Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Is it just me...

(27 Posts)
StillPukin Thu 22-Aug-13 17:50:06

..or does anybody else feel like they get absolutley no support from their midwife or any medical staff at all. Its a good job google and great friends exist!

WannaBeAMommy Thu 22-Aug-13 18:54:45

Same here god bless google for answers on stuff:-(

terilou87 Thu 22-Aug-13 19:18:45

I'll second that, im on dc5 so most would class me as well experienced but I feel very neglected by the lack of contact with midwives. Can't imagine how the new mums are feeling smile I saw on another thread something you can sign up to that gives you access to midwives can't remember the exact details though

Artesia Thu 22-Aug-13 20:26:30

Agree that you don't get masses of attention from medical professionals, but to be honest I am not sure what more I would want them to do that they don't already.

Like most people, I found the first 12 weeks really stressful not knowing if everything was ok, but there isn't a huge amount of reassurance they can give, short of scans on demand throughout, and at those early stages if something is going to go ŵrong, there isn't much they can do to help.

Given the pressure on NHS resources, I would rather they were directed to areas where they can actually help, rather than reassuring worried mothers-to-be (and I absolutely include myself in that- if you look back at my posts you will see I fretted over whether I had broken my baby by having strepsils!).

I suspect in the past the "moral support" element was more easily provided by family and friends, as people tended to live closer to parents, siblings etc. These days we tend to get our answers from Mumsnet etc instead.

That said, i do appreciate that there are circumstances where the current system could be better, eg people not having to wait for/fight to get a scan in the case of suspected miscarriage.

MrsMuskett Thu 22-Aug-13 20:30:26

Oh I defo agree,I saw my midwife once in 20 weeks,it's only now (32) that they seem to want to c me n even then they just rush me through. There's 2at my docs as well,thank god for google n my sis in law x

I was thinking this earlier. Pregnancy is so confusing and dr google only helps in convincing me the worst has happened. It seems odd to me that untill you are 25 weeks you get seen twice by a midwife and two scans. You're kind of left drifting in confusion and worry.

StillPukin Thu 22-Aug-13 21:02:16

I'm not too bothered that I dont get to see the midwife very often, I'm more bugged that whenever I do see anyone (midwife and both scans) the appointments have been very rushed and they wont listen/answer questions.

1st thing that bugged me was a letter I found in my notes to my gp that was full of incorrect information about me (I made a previous post about it) and when I asked midwife about it she was just defensive and basically said they were the choices they'd assumed I'd make. (grr)

But the thing thats bugged me most.... had my 20 wk scan a couple of days ago and apparently I have low lying placenta... "nothing to worry about".... lots of questions later about the implications..."worse case scenario it'll mean a c-section". When I googled it, it seems I have to be very careful - no heavy lifting/strenuous excerise/sex - rang a midwife friend and she agreed with google. They could've blooming told me!! My job is very physical

*narked*

Writerwannabe83 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:04:55

I have previous rang my Community Midwife on 3 separate occasions (over the space of about a week) about bleeding and discharge and each time I phoned I was told there were no midwifes in the office. Instead I was asked to explain my concerns to the Receptionist and she gave me advice in their absence... hmm

StillPukin Thu 22-Aug-13 21:20:00

Writer thats shocking! Since when were receptionists medically trained! I know they are really pushed for time and staff but it really does seem as its at the patients cost sad

DaleyBump Thu 22-Aug-13 21:34:07

I called the community midwifes five times today - no answer. I've never had an answer. I've met my midwife once (25+5) and was asked by her if I know who the father of my baby is. I'm right there with you OP.

roweeena Fri 23-Aug-13 05:29:47

Having had complications in my first pregnancy requiring lots of scans and antenatal appointments I am enjoying the fact that I don't need more input with this second pregnancy. I think midwifes are particularly stretched at the moment and are often therefore having to concentrate more on cases which require more attention IYSWIM

luxemburgerli Fri 23-Aug-13 06:47:55

I'm in Switzerland and it's not much better! When we found out, we went to our GP and he said "what do you expect me to do, you have to book a woman's doctor appointment". So we did, but it turned out the woman's doc won't see you until you're at least 9 weeks. Fair enough, but it was our first and so we had questions about what you can/can't eat, how to actually count the weeks, etc. Much better to start your folic acid before 9 weeks!!

