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My husband has gone AWOL - am 34 weeks pregnant

(88 Posts)
CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:28:21

DH has history of depression and self medicating it - he binge drinks then is teetotal for long spells. He started a new job back in Novdmber and has been having issues (the normal ones you get in a new job) but he can't cope and on Wednesday morning he went off in our car and hasn't texted or called. He had been drinking the night before. We have a four year old DD.I'm feeling hopeful at the moment but come bedtime (DD's) I'm going to feel terrible. My nan died last week and we had her funeral yesterday. I'm wondering if my preggie moaning has driven him away. Btw - for mist of time together IVF been main breadwinner - I don't think he likes the current role reversal.

babyradio Fri 29-Mar-13 17:36:09

Don't feel responsible for this, he's a grown man. Probably not got the greatest of advice but since he's been missing a while now you can contact the police to help you.

I am sure you know that drinking alcohol with depression will not help and certainly isn't a form of self-medicating! Perhaps once this is resolved it's time to get someone else involved to help him with that.

I'm just speaking from personal experience with a family member and hope you're not offended - it's just what I would do.

He has responsibilities to you and to your daughter and disappearing without a word is not acceptable behaviour. I hope you get this sorted out.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:39:03

I was thinking of calling the police radio, may do after DD is in bed. Had a bit of a scare the other week so trying not to stress for the baby's sake.

babyradio Fri 29-Mar-13 17:49:11

It's amazing to me how selfish men can be sometimes, I love my boyfriend but he's a law unto himself. I'm sorry about your nan too, sounds like you've got a lot on your plate to begin with.

You can always call the non-emergency police number for advice, but it might actually be worth reporting him missing because it will have repercussions and might shock him into realising he can't be doing things like this.

I hope he turns up and apologises profusely for causing you more stress. Can you contact his family or friends at all?

Queenofknickers Fri 29-Mar-13 17:51:40

I am so sorry about your nan thanks

Please call the police - it sounds as if help might be what he needs.

Have you got people in real life who can come and be with you and support you?

Please don't think it is your fault for "Preggy moaning" - depression and alcohol are complicated and you cannot ( in my opinion) save someone from it without professional help.

Hang in there, get some help, get some support. BIG HUG

YourHandInMyHand Fri 29-Mar-13 17:53:33

So you had your nan's funeral yesterday, are heavily pregnant, have a pre-schooler, had a scare last week and he has gone off in the car not getting in touch or letting you know where he is/ that he's okay? I feel so angry for you! angry

Sounds to me like HE wants to have attention/ be looked after/ be worried about. The focus is rightly on you so he's turned the tables. Instead of worrying about him I'd be annoyed at how pathetic and selfish he is being at a time when you really need him.

balia Fri 29-Mar-13 17:54:43

You must be so worried! Do try and keep as calm as you can (I know easier to say than to do) are you managing to eat?

Have I read it right that he's been gone for 2 nights now? I'd phone the police NOW.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:55:02

I'm going to call that number. I've spoken to all his family. He's gone off before but told me he wanted time out. But never for more than a day. And I've known he was ok

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:56:42

balia I think my nan dying has 'distracted' me from panicking but I'm calling the police when I put DD to bed - which will be in a few minutes because she was up at quarter to six this morning.

lunar1 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:57:05

I'd be phoning the police too op, so sorry you are going through this.

ng1412 Fri 29-Mar-13 17:58:01

Gosh how scary for you. Hope he comes back soon. X

Hopingforno2 Fri 29-Mar-13 18:00:29

No advice just hope you are ok xx

balia Fri 29-Mar-13 18:01:55

I'm so sorry for your loss. A death does kind of put things into a weird perspective...sorry, not being at all helpful. Didn't want to read and run.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 18:02:40

Thanks everyone. I know I'm going to fall apart at some point. My mum and sister live very near - my sister in the next village. My mum down the road. My dad and step mum live 45 minutes away. They all know. DH's parents are a bit useless - a bit wet but lovely - my family are very 'can do' so am grateful for that.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 18:07:12

He does have his driving licence etc on him. My main concern is that he has the money for our mortgage and general living expenses in his account. And he could be spending that money on God knows what. He probably isn't but... This is why I hate the fact I'm having to rely on him. I'm wondering if that might be why he's gone off. I was trying to get him to put all the bill rent and food money into my account when he gets paid but it seems to be an issue for him; to hold on to money. Most of the last six years I've had to pay for everything.. And had the earnings to do it. Am going to put DD to bed now - she knows nothing of what is going on.

glossyflower Fri 29-Mar-13 18:09:23

career my heart goes out to you it really does.
Sending you big hugs. We are here for you any time of the day.

