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You know your in the final weeks when....

(95 Posts)
cupcake78 Mon 20-May-13 10:50:00

You find yourself cleaning out the fridge sat on a birthing ball grin

Walking round the supermarket you merrily fart away because there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

Every hour you scale Mount Everest (the stairs) to go to the loo expecting satisfaction when all you manage is an unsatisfactory drop but just enough for baby to push on your bladder even more than before.

TinkyPeet Mon 20-May-13 10:53:38

-trying to wrench little feet out from your ribcage!

Dillydollydaydream Mon 20-May-13 10:55:19

You can no longer see past your bump to shave your bikini area blush

oscarwilde Mon 20-May-13 10:55:53

Nothing, absolutely nothing "fits" and I use the term loosely except DH clothes and yoga/jogging bottoms

KookyKitty Mon 20-May-13 10:56:27

Your shopping list consists of pineapple, raspberry leaf tea and any other bizarre and unlikely thing that has the slightest possibility of starting things off!

cupcake78 Mon 20-May-13 10:59:17

You have a memory but cant remember how to use it or what it is!

Damn I forgot raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil while farting round the supermarket!

mildred37 Mon 20-May-13 11:11:52

You are up every hour in the night for the tiniest drop of wee, despite feeling like you've got a few litres in your bladder.

Bunnychan Mon 20-May-13 11:17:11

You're hoping the pains get stronger and more frequent.
You're scared to go more than 5 minutes away from home.
You are actually annoyed by people asking 'when is it due?'

ButteryJam Mon 20-May-13 12:06:15

Every morning you wake up thinking you may go into labour
You are willing to try anything to get labour started
You get annoyed when people ask you when's the baby coming
You actually look forward to getting contractions

megarobotdiscoparty Mon 20-May-13 12:30:49

you complain when it hurts....but when it stops hurting you REALLY start complaining.

rrreow Mon 20-May-13 14:52:46

Having trouble doing the dishes because I'm so far away from the sink. Also couldn't reach the phone on my desk earlier as it was too far back....

shelly81 Mon 20-May-13 15:01:58

Your mobile is going every 5 minutes with “have you had her yet?”. Ridiculous texts ... [Grin]

AllThatJazzAgain Mon 20-May-13 15:05:59

Loving this thread, at 38 and half weeks pregnant this all describes me to a tea!
Plus the constant checking every time I go to the bathroom for show etc!

eltsihT Mon 20-May-13 16:47:32

When people ask how you are,you respond with still pregnant.

forgetmenots Mon 20-May-13 17:04:41

Every twinge has you looking for your hospital bag
Checking loo roll for a show every time
Thinking about every invitation, not only now in 'access to toilets' but in 'miles from hospital'.
Panicking if you forget to take your notes out
Swelling like an old lady
Skin and libido of a teenager (maybe this is just me!)

gertrudestein Mon 20-May-13 17:10:42

YY to eltsihT!

kotinka Mon 20-May-13 17:15:36

you start eating pineapple curry smile

bowlingforsoup Mon 20-May-13 17:20:55

Im only 35 weeks but I struggle to get off the sofa, eat ice lollies for breakfast (nobody can tell me not to wink) have issues walking up the stairs every half hour for a wee when a tiny amount comes out and i dont feel relieved at all, I cry at anything and everything, I feel like the back end of a bus and struggle to sleep at night.

I can't wait until this baby is born.

Jojobump1986 Mon 20-May-13 17:34:45

You want to cry/shout at your sister expecting you to drive over an hour for her 2yo's birthday party less than a week before due date. (Just got the text: "Can you let me know that you will be able to come so I can confirm numbers." WIBU to reply "No I $&@% won't be able to come", given that she couldn't even be bothered to come see us when DS1 was born?!)

You want to cry/shout at anyone expecting you to do anything that either involves standing up or sitting down for any length of time.

You want to cry/shout for absolutely no reason.

You have to pause every time you stand up to get over the clunk as gravity drags the baby back into your pelvis.

