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Shut up about your ruined vagina already!!

(63 Posts)
plannedshock Mon 18-Mar-13 17:48:51

Just that really, I can switch off to the horror stories of labour but its really freaking me out how many women are saying they are ruined down there-I expect change don't get me wrong but I'm being told you end up disfigured and never have sex and can't walk/perch again!!! Anyone had a baby and managed to be normal(ish) down there?

Panzee Mon 18-Mar-13 17:50:43

Yes, but I had two C sections. grin
You might get ragged, you might not. I assume those with more than one child did manage sex at least once more, so there is some exaggeration going on!

ohforfoxsake Mon 18-Mar-13 17:51:39

Yep. Not so much as a tear and I've had 4 (ranging between 7 and 10 pounds).

I do have to cross my legs when I cough/sneeze/laugh however wink

motherinferior Mon 18-Mar-13 17:52:49

How many women do you see, in daily life, unable to walk or perch? How many mothers do you know who go running? Look at all the ones who are pushing buggies - they seem to be walking perfectly competently to me.

You might end up with a bit of stitchery, but most of us manage a postnatal shag eventually.

ohforfoxsake Mon 18-Mar-13 17:52:56

Christ, reading that back I sound like I'm boasting. Hmm me and my amazing fanny. Ta-dahhhh!!! grin

HerbyVore Mon 18-Mar-13 17:53:31

Fear not, it's not always like that. I have had two large babies and it sprung back to normal quite nicely thank you.

I did use almond oil on the <ahem> general area and the perennials wink leading up to the birth which is supposed to help against tearing - don't know if it helped or it was just luck tbh, but had no stitches.

MoodyDidIt Mon 18-Mar-13 17:54:03

oh god i remember when i was pg with dc1 loads of "friends" saying stuff like this hmm

i am pg with dc3 and mine is fine! although had c/sections

i think sometimes it can be a tiny bit looser down there but as so many women go on to have dc2, 3, and more, i am sure they are still able to have sex.

i think sometimes people who have had dcs like to scaremonger a bit tbh

Mine was ripped, stitched then torn to smithereens grin
Still working though! wink

HerbyVore Mon 18-Mar-13 17:55:29

OH Katie, that just made me cross my legs shock

^"Mine was ripped, stitched then torn to smithereens
Still working though! "^

That really^^ Just...

Moody Just because your fanny is fine, don't assume others are scaremongering, things do happen and lots of women do end up with a lot of damage, lots are fine as well though so I guess the balance evens out.

One 9lb-er here. Minor tear which healed quickly. Still tight as a scotsman and I can laugh/sneeze without pissing myself. Result.

Take the horror stories with a pinch of salt.

OP, don't fret. I've had three babies and three episiotomys. That's a fair few stitches and I'm fine. I can walk, run etc and certainly have sex grin wink I reckon there would be zero chance of getting my vagina though a 'no mums' check point but I think that's unlikely to be an issue grin

Phineyj Mon 18-Mar-13 17:59:59

People only tell the horror stories as 'my fanjo is fine' is not a good story.

And even though my bits were like Frankensteins monster for a fair while, torn and all that.

Like Bunny still tight, can laugh/sneeze without weeing etc so it isn't always all bad even when you have a lot of damage.

plannedshock Mon 18-Mar-13 18:00:46

Haha thanks ladies!! I get my head around it might not be as pretty but it's nice to know I might be able to "put out" once in a while!!!

Tbh in my case from the outside I don't think it even looks any different. confused

And I am pg with DS2 and DS is nearly 18mo so...

You'll be fine, I'm sure. smile Even with damage it can normally always be repaired, when you think of the amount of women who give birth there are bound to be some who run into problems.

shrimponastick Mon 18-Mar-13 18:03:52

I have a fabulous fanjo thank you.


As said upthread you only hear the bad stories.

ISpyPlumPie Mon 18-Mar-13 18:08:56

Two DC (one over 9lb), two vbs, not a single stich and can still sneeze/cough/laugh without incident.