ExpatAl Fri 29-Mar-13 18:17:50

Oh no, Career, I'm so sorry you're having this massive stress. You don't need it at the best of times but after your scare and nan dying this is really too much. I would call the police. I hate to sound pragmatic but you need to know where that money is. Best wishes.

Flojobunny Fri 29-Mar-13 18:22:49

What did the police say?

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 29-Mar-13 18:35:22

Hope you have managed to contact the police CareerGirl. Depression is a horrible, horrible illness and can make people do things they would never dream of doing if they were well. For this reason, try not to worry that it is something you have done (easy for me to say, I know hmm).

Have you got someone staying with you tonight to give you some support?

ElliesWellies Fri 29-Mar-13 18:40:17

I'm not sure this is all about depression... it sounds about control.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but if his depression is affecting him this badly then he should seek medical help rather than abandon his heavily pregnant wife, recently bereaved, and four-year-old daughter, without saying anything, and taking the money for the rent and bills. Disgusting behaviour. Don't even get me started on the 'self-medicating' by binge drinking. He has responsibilities now and it is morally incumbent on him to do his very best to get his depression sorted out... it doesn't sound like he has tried to do this?

Anyway, I hope for your sake that he turns up soon so you aren't worrying. But I would lay it out for him - he must now seek help for his depression - it is massively unfair for you to have to put up with this.

ENormaSnob Fri 29-Mar-13 18:42:40

He sounds like an absolute cunt tbh.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 19:24:47

I've spoken to the police - they asked if I've called local hospitals and took down loads of details. Someone from our local police force is coming round this evening to see me.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 19:26:43

Ellie I totally agree but I see his behaviour as a symptom of an illness. He thinks he's crap and worthless and nothing I can say will make him feel better. He's tried counselling - but not gone often enough or believed it would help him.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 29-Mar-13 19:26:53

Will someone else be with you when they come round?

NewChoos Fri 29-Mar-13 19:36:24

He os behaving very badly and possibly using his depression as an excuse for his behaviour - not wishing to sound too harsh but have had experience of this....
Not everyone with depression treats their partner badly - it's more common to be grateful that they are sticking around and trying to help.
Can your family stay with you?

LuckyOwl28 Fri 29-Mar-13 20:24:07

Are there any family members who can help out? Sounds like too much for you to be dealing with at any time - let alone 34 weeks pregnant!

Maybe they can ring around trying to locate him, or look after the little one while you male necessary phone calls?

Really feel for you, hope he comes back soon xx

BabyHMummy Fri 29-Mar-13 20:27:30

As someone who suffers with depression i am shocked by come of your comments.

Careergirl - i hope he is found safe and sound hun. As some say don't blame anything you have done. When that blackness sets in its impossible to see or think about anything clearly. He won't be doing this to deliberately hurt or upset you it simply won't have occurred to him that you will be worried. He will be so wrapped up in how bad he is feeling. He won't mean to be selfish its just how the illness takes hold of you.

Away strong and make sure someone is with you tonight! Keep us posted Xxx

Manchesterhistorygirl Fri 29-Mar-13 20:29:21

Career I hope he's home very soon. There was a similar thread just yesterday and MNetters were amazing and got a missing campaign up and running on twitter. We can do the same if you would like.

Holding your hand.

thewhistler Fri 29-Mar-13 20:32:45

Couldn't read and run..

It sounds as if everything is just too much atm for him. Not your fault at all, and yes he is being v irresponsible.

But as a depressive it can feel as though the best thing for the people you love is just not to be there. Those who are nor depressive IME find that hard to comprehend emotionally let alone morally.

Well done for calling the police.

When he is found, comes back, get him help. Ads + CBT.

Hope all goes well and look after yourself

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 29-Mar-13 20:37:45

I thought the same BabyH. After all of the awareness that is raised regarding mental health issues these days you would think people would have some idea. Apparently not.

OP, I hope you have the support you need and you find him soon. It's hard to help someone with depression who doesn't want to be helped but I hope he sees sense in the very, very near future.

