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When did you tell work & your family (advice please)?

(70 Posts)
Saundy Tue 05-Mar-13 07:52:42

Its really early days for me so I shouldn't have to be thinking about this just yet but I kind've do for the following reasons:

Work:
I'm asking for a pay rise & to be made full time today & don't want my boss to realise later on that I knew & didn't mention it. Feels a bit crappy not saying as I work for a good supportive company, BUT I'm only 5 weeks and it feels a bit early to be telling people.

Family:
I live away so will (most likely) only have 2 chances to tell them face to face either at the end of March - when I'll only be at the 8 week mark, or July when it'll be closer to the 26 week mark.

I quite like the idea of not telling anyone until July but can you hide it that long? My partner thinks not as I'm quite petite & he recons there's nowhere to hide it.

If anyone has any thoughts they'd be appreciated.

Bibs123 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:31:33

i told my boss at work early on because i was so sick and told my family because i was so excited.Sounds a bit wierd to me that you don't want to share your good news with your family... also i think it is wrong to mislead your employers. you should be open with them.

HazleNutt Tue 05-Mar-13 08:39:46

I told both after 12 weeks - had a mc just before this pregnancy, so didn't want to "un-tell" if something happened here as well. In your case, for work I would mention that you might have family plans - 5 weeks is very early, a lot of people don't even have any idea they're pregnant.

For family - can you get an early scan before you see them at 8 weeks? If there's heartbeat, I would tell then. Unlikely that you can get to 26 weeks without anybody noticing.

HappyAsASandboy Tue 05-Mar-13 08:47:48

I told my family am friends at 13/14 weeks, after the dating scan.

I told my boss at 16 weeks, then at his request kept it quite until 20 weeks so that we could tell my team what would be happening in my absence at the same time as telling them about my pregnancy.

I successfully hid it by wearing the same column shaped suit dress (no stretch!) every day for about 6 weeks! My colleagues may have thought I have few clothes, but they didn't guess I was pregnant. I waited until 16 weeks to tell my boss because that got us through our annual appraisals. I don't think the appraisal would have suffered because of the pregnancy, but didn't see the point in risking it just to tell a bit earlier. I took annual leave to cover early scan and midwife appointments.

I was carrying twins, and am fairly slim (though 5' 7''), so it is possible to hide it for longer than you'd think, as long as you pick the right clothes.

ladymia Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:50

I live far away from my family but I am very close to them (close family parents and brother) so told them as soon as I knew I was pregnant, around 5 weeks.

Work I only told at 16 weeks, It was not obvious I was pregnant until i was past 20 weeks already.

knittingirl Tue 05-Mar-13 09:39:48

I told immediate family between 4 and 6 weeks - basically, if anything had gone wrong then I would have wanted their support, so it made sense to tell them.

I told my boss at 7 weeks because I was feeling awful and had had a few days off, and told the office generally and the facebook world at 12 weeks just after my scan.

I'm in the camp of telling the people who need to know early, rather than waiting. Think about who your support network will be - if your mum will form part of that support network throughout pregnancy then tell your parents, if you need the support of work, then tell your boss (particularly if you know it is a supportive workplace).

Finvim Tue 05-Mar-13 09:45:41

I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 16 weeks gone - it was a bit of a shock at the dating scan! I didn't tell work until I was 20 weeks pregnant and no one noticed. I'm quite petite too and didn't start really showing until I was nearly 6 months pregnant. I was worried about telling my manager that I was pregnant because I hadn't been there very long, but I was very surprised at just how well she took the news. Unless you're sick, or work somewhere where you could put your babies health at risk (chemicals/heavy lifting etc.) I wouldn't rush into telling work about it. Tell them when you're ready.

CareerGirl01 Tue 05-Mar-13 10:16:56

I guess it depends how you feel, my morning sickness kicked in at 6/7 weeks with DC2 - there was no way I could hide my pregnancy - shame because I didn't show till 20 weeks!