[Note to self - must stop posting on threads like this as, while potentially reasuring, it could start to look like v odd fanjo boasting should anyone ever be bored enough to search my posting history]

Good luck OP grin

TooYappy Mon 18-Mar-13 18:10:58

Mine is fine, always has been always will be (I hope), I ripped my arse too but that's fine now too. smile

When they tell you to stop pushing, you listen.

motherinferior Mon 18-Mar-13 18:14:38

Yes, I wouldn't get through a checkpoint either but in all honesty the stretch marks would give me away anyway...

Aspiemum2 Mon 18-Mar-13 18:15:03

4 dc's here and am joining in with the other fanjo boasters blush. All is as it should be, everything just 'pinged back' as it was before my huge belly is another matter sad

Loupee Mon 18-Mar-13 18:15:58

I had an episiotomy, then a third degree tear.
While things are not the same down there, I can walk, perch and with the help of pelvic floor exercises can laugh and cough with no worry of wetting myself. I do also have sex, it does feel different I think at least part of that is down to how different I feel about myself and DH (in a good way)
8 months on, I'd do it all over again!

TrinityRhino Mon 18-Mar-13 18:18:23

I've had three good sized babies

I can trampoline, run, perch(I think, what is that even?) and everything

I do need to go to the loo before I trampoline though grin

listen to your midwife during the birth
relax, believe you can do it

you'll be fine

NeverBeenToMe Mon 18-Mar-13 18:19:10

I had my 3-babies-through-it-vag complimented last week - "it's perfect - like a mouse's ear!" I was a bit - wtf - but heyho- eye of the beholder etc.

Fairy130389 Mon 18-Mar-13 18:24:25

If it ruined us that significantly, programmes like 16 kids and counting would be a lot less interesting...

I have to get up in the night to pee not because of fanjo Armageddon, but because I'm at a funny age wink

peachypips Mon 18-Mar-13 18:28:47

Have had two large boys- one episiotomy and one tear. Was fine within days. I only know one person who had longer term damage and she was fine after a year.
I find sex is better than it was before as I am looser. It is all tickerty boo down there!
TBH you don't even feel the tear when it happens- the contractions are more painful!!

Fairylea Mon 18-Mar-13 18:29:42

I had an episiotomy with dd and did feel different afterwards so I chose a c section with ds (dd was also traumatic labour in general). But I think I was unlucky... still in good working order though and sex is fine!

skrumle Mon 18-Mar-13 18:35:44

2 DCs - first one involved 4 hours in theatre after the birth as they tried to manually remove the placenta, second one was a CS after failed forceps.

despite first one having a head circumference on the 97th percentile i even had the nurse at my last smear test need to fetch a smaller speculum wine my fanny is just fine and dandy!

stargirl1701 Mon 18-Mar-13 18:39:26

Yes. I had a second degree tear but all is well now (6 months post birth). Pelvic floor fine too. IBS much improved.

Only advice: if the midwife says stop pushing, really try grin

NarcolepsyQueen Mon 18-Mar-13 18:54:29

I had a third degree and then 2 second degrees. Feels less sensitive for a while - then all back to normal. Fear not! The fanjo horror stories were true in my experience, but time is a great healer - and not too much time either!

Tore both times, had forceps, I can walk, go running, go on kids trampoline, bouncy castle, sneeze etc no problem whatsoever. Both big babies, as this one seems (36 weeks) though even when not pregnant when I need a wee I don't hang about!!

Pinkbump3 Mon 18-Mar-13 19:41:30

Lol poor you hearing all these horror stories! Honestly women would not repeat the process over and over if that was the case! I don't doubt some women may have trouble but I think the majority recovers well I'm pg with dc no 4 and everything is in tact and working well! Sex is better if anything, Only ever had 1 small tear which I never felt happening and it healed quickly with no problems! Good luck I'm sure you will be just fine x

pinkteapot Mon 18-Mar-13 19:55:51

Have had 3 big DCs n 30 weeks with no 4. tore all 3 times, didnt feel it due to the pain of crowning! fanjo back to normal each time, took a few wks after dc1 but that wasnt a great birth. vaginas are very forgiving things!