YourHandInMyHand Fri 29-Mar-13 20:58:14

I wrote rather harshly of the OP's husband - I wrote as someone who suffers from depression and is on antidepressants, has had counselling, etc. I am clued up on depression and live with it daily but the fact I have a child forces me to confront my depression, take medication from my doctor, attend counselling - I owe it to my child and even though I don't feel the need to do it for myself I do it for him.

I do hope he is found safe but that doesn't mean I don't also think him selfish. Yes depression can make you selfish but "medicating" with alcohol is not the way to tackle it.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 29-Mar-13 21:23:23

In fairness, YourHand, your post wasn't the worst. It is great that you are in a position where you keep going for your child. Perhaps he has not got to that point yet. It took me about a year of drinking myself into stupor before I did anything about my depression, or even admitted I had a problem to be honest.

I don't think I was selfish or pathetic, and i wasn't a 'c**t' because of it. I was really unwell. There are different degrees of it, some people deal with it better than others and no doubt some people do 'play on it'. We aren't in a position to know the extent of the OP's dh's illness but she is.

She has been left in a shit position, he does need to get help but, as you know from the sound it, it isn't simply a case of get a grip and pull yourself together.

Anyway, I hope for the OP's case he returns home soon and gets the help he needs. I cannot imagine how she must be feeling.

Over and out from me, it's a bit too close to home at the minute.

BabyHMummy Fri 29-Mar-13 21:34:29

Letme i was about to post something similar!!

So many people have told me lately that i should get a grip and thank my lucky stars i am pg but i cannot feel anything but indifferent about it.

Depression had a massive scale of severity and whilst some can see someting positive to drive them forward like you state your child was Yourhand other find it impossible to see anything positive to focus on.

People calling the gp's hubby names like c**t is both evil and unhelpful. The poor girl sounds out of her wits with worry. She needs support not people condeming her dh. She obviously lives him and wa.Ts to support him show about supporting hets!"

Saundy Fri 29-Mar-13 21:42:17

Didn't want to read & run OP I hope you're ok, he turns up safe & commits to seeking help.

Don't blame yourself, we're all entitled to have a little moan & you doing so is not the cause of his problems. Don't beat yourself up.

Unfortunately DP's problems cannot be fixed by you so try & apply your can do attitude to concentrating on yourself & DC as that is something you can influence.

Thinking of you x

SunshineOutdoors Fri 29-Mar-13 21:42:59

Hi op, I hope you're ok and the police have been and given some helpful advice.

I think whatever is going on with dh the first thing you need to do is make sure you and bump and dd are ok and supported. Do you have anyone, friend or family who can help maybe keep you company and be a bit of a rl listening ear?

I can't imagine what you must be going through but hope you hear some news soon to help with the worry you must be feeling.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 22:09:29

Police have been round - taken pics and details. It is like DH is two people - one kind, generous, loving and a wonderful dad to our DD. the other is a man who seems to sink so low it's impossible to talk him through anything. I have gone through all the emotions - including anger- he has left us in a horrible situation but if he was in his right mind he would not have gone off like that. Thanks for all your kind words. Just want him home and safe now

Saundy Fri 29-Mar-13 22:13:56

I really hope they find him or he makes contact soon. Can anyone be with you in the mean time?

I hope you will hear from him v soon and have him home safe and sound.

As others have said, the fact that he may be in the midst of depression will affect his judgement and his decisionmaking, however not every depressive will run away, so there is a 'selfish' and inconsiderate part of it.

I don't do FB or Twitter <<old fogey, cannot be arsed>>, but it can be a really good way to spread the word if you want?

I really hope you can get at least some sleep tonight x.

ElliesWellies Fri 29-Mar-13 22:58:04

Best wishes OP - I really hope he turns up soon.

To those defending his behaviour because of the depression - yes, when you are in the middle of an 'episode' of it, it can be impossible to see your way out. I have been there. I don't blame him for this. But this has been going on for some time, and during one of his 'better' periods, he needs to look at every option available. Going on like this when you have a child/children is not ok.

CareerGirl01 Fri 29-Mar-13 22:58:51

saundy my mum is here - she lives in the next road - so I'm not too far from help and support. At least I have Mumsnet too - am almost in years at the support I'm getting xx

babyradio Fri 29-Mar-13 23:36:34

I'm glad someones with you, have been checking back all evening to see if you're ok.

I wish there was more we could do to help, try and get some sleep and hopefully it will all be resolved soon.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 07:19:39

DH is still missing. It is some comfort that so many MNetters have offered support. At least now the police know they can track him via the car reg and his mobile. Today I have to take DD to a birthday party and my mum and sister will be round. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to te DD and my two DNs who are 8 and 12.