Your hips/back/pelvis hurts if you sit still or lay down or move.

You've suddenly gone off the idea of having 4 children & 2 is the perfect number...

Every time you make plans you're secretly hoping you won't be able to make it.

If one more person has their baby before you, you might actually steal it until your baby arrives...! envy blush

CuppaSarah Mon 20-May-13 18:26:16

You want to throttle anyone who dares complain about how they feel within earshot.

People ask 'are you ok?' every time you stop to catch your breath, with a look of fear incase you're actually in labour.

Every braxton is the real thing.

The only thing that cheers you up, is when your less pregnant friends tlk about how tired and horrible they feel. Becuase you quietly feel smug knowing their time will come soon.

Jojobump1986 Mon 20-May-13 18:48:00

You contemplate actual violence when your DH comes home & complains that he got 'a bit stressed' today. Yeah, well I can hardly walk & nearly crippled myself making your dinner for you. Forgive me if I can't locate my tiny violin for you right now! <Rage, rage, rage> angry

fruitypie Mon 20-May-13 19:14:11

I'm only 33+2 abd reading these has actually made me howl with laughter....u thought i was struggling now...obviously i have a lot more to come

Bunnychan Mon 20-May-13 19:19:59

You 'eat your feelings' then wash it down with gaviscon x

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Mon 20-May-13 19:29:04

you grow a fabulously glamorous triple chin through water retention (this was the final straw for me).

forgetmenots Mon 20-May-13 19:32:25

Yy bunnychan smile

You never have bad breath even first thing in the morning as you've been up all night crunching indigestion tablets

Turning over in bed is equivalent to an eight-point-turn and should require a test

Jojobump1986 Mon 20-May-13 20:08:22

I'm a bit scared I'm actually going to give birth to a giant Rennie. Maybe that's what we should name him! grin

forgetmenots Mon 20-May-13 20:16:46

If this was baby names, you'd get 'Sounds a bit surnamey/chavvy Jojo. I prefer Zantac.' grin

LoganMummy Mon 20-May-13 22:56:16

I agree with every single one of these! grin

38 weeks and cannot wait for this baby to arrive!

MrsMargoLeadbetter Mon 20-May-13 23:48:57

You struggle to care about anything. Diginity, self-respect and what others might think no longer matter.

You bounce vigriously on the birthing ball imagining "popping" your waters to get things going...

lollypopsicle Tue 21-May-13 00:01:26

When even the clary sage oil you're sniffing in desperation gives you heart burn confused

Livingwithmymother Tue 21-May-13 00:30:37

You have a very special relationship with the bath tub.

DXBMermaid Tue 21-May-13 00:41:08

YY to all of these!

When you get used to the feeling of your cankles

When you want labour to get started but are shit scared of it actually happening

When you are still awake at 03.30 in the morning

When you stop trying to get to your mobile in time as you know you won't make it before voicemail kicks in

When you want to punch people that tell you to be careful when sitting down or getting up

kotinka Tue 21-May-13 00:59:17

swallowing seamen seems an attractive option grin

mildred37 Tue 21-May-13 01:19:37

You're on mumsnet at 1.30am because you can't sleep grin

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 04:44:41

Yy, and at 4.45am! smile

Steffanoid Tue 21-May-13 05:50:05

yy to all of these, they've cheered me upsmile

most definitely to the knicker checking, even more than when I got that bfp, im convinced everything I pee my waters are going to break!

- having an old lady pull over in her car in the car park to make sure you're ok cause you're in loads of pain and dp is trying the back massage techniques

- panicking at least once a day that the hospital bags and your notes are going to have miraculously moved and got lost out of the locked car boot.

- bring able to open a shop with the amount of snacks and sweets in the cupboard, they make very good lunches!

im ready for this lo to make an arrival now, eviction notice has been served

cupcake78 Tue 21-May-13 06:49:34

Exactly! Your all so right gringringrin

I lost count if the number of '8 point turns' last night.

