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"Being made a fuss of" - does this actually happen...?

(53 Posts)
somanystripes Wed 22-May-13 17:00:45

I am clearly in a angry mood this afternoon, but I'm getting on for 18 weeks and still feeling pretty rough, TBH. Every time I read about/talk to anyone about pregnancy sickness/feeling crap the advice seems to be 'just let your DH/family/friends make a fuss of you' and 'just let people do things for you so you can rest'.

Does this actually happen in RL? I'm expecting DC2, DH and I both work full time, and while friends and family are pleased we're having another baby I don't think it's really featuring that high on their radar at the moment, so I'm certainly not being 'made a fuss of' (even - or especially - by DH!) and don't expect to be ffs. My DD is a toddler so not really many opportunities to rest and I'm not going to ask people to put themselves out so I can have a nap!

Is everyone else really being treated like porcelain and getting people cooing and fussing over their expanding stomach, and being tucked up in bed with a cold flannel on their brow? Am I really just a envy cow if they are?

Fuckwittery Wed 22-May-13 17:04:00

Not in this house either.

Yonionekanobe Wed 22-May-13 17:07:04

Nope and I'm not sure it happened with DD either

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 22-May-13 17:09:38

Well DH made a fuss of me when he could, took our toddler out on his own at the weekends so that I could sleep and rest. And if we were staying with my parents then they helped out with DS1 so that I could get a bit of a break.

When I was pregnant with our eldest DH did made a huge fuss of me. We had only just got married and we were on cloud nine for the whole pregnancy smile

shellandkai Wed 22-May-13 17:10:27

I'm on my 2nd too I know exactly how you feel, lol x

NeedSomeSun142 Wed 22-May-13 17:11:53

I was made a fuss of in the beginning, then think I milked it too much as he got fed up wish I'd of saved my whining til now hehe

Guntie Wed 22-May-13 17:15:45

I am pregnant with my first and i've been made a huge fuss of... blush I feel very lucky and really appreciate it. I am not sure it would be possible with subsequent pregnancies but I will always remember how kind my DH and family were to me this time..

it happens if you make it happen.

I made sure that i threw (hauled) myself onto the settee when i got home from work, grabbed the remote first and gave DH instructions before falling asleep.
i would be woken by a big plate of food.
grin

badguider Wed 22-May-13 17:21:36

I'm not being treated like porcelain and wouldn't want to be but I am taking naps when I need them and taking responsibility for looking after my own health. DH has always done more cooking than me but he now does pretty much all of it.

If you need a nap and there's another adult in the house with your DD then just go and take that nap.

Between weeks 9 and 18 roughly I would get migraines and puke if I didn't get enough sleep so it's not really an option to 'not put people out' as a migraine results in around 12-24hrs in bed and missed work so a 1hr nap is a minor inconvenience to avoid that.

drawohamme Wed 22-May-13 17:53:19

I've been made a big fuss of, bit worried how ill cope being treated like normal again ;s

Kelly1814 Wed 22-May-13 18:00:30

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, working 12 hour days, and my work don't know, so safe to say no fuss being made of me.

I actually like it this way, am dreading everyone knowing and the inevitable constant barrage of comments and judgements. I do not want to talk about being pregnant non stop!

I ony told my mum and dad this week and already the constant stream of questions is driving me mad!

SeriousStuff Wed 22-May-13 18:06:34

I have to keep reminding DH that I'm pg! We're in the middle of moving house and sometimes I just get on with packing, cleaning etc. without thinking about the strain I must be putting on myself but have been quite exhausted and had to tell my DH in the end to keep an eye on me as I'm sure I shouldn't be doing this much. Don't get me working, he's a great husband, but being pg doesn't mean different treatment!

I've been staying with my parents until I move in, while he's already in the new house and my parents have been very attentive. My dad worries about me taking the dog for a walk and my mum always needs to make sure I'm eating ok.

StuckOnARollercoaster Wed 22-May-13 18:39:18

Nothing here that feels like the statement 'being made a fuss of', but I am taking things slow and not in a hurry to do housework. I do feel that DP has stepped up - done more cooking and cleaning, but without it feeling like a drama.
I am lucky that I don't have any bad pregnancy symptoms like some women get, and suspect that if I did and asked for more help I'd get it - but I would need to ask for specific actions as DP and family wouldn't automatically know what I need or what I would appreciate them doing.
Don't worry about the moodiness - that is a typical symptom - and maybe if you can be specific it will get your folks rallying round you a little more...