Beatrixpotty Tue 05-Mar-13 10:22:38

I told family after the 12 week scan and work at about 14.I live miles away from my family and told them over the phone.They were so pleased it didn't matter that it wasn't in person.Problem with waiting until 26 weeks is that work & friends will know before family and I would feel as if family were more important than that.I don't think it is deceptive to get your pay rise & go full time now and not tell work,it is very early on and anything could happen.If you can work hard now & show your commitment they may feel more positive about you taking time off on maternity leave when the time comes.

beckie90 Tue 05-Mar-13 10:36:44

17+3wks havnt told anyone yet I darent tell my family lol. This is my 3rd baby I'm also slim but 5'6 so not petite heightwise but petite frame wise. I'm not so much as showing, but keep getting very bloated. My partner obviously knows. But nobody else has noticed xx

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 05-Mar-13 10:37:29

Told close family immediately (they knew we'd been TTC for a long time). Our choice of who we told before 12 week scan were people who we knew would support us if the worst happened. I told my boss at about 8 weeks because I got ill with a UTI (tracked to my kidney) and I needed time off. I'm a nurse so I needed to be careful at work.

You are obliged to tell your employer at least 15 weeks before your due date - how far along are you?

What are your reasons for not telling family at 8 weeks? Some people like to keep quiet until they've had the 12 week scan and know that everything is probably ok. I always felt that if it wasn't ok, I'd want support from certain friends and I'd prefer it if they already knew about the pg at that point. So I told them earlier.

The other reason for not telling early people is if you feel that they'll be a nightmare about it in some way - dismissive/critical/overbearing/controlling whatever. In which case, best to enjoy your pg in peace for as long as poss and tell them by phone at some point. I wouldn't rock up for a visit at 26 weeks having not told them though, that's certain to offend.

Saundy Tue 05-Mar-13 10:47:19

Thanks for the input guys.

I can see why it seems strange wanting to wait, its partially fear of having to un-tell people & partially just settling into the idea of it all myself.

I'm close to my family which is why I want to tell them face to face & while everyone is together on a holiday seemed like a nice time. BUT it is a long time to wait & I wouldn't want anyone to know before them so maybe its not practical, plus I guess it might hurt their feelings to have had it kept from them for so long.

I'm sure work will be supportive but again 5 weeks is so early to be telling people - but I have the fear of morning sickness kicking in next week and it being obvious I didn't mention it at the meeting (would be so typical!).

Its interesting to hear your thoughts though - thank you & congrats to the fellow preggers smile

KikiShack Tue 05-Mar-13 11:22:07

To add a late thought I told close friends and family - i.e. the people I'd want support from if somethgn went wrong, as soon as I knew- about 5 wks. I also told my boss early, around 7 weeks but only because she is leaving when I'm 12 weeks so I knew she'd be discrete and has no reason to tell the big bosses anything! It helped when I needed a day off to go to hosp after a small bleed.
However I really wouldn't tell work anything that might prejudice their decision on your pay / full time status. Legally they are not allowed to be prejudiced on these as a result of your pg, so why put them in a position where they might not be able to help themselves? I can't see any benefit at all, only neutral / possible detriment. I'd say you deserve to go back to work on the right salary and full time status after giving birth, and saying somehtign now could potentially jeopardise this. Only my view though.

elliejjtiny Tue 05-Mar-13 11:30:56

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and I've only told my parents and the GP/midwife although DH has told loads of people. I hate all the stupid comments that people make when you are pregnant so I've avoided telling people for as long as possible. I was planning on announcing to friends and wider family after the anomaly scan if all was well but they discovered a problem (cleft lip) so I'm waiting a bit longer. Got a 4d scan at 28 weeks and a growth scan at 30 weeks so will probably announce after that. I'm quite chubby though and tend to lose weight with sickness so can easily hide a pregnancy for ages.

elliejjtiny Tue 05-Mar-13 11:32:31

Forgot to say I'm a SAHM so no work to tell although DH told his work at 10 weeks I think.

