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Anyone else not wanting to breast feed?

(52 Posts)
Mariacbw Sat 06-Apr-13 08:26:49

I am 36 weeks pregnabt with my first and I don't want to breastfeed. I have done lots of reading on the pros and cons. There isn't one specific reason why I don't want to it just doesn't appeal to me. But, as 'breast is best' I feel like I am making the wrong or a bad choice. Does anyone else not want to bf? It seems like everyone does.

Sassee Sat 06-Apr-13 08:34:22

Me! Like you I've done the research and I'm still keeping an open mind but if this baby is born today (38+1) then I'm formula feeding.

My main reason may sound selfish but for me it's real, I had two miscarriages straight before this pregnancy and frankly feel like I've been pregnant for the last 18 months. I need my body back.

I'll love my baby with every inch of me just not these inches. (gestures towards voluminous bosom)

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Sat 06-Apr-13 08:35:12

You shouldn't feel pushed into it if you don't want to. It does take commitment. But I would say that if even a part of you want to give it a try then do. Even 1 feed is beneficial. If you don't try you can't go back and change your mind; if you try and don't like it you can always stop and switch to formula. Apologies if you're very sure you want to FF.

Sassee Sat 06-Apr-13 08:36:51

I've told my midwife I didn't plan to breast feed and she was very cool about it, didn't ask why just said in her view it was a mother's choice and that she's sure I would decide whatever was best for us as a family. She warned me I might get a bit of pressure in the hospital depending on who's on when the baby arrives but assured me most of the midwives were of the same view as her.

Fairylea Sat 06-Apr-13 08:38:59

Do what is best for you.

I chose not to breastfeed. I have two dc and both were bottle fed, no problems, no issues. It suited me and my family.

Be prepared for some people to have a pop or whatever but you don't have to justify yourself by giving reasons. Just say because you chose not to. That's what I've done and it's been easier than getting into stupid debates about it.

mrscog Sat 06-Apr-13 08:45:20

Even if to don't want to establish breast feeding, if you are able to give the colstrum (you can hand express and syringe if you don't want to put your baby to the breast) it will boost their immunity and stabilise their blood sugar after birth. Medical reasons aside I really can't see why you wouldn't do this for the first 48 hours.

LalyRawr Sat 06-Apr-13 08:52:37

I have an intense hatred of breast feeding. It makes me feel physically sick, turns my stomach, my palms get sweaty etc just thinking about it. If I see a woman breast feeding I have to leave the room or I will actually throw up.

I have no idea why I react like this, but clearly I had no intention of breast feeding. When I told my midwife this she said that she absolutely would not advocate breast feeding in this situation!

My daughter is bang on the 50th percentile for weight and has been since birth. She's happy, healthy and I'm sure grateful for me not throwing up on her every feed.

Themobstersknife Sat 06-Apr-13 08:53:04

All I would say is that don't make a decision for sure until baby arrives. I wasn't keen to bf but when DD1 arrived, it felt the most natural thing in the world and something I really wanted to do. If I had made up my mind, and got totally geared up to formula feed, I might not have tried or persevered with bf and that is something I would definitely regret. I had to switch to ff with DD2 for medical reasons and it is something that makes me sad every day.
I agree with HPsauce as well.

Mariacbw Sat 06-Apr-13 09:00:03

Thanks, I think I would be able to do it for first 24 hours and I will keep an open mind, it it feels natural sure ill carry on but at the moment my view is I want to bottle feed and a big concern is the hospital staff asking questions / pressurising. But ill just have to see how it goes and take it from there.

spanky2 Sat 06-Apr-13 09:04:16

I didn't bf either of my ds. I don't regret it and they were healthy babies . It helped me bond with my ds and their Dad could feed them and take turns with the night feeding .

Fairylea Sat 06-Apr-13 09:06:01

Mrscog a lot of women actually feel very depressed purely from expressing milk, even the colostrum. There is actually a name for it but I can't remember it (so frustrating)! It can actually lead to pnd and it a chemical imbalance so for these women (I'm one of them and suffered it with my dd who I did express colostrum for) it is simply not worth the anguish of expressing colostrum or attempting to breastfeed but I suppose it's one of those things you wouldn't necessarily know how you'd react until faced with the situation.

spanky2 Sat 06-Apr-13 09:06:54

There was no pressure from anyone . It is your body and your baby . Just tell them you have made your decision and you will not discuss it.smile

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 06-Apr-13 09:09:59

Op do what feels best and don't be force into anything- but I will say that all through pregnancy I was sure that I wouldn't breast feed the whole idea seemed weird to me. I had a chat with my mw who was fab and agreed that if it didn't seem right not to do it, same with the antenatal classses I was doing but around month 8 I started thinking maybe I'll give it a go for a couple of weeks and then stop,
My dd is 10 weeks and I'm EBF her- it didn't feel weird at all the first time- in fact I said to my oh 'its weird but this doesn't feel weird!' And to be honest I think I have an easier time of it that those ff bottles/sterilising seems hard work.
Again don't feel forced into anything but you might be surprised how comfortable and easy bf is smile

I would put it in your birth plan and make sure your birth partner knows too.

