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Is anybody NOT scared of giving birth?

(112 Posts)
shniper Sat 20-Jul-13 12:37:38

With my first I wasn't worried/scared a bit. My antenatal classes didn't mention anything to do with labour and nobody wanted to share their birth experiences with me so I really didn't have a clue what to expect!

My friends dad asked me if I was scared and I said no, he called me a liar because everyone gets scared hmm

This time around I feel exactly the same, only I know what to expect and it still doesn't bother me.

Oh asked if I was scared and I said no, he said 'not even a little?' no.. its not a feeling I choose to switch off I'm just not worried, end of.
In fact, I have my dd name tattooed on me and I'm more worried about having my sons name tattooed on me because I had such a traumatic experience with my last!

I get this reaction a lot when I tell people the truth, I feel as though I should lie instead and say yes I'm bloody terrified just to satisfy them!

mejypoo Sat 20-Jul-13 12:48:07

To be h

TheTiger Sat 20-Jul-13 12:57:07

I wasn't scared, I was looking forward to finding out what it was like and finally having the experience millions of women have. I absolutely loved giving birth and would love to do that day over again!

I told my newly pregnant friend this and she said she was so happy I said that as people just keep telling her how awful it is and she was terrified!

Shenanagins Sat 20-Jul-13 12:59:02

I wasn't scared of labour for my two births as it would have been utterly pointless as the baby would come out regardless.
However when my second labour started i did think at one point that I couldn't do it all again, but needless to say, i did.

CheeseFondueRocks Sat 20-Jul-13 13:30:50

I wasn't scared with DD and am now not scared with this pregnancy. I'm more "worried" I won't get a pool birth again like last time because both rooms were busy but that's more of an inconvenience.

PoppettyPing Sat 20-Jul-13 14:58:22

I'm not scared of childbirth at all tbh. We're designed to do this, if we weren't, our species would have died out long ago!
I'm of the mind that fear is actually what causes a lot of the pain and complications in childbirth. Not all, I know, and there are things can can go wrong, but taking the fear down several notches can't hurt surely? People love to scare you and bad experiences always get told more often than the good ones. Just smile and nod smile

Layl77 Sat 20-Jul-13 15:03:38

No I'm not scared I'm very excited! This is half the battle really, lil hypno birthing about positivity etc. it's amazing I loved it

CheeseFondueRocks Sat 20-Jul-13 15:05:46

And Ina May Gaskin. really helped me with my first birth.

badguider Sat 20-Jul-13 15:18:30

I'm approaching my first birth and I am not really scared for me at all, I know that some horrible damage/injury might result but for some reason that isn't bothering me much, I guess I'm hoping for the best and also know that the body's pretty amazing at recovering even from quite horrible injury. In the end it's only a day or so out of my whole life and I'm not really afraid about the experience although I know it will be very intense.

BUT... I am a bit apprehensive for my baby. Being born will be the most dangerous moments of his little life.

TruJay Sat 20-Jul-13 15:21:45

I wasn't scared at all with my son, I just couldn't wait for my baby and like other posters have said wanting to experience it. My son came out just fine and I stuck to my birth plan and had no pain relief so was really proud of myself. Although 20 mins after he was born everything went wrong for me and I ended up in surgery for 3 hours which was terrifying! And I didn't really get time with my son until he was 4 hours old which was really hard.

I lost our second baby last year and am now expecting our third in Nov, I'm not scared of giving birth again but I am afraid of something being wrong with the baby due to previous loss and I am scared I will have the same complications again, fingers crossed all will be fine tho.

I would never tell anyone that labour and birth is horrible tho, especially if it is their first child, it is so cruel as u can really terrify the poor person! It's awful when people do that.

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 15:30:07

No intention of having any more DC but if I were I wouldn't be scared.

I would however be very conscious that childbirth is a very dangerous time for both mother and baby.

Women have not been designed for childbirth, we have evolved over millions of years. Unfortunately big human heads are a tight squeeze through the birth canal and that does make it painful and potentially dangerous.

TheCountessOlenska Sat 20-Jul-13 15:33:42

I wasn't at all scared either time - probably the nice calming pregnancy hormones had something to do with it.

I'm not scared. Wasn't with ds either. I'm quite a pragmatic person though, and i do believe that gettong hysterical about any situation is just going to make it worse.

I'm curious to see if it will be easier/harder the secomd time round. I am obviously expecting it to hurt, but it's such a small part of becoming a parent isnt it?

Frizz1986 Sat 20-Jul-13 15:44:48

I am 15 weeks with my first and the idea of childbirth has never really bothered me at all. I do have slight concerns that something could go wrong but I wouldn't say I am scared.
Women have evolved over a long time to give birth and with the medical advancements these days there are so many things that the hospital staff can safely deal with. I guess u just have to put in all in their hands and trust them.
Tbh I think I am rather looking forward to experiencing something so special. Plus of all the people I know (quite a few have had traumatic experiences) all of them want more so at the end of the day it's clearly worth it.

ch1134 Sat 20-Jul-13 17:04:05

I'm more scared of not giving birth. Between them my sisters have 5 kids, and have had 5 caesarians... I'm scared of surgery, not birth

misskatamari Sat 20-Jul-13 17:09:42

Before becoming pregnant I was very scared of birth as everyone seems to have some horror story to tell you. I'm not 11 weeks pregnant though and I'm not scared at all. I thought I would be but for some reason it's just not worrying me.

