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Finding out the sex?

(35 Posts)
flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 09:43:51

Apologies if this has been done a million times before, but I'm so undecided and need opinions. How many of you found out the sex? For what reason? To build excitement? Don't like surprises? Once you knew did it make the next 20 weeks more exciting? Easier to name baby? Or like there wasn't such great excitement once you knew - having typed that I can see how ridiculous it is, there will be a baby, doesn't get more exciting!!

I'd love to know, I'm very nosy but don't want everyone else (apart from DH) to know too. Is that strange? I'd still buy neutral clothes as there's nothing cuter than a newborn in a white baby grow, also we'd like to have more than one, hopefully. My only concern is during labour I'd need some incentive to keep pushing and I've left myself without a surprise.

Please tell me I'm not the only 18 week-er unable to make any decisions - major or minor?

flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 09:44:14

Just to add, DH is very keen to find out.

roofio87 Wed 10-Apr-13 09:50:59

I can't wait to find out,but just because I'm really impatient!! I also have a baby nephew and a baby niece so it will be easier to know which baby I want to steal all the clothes from!!!wink

Bejeena Wed 10-Apr-13 09:53:56

I am 21 weeks and we have found out in fact the doctor blurted it out when doing a scan at about 16 weeks. It makes no difference to us whether we know or not but is handy to know what colours to think about. Also we wouldn't care less if we discovered we were having a girl instead of a boy we just want a healthy, happy child.

However if you find out and decide to keep it to yourselves then just tell people you don't know. There is nothing worse than people saying 'we know but we're not saying'

iamnowawhaticallmother Wed 10-Apr-13 09:55:05

We found out.. because I am incredibly impatient and I also found pregnancy very hard so it helped to have a milestone to look forward to at each stage. We never regretted finding out. It was very exciting.

Ellypoo Wed 10-Apr-13 09:55:47

We didn't find out and I'm so glad we didn't - baby will be delivered by ELCS today and we just can't wait to find out what we are having!! It adds to the excitement I think, however I can understand why people find out to help planning.

Wishfulmakeupping Wed 10-Apr-13 09:56:19

I didn't want to find out I wanted a surprise all along So did DP (
-or so he said! As a few days before scan he told me he was desperate to know at this Point I was totally fed up of neutral clothes/nursery designs so we found out we were expecting a little dd!
I loved finding out and didn't regret it for a moment I can't believe anyone who tells me it would have been more exciting having a surprise at the end! I felt like after finding out we were having a girl and choosing her name that everything felt more real Iyswim.
I would want to find out in the future too

TryingtobelessChunkyChick Wed 10-Apr-13 09:58:02

I didn't find out with either of mine, just personal preference, but trust me, whether they were a boy, girl or puppy had NOTHING to do with "keeping pushing"!! Part of it is just wanting the baby out, and part of it is your body does what its meant to. I wouldn't worry you won't have motivation if you know the sex...

And yy to keeping quiet if you know and don't want others to.

MissEverdeen Wed 10-Apr-13 09:58:22

I'm exactly the same as you flip I've got my detailed scan next Thursday grin and I can't wait for my and DH to find out despite having already bought an entire neutral wardrobe blush but don't want the whole world to know, it will be nice to be able to refer to bump as he/she instead of it. I hate people saying it!!
I think personally that a baby is incentive enough to push and seeing who they look like, if they've got hair or not. HTH

flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 10:00:35

Good point Bejeena, will not tell anyone we're finding out, if we choose to.

The reason I'm undecided comes down to the excitement factor, we have spent 14 weeks being very excited about baby. Would finding out mean we're not as excited from 20 weeks onwards?!

We will be over the moon whatever they tell us. Most importantly I'll be going to the 20 week scan to know baby is healthy, that's the priority, knowing the sex will be a bonus.

sjupes Wed 10-Apr-13 10:05:13

I didn't find out with dd1 (awkward positioning) and i hated it - i like to know what's growing in my belly! They are in there for such a short space of time it was sad not knowing sad

With ds we found out and i blubbed like a baby i was so happy blush

We are expecting dd2 in the summer and as this pregnancy was unplanned and is still a bit of a dodgy subject at times in our house finding out the sex is really helping dp and i 'bond' to the baby.

WhatAGoat Wed 10-Apr-13 10:06:36

I found out to 'save money' on clothes and decorating that's my excuse not that an impatient cow

Kneedeepinshittynappies Wed 10-Apr-13 10:11:48

You still have something to be excited about, meeting your dd or ds! I found out with both of mine and loved knowing, have me a real boost to find out (not that I was bothered what sex was, just excited). Dh and I decided to keep it a secret and within 10 seconds of leaving hospital were just so excited we agreed we couldn't possibly keep quiet! I get the surprise element at birth would be fun but I think it would have just made me grumpier and more impatient when I reached full term, not sure if that's possible mind you. Also I know people that had really tough labour and the 'it's a girl/boy' was totally lost on them. Good luck whatever you decide, lovely seeing you healthy baby no matter what sex!

flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 10:14:52

Love hearing all replies and opinions. Definitely helping smile

I'm so excited that we're soon to be a little family. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter but good to know if we choose finding out is the right thing for us then none of you regret doing the same thing.

