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Pregnant with no 2 - too soon(47 Posts)
My dd is 18 months and it took us 9 months to get pregnant with us. We were worried it would take ages again and as I'm 35 this year thought maybe we should start trying. Somehow, I am now pregnant after only 1 attempt. This seems crazy given the amount of effort that went in first time round, we thought it might even happen for us a second time.
Now I feel sick about the idea of it. I love my dd so much, I hate the idea of another baby coming between us. I suppose this is an example of not doing something until you're ready to, but we just thought that if we waited until we were ready and then it took months and months from then it might make it really hard to conceive, esp as I have pcos and v irregular periods. Someone tell me it will be ok!!
It'll be fine. In fact it'll be lovely for your dd to have a sibling so close in age. This is a gift to her not something coming between you.
I'm pregnant with my second and though have a bigger gap I still worry about what I've done to my lovely little family by having another, so I think it's a very normal response.
You're very lucky to be pg so quickly, without all that ttc stress. Try to think of all the wonderful positives. Congratulations!
We had the same issue with conceiving our number 3. We assumed it would be as hard as with number 2 (took a year ttc), just took a small risk with contraception and bingo I was pregnant - we did intend to have number 3 one day but not when we were in the middle of organising an international re-location!
Anyway.... there are many positives, thank god we are not going through that pressure of ttc. How lucky that it just happened. Another lovely baby on the way and not having to worry about whether we are doing the right thing.
I am sure you will get used to the idea and I have never known anyone regret having a child, only regret not having one if that is helpful!
That's not a small gap, it's about average in our family!
Seriously, I was shocked, even though we were trying for a second baby, to get pregnant so quickly second time around especially after trying so long for my first baby.
You'll get through it.
I remember worrying about a new baby coming between my and my first. They are 22 months apart now and the best of friends and the older one really looks after her younger sister and is, and always has been, very proud and protective of her. congratulations on your pregnancy, and so quick as well. I can empathise with getting pregnant sooner than expected, as I too, have just had a rather remarkable positive result today.
There will be about 20 months between my 2. Somehow I got it into my head that conceiving DS in the first month of TTC was 'too easy' so I was convinced we'd have more trouble this time round! I didn't believe DH telling me he thought I was pregnant this time due to my sudden nausea, hyper-smelling ability & crazy mood swings. I took the test just to prove him wrong & nearly had a heart attack! It'll be fine though... I'm sure...! If I tell myself that enough then I'll be completely convinced one day! There will be advantages & harder times having them so close together but I'm just trying to focus on the fact that this one is also part of our family so we'll all have to muddle along together somehow!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I've got 13 months between my 2, its fine. You'll be fine and the best present you can give your child is a sibling!
I'm actually only a few weeks pregnant so the gap will be 2 years. I am just gutted. All I can think about is how much I love my dd and feel as though I am betraying her if we have another. Also, she is so sweet and I can't imagine another child being as amazing as her. Just can't believe this happened after only having sex once in about 4 months!
Just popping on to say i'm expecting #2 and my ds is only 6 months, there'll be 13 months between them. We were lax with the contraception as it took 2 years to get pregnant the first time so we expected similar trouble (ha!).
I heard a nice saying once that 'every baby brings their own love with them' - you wont love your dd any less, you'll just love both children even more. I think its nice to have a sibling close in age too, as others have said.
you are 'gutted' that's really sad
2 years is a very average gap and you will love this baby just as much - try not to focus on the negatives and enjoy this pregnancy. Your new DC deserves it.
congrats emblosion.. 13 months = hard work for the first 3 years and then a total dream. In my experience anyway! mine are 7 and 8 now and best of friends.
thanks penguin I'm made up now I'm over the initial shock! At one point we thought we might need ivf, or we just might never be able to have a family so it just feels like a real blessing.
OP all you can do is take each day as it comes, you have lots of time over the next few months to do lots of special things with your dd and prepare her for the new baby too.
Sorry for shamelessly hijacking your thread here but I saw your title and...
Well it took me 1.5 years to get PG with DS. He is now 4.5 months and I've just found out that I'm PG again. By accident (we DTD ONCE since DS was born). It was like reading my own heart when I saw this:
Now I feel sick about the idea of it. I love my dd so much, I hate the idea of another baby coming between us. Sending big hugs your way.
penguinplease and emblosion how on earth you cope with a 13 month gap because this is what we'll have
Oh emblosion sorry just read your post properly - you are in fact in exactly the same situation!!
OP think how you will feel when they are 5 & 3 and you catch them holding hands or find them hiding from you together or tucked up together for a bedtime story.
you are giving your dd a sibling! thats a wonderful gift for her!
and you still have nine months to get your head round it.
Hey yummy, I'm due next week. I've also posted in fear of ruining my family (dd is 2) and whether dd will forgive me and if ill get over feeling I betrayed her. Talk to friends with more than 1. It helps. They don't notice now. All said they felt the same.
I think once its here ill have too much else to worry about, or hope so. I think it's a natural response. Thanks for posting as seeing more responses to ur fears have also helped me.
Always nice to know ur not alone. Good luck. Feel free to pm if wish. Xxx
There is a 19m gap between my ds and dd1 then 2.5 yr between dd1 and dd2 - they are all wonderful I love them all and op you really don't need to worry another dc wil just mean more children to love not less love for your eldest. The eldest will have your undivided attention for 2yrs later dc have to fit in and they will, you will adjust and so will your older dd. Try not to let your panic ruin your enjoyment of your pg which you were trying for. Congrats
It's a fact that the closer in age siblings are, the more likely they are to get along in childhood and look out for each other. My stepchildren have 5 years between them (14 and 9) and ever since I have known them they have fought, bickered, never really played together unless initiated by one of us... I always think that if they are closer, they grow together.
My sister and I were only 19 months apart and we are SO close... sometimes I think we should have been twins! We also have a brilliant relationship with our mum and often have days out together and... I just couldn't imagine life any other way. I think it's amazing that you'll be giving that to your current DD, I really do.
There's nothing more that any of us can really say to convince you... you will see when your new little bundle of joy comes along. It will bring a new magic and happiness to you and all your family.
My dd was 15 months old when I found out I was pregnant again and I was terrified. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with two and that I wouldn't love anyone as much as my dd (I feel a bit daft admitting that now and when I look at my dd2 I can't believe that I ever felt scared about having her.)
My girls are now 3.3 and 15 months and they are just amazing and love each other so much. They play together (although the fights over toys have already started) and are always hugging one another. It can be hard at times but I think it would be the same with any age gap. Try and give yourself some time to get used to it
My ds was 18 and abit months when I fell preg with ds2 theres like a 2.4 yr age gap so its not too small, fell preg with this one when ds2 was 18 months too. It will be fine don't worry xxxx
16 months btw my two - it was a shock, but the best thing that ever happened. Whatever they are doing, they do it together, whether its having fun or beating each other up. They LOVE being close in age (are now 10 & 11)
Thanks everyone, I guess I am still in shock a bit as it's such recent news. Glad that I'm not weird in worrying about feeling I'm betraying dd - seems I'm not the only one. I liked the post about them holding hands, would be v sweet.
Yummy it might be worth reading Jools Olivers book, think its called Bump to Nine Months and she talks about TTC with Jamie and how long it took and then how surprise surprise! pg with no.2 straight away.
she wrote it well before dcs 4&5 came along, and there are some divine photos and nice little stories in about how well her girls got along.
purplelooby yep, we're in the same boat! I'm pretty sure I got pregnant the first time dh and I had sex post-childbirth also. Go figure hey? When are you due? PM me if you ever fancy a chat
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