LouiseD29 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:39:11

Congratulations!

I asked my boss for a pay rise and told him I was pregant in the same meeting. The pay rise was in recognition of the standard of work I had been doing and my length of service - and I got it! A long as you have solid justification to ask for a pay rise it shouldn't make a difference whether you are pregnant, so you should only tell them when you feel comfortable doing so.

I also told my immediate family at around 6 weeks when I had the chance to see them face to face. I would have wanted them to know, even if something went wrong, and it was truly wonderful to see their reactions.

Again, you should only do what you feel comfortable with - just sharing my experiences. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and hope all progresses well with your bump.

Kelly1814 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:20:16

congratulations!

this is a very interesting thread for me - as an expat my family are thousands of miles away so could tell them on the day i popped if i wanted to (not that i would want to keep it secret, but i am cautious about sharing before 12 and 16 week scans and tests)

work-wise the middle east has no maternity cover (45 days off!) so i would like to take my sweet time on this one - i can't stand everyone obsessing over it.

that said i work 12-14 hour days so not sure how much longer can physically do it for.

thanks for all the interesting responses!

Wishiwasanheiress Tue 05-Mar-13 13:34:01

Personally I'd repost the work question in employment. Whether or not your boss is supportive now isn't the question. It's whether they will be when u announce it. People change very quickly and not all positively.

I told family after the first scan. It was our precious secret before then and made us very close and was lovely.

abbyfromoz Tue 05-Mar-13 13:40:26

Told HR manager at around 10 weeks as i had severe morning sickness and literally crawled out of a meeting room on all fours one day as she walked past... Had to tell her it wasn't a hangover! Told family an friends driving home from the 12 weeks scan- ultrasound pic in hand grinning from ear to ear grin despite the nausea wink

marushka82 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:42:26

I told my work/manager after the 12 week scan and once I had the screening test results, I was about 15 weeks (two of my co-workers knew - they guessed when I said I wouldn't be drinking at the Christmas party!).

I announced it to most of my friends after the screening test as well, but waited until 20 wk scan to do a FB announcement :D

I told my mum pretty much straight after the test smile I just knew she'd support me if anything went wrong!

All in all it's great not to have to hide it anymore!

Lydia161290 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:52:12

I told work/family after my 12 week scan, as I couldn't wait, and even if your boss finds out you knew, he/she can't do anything because it's illegal to discriminate against pregnant women in a work force.

My manager at work even SUGGESTED I go for a full time position, but I didn't for other reasons. Haha.

I know some women wait until 20 weeks!

Dh2812 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:26:14

I told work at 20 weeks after my pay review and I'm really glad I waited. Unfortunately pregnancy and pay reviews don't seem to go well together! I have another girl in my team who is pregnant and between her inital performance review and the formal confirmation and pay review she told them she was pregnant. She had her performance rating downgraded and got no pay rise. This is at a company which recently won an award for being family friendly!

Told my family as soon as I knew and told friends after 12 week scan.

Congratulations by the way and hope the pay review goes well

Saundy Tue 05-Mar-13 18:29:15

Thanks for all your thoughts, it was really helpful to get some other perspectives.

I can say that I fully intended to tell my boss but when we were discussing the job it just didn't seem relevant to the conversation (if that makes
sense). It just felt way too early to be telling anyone, not to mention the fact that the payrise was 2 years overdue - which I got btw!

As for telling the fambo - there's 3 weeks to decide with my ever changing mind!

SuffolkNWhat Tue 05-Mar-13 18:29:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saundy Tue 05-Mar-13 18:39:41

Sorry to hear that - but also congrats!

I'll be honest I have no idea what HG means (or any of the other abbreviations apart from MIL & TTC) though it doesnt sihnd pleasant. Where do you learn them?!

SuffolkNWhat Tue 05-Mar-13 19:46:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMillions Tue 05-Mar-13 20:25:19

OP glad all went well with work.

