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Pregnant at 42, in a mess.

(72 Posts)
Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 15:16:40

I have felt rubbish all week and been waiting for the period pains to result in something to no avail. Yesterday I decided to POAS just to put a niggling doubt out of my mind but it was a very definite BFP. My dh is away till late tomorrow so I am on my own with this. Dc2 is starting school in Sept so we were looking forward to child care costs diminishing.
I am absolutely blown away by this result and apart from feeling really unwell I keep having waves of sheer terror wash over me.
I am aware women do have healthy babies at 42 but, really? I can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone in RL as DH needs to be first to know, I have no idea what his reaction will be but I'm guessing it won't be positive. Sorry for babbling, I am in bits here.
Any hand holding will be helpful.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 27-Apr-13 15:21:05

proffering my hand....

is there any chance of getting your dh home before tomorrow? i realise this is a conversation to have in person but could you call him and just say you need him to come home earlier as you need to talk to him?

i feel for you. you must be reeling. You need to get over the shock and then look at your options - you do have options.

scaevola Sat 27-Apr-13 15:22:31

Here's a hand.

I don't know anyone that this has happened to at your age, but do some a couple who have and a surprise baby. The shock was huge, but it subsides, and in terms of the surprises life can throw at any of us, this is one that has great potential to bring happiness in the longer term.

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 15:24:17

Can't speak to him really as it's an annual get together several hundred miles away and there will be alcohol involved.
I also feel a bit like letting him enjoy the calm before the storm, so to speak.

Kelly1814 Sat 27-Apr-13 16:05:44

my godmother has an unplanned pregnancy at 42. it was a huge shock, they already had two, much older boys (9 years and above).

it wasn't easy for them but she had a very easy pregnancy and their little surprise is now 11 years old and she is absolutely lovely. the two older boys dote on her and i think she likes having the bigger older brothers to look after her. it is do-able. best of luck.

iclaudius Sat 27-Apr-13 16:09:20

Sheer I am on phone now but will PM you when on laptop later . Please do not worry xxxx

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 16:52:20

Thanks for your kind replies. It means a lot.
I wish the panic would start to subside, I am finding it overwhelming. Just want dh home.

Startail Sat 27-Apr-13 16:58:32

Not quite the same, as very much planned, but my DF had her first DS a week before her 43 birthday. He's 18 months now and utterly adorable.

DMIL was the fittest 70 year old I've ever met, she had DH and DSIL either side of her 40th.

nananaps Sat 27-Apr-13 17:04:21

Hi sheerpanic im 42 soon to be 43 and have a 14 week old baby.

Im not going to lie to you, the amnio was by far the most frightening period of time of my entire life, but it was all ok, my boy is fat, happy & healthy.

I realise that i am incredibly lucky.

I also have a 9 year old.
It can be ok. x

elfycat Sat 27-Apr-13 17:08:19

42 is not old at all. I'm the same age and have a 2yo and I feel younger than I did a decade ago, I'm certainly fitter. A friend had her DS2 at 42, no prolems with her age.

It's a shock and it's making you rethink the plans you were making. You were settled with the idea of being finished. But it was an idea, ideas are just thoughts and those can be changed.

When you tell your DH you'll need to let him get over the surprise. You'll have had some time to think things over and be in a different place by the time he gets back.

coorong Sat 27-Apr-13 17:19:58

First baby at 41 and second at 43 - both healthy girls. No problems with pregnancy, and had amnio with both. The only thing I would do is get some folic acid into you as soon as possible.

Slightly higher risk of miscarriage over 40 (1 in 4 as opposed to 1 in 5). I one before each naturally conceived pregnancy. Any concerns, talk to your GP - don't google!

cyclecamper Sat 27-Apr-13 17:21:13

I'm 42 and 33 weeks pregnant with my first (and only!). I have had a pretty easy pregnancy actually - tiredness, backache and heartburn aside. It was utterly unplanned and I didn't find out until I was 16 weeks so I missed out on all the tests (and the first trimester worrying) and I had a growth scan yesterday that showed everything to be perfectly fine smile. On the Fabulous 40+ mums to be thread there are lots of us - and for re-assurance, there is a 40+ mums thread on the parents board - lots of healthy babies there! There is lots of hand holding on here. Have a brew.

congratulations op x im sure your in deep shock, but we are all here to talk to

BoffinMum Sat 27-Apr-13 17:27:32

I had a perfectly healthy baby at 41. In fact the previous two had been mildly disabled and he is the healthiest of the the lot. Looking after him on arrival was easier as by then we needed less sleep and also we were more mellow. It has been great fun and it's lovely having a little companion again.