Fakebook Mon 18-Mar-13 20:01:52

After two second degree tears and stitches I'd expect my bits to be more ruined than your average woman. I have a good strong pelvic floor and <whispers> things got better in the bedroom department after dc2. Vaginas ping back to normal. Don't worry about it.

Oh and I can't recommend arnica drops enough after birth. I healed quicker than the first time with them, and made everything less painful down there.

TeWiSavesTheDay Mon 18-Mar-13 20:52:48

I had a 2nd degree tear. Yes, it is a bit different, but it's not horrific or ruined.

Oddly I find sex more satisfying and another mum friend confessed the same, so take from that what you will!

MiaowTheCat Mon 18-Mar-13 20:53:01

3c tear/cut last time from a very unpleasant forceps delivery - prepared to admit I got very lucky (mentally I had a lot more recovery to do and still haven't really but that's another story), being hospitalised for a couple of weeks with a preemie they were basically offering painkillers out the wazzoo but absolutely minimal pain, and I was pregnant again 3-4 months later so the required bits must have still worked correctly.

Other shit in the birth went horrifically - the tear and bit-rearranging was the least to worry about really.

slightlysoupstained Mon 18-Mar-13 20:57:09

Had an episiotomy - beforehand would've been horrified if I'd known I was going to have one, having heard horror stories. But it's healed up almost invisible - DP reckons the only sign it was ever there is a tiny silvery scar, literally a hair's breadth, which is only visible if you're looking for it. No other ill effects at all.

Be aware though, in the few weeks immediately after birth it will feel really weird - like everything's out of place. That doesn't last, all felt normal again after a few months.

In hindsight tho, would definitely have invested in one of those inflatable doughnut/valley cushions - would have made the fortnight after birth a lot more comfortable!

Dogsmom Mon 18-Mar-13 22:29:48

I had my pfb 11 days ago and had an episiotomy, I have no idea what it looks like or feels like down there as I'm too scared to check, all I know is I can pee & poo so 2 out of 3 holes are fine, the doctor may well have stitched my fanny shut.

I feel perfectly normal in my nether regions a mere 2 weeks post birth. OK so I have some not quite healed stitches, but they no longer hurt, nothing is flapping about, I don't leak wee and my baby's head size was on the 97th percentile. Ignore the horror stories. Some women seem to go in for them in an almost competitive way.

Kelly1814 Tue 19-Mar-13 07:38:44

precisely why i read this book (recommended by a kind mumsnetter)


and seriously considering elcs.

Contradictionincarnate Tue 19-Mar-13 07:59:21

I had stitches but its all fine ... I think I probably worried about things like this beforehand but its a small sacrifice I'm sure most would say and you will soon have lots more to worry about!

babynelly2010 Tue 19-Mar-13 09:08:57

I had 2nd degree tear and a labia tear. I did feel at times that it was all ruined down there especially when I found a labia tear that noone bothered to tell me about it. Now it is all fine down there (2 years on) not the same but not terrible... I found pelvic floor exercise helps. Need to do more nowadays as pregnant with second. I am not sure who goes around talking about their vaginas like that...

Chandon Tue 19-Mar-13 09:15:53

I was fine, no difference really.

Chandon Tue 19-Mar-13 09:17:33

...and mine were 9 pounders! (shameless brag)

peacefuleasyfeeling Tue 19-Mar-13 09:22:41

Please don't worry. Like you, I worried so much before DC1. Someone in a cafe I overheard just before birth, was explaining to her friend how she had gone from being a "neat rosebud to a loose Georgia O'Keefe orchid", which made me feel sick with worry.

