people who aren't even able yo secure pt employment.

You are in a pretty fortunate position compared to a LOT of us and the tone of your post offends me greatly.

sarahleanne Tue 27-Aug-13 15:02:19

'non home owners get help with rent'? really? do you mean in ways of tax credits? as I have never heard of getting help with rent unless you mean housing benefit?

The government is doing everything backwards and giving hand outs to the wrong people (although that is starting to kind of change) and I know its very stressful. I have our 3rd baby due and I am very lucky my husband has a decent job, although we pay our own price for that as he works away the majority of the time! but my sister who is due in October is in a similar situation as you, she works full time and her partner got made redundant a few months ago and has managed to only pick up part time work. Theyre not entitled to any help and also have a mortgage to pay which she is worrying about massively as she is the main earner.
What she did is from the day she found out she was expecting , she put some money into savings so it meant she could extend her maternity leave to 9 months. She would love to take a year but she cannot afford to.
Try to be practical about what you buy , i.e - don't buy all the gimmicky stuff that you really don't need, just buy the basics for your baby.Is there anyone you know that can give you second hand stuff?
I also agree with what someone else mentioned although I don't know if it possible, but if you are allowed a break in payments with your mortgage then id go for it.
If not, then saving some money back for the next 4 months is your best bet.
I do know how you feel, my sister has been so upset she cant take a year off with her first newborn and almost resents the fact that I am able to do that but in my eyes its her partner that needs to take the strain here and get more hours somehow. Everyones situation is different I guess.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 15:03:54

Gilly - your situation sounds truly crap and it's not fair at all but i think the op should be allowed a moan. I work and moan sometimes about people i assume are better off - maybe you did too a little when you were working?

StaceyP85 Tue 27-Aug-13 15:05:06

I think what she is trying to say in response to BackIntheBox's comment is that it seems like she is penalised for working and having a home which she pays for, when other people can continue to have children and be given loads of financial help.

Why should working people not be able to start a family?

I feel your pain Applepiesky. Both my partner and I work full time and have a mortgage. Things will be tight while I am off work and we have had to save extremely hard to be able to supplement my income when I am not working.

It is very frustrating. I have a family member who has 2 children, claims benefits, gets a free house and is taking her kids to Australia next year which I couldn't afford now even before having children! It does sometimes feel like I have the raw end of the deal and would have been better off not working and claiming benefits!

I am sorry to hear that you have concerns - Could you start putting a little away each month before the baby is born?
Also buy as much as can second hand - there are loads of baby groups etc on facebook, and the NCT does nearly new sales.

I hope that helps

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 15:06:54

Didn't mean that to sound cheeky - know things can me read in different way. I just mean that we can all be guilty of assuming people are getting more than us / having an easier ride when we don't know circumstances BUT there are some people who milk the system and we should be allowed a moan about them - just difficult to differentiate sometimes

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:16:03

Of COURSE!!! She is allowed a moan!!!! Us pregnant ladies need to support each other... BUT she should be venting her moan towards the GOVERNMENT as the title of her post suggested NOT bashing us mums to be who happen to be on benefits, who are vulnerable and whom she knows NOTHING about!!!! I am envious that Iam not able to work and not able to claim paternity for my partner or I and I hate that we cannot secure our own mortgage but I don't take my resentment out on those who are more fortunate!! It's hard for EVERYONE!!! And being on benefits is incredibly hard.. I have received so much clothing second hand for my baby and am extremely grateful... but without the 500 grant I would not have been able to purchase a pram, a cot and other essential bits. I never conceived before 39 due to illness but also YES the financial situation. The poster might just find they have to sell their home.... try renting in the private sector then she'll find out how hard being on benefits is. At least she has her job to go back to... eventually.

Poor people get a grant to buy essentials because they are poor (you are not, with two full time working adults)
People paying rent get help to pay their rent because they have no assets. You have a mortgage towards which you are paying equity. That's an asset. Why would the government pay towards your asset?