Woke up with the rain to find myself freaking out because dh and I had watched The Fall before bed. Normally something that wouldn't bother me but the serial killer in the night weirdness and hormones worked wonders.

Spent all day yesterday batch cooking, baking and cleaning and then from 6pm I was unable to move. Hips and legs had just stopped working.

megarobotdiscoparty Tue 21-May-13 06:58:37

I keep chasing the cats round the house trying to cuddle them. I just want to cuddle SOMETHING cute....if it can't be my baby then you cats had better stay goddamn still while I squeeze you!

Jojobump1986 Tue 21-May-13 08:02:53

You would've been on MN at 1.30, 3.30 & 5.30 but the mere thought of another 8-point-turn to reach your phone was too painful so you just lay still & sulked by yourself! sad

You're actually looking forward to sending your PFB to his DGP for just 24 hours & have every intention of either being in the bath or in bed for the entire time.

You feel like a terrible mother for wanting your PFB to go away! blush

SmokeyEyes Tue 21-May-13 12:41:45

At 39 + 4, these post have cheered me up no end. Just laughed out loud in the street smile

Bunnylion Tue 21-May-13 14:33:34

megarobotdiscoparty I lol'ed at that one grin

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 14:34:58

Having lovely shaven/waxed legs actually feels like someone has stolen some of your leg!! ...this finding yourself scowling at people in the playground thinking 'its you, you stole my leg didn't you!' .....yep, it happens....

dizzy77 Tue 21-May-13 14:41:02

8 point turns! Yes! SPD stiffness at 38 wkd means that every night there is a new pillow/rolled up towel involved in reaching a new "comfortable" (ha!) position. One of those dribble toilet trips takes serious consideration due to the logistical effort.

Checking the clock at any "tightening" in case it's the start of something more regular. And now, laying on the sofa on MN rather than tidying my toddlers' toys/crumbs before a friend visits in 20 mins. The dishwasher needs unloading (and my lunch stuff needs putting away) but for once I'm prioritising feet-up time.

Bunnychan Tue 21-May-13 14:52:27

Having afternoon naps and waking up drowning in your own dribble. Lovely!

DXBMermaid Tue 21-May-13 15:27:00

Bunny yes that happens to me too!! Woke with a wet pillow and was almost choking on my own dribble.

LOVE the 8 point turn analogy! I'm supposed to DTD tonight, but am completely unsure about how we're going to manage.

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 15:29:07

Oh my gosh I'm a dribbler too. Woke up with strings of it connecting me and my pillow this morning... Attractive. And it smelled of gaviscon.

mildred37 Tue 21-May-13 15:38:39

Oh god the dribble....it's such a glamorous time of life.

And the trumps, especially in the mornings...not known anything like it before! blush

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 15:43:14

Mine have all been coming up the other way Mildred. They smell of gaviscon too.

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 15:44:32

Actual LOL at tinkypeet. Same applies for the now invisible bikini line - had a wax and was a bit 'who swapped my fanjo and why is it so cold?' grin

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 15:47:11

Haha, I can't even see my fanjo so god only knows what state that is in, have you tried to actually see it?? I was trying to pull my bump to side and bend my neck around it to see but looks like I'm gonna have to purchase a small mirror!

Miggs28 Tue 21-May-13 15:51:08

YY to all of the above!! grin

Having your DSis come over specifically to shave your legs for you as you weren't brave enough to let DH at them!

looking like a bag lady as nothing fits properly anymore other than maternity leggings and DH's jumpers

Realising that you haven't actually looked in a mirror/used makeup/hair brush today and that you are officially beyond caring!!

DH is now in the habit of making his way round the house when he gets home from work and picking up everything that you dropped during the day that got left where it fell!!

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 15:59:09

Full length mirror only tinkypeet. God knows what state the poor beautician found it in, must have been like road kill. grin

forgetmenots Tue 21-May-13 16:02:09

Miggy I'm a bit 50/50 on those - yy to the dressing like a hobo, but I've found weirdly I've been piling the slap on, partly because my skin has gone mental and also I think to make myself feel better - result is I look like one of those weird old ladies with mismatched clothes and clown makeup.