Ezza1 Wed 22-May-13 18:44:40

"Does this actually happen in RL?"

NO IT SODDING DOESN'T angry

<23 weeks with number 4. Hacked off to the max. Apologies for shouting. ..>

DH made a fuss for the first 4 weeks then back to normal.

I'm 30 weeks now and he threw put the dog on the bed this morning right on my bump (by accident). When i said it hurt he said "its not that bad, you'll be fine' and went to get a shower... Ripped him a new one when he got out smile gotta love a bit of pregnarage!
To be fair to him he didn't realise he'd put the dog on the bump as I was under the duvet, but it bloody hurt!

Lj8893 Wed 22-May-13 18:50:05

I'm pregnant with my first and dp is being very supportive and happy etc but I wouldn't say he's making a fuss over me.

My mum however is loving the fact she can make a huge fuss over me, I don't see her very often (normally once a month ish but now its more like once a fortnight) and every time I see her she buys me maternity clothes, anything i need or she decides I need, takes me out for dinner/ lunch and just generally makes a big fuss. (I don't expect any of it and am very very grateful to her)

But I know that will soon stop when there is someone much smaller and yummier to make a big fuss over instead haha!

SourSweets Wed 22-May-13 18:58:47

I have a similar thread going on right now. No fussing being done here (apart from the guilt-inducing but delicious homemade popcorn I've just been handed). But no, in my experience it does not happen.

notsoold Wed 22-May-13 19:06:24

Not in my household. The only concession is that dh and ds will bring the shopping from the car....
They are oblivious to anything help that I might need.
My dog is the only one treating me differently....smile

With pfb and dd2 yes, with dd3 &4 no unfortunetly, no one can be bothered once the novelty has worn offconfused
Now expectant with dc5, i don't expect anything less than being treated like an unpregnant womanenvy

NeedSomeSun142 Wed 22-May-13 19:25:23

Think it happens more with first child, after that no1 gives a shit

forevergreek Wed 22-May-13 19:27:38

I have to say yes.

Dh treated me like I was going to give birth any day from about week 4! X2 pregnancies. I only cooked basics, cleaner was promptly hired, dh insisting I didn't make bed or get within a mile from a cleaning sponge. Once bump appeared he used to sing to baby!!

But tbh he's always been similar anyway.

gertrudestein Wed 22-May-13 19:51:58

No! You can't 'let'' anyone make a fuss. You have to make them ...

SeriousStuff Wed 22-May-13 21:18:14

I'm glad I'm not the only one! Sat here at home, hoping for some attention I was imagining everyone else out there with their feet up, their dh feeding them grapes...

Teaandflapjacks Wed 22-May-13 22:13:20

Sometimes... my DH works away mon to thurs most weeks so I just have to get on with it, including walking dog 4 times a day with 6 lots of stairs up and down to apartment - 29 weeks now. When he gets back he alternates between treating me like china and thinking i have the constitution and strength of an Ox. But I have found some people can be terribly kind - like today I had finished the supermarket shop and was waiting at the customer service desk for something, this very sweet lady in front insisted I go first because of my bump. I got a bit teary because this is in Germany and honestly people never do things like that here. I don't know why but the kindness of random strangers always touches me - preggers or not.

DIYandEatCake Wed 22-May-13 22:55:48

Ha! I wish!

rrreow Thu 23-May-13 12:08:39

Big fat noooooope. DH will do stuff if I ask for it so I can't complain really. But none of the unasked/spontaneous "Oh you put your feet up, let me do that"

crazyhead Thu 23-May-13 12:11:36

My darling OH does bring me meals in bed all the time etc. But I think with a second child, there is just limited space for getting fussed over...

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Thu 23-May-13 12:12:30

Not with no 2 no

Myliferocks Thu 23-May-13 12:15:05

I could think of nothing worse than being made a fuss of throughout any of my 5 pregnancies but that's just how I am.

I'm on dc3 and dp did everything round the house pkus seen to the kids mist if the time right up until 26 weeks - 16/17 weeks of sickness, constant tiredness, mood swings, nausea, thrush, urine infection and last but not least suspected pre eclampsia right up till 26 weeks meant i got to lay about and moan all day.

