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Where should baby sleep(81 Posts)
Can anyone advise.
Baby isn't due until Oct but we have a cat who currently sleeps upstairs and I want to get him in to a new routine in plenty of time.
We are already keeping him out of the baby's room, but I've read that baby should sleep in your room for the first six months, is this true?
Two problems with this are the lack of space in our room for anything more than a Moses basket (ie no space for the cot) and the cat.
How long was baby with you before moving into their own room?
Hey. We had DS in our room in a Moses basket at first then moved him into his own room. He only lasted in the Moses basket 7 weeks because he didn't like it but some people can get much longer out of their Moses baskets xx
Yes, first 6 moths is advisable. Look a swinging crib/cradle things, as they are bigger than moses, so last much longer, but nowhere near cot sized.
Either keep the cat in or shut him out, up to you.
6 months is advised due to increased risk of SIDS (cot death) if baby is in their own room. Obviously if you only have room for a Moses basket then you can only have baby in with you until they outgrow the basket - this was our dilemma as our room was too small for a cot, and DS's room was too small for an adult bed. We kept him in with us as long as possible but then had no choice but to put him in his own room at around 3 months.
Regarding the cat, you will simply need to start keeping upstairs doors closed so the cat can still go upstairs but not in your room or baby's room. Alternatively don't allow it upstairs at all.
The baby really does need to be with you for 6 months, dramatically reduces cot death which I think is one of the main reasons you need to. Would you have room for a co-sleeper right next to the bed? Might take up less room then a stand alone cot x
6 months, as everyone else is saying. People do move them earlier - we did, a lot earlier, but that was a personal choice and not following the guidelines. A crib or a sidecar cot will last longer than a moses basket, though you could also see if a travel cot would fit in your room for the last month or so.
As regards the cat, I'd say the safest thing is to start to teach your cat he is not allowed upstairs at all.
In with you for the first 6months in a moses basket, carrycot, cot etc
Our 7mo DD is still in with us (one bed flat until the autumn). We had a BedNest, which is really wee and has load of other advantages (I posted a review on it oon here a while ago so won't repeat). NCT is apparently now doing a scheme to rent them for £99 for 6 months, I've heard. or we got ours second hand and bought a new mattress. Can't recommend enough.
I would be looking at some sort of crib or carrycot rather then a moses basket. Moses baskets tend to only be used for a couple months but i managed to keep Ds in a crib for 6 months.
Start now training the cat to stay out of the room...its easier whilst pregnant then when you have a little baby to deal with.
Guidelines are 6 months but they are only guidelines & if you need to put your baby in a cot, he will need to go into his own room. Many do & are fine.
If you can't fit a cot into your room, could you put a single mattress onto the floor of the baby's room? That might be easiest, then you could both sleep in there from birth.
ugh sorry, meant to say - she fit in the bednest til 6 months (and she would still have fit, but had to come out because she could sit up). That's why I was recommending.
My dd loved the moses basket and slept in it until around 3 months.
My dd was tallish and hated it so was in his cot within the first week...
We are training our dog ( sorry I know it is a different animal but the love is the same) to stay outside all the bedrooms. Made a wonderful bed with the plug in pheromones from vet and she is settling in the bathroom ( out of the way)...
Ikea sell a space saving cot worth checking out
I'm interested in feedback on this. I know the guidelines say to keep the baby in with you but know heaps of people who didn't. I just can't imagine having a baby sleeping in the same room as us....
guidelines say 6 months but tbh if my flat wasn't only a 1 bed place she would be going straight into her own room as my dp works nights so when i am going to put her down in the day i don't want to disturb him.
As for the cat, you can buy cat nets for the cot that stop them being able to get into it. BabiesRUs and Kiddycare type places sell them - never seen in my local mothercare but then not really looked.
As for space if you do want to have baby in with you, moses basket will be fine initially or a small crib -think mothercare do one for about £60 but look at local NCT sales etc for ideas
everyone I know kept them in for 6 months, I think it is becoming increasingly common. Why can't you imagine it? It is a lot easier seeing as they wake up so often!