JoJoManon Tue 27-Aug-13 15:22:52

The irony is that if you and your partner were on welfare you'd get a load of helo (Not sure if you saw How to Get a Council House on C4 recently but some 17 year old and her unemployed boyfriend got themselves a nice little flat (and it was a nice one, not a high rise sink estate) for nothing. But I digress..
I feel your pain, my DH also got made redundant and has been unable to get a new job and I won't even get child benefit once the baby is born.
It is what it is unfortunately, those of us that work hard pay for those that don't/won't and unfortunately they can get away with it.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:23:18

Yes thanks for the backup Ehric. OP, why the hell do you think some of us are 'non-homeowners' eh??? Through CHOICE???????????

Viviennemary Tue 27-Aug-13 15:25:50

I can see where you are coming from. I'm glad the welfare system is being reformed. People with mortgages are penalised when it comes to benefit entitlement.

The irony is that if you and your partner were on welfare you'd get a load of helo
Yes but you'd be on benefits
I worked out what I'd get if I was on benefits. I'd get £1200 a month. My rent is £800! How cushy do you think a like of benefits is? I assure you the OP has a much nicer lifestyle than most people on benefits.

And jojo why won't you get child benefit if your DH isn't working? Do you earn over £50k? I can't possibly imagine why you would be envious of people on benefits if so.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:26:58

And as a benefit claimant I would just like to add that I paid taxes for TWENTY years!!!! Am I not, then, entitled to the help now that I need it and for my baby too????

And there's no council house offers landing on my doorstep.... not even for a high-rise block filled with junkies et al.......

Why don't people get the different between mortgages and rent?
When you pay a mortgage you are putting equity into your pot. Renters have nothing to show for it. Why the fuck should the government pay towards your equity?

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:28:48

Lastly.... I have worked in well paid employment and been a hard working homeowner THREE times over so I have experienced both sides of the coin.... and I sure know which situation is harder.

awakemysoull Tue 27-Aug-13 15:29:11

I rent privately and get housing benefit towards my rent. I would love to be in a situation where I could get a mortgage. I went to buy a house when I was 20 and halfway through the process I lost my job (hotel manager, I worked my backside off for 4 years to get to management level of a big hotel) and it fell through. I was pregnant at the time, partner walked away and I was left at my mums with a newborn baby and no job. I got my job back 4 months after DD1 was born and worked and worked and worked. I eventually managed to get a house. It is very difficult to find a private landlord who will rent a house to a single parent who receives housing benefit. I then met current dp and moved to a nicer house because we had 2 incomes and didn't have to apply for housing benefit.

Dp lost his job a few months ago just before dd2 was born. We have had an absolute shit few months struggling on maternity pay and job seekers allowances whilst the council spent 3 months sorting out a housing benefit claim. The rent was paid but we relied on family for food and stuff for the baby.
OP I understand where you are coming from but believe me it's not a lovely life on benefits it's just as hard and I am skint all the time. I've had to neglect bills so I can feed and clothe my children.

People who say don't start a family until you can afford to - that's a very narrow minded statement to make. People lose jobs, relationships break down, circumstances change. Not all of us are lucky enough to have husbands or partners with amazing jobs that pay really well. Not all of us were given the opportunity to go to university or have a good job. Some of us struggle by on minimum wage and fall on hard times. It's the way things are at the moment.

OP speak to your mortgage provider and see if you can have a 'mortgage holiday' or reduce your payments. They want to help you the last thing they want is you to fall into arrears and lose your home.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and everything will work out fine. Apply for tax credits and child benefit as soon as you can smile

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 15:31:04

You can still be poor when 2 adults work. I bought a cheap, crap house (mortgaged) because it was cheaper to than rent somewhere. If people are n low paid jobs which are just over the threshold for 'help' then they are often more poor than those on benefits because they have more to shell out for.

In our society we don't just have poor people on benefits and rich people in work - there are shit loads of categories inbetween

jemimastar Tue 27-Aug-13 15:31:55

I totally share OP's pain.
We both work full time and wow yes also have a mortgage. While this is an "asset" how is the government helping funding poorer renting families to make landlords even richer- and increase the shortage of available housing- a better situation than helping struggling families when raising a family towards their mortgage?!