Dolallytats Wed 10-Apr-13 10:27:47

I found out a few weeks ago that DC3 is a girl. I found out because not only am I very impatient, but I really don't like neutral things. I wanted to be able to get everything organised and knowing what I was having let me be specific in what I wanted.

harleyd Wed 10-Apr-13 10:32:23

my 20 week scan is coming up and im desperate to find out for sure what im having this time. but dp doesnt want to know, and doesnt want me finding out either. im not sure what to do atm

CrackleMauve Wed 10-Apr-13 10:36:04

I didn't find out with either of mine, but if I had I don't think it would have been any less exciting. You've got the excitement of when the baby will arrive, what they'll look like, how big, all the buying of stuff you can do. Whether they are a girl or boy is just a tiny thing.

I didn't want to find out for a whole host of reasons, but excitement wasn't really one of them. I did like not knowing, but also hated it at times. With my second, they passed him through my legs as soon as he was born (was kneeling on bed) and so I got to find out all by myself with nobody announcing. It was absolutely the best thing ever and just the way I wanted to discover if I had a boy or girl. For me the wait was worth it, but everyone is different.

Withalittlesparkle Wed 10-Apr-13 10:41:10

We found out (although still waiting for the end result)

I wouldnt say find out at 20 weeks has made the last 10 weeks any less exciting. We're having a little boy, and its awesome, we're able to buy little little boy things rather than boring neutral and when we walk round shops doing a spot of day dreaming we wonder what he'll be in to, what we might have to buy him in the future that sort of thing.

I understand why people dont find out, and how they like the surprise element BUT I dont agree with the 'more incentive to keep pushing' school of thought, when the time comes I will be pushing like my life depended on it, I'm just desperate to meet my little man!

One thing I will, we have no regrets finding out BUT the last 10 weeks have had a bit of an uncertain element, even though we saw the.. er.. extra addition proving it was a little boy, I was still in doubt as to whether it was actually a boy or not. We had a private 4D scan last week which confirmed the sex once and for all!!!

I think whatever you decide to do the next 22 weeks will be the most amazingly excited weeks of your life, that is until baby actual arrives and then all bets are off smile

BraveLilBear Wed 10-Apr-13 10:43:01

I'm 25 weeks now and we chose not to find out... Tho OH is convinced he saw something at the scan (I had been turned away from screen for positioning dammit). I like playing the guessing games along with everyone else, and like telling people we're having a 'Team Green' baby when they ask.

Occasionally I really really want to know, but I like having something to look forward to - we're lucky that we don't have any other young children we need to 'prepare' for a baby. Plus there is the fact that sometimes they don't always get it right!

I sometimes refer to bump as she, sometimes it comes out as he - OH thinks it's a boy, I think it's a girl - but we're both just excited about having a healthy happy baby.

There's a chance that I might need to have a later scan due to low-lying placenta so will see if I/we cave then, but having got this far, would like to have the guts to go all the way - one of the things I like to think about is OH telling me what it is on the day, it'd be a nice moment where he gets to break exciting news for once!

Oh and as for names.... we were struggling for either sex for ages but one of the names now on the shortlist could be used for either a boy or a girl grin

cakebaby Wed 10-Apr-13 10:48:50

Hi flip my 20 wk scan is on Friday, we are going to find out if we can. DH is really keen to know as I think he has a preference and I would like him to be able to adjust to the result!
No flaming please but I think it will also help me bump bond as this is a much wanted baby but it's all so surreal that day to day I'm not feeling very maternal yet, though I know this will come! Doesn't stop me grinning in the dark when I feel the wriggling when I'm trying to get to sleep! If we can't find out then l won't be that disappointed, just need to know that all is well in there!
Purchasing & decorating decisions are not swayed by the sex as far as I am concerned, but I can understand why it is important to others.

MightBeMad Wed 10-Apr-13 10:52:48

We found out and I'm so glad I did. It added to the excitement and helped me get through the discomforts of the second half of pregnancy. also, without wanting to scare you, I had a tough delivery and there wasn't any of that happy, celebrating baby's arrival and finding out the sex type moment after delivery. I was exhausted, vomiting, hemorraghing and in agony. I wasn't really compus mentis enough to even hold the baby for about 8 hours and I would have been even more sad to miss out on what I expected from the post delivery period if I had been looking forward to finding out the sex at that point too.

HazleNutt Wed 10-Apr-13 10:52:59

We found out, I didn't see a reason to wait. Must be too impatient. Also, I did have a preference, so wanted to find out so in case it's the other sex, we would have time to imagine it and get excited about that. Although some people have said that this is exactly the reason they didn't find out - that once the baby is there, it is your baby and the sex does not matter any more, so this is probably not hugely helpful.

