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Please help me with this xx

(67 Posts)

Hi guys

I posted on here last week and got some great responses so wondered whether anyone could help me get through this newest development.

I have been quite anxious since getting my BFP - last week I requested another HCG test to make sure my pregnancy was progressing and the results came back that they had increased from 8137 on 14th Jan to 17866 on 30th Jan - the doctor was happy with this and said I was progressing fine. I have booked an early private scan (thinking I was 7 weeks) as I wanted to see the heartbeat for full reassurance which me and DH went to yesterday. When we got there the sonographer couldn't find anything doing and abdominal scan so he did an internal scan and could see the sac and foetus but couldn't detect a heartbeat hmmhe gave us a report (he had measured the foetus and it was 8.5mm which he put at 6 weeks 6 days) and some pictures and said to take it to my G.P - he said he was definitely sure it had died and the GP will start the process of removing the foetus from me. I was devastated - in tears and not really taking in what the guy said (thank goodness my DH was there). We phoned the local maternity unit and spoke to a midwife who was lovely - she said they couldn't see me but phoned through to the A&E department asking that they re-do bloods to confirm what the sonographer had said - they did this saying they expect the levels to be the same as 30th Jan or lower but they can back at 20202 - the nurse and doctor were quite shocked and said that either the baby died in the last 2 days and my body hasn't registered it or it was too early to see the heartbeat and the pregnancy may continue normally.

I don't know what to think - I don't want to give up hope but at the same time I don't want to cling to hope that isn't there. I have had no pain or bleeding since my BFP which the doctor said is a good sign. I'm not sure what I am asking really - has anyone been in a similar position or can anyone offer advice?

The doctor simply said go home and don't over do things - either your body will get rid of things naturally or it won't - I know that's all they can say but I am driving myself crazy thinking about things hmm

Sorry it so long - I only meant to write a short post but it seems to have snowballed!, xxx

Dexidoo Sun 03-Feb-13 09:04:26

Sorry you are having such a worrying time. It sounds like you need another scan to clarify what it happening before any decisions can be made.

I would say that I am surprised that your GP was happy with your HCG as it should double every 48-72hrs so your second result would have been expected to be higher after 14 days.

I hope you get some good news x

sundaesundae Sun 03-Feb-13 09:12:03

Oh dear, what a situation to be in. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing right now which way things have gone, but if you want a very sciency answer then this will give you one

books.google.co.uk/books?id=m_nry99oFOAC&pg=PA386&lpg=PA386&dq=how+many+weeks+is+a+8.5mm+crl+fetus&source=bl&ots=pnE-OqM3Ij&sig=4G4XgNnm--8cYanzOoTwiMFdYVA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=LCgOUcSeN6mY0QXo64H4Bw&ved=0CFQQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=how%20many%20weeks%20is%20a%208.5mm%20crl%20fetus&f=false

basically if the measurement was accurate then a heartbeat should definitely have been visible. Obviously there will be exceptions to this rule and the measurements may not have been perfectly accurate as it is so small.

All you can do now is wait, hopefully they will scan you again in a week? Have they said? I'd be asking for one, it will be the only thing that will tell you what is going on.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it is horrendous.

I have no advice, only a hug and letting you know I've been through it too. Make sure you talk to your DH, you'll need to stand together to get through this xxx

Thanks for your replies. I don't generally do well in situations out of my control so this is a nightmare! It's the not knowing and the conflicting views I got yesterday - the sonographer was 100% this was not viable but the A&E doctor basically said you are only 6w+5 what were you expecting to see. The idea that I am carrying it around and it is dead is so hard (sorry if that sounded blunt) hmm - I don't even know how to begin getting on with things without knowing what I am up against x

MaryannM Sun 03-Feb-13 11:52:25

Awe what an awful situation. I am sorry you are going through this uncertainty. If I were you I would push for another scan through your GP Or midwife. We had an early internal scan (on NHS) due to previous pregnancy complications and miscarriages and I was 6w and 1 day and saw a clear heartbeat but saying that the sonographer warned us beforehand that because it was so early that there was no quarantee that we would see a heartbeat. Also their measurements could be out because it is so early, so if it's a week out you would not necessarily see a heartbeat. I wouldn't be happy being told to just wait and see, that's just not fair on you, so try to get a scan on nhs and good luck Hun, I hope it works out for you xx

