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Question For Those Who Have Been Overdue

(43 Posts)
DaisyBug Fri 12-Apr-13 12:31:22

One of my best friends is now a week overdue. I'm wondering how to strike the right balance between showing that I care and am thinking of her whilst not annoying the hell out of her at what I'm sure is a stressful and anxious time.

So, those who have been overdue, how did you feel at that point? Did it really irritate you to get lots of texts/emails/calls from family and friends? Would you have preferred that they just left you alone and trusted that you'd let them know as soon as there was news? Or would you have felt alone and uncared about if others hadn't let you know that they were thinking of you?

Guntie Fri 12-Apr-13 12:42:26

Why not organize something fun to do with her. Accupressure/reflexology/moxibustion on the foot is supposed to help bring on labour. You could suggest going and doing together. She might appreciate that as something fun to look forward to where she can sit down and chat with you.

notso Fri 12-Apr-13 12:42:39

I think if you are important enough to be told if she is in labour or has just had the baby then you will annoy her if you ask any news type questions.
I've only been over due once but I would've appreciated people coming round to take my mind of things or taking me out somewhere rather than everyone leaving me alone to rest as it's soooo boring waiting for something to happen.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Fri 12-Apr-13 12:43:08

Texts, emails and calls all annoyed me massively with dc1 (went to 40+13), but depends how they're phrased. The constant "any news?" "Any twinges?" were awful. Ended up just texting "no". Wanted to text, "oh yes had unexpected triplets 3 weeks ago" but never found the courage!! The texts which were generally chatty, amusing or better still invited me out of the house were great.

If you live close by maybe suggest lunch/coffee out at the weekend?

I'm term today with dc2 and doesn't bother me this time as always expected to go over again, but the first time was very hard.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Fri 12-Apr-13 12:43:31

I went 2 weeks over with dc1, and if mil had asked one more time whether I'd had the baby yet I think I may have throttled someone.

Trust that she will tell you when shes had the baby. Presume that she hasnt until then. you could try distraction if you live local to her and Ask her if she wants to go out for a coffee?

I would definitely drop her a line, it would cheer her up. But yes, don't say any news or anything like that, just something like -- how are you feeling? let me know if there's anything I can do, I can pop by later if you like.

Gimmeechocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:45:28

I think you are a really nice friend to be so thoughtful. I agree that 'any news' type texts are very annoying but offers of coffee, lunch etc are fab! X

stuffthenonsense Fri 12-Apr-13 14:55:07

Having been horrifically (double figures) overdue three times, definitely avoid asking, don't make any suggestions for moving things along, and definitely no humour about size or eviction. At +3-5 it's slightly amusing, by the time +7 arrives it is more likely to induce tears than a baby and by +14 nobody can say/do a darned thing that will help and phones get ignored. A text saying your available for chat/coffee/whinge would be appreciated though.

vix206 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:56:29

I went 15 days overdue and I was grateful for any/all texts, calls etc. because I was going out of my mind with boredom and frustration at home!!

ButteryJam Fri 12-Apr-13 15:07:42

Why don't you take her out for dinner or tea? She may even fancy a walk and could do with company

StiffyByng Fri 12-Apr-13 15:19:12

I echo not making any suggestions whatsoever about ways to get things moving. She knows ALL of them. Ditto anecdotes about friends who were in the same position.

Distraction through company is an excellent idea though.

Distraction and entertainment were welcome. Anybody saying "any news" got shot! Been overdue twice and those that offered coffee were the most welcome, since I really, really, genuinely had an empty diary!

pippitysqueakity Fri 12-Apr-13 15:28:37

Personally, I really just wanted to be left alone! Even DH wound me up. Went +14 with DD1 then EMCS after failed induction etc, so when DD2 went +7 I just knew was heading the same way, and again did not want to discuss anything with anyone.
I would not have objected to a chatty text tho, as long as it was clear I could answer or not without causing offence. I literally had nothing to say to anyone I was so wrapped up in the moment.

popebenedictsp45 Fri 12-Apr-13 16:19:47

I agree about texting with offer of fun/distraction. I got really sick of emails and texts that said simply "any news?"

The funniest one was when I texted a friend to let him know I'd dropped his DVDs off at a mutual friend's house as I knew they were meeting that weekend. He texted back saying "thanks. Have you had the baby yet?"

Oh yes, I had the baby and as soon as it was born I thought "Oh yeah - I'd better remind Graham about his DVDs."

CityDweller Fri 12-Apr-13 17:27:07

As someone currently at 40 + 10 there is only a handful of people I want to talk to and I really appreciate their calls/ texts asking how I am. I agree that the last thing you want is a msg asking for news or where the baby is (grrr). Safest thing would be a msg saying something along lines of 'just to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you're well. I'm here if you want to chat or need distracting/ moral support' then it's up to her if she wants to talk to you or see you.

jumpinghoops Fri 12-Apr-13 18:54:10

I think CityDweller has it spot on. I`m bang on 40 weeks and personally get driven mad with texts at this stage (went to 40+12 with first DC) but admittedly am very grumpy!