BoffinMum Sat 27-Apr-13 17:29:01

PS I did have a private nuchal scan at the Fetal Medicine Centre in case there was anything wrong. I asked if I needed amnio or anything and they said no, the scan and the blood tests told then the chances of a good outcome were excellent, so no need to bother.

CareerGirl01 Sat 27-Apr-13 17:30:12

Sheerpanic I have a 4 year old DD who starts school in September and having DD2 via ELCS in a weeks time - I will be 42. Have to say the worst thing about this pregnancy was the CVS test - but they've kept a close eye on me and baby is healthy (so far). I did have my doubts about having one so late (and all credit to corong having two in her 40s) but am glad I am now. DD is loving the idea of having a baby sister.

OP - hand.

I like elfycat's post, she is right, thoughts and ideas can be changed.
Unless of course you don't want another child, you do have options.

Try and take deep breaths and distract yourself.
Or do what I do which is think of worst case scenario and work backwards, eg we will be skint for another few years, yes sleepless nights will be hard etc but then the best case scenario is that you will have another little face to look at when she/he is sleeping and another person smiling in all your holiday pics.

Is the terror stemming from a scary birth?

CareerGirl01 Sat 27-Apr-13 17:32:59

Have to say having a DSIL who is nearly 40 and having problems TTC and a friend who is 43 next month and only decided last autumn shd wanted a baby (she's had two miscarriages) made me realise how lucky I am; this is probably not much consolation for you but for me it helped get me through a couple of tough times during this pregnancy.

crazyhead Sat 27-Apr-13 18:29:27

The amnio, grim as it is, will tell you what you need to know about chromosomal problems and if you've had healthy pregnancies before you probably will again. I think the main question is whether you actually want another child really. I guess that's what you and your husband have to work out. Big hugs, really tough.

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 18:36:59

Thank you so much for the hand holding.
I am not worried about a birth, had 2 previous LSCS so no issue there.
I found pregnancy so hard last time physically, yet here I am 4 years older. I am worried about DH's reaction I suppose. He said after last dc's he couldn't stand me pregnant again as I was such hard work.
The risks of problems for a baby of a 42 year old really worries me. There is too much stuff on the internet.
God I wish it was tomorrow.

Mayanbob Sat 27-Apr-13 19:33:22

Hand holding here- but just wanted to say that my mum had me at 43 and I like to think that I turned out okay. smile

I was a surprise (my mum having a coil fitted when she conceived me) and my brother is 13 years older than me. Our relationship is awesome, and she's still the first person I phone - in fact have changed phone contract to unlimited calls since being pregnant. The internet is full of worry but I assure you it can all turn out really well.

However, as others have said there are options if you don't want another child because ultimately it is your life that's going to be affected by this. - Sorry I can't offer more words of wisdom but just wanted to let you know about my DM. x

ILoveGregoryHouse Sat 27-Apr-13 19:38:51

Had dc4 when I was 41. She's perfect. Pregnancy was harder than the previous three but that could have been because I had three little boys to look after. Hope tomorrow hurries up for you.

It might be different this time? Pregnancy wise that is.

You can have lots of tests to check for anything you might be worried about. And again, you don't have to go through with a pregnancy if it is too much. Possibly an unpopular view but a realistic choice nonetheless.

You say DH found you hard work (I know I was a nightmare both times) but could you find a way of making it less nightmarey for him if it is the deal breaker?

Go and watch britains got talent and the voice and that will waste some time until tomorrow!!!!

Until then I can chat away!