Thanks for the reply - I have just been for a wee and there is a small
amount of brown discharge (sorry tmi) so it looks like the sonographer was right hmm don't know what happens next - how long will it take? How much will it hurt? When will I stopped feeling so lost and sad? X

Christelle2207 Sun 03-Feb-13 12:05:30

I'm so sad for your situation. I had my private scan at 8 weeks- I waited that long because I learned that if your dates were a few days out they may not see a heartbeat and in many cases it just can't be seen until after 7 weeks anyway. I don't want to give you false hope but you must push your hospital /midwife for another scan ASAP- either way the picture should become clear in the next few days. Hugs.

GinAndSlimlinePlease Sun 03-Feb-13 13:44:57

I agree with others, your dates might be out. The nurse at the epu told me that in some ways the technology is not as good as people expect, it's hard for them to see things. Also,some bleeding can be normal (trying to convince myself that's true at the moment!)

Try and get another scan in a few days. At least you'll have some certainty then.

Hugs

Thank you all so much for replying - I can't tell you how much it means to me.

I haven't had anymore brown stuff and it was a really small amount (about the size of the top of a screw - had to put it in DIY terms to explain to DH) and it was like string jelly - sorry again for tmi.

My Mum is coming over tomorrow to take my son to pre-school so hoping to get a Drs appointment - not sure what they can do - maybe take my blood again - if it has died surely the hcg level would be static or start to fall??

I keep thinking all will be fine then go back to thinking the worst - I want to be strong and positive but I think in my heart of hearts I know hmm

Thank you all again so much - you have made me and DH feel not so alone xx

greengoose Sun 03-Feb-13 19:52:56

Hi, I am sorry this is happening to you. In my experience, if you tell your GP you have had a bleed they will refer you to an early pregnancy unit for a scan. You can request this. They might advise to wait a few days, as things should be clearer by seven weeks. It is very usual to feel out of control and scared, most women do.
Hold onto the fact that at this early stage if it doesnt work out it is not something you did or didn't do. If it helps, my experience of MC at six-seven weeks has always been similar to a heavy clotty period. I have had D&C too, and the thought is much worse than the actual procedure, which is over very quickly and without much discomfort.
I hope for you this is just a scare, and it may still all be fine. Many women don't see HB until seven weeks. The waiting is awful though, be kind to yourself....

elsabel Sun 03-Feb-13 20:11:08

I would definatly contact your midwife and get another scan (they will refer you asap) then IF the worst has happened they will tell you your options, as it may take a while for your body to react naturally.I really hope you have some good news but if not i am so sorry xx

Christelle2207 Sun 03-Feb-13 21:30:41

Btw not saying this is good news but my mw said brown blood is usually ok- I had some at the very beginning. A bad news bleed is usually red.

I spoke to the early pregnancy unit this morning and they are re-scanning me at 10:30am - I am so scared hmm I feel like it is to confirm the worst really as the sonographer at the private scan was so adamant that it was not viable.

I don't know how you begin to move on and come to terms with things hmm

DanniiH Mon 04-Feb-13 09:17:37

Fingers crossed your first scan was just too early! Brown mucus is fine it'll just be old blood from implantation taking its time to come out.

Good luck! x

TheMightyLois Mon 04-Feb-13 09:22:00

Fingers crossed for you xxxx

DoodleAlley Mon 04-Feb-13 09:37:35

Blood can be bad or good so see how it goes but I had both at the start of my pregnancy, admittedly not loads.

They scanned and prodded me and decided it was an extropian which is a sensitised area that sheds cells. They also found a bit of implantation bleeding.

Obviously no one can guarantee what is causing yours until yet look but the EPU I went I has been utterly brilliant and very thorough.