SneezySnatcher Fri 12-Apr-13 20:15:56

I'm +6 and have ignored any and all texts asking 'any news/twinges?'

Agree with above, ask her if she wants to do anything - if she's anything like me she'll jump at the chance.

marzipananimal Fri 12-Apr-13 20:21:42

I found any texts (unless completely unrelated to the situation) very annoying - even just 'thinking of you' type ones. I pretty much just wanted to be left alone and ignored

catsdogsandbabies Fri 12-Apr-13 20:28:01

I am +4 and was v late with DS1 and the worst texts/messages are about that 'oh hope he will be earlier than DS1' etc and 'any sign yet, any twinges'? The best ones are honest - sorry you must be v fed up, hope things get started soon' - those I mind less! Best would be offers of coffees etc

TeamEdward Fri 12-Apr-13 20:33:18

The "any news" calls and texts sucked, but I would have loved someone taking me out for a pedicure or even just a cup of tea!

Some lovely friends organised a beach picnic which was really nice and enjoyable, except that I couldn't get far onto the shingle beach at my whale-like size and was concerned that some do-gooders might think I'd been beached and would try to refloat me.

ohmentalnessisme Fri 12-Apr-13 20:33:57

I got really pissed off with all the calls and texts asking for news and offering advice to get things moving angry but one lovely friend who had been overdue twice herself sent me a text that started "I know you haven't had the baby yet so don't think this is one of those texts..." and then said if I wanted company to call her or ignore if I wanted to be left alone. It was so lovely and thoughtful of her and I really appreciated it as I was starting to climb the walls!

Beamur Fri 12-Apr-13 20:40:34

I was nearly 2 weeks over, but still quite comfortable and relaxed, so I quite enjoyed my friends keeping in touch and being interested in our progress.
I'd just keep in touch as you would a friendship under normal conditions and take advantage of the time to relax and do stuff before the baby arrives.

Quak Fri 12-Apr-13 20:42:11

I found people seemed to be getting cross for me for not having dd on time. I felt a bit silly even though there was obviously nothing I could do about it! How lovely you're not making her feel like that!
Simple things. Go out for a waddle/walk with her but stay within easy reach of a car/bus as she might be feeling anxious about her baby coming suddenly. Go to the cinema if she can sit for a decent amount of time. I started having contractions in the cinema!
Good luck smile

ohmentalnessisme Sat 13-Apr-13 12:37:17

Yy Quak, I found myself constantly apologising for not having produced the baby yet and then getting annoyed with myself for apologising!

I had a house full of builders who every morning pointed out that a. I hadn't had 'it' yet, and b. I must be really uncomfortable. I could have thumped them....

Much nicer was a lovely friend who regularly texted to see if I wanted to pop round for a coffee or join her on a dog walk. She never once mentioned anything to do with the impending arrival other than to say to call her if I needed a lift to hospital or the dogs minded.

Practical and moral support is helpful. Comments and advice are not.

dexterpat Sat 13-Apr-13 19:06:13

With ds1 I was 42w 2days ( induced at 42 weeks - took a while longer) but I was ready for murdering someone if I got another ' is he here text' with ds2 I was so peed off by the 2 weeks of why have you not had the baby yet - I added 2 weeks to my due date and told everyone that date ( apart from dh) instead ds2 came at 42wks exactly but I didn't have the irritation! Needless to say I've added 2 weeks again - just remember its not hilarious to say haven't you had it or give helpful advice etc x

LuckyOwl28 Sat 13-Apr-13 21:51:44

I agree with citydweller

I can just about handle my very close family and friends dropping a line to let me know they're thinking of me

But even with some of them, I feel some are almost ringing to catch me off guard to see if I'm actually in labour, like they don't want to be the last one 'in the loop'.

AND IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS 'OOOO HAVE YOU TRIED A HOT CURRY/PINEAPPLE...ETC' I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!!!

Being overdue is a weird time. Each day - yes, still pregnant and no sign of any change! Plus, getting larger and more tired.

I would say, ask if she'd like to go to a cafe. Or, ask if you can pop round for a cup of tea etc. (If she already has a child/children, looking after them is going to be hard work at the moment - you could take them to the park?)

LuckyOwl28 Sat 13-Apr-13 22:12:36

dexterpat

I am so doing that with our next one!!

LimeLeaffLizard Sat 13-Apr-13 22:15:43

on my due date with DC3, a friend texted saying 'I have made a raspberry cheesecake and am looking for someone to share it with, would you like to come over?' I loved her at that moment - perfect!