TiredFeet Sat 27-Apr-13 19:45:41

Hand holding. I found out 6 weeks ago I was unexpectedly pregnant and dh was away with work, so I know how hard that is. I decided to text as he was going to be away for another week, but wish I hadn't! Think he found it hard to get his head round it when he was so far away. It will feel like a long wait till tomorrow but then you can talk it all through with him. And maybe it is good to take a little time to get your head round it all. Best wishes

turningitaround Sat 27-Apr-13 19:48:45

Don't worry. I had 'surprise' (read: shock) DC3 at 41. Pregnancy was hell, like the others. Marriage was touch and go for the last few months. BUT DC3 is now a few months old and positively doted on by the older DCs and DH. I go back to work in a couple of weeks and its honestly all pretty damn good. Far better than I ever imagined in the first few terrified weeks of pregnancy. You'll be fine (whatever you decide).

mikkii Sat 27-Apr-13 19:56:58

I had DC3 at 41.5, the pregnancy was not easy as I had complications starting at 24 weeks, I had to have a CS due to placenta praevia. I thought I was finding a new baby much harder and more tiring with no. 3because of my age, but it turned out to be pernicious anaemia, now on 2 monthly injections and almost back to normal.

Sheerpanic Sat 27-Apr-13 20:21:30

Again, thanks for the support. So many positive experiences. I guess I just can't get my head round how to react without the other member of the team here ( iykwim) tomorrow can't come soon enough.
Have come to bed as can't relax downstairs, just kissed the dc's as they slept and it reduced me to tears again.
If I didn't feel so unwell it might help, I always get terrible headaches in early pregnancy and with the jitteriness and nausea I would think I was gravely ill without the knowledge of the BFP.
If I could just go back to not being in this situation I would but I am pretty sure I couldn't take any steps to end a pregnancy though. Does that make sense?

scaevola Sat 27-Apr-13 20:25:48

Yes, it makes total sense.

rufusnine Sat 27-Apr-13 20:36:48

My mam had me at 42 when it turned out the lack of period was not the menopause as she thought and didn't I go and follow in her footsteps so to speak when I was 44!! Both she and I were gobsmacked at our late pregnancies but both of us had healthy gorgeous baby girls wink!! I believe the saying "Que cera cera" Whatever will be will be! Good luck!

Yes and I understand.

It has been 5 hours since you first posted, another 5 closer to your DH coming back, in a couple of hours (maybe sooner) you will be snoozing, then busy with the DCs so hopefully it will HURRY up and be tomorrow v soon.

Can you do that thing where you start at your toes and squeeze every muscle as you move up your body to try and relax?

TiredFeet Sat 27-Apr-13 21:10:07

Completely understand.

soupmaker Sat 27-Apr-13 21:17:02

Hello Sheer. Here is another hand.

I am 42 and 27 weeks with DC2. DD is 5. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 6 weeks as I was so not expecting to be expecting. I thought early menopause symptoms. We had also got to the stage of thinking no more crippling childcare costs and the possibility of holiday a bit further afield!

I'm knackered and have heartburn but really it's not that different to being pregnant at 37. Of course I had lots of worries about being pregnant at our age but keeping away from Dr Google and taking it one day at a time has saved my sanity.

Wishing you well and I am sure you and your DH will work out what is best for you and your family.

turningitaround Sat 27-Apr-13 21:55:57

Yes, it makes sense. When we found out I was pregnant I think DH would have preferred an abortion (I have had one before for medical reasons and am totally in favour of choice), but I just couldn't. It took me about a week to be completely sure, but then I was, in a fatalistic kind of way. I was also really scared (for my marriage, which was a bit rocky at the time, my job - I'm quite a senior manager, and family life in general - the descent into chaos with number 3 that everyone talks about). Now, just over a year later, my marriage is feeling pretty strong, work seem surprisingly keen to have me back and my family feels complete. The only two downsides are that my body is pretty shot and our house is so loud. Mostly that's fine, but sometimes I could do with just a bit more volume control wink.

rosiedays Sat 27-Apr-13 22:00:37

yep another one here.... 43 and got my very very unexpected and real life changing BFP in December. 27 weeks now and can't wait to snuggle my new litttle princess. PG ok so far, chose not to have any extra test done.
I can imagine telling DH will be challenging, Only thing I'd say is give him time if his first reaction is shock
lots of hand holding and brew on fab 40 thread
congrats by the way thanks

I like the sound of your house turning smile

morethanpotatoprints Sat 27-Apr-13 22:10:14

Hello OP.

You are in shock, of course. I remember it well although was 38. Doctor had one week previous confirmed I was going through a very early menopause.