Surely helping those in full time work and with mortgages to remain in such a (stable) position and thus continuing to paying taxes is much better for all parties concerned than not helping such families who have been tax payers when they also then need a little support but could be at risk of falling off the wagon?

I can only afford to take 6 months maternity leave and that’s already a massive push, so totally share your pain.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples Tue 27-Aug-13 15:34:29

People with mortgages may have a pot at the end of it - which the government will dip into AGAIN once its paid off to cover home help / nursing homes when we're old. Mortgages aren't savings pots anymore.

jemimastar Tue 27-Aug-13 15:34:58

Ehricloves why the F should Government pay for you to make landlords even richer??
We happened to save for years and now cut back massively in every other area to afford out mortgage but prefer this than paying into landlords pockets and thus creating the situation we now have with perma renters contributing to the fact there is a serious shrotage of available housing. Get off your high horse.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:37:23

Absolutely Paperclips.... the OP (who isn't saying much) needs to realise this and stop jumping the gun and attacking others with her ill-informed views.

It is hard for EVERYONE (almost) regardless of situation and so she should be directing her anger and frustrations at the government as per the title of her post... and not bashing others who are also struggling.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:42:01

Jemima you are totally clueless and naive. Who wants to line the pockets of landlords???? I sure as hell don't. But I can't get social housing. Don't you know about this fundamental issue of SHORTAGE in the UK??? Unfortunately I have no choice but to line my F landlord's pocket..... WE NEED A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS.

gillybeandramaqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:45:17

Well done OP!!!!! You have succeeded in raising the blood pressures of several pregnant ladies on here and yet you, yourself, appear to have disappeared!!!!

Did you kick up this shit storm just for a hoot...?!?!?!?

:-D :-D :-D

MissHC Tue 27-Aug-13 15:55:45

I agree that the government should really help working parents, as is the case in a lot of countries. I'm very lucky to get 6 months maternity leave at full salary thanks to my employer; if it was the statutory minimum of 6 weeks there's no way I could afford to stay home for more than 2 months (and we probably wouldn't have gone down the baby route just yet).

My biggest gripe is childcare though. It's not funded at all - most EU countries subsidise it. We'll be paying £1,070 a month - which is a very average amount in our area. We rent privately which costs much more than a mortgage on a similar property in this area would be. So that combined with childcare means we won't be able to save for a deposit until the child is at least 5.

I do agree that we are very lucky that we're both fit and healthy and can work.

I don't think the government should help pay people's mortgage though. As others have said, it's an asset. You can always sell your asset and rent. I don't agree with your "people who rent get help" - we rent - it costs a fucking fortune; we have no stability as LL can always decide to chuck us out (as has happened to us before) or doesn't do any repairs (again, happened to us more than once and for the amount I pay a month I don't accept to be living in a mouldy, damp house because the LL is too tight to do anything about it, so you end up having to move anyway). At least if you own the place as long as you pay you can stay. And you know how much you'll be paying year after year. We don't have that stability and I'm dreading next year already in case our LL wants to put the rent up (which we won't be able to afford).

OP, to be fair "only 6 months of maternity leave" is still a lot. The country where I'm from you only get 3 months and if you're unlucky and have to stay home earlier because of pregnancy complications, those weeks get taken off your allowance after the birth. I'll be home for 6 months too and I feel very grateful.

cakebaby Tue 27-Aug-13 15:58:50

did you not give this some thought before you decided to start a family? Babies are expensive, and don't get any cheaper as they get older. They are a luxury, not a right - why should the government give you any help?

Oh the irony! I sympathize with you OP. Regardless of the stick coming this way re benefits bashing, I know plenty of full time workers on good salaries who are cash poor due to high outgoings, mainly a mortgage, unable to get in on the affordable housing act. Yes a mortgage SHOULD result in equity WHEN YOU SELL, but given the housing market since 2007, this is not the case for many home owners.