I'm hoping to do hypnobirthing too which I think will really help me stay calm throughout.

shniper Sat 20-Jul-13 17:14:54

Sorry to hear about your loss TruJay

Like posters have said, I would hate for anything to go wrong but I'm not going to know up until that point and if it does I can deal with it then.

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 17:14:59

Try to bear in mind that just because it's a natural process, it doesn't mean it won't hurt like mad.

Bit like teething except much worse!

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sat 20-Jul-13 17:16:22

Yes, I was apprehensive, but not so much that it kept me awake at night. There was a point in both of my pregnancies where it dawned in me that I was actually going to have to push this baby out, and it bothered me for a week or two, then I pulled myself together again.

Neither of my labours was anything like as bad as I feared it might be, though.

Vickibee Sat 20-Jul-13 17:22:40

My niece is so scared of giving birth that she has asked the MW for an elective caesarean. No medical reason just she is too scared to push. IMO this should not be allowed, there is plenty of options for pain relief. I would rather push than have a major surgical op that takes weeks to heal? Due next month

BangOn Sat 20-Jul-13 18:43:55

I wouldn't say birth is dangerous. I would say it has the potential to be, but then so does riding a bike, or eating broccoli, and we've all done both successfully, without much, or any, fear.

Yes, for most people it will hurt, but the more relaxed you are the less that's the case. And the less fear you have, the more relaxed you'll be.

qumquat Sun 21-Jul-13 00:12:14

I'm not scared of birth, but I am very aware that giving birth is one of the most dangerous things I will probably ever do. I have to admit the 'women have been doing it for centuries' argument makes me want to respond 'yes, and women have been dying doing it for centuries'. We are just very lucky here and now to have the NHS and excellent medical facilities available to us.

katrinaxx Sun 21-Jul-13 00:49:20

this is my first child ive had seven miscarriages and felt it was never going to happen and now im 16 weeks im absolutely terrified of giving birth everyone keeps scareing me with there birth stories

not scared in fact just very exited!
I know they say you forget how painful it is but I just remember it being bloody hard work and exhausting.in a good way.
the thing im worried about is that I have a blood clotting disorder so im constantly remimnding my obstetrician not to forget this when im giving birth.
he kind of rolls his eyes and says'yes.we know' lol!

Cavort Sun 21-Jul-13 07:43:53

I only gave birth to my first 16 days ago so it is very fresh for me and I think it's absolute bollocks that being relaxed will make it better. I was very relaxed and not scared in the slightest but it was still the most horrendous unmanageable pain. At the height if I was offered euthanasia I would have taken it. I appreciate everyone's experience is different but mine was hell and it had absolutely nothing to do with being fearful of it in advance. But it's a means to an end and the end result is lovely. smile

LouiseD29 Sun 21-Jul-13 07:53:42

I've been scared of the idea of childbirth most of my adult life. However now, at 37 weeks pg I have never felt calmer about it. My body has done a pretty good job of knowing what to do so far and I just have a reassuring sense of inevitability about the whole thing. Yes, I'm sure it will be painful, but I trust my body, and if not, I trust the army of qualified medical professionals on hand with pain relieving drugs! In the grand scheme of things it's actually a very small part of having kids and I don't mind going through it because I will get to meet my daughter afterwards.

I realise I might change my tune, but at the moment, feeling pretty excited about the whole thing.

Longfufu Sun 21-Jul-13 07:54:25

My first experience of giving birth was horrendous. when I fell pregnant again, I was terrified that the same thing would happen, however, I started listening to hypnobirthing cd's and have a very strict birthplan which my consultant and I put in place and now I'm looking forward to it....I want to prove to myself I can do it!

Rubysmommy Sun 21-Jul-13 08:14:55

I'm pregnant with my second and like the first, I'm not scared.
Yes it hurts but it's not forever and it's for a reason.
I'm not really a worrier about things and am convinced that a positive attitude can have a massive effect on most experiences.
Every mother/child is different - so every birth will be different. Try not to listen to other people's horror stories smile

I have four children, the youngest was six months yesterday. I've never been afraid of childbirth/labour, which is in itself very strange, as I have several phobias, which are so extreme that they limit things that I and my dcs can do. My first labour was horrendous and traumatic but I blame that on neglectful hcps and surprisingly I wasn't frightened for the next one, other than as pps have mentioned, worried for my baby's safety. Fortunately, the next three were increasingly short and straightforward and I am actually quite sad that I'll never experience it again. That feeling of excitement and empowerment is something I don't think you can recreate.

Bunnylion Sun 21-Jul-13 09:01:26

Pregnant with my first and due in 2 weeks.

I was scared before I was pregnant but the more I've learnt and read up about birth, no, I'm not scared now. I'm just incredibly excited. It's such a mile stone as a woman and I really can't wait. After 5 births, my mum even said she's the other day that shes sad that she will never get to give birth again.

Of course it's not like sitting down to gently unwrap a birthday present while drinking a nice cup of tea, but our bodies are designed for this. I'm expecting it to be the most intense experience to my life. Bring it on!

Confidence, being well informed and the knowledge that it's productive pain will get me through. Fear and panic will lead to a traumatic birth.

Don't let anything or anyone rock your confidence with their horror stories like up post "if they offered me euthanasia I'd of taken it". I have deep sympathy for women who have had traumatic births, but I wish people would be more thoughtful before they consider saying such negative things to pregnant women - many first timers - what does it achieve?