I cried for 2 whole weeks as just got life on track after 2 older dc. (both boys). I knew we had options and dh's comments were not positive either. After the initial shock we realised for us there were no options and we had a lovely little girl who is 9 now. The whole family adore her and she has made the family complete.
Congratulations, you will get over the shock in a couple of weeks.
Sending you lots of hugs and a hand, and shoulder if you fancy a cry thanks

Ledkr Sat 27-Apr-13 22:13:51

Me too op. surprise pg at 43 I was shocked and scared but she's two now and of course we all adore her. Not easy though.
I had fab early tests at the fmc in Harley street which were amazing and helped me to relax.
I have three good mum friends I met a toddler groups who are the same age

Ledkr Sat 27-Apr-13 22:14:28

I think I cried for weeks too.

syl1985 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:54:32

Hi Sweerpanic,

My 3rd was an accident. I was so shocked. Now I can't imagine my life without him. I'm so happy with him and all three of them.

With my first child some of my family and others thought he was an accident. Reason: Because I was a so called young mother. I was 20 and my husband 35. We had a good income and everything was good in our lives.
I was just judged on my age.
That was so very painful. We were so happy that we were pregnant.

Then our little surprise.
That was the other way around. Halfway my pregnancy I felt better about it. But at the beginning it was terrible. I was so worried about what will happen. How will I and we as a couple cope with 3 kids, finances and lot's of other worries and not sure if I wanted the baby.

Everyone around me was so happy for us. But I just wanted to be left alone. I felt like that I had to pretend to be very happy, but in reality I so wasn't happy at that time.
I told close family and friends that it was an unexpected baby for us. Most of them were really helping me threw that difficult time.

It's hard and I hope that your husband and others around you will be very supportive. It's hard and it might feel so overwhelming, but it's not the end of the world. You can always have a chat with your GP or midwife about your feelings and worries. Even if you feel negative about the baby. You can have a chat with them. They'll be there for you to support you.


Sheerpanic Sun 28-Apr-13 06:16:35

I had a much better sleep than I thought I would, but have been woken by spectacular nausea. Had to run to the bathroom an unfortunately didn't quite get there fast enough, baby wipes are great though, so many uses.
DH text me at 11 to say they'd had a great day, got in safely and he loves me an misses me so much. He can't wait to get home! That made me almost laugh.
The positive comments from you all is brilliant. I Keep crying though, I am such a mess. Not long now and I guess we can take it from there.
DH was so thrilled when we found out about the DC, just can't see it this time. Only a matter of hours now though.

TiredFeet Sun 28-Apr-13 06:52:16

Glad you slept! Sorry about the sickness, its the last thing you need. I hope it all goes well today smile

scarecrow22 Sun 28-Apr-13 06:58:35

sheer another hand - and more good tales from the other side.

I'm 42 and my 20 day old son is downstairs snoozing while DH plays trains with 2yo DD. I have a precious 90 min lie in with no child, but worth not sleeping to tell you all the good stuff.

firstly the 40+ fab mums to be thread is just that - fantastic. It saved me in early weeks when I had a lit on at work felt suck as a dog and was worrying about fact I had bled heavily a few weeks before I found was pg. I've just "graduated" to the 49+ mums thread set up because there were so many if us in our 40s. Three PPs are in it and have mentioned it. You will get kits of friendship, laughs and support from MNetters with un/planned pgs, delighted/terrified dps, and great baking in the coffee lounge we set up, where the rota if waiters and foot masseurs includes George Clooney, Colin Firth and Michael Fassbender wink

second lots if us have had extra scans, mostly done by or linked to the Feotal Medicine Centre in London. These cost up to c £300 (but I think less too) and give you a massively more accurate early scan and estimate if Rusk numbers. Ladies on the thread above can advise you where or how to find out about it if you are nit in London (I am so went to FMC itself). If you an possibly afford it it is massively with it for reassurance.

Finally my DCs were planned (though DH did panic anyway!). But it takes 2 to make an accident, so to speak, so while it will help to share your fears and anxieties with DH you do not need to feel you take the blame or carry any burden if guilt for him. He sounds lovely though.

My aunt found our many years ago she was an "accident", and was v upset. My grandfather told her they had planned to only have 2 DCs but she was a live child. I have always been very struck by this lovely story.