I thought there was no room for a cot in my bedroom, but it just sat next to the bed while we needed it, and I climbed around it to get clothes! Needs must.
Have a look at the Isis website which has a whole section on where it is safest for babies to sleep. Isisonline.org.uk
Interestingly, by having the baby sleep near a parent night AND day dramatically reduces the SIDS risk.
6 months. Apparently hearing your breathing helps to regulate theirs and so reduce risk of SIDS etc. I bought a narrow crib from kiddicare (about £40). Not much wider than a Moses basket but a bit longer. Baby will be there til he grows out of it, then into his own room. We're lucky we had room for a single bed in his room so if push comes to shove one of us can sleep in there with him. I'm sure there are plenty who moved their children out earlier and caused them no harm in doing so, but I'll be trying to stick as close to recommended time period as possible.
I know the main concern is baby, and really do take the risk of cot death seriously, but I cannot imagine the effect it would have on my marriage if I was to sleep apart from my husband on a mattress on the floor of the baby's room for six months. Seriously?
DD slept in a Moses basket in our room for the first 3 months, until she outgrew it, then she moved into her cot in her own room. We closed the door (we also have a cat, and it is pretty much impossible to train an adult cat that he is not allowed in a room he has always gone in before) and had a baby monitor. Its an average sized house and she wa about 6 yards away from us even in her own room. You do what is practical for you, be realistic.
YY to bed nest from NCT website.
I've rented mine for £99, for 6 months, and it comes with a new mattress.
It's beautifully designed, very compact and light! It even folds down into a carry bag to use on your travels.
Love, love, love it.
kiddicare also do space saver cots quite reasonably
Your baby probably needs you more than your husband initially !
If its that much of an issue shag your dh during the day then! I'd personally love an excuse not yo have to share a bed with the snoring, farting sweaty mess that dh becomes at night, but he's a lovely hands on dad who enjoys sharing night feeds etc with me and a snuggle in bed with ds, so would be cruel to sleep apart. Your relationship will change drastically anyway and really its not an obscene amount of time to sacrifice for the safety of your child, if you read the guidelines yourself you'll understand why they recommend your children sleep in your room. It doesn't work the same if they are in another room with the door closed (even if it is 6ft away). I can see it all appears very pfb though, just try for as long as you can, I'm sure you'll adapt as time goes on but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
littlestgirlguide, i hear you.
it's certainly not all about 'shagging my dh' as jammiedonut says but i would like my marriage to also remain important.
by the time our baby comes and i've recovered from birth we will have been celibate for a year (cervical stitch so sex and climax ban for me!)
thought of a potential total of 18 months without any intimacy is not a pleasant one.
Thanks Kelly1814. No it's not all about shagging. I don't have an issue with a cot in our room, but if it doesn't fit then make the Moses (or whatever you can fit) last as long as you can and then move baby into his own room. You have to do what is right for your whole family. Just saying.
We've rented the NCT bednest, and it's lovely. Not too big, in fact quite compact and tidy, I like it a lot and I'm thinking of it as a way that DH and I can carry on sharing a bed... Well in truth it would be starting to share a bed again, I'm over 40 weeks now and he's been evicted to the spare room for the last 2 or 3 so it'll be nice to be back together as a family.
You'll work out what works best for all 3 of you to get all the sleep, and all the closeness that you need, good luck.
Whilst guidelines say 6 months, we moved DD into her own room (next door to mine) at about 9 weeks and never looked back. We all slept a lot better and didn't have to creep around in the dark when we went to bed everynight. At 12 weeks we moved her from MB straight into cot bed, and that went without a problem. I continued to BF in her nursery throughout night.
She was a healthy, big baby and we just felt happy to go against guidance. Providing baby no. 2 is similar we'd do exactly the same but probably earlier. We do also have a video monitor, which is good to check if ou feel you need to.
It's just personal choice and you probably won't know how you'll feel until the time. Could the Moses basket go at the bottom of the bed on a stand, then even if it blocks a walkway, you can jump over bed to get to other side?? X
Thanks for all the advice ladies.