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 07:24:59

Sorry to hear he is still making. I hope you get come news soon hun.

As for telling the kids i would simply tell them he has gone away for a few days and him phone won't work and leave ot as that for now. Til there is actually something to tell them its not worth risking upsetting them.

Here for you xx

SunshineOutdoors Sat 30-Mar-13 07:29:51

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't really know what to advise, but for today, help your dd enjoy her party but make sure you talk to your mum and on here when you're feeling low. Really hoping for some news for you soon.

I know it's a horrible thought but have you rang round hospitals as the police suggested?

Numberlock Sat 30-Mar-13 07:48:16

Taking the depression out of it for a moment, you mentioned that he hadn't coped well with you becoming the main earner recently. How did that manifest itself?

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 08:23:11

numberlock he's the main earner now- most of the time it's been me. He's not good at having the pressure of having to earn. I know that sounds lame but to be honest I'm the most driven out of the both of us and didnt mind working - even after having DD. I'm a journalist and love my job. When he was in his 20s and early 30s DH loved his career. Bug he has wanted to retrain and do something else. He wants to do something more meaningful - again I can understand that. I said all he has to do is stay in his job till I end my maternity leave. So while the pressure is on now I've told him he can go and do something else when I go back to work. I sound bossy but I'm lucky to have found a job I love; why shouldn't he. I really do think he needs to go back on his meds and restart the CBT counselling. I'm hoping its not too late. My stepfather killed himself when I was 20 and you can imagine what is going through my mind.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 08:24:46

sunshine police said they are checking local hospitals as its now a missing persons enquiry.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 08:26:17

Numberlock that post makes me sound like a harridan - but one of us has to make decisions and its normally me. I don't like that at all.

Rockchick1984 Sat 30-Mar-13 08:28:27

Careergirl I hope he returns home soon safe and well. Once he is feeling a bit more stable, he needs to do something about this (again, speaking as someone who suffered depression in the past). He needs to see what it does to you, and what it does to your child (soon to be children). It may also be worthwhile him going to AA and stopping drinking - that way when he has an episode of depression he has to face it head-on rather than just drinking until he forgets!

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 08:37:43

Careergirl - sounds like you have done everything to support him. He won't and probably can't do anything about addressing how he feel until he hits rock bottom. I hope he sees how much you love him and gets the help he needs!
I am sorry to hear about your step dad and it can't be easy having that in the back of you mind. hopefully he has just gone on a bender and sleeping it off somewhere. Alcohol is quite a common crutch for men with depression. My dad used is for years but eventually realised he loved my mum and us more than the bottle. I hope you have the same result.

As hard as it is try and stay positive. Try not to think about amythomg other than home coming hone safe and sound work him tail between his legs.

Casserole Sat 30-Mar-13 08:43:30

Careergirl I don't have anything useful to say but i couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everything crossed he comes back soon and sorts himself out x

Saundy Sat 30-Mar-13 08:53:07

I was just checking back in, it sounds like you're doing everything right, keeping DC busy & having family around you. I know it's almost impossible not to think the worst but try & stay hopeful, when he sees that there has been police involvement etc it should help him to realise how serious the situation was & to seek out help again.

I hope you have some good news soon, I have massive respect for how you're coping, stay strong x

Numberlock Sat 30-Mar-13 09:25:54

It doesn't make you sound like a harridan at all! Let's concentrate on him coming home safely and then decide on the best way to handle the future.

Oh crap, he's still missing sad.
I am so glad you had somebody with you overnight and that your family are there.

I'd suggest you be as honest, but age-appropriate with your DD. And your DNs as well - they are old enought to pick up that something is wrong. And not knowing and imagining all sorts is much worse for children. Just say you don't know were DH is and that you are worried, but that lots of people are looking for him and he'll be home again soon hopefully.

Following the other thread recently were sombody's DP had gone missing, I have said to my DH in all seriousness if he ever felt the need to abscond for whatever reason, he is to leave a frigging note!! Depression, or debts, or not coping with new role, or whatever: surely a note to say "I am away and will be back when ready" or something would be a considerate thing to do?
Sorry, rant over.

You sound very 'together' and you are doing all the right things. Sounds like you have a busy day ahead which might help with distracting yourself.