Good luck, and I hope you and family stay safe and perhaps to meet again on the 40+ mums thread one day xx

GenghisCanDoHisOwnWashing Sun 28-Apr-13 07:00:58

SheerPanic - what time is he back? I know the situation won't have changed but I am sure it will feel better to have shared this news with someone in RL. I'm guessing you have had a contraceptive failure rather than a drunken night of chancing it. Either way, there can be no blame assigned, you are in this together.
There are lots of positive stories on here, both about healthy pregnancies and also the wonderful impact of a 'late surprise' on a family - I hope you can draw strength from them. Take care of yourself and good luck for later - could your dc go round for a play at grandparents or something while you 'get the house straight' or some such excuse so that you can have dh to yourself for a bit? I'll be thinking of you!

scarecrow22 Sun 28-Apr-13 07:02:13

sorry awful typos, can't get on with new cheap phone.

importantly is "40+" graduates thread, and my aunt was a "love" child

BikeRunSki Sun 28-Apr-13 07:51:47

Friend had her surprise DC3 six months ago. Her other children are due to start school and preschool in September. Like you, she was looking forward to reduced child care costs, and moving on from the baby phase. She was 39. In her case, her DH was over the moon. Her previous pg were uneventful, as was her third. The other children adore their little sister and are old enough to be fairly helpful (middle child was potty trained before baby was born) She says 3 is not really that different from 2, but she is very laid back.The baby phase will end - just a bit later than planned. Her DH has now had the snip!

coorong Sun 28-Apr-13 07:54:00

Don't forget to take your folic acid - irrespective of what you decide and sorry to hear about the nausea.

Remember, the first few weeks of pregnancy are often awful - all those hormones and nausea .....yuk!

IHateSafeStyle Sun 28-Apr-13 07:56:26

Thinking of you, but just a though can you get rid of the FC do you two can talk properly?

JulesJules Sun 28-Apr-13 08:13:19

Hello Sheer! <offers hand>

I had my dds at 41 and 43 and it was all fine. Yes, making the decision to have a cvs and then waiting for the results was an anxious time, fortunately everything was clear. There are much more sophisticated scans available now.

I've only ever been pg in my 40s so I've got nothing to compare it to, but it seemed OK to me grin

Foxeym Sun 28-Apr-13 08:54:52

Hi, I'll be 42 when I have DC3, totally unexpected as in a new relationship and wasn't planning on any more. My 2 DD's are 15 and 12 so going to have a huge gap but they are excited.
My nuchal has come back at 1 in 19000 when for my age it should be 1 in 75 so classed as extremely low risk so have chosen not to have any more tests. Also with my previous pregnancies I had terrible all day sickness the whole way through, with this one I had a bit between weeks 7 - 13 but now feel fine grin)

BikeRunSki Sun 28-Apr-13 08:58:16

Are your concerns about your age OP, or is it that, in your mind you'd finished the family you'd planned? if the former, then there are many reassuring tales of ladies who had healthy babies in their 40s. The latter I suspect is harder to deal with, and happened to an acquaintance at the ripe old age of 31, having had her DC at 25 and 28.

Hi Sheer, just offering hand. So understand how you feel about seeing the light at the end of tunnel re childcare costs. If you did decide to go ahead with pregnancy could you think of changing hours of work so you & dh juggle all childcare between you?
Agree that it would be good if you could have dc shipped off for a few hours to give you & dh some time. Also thinking if he had a busy day yesterday which involved some alcohol his reaction may be different to if he was sober last night. Just a thought. Sorry you're feeling so sick & hope this passes. Thinking of you x

Shellywelly1973 Sun 28-Apr-13 09:17:22

Hi Sheer,
Just to offer my hand hold. Hope your dh responds better then you expect him to. I wish u well.

Sheerpanic Sun 28-Apr-13 10:28:32

Some very good points. I will have to let him be jumped on by the dc's as they are excited as not seen him for over a week. Will try to wait till later on but he can read my face so I think he may even guess.
It is the childcare costs that is one of the hard points. Looking to extend the house, to replace the conservatory etc and have better hols. My age is also a huge consideration and I imagine feeling embarrassed when people know my age.
All a mess really. Won't be long now so will see how I feel later.

5madthings Sun 28-Apr-13 10:35:26

Hand holding here, hope dh isn't too shocked and you get some time to talk later.

You have options tho I totally get what you said earlier re not wanting to be pregnant but not feeling able to do anything to end the pregnancy.

How old is dc1?

Its a big shock and you have lots to think about.