I'm 21+5 with DC1 after 2 MCs that both immediate families and my boss knew about. With this one we told my parents around 8 weeks, my sister and BIL at 9 weeks, and PILs at 11 weeks. With my family was first time seeing them since finding out, I'm not able to bluff not drinking, and we knew they'd be amazing if the worst happened again. Was wonderful to be able to tell my sister in person that it looked like she was going to be an auntie, I'm so pleased I could do that. We hadn't had a scan at that point but I did have reassuring nausea! Had our first scan at what turned out to be 10+5 ish, brought forward a bit due to Xmas then it confirmed my belief I was a week behind standard dates (long cycle). So when we told PILs at Xmas we did have the reassurance of a scan, but as we were going back for a rescan in the new year (to be in window for NT screening) asked them to keep it quiet until after that.

My summary would be it is wonderful to be able to tell immediate family in person, and when you live some distance from them that mean timing is not what you might have chosen, but hopefully they will love being amongst the first to know and sharing in your secret for a little while. Just be clear it's early days and not to get too excited yet - my MIL was desperate to start knitting, had to rein her in! Likewise if you need to ask them not to ring all and sundry in the extended family, do.

I told my boss around 7 weeks because I was starting to feel ill and wanted him to know, it was actually his first day back from paternity leave. Keep your mind open to when you tell your line manager in case you need their support, just request they treat it confidentially until you're ready to share further. I was literally bouncing around the office the day after my second scan (at 13 weeks) and felt like I couldn't keep it in, but it was surprising how many people came up to me and said "just heard your news, congratulations" for a month or so afterwards.

Hope that helps OP and others watching with interest.

Could add more about friends/Facebook but have probably waffled on enough.

LouiseD29 Tue 05-Mar-13 22:29:32

Congrats! Glad you got the pay rise - too right and well done you. One less thing to worry about!

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 05-Mar-13 22:43:48

I was meant to keep it quiet, but I actually told the people who I was closest to and who I felt would be supportive if anything went wrong. It was a mixed bag I people! Things did go wrong, and those people were bloody fantastic. I couldn't have got through the last 6 weeks without them. I would have been unable to cope without people around me.

Twinklestarstwinklestars Wed 06-Mar-13 03:58:26

We told our friends and my dad (don't speak to my mum) at about 9 weeks, then told dp's siblings at 13 ish weeks and the rest of the family at 17 weeks. I had a nightmare pregnancy with ds2 so we weren't in a hurry to share our news in case it was the same.

squidkid Wed 06-Mar-13 08:55:49

I told my parents at 6 weeks, just because I was excited and finding it hard to not talk about it, and also feeling very sick and tired and had an interview and exam to get through.

I told my two best friends (one of whom ended up delivering the baby!) at 9 weeks as I went to a big drunken party with them and wanted their support in not drinking and finding a bed early! I would have told them later if not for the party but I didn't want to lie to them.

I told my brothers at 10 weeks.

Those were all people I would have told if I'd had a miscarriage anyway.

I told a couple of my seniors at work at 10 weeks because I was having trouble dealing with patients with miscarriages. That wasn't deliberate, I just burst into tears one day! They were supportive.

I was very ready to tell the world by 13 weeks when I had my first scan.

I didn't show till well past 20 weeks. About 22-23 I think. But I think most people do before then. I'm reasonably slim, not skinny, quite short. I have (HAD!) good stomach muscles smile - but I think it's more to do with what position the baby is lying in.

sherbetpips Wed 06-Mar-13 09:00:57

Family whenever you are ready to. Work and non best friends - I would say 13 weeks, after scan once you know everything is okay. I wouldnt worry about work being suspicious as you say you are only 5 weeks and many mums dont know they are preggers till 6/7 weeks plus (or if me 10 weeks!).