I think we are going to try and get one of the NCT bedside beds and see how we go once baby arrives.
Just wanted to point out that it's not just night times that baby should be sleeping in the same room as you, it's all daytime naps too.
And fair enough you have a monitor if the baby is in another room but this entirely misses the point that it's not about you hearing the baby, it's that the baby needs to hear you.
Kd83. I hope you like the bednest, my baby's not here yet but we've assembled ours and its a really nice piece of kit, modern and minimalist if but just looks like it works for what we want it to do.
We upgraded our mattress to a Little Green Sheep one which is all organic and lovely. I felt that the mattress that came with the bednest was a bit flimsy and plastic feeling. The Green Sheep one feels more substantial and just nicer. It does bump the cost up and I'm sure the standard one is absolutely fine I just thought I'd let you know.
Am vey much hoping I'll have a baby to sleep in it by weekend!
Our son went into his own room from day 1. We bought an angelcare baby monitor which has a sensor pad that alarms if the baby doesn't move at least every 20 seconds.
We also have a cat who quite liked sleeping in the nursery but well as soon as the baby came along he was so scared of him that he never went in there again! The cat now gets put in the kitchen at night with a cosy bed, he's perfectly happy.
The best advice I had was, what works for other mums and babies might not work for you and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
Anecdotally I don't know anyone who had the baby in with them for 6 months, including a relative who is a pediatric ICU doctor. Obviously its your choice and you must read the guidance and make up your own mind, but in the absence of other risk factors (particularly smoking parents) I'm not sure that we will have our baby in or room in our room when it arrives (also in Oct).
Definitely do what works for you and ignore everyone else. I have friends who gave done 1 night to 5 months and everything in between.
The guidelines recommend 6 months but if ex all followed every bit of guidance for bringing up babies then we would never do anything and be complete paranoid wrecks. Go with your instincts
I don't have a cat but grew up with one and a baby's cot will be their new hang out du jour if it looks cosy enough. That said, they don't like the noise of a baby so they may well steer clear.
A friend just put stair gates in place to stop the cats going past the top stair. Seemed to work fine but might be worth borrowing one to see if you have a cat capable of scaling one.
In my experience, the only thing to keep a cat out of a cot is a closed door.
I have 2 cats, one is 3-legged, and both just jumped over the stair gates, both ignored the cat net on the cot when the baby wasn't in it and treated it like a hammock.
This was the main reason for keeping baby's door closed at night. Our house has no doors downstairs, all open plan, so couldn't shut them in the kitchen anyway.
My baby stayed in with me for 6 months, in her Moses (she is tiny though, and it was quite a large basket). Apart from the important safety aspect, it is lovely to have them near you to check on in the night, and also much easier to cope if they wake frequently.
The best advice I had was, what works for other mums and babies might not work for you and that's nothing to be ashamed of
Hopefully you will find it easy to keep your baby in your room for the 6 months, but anecdotally I also don't know many people who achieved this, most people I know made it to about 4 months before moving the baby over. Ditto having the baby sleep in the same room as you for every nap and every evening before you go to bed, I don't know anyone in RL who managed this (I actually don't know anyone who tried).
If for some reason sharing a room isn't working, or for your own sake you need the baby to nap in their basket in your room during the day then that is your decision to make. All you can do is read the guidelines, look at your own personal situation, and make the best decision for you and your family. Some babies love sleeping on a parent and want you close, other babies want to be in a dark, quiet room, and particularly in the latter case, it can be very hard to stay with them 24 hours a day if that is the case.
Presumably the people who put the babies into their own room early on, and whose babies were not "just fine" aren't going to be posting so often on mumsnet as the ones who still have their babies.
Strangely I don't think I have any natural instincts regarding the causes and prevention of SIDS.
I think people should be really careful about saying their baby was fine on their own rooms from early on. It gives the wrong message that its ok to do it.
The SIDS advice isn't just plucked out of thin air to sound good. It comes from research evidence collected from babies that have died.
Check out the lullaby trust website for up to date and research based guidelines on safe sleeping. Enjoy your baby when they arrive op
Agree with the two previous posts wholeheartedly.