No need to feel emmbarrased lots of people have babies at 42 and i know a few mums who got their youngest to school and then had a 'bonus' baby.

Whatever happens you have mnet and its support and advice at your fingertips!

Xxxx good luck xx

Phineyj Sun 28-Apr-13 10:40:51

Just had a baby at 40 and no problems - in fact pregnancy was less problematic than that of younger friends/relations.

I did a course about health and medicine once and I remember them pointing out that throughout history it has been common for women to have their last babies in their 40s, it's just nowadays we start later.

I wanted to suggest staying off the internet -- you can scare yourself silly on any topic with enough Googling! Speak to DH, trusted friends, doctor etc.

looneytune Sun 28-Apr-13 10:52:50

I'm 37 so not the same age but currently 33 weeks pregnant with very unexpected ds3. We'd decided a long time ago that we were having no more, dh is 51 and when I conceived, ds2 had just started school so our massive debt problem was supposed to get a lot better. I had been childminding 7 and half years and with ds2 starting school, could increase my daytime mindees and had recently had 6 new starters and the income had finally increased. We had a plan for sorting ourselves out so when I POAS, I was in utter shock. I cried so much, felt sick with worry etc etc. Dh surprised me by not hitting the roof and we just had to adapt. I was worried about telling all the parents of children I cared for, especially all the new ones as this was terrible timing. Everyone was lovely about it although it did mean changes as they had to secure new childcare. My money got less and less each month and we have struggled, however, finances aside, this is the best thing that could have happened to my family! I believe things happen for a reason, for me I believe it happened to force me into stopping childminding (long story but had to change stuff in the house to fit new one in hence no room for minding) and to concentrate on my own family for a change. We'd been having massive problems with our boys and things have improved a lot! I'm now really looking forward to meeting ds3 smile Although I'll admit I still can't believe it all at times and that I'll be feeding a tiny baby again, getting up in the night etc. but it will be worth it. My boys are staggered by 5 years (got a 10 year old and ds2 will be 5 2 days after baby's due) which has it's pros and cons but one of the good bits is I'll have just baby whilst the others are at school and I want to enjoy that (as I had 4 under 18 months old once ds2 was 1 weeks old).

Anyway, that seems all a bit 'me, me, me' but I'm trying to explain how I've TOTALLY changed how I feel about it all and it doesn't have to be the disaster you first think it is. We both panic at times, especially as BOTH of us are currently out of work, BUT, I feel this is the right thing and believe the job/financial side of things will improve. I really hope your dh is ok with the news, do expect it to take time to sink in as of course it will be a shock but I'm sure you'll work round it if you both want to. Good luck, will be thinking of you as I was s***ing myself so I know what you're feeling right now. Best of luck xx

BalloonSlayer Sun 28-Apr-13 10:59:30

I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 42. Like you my DH was away when I found out, but unlike you I rang him up and told him. He left his event early - missing a seminar on "managing difficult conversations" grin

Physically I didn't find pregnancy any different from the other times. I did have a little bit of antenatal depression though, obviously brought on by hormones but also exacerbated by DH being a real Eeyore about the pregnancy and that I had just got back to work in a job I loved, that I was now going to have to give up. But it wasn't too bad, and I got some help. I have always found the worst bit of pregnancy/childbearing to be what it does to your mind - my anxiety goes through the roof, and that was probably what I dreaded most, as I felt I had just returned to "normal." Well of course I did eventually return to normal again!

As a couple our view has always been that we would not terminate a pregnancy unless the baby had absolutely no chance of life, so we did not go for any invasive tests like amniocentesis. But I was very anxious about my age affecting the baby. The odds on me having a baby with DS at that age were about 40:1, IIRC. After the nuchal scan they lengthened to 80:1. The midwife said I could not have got a better result! It didn't feel all that good to me but I reminded myself that at those odds I would have to have 80 babies before I had one with DS, which put it into perspective. My odds were shorter than yours would be as DS was born when I was 43 - it's the age you are when the baby is born that affects it.

DS2 is 5.5 now and has always been absolutely lovely and a complete joy. We all adore him and the older two (now 11 and 12) really look after him and play with him. DH is thrilled with him. I feel, as I did from his birth, that having him was like winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

Oh and I got my job back eventually.