Not to be a doom monger but things can go wrong before 12 weeks and having to tell everyone at work is awful, much better if they didn't know. (aside from family/close friends of course).

fl0b0t Wed 06-Mar-13 09:13:07

Another person here who planned not to tell anyone until post 12 weeks, but was so sick I had to. Work and parents knew at 6-7 weeks, whereas we've told friends we see a lot and have seen in person around 9-11 weeks. Heading towards 12 now.

MerryMarigold Wed 06-Mar-13 09:47:21

I told my close family and friends the day I found out! Both times. I was so excited plus I realised I would also want them to know if anything went wrong, and be able to empathise with me. I know if they were so excited too and then something went wrong, it would actually help me if they could understand some of what I was going through. As it happened, I did have a scare at about 7 weeks and for a couple of weeks it was dicey. I was so pleased to have them to talk to about it, and their prayers, comfort etc. It was all fine in the end! It depends how close you are to them I suppose.

Congrats on your pay rise and your pregnancy !
Good luck with everything smile

daisylulu Wed 06-Mar-13 12:10:39

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! smile

With DS1 I told my DM straight away, my boss at 6 weeks (as I had a threatened m/c and needed time off work) and PILs at 10 weeks after an early scan. I told the rest of my work at 12 weeks. With the benefit of hindsight I wish I'd waited until after my anomaly scan as I lost DS1 at 22 weeks (v rare and unlikely to happen I know).

I'm now firmly in the camp of tell those people who I'd tell if something did go wrong. With DD1 (born healthy smile) I told my boss at 8 weeks (as needed lots of extra pre-natal appointments), family/close friends immediately and the rest of my work when I got to 24 weeks and was becoming difficult to hide.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. It's a very difficult decision as to when is right to tell - but I think it's when it feels right for you.

noramum Wed 06-Mar-13 13:03:19

I told my mum when I had a scan at 7 weeks as my dad just died a couple of weeks before and we thought it was an uplift for her.

We told DH's parents as well, first there is contact between our parents and secondly I needed to explain why I wasn't drinking any wine or ate parma ham, two things they know I love to do.

Work: I told my boss shortly afterwards as I had a crap blookd pressure and needed to say why I was in the office over an hour earlier than necessary. All other colleagues only heard about it after the 12 week scan.

weeblueberry Wed 06-Mar-13 13:20:39

I told my mum the night I took my pregnancy test. Mainly because I was with her and she asked why it looked as though I was about to burst into tears all the time and was worried about me. Bloody perceptive woman... hmm

I told my boss at 8 weeks because I had a work trip planned across to the West Coast and had to tell her in case I was sick and tired and generally not up for much socialising with clients. It was also in case something happened while we were over there and I needed some hand holding IYKWIM.

I told 2 female colleagues as soon as I knew (which was very early as DD is IVF). This was in case I had another miscarriage, I just wanted some support at work.

I told my boss after the 8 week scan.

But I knew I would be taking minimum maternity leave and returning full-time, so it didn't really affect how work viewed me as an employee.

Your situation may be different. I agree with a PP that if you deserve a payrise, you deserve it, regardless of pregnancy. However, I also know that some employers are not quite as understanding as mine.

dilys4trevor Wed 06-Mar-13 13:36:59

With regards to non-work people (i.e. friends and family) I usually work on the basis of if I would tell them if I had miscarried, I may as well tell them I am pregnant. With both my DCs I told friends straight away. Actually, it is usually family I hold back on as they would be upset to get all excited and then learn I have miscarried so I may as well save it until I am 'safe.' But friends usually guess when I don't order a wine!

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Wed 06-Mar-13 14:31:57

I'm about 7.5 weeks. We've told the friends I was meant to be go-karting with, as I didn't think I should do it pregnant and didn't want to bullshit the friends, a friend who's also pregnant but further on, because I wanted someone I could share experiences with, and the vicar, because I went to church the morning after I'd tested and just needed to tell someone!