Wishing you all a wonderful birth and happy and healthy babies smile

islingtongirl Sun 21-Jul-13 09:06:55

I agree - I don't think horror stories or saying how dangerous it is help at all hmmdue in less than 5 weeks and all that just makes me terrified. I want to keep my excited feeling about meeting my baby and go into birth with an open mind - I mean does it always have to be horrendous?

agendabender Sun 21-Jul-13 09:08:32

Me! I'm not scared. I've lived through it once. I'm scared of stitches though, much more painful for a much longer time! All we have to do is live through it, I suppose.

TobyLerone Sun 21-Jul-13 09:44:20

Me. I'm not scared of giving birth.

They're floating the likelihood of an ELCS, though, and that scares the bejesus out of me!

TarkaTheOtter Sun 21-Jul-13 09:57:23

I'm not scared of giving birth again. Last time it hurt like fuck, then I has an epidural and it was fine. I imagine this time will be the same.

Suzieismyname Sun 21-Jul-13 10:01:42

No it doesn't have to be horrendous, but for many women it is. Be realistic. Some women spend 9 months in cloud cuckooland that they will simply be able to breathe away the pain... that really is hmm
With DD1 the pain was worse than acute appendicitis, with DD2 the pain was more bearable.
Think if it as 'positive pain' if you like, it's still painful!

riskit4abiskit Sun 21-Jul-13 10:05:06

I am MUCH more scared of how I will cope with lack of sleep TBH. At least with the birth there are medical staff to give advice and you know it will end.

islingtongirl Sun 21-Jul-13 10:06:18

I understand it will be painful, Im not shying away from that. Equally I don't think it is helpful spending 9 months dwelling on the fact it will be extremely painful. I just don't see how it helps.

Suzieismyname Sun 21-Jul-13 10:16:24

You're right, spending 9 months in fear doesn't help. Just be realistic...

Bunnylion Sun 21-Jul-13 10:19:02

islingtongirl I agree. It may well be very painful for some births. But I know many women who it wasn't.

No one can tell you how your birth will be either way, or that you're in cookoo land for not expecting hell.

Every birth is different.

I found the stitches worse than the birth.

Laquila Sun 21-Jul-13 10:23:21

I wouldn't say I'm scared - apprehensive, maybe, and very excited!

Suzie I don't really understand your comment - could you please explain? Weren't the first humans shaped pretty much like us, anatomically? And isn't evolution essentially design anyway? That is to say, if there was a better way of giving birth, wouldn't evolution have found it and bred that into us?

TruJay Sun 21-Jul-13 10:33:34

Thank u shniper.

Like people say most of us do it more than once so obviously what u get at the end of it must outweigh the pain. It really is an amazing experience!

I still remember that overwhelming emotion me and hubby felt once our son had arrived and came out grunting like a little piglet! I can't wait for that moment again in Nov. Hopefully we will be more prepared to get a pic of him early on this time as we didn't have a chance last time lol

Good luck to everyone x

TarkaTheOtter Sun 21-Jul-13 10:42:15

Laquila I'm not an expert but I think there is an academic literature on how walking upright (so slim pelvis) and having large brains (so large headed babies) makes birth very difficult for humans compared to other animals and there is basically a evolutionary compromise between those characteristics (which also increase survival rates) and maternal mortality.

Suzieismyname Sun 21-Jul-13 10:45:55

Evolution is millions of tiny mutations over millions/billions of years that have resulted in humans and chimpanzees and goldfish and oak trees etc. all being very different lifeforms. Some mutations are more successful in being passed on than others. A wider pelvis and much smaller head would make human childbirth much easier. It does for chimpanzees. You musn't think that evolution is all about humans!

Read 'The Blind Watchmaker' by Richard Dawkins for more detail.

Fishandjam Sun 21-Jul-13 10:54:01

I was apprehensive (not scared, exactly) first time round. It ended up being as interventionist as it was possible to be without actually having a C-section (PET leading to emergency induction, epidural, ventouse, forceps, episiotomy etc). And it was not that bad. I'd dreaded an intervention birth but it really was no big deal - I was fine, DS was fine. So with DD, I actually looked forward to it, as I knew what to expect (a likely induction again - which turned out to be the case, but no forceps etc).

I'd give birth again, no worries - I just don't fancy (a) the 8.5 months of pregnancy beforehand or (b) the 10 months of screaming colicky baby afterwards!

mrspaddy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:57:50

I am not scared after birth.. I am scared the consequences.. what will I be feeling like after.. worry about PND, not feeling right 'down there', never getting my body back to normal. I don't worry to the extent it takes over the good things, but enough to make me want to do something about them.

mrspaddy Sun 21-Jul-13 10:58:22

I am not scared of the birth

sillyoldfool Sun 21-Jul-13 11:01:59

I wasn't scared at all first or second time. first time everything was textbook, second time I gave birth to over 10lb of back to back baby with no pain relief except a tens machine, I tore badly, hemorrhaged and I was a wreck for a while afterwards.
I'm now 29 weeks with DC3 and I am worried. I'm not sure I could cope with DD2s birth and the aftermath again. Having been a total 'natural birth' type previously, if someone offered me an ELCS this time I think I'd seriously consider it. I feel like I've earned my natural birth stripes, this time I'd like it to be pain free please.

AidanTheRevengeNinja Sun 21-Jul-13 11:07:00

I wasn't. I was in total denial because DS came a month early and I had done no preparation and had no expectations, no plans, nothing. I was just excited to meet him, thrilled to stop being pregnant, and took it all as it came.