But I would try the colostrum - it is good stuff. I probably wouldn't express though - it's hard enough let alone immediate post childbirth!

I do feel sad when people decide not to bf - that's my issue though. Mainly because my two were intolerant to dairy so worry that some babies might not do well on ff (I remember a baby in the bed next to me who threw up every feed from day 1, she was ff).

ChocolateCoins Sat 06-Apr-13 09:19:04

I would still try and give the colostrum if you can. It will boost your babysimmune system. You can ff after that. At least you will be keeping your options open.

I believe that every baby should be given colostrum if possible. I say that as someone who intended to ff but ended up bfing for 18 months after giving DD colostrum.

Good luck smile

gabsid Sat 06-Apr-13 09:19:41

I would do it at least for the first couple of days, to give the baby the best protection you can.

After that, if you do keep an open mind you will probably not like it and stop, OK.

It took me about 8 weeks to like it and after that, really, I never understood why people wanted to fuss with getting up in the middle of the night, prepare bottles, strilise them and think of all the stuff you have to haul around with you when you go out.

But its your choice.

Fairylea Sat 06-Apr-13 09:34:17

www.d-mer.org/

Ahh that's what I meant.

I never found bottle feeding a faff. Department of health says you can make bottles in advance as long as you use just boiled water (needs to be hot.enough to kill bacteria in the milk powder) and then quickly cool them in a sink full of water and them put them in the fridge. When you need one you can warm in the microwave for 20-30 seconds till room temp and then swirl throughrally to ensure no hot spots.

If you're going out you can now buy ready to use bottles of sma with screw on sterile teats. Easy.

NTMummy059 Sat 06-Apr-13 09:45:24

I really don't want to breastfeed! Can't put my finger on the exact reason why though and I wonder if I'm being selfish .. But I think baby needs a happy stress free mummy, so do whatever you're most comfortable with!
I've had a few hmm looks when discussing it with family/friends .. But it's your baby so don't feel pressured into anything.

I only bottle fed DD1 and she is perfectly healthy and never had any problems. Meant I could get into a routine quicker and DH could help with feeding to. I was the same had a Mmc just before I fell pregnant and it does feel like your pregnant forever. I'm 35 weeks now and plan to just bottle feed again.

My health visitor was quite judgemental but the midwives were really supportive.

gabsid Sat 06-Apr-13 10:34:58

Fairylea - that's exactly whay I mean! Seems a lot of fuss and expense. I only had to start fussing after about 6 months when the babies wanted to eat food.

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat Sat 06-Apr-13 11:25:31

I do want to breastfeed but firmly believe it is not up to Midwives to make women feel bad about their choices.

My mum didn't breastfeed me or my siblings, she said she just couldn't do it. She was bullied on this issue by the Midwives (this would be the 70s and 80s). My dad had to step in and very firmly tell the Midwives my mother and he would be deciding how they fed their children.

Hopefully things will have changed these days, but don't be afraid to be firm (or have somebody be firm on your behalf). It is absolutely your decision and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it.

EcoHippyMum Sat 06-Apr-13 12:48:31

My mother didn't breastfeeding me as she couldn't apparently; I have a feeling her diet wasn't the best but apparently her children didn't thrive! I am 39, they tried all sorts of formula and apparently I was I'll all the time till the hospital told her to try cows milk and sugar!!!! I have three kids, wasn't sure about bf'ing with the first but took to it like a duck to water and had perhaps too much milk! Did bf second till she was 4 months and had to stop because they put me on anti-inflammatories, then with third breast fed all the way to 21 months (but only morning and night feeds past a year old). Do what feels right for you, and what makes you comfortable. x

Creamtea1 Sat 06-Apr-13 12:56:56

As other people have said, you could always try expressing? I hated th actual act if bf'ing but I was happy to express any milk I could and feed that in a bottle. I found it more awkward whilst out (either with other mums or not) to breastfeeding rather than bottle.

BoyMeetsWorld Sat 06-Apr-13 13:14:38

Laly - Im exactly the same as you - have a real phobia of breast feeding where can't stand the thought and site of it without feeling physically sick. Goodness knows why.

