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Pregnant with no 2 - too soon(47 Posts)
My dd is 18 months and it took us 9 months to get pregnant with us. We were worried it would take ages again and as I'm 35 this year thought maybe we should start trying. Somehow, I am now pregnant after only 1 attempt. This seems crazy given the amount of effort that went in first time round, we thought it might even happen for us a second time.
Now I feel sick about the idea of it. I love my dd so much, I hate the idea of another baby coming between us. I suppose this is an example of not doing something until you're ready to, but we just thought that if we waited until we were ready and then it took months and months from then it might make it really hard to conceive, esp as I have pcos and v irregular periods. Someone tell me it will be ok!!
It'll be fine. In fact it'll be lovely for your dd to have a sibling so close in age. This is a gift to her not something coming between you.
I'm pregnant with my second and though have a bigger gap I still worry about what I've done to my lovely little family by having another, so I think it's a very normal response.
You're very lucky to be pg so quickly, without all that ttc stress. Try to think of all the wonderful positives. Congratulations!
We had the same issue with conceiving our number 3. We assumed it would be as hard as with number 2 (took a year ttc), just took a small risk with contraception and bingo I was pregnant - we did intend to have number 3 one day but not when we were in the middle of organising an international re-location!
Anyway.... there are many positives, thank god we are not going through that pressure of ttc. How lucky that it just happened. Another lovely baby on the way and not having to worry about whether we are doing the right thing.
I am sure you will get used to the idea and I have never known anyone regret having a child, only regret not having one if that is helpful!
That's not a small gap, it's about average in our family!
Seriously, I was shocked, even though we were trying for a second baby, to get pregnant so quickly second time around especially after trying so long for my first baby.
You'll get through it.
I remember worrying about a new baby coming between my and my first. They are 22 months apart now and the best of friends and the older one really looks after her younger sister and is, and always has been, very proud and protective of her. congratulations on your pregnancy, and so quick as well. I can empathise with getting pregnant sooner than expected, as I too, have just had a rather remarkable positive result today.
There will be about 20 months between my 2. Somehow I got it into my head that conceiving DS in the first month of TTC was 'too easy' so I was convinced we'd have more trouble this time round! I didn't believe DH telling me he thought I was pregnant this time due to my sudden nausea, hyper-smelling ability & crazy mood swings. I took the test just to prove him wrong & nearly had a heart attack! It'll be fine though... I'm sure...! If I tell myself that enough then I'll be completely convinced one day! There will be advantages & harder times having them so close together but I'm just trying to focus on the fact that this one is also part of our family so we'll all have to muddle along together somehow!
I thought you were going to say a 13 month gap or less! I would say that is about average for the gap between first and second, particularly for older mothers. It'll be hard, but I'm sure you will have double the love!
I've got 13 months between my 2, its fine. You'll be fine and the best present you can give your child is a sibling!
I'm actually only a few weeks pregnant so the gap will be 2 years. I am just gutted. All I can think about is how much I love my dd and feel as though I am betraying her if we have another. Also, she is so sweet and I can't imagine another child being as amazing as her. Just can't believe this happened after only having sex once in about 4 months!
Just popping on to say i'm expecting #2 and my ds is only 6 months, there'll be 13 months between them. We were lax with the contraception as it took 2 years to get pregnant the first time so we expected similar trouble (ha!).
I heard a nice saying once that 'every baby brings their own love with them' - you wont love your dd any less, you'll just love both children even more. I think its nice to have a sibling close in age too, as others have said.
you are 'gutted' that's really sad
2 years is a very average gap and you will love this baby just as much - try not to focus on the negatives and enjoy this pregnancy. Your new DC deserves it.
congrats emblosion.. 13 months = hard work for the first 3 years and then a total dream. In my experience anyway! mine are 7 and 8 now and best of friends.
thanks penguin I'm made up now I'm over the initial shock! At one point we thought we might need ivf, or we just might never be able to have a family so it just feels like a real blessing.
OP all you can do is take each day as it comes, you have lots of time over the next few months to do lots of special things with your dd and prepare her for the new baby too.
Sorry for shamelessly hijacking your thread here but I saw your title and...