I had a massive episiotomy, lots of stitches and some temporary nerve damage so for about 8 weeks I did think it had all come to pass, but then it was ALL FINE! tra-la-la! DP swears that there is absolutely no difference during sex. If I sneeze on a full bladder, I've found it is prudent to sort of bend forward a bit, but otherwise it's good.

trustissues75 Fri 22-Mar-13 17:48:00

I'm probably going to get flamed here but to be honest...

You chose to get pregnant and you seem like a relatively intelligent person....pregnancy, labour and birth is risky - all sorts of things could happen and a lot of the time it can't be completely controlled. Yes, you're going to hear horror stories because, well, horrible things can and do happen...and you're going to hear wonderful stories because they happen too.

My story - 22 hours labour, got stuck at 3 cms for over 12 hours decided on epidural even though that was not my plan because I just couldn't handle the pain. 3 - 10 cms in less than 15 minutes after that and DS was born less than an hour after that...and I didn't even have a graze - and he almost shot out - and I could feel everything but the pain so pushing was a complete doddle. My story though is no more or less valid than someone's story who had just about everything go wrong that you can think of and now has to face the possibility of a colostomy bag years later because the reconstructive surgery they've had hasn't worked....

Birth is risky.

Rockchick1984 Fri 22-Mar-13 19:26:01

My best friend is mildly incontinent since having her DD via c-section; my bits are all in full working order after a vb despite having an episiotomy - it really is the luck of the draw I think! Oh, and I agree sex is definitely better now - I read that it's because the nerve endings are closer to the surface after everything has been stretched out!

RPosieB Sat 23-Mar-13 19:57:44

Haha! Love this thread. Women do seem to love a horror story! My 'area' is very tidy thank you.
I'm reluctant to believe that there are legions of mothers out there with their vaginas hanging in tatters.
Ignore them. And do pelvic floor exercises!

RPosieB Sat 23-Mar-13 20:01:20

ps Dogsmom you just made me LOL!

Eletheomel Sat 23-Mar-13 20:12:52

I had a tear during last pregnancy and needed stitches, and afterwards i decided I didn't want to look as I was worried that it might freak me out.

So, I don't know what my 'undercarriage' looks like as I haven't seen it in 3 years - but what I would say is that it still functions exactly the same as it did before so even if its not that cosmetically attractive (and to be honest, i'm not sure I'd describe a 'normal' vagina as that pretty really) I still have a good sex life (although not in this pregnancy as I have no sex drive at all!) and whilst I was really worried about the 'wizards sleeve' issue and concerned I wouldn't 'feel' my DH in there at all, it feels just the same to me (and he's not bothered either!).

There will always be some women who suffer more in these things, but I think thats the exception rather than the rule, I'd work on the basis that everything will be fine, and if its not, well, you can deal with that when it happens.

RatPants Sat 23-Mar-13 20:16:11

Two natural births, no tears, no stitches and not really any different although I have to remember to do my pelvic floor exercises.

KatieMiddleton Sat 23-Mar-13 20:25:19

Well I've had to give up the porn centre-folds but it's otherwise fine wink

Seriously, I had labial tearing first time round and some stitching. It's not the same but it is not worse. I could have a piercing there without the piercing because there's still a small hole in one of my labia. No problems with trampolining, running, sex or anything else. Everything felt totally normal after 5 months.

Second time round I wished I'd done my pelvic floors after the first. Nothing major, just felt a bit dangerous to run or sneeze in last trimester. No tearing but probably because the whole thing was reshaped after dc1. I did have a bit of a prolapse just after birth but it seemed to go back up. If I cough violently I can feel my cervix pulling down but tbh I think that's due to pregnancy not birth and it'll go back up to normal again <squeeeeeezes> No stress incontinence and I haven't wanted to do sex yet but it's been 5 months so if the opportunity arose <ahem> I might be persuaded.

polkadotsrock Mon 25-Mar-13 11:45:23

I must confess- I developed a fanjo tonsil when I was pg with my first and it's never gone away. Odd thing, just inside but hangs when I'm on th toilet. I do wonder if its a hymen remnant. Not really what the thread was about but there you are.
All in all I had a fab labour and a 9lber, minor tear so no stitches and all was well for me. Though I did piss myself on a trampoline a whole year after having him and there being no other 'incidents'...

fatandlumpy Mon 25-Mar-13 14:07:38

fanjo tonsil!