I reckon it helped grin

Hendricks Sun 21-Jul-13 17:54:18

I wasn't scared about giving birth either time. I figured that my body would know what it was doing and if it didn't baby had to come out one way or another, so there really wasn't much point worrying about it.

I went to antenatal classes with my first and I really wish I hadn't been to the last one. Showing how many people would be in a room in the event of a c-section was fine. But personally I did not need/ want to see the ventous, forceps, iv bag and canulas they may have to use or the video of a baby crowning. That was definitely a fingers in ears "lalalalala" moment.

syl1985 Sun 21-Jul-13 20:24:06

I'm not and never have been scared about giving birth. What an idiot for telling you that everyone is scared.
You know when you want to have a baby that it has to come out at some point and how that works.

Maybe not exactly how it works, but that it might hurt a bit/a lot.

The only thing I'm scared about is having a Cesarean. I'm now 31 weeks into my 4th pregnancy and I've always hoped that the baby will come out naturally.

I've always said honestly with every pregnancy that I'm a bit scared if I need a Cesarean, but if it needs to be done. I'll have one, scared or not. The health of my baby comes first.

piprabbit Sun 21-Jul-13 20:26:41

I went into childbirth knowing that my baby or I could die during childbirth.
So I was scared, but it wasn't my over-riding emotion.

Toptack Sun 21-Jul-13 20:54:53

I was calm, confident and collected going into my first birth. Unfortunately this approach doesn't guarantee an easy labour. I'm now weeks away from birth number 2 and, honestly, absolutely terrified this time round. I know this probably isn't the best approach but do feel it can be a bit demeaning to suggest to women that if only they stay calm, birthing will be straightforward. It really doesn't always work like that.

badguider Sun 21-Jul-13 22:04:40

I don't think anybody is suggesting that lack of fear makes it all easy going. Just that fear doesn't help matters.
I have always been a "worrying about stuff beforehand doesn't help" type person and this applies to childbirth too.

PhieEl06 Mon 22-Jul-13 00:10:19

I'm a first timer, 1 day overdue, not scared about the birth & labour at all, I feel so positive about it but really worried about the possibility of induction because that to me is loosing all my control over the situation! I am a massive control freak though

PenelopeLane Mon 22-Jul-13 01:36:52

Not scared here either. I wasn't scared when DS was born, and it was a tricky labour with some complications - nothing major, but complications nonetheless that required me to go into surgery afterward and didn't get to meet my baby for a few hours. I'm having another baby in 2 months and in a weird way my previous experience makes me less scared as there was nothing in that labour I could have predicted anyway or anything it would have occured to me to be scared about beforehand if that makes sense

OnTheRunFromTheAcademe Mon 22-Jul-13 04:43:52

I was scared when I was first pregnant, but I responded to my fear by educating myself about the process and by the end I wasn't scared at all.

I had a homebirth. Labour lasted six hours. It hurt but not enough to ask for any pain relief apart from the pool.

I'm pregnant again and not scared at all smile

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 22-Jul-13 05:19:54

I wasn't scared at all first time, and ended up labouring for 71 hours, including several hours on syntocinon to speed up the labour with nothing but gas and air, followed by emcs. It was the opposite of how I imagined my birth experience would be, having educated myself beforehand, but the only thing I wish is that I had spent more time learning about ceasareans in case that's how it happened.

Second was a vbac, wasn't scared of that either, but was much more open minded about what could possibly happen, so felt prepared.

Hope all the first timers have great labours and, much more importantly, safe deliveries of healthy babies. I agree with the PP who said be realistic. Don't be afraid, but be prepared that it might not be how you expect it to be.

And be prepared to be utterly blown away by the love you'll feel for your little mite, however they arrive! smile

Frizz1986 Mon 22-Jul-13 09:06:04

tarka is right. We are not as well designed as other mammals to give birth as the pelvis is narrower and the head is larger due to a larger brain. It is why our children are born much more helpless than others as our bodies get the baby out before it gets too big to get out and also before it starts to demand more energy than we can provide for it.
You should watch BBC horizon with Alice Roberts from the other week as it explains all about birth and is fascinating.
It actually made me feel more comfortable about birth as even though it explains how we are less evolved than others, our body does do what it has to do and gives birth at the latest possible point to give out offspring the best chance of survival.

I am well aware that it is gonna hurt like hell, prob the most painful thing I will go through but I will get a baby at the end and it will end at some point so I won't be worrying about it at all.

KateCroydon Mon 22-Jul-13 10:24:42

I stopped being scared of labour while I was pregnant. It was weird. Labour itself wasn't a walk in the park but it was far far far less bad than I'd imagined before I was pregnant. YMMV, of course, but I think sometimes those of us with straightforward-ish labours almost feel embarrassed to talk about it.

BangOn Mon 22-Jul-13 10:57:36

Frizz86 - if you actualy watch the Alice Roberts show you mention; you'll see that the crux of her whole argumement was that human babies are born helpless because they've reached the point where their demands on the mother's body have outstripped her body's ability to metabolise food for them. Perhaps you missed the end of the programme?

Frizz1986 Mon 22-Jul-13 11:29:48

Bang I must not have phrased my point very well. I did watch until the end of the show and saw that our body gives birth at the point when essentially we are no longer able to provide, what I meant was that although our babies are more helpless than other newborns, our body is clearly developed to give birth when it needs to so I completely trust that during childbirth my body will do what it has to do. Sorry if i was a bit all over the shop.
I would still recommend a watch as it was very interesting in general.