Well it took me 1.5 years to get PG with DS. He is now 4.5 months and I've just found out that I'm PG again. By accident (we DTD ONCE since DS was born). It was like reading my own heart when I saw this:
Now I feel sick about the idea of it. I love my dd so much, I hate the idea of another baby coming between us. Sending big hugs your way.
penguinplease and emblosion how on earth you cope with a 13 month gap because this is what we'll have
Oh emblosion sorry just read your post properly - you are in fact in exactly the same situation!!
OP think how you will feel when they are 5 & 3 and you catch them holding hands or find them hiding from you together or tucked up together for a bedtime story.
you are giving your dd a sibling! thats a wonderful gift for her!
and you still have nine months to get your head round it.
Hey yummy, I'm due next week. I've also posted in fear of ruining my family (dd is 2) and whether dd will forgive me and if ill get over feeling I betrayed her. Talk to friends with more than 1. It helps. They don't notice now. All said they felt the same.
I think once its here ill have too much else to worry about, or hope so. I think it's a natural response. Thanks for posting as seeing more responses to ur fears have also helped me.
Always nice to know ur not alone. Good luck. Feel free to pm if wish. Xxx
There is a 19m gap between my ds and dd1 then 2.5 yr between dd1 and dd2 - they are all wonderful I love them all and op you really don't need to worry another dc wil just mean more children to love not less love for your eldest. The eldest will have your undivided attention for 2yrs later dc have to fit in and they will, you will adjust and so will your older dd. Try not to let your panic ruin your enjoyment of your pg which you were trying for. Congrats
It's a fact that the closer in age siblings are, the more likely they are to get along in childhood and look out for each other. My stepchildren have 5 years between them (14 and 9) and ever since I have known them they have fought, bickered, never really played together unless initiated by one of us... I always think that if they are closer, they grow together.
My sister and I were only 19 months apart and we are SO close... sometimes I think we should have been twins! We also have a brilliant relationship with our mum and often have days out together and... I just couldn't imagine life any other way. I think it's amazing that you'll be giving that to your current DD, I really do.
There's nothing more that any of us can really say to convince you... you will see when your new little bundle of joy comes along. It will bring a new magic and happiness to you and all your family.
My dd was 15 months old when I found out I was pregnant again and I was terrified. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with two and that I wouldn't love anyone as much as my dd (I feel a bit daft admitting that now and when I look at my dd2 I can't believe that I ever felt scared about having her.)
My girls are now 3.3 and 15 months and they are just amazing and love each other so much. They play together (although the fights over toys have already started) and are always hugging one another. It can be hard at times but I think it would be the same with any age gap. Try and give yourself some time to get used to it
My ds was 18 and abit months when I fell preg with ds2 theres like a 2.4 yr age gap so its not too small, fell preg with this one when ds2 was 18 months too. It will be fine don't worry xxxx
16 months btw my two - it was a shock, but the best thing that ever happened. Whatever they are doing, they do it together, whether its having fun or beating each other up. They LOVE being close in age (are now 10 & 11)
Thanks everyone, I guess I am still in shock a bit as it's such recent news. Glad that I'm not weird in worrying about feeling I'm betraying dd - seems I'm not the only one. I liked the post about them holding hands, would be v sweet.
Yummy it might be worth reading Jools Olivers book, think its called Bump to Nine Months and she talks about TTC with Jamie and how long it took and then how surprise surprise! pg with no.2 straight away.
she wrote it well before dcs 4&5 came along, and there are some divine photos and nice little stories in about how well her girls got along.
purplelooby yep, we're in the same boat! I'm pretty sure I got pregnant the first time dh and I had sex post-childbirth also. Go figure hey? When are you due? PM me if you ever fancy a chat
Mine are close for the same reasons, ish, we were aiming for two years between but got 20 months cos it happened very quickly second time. You have nine months to get used to the idea.
Firstborn was quite soon helping us out by putting the dummy in baby dds mouth and he was saying No baby! Firstborn will adapt and might thank you one day that their sibling is close in age.
We have 18 months between DD1 & 2, 2 1/2 years between DD2 & 3 and 22 months between DD3 & DS. It's hectic but fun.