Everyone professional asked made us feel totally bloody stupid for not automatically knowing these things. Thank god for my older sister who is also pregnant...

Holly94 Fri 23-Aug-13 07:16:42

They're rubbish. I had a bleed at 14 weeks and rang my community midwife. She told me to call the hospital I had my scan at and speak to triage. Triage wouldn't help me as I was under 20 weeks, and they told me to call the EPU. The EPU wouldn't help me as you needed a referral from a midwife or doctor so in the end I rang my GP who gave me a phone consultation and told me it was 'probably nothing to worry about, and we can't do anything about things going wrong anyway'.

fluffyraggies Fri 23-Aug-13 07:30:57

I wonder if the 1st is a symptom of the 2nd. ie: There is so much info available to most people via the internet now that the role of MWs as info. providers is being scaled back.

Not saying i agree with this approach at all. I think there is no replacement for a solid block of one to one time between an interested, knowledgeable MW and her patient (client?) on a regular basis.

I am 19 weeks and have rung my midwife 3 times altogether on different occasions. Never had an answer.
1st was for info about an appointment for a scan. Winged it and just went without the info in the end.
Second was for sudden swelling, 'puffing up' and headaches. Winged it again - relied on Dr.Google telling me it was probably the heat.
Third time was a catastrophic bleed and a faint. Dr's receptionist sent us to A&E where i was taken in for the night. Nothing from MW. Despite two calls to her mobile.

Last time i saw her i was 16 weeks, a week after my hemorrhage. I was in with her apx 8/9 minutes. She quickly read my discharge papers from the hospital - said 'ooh that must have been frightening'', dipped my urine, did my BP told me she was running late, as usual, and was sorry she had to rush me. She said I don't see her again till i'm 28 weeks and she cant make an appt. for that as the system wont allow it so that was that. What made me laugh is that as i left she muttered into her desk 'just call anytime if you need a chat''. Yeah - that system's really worked well for me so far, hey? hmm

I really don't feel 'attached' to anyone medically for this pregnancy. In the past (i have 3 older children) i have felt 'my' MW would be there for me. I don't have this feeling now and feel a bit at sea.

Sleepathon Fri 23-Aug-13 07:34:30

Sorry to hear some of you have had a rough time of it.

I'll be perfectly honest, this is my first and so far I have been very impressed with the level of care and support I have received from the midwives and hospital. Hope this will carry throughout the rest of pregnancy and post birth!

Armadale Fri 23-Aug-13 07:41:15

i'm aghast at all these stories of people completely unable to reach their community midwife, I thought I'd just got myself in some team where something had gone terribly wrong and the usual treatment is very different, I didn't realise this was a general problem.

I tried to ring my mw community team in a pg when I was very concerned something was wrong. I rang about 10 times a day for a week and left one message every day. They never ever answered me...4 weeks later I had a scan and the baby had died at 5 months sad and I had been right to be worried.

I complained about the fact that not a single call or message was ever answered, and they lied and said they hadn't received the calls. So I complained and was told their manager would look into it. She did, and decided they were telling the truth and I had made it up 'in my grief' confused. I then had to provide my phone records to prove they were lying. Not a single member of staff was ever disciplined for this.

I will never see or hear the word midwife again without secretly hearing under my breath, lying, deceitful manipulative. To try and pretend a woman who had just been through a stillbirth was making things up rather than accept where they had gone wrong and try and learn from it for the next person is something I will never ever forget.

I'm feeling a bit lost at times too. First baby and I'm nearly 30 weeks.

I'm on shared hospital and community care due to existing medical conditions but I've no idea who I'm supposed to discuss my birth plan with?! I need info and feedback about pain relief as I've massively sensitive to opiate painkillers and I don't think I can use them. I'm also allergic to antisickness medication and I need that highlighted in case they try to give it to me!

fluffyraggies Fri 23-Aug-13 07:46:43

Oh armadale - i am so sorry to hear that thanks That is truly truly awful. After you submitted you phone records did they admit their failings? Apologise to you?