Bunnylion Mon 22-Jul-13 12:02:19

There are a number of theories as to why many women have painful and traumatic births - women being "less evolved" is one. Which to be honest I am sceptical about after hearing from so many women who've had large babies with low levels (or sometimes even no) pain or need for medical intervention.

Another theory (with mass's of statistical data to back it up) suggest that the over-medicalisation of birth and the cultural terror instilled in women is another reason.

Of course there are times when things go wrong and we need (and are thankful for) medical interventions but there is certainly a higher chance of a cascading affect of pain and traumatic birth when hospitals routinely augment labour - as has become so common in the western world.

Fifi2406 Mon 22-Jul-13 12:17:17

I wasn't scared to give birth at all! More looking forward to it.

The few moments during labour that I panicked I definitely felt the pain was worse and felt like I was dying so found being calm and just breathing properly through the pain it didn't hurt was more discomfort that I could totally cope with!

What was worse than actually pushing baby out for 10 minutes was the 2 hours of stitching I had to have after! confused

TarkaTheOtter Mon 22-Jul-13 14:49:03

I had a friend who believed that extreme pain in labour was caused by fear... then she gave birth herself! Surprisingly she now believes it to be physiological rather than psychological hmm

FobblyWoof Mon 22-Jul-13 16:47:16

I was very scared the first time around. This time I'm probably going to have to have a ELCS (my DD had shoulder dystocia) do I won't get to experience it again but I think if I did I wouldn't be scared.

I think my biggest fear wasn't the pain, it was how I was going to cope with the pain. I'm such a wuss and I was sure I'd fall to pieces when the time came but I actually dealt with it very well.

I tend to be honest with friends who ask. Mainly because I had a very positive birth experience. Even the shoulder dystocia was dealt with fabulously by my hospital. I always say that it does hurt (there's no point glossing over it) but they key is to remain calm in between contractions as it just helps everything and everyone around you to help you, and that to look at each contraction as being one step closer to seeing your baby. Keep an open mind, so that if things don't go exactly to plan then it's not an issue. I didn't really want pethadine because of it crossing the plancenta but I'd have gladly taken it in labour if I didn't get on with the gas and air!

Littleen Sun 04-Aug-13 19:06:43

Not scared too much - we're meant to do it. I used to be terrified, but after several seasons of One Born Every Minute, I have come to the conclusion that if all those ladies can do it, so can I! I just hope there's no complications, and that I can do it in a pool and with some hypnobirth help and stuff. Scared of the drugs and don't want them, and we don't get gas and air here, so slightly worried how I will cope, but hey! Baby out safely is the main goal, regardless of how one gets there smile

Freudianslap Sun 04-Aug-13 19:12:59

I'm not scared of labour - its the bits /18yrs afterwards that terrify me!!

ChunkyChicken Sun 04-Aug-13 19:25:56

I was apprehensive before my DD was born, as I knew that it was a situation where it was a complete unknown & there wasn't a lot to do to influence the outcome, & of course, very few people actually enjoy pain, let alone in those sort of circumstances. I wouldn't say scared.

However, despite it not being a perfect birth (a little protracted in the pushing stage, stitches), I came through it all relatively unscathed & coped ok with the pain. It was less painful to me overall than the 2wks I endured appendicitus because I knew things were happening & soon I would have a baby etc, whereas appendicitus was undiagnosed & on-going, with no rhyme or reason to the pain. I was scared of the gen anesthetic/surgery to remove the appendix though!

I felt quite pleased to be in labour with my DS!! I'd had wks of braxton hicks & was totally fed up of the discomfort, and knew I could handle it, as I'd done it before. Much better birth too, possibly because I was calmer (homebirth) & knew how to deal the pain relatively effectively.

Shardlake Tue 06-Aug-13 23:18:46

I was scared before my DD was born, but I needn't have been. The labour and birth were pretty quick - I started having mild contractions overnight, only decided at about 7am that this was probably it and I should tell DP about it so he could stay at home with me. Then had increasingly strong contractions under about midday, we went into the hospital and DD was born just after 3pm. I'm pregnant again and not scared this time. It was really sore of course, but not the totally different league of pain I'd been expecting - just like really bad period pain, for me. Also the stronger contractions at home reminded me a bit of the stomach cramps you get with diarrhoea. I'd been particularly anxious about the actually birth/crowning and possibility of tearing, but even though I did need a few stitches, it wasn't that bad and I don't remember feeling the tearing. I remember thinking, just after DD was born, that I couldn't believe it was all over so quickly. I realise I was lucky - but plenty of women do have fairly quick, straightforward deliveries, even the first time.

Amibambini Wed 07-Aug-13 09:14:57

I'm 18 wks with first. Not scared at all, quite excited actually! I think that one thing that really helped was being a birth partner to a friend. I was down the business end at the moment of birth, aside from being a far more magical, emotional experience than I could have ever imagined, actually seeing what the body is capable of, how the vagina changes completely during the birth process, made me realise 'Ah, that's what our bits actually do.'.
Given me way more confidence about the whole thing.

JRmumma Wed 07-Aug-13 09:34:13

Funny how its been 2 men telling you that you should be scared! They've never done it and won't ever have to do it!