I also know of plenty people who have a number of DC who have given NO THOUGHT whatsoever to money before they started their family!

We can mud sling all we like here from both sides, but we will all insist our POV is correct!

However, I would certainly like £1200/mth benefits, that's more than I take home working full time, oh and my mortgage is more than your rent!

Save hard OP, it's the only way.

Chocolate makes you fat, so does wine, you don't get anything for nothing or do you? life's a bitch eh?

charliedrinks26 Tue 27-Aug-13 16:01:39

I don't think the op meant to cause offence! And in fairness what she put was not that ppl don't deserve help it was just that she is worried and resentful that there's not a lot out there for herself to get help! Also she did mention that she is grateful partner has pt hours!!! I think ppl are being unfair to the op!! There's no need to have a full on rant at her just because she is worried how she ll cope!
as others have said op make sure you claim child benefit and tax credits, also you could look into working tax credit for your partner depending on how many hours they work smile also the help with the mortgage interest is only applicable If your in reciept of an Income based benefit like income support, job seekers allowance income based or employment and support allowance income related, obviously don't know the full extent of op circs but doubt they would apply with you getting smp and partner Woking pt, you should talk to CAB for advice

Whether your on benefits or not times are tough for everyone, I have no idea how ppl cope on benefits the government need to make some serious changes!!! I feel for everyone who has to rely on the benefit system in this country! Think ppl should cut the op some slack as I said I'm sure she hasn't meant to cause offence smile x

Viviennemary Tue 27-Aug-13 16:03:06

Apparently only people who work are told why didn't they think before they got pregnant. confused

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 27-Aug-13 16:10:44

It is galling though to see others being handed grants and money every month for something that is essentially a lifestyle choice and the OP is allowed to state that. However outcomes for children on benefits are not as good so would you truly want to be on them?

Everyone should look at their finances before deciding to have a child or more children. Maternity pay, childcare costs etc can all be found within a few minutes google so its not like they hide the information. Is there any chance of you putting some money aside to cover some of the SMP weeks?

If you will struggle then your OH will coud take on a second job or try harder to secure full time work. Perhaps it may be a blessing he works part time as you may save on childcare if he is home most of the week.

Ehricloves why the F should Government pay for you to make landlords even richer?? We happened to save for years and now cut back massively in every other area to afford out mortgage but prefer this than paying into landlords pockets and thus creating the situation we now have with perma renters contributing to the fact there is a serious shrotage of available housing. Get off your high horse.
You think I like this situation? I could never have saved enough to get a mortgage, never. I don't like renting and I think the industry sucks, I think btl has been a blight on society but I don't see how my needing somewhere to live is contributing to the shortage of housing? Logic fail I think.
The government shouldn't be paying to make landlords richer but they (collectively) allowed a situation whereby it's easy to get a btl mortgage and whack the rents sky high so don't blame renters for the situation. We are mostly as pissed off as anyone else and poorer to boot.
Getting a mortgage might be cheaper than renting but you still need £20k plus to get one. Not possible for most of us.

jemimastar Tue 27-Aug-13 16:31:30

Gilly- your opinion may differ from mine but please don't get so personal with comments calling me "clueless and naive" both of which I am not ...I don't appreciate your verbal attacks. Calm down. smile

x0gawjus0x Tue 27-Aug-13 16:53:48

My partner and I are renting a 2 bed bungalow for 700 a month plus all bills tax gas food water about 1,100 a month in total. My oh earns 1700 a month after tax and i earn 1000. That leaves us with 1,500 a month to spend/save whatever. We are lucky in the sense that we should still have 800 a month left over when im on maternity allowing me to have a year off. I am 20 he is 25 so we are quite lucky compared to some people and im very greatful i dont think well be entitled to help either, if it was different i know my oh would spend 20 hours a day working to support us so im very greatful. I dont believe everyone that is recieving help should however i know there are sone genuinely in great need and i hope they do get the help they are in desperate need. I am sure you will manage however if i wasnt so lucky with pur income i would not have a child untill id saved enough to be ok

princesscupcakemummyb Tue 27-Aug-13 17:02:02

hi op sorry about your situation lots of people are the same though im on a low income myself and expecting how ever i knew this before ttc and ive bought from a early stage of pregnancy can you maybe borrow some baby things off friends? also look on ebay and nearly new sales good prices for great baby items fraction of the cost of the shops take care

Applepiesky Tue 27-Aug-13 18:00:08

Wow wow wow!!
The reason I'm "not saying much" gilly is cos I have just come back online so hadn't seen the responses !