I would have liked to tell family straight away, but DH doesn't want his mum to know until it's a bit safer, because she'll be so excited, and so gutted if it doesn't work out. That being the case, it's not fair to tell my mum either. And we don't want to tell BIL until we absolutely have to, because SIL will be heartbroken that it's me not her, and I don't want her to be hurt unnecessarily or for longer than necessary.

Work, I don't know. I'll take a view when I get my scan date - if it's difficult to get the time off, I'll tell them, if not I'll wait at least until after the scan. The Big Boss, although she's a mum and devoted Granny herself, isn't massively sympathetic to us having babies, and there's a strategic planning meeting coming up at which I don't want my pregnancy to be even thought about.

GingaNinja Wed 06-Mar-13 15:06:52

If you live away from family but still want to do a face to face show n tell, would you be able to do skype? Which is what I did with my first pregnancy (we don't live in the UK, my family all do). DD was a result of ivf though so family knew all about that/were providing support throughout anyway. Told line manager at 9 weeks as needed to attend consultant appt during work hours, otherwise would have kept schtum till 20 weeks or more.

2nd pregnancy ended in miscarriage at just over 7 weeks - had told DH obv plus me Ma n Pa, bro and sis but no one else and certainly no one at work. Which made it a lot easier untelling - v few people involved.

Get your own head round stuff and decide what you're comfortable with. TBH I v much doubt your employer(s) would bother to count back and work out that you were keeping anything from them - hell, loads of people don't even know themselves that they're in the pudding club at 5 weeks.

Good luck!

your body is your business not your employers and it should not effect a raise anyway

BlingBubbles Wed 06-Mar-13 16:58:44

I told my boss at about 4 weeks as I was feeling sick straight away.. Good thing I did as I was off work from 8 weeks with hyperemisis, Dh and I told both our parents and brothers and sisters as soon a we found out but didn't tell anyone else until 12 weeks. Loads of people guessed though as I was in hospital at 8 weeks and didn't leave the house for weeks on end hmm

Good luck

Pudgy2011 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:03:55

I threw up on one of my boss's shoes at 5 weeks. Kind of had to tell them (3 bosses) after that.

Told family the day I peed on the stick (via skype), close friends too. We live abroad and we have 6 week heart beat scan and then monthly scans thereafter so we told extended friends about 7 weeks in I think. Didn't bother announcing anything on fbk though and I never told anyone what our due date was (except family and close friends), to avoid that whole "have you had the baby yet?" bullshit that comes when you start nearing the date and/or exceeding it. Thankfully DS arrived at 37+6 so I didn't have to worry about that!

I'd do the same again, being aware that if we did lose the pregnance I'd want the support of my friends here, especially with family back in the UK.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:22:32

I told close friends and family at 8 weeks. I wasn't planning to tell work until 12 weeks, but I had a chicken pox scare and then morning sickness so it was useful for them to know.

I told everyone, the minute I saw those blue lines on the stick! I had been trying for years though. smile

CuppaSarah Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:59

We told both sets of parents as soon as we found out at 3-4 weeks. But that was becuase at the time we lived with PIL's so they needed to know really and if they knew my parents needed to know too. Then I told work the day after finding out. Though that was due to my job, I worked with special needs teens and was with a particulary unpredictable class at the time. Siblings and friends all found out at 12 weeks.

I was happy to let people know early, but my friends and family are quite close knit so I knew if the worst happened I wouldn't be telling everyone again and again. DP and PIL's are the ones that suggested we waited to spread the news wider than Parents and work.

Saundy Wed 06-Mar-13 18:21:49

Thanks for all your messages guys - I hadn't realised there was a second page (new to this) and congrats to the fellow preggers!!

If something went wrong I wouldn't tell anyone, I'm not a very openly emotional person (though I do have my moments) so imagine the support would be quite stressful.

Hadn't considered skype or that fact that I've now had a payrise (woo) so although its not easy its not impossible to get home earlier. If I get offered an early scan at my booking appt on Fri & tell them if not I wont - its in the hands of the Gods now!