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 10:14:55

I was going to stay away from this as close to home but came back hoping for some good news for you CareerGirl. Your sound like you have been a massive support to your husband and have done everything you can for him. I really hope he is home soon (and he can see sense enough to get the help he needs).

Ellie, no-one is 'defending' his behaviour, simply saying that there is a reason he has done this and calling him pathetic and a c**t is probably unfair and definitely unhelpful. His wife needs support not to be repeatedly told he is being selfish. It is obvious he shouldn't have done it and no-one is suggesting it is ok that he has. Hopefully the OP realises this is what people meant as she is the only one that matters anyway.

Queenofknickers Sat 30-Mar-13 11:24:09

Just wanted to check in and say I'm thinking of you. Wish I had something useful to add but sending you big hugs x

BoyMeetsWorld Sat 30-Mar-13 12:53:59

How awful....again, couldn't read and run. Thinking of you and sending support - lets hope that, for all his faults, you get him back soon safe and sound. You take care of that bump

thewhistler Sat 30-Mar-13 13:11:45

Career girl, you don't sound bussy or a harridan.

Sorry to hear he hasn't been tracked yet. Hope today goes well.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Sat 30-Mar-13 13:51:29

Just wanted to say I think you're doing amazingly well in extremely difficult circumstances. Really hope he turns up soon. All the best.

babyradio Sat 30-Mar-13 14:05:40

So sorry he hasn't turned up yet, you don't sound bossy at all, in fact you sound incredibly supportive and understanding. I hope you get some good news soon x

Longdistance Sat 30-Mar-13 14:17:32

What a way to live sad

<holds hand>

He needs to seek help ASAP with his depression, as this is effecting you and your family badly. If he won't listen, give him an ultimatum.

And make sure you sort put a joint bank account, so you can pay the mortgage when he has one of his moments.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:05:48

Still no sign of DH. Police need his iPhone account details. I'm wondering what they can do re. his bank account. I wish I had his password etc - could see where he last withdrew or spent money. Still trying to stay strong;, goodness knows how thanks for all your kind words x

Saundy Sat 30-Mar-13 15:13:57

Oh career I was hoping so much for you that he'd be back by now. Hopefully they'll be able to see if he's been using his phone - did they ask for his bank details too? At least you might find out that he's alive at least even if you don't know where.

I don't normally pray but whoever the god of missing DH's is I'm asking them to send yours back.

You will stay strong, it's clearly within you. My thoughts are with you xx

NewChoos Sat 30-Mar-13 15:18:13

Could you contact anyone at the bank to explain the situation?
Sorry if I was a bit harsh - my ex also had problems with depression and alcohol and also found work stressful.
Hoping for brighter times for you soon x

fatandlumpy Sat 30-Mar-13 17:26:09

I didn't want to read and run. I do hope you get news soon... hug

YourHandInMyHand Sat 30-Mar-13 17:38:45

Sorry to see he's still not been found Careergirl, I hope he turns up safe and sound soon and can get some support.

I know I sounded rather stroppy last night but I was just so cross for you, I do understand him being in a dark place though.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 18:21:13

I know - I get angry as well. Now I'm wondering what I've done and could I have done more to make him see the counsellor. The police are going to see what they can do about tracking his bank account.

NewChoos Sat 30-Mar-13 18:29:19

I honestly don't think you could have done more - he needs to want to get better/see the counsellor himself

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 18:37:58

It is unlikely that you could have done anymore. You sound like you have been a huge support to him and often people who are suffering need to realise themselves that they need help, meanwhile putting others through hell and refusing to accept there is a problem.

I am sorry you haven't heard anything. You are allowed to be angry, don't ever feel guilty about that. Hopefully you will soon hear he is safe and well and when he comes home he will get the help he needs.

I hope you don't try and go through this on your own and instead use the support available to you. Never feel guilty, this is not your doing in any way, shape or form. You have done NOTHING to deserve this.

LittleBunnyFeileFooFoo Sat 30-Mar-13 18:38:05

Wow, this is the second guy who has done this to a pregnant partner in the last three days! What is going on?

OP, you sound like you're coping ok, I hope everything turns out ok. If I were you I'd insist on password access or a joint account, no ifs ands or buts about it, especially if he has form for this.

I get he's depressed, but leaving his family in the lurch like this is just not responsible, and if he can't be relied upon, he needs to hand you the reins until he gets some counselling and help!

Manchesterhistorygirl Sat 30-Mar-13 18:42:52

Just checking in. Sorry you've still no news.