God my DH has picked a winner - gaviscon burping, dribbling, painted lady with a road kill fanjo. My libido is through the ceiling but it's no surprise he is a bit 'tired' sometimes grin

Jojobump1986 Tue 21-May-13 16:02:19

Yy to that last one Miggs! I froze stewed fruit in ice cube trays to add to DS's yoghurt & in the process of removing the frozen cubes from the tray I managed to ping one onto the floor. DH was putting DS to bed at the time so I shouted up the stairs that there was rhubarb on the floor. His response: "OK, I'll sort it out when I come down." grin Totally normal occurrence in our house now! I've even got 18mo DS trained to pick things up if I drop them! blush He can regularly be heard saying a random combination of 'Mammy', 'floor', 'down', 'fall', 'uh-oh', 'bump' & 'up please'! grin

TigerSwallowTail Tue 21-May-13 16:03:56

I'm 39+6 and have really needed this thread today to cheer me up grin

You go into your wardrobe just to look at all your pre-pregnancy clothes and reminisce.

Pineapples become a staple diet.

You need to clean up the chaos that you've gradually caused in the kitchen throughout the day because you can't stop eating, but you sprawl out on the couch instead with crisps... and then get stuck...

Steffanoid Tue 21-May-13 16:22:44

there's nothing left in your DVD collection or sky box that hasn't been watched to death because of pgp/spd and swollen feet you manage to go from the bed to the sofa and thats excercise done for the day.

you can't remember when you last wore socks because it took about 10 minutes just to get one on.

everything is strategically placed around the bed ie phone, drink and gaviscon so you can reach in the night

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 16:29:09

My DH used to say 'enjoy your bath love'
Now he just says 'bang on the floor if you get stuck'
Lol

AbiElizabeth Tue 21-May-13 17:00:59

"bang on the floor if you get stuck" That made me giggle tinkypeet

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Tue 21-May-13 17:49:06

Might be TMI but anyone else struggling to reach to wipe after a number 2? Depends what position baby is in but this is regularly becoming quite a feat! blush

dizzy77 Tue 21-May-13 19:56:43

Indecisive yes! I started a thread on similar last pg and discovered there are two camps: those who reach behind (who couldn't understand the problem) and those who reached round the front!

I have found a sample pack of moist tissues and have started reaching round the other way to have a quick "polish" and find this helps me feel more, we, fresh. Another one they don't put on the "what to expect" guides...

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 20:45:40

Definately toilet wipes! Makes the job so much easier, I get the apple scented toddler wipes from tesco as they're 70p as opposed to £3 for Andrex ones!

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Tue 21-May-13 20:46:56

I can't reach from behind at all! Can't work out if it's because I have abnormally short arms or just a fat arse grin v relieved to hear it's not just me! Have been thinking this would be the only time a bidet would come in useful wink

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Tue 21-May-13 20:47:46

Is it ok to flush these wipes?

kotinka Tue 21-May-13 20:56:38

wrap in bog roll and bin if they're normal wetties but the moist toilet tissue ones can be flushed,

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 21:02:31

Yes any of the 'moist toilet wipes' or potty training wipes are flushable, but don't flush baby wipes!

peskyginge Tue 21-May-13 21:02:56

I love this!!! Cankles, waddling and feeling like a stranded hippo every time I roll over at night!! And def getting myself some wipes!! smile

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 21:06:00

Pesky I think you might be me! I'm actually gonna turn into a duck one of these days with the waddling! Cankles, well, suprised they can even be called that! And dh refers to me as a turtle stuck on its back whilst trying to roll over, at which time he just laughs at me. Twat.

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Tue 21-May-13 21:06:17

Yep on a moist wipe mission tmw thanks ladies! grin

SixPackWellies Tue 21-May-13 21:06:44

when random strangers smile at you in the street as you waddle to get your shopping and say 'Good luck'.