Let them see how worried you have been an they will be more inclined to do every test they can and to explain things clearly to you.

It might sound hollow but you're going to the right people. And as you sit in that waiting room, know that we're all sitting with you. Many of us have been in similar positions thinking the same thoughts.

Good luck

GinAndSlimlinePlease Mon 04-Feb-13 09:39:00

I'm so glad you're getting re scanned. If it's anything like my experience on friday, they were really sensitive.

I hope everything is ok.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 04-Feb-13 09:59:42

Good luck ArkBuilder. Hoping for some good news for you x

elsabel Mon 04-Feb-13 10:07:20

Good luck for today, i have been there and know its an awful worry but soon you will know either way. Thinking of you and will be here whatever the outcome xx

Thank you all for your replies - its helped so much - it felt like you were there with me which was lovely as DH couldn't go with me so I took my Mum.

Slightly different situation now - I was expecting them to confirm a loss and to move forward with that but after an external and internal scan she saw a pregnancy sac and yolk with a blood supply pumping to it - she said that means it is feeding something. She put me at no more than 5.5 weeks - closer to 5 than 6 and said it all looks okay for a pregnancy of 5 weeks. I have to go back in 2 weeks for another scan when she will hopefully be able to see more - she said to carrying on as if I am pregnant (folic acid etc) and contact her if i get cramps or bright red blood but brown blood is common in early pregnancy.

I am emotional drained - obviously it is good news that there had been no loss - she said nothing has died in me and no loss is showing, but the next 2 weeks feels like an eternity away - my appt is 18th Feb - sounds like forever away! I am still feeling quite nervous about it all and am hoping for a flicker of a heartbeat on 18th.

She kept my photos and report from the private scan - she was seriously unimpressed and is showing her colleague - not sure whether to email the private scan company - if I had followed their advice I would have taken myself off to hospital for medication or surgery to remove what could be an okay pregnancy - what do you guys think?

Thank you all again so much - I never would have got through this weekend without you - you will never know how much it means to me and my DH xxx

TwitchyTail Mon 04-Feb-13 13:56:07

Yes, I would send a factual email to the private scan company. Alarm bells were raised for me in your original post when you said the private sonographer had advised you to see your GP to "start the process of removing the foetus" on the basis of not seeing a heartbeat on one extremely early scan. This in itself shows a worrying lack of medical knowledge and procedure.

There is a commonly held misconception that private scans are "better" than NHS ones. In reality, the minimum standards for NHS sonographers are more stringent than for those in the private sector. One reason why I am very wary of private scans or those not done for medical necessity and I think people need to be aware of the dangers of these.

Best of luck OP and I'll keep my fingers crossed that all is well smile

sundaesundae Mon 04-Feb-13 13:58:54

Goodness, not very straight forward then! So they think you only conceived three weeks ago? So somewhere between 11th and 16th of Jan depending on your cycles. FX your dates are just out and things progress positively. I hope that is the case, try not to hold your breath for two weeks, it won't help and will only make you miserable. Try to just take one day at a time and surround yourself with support.

DoodleAlley Mon 04-Feb-13 14:12:35

Glad to hear they are taking care of you properly and following things up. It sounds much more like the care you should be receiving.

Hold in there

Thanks, the scan today did feel more detailed and things were explained a bit better and in more detail.

I'm not sure about the conception dates and in all honesty thats what is on my mind at the moment. My cycles are so varied and long and range from 45 - 65 days - all I know is when I last had my period and when I got my first positive pregnancy test (13th Jan). Can I be only be 5 weeks if I got the positive result on 13th Jan - is it that I just found out really really early? Does that make sense?

The person scanning me today said that dates are not an exact science and some people are convinced that are a certain number of weeks and actually the are maybe one week less than they thought.

Does any of that make sense??? xx

GinAndSlimlinePlease Mon 04-Feb-13 15:16:32

I'm so relieved for you! It sounds like your dates could well be off.

So unprofessional of the private clinic. Do complain, they've caused you so much unnecessary stress and upset.