Im 37 weeks with baby no 1 and i can honestly say im not scared about childbirth. I know its going to hurt, and probably not going to enjoy or appreciate it at the time, but i am looking forward to it and know ill be so glad ive been through it afterwards.

After bring convinced baby was going to stay breech until this week when it turned, i was sure id end up with a c-section, so now im absolutely buzzing that ill be able to have a vaginal birth.

Franykins Wed 07-Aug-13 09:52:11

I'm not scared. As has been mentioned I feel that they are in there (twins) and they have to come out, why get scared over it and work myself up. As popettyPing has said 'I'm of the mind that fear is actually what causes a lot of the pain and complications in childbirth.;' and I agree with this.

Ok some may think I am naïve as this will be my first labour but i'm sticking with not being scared.

I do have worries about my babies being very early, or needing special care etc, but that is not specific to twins is it. As long as they are ok that is what matters, but secretly I'm kind of looking forward to labour, I want to know what its all like smile

I'm 27 weeks with my first and I'm not scared of giving birth. I do however want to put in place some form of coping mechanism as best I can therefore I am practising hypnobirthing techniques. I'm fairly open to the fact that my plans may not go how I think and I'm prepared for that.

I don't think that childbirth is dangerous - it has the potential to be dangerous. Like so many other things in life! I for one consider riding my horse to be probably one of the most dangerous things I do and that's recreation!

stepmooster Wed 07-Aug-13 12:41:05

I gave birth with gas and air, it was hard work, exhausting and at times painful. But I told myself over and over again not to fight the contractions, and to listen to my body and just go with it when it wanted to push.

I am pregnant with my second and the bit I am most worried about is tearing, and having to be patched up. This happened with the first and honestly if they had given me the local anasthetic the first time I requested it instead of poking arond down there for what seemed like ages I perhaps I wouldn't be so nervous.

No I am not scared, slightly nervous like the thought of public speaking.

As one wise woman told me, it can't be that bad otherwise people wouldn't have more than one child!

no1childminder Thu 08-Aug-13 19:59:23

Exactly what I was going to write thetiger I wasn't scared with my 1st, I couldn't wait to see what it was like. And I honestly thought it would hurt a WHOLE lot more than it did. I would definitely go through that day all over again. Even with baby getting stuck and me needing to get cut and to use forceps. The sewing up was the worse bit out of the whole 5.5hr labour/birth experience! I'm pg with my 2nd and I can't wait to do it all again!

lljkk Thu 08-Aug-13 20:01:15

I wasn't scared with the first. Very naively thought I'd cope just fine. Totally underestimated what it would be like. I was scared by the time I got to the 4th. Over my dead body the thought of a 5th.

Mythreeknights Tue 20-Aug-13 20:57:15

Well done cavort for being honest! I wasn't scared with my first...imagined I would triumph in the same way as you approach running a marathon and succeed, but I was horrified by the brutality of it, the pain and the psychological trauma. When I discovered I was pg with my second, I was referred to the psychiatric dept as I was so scared of going through it again. I was determined to have a c section but gp friends persuaded me otherwise and I am glad they did as I ended up having a pain relief free pool labour which was amazing! Now pg with third and slightly crapping myself in case the second one was a fluke, but not traumatised and happy to go for it without pain relief again. Good luck all first timers!

PeriodMath Tue 20-Aug-13 23:31:39

I wasn't scared with my first. Kept telling myself "It's just one day" and thought I was pretty tough and would be ok. Plus, I'd done my NCT prep, listened to a hypno-crap cd, bought massage beads AND read Ina May Gaskin.

I knew it all.

Suffice it to say, I am very scared going into it second time round. wink

hettienne Tue 20-Aug-13 23:36:01

I wasn't scared the first time...

LittlePeaPod Wed 21-Aug-13 04:28:02

I am scared but I saw my sister have a horrendously traumatic VB with her last chid. She has decided never to have any more children after her experience.

Vickibee. I am the same as your niece and I am opting for an ECS (no medical reason) because I don't want to give birth vaginally. I did go through the trauma of watching my sister nearly die giving birth vaginally (hemorrhage) so I am accurately aware of how bad things can go in child birth. I think every woman should have the option to choose how they give birth regardless of whether that choice is VB or ECS. If NHS refuse the ECS I will be going private.

Sleepthief Wed 21-Aug-13 08:14:41

I wasn't scared with DC1 - didn't take it very seriously at all, in fact. Suffice to say, it went pretty horribly wrong and foetal distress ended in emCS.

So with DC2 I was more aware of how badly things can go, and apprehensive because I was going for a VBAC. All fine smile.

With DC3, having had a good experience previously I wasn't too worried, up until I was actually leaving for the hospital and thought 'shit, what if I don't come back?' shock. Again, all was fine - lovely calm, really positive experience in fact. To the point where I immediately thought 'I could do that again!' grin.

Now I am - doing it again - albeit in about 20 weeks, I feel fine about it. However, I may panic again when I'm actually in labour, and I am aware because of my first experience that things can and do sometimes go wrong.

islingtongirl Wed 21-Aug-13 08:34:37

Due on Saturday (first baby) was feeling ok about it until I read this thread - now terrified! hmm I guess better to be prepared for the worst though....

CuppaSarah Wed 21-Aug-13 08:41:58

I was terrified at first. I had a big day by day pregnancy book, but refused to read the childbirth section. Then after the 20 week scan I stopped being scared and got really excited about giving birth.