Me too. I can't believe people are so blasé about keeping baby with them for first 6 months. There is a lot of evidence about it's protective effect against SIDS
As for shagging, why would having baby in your room mean you can't dtd?? It's seriously a non-issue
I agree that no one should say "I put my baby in their own room and they were fine" in a way that implies all babies will be fine. But every family can do nothing more than read the guidance and make an informed decision about when they will move their baby to another room.
But who mentioned shagging as a reason for moving them, did I miss that? Though personally, no way am I having sex in the same room as my child, no matter what their age and whether they are asleep or not...
I'm 34 weeks gone with DC1 and my DP is adamant that there will be no co-sleeping and that baby will be in its own room by 4 weeks.
I'm really unhappy about this for a number of reasons, not least of which because I'm planning to breastfeed which will mean I'll be doing all of the night feeds as it is.
DP is very high maintenance about sleeping - room has to be pitch black and very quiet - which, ironically, I read last week can be caused by being put to bed in your own room from a very very young age.
He says he'll get one of the best monitors going to compensate for this, but I'm still not happy. Hoping he'll realise that me getting up (he wakes up), going to different room for an hour or so (he sleeps), coming back (he wakes up again) and repeat will be much more tiring than me waking up, picking baby up, feeding without getting out of bed, laying back to sleep without getting out of bed etc
As for pets - we're planning to get a cat in the near future, but will be holding off til baby is more settled then we can train cat (theoretically) where it can and can't go...
Bravelilbear very few people start off intending to co sleep - most people only do it because it is literally the only way to get any sleep at all! It sounds like the best solution for your family might be for your Dh to sleep in the baby's room while you and the baby sleep in your room.
We kept DS in with us for the best part of a year, though our bedroom was only 11' by 13' and we also had two wardrobes, a chest of drawers and a double bed in it. We had a cosleeper cot wedged between the bed and the wall and it worked fine. I would have hated to have to keep getting up and goingnintona different room every time he woke - it was bad enough having to sit up!
I disagree with you Wincher - I don't think the solution for Bravelilbear is to sleep in a different room to the baby. I think the solution is for her to put her foot down and say that what will be happening is what is best for the baby, not him.
There is no monitor than can compensate for not being in the same room as another person. How much research has he done into SIDS, before he made this pronouncement?
Following on from what Foof said, one of the reasons I like the Bednest is the crib lifts off its base really easily, and can then be safely put on the floor. So, your baby can take their daytime naps in any room in the house, but in their familiar cot, absolutely minimal fuss. It really is excellent and I'm really glad to hear you're looking for one. We also got a Little Green Sheep mattress and I'm glad - I read that you should spend as much as you can on a tiny baby's mattress and that makes sense to me - but (hope you see this Librarina) you must air it out regularly or it will moulder - the bit of the Bednest it sits on is not particularly ventilated so the underside doesn't breathe well, iyswim.
Can I just add that when the big day arrives and you come home from hospital carrying a very very tiny little scrap of a person, I very much doubt that either you or your partner will be able to put them in any room other than your own. In fact I doubt either of you will sleep at all for the first night. You will be too busy listening to their breathing and worrying!
Speaking of which new-borns breathe in a really strange way. It freaked me out, as I had no idea. It's a loud, very fast puff-a-puff-a-puff.... then a sudden break (at which point you will leap out of bed in a panic), before they start up again.
3 months in here and there is no way I'm turfing dd out any time soon. It's perfectly possible to have (ahem) adult time with a baby asleep in the same room.
I haven't read whole thread so apologies if I am repeating what someone else says. Guidance by the Lullaby Trust in the prevention of SIDS says baby should sleep in same room as you for first six months. The belief is that your breathing helps the baby to regulate theirs. That is for all sleeps, naps in daytime and evening and night time. We were short on space too, so we did this. Daytime the baby slept in moses basket in front room or pram. The cot bed was too big for our room so we bought a crib (£25 ebay second hand) cleaned it jolly well and got a new mattress (£12 Amazon). The crib is smaller and slim and fits beside the bed like a moses basket. It is lightweight and moveable so I just move it into spare room in the daytime. Congratulations on being pregnant, good luck with everything and enjoy your new baby when they arrive.