Now i'm 28 weeks i finally feel a bit more 'me' poor dp keeps looking at me funny when he sees me doing house work grin

Everyone else is not too excited but ds is only 18 months so i wouldn't expect much really smile

FoofFighter Thu 23-May-13 12:56:46

Not at all. In fact it's even gone the other way! "you're pregnant not ill" angry

oh, i fucking hate that phrase Foof - makes me want to stab!

I might not be ILL, but my body is going through some FUCKING serious stuff! I need to be protected and helped and supported!

(and it's always someone who had to carry on as normal who tells you that. just because no one supported you, doesn't mean that i shouldn't be!)

FoofFighter Thu 23-May-13 13:37:25

Exactly.

he's too busy whinging about his own little aches and pains, I mention one of mine and it's all oh but you are supposed to you are pregnant, mine is actually real...

angry

Holly1977 Thu 23-May-13 13:38:38

People are asking how I am more than normal and not letting me do really heavy lifting etc (major DIY project going on at home) but that's it really. I do keep trying the old "baby wants a kit kat" line on DP but he just replies with "baby wants you to get it yourself". I'm only 10 weeks though and do hope I'll be able to milk it more get more help later on!

Ratata Thu 23-May-13 13:39:43

Me and DH used to split the chores before I was pregnant, I would do most of the cooking and he would do the cleaning. Both tidy up etc. Now I do pretty much nothing! He's taken over all cooking and chores and makes sure I don't lift anything remotely heavy. Emotionally he's always been supportive of me but I've needed him even more that way in pregnancy as I'm pretty emotional. I do feel lucky and grateful and think everyone should be made a fuss of and taken care of in pregnancy smile

Uch i get the pregnant not ill rubbish from my bil because my sister is a freaking martyr who does every little thing just so she can moan bil Never helps confused i asked her a few weeks ago why did she not leave the kids with bil and have a kip - she said she felt guilty 'dumping' them on him hmm they are his kids too! Martyr i tell you.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Thu 23-May-13 14:06:35

DH does look after me, bless him. I wouldn't exactly say I'm being made a fuss of (currently ridiculously pregnant with DC2) but he won't see me struggle, IYSWIM. He isn't usually the overprotective type thankfully as that would usually drive me potty but a great big bump does seem to bring it out in him!

TwoTearsInABucket Thu 23-May-13 14:15:04

DH suggested that my nausea came on just about when it was time to do dinner for DS and DD, do bath and bedtime. Perhaps on purpose. angry
He forgot that with DS I had evening sickness rather than morning sickness.
He does do stuff if I ask, like clean the bathroom because the smell of the cleaning stuff made me heave.
nausea is getting better at 14 weeks, which means I will be cleaning the bathroom again. DH just doesn't notice a dirty bathroom. But he does notice everything else hmm
Before I had children I used to think "you're pregnant, not ill". And then I got pregnant... I don't think like that any more. I was a bit of a twat.

LittlePeaPod Thu 23-May-13 14:27:47

I am pregnant with our first (following mc) and I have to admit my DF is making a huge fuss of me.. blush First trimester and feel like crap and his doing everything for me even though we both work full time... Probably wont happen with our second though.

Sorry to hear you feeling pants Op.... flowers

RJM17 Thu 23-May-13 18:07:29

Nope mine is dc1 and I'm working, going to college and still doing the same stuff at home.
Even been told I'm pregnant not ill and that there is no reason not to carry on as normal. It's just people being dramatic apparently!!

So no I don't think it ever happens x

woollysocksaresexy Fri 24-May-13 09:16:13

A fuss? Don't be ridiculous! I so wish they would though, I feel like I desperately need to be made a fuss of. I'm 11 weeks, been as sick as a dog and have lost a lot of weight. I nearly cried when my monster of a boss last week came back to work after a few weeks off and was visibly shocked at how much weight I had lost and how ill I was looking (I was having a bad day that day), just after I had come back from the loo from being sick for may be the 6th time that morning! She is normally the least sympathetic person in the world and is of the opinion that pregnant staff who take time off cos of illness in pregnancy are a bunch of skivers. She has been lovely and wrapped me in cotton wool since then, I could have hugged her as no-one else has shown me much sympathy at all. Mum is of the opinion I'm having it easy compared with her and dh is fed up of the whole subject. The fact that I'm not exactly thrilled to bits with it...! Sigh... So different from what my friends led me to believe!