Armadale - that's horrendous

Armadale Fri 23-Aug-13 07:55:16

No, no-one ever apologised.

They said that we should all sit down and have a round table discussion, but they would need some time to co-ordinate all the senior people they would want there.

I asked them to ring me on my home landline as they had got my mobile phone number from my booking in notes and were calling me on it at work, leaving me in tears 2+ times a day, and my then boss (i'm freelance) cut down on my work hours as I was causing upset in the office. They continued to call my mobile anyway as they hadn't bothered to communicate that to the rest of the team, causing me further distress. (And my boss told me there would be no more work for me after the project I was doing finished)

They got it down to one of two possible dates, and said they would ring me to tell me which it was, and I said OK, but x date would have been my baby's due date and I absolutely DO NOT want to be contacted on this date.

The hospital then rang me 13 times on that date, 10 times within a 30 minute period, leaving me constant messages saying they were going on annual leave and this was their last day to sort the meeting out and could I call them back immediately as they were really a very busy person. My DH and I were in a counselling thing and I could hear my mobile ringing and ringing all the time and in the end went out to listen to the messages as I thought my mum or dad had died or something......

After this behaviour we told them never to contact us again, so I guess that is how they get away with it- they treat patients so terribly they are distressed and then hound them until they can't cope with any more contact when the complain.

Sleepathon Fri 23-Aug-13 07:57:26

That is truly awful Armadale flowers

fluffyraggies Fri 23-Aug-13 08:06:27

Oh my God sad

They made a bloody awful situation 100 time worse for you. (hug).

The hurtful coincidences which seem to pile up (like your due date, and set up at work) when you are at rock bottom are so cruel.

In an ideal world the thing to do is push and push for justice. But i can completely understand how sometimes it is just better to let it all go and concentrate on healing for you and your DH.

(you could name and shame on here quite easily ... just a thought)

fluffyraggies Fri 23-Aug-13 08:08:43

Not individuals of course. i meant the region.

Armadale Fri 23-Aug-13 08:11:48

I have mentioned them on a thread before, Fluffyraggies, but they just joined the thread and left a message saying so sorry you are upset, we would love to speak to you and sort it out, as if I'd never contacted them and was just unfairly venting on the internet...

It made me very,very cross.

fluffyraggies Fri 23-Aug-13 08:29:02

Really? Wow. sad sad sad

Do you think it would help if you got an apology from them? I can't believe anyone could dispute the fact that you're owed one! Or do you think it's better for you to let it go?

I have a situation regarding a hospital 'loosing' information about a baby i MC'd. I was treated in a off-hand manner. As if the info didn't matter now the baby had gone. I was too weak to deal with it at the time. Now i just want to put it behind me. It added to the pain at the time. It's all so wrong.

MWs and hospitals are underfunded, i know, but there's no excuse for treating people the way we have seen on this thread.

TeaAndANatter Fri 23-Aug-13 09:03:33

When my blood tests and scan indicated I'd lost the baby, no-one actually used the words 'miscarriage', or 'died', and they left me to google it and work it out for myself. No-one told me I'd start bleeding, and no-one told me to not use tampons or what to expect. No-one said sorry for my loss. I'm still angry, but what happened to you, Armadale is utterly indefensible. So very cross for you, that was wrong. xxx

Steffnexis9 Fri 23-Aug-13 13:03:32

Hi... Im realy sorry people seem to be having a hard time with their midwifed... So far my community midwife has been fab. Its my second pregnancy so i dont get many routine checks but i have a bit of hi blood pressure floating around so have been seeing her three times a week. She even checks my three year olds heart ec as she loves the doctors lol. The only rude person i have delt with was someone with the hopsital when my blood pressure had shot up again. ... I hve a monitor off my dad who is a pharmacist as i live 45mins from he hospital so if im feeling really rough i check and it was sky high and she said not to check as i might make it go up by checking but i tol dher not to be so stupid as i knew what i was doing and wasnt going to waste the hopistals time and my time coming in for them to check and monitor me if i could check at home beforehand...

I do however live in the sticks so maybe my midwife isnt quite s busy?!? Or she could just be a very good one. With my first i never saw the same person twice, they were always late and quite abrupt which wasnt quuie so good x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now