Dexidoo Mon 04-Feb-13 15:22:32

Really pleased things are sounding more positive. Wishing you all the best for a happy next scan x

MaryannM Mon 04-Feb-13 18:27:42

Oh I'm so glad that you got the scan today and that it was not what you were expecting! I hope that the scan in a few weeks will reassure you further, hopefully you will be able to see a heart beat then. Congratulations, and I hope it goes smoothly from here on in.

About your dates, I have irregular and long cycles and the dates given to me were not what I was expecting either, I was about 3 weeks earlier than I would have though. So I suppose was just a very early positive.

Take care of yourself :-) x

Thank you for your replies - I will keep you updated.

MarryannM - thank you that has really reassured me - I must have found out really early too! Its so hard when you have long irregular cycles - it doesn't help that I am a control freak generally and I am totally out of control in this!!

Xx

louise2011 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:00:50

Hi, I had a scan at 6wks + due to heavy bleeding & only a sac was seen. Told to come back in one wk & there was a lovely strong heartbeat! Sending you positive thoughts, smile

NotSoNervous Mon 04-Feb-13 21:06:14

Sorry I have no advice just offering a hand. I do know someone that was in the same situation as you and they found a heart beat a little later on

I really hope this all works out for you and everything is okay xx

elsabel Tue 05-Feb-13 22:09:48

So relieved to hear you had good news, my friend went for an early scan to find she was less far along than she thought (about 5 weeks also) and had a scan 2 weeks later and saw a heartbeat! She is now 17weeks! Hope it was a cruel mix up with the first scan and you have better luck from here xx

WeeS Wed 06-Feb-13 10:43:58

Hello, I'm sorry to hear of your situation, what a worry for you. I just wanted to say that when I went to my GP when I first discovered I was pg he said that the home-testing kits you buy in shops/supermarkets are really sensitive, more so than even the testing that the GP offers! So it may be that you found out really super early.

Just as well you didnt go ahead and ask for any kind of removal procedure - although I think it'd be very unlikely that they would have done that without thoroughly investigating first.

The first 12 wks is always a worry and seems to drag on! I hope the next couple weeks don't drag for you and the outcome is a positive one smile

Keep us updated on how you are. And keep thinking those positive thoughts smile

x

Thanks ladies - 2 days done now and just 10 more to go!! I haven't had anymore brown bleeding or cramps so I am hoping that is a good sign.

I just have no idea what the 1st scan guy saw and thought he was measuring - that is the only thing concerning me - the lady at the EPU said that he hasn't even mentioned a yolk and you always see that before measuring something - I just really hope it turns out he was wrong and inexperienced.

I am waiting until the 2 week scan before contacting the private scan people - hoping for a refund though - the EPU said she would expect them to refund as the info he gave was incorrect - not worrying about that for now though!!

Fingers crossed for a good nights sleep and a quick day 3!!

Xxx

beckie90 Wed 06-Feb-13 19:42:47

I had a scan at 5+4 at that point for me there was no yolk sac visible at all, just a sac. So its maybe possible he simply just didn't see it cause it wasnt big enough to pick up at the certain point, in early pregnancy a couple of days makes a difference to what you can see on a scan (i had transvaginal, still didn't pick up), so he may have jumped to conclusions as my NHS Sonographer did, but the doctor was more reassuring after. I went back at 7+2 and that time there was a little prawn shape with a very visible yolk and heartbeat smile good luck sure it will be fine, sounds posative xx

Thanks beckie90 - that is reassuring. If everything turns out okay and I am really hoping it does, I will definitely be contacting the private scan company as its quite scary to think that he potentially got it so wrong.

This 2 weeks wait is so hard - I feel like our lives are on hold. I daren't be on my own as I don't trust myself and my own thoughts - I start thinking about it and plant a seed in my mind and it just grows - I am my own worst enemy!!

Xx

1 week down and 1 left to do. I have had some brown spotting (only when I wipe after a wee - sorry tmi) and some lower tummy pain but midwife said that could be stretching and implanted blood - fingers crossed.