TwoTears - if he doesn't notice a dirty bathroom then why are you cleaning it?
just clean the bog and the sink and leave it.
he can hoover it (when he hoovers the rest of the house - hoover is too heavy for a pregnant woman to be moving around).

aw, socks glad your boss has got a softer side.

you need to eat more to make up for what you're puking (easier said than done!)

elliejjtiny Fri 24-May-13 13:47:17

Not in this house. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with DC4 but measuring 42 weeks due to polyhydramnios. I've never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. The HV asked me if I was having a nap in the day and I laughed because I thought she was joking!

BabyHMummy Fri 24-May-13 15:13:49

My dp has been amazing, does anything I ask, volunteers to do dinner, walk dog, run me a bath etc so I can rest. I have been sick as a parrot since day 1 & still feel like I am gonna puke all day and am almost 28 weeks.

Work were hideous when I went back, but work in food environment so not best place when the sight and smell makes me heave! I am signed off for rest of pg due to other health issues, but family etc have been great. When dp is on night's and I feel crap my df comes down to walk the dog etc

TwoTearsInABucket Fri 24-May-13 17:25:39

unique - that's pretty much all I do in the bathroom!
He's been away for a week and I know he will mention that I haven't done any hoovering. I feel grumpy already.
woolly hope you feel better soon. In fact I hope everyone feels better soon grin

somanystripes Fri 24-May-13 17:47:57

Soooo, it's not just me then!

Glad some of you are getting fussed over and looked after - milk it for all it's worth I say wink

I think if I'm totally honest I am at the point where I'd like to have a few allowances made, whatever my OP protested! I'm knackered, still feel crap and I'm fed up with the 'just get on with it' attitude from DH. A couple of other friends are preggers with DC2 too and it makes me a bit sad/jealous/irrationally annoyed by the contrast that their DHs can't do enough for them.

Like some of you suggested perhaps I do need to ask for more (or just moan more about how crap I feel to get the point across!). DH does do stuff if I ask him but it's always slightly under sufferance, which upsets me as there's just such a lack of 'romance' around this pregnancy for him it seems, if that makes sense.

In terms of asking other people to help out I guess I do have a problem with it as I feel I should be able to manage it all (and I'd rather call in the favours when I have two under two on my hands...grin)

mumoftwoboysS Fri 24-May-13 20:55:31

Pregnant with DC3 and the novelty has definitely worn off!! Was made a fuss of with DC1, a bit with DC2 and hardly bloody any with this one! My mum cried when I told her I was pg with DC1, this time I didn't even get a hug??!!

NeedSomeSun lol! that about sums it up!

but to be fair DH always looks after me, bless him and I guess that's all that matters smile

Stixswhichtwizzle Fri 24-May-13 22:44:26

Nope. Never experienced 'being made a fuss of' thing. In fact some mean members of my family spouted 'pregnancy is not an illness' at me when I declined a dinner invite at term+11! I went into labour that day too.

Chunderella Sat 25-May-13 22:18:48

I did. But then we only have one DC, and DH and I were living with my parents during the pregnancy. So it would've been a piss poor turn of events if I hadn't been looked after! If we have any more, I'd be half tempted to move back in. Or go to DHs parents and let them have a turn. His mother is very good at fussing and spoiling.

And yes, the 'pregnancy is not a disease' thing is a bag of shit. Being shot in the head or having your leg fall off isn't a disease either, but you can bet your bumhole nobody would tell someone experiencing either of those to get on with things and stop complaining.

PseudoBadger Sat 25-May-13 23:22:43

We (DP and 2 year old DS) live with my parents. I'm 20 weeks today and all I get is competitive tiredness from DP and my mum, and my dad is completely oblivious.
I'd love a nap during the day <sobs> and I've also experienced a midwife just assuming I'm getting plenty of rest etc.

Fuckwittery Sun 26-May-13 05:50:14

Certainly not by train companies or most fellow commuters judging by the massive thread in AIBU....

HopefullA Mon 27-May-13 13:20:06

Not in my house - im still cooking, cleaning, laundry and working full time and walking dogs at 6am too.....

I have to nag for a cuppa decaf tea in the night and he doesnt do washing up or anyting.

So nope, not yet. Im nearly 16weeks and startgin to get a bump which is noticable- waiting for a bigger one where i can play up on it otherwise nope, nothing.....
sad

Going to my inlaws in India this weekend - normally i hate it but am actually hoping to be fussed over by the maid and the inlaws.... imagine...

My mom is not due to visit til im ready to pop and i really want her to fuss over me now... sad

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