I got a gym ball and my DM bought a space hopper and we watched trashy TV trying to get the baby out. When I first went into labour I was so excited I couldn't get any rest and got giddily chatting to my family on the phone all day. Bu the time I got to hospital I ended up so exhausted I slept between every contraction. My labour didn't go according to my birth plan but that was by choice. I just didn't fancy a water birth once I got into it.

During the worst bit I did do everything cliched like beg for the epidural and tell DP 'NEVER AGAIN' But right now I'd happily do it again every day! I can't even remember the pain. As long as you go into it with an open mind, accepting it will hurt but it's not forever, you'll be fine!

islingtongirl Wed 21-Aug-13 08:50:56

Thanks CuppaSarah smile that's what I am trying to do - keep an open mind. I'm excited to have the baby now so I am almost looking forward to labour starting, is that weird? I know it will hurt, I know that - I just want to feel positive and not scared!

Mythreeknights Wed 21-Aug-13 10:56:51

islingtongirl let me describe a contraction to you: first of all they feel like someone is giving you a gentle hug from behind, it feels warm, you feel your tummy getting tighter, then it releases. By about 2cm dilated, each time you have a contraction, it feels like you are being squeezed pretty tight and you can't really breathe (which is frightening: do not be frightened!) By about 5cm, it basically feels like you are being crushed by a moving bus, which is splitting your body in half and just as it gets completely critical and you can't bear it, it eases off. From then on in, they come so thick and fast you sort of go into a trance and time has no meaning. The pushing stage isn't as bad as contractions (or, it wasn't for me). You can't but push - there is no will power on earth that could prevent the baby from being pushed out. It feels like a giant canonball is erupting through your arse. The final bit when the baby is half in, half out feels like you have a fish flapping about in your foo foo. Not sore, just very very wierd feeling. The crowning bit (e.g. when the largest part of the baby comes out) isn't bad - stingy but not bad.
That is in essence my description of labour. I hope it takes away some of the mystery!

Mythreeknights Wed 21-Aug-13 10:58:04

To all who say they 'loved every second' and 'would do it again in a shot', I ask you: really??

islingtongirl Wed 21-Aug-13 11:17:43

Thanks mythreeknights - I appreciate the honest description! Ill have DH there and hopefully somehow ill get through it and cope. Its all for a good cause after all smile

PinkParsnips Wed 21-Aug-13 13:32:51

I'm not scared of the actual process or pain of giving birth, I just feel like I'll take it as it comes and not try to plan or think about it too much (it's my first), just take a 'go with the flow' attitude - especially with pain relief!

The only thing that does worry me is if anything goes wrong, but I think that's mainly as a colleague recently had a stillbirth during labour which was a massive shock and I do tend to worry about stuff like that.

princesscupcakemummyb Wed 21-Aug-13 13:35:19

nope not scared i actually enjoy giving birth strange arent i lol grin

Sleepthief Wed 21-Aug-13 13:51:56

Mythree, what you have described is YOUR experiencd of contractions. It doesn't sound like mine at all. The only point with DC3 where I felt major pain (like someone havking at my spind with a blunt axe) was at the point where his head was descending into the birth canal - moments before my waters broke and he was born 10 mins later, with no pain whatsoever. And yes, I did immediately think I wanted to do it again grin. As with all things pregnancy, everyone is different smile.

(DC1, however, being back to back was completely different and complete and utter agony from approximately no cm dilated!)

Mythreeknights Wed 21-Aug-13 13:55:52

Sleepthief - I know it's all so subjective! But I'd love to know how others describe their experience with contractions? Your major pain bit sounds like it was in the 'transition' - that's when I was "I CANNOT DO THIS" but had no pain. It's so odd isn't it - but does explain why some women are howlers (me) and some are so calm - we must all feel it differently smile

mythree, not my experience of contractions either.

Just me that felt like I was being ripped in half each time then?

And while the contractions came and went there was the constant excruciating back pain?

Baby not back to back either. Just an agonising labour. Everyone is different. I didn't howl though, but I do remember telling the midwife to tell the howler in the next room to shut the f*ck up!!

But hey ho, I went through that and then had a planned ds2 16 months later (probably short age gap to get it over with quickly...)

Sleepthief Wed 21-Aug-13 15:49:53

I really do think everyone feels it differently, mythree. And even different labours can vary so much for the same person. Basically, you have no idea how you'll be until you're in it! With my last the dr said I couldn't possibly be in labour as I was too calm. He wouldn't have said that if he seen me with DC1 curling up into a ball and swearing profusely, or demanding an epidural and c-section with DC2 grin. Hopefully my labour with DC4 in January will be an oasis of zen-like calm as he slips out to the sound of whale music or somesuch hmm

Mythreeknights Wed 21-Aug-13 16:23:59

Cool - I'm due in January too Sleep - for DC3 - fingers crossed for both of us that these ones just 'fall' out grin Congratulations!

Mythreeknights Wed 21-Aug-13 16:25:22

Fliberrty - nope, 'ripped in half' definitely describes it! I was being brave when I said it started really hurting at 5cm. In reality I was a wreck by about 1cm and couldn't believe I wasn't considered to be in 'active labour' (and was therefore denied pain relief).

sprite25 Thu 22-Aug-13 16:59:02

Im not due til December so my feelings might change when it gets closer but at the moment Im not scared of giving birth, and havent been when TTC, finding out I was pregnant etc. I actually feel like Im looking forward to it but that may be actually having the baby to hold in my arms and not the actual labour and birth bit. Me and my husband have just started hypnobirthing and I know loads of people will say stuff like it wont help etc. but its what we have chosen as Ive always been the type of person to go quiet, breath deeply and try and focus myself when in pain anyway so Im hoping it will help in labour too. I know it wont be pain-free or all wonderful and stuff but I dont understand why as soon as people find out that your pregnant they insist on pushing horror stories of birth onto you and feed you negative comments about it???