I did actually breast feed ds1 for 6 minths. Probably as it was 'the thing to do' but I hated every second. Wherever we were, I'd lock mysf away. Even out visiting a castle - made DH stand guard while I locked us up in a tower. Certainly wouldn't let him be in the room.

It must have had an effect because DS actually lost wait whilst I was bf'ing.

We both did far better once I switched him to formula. The only plus in my mind for bf'ing is that it saves £

somethingbeginningwith Sat 06-Apr-13 13:51:10

I bf ds for a week before I realised I was spending every feed in tears because 1. he's an incredibly hungry boy and I was finding it so painful and 2. I just wasn't enjoying it and I wanted my body back for me. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing it if you don't want to. DS has been on formula since and is a very happy, healthy baby. I'm happy I gave him a week but at least this way, his dad, grandparents, aunties, uncles, etc can have that special time with him too. There's no point making yourself unhappy, I've been so relieved and relaxed since stopping. Do what you think is best for you and your baby because that's all that matters!

Myliferocks Sat 06-Apr-13 13:54:50

I bf DC1 for 8 weeks and hated every minute of it.
DC2,3,4 and 5 were all ff from the moment they were born and I was much happier.

Nuttyfilly Sat 06-Apr-13 14:00:05

Hi im not bfing either, i don't think its anything to be ashamed about! I didn't bf my ds1 and he is perfectly well and normal, it all our own choice, mine is solely because i want my body back to myself, also the thought of feeding in public really doesn't sit comfortably with me as im a private person. Each to there own my midwife fully supports my choice. Im 37+6 at the minute and my mind is made up, bottle feeding isnt a faff either.

elQuintoConyo Sat 06-Apr-13 14:07:28

I'm one of the ones who tried to bf but couldn't (huge DS, voracious eater, tore nipples to shreds) and went to ff within 2 days.

I have never found it a faff. Babies are happy drinking cold milk, so no need to warm it up (I'd take a bottle out of the fridge 1 hour before I thought DS was going to need it so it wasn't too cold).

DS was born 3 months after DSIL's DD who is exclusively bf. We've never spoken about the whys and wherefores; however, her DP and her MIL have both made comments along the 'breast is best' line when I've been in earshot and I had to tell them to 'mind their own business'. If a stranger makes a comment like that, or 'I wouldn't ff MY DC' etc, I just say 'woopie-doo', quite frankly! (people annoy me!).

Bf/ff is just the first of many 'oh, you're doing X, are you?' comments you will get until DC are 18 years old! Too many baby classes/no baby classes, nap in the cot/on you, sleep outside in the garden/don't go for a walk it's too cold... blah blah blah.

Make a mental note of the particularly outrageous comments you hear and post them on MN as someone did a few weeks back - it was a hilarious thread!

Congratulations, by the way thanks

Voodika Sat 06-Apr-13 14:16:23

See how you feel when the baby is born.
I've done both and think there are pros and cons with both bf and ff. Sterilising, making and carrying bottles around is really easy, watching daddy or grandparents feeding the baby is lovely. Breastfeeding can take a bit of effort to get going but I loved the cuddliness and closeness and was able to read lots, you also have both hands free for Internet shopping!!
The worst thing was trying to express colostrum and milk for my firstborn. It was virtually impossible, exhausting and for me the worst of both worlds.

SevenReasonsToSmile Sat 06-Apr-13 16:25:43

I used formula with my 2 after 'failing' to BF both times due to them being a month early and not having a strong enough sucking reflex. I expressed for 6 weeks with DD but just found it so draining taking 30 minutes to express a few ml several times a day plus FFing every 3 hours. I felt I had really let her down when I eventually gave up, I never want to feel like that again, I would have enjoyed those first few weeks so much more without the expressing. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with DC3 and going straight to FFing this time.

If anyone says breast is best, I'll be responding with what's best is a happy mum and happy baby.

Lydia161290 Sat 06-Apr-13 16:40:27

I've chosen not to breastfeed. It doesn't appeal to me at all, even the thought of expressing is just a no. But I have yet to give birth and see my baby, even though i'll be very surprised if I have that urge.

Why not give it a go for a few days if it's not for you then ff. I bf both dc and have not even considered not for dc3 (39 weeks) my choice. ALL of my friends had an opinion with my dc, all ff and all made many many nasty rude comments to me. I carried on feeding smiling as whatever they thought I was doing what was best for me and my family. Just as if your choice is to ff you are doing what us best for you.

Unlike my 'friends' I coukdn't give two hoots how their dc are fed snd gave never remarked about their choices. happy and healthy more important than how.