'Any news?' / 'How are you doing' texts are just annoying

minicreamegg Sat 13-Apr-13 22:21:09

When I was overdue I got to the stage I ignored my phone, would've bloody loved it tho if someone text and asked "do you need a hand with housework" grin.

derpityderp Sun 14-Apr-13 01:20:31

I'm 9 days over now and I just want everyone to fuck off and stop asking.

NumberTwoDue Sun 14-Apr-13 08:19:30

My aunt did my head in at the end of mine - she would ring until it went to voicemail (she'd been pestering me from 38 weeks and I was 41 at this point so I was well into screening mode) then hang up, ring against, hang up etc. the record was five times in two mins. I was ready to kill her.

At the other end of the spectrum was a lovely friend who invited me to little things like coffee or a walk and then said "we have plans now, so don't you dare have that baby in the meantime and mess them up." Really made me smile.

RedBushedT Sun 14-Apr-13 08:21:22

I went two weeks overdue and texts asking "if I'd had it yet?" made me scream with rage. chatty texts avoiding the topic were lovely though smile

Pontouf Sun 14-Apr-13 08:35:43

I would defo say go for chatty texts just asking how she is and stuff, maybe inviting her for coffee etc. I am 8 days overdue and going out of my mind. I am getting between 3 and 5 texts a day from people asking if I've had the baby yet. Some from close family members who seem to think I would just have the baby and get on with my life without mentioning it to them.

The biggest no-nos for me are "can you hurry up and have that baby, what are you messing about at?" type messages which put the blame for my situation (albeit jokily) on me. Bear in mind that women who are overdue have almost no sense of humour left.

Also the have you tried curry, pineapple, sex, long walks, raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, bouncing on a ball. Yes I have tried every fucking one. It is NOT my fault I am still pregnant, it is by because of something I am failing to do! Also please can people stop asking me if I've had sex, it is weird and creates an unpleasant image - I am 9 and a half months pregnant for God's sake, it's not pretty!

(possibly slightly sensitive).

I had to put out a FB status update yesterday of "no news, no baby" in the hope that it might stop the constant texts/calls. It did not.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Sun 14-Apr-13 08:50:37

Just to echo what everyone else has said. Do not under any circumstance ask about the baby / timings etc. you're liable to at best be ignored and at worst have a hit put out on you....

Just a phone call or text to go out and do something, or pop round for coffee etc. Of course, if you do go round to hers, you should make the tea AND wash up! grin

I totally agree with whoever said about the blame being put on you for being late. 'Why haven't you had that baby yet?' must be the most annoying question in the world. Yes, I'm deliberately holding off labour to piss you off!

CityDweller Sun 14-Apr-13 10:12:05

You're spot on Pontouf. At 40 + 11 it's extraordinary how much any comments along the lines of hot curry/ rl tea etc make me feel like it's something I'm doing wrong (or not doing right) that's stopping this baby from coming. I knew going past due dates would be frustrating, I wasn't prepared for feeling so much like a failure!

So, to reiterate no 'helpful' suggestions of how to move things along. Like we're not obsessively Googling that anyway!

birdofthenorth Sun 14-Apr-13 11:07:11

"Any news?" Is extremely irritating. "Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping you're not too uncomfortable" is kind.

LuckyOwl28 Sun 14-Apr-13 11:20:04

pontouf I just read out your comment to my husband and he asked if I'd written it... all exactly what I've been saying!

amandasegal Sun 14-Apr-13 11:28:24

my sister is now overdue and i know it irritates her a lot, all the phones and questions, but on the other hand, you can't ignore it!

mybelovedmonster Sun 14-Apr-13 11:32:11

I'd send her some flowers with a note saying 'here if you fancy a chat/walk/coffee/anything'

StiffyByng Sun 14-Apr-13 13:13:27

AmandaSegal, you can ignore it. Don't mention the subject unless she brings it up. If you're not normally in contact often, just wait for news rather than lots of unusual messages/calls. If you speak/message a lot, just act like you usually would. Job done.

birdbrain17 Sun 14-Apr-13 13:23:42

daisy I'm now a week overdue and my family and friends have spent the week annoying the hell out of me with stupid comments and asking the whole time if I'm fed up which obviously I am and I didn't need them pointing it out to me, the only person who actually didn't annoy me was one of my friends texted me to see if she should pick me up and go out for a coffee. I really appreciated that as a text meant I could reply in my own time (and it's easier to ignore texts then phone calls when you're feeling grumpy) and also I've been feeling really housebound as scared to drive myself anywhere and get stuck there. Or you could offer to take her shopping if she needs anything, don't know if she is by herself or has a partner but I know my DH would love it if someone would take me to do the shopping so he doesn't have to do it all!!!!

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