Jbck Sun 28-Apr-13 11:43:29

I'm thinking you may be having 'the conversation' with your DH right now so all that we say might be moot but I had planned DD2 just two months shy of 43.
I had other health concerns which meant all my care was consultant led, I was definitely more concerned about my age than he was. He said that obstetrically after 21 everyone had a higher risk of something so that made me much the same as a 22yr old in his eyes!
I had a private nuchal scan and bloods done which gave me a risk of 6800/1 for DS. After that I felt much less worried.
Had an easier pg than at 36 and VBAC, albeit with forceps.
DDs fight like cat and dog sometimes but mostly are so good together that I love to see them learning/playing with each other. I'll be honest and say I'd have preferred financial burden to have been easier before now re childcare costs but now DD2 at school its much better.
Long lies still a way off but Dd1 made me breakfast in bed which made it a bit better after having been woken early by DD2. Poptarts and OJ, bliss.
Good luck with whatever you do and hope your DH supports you through it.

Sheerpanic Sun 28-Apr-13 18:56:11

Well, he guessed as soon as I said I wasn't having a glass of wine. Grinned like a Cheshire Cat but tried to be all serious and said he will support me whatever my decision. Yes we will be old parents and we are looking at more time and better finances but it is doable apparently.
I feel slightly less panicky but really overwhelmed.
Thanks for all the positives, I will keep you informed. There are many hurdles to get over yet, don't even want to think about screening options yet.
I need to think about increasing my fitness ASAP.
Wish this nausea would go, it is constant.

TiredFeet Sun 28-Apr-13 19:34:59

Glad his reaction was so positive and supportive. Hopefully that is a huge weight of your mind now smile.

5madthings Sun 28-Apr-13 19:37:41

Yay glad he is supportive, fingers crossed all goes well xxx

Thinkingof4 Sun 28-Apr-13 19:38:10

That sounds positive sheerpanic , having dh's support is pretty essential. I'm currently 30weeks with dc4 and surprisingly this has been my easiest pg yet. Not sure why that is, bit each pg is different and hopefully you will feel physically a lot better soon

Oh good news that he was grinning! So that's one down. Nausea will get better soonish hopefully, how many weeks do you think you are? Mine had gone by 16 weeks first time (lasted a bit longer second time round mind!)

I hope you start to feel a bit better ow you are able to discuss things with your DH.
Big hug x

BikeRunSki Sun 28-Apr-13 20:38:37

Glad it went well smile . And you're not old. I'm 42 and have a 1 yo. She wasn't unplanned, but she wasn't exactly planned either.

scarecrow22 Sun 28-Apr-13 21:32:27

your dh sounds lovely. I dobhope you feel better soon. If you continue to feel anxious perhaps,also confide in a friend or even your GP. remember, everything is a phase. very good luck

ajandjjmum Mon 29-Apr-13 07:31:24

So glad your DH is supportive - congratulations!

ExpatAl Mon 29-Apr-13 11:47:59

I'm in love with your dh OP. Congratulations. It will all work out.

Sheerpanic Mon 29-Apr-13 19:19:06

Just wanted to say thanks for all the support and amazing positive hand holding, it has meant so much and kept me from losing the plot.
Pretty exhausting day, lots of soul searching and discussing what ifs'
DH remains solidly supportive and sensible. Many hurdles to get through and hoping all ok.
I did however catch him looking at pushchairs on Internet earlier, flippin bloke is excited about all the hardware. Give me strength.

Thanks again.

CareerGirl01 Mon 29-Apr-13 19:31:35

Having the support of your DH is priceless sheer hope it all goes wellx

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 29-Apr-13 19:32:26

How lovely to hear that your DH is so supportive.

Hope the nausea eases soon.


Animol Mon 29-Apr-13 21:09:51

Just read all this thread - what a lovely DH you've got!
I'm 42 and we'd always hoped we might have another but kind of given up hoping really as we'd been trying ( or at least not trying not to) for 5 years and now I'm going in for my 12 week scan tomorrrow smile

Do have a look in at the Fabulous 40+ thread - it's been great for me as we haven't told anyone else yet and sometimes I need to talk and talk.

All the very best sheer

soupmaker Mon 29-Apr-13 21:32:11

Great to hear things have gone well with your DH. Boys just love all the paraphernalia! One day at a time was my mantra at your stage. Hope all goes well.

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