SixPackWellies Tue 21-May-13 21:08:20

I fell onto my back on the bed putting on socks when 40 weeks with DC1 and got stuck. I waved my arms around bleating 'help. help' while 'D'H pissed himself.

TinkyPeet Tue 21-May-13 21:15:07

Ppaaahahaha I can just see that!!

kittencuddles Wed 22-May-13 09:23:57

This thread has cheered me up!!

I'm 39 weeks and some of my favourite moments have been:

Checkout lady saying at the weekend- are you sure you should be out dear?

My dear MIL saying- I can't wait for this baby to be born, am sure you're excited but I just can't wait any more! (I answered this v sarcastically).

My dad saying- you've probably got another three weeks yet. Which resulted in me bursting into uncontrollable sobs.

Being irrationally annoyed at DH but missing him madly whrn he's not here.

Finding myself cleaning the freezer instead of cooking dinner as I got distracted!!

kotinka Wed 22-May-13 09:27:57

I'm expecting to have things thrown at me for saying this, but my last one was induced at almost 43 weeks! grin despite pineapples, rlt, sex etc. hope it's nearer the 40 mark for all of you

Dillydollydaydream Wed 22-May-13 10:09:55

Fingers in ears lalala
Can't hear you kotinka grin

kotinka Wed 22-May-13 10:10:18

grin dilly

SixPackWellies Wed 22-May-13 10:22:19

kotinka DC2 was about 10 days overdue. It used to amuse me immensely in shops when people would ask me when I was due and watch them go white when I replied 'Two weeks ago'.

(Mind you, now when people ask me when the baby will be born I have to reply 'three years ago' sad ) [goes off to re-join weighttwatchers.]

Steffanoid Wed 22-May-13 10:28:44

I have had q checkout lady point and go how manys in there? how long left? granted bubs is way above tge 90%ile but this was at about 32 weeks hmm

DXBMermaid Wed 22-May-13 10:36:51

When people stop asking how you are and only ask how the baby is doing.

When you get incredibly horny but the physical logistics of having sex start to outweigh your needs

When you call the dog over so you can lean on him to pick things up off the floor

joanna1990marie Wed 22-May-13 10:43:47

Finding out you are an annoying parent when you need to poke your unborn baby to wake her up at 3 in the morning because she hasn't moved in the first 5 mins, swift kick in the ribs definitely deserved....sorry baby x

Jojobump1986 Wed 22-May-13 12:22:43

You have really strong cravings but the thought of walking the 2 minutes to the shop is too painful so you end up sitting on the sofa just imagining how yummy a turkey sub & milkshake would be! sad

WandaDoff Wed 22-May-13 12:28:21

You get stuck in the bath.

IndecisivePramBuyer81 Wed 22-May-13 19:09:53

You need to put in careful consideration before choosing a comfy looking seat as chances are you won't be able to get out of it again! Have fallen for this a few times this week!

Bunnychan Wed 22-May-13 19:24:45

dxb desperately DTD after making a military-like strategic plan with DP. Not because you want to but in an attempt to get things moving. Who said romance was dead?

Confused40 Wed 22-May-13 20:50:32

Lying in the bath laughing my head off at this thread. Am 38+4 and the 8 point turn in bed is me! Complete with the sumo wrestling sighs and moans. Then staying awake for hours and giving in and having too many snacks, and not healthy ones either. Lying every evening in the tub for one hour plus and not wanting to get out. Still get a huge rush of utter delight when dd kicks or moves her foot or arm etc. unless its near too of stomach after eating. Aaarrgghh how painful is that?
Will definately miss being pregnant though. I did with my son and have loved it, until the last two weeks or so lol smile

bowlingforsoup Thu 23-May-13 18:33:44

This thread has really cheered me up tonight.

I am huge, baby is measuring a lot bigger than average and the 8 point turn sounds about right.

I've given up trying to dress nicely because a tent is the only thing that's comfortable at the moment.