I have been very up an down all week and have turned into a constant knicker checker. I'm at work for the next 3 days and I will be busy so that should help the time pass quickly and then just the weekend to get through.

No bright red blood or severe cramping so hoping that is a good sign xx

Slainte Mon 11-Feb-13 16:54:40

Hi, delurking here just to let you know you're in people's thoughts and I wanted to wish you the best for next week smile

Thanks - I have started bleeding this evening - not a good sign hmm

Will call the EPU tomorrow first thing - feeling sad and scared hmm

Slainte Tue 12-Feb-13 23:25:55

Oh goodness, just seen your message now sad. How are you today?

chickydoo Tue 12-Feb-13 23:36:17

Read your post...Thinking of you

Thanks guys - the bleeding is on and off - there have been no clots coming through and nothing on my pad. I literally haven't done anything since Monday evening except lie on the sofa or bed. I worried that as soon as I get up and move about normally it will all come flowing out (sorry graphic for first thing!).

My DH is being amazing and trying to stay positive but I am just so drained from the last couple of weeks and scared about what will happen if it is the worst news - physically and emotionally - how we move one and start thinking about trying again x

Isitme1 Wed 13-Feb-13 09:28:27

I want to tell you 2 stories.
The first:
My mum had a heavy bleed at 6 weeks
Literally all down her legs onto the floor and soaked her undies and pants. She was taken to a normal hospital nearby by ambulance amd they told her the baby had gone in the bleed and booked her in for a d+c. She refused as it wasnt the hospital she was booked at. She got emergency appointment at the specialist maternity hospital and they scanned her and said baby was there and alive!
She has had a few bleeds as there was bleeding around the sac but she has now got a beautiful baby boy to love.
She had blood problems so was put on aspirin. Worth asking about.

2nd I had a period like bleed and 2 small bleeds in first trimester and everything was fine im now nearly 18 weeks smile

Hope that helped a little x

Thank you for all your messages and stories - they really help.

The bleeding is bright red now and getting more camps - trying to stay positive but think this is it hmm

Now the clots are appearing - this is horrible hmm

nearlyreadytopop Wed 13-Feb-13 15:29:07

it is horrible. Hope you are ok (as ok as you can be)

3rdtimelucky73 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:47:33

It is horrible, but you will get through it. You may need some good painkillers, I did.

hugs

greengoose Wed 13-Feb-13 15:51:31

Hopefully the worst will be over for you soon, it's a horrible horrible time. A hot water bottle and some painkillers might help a little with the physical side?
If it helps at all, I've MCd three times, and twice I've fallen pregnant again on the next cycle. My MW said that it's really common for that to happen... Your body is an amazing thing, and even although it might not feel like it, it is doing what it needs to, trust that you will get to the other side of this and be able to try again. X

SoYo Wed 13-Feb-13 16:29:56

Are you ok? Is somebody with you? Take some painkillers, even just simple paracetamol will help. The pain stops very quickly once it's over. If you feel like the bleeding is too heavy, the pain is too much or home just isn't the right place for you then ring the gynae ward and tell them you've under the EPAU and they'll bring you in.

Thank you ladies - your advice and support is amazing. I have got some painkillers and hubby has dug out the hot water bottle. I'm on my own tomorrow as DH is at work and DS is at nursery (but don't feel truly alone as you guys are there - I know how corny that sounds!) and then the scan on Friday. I am a control freak so after Friday's scan at least I will have a bit of a plan of how we are moving forward (if I need medication / op) and then we can start trying to come to terms with things.

Sorry if I am repeating myself - it helps so much to come on here and write it all down. Thank again to you guys - you are all ace xxx

Slainte Wed 13-Feb-13 20:09:24

You really aren't alone.

Hope you're coping ok, as well as you can anyway.

This waiting in limbo is such a difficult time. I know what you mean about needing to be in control but the thing is no matter how much you worry you won't change the outcome so try not to drive yourself crazy worrying.

Praying for your scan to give you positive news.

Thank you, I think it peaked last night as the pain really stepped up. It seems to have eased a bit this morning so I hope I am over the worst of it pain wise.