6 months is definitely recommended. Look it up - there's a lot of stuff to read re the SIDS benefits.. Eg carbon monoxide etc. I can definitely recommend the Amby nest - lasted our DD until she was 10 months (we moved her into her own room in the end in it after 6 months) and she slept through from 8 weeks.
There was nothing more reassuring for me as a new mum to hear my baby girl deeply breathing while asleep in those early months. I miss it in fact, that lovely sound in the deep of the night, so contented!
p.s. re the cat, we had same issue with dogs. When we were TTC I started to get the dogs to sleep in the kitchen, rather than in our bed. That way they did not associate the arrival of baby with the new rules. I think however a cat is slightly easier and if you still want her in with you that is fine. You might find it hard to relax though as you will need to make sure she cant get in with baby...
upon return from hospital went straight to cot in own room,never slept with us
we were adjacent room had monitors
do what you feel comfy with
sameoldIggi I think you misread what Wincher said there...
TheFantastic your baby slept through from 8 weeks! tell me your secret
I really don't get the "I know about the guidelines but what about my marriage" comments.
It's 6 months. 6 months. That is not a lot of time in the great scheme of things, to do something that is proven to reduce the chance of your baby dying.
For the first month or so you're going to be bleeding, probably still a bit sore and hormonal anyway, so probably not up for a shag. And after that - babies sleep a lot and really have no awareness of their parents having sex in the same room. It's really not child abuse!
I'm the polar opposite of the "baby goes in own room from week one" folk, in that I merrily co-sleep with newborns Which I believe is also going against SIDS advice - So I really think at the end of the day, you have to do what suits your family. Yes read all the advice but you have to consider your own sleep (v important) and practical issues such as size of house, pets etc.
By the way OP, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your cat never enters your bedroom again, once he hears that first newborn wail you won't see him for dust
I don't know why you'd risk not following the guidelines. My DS slept in our room for 6 months and will do the same with the new baby. I couldn't take the risk of not doing that. It was a pain in the arse as DS was sensitive if I put the light on so I couldn't read in bed but big deal really!
oooh redandyellow get one of these I have one and can angle it so it casts virtually no light in the room
Ha rootypig - the Amby IS the secret! Honestly, it's bloody amazing.
I have a great, tactile, intimate relationship with my DH. But goodness, the last thing I fancied as sex for about 4 months or so post birth. Any man who respects you won't expect until you are ready either. And it's bloody 6 months! Only 6 months, for the safety of your baby. C'mon. It's surely a total non issue? There is SO much research to say it is the safest way for a baby to sleep. Please listen to it.
Foof, I didn't misread it but I certainly mistyped it!
Obviously Wincher was making a good suggestion, I was just angry that a soon-to-be-father thought he was in any position to put his foot down about where the baby sleeps, especially when the poster seemed upset about this.
I am looking at this Amby. what a contraption!
am defo going to try for DC2
if I ever get over DD not sleeping more than four hours in 7 months
Ooh that's worth a look rootypig it was the one thing I hated about sharing a room last time.
It's a thing of beauty! I love that thing nearly as much as DD!
yy me too redandyellow
Fantastic you are messing with me! <burns Bednest>
I'd like to believe that everyone above quoting guidance has never done anything not approved by a health professional. Before pregnancy, they have never smoked, never drunk alcohol, never eaten fried food, they have never fed their children anything but organic food purchased locally at a farmers market, never used cbeebies as a babysitter when feeling ill.... and therefore are being purely helpful and caring rather than patronising and self righteous. But I'm afraid I can't believe that, so in the meantime, back to the original question. The OP asked where baby should sleep. Of course, baby should sleep in the same room as you for the first sixth months. But in reality, what happens is that we read the guidance and we do our best! Nobody should ask more of you than that.
Slightly different risks and possible outcome though littlest...
Is eating organic food shown scientifically to have a link with reduction of death in babies? Or mothers eating fried food leading to infant mortality?
