Mumsnet Talk

Dear Professional,

Please give me gas and air during all internal examinations. I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

Please give me an epidural as soon as medically possible. I am not Joan of Arc.

Please consult me on which position I would like to give birth in. Last time I had my legs prized apart like a sheep. It would have been nice to have been asked

If it comes to it, please save me before the baby. My 4 year old needs me more.

Thank you

I am not a midwife, but if I was I would refuse to treat someone who spoke to me/wrote at me like that. The smiley face doesn't cut it.

Your requests are not unreasonable but if written like that you sound extremely patronising!

Do you want to piss them off? I think it would go down a lot better if you made your points without the wise cracks. It is often a good idea to be polite and respectful to the people who will be looking after you when you are at your most vulnerable....

How about rephrasing it more like this:

Thank you very much for caring for me in labour.

Due to previous surgery on my cervix I find.. so I will need ... please

Your points are fine, but I don't know why you feel the need to write them like that!

I'd bear in mind that you may not get an epidural as quickly as you want or at all, depending on whatever else is going on in the hospital at the time.... I had an epidural with dd but with ds he was a c section that went horribly wrong and I had all the anaesthetists including the head of department in the theatre with me for 4 hours trying to stabilise me and prevent me from dying. If anyone had wanted an epidural during that time they would have had absolutely no chance.

No harm in asking at all. Just saying.

this midwife isn't the one who didn't do it right last time.

with dc3 I wanted something different to something that had happened with dc2. The midwife was amazing and lovely and did just as I asked and I would have hated to think that she would have had snippy request becasue of a mistake the last mw made.

haha, you're right, i does look a bit arsey...i think i am still carrying a fair bit of anger from the last midwife who made nasty comments about me 'not coping' and 'nobody else complains about my internals' adn then really roughly pushed my legs apart at the end. <inhales, exhales>

But you're right, not fair to project that on all midwives. Lostonthemoors will follow yr advice.

I was one of those who didn't get my epidural fairylea. Anaesthetist had put the thingywotsit into my spine and was over the other side of my deliver bay sorting out the drugs to attach to it when he fit called away to an emergency. I gave birth looking at what could have been my saviour!

I remember saying to my mw (through tears) 'he's not gonna get back in time is he'?

Well I lived to tell the tale and by leaving me and rushing off so did the lady who he rushed off too so that's all that matters! :-)

I think rephrasing it to make it more polite, perhaps instead of 'please give me' maybe something like 'where at all possible I would like' xx

Also, another non epidural, when I went into hospital to have my first I was already 9 cms and my son was out under 20 mins later, only a 2 hour labour so there was time for nothing!

Dear professional

Due to previous surgery on my cervix internal examinations are extremely painful for me so I would hope that these could be kept to the minimum where possible and when they become necessary that gas and air is available to help with the pain.

If possible I would like to have an epidural as soon as possible during labour

I am keen to find a birthing position that is the most comfortable for me and would like to be supported in achieving that.

Can't help you with the last one sorry!

Suggestions to make it a bit less inflammatory :

Title: Racetobed's birth preferences

Thank you for caring for me during labour and helping to bring my baby into the world! I would be very grateful if the following could be taken into account:

Please offer me gas and air during all internal examinations, as I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

I would like an epidural as soon as medically and practically possible.

When the time comes for me to give birth, please negotiate my position with me as I find it uncomfortable to have my legs pulled apart.

(Leave off the bit about saving you or the baby, it doesn't work like this in real life)

Thank you all

Cross-post with catsdontcare, saying basically the same thing

I appreciate I will be in the minority but I found the writing style amusing and wouldn't mind!

So you would rather your baby would have come through your bottom then? Cause that's what would have happened if she didn't open your legs ?

Any who - I think it would be better to phrase it differently .

It sounds condescending . Just a list of what you do or don't want would be better.

I'm curious about the legs pulled apart "like a sheep" bit?

Perhaps add in that you are still quite upset from a traumatic birth last time & hope they can bear with you as you will be feeling vulnerable / sensitive.

Then thank them for reading!

I agree with previous posters that it does come across as a bit rude and needs a little rewording.

I couldn't help but laught though at the Joan of Arc bit.

It made me but I would change the wording too I think.

I am currently writing mine, as I will be needing it in the next couple of days and all I want to write is

Please give me gas and air, then leave me alone in a dark room until its time to push.