I am not interested in an argument with ANYONE but how dare you accuse me of attacking you? Or anyone for that matter? You're right, I don't know your circumstances but you certainly don't know mine either. I chose to share as little of my personal situation as possible but the fact is my life is a hell of a lot tougher than you might think so there's no need to judge.

For those of you who have congratulated me on my pregnancy - THANK YOU - it really is a gift! Congratulationa to you all, too. And I can understand that people say having children is a luxury, I agree, but this was an unplanned pregnancy!! So think that's a bit unfair to say that we should have thought about our finances before starting a family.

For the record we are saving every single penny we can, my DP has got a second job and I am returning to work 3 months after due date so the luxury I will be missing out on is my child :-/

I am really sorry if I offended anyone, that certainly wasnt my intention - thank you to those who have offered a bit of advice and support but like I said, I never came here for an argument - just a bit of a rant which we are ALL guilty of from time to time - I mean, come on, we are hormonal !! ;-)

sarahleanne Tue 27-Aug-13 18:46:37

nicely said OP.

can I rant to? just to prove a point that everyones situation is different, my DH and I are perfectly capable of affording a mortgage but we were refused one due to my DH's credit history from years ago. So, to sum up, theres the ones that cant afford a mortgage and are on housing benefit, the ones that have a mortgage but then have the fear there house will be re possessed if they don't keep up payments, and the ones who can afford a mortgage cant bloody get one and are paying out £725 a month rent, yippee!!
I'd say all of these situations are equally frustrating in different ways.

Frizz1986 Tue 27-Aug-13 18:55:51

I just think that there should be a simpler way to find out what we are entitled to, whatever situation we are in.
Benefits and tax credits etc are there to try and get everyone earning less to at least be able to manage, almost to level out the playing field so to speak. I do think some people take advantage, but the government need to sort that out to ensure that the money goes to people who deserve it.

I am currently 20 weeks with my first and my dh lost his job almost as soon as we found out (this was very much a planned pg but dh losing his job was not) Being a teacher we hoped he would find another job, but after lots of interviews he was unsucessful.
I find it hard to see what we will be entitled to as he is a teacher so will hopefully get supply work, but that means some weeks he might work and others he wont. Things should be made much easier for people to understand to ensure that people get what they are entitled to. We own our own home, but will be relying on savings to keep afloat and my sister is loaning me anything she can for our baby.
It will be tough but i know that there are lots more people in much harder situations.

It is definitely the governments responsibility to make sure that people know whtat they are entitled to and are able to live a reasonable life. No one should struggle paying for food to feed their family etc. Other posters are right that situations change unexpectedly and as long as you are trying to get yourself into a better situation then you should be supported whilst you try.

Chunderella Wed 28-Aug-13 09:39:34

I do hope you're not equating being a homeowner with being hardworking, OP. Your post certainly implies that. As you're upduffed and stressed out though, I'll forget that part and just say that you've got plenty of time before baby is born to stock up and take advantage of deals. There's no point ever paying full price for nappies or wipes, for example. Baby clothes can be picked up for next to nothing, you may even know people who'd give you some for free. Same with stuff like bouncy chairs and toys, maybe even a pram. The only thing you really need new is a carseat.

Jojo, you're obviously not from Manchester. I can assure you that the property in question was not in a desirable area at all. And, as an upstairs cottage flat, is at the less popular end of the scale with regards to available HA and council properties in Manchester, as they won't put young DC in high rises. Basically one of the least naice properties they could've got, probably our equivalent of tower blocks for Londoners. Hope that makes you feel better...