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 19:49:13

Good news DH came home. Brought back by police - our car reg showed up on their system. He's not in a good way mentally but is okay. Xxxx

CareerGirl01 Sat 30-Mar-13 19:53:02

I don't know where we will go from here though. He needs counselling- but says he hates his job. DC2's arrival is 4 and a half weeks away - what a mess.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Sat 30-Mar-13 19:59:06

I'm so glad he came back. I think you need to get psychiatry input ASAP and get him on long term sick leave. He needs more than counselling. Go to the GP first thing on Tuesday or phone nhs direct now. His mental health is just as urgent as a physical problem.

In the meantime, he needs to share money with you so you're not left high and dry.

I wish you all the very best, life is not going to be easy for you all for some time. Take every it of help and support you can.

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 20:18:26

So glad he is home career that is brilliant news.

The girls are right about money and getting him help hun. As hard as it is he needs more than just counselling hun.

Sending love n hugs to you all

babyradio Sat 30-Mar-13 20:48:58

I am so glad he is home safe. Sick leave as someone else has suggested is a good idea. I hope it all works out.

thewhistler Sat 30-Mar-13 21:05:34

Ditto glad about his return.

Where did they find him?

Yes, emergency nhs to get things sorted over the weekend.

LetMeAtTheWine Sat 30-Mar-13 21:36:57

Oh, what a relief! You must be so pleased. It will be hard but getting professional help is the important step and give you the best chance of getting through it.

I wish you all the very best and hope you manage to get things sorted.

BabyHMummy Sat 30-Mar-13 21:54:34

Slightly off the wall suggestion butmaybe show him this thread? I know a couple of the posts may not help but a lot of people have offered support and understanding from their own perspectives and to are heia not alone in what he ia feeling may help nudge him in the right direction

Oh, thank goodness he's back in one piece - I am very, very glad for you and him smile.

I agree, he likely needs more than counselling.

Hope you both get a night's sleep, have a peaceful Easter weekend and then tackle what needs tackling next week xx.

Saundy Sun 31-Mar-13 10:19:02

I'm so pleased Career, what a relief.

I know it is only one small part of the problem you are having but DP also hates his job & I worry about the impact on his health. To try & offer some light I've made him a deal that if he just lasts the year he can take over my maternity leave at the earliest possible point & use those months to find another job & so never go back. It makes sense for us financially as I'm the main earner, plus I like my job & don't want too long out.

Clearly you have a lot more than that to sort out but it will be lots of small steps to do so.

I hope he gets the help that he needs and you can all move forward together.

Good luck x

CareerGirl01 Sun 31-Mar-13 12:05:35

DH is sleeping while we go off and have a roast lunch with friends and family. Is so good to know there are people who care and understand - hugs to everyone.

thewhistler Sun 31-Mar-13 22:47:41

I hope you had a good time and a nice meal, which will have set you up for whatever the next few days bring.

And I hope it was a happier Easter, whether or nor Easter is your thing, better than the alternative anyway, and maybe the bunny arrived for your dc.

Bunbaker Mon 01-Apr-13 12:07:46

I'm so glad your husband is back in one piece.
If the police have been involved it may help fast track some psychiatric help.

CareerGirl01 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:14:51

Thanks whistler and bun and everyone else. DH told me some stuff last night that explains why he went off the rails. We are going to see GP tomorrow and he's going to see about getting signed off sick. We are having a normal day today. Sadly my morning sickness has come back - am 35 weeks on Wednesday and have appoint with the consultant when he will give me date for ELCS. I'm not sure the indigestion/heartburn and sickness has come on because baby has dropped or is the result of having been stressed; I did manage to eat during the last few days but not so much today.

thewhistler Mon 01-Apr-13 17:18:31

Poor you, it's foul.. but not long now.

And if he is talking, that's good..so many men don't ever.

Hope gp goes well.

BabyHMummy Mon 01-Apr-13 20:40:13

That's brill news on your dh career so pleased that he is opening up and prepared to see Gp etc. Here's hoping its the start of him getting it under control and getting better.

I should think the sickness is the stress which hopefully should start to ease now he is getting help. Sending you huge hugs Xxx

DisAstrophe Mon 01-Apr-13 21:02:28

Glad he is back and willing to go to GP. I agree with those saying he needs your support. But it can't be unconditional. He must take GP's advice on drugs and counselling. And he must set up a joint account for his salary. Deliberately depriving your family of available money is not acceptable however ill you are.

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