Going from my bed to the sofa is far enough for a few hours and I dread the 2 minute walk to nursery every day with DD1 because I am waddling and people laugh.

Gaviscon is my best friend at the moment. I wonder if they would sponsor me...

I still have 4 weeks to go sad

Jojobump1986 Fri 24-May-13 10:33:12

People stop you on the street to check you're not going into labour because you're waddling slowly & clutching your belly.

You're now so used to discussing your personal issues that you nearly announce to random strangers that you're having shooting pains in your fanjo.

You don't really care that you're in the middle of the street, you really hope that said shooting pains are actually the baby falling out...! It wasn't.

igirisu Fri 31-May-13 19:54:18

Some of mine have been....

Walking along and getting cramp or shooting pain in my groin, crying out in pain and turning the cry into singing so nobody gets worried.

Trumping when walking anywhere but lucky its silenced by my massive bum.

throwing all the pillows off the bed onto the floor and sliding on to them as i dont have the abdominal strength to sit upright to get out of bed.

Dropping things in public, taking off a flip flop to try and pick them up with your feet and then just accepting they are gone forever.

not being able to fit your feet in any shoes and having to wear flip flops in the rain.

Even thinking gives me Braxton Hicks.

people ask "whens it due" "are you sure theres only one" and stating how massive you are!

cupcake78 Fri 31-May-13 20:16:27

I've discovered a few new ones.

Continually dropping things due to clumsy body immobility and not being able to pick them up.

Opening the garage door and not sure whether to scream, cry or just shut the door again due to the mess.

Hiding tears over bedtime stories because sitting on the bed to read is so increasingly painful in my hips.

Having more and more arguments with dh because he's having to do things and he's a shuffler rather than a proper tidy upper and my house isn't perfect.

Thinking that trying to get the house ready for viewings to sell while ridiculously pregnant and being unable to move due to spd is not easy and in fact seems impossible.

Getting on the floor to clean and tidy and not being able to get back up again as hips and legs have stiffened up and pelvis I'd on fire.

The thought of another 4 weeks of this being enough to make me want a bottle of wine and damn the consequences (something I would never do but dream about).

God I've seriously had enough now, I'd pay someone to get the baby out simply so I could actually move again.

Steffanoid Fri 31-May-13 20:57:35

I think im just about to say no, no baby yet when I get a text/call because thats all they're calling for, and I had to send my dmum a text after calling her phone to no answer saying dont worry NOT in labour, just called to ask a question...

TigerSwallowTail Fri 31-May-13 21:05:37

Getting excited that your waters have finally broken and then finding out that you've actually just peed yourself... oh the shame...

mel191187 Fri 31-May-13 21:21:27

Ur waking up every morning thinking is today the day?

OhGood Fri 31-May-13 21:34:26

8-point turn! grin and also [insanely frustrating]

1. You cry at a story on Have I Got News For You
2. Crying sets off tingly breastfeeding feeling

LoganMummy Fri 31-May-13 22:22:59

You think you've put on Preparation H but it turns out to be Bonjela - it's the tingly feeling that gives it away. confused

lollypopsicle Sat 01-Jun-13 07:35:32

Instead of bending down to fit the ice-cream back in to the freezer, you just eat the whole tub.

Your feet are so swollen even your 2 yrs old feels the need to inform you 'you have fat feet mummy!'

You're beyond replying to those damned texts/calls/fb msgs and just ignore them as it's better than the rude response you want to offend 'well wishers' with.

You wake up each morning rather gutted that you got a half decent sleep and are still pg.

You have the weirdest dreams EVER that disturb you at random points for the rest of the day!

StuckOnARollercoaster Sat 01-Jun-13 08:32:37

My ones are random crying for no reason, looking and seeing mess everywhere ( house no different to normal and isn't too bad just not pristine), texts and messages from people that don't usually do that and the ones that made me laugh out loud and are also me - the 8 point turn and a turtle stuck on its back!

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