Lastly, I'm not sure what 'perma renters' means but I hope to fuck I didn't just read a post from someone fucking stupid enough to think that private renters, the most screwed over group, are the ones causing the housing shortage...

gillybeandramaqueen Wed 28-Aug-13 22:30:57

^^ thumbs up Chunderella

BellEndTent Wed 28-Aug-13 23:22:45

I fell pregnant accidentally at 23 in a fairly new relationship, fresh out of uni. I'm very aware that things could have gone very differently for me and there was a very real possibility that I would have had to rely on benefits.

Luckily, a few years later I am in the fortunate position of being in a decent job with my own home, a high earning husband and another child.

Aren't most of us supposed to be a divorce or an accident or a redundancy away from disaster? The help is there for you too if you should need it one day - why would you begrudge it to anyone in the situation that they have to claim benefits? It's right that those who can afford to should pay for themselves. If you are going to be in as much difficulty as you think then you will probably be entitled to tax credits which is government help really isn't it?

fluffyraggies Thu 29-Aug-13 07:35:52

So why is it that people on benefits are entitled to a one off grant of £500 towards child costs and also non-home owners get help with rent? It really really annoys me that us hard working citizens are the forgotten ones

Sorry Op but this is what pissed me off in your OP.

Supposing someone came on here and complained about all the lazy sods who get pregnant accidentally and then claim child benefit???? Hmmm?

Equating someones financial position with how hard they work is a shit thing to say.

fluffyraggies Thu 29-Aug-13 07:38:04

I think you should have posted in AIBU.

HMT13 Thu 29-Aug-13 08:23:14

I think it's crazy we get any help at all. I'm self employed, and to be honest, more than happy to be receiving £136 a week maternity allowance for the 4 months I'll be taking off work. No one forced me to have a baby, it was my choice and I've saved like crazy since I found out I was expecting. Neither me or my DH are on high wages but we budget.

There will always be people who milk the system, it's not fair and it's annoying but some people do really need the help. No point in getting yourself worked up about it all. Just get saving what you can now. And at least if your partner is only part time you won't have to rely on full time childcare when you do go back to work smile

Dh was still a student when I fell preg with ds1 and made redundant when dc2 was 6 months!
We never got any help with our rent. Good job we'd saved really. hmm

Xenadog Fri 30-Aug-13 22:55:12

I think the OP's points are that her and her partner are up against it financially. She is angry as the common perception is that those who don't work (and by default often pay rent and not a mortgage) can have children as and when they want as the government will give them all sorts of hand outs that enables them to have children and not worry too much about the cost of them.

I think it's a very simplistic point to make but I know many people who would like to have more than one child but because of child care costs, needing to pay a mortgage and other bills means they cannot afford to.

The media does a great job of presenting those who receive benefits as scroungers and feckless regardless of their individual circumstances. For those who don't receive any financial help from the government this will seem unfair.

I think the OP should be allowed a rant; regardless of whether someone owns a house, is mortgaged or pays rent having a child IS expensive and we don't always choose when to conceive. The OP is doing all the right stuff to be able to afford her child and basically I wish her well.

Here's a thought; maybe the government shouldn't give anyone any help with their children. Get rid of tax credits, childcare, child benefit etc and then only those who really can afford a child will have one? wink

Applepiesky Sat 31-Aug-13 09:19:20

xenadog ....... Thank you!! You've hit the nail on the head! thanks
Like I said before, I never meant to cause such disruption and maybe my post came across not how I wanted it to but xenadog has put it into perspective and I was just having a pregnant rant!
Just feel very alone in terms of financially having to cope when others seem to have it so easy.