Apologies for terrible autocorrects smile

LandsN Sat 06-Apr-13 17:42:50

My ds was a big boy (9lbs at birth) and even though I didn't want to breast feed it was a good thing cos at 6 weeks he was put on hungrier baby milk as he was always hungry so it was better for me to see what he was having I didn't with my dd either and I won't with dc3 as I am 10 wks pg again both dc very healthy no problems at all good luck and don't ever feel pressured into anything it's your baby your choice x

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:51:52

I am not sure I will this time.

I tried last time. He was biggish (9lb 3) and lost 12% of weight in the first week and which point the midwife panicked me into getting formula down him. He always seemed to be hungry after I'd fed him. sad I managed 9 weeks mixed feeding, but I really struggled feeling like every feed was evidence I was failing him. I felt much better - mentally - once I'd give up.

I hadn't been around many breastfeeding women at the time and have since seen lots of friends have babies. So I wonder if in retrospect if I didn't give it long enough to get established. However, having seen friends establish it, it does take time & commitment. I am just not sure I am selfless enough tbh.

I also don't feel comfortable about feeding in public and both mine & DH families weren't particular pro-bf so I felt like they all felt more comfortable when I'd give up.

I personally found the midwives were pro ff if anything! I was also told to give him a bottle in hospital after his birth. She said I needed to sleep (he was screaming through hunger) and to rest whilst I had my blood transfusion.

I am not sure I was every that pro, I just felt I should try as that is what is positioned as best etc.

It is worth keeping an open mind. Lots of friends think it is great and never want to give it up.

polkadotsrock Sat 06-Apr-13 20:46:51

I bf ds and will most likely this one too. I never felt all that strongly either way and still don't, and I never ever came across anyone who did- or at least not to my face. I fed him everywhere, although reasonably discreetly, and never encountered an issue there either. Do what feels best but if its any help I didn't find it difficult at all, it isn't always a slog that you have to stick at to get right.

BabyHMummy Sat 06-Apr-13 23:06:55

If you don't want to bf then don't hun. It is entirely your decision and as someone else said, just tell the hospital that you have made you choice end of.

I. Normally take wrong painkillers which cross the barriers so depending on how much pain i am in after i give birth will depend on whether i do or don't. I know plenty of ppl who bf and plenty who didn't...all kids are fine happy and healthy. Can't see it makes a huge difference if i am honest

Dogsmom Sat 06-Apr-13 23:45:24

I'm another who didn't want to bf, I never had a single pushy or negative comment from any midwife or health visitor either.

My dd is now 4.5 weeks old and thriving, she'd gained 10oz by day 5 and 2lbs by 4 weeks old, she's very content which makes her a great sleeper and only wakes every 4-5 hours for food then off again until the next one.

It's so convenient and not too expensive, we've used 3 tins so far so it's worked out at about £24 for a months food.

glossyflower Sun 07-Apr-13 09:13:20

Don't feel bad! You do what's right for you and what you are comfortable with.
My baby is due in a couple of weeks and I do want to breast feed but I know plenty of ladies who haven't even tried with breast feeding and just use the bottle.
BF has only really gained popularity again in recent years.
20 years ago it was the norm to bottle feed and with some mums the thought of BF didn't even cross their minds!
All the best.

MammaCici Sun 07-Apr-13 09:34:20

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to make a suggestion. Would you consider bf even for a week so your baby gets colostrum? Admittedly I am an extended breastfeeder and I have witnessed the benefits first hand such as DH and I both having a dreadful flu and DS breastfeeding his way through it without even a sniffle.
While I respect it's your choice you may feel even a little different after the birth. Perhaps a little of both breast / formula could work for you. Any breastfeeding is better than none for baby.
Best of luck.

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:37:10

I bottle fed twins and tried to BF my daughter but at two days old I could smell the keytones on her breath so I knew she was not getting the nutrition she needed. I switched to bottle and expressing. After a week of hand aching hard work expressing with a tommee tippee I switched to the medela swing electric and pumped away - I could then both give breast and formula via the bottle - satisfying my need to see she was actually eating, as I had friends whos BF babies did really poorly till they switched to bottle.

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:37:49

But I also had plenty of friends who breast feed sucssfully.

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:38:51

*sucessfully

Sunflower1985 Sun 07-Apr-13 20:06:49

I got the impression from my midwife that if I don't bf I'm a bad mother - she really laid it on thick. When I told her I would want an epidural I might as well be saying I was going to ear pierce my baby as soon as it came out! Luckily she's at a midwife led centre, and I'll be going to the hospital so won't have to deal with her.
I intend to bf, but (and I've not old anyone this), I find the whole idea creeps me out. Makes my skin crawl. Totally relieved to know I'm not the only one.