There's bollocks, and there's dangerous bollocks.
You follow the most important stuff, that has the biggest weight of evidence behind it. Not the same at all as doing everything every random hcp tells you.
I'm amazed my post has generated so much discussion, and thank everyone for their comments advice and feedback.
We will endeavour to keep baby in with us for as long as is feasible, but will react to the situation as it develops.
I take the SIDS research and advice seriously, but cant help but feel that the cut off of 6 months for baby sharing a room is fairly arbitrary, and that each family's situation will be different (as is evident from all the posts here).
In the absence of other risk factors, such as smoking, it is likely we will move baby into its own room earlier than six months, but we are not committing to any decision either way yet.
Secondly, the comments that the cat is unlikely to come near the baby are very reassuring and again we will address the issue as and when it arises.
I think when I originally posted I was in a bit of a hormone induced panic!
We do all just do our best and follow guidelines as much as we can. For example, SIDS guidelines say to breastfeed and use a dummy, which lots f people don't do incase of nipple confusion. I did that, and I had DS in with me for 6 months. But I had a thread this week about whether to buy a new cot bed mattress for DC2 (due today) and decided not to, although I have bought a new moses basket.
Wincher and sameold it's a tricky situation. He's had a baby before and thinks that a) this one will be the same (ie a miraculously good sleeper) and b) that it doesn't matter how tired I get, he's the one who has to get up for work and drive 50 miles on little sleep.
So, we'll have to play it by ear. I had read that one of the benefits of having baby in room is that they learn to sleep in conditions that aren't perfectly silent and perfectly dark, but the bit about them regulating their breathing was a new one to me.
If I can get DP to keep coming to the antenatal classes (he's trying to avoid them because he found the first two 'boring') I will make sure we get straight answers to some of these questions - he may be more swayed by 'authority' than by me...
Brave just send him some of the SIDS links that have been posted here. Sleeping in the same room significantly reduces the risks and not because you stay awake keeping an eye on the baby, but simply because you are there. Having baby in another room with a monitor, even the breathing sensor one, does not offer the same benefit.
If your DH really can't share the room with the baby, he should be the one sleeping in another room. I agree though that baby crying in another room, you getting up and later getting back to bed, several times per night, is more likely to disturb him than sharing the room.
Will do Hazle - am hoping the reality will kick in and he'll come to his
sleep-deprived senses in due course...
Littlest it's about relative risk and motivation for me. Letting a toddler watch a bit of CBeebies does not increase his risk of dying. Nor does giving him a non-organic carrot.
If a baby has to move out of the parents' room because the cot won't physically fit in, of course there's no alternative (it might be possible to sleep on an air bed in the baby's room for a while, it might not). If baby is being moved out purely because parents don't want him/her in with them- that to me is a bit silly. None of us are perfect parents, and everyone does things against guidelines from time to time. But if you can physically keep baby in with you, it is a relatively easy and straightforward way to further cut the sids risk. Deciding not to bother seems odd to me, regardless of whether or not you also had the odd glass of wine in pregnancy.
I'm putting my baby in it's own room from Day One on it's own.
Will have a monitor etc. According to Gina Ford that's fine.
JoJo, the monitor makes no difference. It's not you hearing baby that's important. It's baby hearing you. They hear their parents' breathing and it helps them regulate their own. Noises made by parents also stop babies from having prolonged periods of very deep sleep, which again is dangerous as that's when they're more likely to "forget" to breathe (it's such a new reflex that it needs time to mature). It's thought that overheating is dangerous for this same reason, that babies that are too hot tend to just fall into a deep sleep.
Your baby, your choice, but I would caution against Gina Ford. She has no medical qualifications and her "advice" goes directly against the medical professionals who dedicate their careers to finding causes of SIDS and trying to reduce risk. She also gives incredibly bad and outdated breastfeeding advice and encourages new parents to leave a distressed baby to cry if it's not time in the "routine" for it to be cuddled. Honestly, you're really better off without her.
Well if gina ford says so!
own room since birth under our own volition
not influenced by an author
was always the plan
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