That's all I can think of writing!

Seconded about removing the 'please save me first' bit. It's a bit movie-like.

If that situation did arise, they'd save everyone possible, but it'd come down to guidelines and circumstances and not what you've said in a birth plan.

hahah caja 'a bit movie-like'. I am a bit melodramatic, truth be told

If I was presented with this birth plan and I was the midwife, that epidural would take a LONG time to get to you (it would certainly not get to you before the child's 1st birthday) and I will unplug the gas and air "oops it's not working, i don't know why"

if i was a midwife i would be pissed off reading that, yes

No-one ever asked for or looked at my birth plans and I have had four DC.
Good job the baby comes out through the fanjo not the mouth and you can still talk or scream don't you dare cut me

I thought it was quite funny!

Agree with not needing the last line though.

if you're having an epidural doesn't that limit what position you can be in for giving birth?

admittedly maybe i've been watching too much one born, but all the epidurals i've seen (and those of friends in RL) meant giving birth on your back on the bed strapped up to monitors with your legs apart. (not really sure you can do it without having your legs apart TBH.)

Birth plans are a mystery to me. Why do you need to write down a list of instructions? All births are different so why not just make a verbal decision based on what's best at the time?

<thinks of dear friend who had a lovely natural pain-relief free birthplan written up, on a clipboard, and ended up with an epidural & emergency c-section>

And am also wondering how you'd like to give birth, if not with legs apart?

You don't have to have your legs very wide apart to birth even if you have an epidural. The tendency to pull legs up and apart with pushing is the idea it aids pushing effort and epidural tends to impede pushing so makes it more likely these techniques will be used. However you can ask them not to do it and they won't. You or your birth partner need to speak up and be assertive in a polite way. You only have a few things on your plan - much better to verbalise them than expect them to be read in my opinion.

Do you find it painful to have your legs apart. It may well be advisable to have a ribbon so you know how far appart your legs can go without being in pain.

pootles i think birth plans are very important. alot of women aren't fully aware of what's happening during labour and childbirth and decisions can be made very quickly and without you even realising what's happening. e.g i dont know if i tore/was stitched up when ds2 was born. i was in and out of consciousness, added to the fact that ds2 crashed immediately after birth and it was pure panic on mine and EXp's part that i just dont know what happened in the moment after his birth. i dont care enough to go and find out but if it had have been something important that i didn't want to happen i wouldn't have been able to object/refuse at that moment. i'm not sure EXP would have been together enough either to realise what was happening.

I don't think there's anything wrong with just putting 'I would like gas and air during internals' 'I would like to be consulted about changing position' etc. I hate the fluffy ' thanks for reading' ' thanks for helping me give birth' bollocks. They should be taking your preferences into account, you don't have to butter them up. A short, simple birth plan makes it clear. You can thank them afterwards!

Hope you're joking ladymia.

yes i hope ladymia has no control over any patients getting proper medical care and drugs when required.

Pootles a birth plan can be really helpful in some circumstances. I didn't have one for my first, and didn't anticipate ending up with a general anaesthetic immediately after delivery. It might sound trivial to some people but I had really wanted to see the placenta and just assumed that I would. After all I would deliver it after the baby, right? Due to a really fast post-partum haemorrhage and being wheeled off right away, I never did get to see it. If I had written it in the birth plan they would have saved it for me to see.

I wrote it in my birth plan for number 2 and got to see it, I'm over it now

I think the main problem with birth plans is the name - people are critical of them because you can't expect to plan how it will go. But what it really is is a list of things you want and don't want, written up in advance because at the time you may forget/not be able to express yourself/get sick of repeating it to every new person who may come in. My birth plan for number 2 included a list of things I would like to happen if I had to have a general anaesthetic again (ie father of baby to do skin to skin, doula to come with me to the operating theatre, that sort of thing). Thankfully it wasn't necessary but it was good to have the plan in place.

I wrote birth plans for my second and third because as it turned out I lose the ability to speak in labour and dp didn't have a clue so lots of stuff happened with dd which I wasn't happy about.

As for the legs apart thing, I only gave birth on my back once, I was lying flat on the bed with my feet braced on the footboard no more than a foot or so apart. Ds1 found his way out just fine with no need for me to spread them any further.