Chunderella Sun 07-Apr-13 20:23:40

I read on here that something like 80% of women say whilst pregnant that they intend to bf. About 650,000 women give birth in the UK every year, 20% of that number is 130,000. Some of will be women who would prefer to bf but know they can't or shouldn't for whatever reason, but many will be women who feel as you do. So no, you're not alone by any means. As you didn't ask for anyone else's views on your decision or what others would do in your shoes, posts about people's disbelief and disapproval that anyone wouldn't do colostrum are at best irrelevant and at worst actively rude. But there's also been some useful stuff on this thread- it isn't uncommon for women to change their mind about preferred feeding method once baby is born. I respect the fact that the women who have phobias etc won't, but you don't mention anything like that. So I agree it might be a good idea to make sure you know about both methods beforehand, to make sure you can do either if you want. Good luck.

Decide when your baby arrives, as hormones are funny things. I'd always assumed I'd FF, and bought bottles etc in advance. Post birth I started to BF immediately and it felt right.

There is so much pressure these days women lie about bf-ing all the time. I know several who FF but now tell me they BF, just because I am. I think they feel I might judge them. I wouldn't at all.

weebleknievel Mon 08-Apr-13 08:43:15

I intend to FF, my boobs are for me and my DH and we get a lot of pleasure from them when I'm not pregnant (TMI sorry!) I can't even stand to look at them or let DH touch them when pregnant because of the hormonal changes which have made my nipples (in my opinion) look repulsive. Also I've been so ill with pregnancy that me and DH are looking forward to getting the old me back.

The thought of BF makes me feel sick and of all the elements of pregnancy and birth it's the one thing that makes me feel squeamish. I know I would be stressed by BF. My midwife says that whilst there are lots of benefits to BF, there is no evidence that FF is bad for baby and it won't make me a bad mother, quite the opposite as baby would pick up on my stress from BF which won't be good for either of us. Midwife has written on top of my birth plan highlighted and in big letters "wants to bottle feed" so I don't get pressured.

I do find that some women who BF (not all) are almost evangelical about it like it makes them a supreme being or something which of course it doesn't. You do what is right for you, anyone that passes comment just tell them to bugger off!

doublecakeplease Mon 08-Apr-13 08:58:59

If you don't want to then don't. I didn't want to - no particular reason, I just didn't want to. DS was born prematurely by emcs and taken to scbu. A midwife brought me a pump and told me that my poorly baby needed my milk and that i must try. I tried, expressing pitifully for a week before trying to bf. I hated it (DS took to it relatively easily for a prem. I had no pain but hated it. ) DS was actually readmitted with a serious reaction to some meds i was on (was told they were safe to bf on) and we very nearly lost him. I had to stop bf - i still feel guilty for making him so ill. I was visited by a bf support worker who dismissed DS' reaction and repeatedly said that 'mummies milk is best' which did nothing for my guilt...

Sorry for hijacking slightly feel better now lol but if it's not for you then don't. Bugger all to do with anyone else.

Shootingstarsandcomets Mon 08-Apr-13 09:08:58

It's nothing to do with anyone else so do what is right for you.
Breast milk is better for them it is true and that is not under dispute however formula milk is not poison and will do your baby just fine.
See how you feel when baby arrives. I loved bfing ds and it helped me lose weight- back to a size 10 in 3 weeks smile there are lots of benefits for mum too but it's totally your choice.

givemeaclue Mon 08-Apr-13 09:16:49

You do what is best for you. I would be surprised though if you don't get a whole lot of pressure in hospital.stick to your guns and take everything you need to bottle feed with yet, don't rely on them giving you what you need or helping you.

I

DolomitesDonkey Mon 08-Apr-13 09:17:47

It's a perfectly valid choice. I found the sensation physically repulsive and chose not to bf my second. Nobody on earth has the right to tell you what to do with your body. The science is decidedly "hooky" too - see fearlessformulafeeder.com for further details!

Congrats on your soon to be new baby.

MillyMoo1113 Mon 08-Apr-13 09:17:58

You will just need to be firm with the midwives in hospital if you want to ff.

I tried to bf my ds after an emcs, gave up the minute I got out of hospital and had intense pressure whilst in hospital that this was best for baby etc etc with no regard for how much I hated it at all. It very nearly had an effect on bonding with ds.

With dd I was adamant all the way that I wanted to ff, despite the midwife trying to convince me otherwise whilst I was still on the operating table after she was delivered being stitches up Ffs! But i stuck to my decision and it was the right decision for me.

You know what's best for you and what feels right for you and your baby, be firm if you need to!

Good luck!

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