I am hoping that the EPU will still scan me tomorrow to make sure it has all passed. At least this time tomorrow we will have confirmation of the loss (which will be sad) and we can start planning on moving forward. I have stacks of questions - I might write them all down and ask them tomorrow - do you think that will be okay xx

tigerKesha Thu 14-Feb-13 15:34:08

Really sorry OP. thanksthanks hope all goes as well as it possibly can given the circumstances.

Thank you - the pain has been okay today but I am shocked at how heavy the bleeding is - don't know what I was expecting!

I just want to put it all behind me - I know I can rush the physical or emotional process but just don't want to feel this horrible sad emptiness I am feeling hmm xx

ChairmanWow Thu 14-Feb-13 15:57:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've experienced similar and I remember that empty feeling. Just give yourself some time and space to recover physically and emotionally. Your partner sounds lovely, which is great. Hope you can give each other lots of love and support.

Take care thanks

The pain has started again and the bleeding is still heavy - how long will the bleeding go on for? Xx

greengoose Thu 14-Feb-13 18:01:02

It varies, but if you've passed clots it should calm down to a heavy period, but for some it stop starts a bit... Sorry I can't give definite answer. If they scan you they will tell you if you have passed everything... But the bleeding can be heavy for a while, with me at your stage usually like a long period that takes a while to properly stop.
I think you should take your list of questions, that's a good idea. Good luck tomorrow. X

Slainte Thu 14-Feb-13 22:26:08

Agree with greengoose the bleeding really can vary. Definitely bring your questions with you as it's so hard to remember them all when you get there. Good luck tomorrow.

Thank you ladies - it hasn't all come away - it's still pretty much in tact in there. I have to wait another week to see if it comes away naturally - if not then I will have the op to remove it.

It had grown since last Monday - I am glad it gave it its best chance at growing and feel like it fought hard. It also confirms that the private scan was completely wrong.

I am scared - i thought this week was bad but the worse is still to come - I still have to pass it hmm

Thanks again for all your wonderful support x

TwitchyTail Fri 15-Feb-13 10:18:26

I have no advice but am thinking of you Mummytothearkbuilder, and wishing you the very best thanks

It has now come away - I have had the most painful and intense few hours of my life but really think I have got through the worst now. The size of the clots and the pain has really shocked me - it came on so suddenly and once it happened there was no stopping it. I am feeling a strange sense of calm - it maybe that it just hasn't hit me yet - it does all feel very surreal or it may be that there is no more uncertainty anymore and I know where I stand now - who knows either way it has happened now hmm

Thank you all for your amazing support - I can't ever imagine feeling normal again - I have never looked or felt so physically drained in all my life - I guess it's just small steps xx

DreamingOfTheMaldives Fri 15-Feb-13 22:41:50

Thinking of you Mummytothearkbuilder.

TwitchyTail Fri 15-Feb-13 22:48:29

Oh I'm so sorry sad Thinking of you. Please take good care of yourself. We are all here for you.

Rockchick1984 Fri 15-Feb-13 23:02:17

thanks mummytothearkbuilder - Just wanted to send my condolences and I'm glad your husband is being so supportive. Take care of yourself, and give your DS lots of cuddles, they really do make you feel better (my DS is 2 and gives amazing cuddles smile ).

3rdtimelucky73 Sat 16-Feb-13 01:24:20

I feel for you, it is awful and can be incredibly painful (it was for me).

(hugs), look after yourself xgrin

SoYo Sat 16-Feb-13 07:55:37

Well done for getting through the night, hopefully the worst is over now, certainly sounds that way. Please remember if you're not sure about what's happening or have questions that you should be able to ring your early pregnancy unit or gynae ward for advice anytime, that's what they're there for.

You're completely right about small steps, just think about today for now and slowly you'll come round a bit & feel a bit less drained and awful. There's always the MN massive here if you need a bit of chat!

Slainte Sat 16-Feb-13 19:48:45

Really feel for you. This is such a difficult time. Remember to also give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically, you are grieving.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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