I pthink r ermine when pregnant with number 2 thinks how will I love DC2 as much as DC1 but as everyone says our love or sent half it doubles. I adored DD2 as much as DD1 as soon as she was born. As will you adore your DC2.
yummy if you worry about whether you'll love your 2nd as much as the first, don't worry, you will!
think of it this way if you do (or let's say you do) have a nephew or a niece then a second one came along, you'd love them both, wouldn't you?
and they are not even your kids!
and to cheer you up - when my 9 months old DD was crying the other day, my DS5 (who is 23 months older) came running in and said to her "Don't cry Liza Baba, I'm here!" then he sat down next to her, put his arm round her shoulder and showered her with kisses! I melted at the sight of them......
13 month gap here too - DS1 is 19mo and DS2 is just on 6mo. It is hard work but there are some lovely minutes when I come over to find them laughing at each other!
I didn't realise there were so many other 13-monthers out there it's a comfort, especially given how judged I felt by the other mums in the room when I turned up for my 12 week scan with a 7 month old baby! I felt like they were all disapproving of my clearly lax attitude to birth control....
Sorry to go slightly off the topic but can I just ask whether those who got pg within 10 months of having a baby were breastfeeding or not as I am considering the possibility of having another quite quickly after this one due t my and dh ages but did not think you could until you stopped breastfeeding.
I am an older mum with 23 months between my two DDs, who are 2 and 9 weeks. I was horrified to find myself pregnant again last time and really thought at my age (and I have a terrible obstetric history) I would just miscarry. I half hoped I would. I couldn't countenance messing up my happy family with my older DD and I couldn't believe with so little attempt (literally just one occasion!) and at my age (40) I was pregnant again just like that...
I felt absolutely like you did, to the point of feeling really depressed about it. try not to. It is pretty hard work but my two DDs are ok and my older DD is not too jealous most of the time (except when tired) and does not appear to resent the baby. She was upset for the first couple of weeks but has come to accept her younger sister quite quickly. She is really wanting my attention all the time (she knows she is now competing) which is hard work for me, but there are positives too - she is now being really nice to me and is mostly affectionate with her sister (though needs watching as she'll jump on the 9 weeks old whilst trying to hug her). She enjoys trying to help look after the baby
I'm not sure I love the 9 week old as much as the older DD yet TBH (I found it very different this time) but that is getting there too - I think I will eventually.
Same with me, except our gap is smaller. You have 9 months to get used to the idea and it will be fine. I don't know about you but when conceived first child I wondered about how it would change our lives and affect the dynamics, as we were perfectly happy before. We're now perfectly happy as a 3 so, fingers crossed, we and your family will be as a 4. Good luck
Don't panic, lots of people manage with smaller gaps.
It struck me in your op that you say you "hate the idea of another baby coming between us". It is hard to imagine now as dc2 is just a small ball of cells, but it's not just "another baby", it's your gorgeous and wanted second child.
It's impossible to imagine loving a second child as much as your first, but you will. Congratulations!
19 months between mine which I was delighted about. DD and DS are currently tucked up in bed sleeping together (4 and 2.5 now) and spent most of the day watching cbeebies, playing going on holiday, playing cars, building a snowman and chasing each other round the house- without me.
It was always my plan for a lazy parenting role after the initial hard work!
Congratuulations that's lovely news, and by the looks of things a lovely gap 26/27 months or so. Sounds perfect to me.
I had 13.5 months between mine and it was hard. But now they are 3 and 4 it's getting easier and I think by next year once they start going to school it will be alot easier again.
We have 16 months gap. OP I can completely empathise, infact I remember saying to DH "What have we done? I love DD1 so much, will I love DC2 as much? What if I don't?"
I do. Don't worry. It's a common feeling. Enjoy your pregnancy and the 1 to 1 you have now. Life WILL change but that's what happens. You will be a lovely family of 4 who all love each other
monkey I was still bf 7 month old, am over 35 and fat and STILL got pregnant withing 2 months of TTC!
There is 21 months between my dc1&2. Since it took 3 years to get knocked up the first time, I thought we had better crack on, but like you I got pregnant the first month second time around.
I won't lie and say it wasn't hard, I was truly knackered in the last 10 weeks or so due to dc1 being a bolter, lumbering round like a small elephant after a lightning fast toddler was bloody hard work, and the first year or so after the birth was tough as dc2 was very demanding, and dc1 too small to understand why he sometimes had to wait for stuff. