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How do you know everything's ok?

(53 Posts)
BraveLilBear Wed 30-Jan-13 17:41:07

Having a momentary wobble. I'm 15+2 by scan, probably less in reality.

Sickness has eased up (yay!), feeling less tired (also good), but don't yet have any bump, haven't put much weight on (thanks to sickness) and can't yet feel movement.

How do you know everything's ok? I have my 16week check on Monday, but apparently some midwives refuse to check heartbeat in case it's hard to find, thus causing panic.

I have no 'bad' symptoms, and don't have any feeling of dread, but I am worrying a bit. Anything I can do to reassure myself?

NoTeaForMe Wed 30-Jan-13 18:17:57

Unfortunately you're in the bit where you don't know everything is alright. You just have to trust that it is. Once you start feeling the baby move you'll know then. Heartbeats can be hard to hear at 16 weeks, if she looks and can't find it it can be more worrying than not looking at all.

Sorry but you'll just have to wait for kicks etc.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 30-Jan-13 20:40:11

I just had to trust that no big changes (feeling ok-ish, no bleeding etc) meant everything was ok. My midwife did find the heartbeat at my 16 week appointment but you're right, you can't bank on them doing it. I did start to feel fluttery movements about 18 weeks which helped and felt massively reassured after my 20 week scan. Nothing like seeing it wriggle on screen again and them say that it all looks healthy! By then, you start to feel proper kicks as well. You just need to hang in there.

duende Wed 30-Jan-13 20:55:52

I have a fetal Doppler, this one here angel sound

I'm only 14 weeks but have managed to find the heart beat two days ago.

Teapot13 Wed 30-Jan-13 21:23:11

Unfortunately you will never know everything is OK. My PFB is 3 and I still stand outside her room listening for the deep, regular breaths in the night. Don't know what I'll do when she starts going out with friends!

Personally I never used a fetal doppler because (first) my consultant told me he likes to use ultrasound because it can take him a long time to find the heartbeat with the Doppler, and it upsets the patients. I would probably put myself in a total panic. The second reason is that there have been some sad stories in the news of women being falsely reassured by finding what they thought was the fetal heartbeat when they had symptoms they should have had checked. I don't have any medical training so I think I'm better off not using one. Just my view.

mylittlemonkey Wed 30-Jan-13 21:31:07

My MW did always check babys heartbeat at all my appts after 16 weeks and if you are especially anxious I am sure she would do few extra appts for you if you asked. The reason they only have the 2 scans is that after you have seen a good healthy scan at 12 weeks the chances everything is ok is very high so take some reassurance from that.

Have faith.

The bit between 12 week scan and feeling movement is always the scariest. Just trust that you are being a good home for your little one - and in my experience please don't buy a Doppler until at least 20 weeks as if you can't find the heartbeat (due to bad position of baby or placenta in the way) can make you feel even more worried.

lljkk Thu 31-Jan-13 07:17:14

Just know you've done everything in your power to make sure everything's okay. I'm afraid all of life is like that, you can only do what you can do. It's bad for you to worry about stuff that is too difficult to control, so it is okay to let yourself have faith it will all be okay.

wanderingalbatross Thu 31-Jan-13 08:24:08

I think that once you've seen the heartbeat at the 12 week scan you have to trust that the chances of anything going wrong with the pregnancy are slim. I'm in the same period with DC2, and it is a long wait for reassurance, but this is the 'safest' part of pregnancy. Also, the worry doesn't stop when you hear the heartbeat, or when the baby is born (and probably not even when they leave home at 18!).

BraveLilBear Thu 31-Jan-13 10:39:37

Thanks all - will just sit and wait and try not to think about it in the meantime! I had a similar flirtation with worry/doubt about 7 weeks in that baby helpfully responded to with the onset of full sickness smile

I honestly don't know how they managed all the waiting before scans were commonplace!

HJBeans Thu 31-Jan-13 18:34:42

Hi brave. [waves] I know just how you feel. Only had my 12 week scan last week when I was 13w2 and in less than a week have already had my first 'of course this won't work out' wobble. Nothing to cause it, just fatalism which I'm sure for me is down to my m/c history.

My friend has a doppler i coukd borrow, but think I won't for reasons folks have stated above and because I think I could become obsessive with it and it would probably cause more worry in the long wrong. Since my wobbles are becoming less frequent, I figure there's no point giving myself a way to check in daily.

However, I've pretty much decided to go for an extra scan privately at about 16-17 weeks - it will break the wait till the anomaly scan and now that I'm finally starting to bond a bit with the idea of having a baby, I'd like to be able to stop calling it 'it'. 2-3 weeks seems a doable time to tell myself to have faith all's well and a month and a half just doesn't.

Hope we'll both start feeling kicks sooner rather than later. smile

Kafri Thu 31-Jan-13 18:55:32

it's the nature of pregnancy - you worry.

i worried an hour after an appointment that something might have happened especially in the early days when you cant feel anything yet.

but then when i could feel things, i worried if i hadn't felt anything for a while

ironically enough - i worried right the way through and everything was fine then the day I went into labour i had an appointment with my consultant booked in the afternoon. apart from labour pains i felt fine and dandy but when she checked my BP it was through the roof and she sent me straight to labour ward to be admitted!

if you are EVER unsure, just speak to your midwife - my local day unit at the maternity hospital always told me they'd rather see me every day and tell me everything was fine than not see me and risk it not being.

Hope all goes well for the rest of your pregnancy - I now have a VERY VERY colicky 6 week old with a fabulous set of lungs on him! grin

Jollyb Thu 31-Jan-13 19:02:49

Brave I'm in the limbo period too at 14 + 5. I've had 5 scans so far this pregnancy (bleeding and 12 week scan) and this is the longest I've gone without a scan.

I'm trying to stay calm by reminding myself of the statistics. I'm also bulging over my jeans which I'm taking to be a good sign. I'm not going to buy a Doppler as I think I could become a bit obsessed by it. Like beans I have booked an extra private scan at 17 weeks - I'm going overseas shortly after and am keen to know all is well before I go.

curlyclaz13 Thu 31-Jan-13 19:54:02

I was going to ask the same I think worry is part of being pregnant and then a parent ! I am 21 + 4 have no noticable bump and haven't felt him move but the scan was perfect two weeks ago and guidelines say not to worry until 24 weeks about movement. just try not to worry which is easier said than done !

BraveLilBear Fri 01-Feb-13 12:06:30

Hi Beans and Jolly <waves back at TTC buddies>

I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one, although it is unsettling, isn't it! Have been taking enormous comfort from twinges - bizarre as they can be a bit sharp and stabby - all day yesterday, and also from the fact that my work trousers still appear to be getting tighter.

I think me and doppler would be a recipe for anxious disaster so will probably avoid (she says), so just trying to distract myself. As my other half said last night, the chance of something going wrong after seeing heartbeat at 12wk scan is 1% or less. Yes, some people will be in that 1%, but most people will be in the 99%. There's nothing you can do either way, so just assume yo're in the 99% and don't think about it.

Luck and calm thoughts to all x

HJBeans Fri 01-Feb-13 12:24:08

Had nearly exactly the same conversation with my husband, bear, last night when broaching the subject of the extra scan. He found it hard to understand why I didn't sit back and assume I was in the 99% since there was nothing I could do about it one way or the other.

Explained it was a struggle at times to avoid irrational dread and that, for me, getting reassurance every three weeks or so until I could feel movements was worth the outlay. So I'm going for the extra scan and he's agreed to come along, the sweetheart, even though he finds scans 'icky'. Bless him.

Calm thoughts right back at you. smile

marushka82 Mon 04-Feb-13 14:38:44

Hi Brave,

I know exactly how you feel!
I'm almost 16 weeks and started to worry just today that something is wrong. Not even sure why, since the 12 week scan and screening test were all good, I guess I was always worrying about everything in advance so nothing's changed now! smile

the main reason I'm worried is because I feel really well (stupid, right? Everyone says I should be happy I didn't have any problems since the beginning, no morning sickness, metallic taste, fainting, nothing)... eh.

I have to say that finding this message board made me feel a lot better - nice to know I'm not the only one!
Let's try not to worry then and wait patiently! When's your 20wk scan? Mine's on 28 Feb.

Oh and btw, this is my first post here! So hi! :D

BraveLilBear Mon 04-Feb-13 15:16:04

Hi and welcome Marushka - to Mumsnet and the 2nd Trimester Worry Stretch!

I actually just got back from my 16 week appointment and the midwife found the heartbeat which was amazing grin could also feel it kicking the doppler, which I found an incredible relief as I'd already had to say I hadn't felt any movements yet (which she said was fine).

I'm also feeling better and better each day, hence the random worry, but feel much more reassured now.

Hopefully the next four-week wait (til 20 week scan on March 5) will be broken up by some kicking, so won't feel as long. Bring on the booting!

Good luck to you and your LO! smile

marushka82 Mon 04-Feb-13 15:35:56

Ugh, I just realised that my 16 week appt is not until 22 Feb for some reason. Might call the hospital tomorrow and see whether they got that right since I start week 16 on Wednesday smile

HJBeans Mon 04-Feb-13 18:45:56

Hooray, brave, for reassuring HB on the doppler and your doppler-kicking little one! I've not met my midwife yet, so keep forgetting this is this whole other avenue to know a bit more about what's going on in there. So glad you've had a good visit.

Welcome, markshka. smile

marushka82 Tue 05-Feb-13 10:26:28

yay, rebooked my 16 wk appointment and I'm going to see the midwife this Friday!
Wondering whether she will attempt to listen to the heartbeat; if not, should I ask her?

BraveLilBear Tue 05-Feb-13 10:31:56

Good news Marushka I'd ask to be honest... the mw took ages to find the heartbeat, but could hear blood feeding the placenta straightaway and that in itself is a positive sign. She just said she'd keep looking so that I would be able to recognise it, and eventually, we got a few seconds of it in amongst all the other sounds.

FIngers crossed!

cogitosum Tue 05-Feb-13 10:38:52

I've had 16 week appointment and also listen to HB almost daily on Doppler at home blush but now got myself worked up about what they can find on 20 week scan and looking up all the different abnormalities.

I know you can never completely relax (even when baby's grown up) but I really hope I can relax a bit after 20 week scan and enjoy pregnancy without panicking every so often!

cogitosum Tue 05-Feb-13 10:52:10

Oh and hi bravelilbear and hjbeans I was on the mosh pit thread for a bit (not sure if you'll remember me but I think we got bfps st arounf same time) I'm 17 w 4 days

cogitosum Tue 05-Feb-13 10:52:43

And jolly glad it's going ok

BraveLilBear Tue 05-Feb-13 11:30:26

Hey Cogito nice to hear from you! Glad everything's ok. Remember the mantra - today I am pregnant smile

Easier said than done but try not to worry about 20 week scan. There's nothing you can do to change anything, so just focus on making an awesome home for your little one in the meantime. Fingers crossed all round!

weeblueberry Tue 05-Feb-13 11:36:37

I think the best thing that helped me in the lead up to the 20 week scan was doing a lot of research as to what they were looking for and what the potential issues might be. It means that had she brought anything up I would have had a bit of background on what questions to ask, whether the problem was incompatible with life etc. For a lot of people this might make them more anxious but I like to have all the information I can before going into something. We also had a good look online at what a 20 week scan should look like and what positions the baby might be in.

cogitosum Tue 05-Feb-13 21:15:09

bravelilbear that mantra is great it has really helped me and I've been sharing it to other people who've been worried!

weeblueberry that's what I've been trying to do, I think I'm just scaring myself though! I think we're similar in that respect though- Im definitely one for wanting all the available information.

marushka82 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:55:00

oh god, I'm freaking out. 16 wk appointment tomorrow and I'm scared (although there are absolutely no signs that anything is wrong, no pains, nothing).
To top it off, just read a thread about girls with low risk after screening giving birth to babies with DS.
I'm trying to stay positive but the worry is always at the back of my head... sad

photographerlady Thu 07-Feb-13 14:14:42

I bought a doppler too, I use it once a week to not frighten the little bean but it does give me peace of mind. Second hand off ebay

BraveLilBear Thu 07-Feb-13 15:21:31

Hey Marushka I just read that thread too. I think though that is basically terrible luck, and, as the odds would suggest, unlikely to happen very often.

Good luck for tomorrow - I'm sure it will go fine. You can always talk to the midwife about your worries - she may be able to put your mind at rest.

marushka82 Mon 11-Feb-13 15:24:00

Hey BraveLilBear thanks!
I asked the mw whether she'd listen to the heartbeat but she told me they don't do it because at this stage of the pregnancy it might be hard to find it and they don't want to scare the women unnecessarily.
I did mention my concerns to her and she said I should try and be positive as I'm overall healthy and in the very low risk group.
So I'm going to wait patiently for my 20wk scan - not too long now, just over two weeks!

HJBeans Mon 11-Feb-13 15:48:20

Hi maruska - sorry you didn't get a chance to listen in.

Just back from my MW. When I asked about listening in, she stopped to explain that it often couldn't be heard and that she wouldn't take any further action if she couldn't find a HB and I should think about whether I'd be ok with that and did I still want her to try. I of course said yes, and she found the HB instantly which was a great relief. (Hours ago now and I'm still smiling!)

Think it's a shame there isn't a policy on this sort of thing which is applied consistently and assumes women are clever enough to understand and make an informed choice about 'there are many reasons this might not work, do you want to try?'

At any rate, hope the next two weeks goes quickly for you. The stats are well and truly on your side for all being well. smile

HJBeans Mon 11-Feb-13 15:48:53

Ps - this was my 16 week check, but I'm just at 15w5.

BraveLilBear Mon 11-Feb-13 16:26:33

Good for you Beans - totally agree there should be some sort of consistency. Besides anything else, the midwife said she could hear the baby was ok before even hearing the heartbeat which suggests there are other signs to listen out for (or maybe she was just lying to reassure me).

Sorry they weren't as helpful for you Marushka but love the Positive Mental Attitude and really not long for 20week scan smile

marushka82 Mon 18-Feb-13 18:00:01

Just a quick update from me: I have a UTI which started yesterday so went to see my GP this morning. She prescribed some antibiotics and when I mentioned I'm worried about waiting until 20 wk scan she offered to listen to baby's heartbeat! She found it after 5 seconds and it was an awesome experience for me, let alone it made me feel much better and calmed me down so I can now wait until the end of this month for a scan.

HJBeans Mon 18-Feb-13 18:50:47

Hooray! Fantastic news and so glad you got the chance to be reassured. Silver lining for a UTI anyway! smile

HJBeans Mon 18-Feb-13 18:56:12

I had my extra private scan on Sat - extremely reassuring to have a very thorough look at the baby and see all is well. Also now know it's a wee boy.

Celebrated with a long walk in the hills, though, and now panicking over lower abdominal pain and a bit of discharge which I'm sure is nothing. My mind seems to go a bit nuts with panic just after I'm utterly reassured before settling down to a more happy and sane state till the next scan / listen in / etc.

Really looking forward to when I can feel him move and expected decrease in anxious wobbles...

marushka82 Mon 18-Feb-13 19:19:47

HJBeans haha, definitely silver lining! :D Have to go back to work tomorrow (well, don't HAVE to, but probably should) and I can imagine I'd spend half the day running to the loo!

And congratulations to you on your little boy! I can't wait for my scan (only 11 days now, yay!).

On a different note (I don't want to start a new thread, so I thought since you ladies were so nice to me you might know something about this): DH and I are thinking of moving outside of M25 (somewhere west, Berks or Bucks); we're currently in Ealing and my hospital of choice is Queen Charlotte - if we move before the due date, do I have to change the hospital? I'd love to avoid that if possible, I heard a lot of good things about QC smile

cogitosum Mon 18-Feb-13 19:44:54

marushka sorry can't help with your question. I doubt they'll make you change though. Yay for nice gp and heating HB

hjbeans I had my 20 week scan this morning and I'm having a boy too!

marushka82 Fri 01-Mar-13 13:14:17

Girls, I'm back here to say I had my 20wk scan yesterday, baby is healthy, has all toes, fingers, heart is ok etc! The sonographer was very nice and made me feel at ease. It's such an amazing experience as the level of detail is much higher than at 12 wks.
Aaand we found out we're having a wee GIRL! yay! Chuffed to bits!
Good luck to all the ladies here who are still waiting for their scans!

Reebok Fri 01-Mar-13 18:01:37

Bravelilbear, I don't think that fear of wondering if everything is ok goes. I'm almost 20 weeks, been feeling flutters (or at least I think so!) and still freak out every day about losing lil one. Mainly because I had a mmc last year. Scan is next Tuesday so pls wish me luck. Am so scared like I was for 12 week scan!

Reebok Fri 01-Mar-13 18:03:21

Marushka...congrats on the positive scan. Glad bubz is ok...and so exciting to be having a girl! smile

HJBeans Sat 02-Mar-13 09:37:10

Congrats Marushka! So glad to hear all's going well for you! smile
Welcome, Reebok.

HJBeans Sat 02-Mar-13 09:39:12

Oooh. Seem to have missed a post by cognito. Belated congrats on a good scan and on your little boy! I keep seeing wee boys when out and about and thinking about our own. Feels a lot more real now we know. Hope all continues well for you. Xx

HJBeans Sat 02-Mar-13 09:41:10

Sigh... And now I've typoed your name as well, cogito. Should really not post before first cup of tea. blush Though now it's decaf, it doesn't help as much with making me more sensible...

Reebok Mon 04-Mar-13 20:41:38

Thanks hjbeans. I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and I'm convinced something will go wrong. Very scared right now! Argh

HJBeans Tue 05-Mar-13 07:53:41

Good luck for tomorrow, Reebok - mine's next Thursday. Know all about per-scan nerves, but of course the overwhelming likelihood is that all will be fine. I know stats don't help much when the fear strikes, though.

What helps me a bit is to think "I'll feel dreadful if something is wrong and having worried about it in advance won't change that. Might as well try to enjoy this time I have when, for all I know, everything's fine."

Doesn't do it all the time though - sometimes I just accept the worry as a pregnancy symptom and try to make myself as comfortable as possible with it.

Anyway, good luck! At least you'll get to spend lots of time looking at your little one as they thoroughly check all the wee parts of him/her. Let us know if you're enjoying the all clear tomorrow.

marushka82 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:49:15

Girls, I've had exactly the same thoughts before the scan, I was convinced that because everything has been going smoothly so far I will be 'punished' somehow and something will go wrong at the scan. As a result I was a bit stressed when the scan started and the sonographer had to remind me to keep breathing and relax so she could see the baby properly.
After that it was an amazing experience as you can see so many details. Try to relax as much as possible and think about millions of women who give birth to healthy babies. The probability of anything going wrong is really really small!
Good luck! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you - let us know how it went!

Reebok Tue 05-Mar-13 11:59:59

It went brilliantly ladies! I'm so happy! Was really scared because before it started, I could hear a lady screaming and in tears next door. Feel so bad for her. But thankfully my lil one is fine! smile

marushka82 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:26:04

Reebok yaaay! Congrats!!! Did you find out the sex or do you want to have a surprise?
I think I would have freaked out so bad if I heard someone screaming (same with maternity ward when I go into labour!)

HJBeans Tue 05-Mar-13 16:33:21

grin really glad to hear all's well, Reebok!

Reebok Tue 05-Mar-13 17:44:56

Yeh I was shaking throughout entire process because I kept thinking they'd find something wrong. Having a little girl smile

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