FantasticMax Mon 25-Mar-13 16:04:04

Mine gapes open! I feel sick when I examine myself with a hand held mirror. So I don't do that anymore obviously. I had a 3rd degree tear, forceps and episiotomy. I find it difficult to do my pelvic floor exercises because of the nerve damage the forceps caused. I have a little probe thing that I insert to do them for me. I can still sneeze, exercise, etc without peeing myself though. It just feels a little uncomfortable sometimes. I go from feeling fine about it, to feeling depressed. I doubt I'll ever have another child because I don't want to end up incontinent, just can't face doing further damage to my pelvic floor.

On the plus side sex is better than ever!! So it's swings and roundabouts I suppose.

Chottie Fri 19-Apr-13 03:27:39

I last gave birth over 30 years ago (!) and had stitches both times and everything works just fine (still!).

I would only give two tips
1. make sure you dry yourself well every time you wash - we used to use a hairdryer, but I'm not sure whether that is still recommended, I are sure that a MN will say if it isn't.
2. do your PN exercises regularly, they really help.

It's sad to hear the same old horror stories are still doing the rounds. Just remember everyone is different, good luck and enjoy being a mum.

StiffyByng Sat 20-Apr-13 01:42:03

I had a 9lber too. Second degree tear, no stitches though, and a mild rectal prolapse which doesn't really bother me. I've been told it was probably there before I got pregnant and became more noticeable after my tear. Tear wasn't very painful and healed well. The first couple of attempts at sex post-birth were bizarre but it got better quickly and probably slightly improved on before. Apart from an unfortunate 'looseness' while throwing up in this pregnancy, no weeing issues at all.

dexterpat Sat 20-Apr-13 08:42:58

Had 2 no tearing no stitches etc both boys had 97th percentile heads and I'm only 5.3 - my ds2 birth was really fast 4 hours from start to finish labour started at 1am he was delivered by 4.30am all finished by 5am was discharged and home by 12noon!! The next day honestly the only thing that really hurt was my jaw from the gas and air!! I'd recommend using a jug of warm water for your first couple of wee's tho can be a bit stingy!!

All works fine after I'm pg with no3 !!

picnicbasketcase Sat 20-Apr-13 08:46:05

Episiotomy with first DC, healed perfectly. Slight graze from second, no stitches required. It's not a foregone conclusion that you'll end up with raggedy bits. Don't listen to the doom and gloom pedlars.

picnicbasketcase Sat 20-Apr-13 08:47:27

Just noticed this is an old thread, ah well, never mind.

OohShiny Sat 20-Apr-13 09:08:41

I had a very deep internal second degree tear, that went down to my anal wall I think (too high on gas and air to pay attention, but do remember the surgeon saying "how did something so small cause so much damage"! shock) I also had a slight tear near my urethra.

My tiny 6lb15oz DD did some damage on her way out as her arm was up by her head!

Nearly 4 weeks after the birth I'm feeling pretty ok. Still a bit tender and I had a look the other day, but can't see anything untoward on the outside.

No idea when I will be ready to try sex again, but I can pee fine and poo almost normally. (Need to do more pelvic exercises, think I damaged my pushing muscles getting her out as it feels a bit strange when I push)

I second the need for an inflatable cushion. I wish I'd had one, but that would have been more for the massive piles I was graced with, which I think, hurt more than my stitches!

EcoHippyMum Sat 20-Apr-13 09:25:30

I just asked DH as its my second marriage and will be his first child and my fourth and he reckons I don't really look any different to anything he has viewed before, so I am pretty sure mine is fine ;)

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