Eilidhbelle Thu 22-Aug-13 18:34:30

I due to give birth in a couple of weeks, and I'm not scared about it. In a weird way, I'm looking forward to the experience!

We had a really awful midwife at the antenatal classes who tried to push how AGONY it all was and how SORE we would be afterwards, which wasn't helpful. I'm sure I'll regret saying this, but my plan is to keep calm, listen to what they tell me to do, and try to focus on the baby coming rather than the pain. It'll be a breeze!

Daisy299 Fri 06-Sep-13 19:49:28

No disrespect intended, but crikey, some of the comments in this thread are supremely unhelpful given the topic/title.

Wanting to die in labour/ feeling like you're being ripped in half/ being crushed by a bus - many of us have MILs to make these kinds of comments, are they necessary on a thread about fear of childbirth? hmm

Bue Sat 07-Sep-13 10:42:07

I don't think anyone else's experience of labour is helpful, tbh.

anaotchan Sat 07-Sep-13 20:11:13

It depends what you mean exactly - I am not really scared of the pain for myself. I am, however, terrified that something may go wrong for the baby.

Right now I'm associating childbirth to finally meeting my baby, so the prospect of pain... meh. By FAR the biggest worry on my mind is, will the baby be born safe and healthy.

I realize I'm likely to change my mind in the middle of labour and absolutely hate the pain, but I figure there's no point trying to scare myself in advance - may as well approach it with a positive mind, at least I'll spare myself useless mental agony in the coming weeks waiting for the birth!

RNJ3007 Sat 07-Sep-13 20:23:59

I was a tad nervous the first time as I was induced, and I'd been told induction would be grim.

For my second, I wasn't at all scared. Was totally excited for my waters to go, and high-fived my husband when I had my first 'need to breathe' contraction (incidentally, my son's head delivered about 5 seconds after the high five... Whoops!)

BreeWannabe Sun 08-Sep-13 10:52:29

Well said, Daisy. I wasn't scared (what's the point? Won't help) til I read this thread! Seriously ladies, why are we posting horrendous things on here? All that will achieve is to frighten those of us about to go through it. The thread is "anyone not scared?" So why are people trying to scare each other?! sad
I just think, nobody else's birth experience is relevant to me in any way. Easy or hard, it will be what it will be. But seriously, please think and be sensitive before posting about horrible things which have happened to you/your sister/your colleagues sad

ZiaMaria Sun 08-Sep-13 10:56:45

Umm. I wasn't scared either. I'd read up on the process so I knew what might happen, and I rather thought that it would be fine. And if it wasn't I'd be at the nice hospital with the nice doctor with his nice knife who would do the job for me if required. I didn't really think too much beyond that. Seemed a waste of energy to get scared - the baby was presumably going to have to exit regardless.

greentshirt Sun 08-Sep-13 11:52:29

im not scared of labour or the pain, but I am scared of needing intervention or something going wrong. As someone else said upthread, a few too many people I know have ended up with still borns at my local hospital due to lack of monitoring in labour so thats my major worry. im considering a homebirth at the moment as I know I will get the monitoring I want and im not far from the hospital so if I needed to be transferred it would only take 5mins.

Is there a homebirth thread anywhere?

hamncheese Wed 18-Sep-13 08:05:53


Sure there are others too though.

I wasn't scared first time, couldn't wait actually. this time I'm sat here saying I wish I could have five labours and no morning sickness. To give context my labour lasted three days and wasn't all that easy!

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Wed 18-Sep-13 10:24:54

I wasn't scared before I got pregnant and I hated pregnancy so much when I was pregnant that I couldn't wait! it was the easiest bit of the whole pregnancy/giving birth/newborn process for me and despite DS being back to back I'd happily do it again!

NomDeClavier Wed 18-Sep-13 10:48:25

I was scared with DS but more about the lack of control/the medicalisation.

This time I'm not scared at all. I'm really looking forward to it and I have every confidence that the medical team will respect my wishes because I know that they can keep their hands to themselves when they need to! Also I've done it once and although I know that no two labours are the same there are definitely lessons identified/lessons learnt for me, and for DH too.

JoJoManon Wed 18-Sep-13 13:07:10

I'm not remotely scared because I am having an ELCS. If I were to give birth naturally I'd be sh1tting myself. All the horror stories I've heard make it sounds like hell on earth.

Frecklesandspecs Wed 18-Sep-13 18:43:10

I was scared before my first but very calm about my second. This time I haven't had time to think about it! :-\

Xmasbaby11 Wed 18-Sep-13 23:06:14

I wasn't scared with my first as I thought I was prepared. However, it was hell. Luckily I am having a c section this time (well, not exactly lucky - it's only because last time caused me so many problems) otherwise I would be dreading it.

BadlyWrittenPoem Tue 08-Oct-13 16:14:54

I'm not scared - I'm looking forward to it. I really enjoyed my last birth and would honestly have preferred to give birth every day for eight months to the pregnancy I had. One of my early thoughts when I found out I was pregnant this time was how glad I was that I will get to give birth again.

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