MunchkinJess Sat 31-Aug-13 17:48:44

it can be hard and scary for anyone whether working or in benefits to cope financially. my partner is a fireman and has been for 11 years his oay is quite low and future uncertain . I am the high earner out of us both. I am only taking 6 months maternity I wish i could take longer however financially its not possible and as much as it will be hard and upsetting I dont want the financial strain in our family to be much less. we planned for over a year before getting pregnant and I have been cuttinf back and saving hard for a year in order to supplement when im on maternity. I know it will be hard and probably can I only afford one child. we have made sacrifices but I do consider myself very fortunate.

vj32 Sat 31-Aug-13 18:21:36

But... the government gives us Child benefit, tax credits, SMP and legal protection on maternity leave, SPP, free prescriptions and dental care, subsidised child care through tax credits or the childcare vouchers scheme.

SMP is amazing - the government pays you not to work for 9 months, just because you have had a baby.

Yes, life is unfair, there is always a cut off point. With DS he arrived just after the government made all the cuts, so if he had been born 6 months earlier we would have been about £2k better off that year. Its shit. But life is a whole lot more shit if you are on benefits, and was worse than that if you live in one of the many countries (including I believe the US) who do little or nothing to support new parents.

Have you looked at how much you will be entitled to in child tax credits? Probably a good amount if you are reliant on only a part time salary for much of the year.

Excited85 Sat 31-Aug-13 18:21:43

Agree with munchkinjess. I'm only having a few months off with my first despite both me and dh working full time. I am aware this is going to be really hard and don't want to do it, but unfortunately I'm in an industry which doesn't give any additional mat pay so financially more would be difficult plus I'll do much better in my career overall by not taking 9 months/a year off and so am trying to think of this as being better for us all in the long term.

The OP is entitled to feel that it's going to be hard for her, just as many of us feel despite our circumstances. It's easy to feel that the grass is greener, currently I'm quite jealous of people in cushy jobs with great mat packages that can take a year off, and also people who are on benefits, mainly because they will get to spend the precious time with their little one that I'll miss out on. Yes this might be irrational, but surely everybody has moments of thinking the grass is greener elsewhere and placing more emphasis on the negatives in our lives rather than the positives (and I'm aware that there are many in my situation, just difficult to focus on atm). Really don't think the OP meant to cause any offence!

froubylou Sat 31-Aug-13 19:46:34

Op you need to check with the tax credits place to see ifyyou will be entitled to help. On a part time wage and a baby you may be surprised.

With regards to your other comments after 7 years in the private rented sector I can assure you that if we needed to claim hb to cover the rent we would be struggling as much as you.

We can't get on the housing ladder as both me and dp are self employed so are paying double every month what it would cost to buy the property we live in.

I'm also due in December and despite us being on a reasonable amount of income at the moment I will be working until the baby comes and then as long as things go to plan will continue to work from home once the baby is a couple of weeks old.

I don't grumble about anyone fortunate enough to have any maternity leave. My choice to be self employed.

Most of my stuff is hand me downs from friends and family. You can spend as much or as little as you like on baby stuff. And for the first few years they don't actually cost a great deal anyway if you are sensible.

Don't stress. Enjoy your pregnancy and be realistic. You would be surprised when the baby arrives at how little they actually need!

Kelly1814 Sat 31-Aug-13 21:59:21

I live overseas in a country with no welfare state. We are allowed 45 days maternity leave.

If you are lucky enough to negotiate more time off, it is unpaid. Completely unpaid.

We knew this, have saved accordingly, and have to foot all bills ourselves.

Completely different mindset to the UK and I'm watching this with interest.

formerblonde Sat 31-Aug-13 22:53:36

Yikes I thought these forums were for support! Some serious venom spitting. How sad. I think the cost of living now makes it pretty crap for us all! We are So lucky to be pregnant at all. We totally struggled to conceive and yes financially it's not looking great. But I couldn't be happier. If you've never been to infertility forums give that a go. May put things into perspective.

The government support is for the baby, not the mother. Because all the evidence shows that it makes a difference. If you give poor people money, fewer children starve.

I'd rather live in a country that gave money to the feckless and the lazy, than one where children are punished for the lack of success of their parents.

usualsuspect Sat 31-Aug-13 23:28:28

Can't you claim tax credits?

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