Will only tell work before hand if I have to I guess, hopefully i'll find a better opener than vomming in a shoe wink

Yfronts Wed 06-Mar-13 18:48:25

both after 12 weeks unless you are very very close.

QueenofClean Wed 06-Mar-13 18:55:05

For DD1 I didn't find out till I was 16 weeks. Told my parents straight away (her father didn't stick around). Once I had my scan I discovered I was 21+5 weeks. I told work then.

DD2 was planned with my husband and I told work pretty much straight away as had v.bad sickness and soooo tired sad then told both sets of parents and DD1 at 8 weeks. My mum guessed as I practically ballooned out straight away (am slim).

Currently in my 2ww for DC3 am hoping to keep it quiet from work this time round as DD2 only 14months and only been back at work since Oct. Will tell parents at around the same time as before.

Well Done on your payrise.

Pudgy2011 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:27:59

Saundy - he's a bit of a twat, I didn't feel guilty grin

loveclouds Wed 06-Mar-13 19:54:44

There is no rule, just whenever it suits you. I always told people straight away as soon as I found out 4 weeks. I figured that if there was something not right and I miscarried then I would tell my friends and family anyway as they would know I was upset. I told my boss when I was 8 weeks first time.

I told family as soon as we knew (4 weeks)

I told my work very early (maybe 8 weeks?) because I was suffering very bad morning sickness - being a nursery assistant and morning sickness don't mix well!

I told close friends at about 14 weeks.

I told others about 20 weeks.

Geekster Wed 06-Mar-13 23:21:03

Congratulations. In some ways it is nice to tell people early, and I think if you have to tell work you should tell your family. Due to the nature of the job I was in I had to tell them as soon as I knew I was pregnant which I didn't want to do as I had six miscarriages so had to tell them each time. I also told my family each time as if I had to tell work I told my family. The upside was I got a lot of support. Though I'm not saying for a minute you will have a miscarriage.

LexiLoganberryBump Thu 07-Mar-13 10:28:09

Congrats on the pay rise.

I'm currently 16 weeks and have told a couple of friends who I would turn to for support if anything went wrong.

We haven't told any family yet, with my previous pregnancy we told our parents as soon as we got the positive result but my PIL couldn't keep it quiet and all of DH extended family knew before important members on my side which I found upsetting as we wanted to tell in a order of who was most important to us. I had a miscariage last year and didn't want to have to contact all of the people MIL had told. Me and my DH are quite private people and we're just going to tell when were ready.

We had planned to tell at easter when I would be 20 weeks because we were meant to be seeing PIL but plans have now changed so we're going to tell in a couple of weeks but will have to be over the phone because we don't live near any family.

JethroTull Thu 07-Mar-13 12:32:43

I'm 9 weeks & lots of people know because it's an IVF sucess. I'd waited a long time for the IVF so lots of people at work knew when I was having the treatment, as a result lots of people know about the result. Sometimes I worry that too many people know too early but it's lovely having lots of people to support me at work - and I'm one of the bosses.

Each to their own - like Lexi says above, some people are private. I can't keep any secrets though!

knittingirl Thu 07-Mar-13 14:32:40

You have to tell work by 25 weeks (15 weeks before your due date) so if you wait to tell your family when you see them at 26 weeks then you will have had to tell work first. I don't know if that would bother you, but it's worth considering.

Tallyra Thu 07-Mar-13 16:14:11

Hi, I'm another person that's had HG - I told work at 5 weeks, having prior experience that it would knock me for six when I got to 6w, and it did.

You mentioned that you aren't really going to tell anyone if it goes wrong. Personally, I think that isn't the best way to go about it. You are already getting emotionally attached, and if something goes wrong you may need a lot of emotional support. If you don't want to tell lots of people, I would suggest telling maybe just 1 really close friend that you know you could turn to in the case of bad things happening (touch wood that I'm just being worried for you for no reason). Having had HG and miscarried 3 times so far, having people around me that knew why I was such a mess helped me recover incredibly.

IdaClair Thu 07-Mar-13 20:58:07

I told family after the 20 week scan, I told work at 23 and some weeks, I don't believe in telling early.

Things can and do go 'wrong' after 12 weeks. I don't want to scare anyone but it's a bit naive to think that after 12 weeks everything will be fine. I hate inflicting grief on people, basically.

BlackSwan Thu 07-Mar-13 23:33:51

No one wants to know early. If you're female, of a certain age, and married or in a long term relationship, you're under constant suspicion of pregnancy anyway, but no one really wants to have it confirmed until you're in the 'safe' zone after at least 12 weeks.

RaspberryRuffle Thu 07-Mar-13 23:48:21

Oh Black Swan that's what my work is like, constant pregnancy suspicion and 'Why aren't you drinking?' questions, a colleague is pregnant and I have cringed at the speculation she was subjected to (she preferred to wait until after her scan to make the announcement).
I'm a private person and would rather not tell people for as long as possible.

Saundy Fri 08-Mar-13 07:20:45

Thanks for your comments and congrats everyone.

I think that's a good point that people don't want to know early, I do tend to think 'whoa why are you telling me now' when that happens (unless its someone I'm close to).

I worry I might lose control of who knows and I am a private person too so unless I can't hide it for some reason its just for me & my partner to know until it gets a bit more real and I'm feeling a bit more secure - seems as I even freak out about fessing up on here!

girliefriend Fri 08-Mar-13 11:06:23

I told my boss around 8 weeks, really so that I could be allowed time off for appointments etc. Most of my family and friends knew around that time as well but then I am not very secretive and liked having their support.

Even if something had gone wrong I would have wanted friends and family to know that there was a baby iyswim.

However I do get what you mean about telling people making it more real, I liked staying firmly in denial for the 1st two months!!

Hooya Sat 09-Mar-13 04:30:57

Hello and congrats!

Just to reassure you re being far away from home when you announce. We are on the other side of the world from our family and did all our back home announcements by Skype, family at just over 8 weeks after scan confirmed a heartbeat, and close friends over the following 4 weeks - it was actually brilliant! As long as you have the video on you don't lose out too much in not being in person, except that you only get virtual hugs! It would have been lovely to tell in person but the Skype calls were so fun and exciting.

I told my boss at about 10 weeks as I'd read that earlier is better for trust and forward planning, and because I knew after a previous miscarriage which I had kept secret, I would probably want time off if I had another one. Also I live in a country where everyone is skinny and they really notice your weight, and I knew they were all wondering why I'm getting fat! smile

fl0b0t Wed 27-Mar-13 16:49:07

For another POV, when SIL told us she was pregnant at 7 weeks my first reaction was the "I don't want to know"- which was primarily because of her "reasons" for telling us. Reasons were: She'd been quite sick, she lives and works in a small community and some friends work at the hospital so "people" would know and she had told her parents (who live very nearby) and felt it was "unfair" not to tell us.... I would have preferred her to say that they wanted to tell us, rather than that they felt they had to......

Saundy Wed 27-Mar-13 19:23:02

Actually that's a well timed point you're making, I'm telling my family at the weekend partially because I don't know when I'll see them again & partially because people have found out here so I feel bad keeping it from them. It is sooner than I wanted to tell them but I'll keep that to myself. I had a 6 week scan that had a little heart beat so that takes away some of the nerves & makes it more exciting now. I think I was in the grips of a just found out over thinking everything panic with the first post. I am looking forward to telling them now smile

Msbluesky32 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:28:52

We told parents after our 12 wk scan and work at 13 wks. I would have left work til I was further along but I do a lot of manual lifting in my job so couldn't really avoid it.

I'm also quite petite and didn't really start to show until around 28 weeks if that's any help. If it's your first you might not show for a while.

Msbluesky32 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:31:26

Also there was something really nice about just me and DP knowing for a little while without anyone else knowing smile

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