Oh and even though I hate gender stereotyping, shopping is certainly easier now, it's such a pain to find gender-neutral things.

dexterpat Wed 10-Apr-13 10:58:50

We have always found out this is no 3 - with ds1 he was a surprise we only found out at 17weeks I was pregnant and I was v shocked do finding out really helped me bond with him - ds2 we found out to prepare ds1 that he was having a brother and to prepare him - with this one we will find out to prepare the boys again ds1 is SO excited to have another baby but is desperate for it to be a girl ( I'm sure I saw a willy on my last scan) we will find out so he is used to the idea when he/she arrives

flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 11:25:56

Thank you all, so many great replies. I agree with you all, we'll be so happy and overwhelmed that the sex won't play a huge part in the labour. Think my minds made up, DH will be delighted!! If the sonographer is unable to see, we'll leave it at that, we'd rather they focused on development rather than sex.

Can't wait to meet this little person and we will be over the moon whatever they are.

louby86 Wed 10-Apr-13 11:35:54

We found out with our first, they said it was a girl and they were wrong! It was only because I had an extra scan around 28 weeks that we found out it was definitely a boy, before having the surprise at the birth! This led to much running around exchanging clothes/redecorating nursery etc! I'm pregnant now and think we're going to leave this one as a surprise smile

We din't find out because we were too indecisive to make up our minds about finding out, so not became a default position. I was put off as I know someone who found out she was having a DD, but they got it wrong and she has a boy. Apparently it was quite disturbing. I wouldn't want my DS to be told that they though he was going to be a girl. Despite not knowing, I was convinced we were having a boy and was very surprised when DD turned up.

ExhaustedMamasita Wed 10-Apr-13 12:12:33

Flip - cograts! I'm at a very similar stage of pregnancy and like you, didn't have a clue whether to find out or not. After having read the trail of posts and receiving feedback from friends, I think we'll leave it as a surprise. There are lots of pros to finding out but DH wants the surprise so why not. I figure we'll find out when the next one comes.

It's so exciting. Our anomaly scan is in two weeks time and I cannot wait. So long as our babies are developing well that's all that matters really. Good luck with the scan!

louby86 Wed 10-Apr-13 12:15:14

Breatheslowly - I found it quite hard to deal with. Once you're told the baby is a specific gender you begin to bond with it differently. When we found out it was then a boy it almost felt like we'd lost the girl we thought we were having. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't swap DS for the world and I don't wish I'd had a girl instead of him. It does just mess with your head a bit.

5madthings Wed 10-Apr-13 12:23:43

For the first three we didntb find out, dp is very into the 'surprise'.

With no 4 we found out as I wanted to know, but only dp and a few close friends were told ( family didn't want yo know) and I told on mnet!

With no 5 we were going yo have a surprise but at the scan the sonographer said she had a very clear view of the sex and did see want to know. Dp and I took this to mean boy (we had four boys and were totally expecting no 5 to be a boy) but the sonographer said girl! We are very shocked and actually paid for a private scan to check, confirmed girl. Even once she was born the first thing I said was 'is it alright? is it really a girl?!'

Sometimes I think it would have been nice for it to be a surprise but I Aldo think I would have fainted with shock at the birth! And the four boys had wanted to know and loved being involved, choosing clothes etc.

It also meant we thought about girls names, we had a boys name picked out but being told it was a girl meant we thought about girls names as well.

Rico08 Wed 10-Apr-13 12:43:42

We didn't find out with number 1(DS now 4) and we haven't with the one on the way, I really wanted a surprise, which has surprised my family a I can't usually wait for surprises smile

Out of 5 women pregnant at work I am the only one who has not found out. I left work yesterday and there were a few comments about not finding out and how difficult to buy neutral clothing, but we've got plenty of things for the little one.

offonajolly Wed 10-Apr-13 13:02:58

We're going to find out, mainly because I think there's a little person in there and their life has already begun...so I want to think of them as a he or a she rather than an 'it' - birth is just the part where you get to meet them but they have been living for a while before that!

dizzyhoneybee Wed 10-Apr-13 13:08:24

We found out with ours, we were also told girl but had a boy. It was the same for us as with louby when we had an extra scan and the baby was obviously a boy and so we had to redecorate as well.

flipflump Wed 10-Apr-13 13:13:08

Offonajolly, that is such a lovely way of putting it!!

atrcts Wed 10-Apr-13 13:14:02

I have found out with this pregnancy because I found out with the first one. At the first pregnancy scan week we unnamed and ahhhhhed during the scan and only at the end said "oh go on then, show us what have we've got"!?!!!!
I was really glad that I found out the first time because I was convinced I was carrying a girl and it was actually a boy! It really helped me to get my head around the idea, of course it didn't matter to me it's just that I had a fixed idea that needed un-fixing!

Even though we knew it was a boy we got a lot of lemon and neutral (just in case) and also werehalf planning ahead to the second child that could end up being the opposite sex.

offonajolly Wed 10-Apr-13 14:30:38

Thanks smile I can't wait to start thinking about him or her and what they might be like, and to start talking to them smile

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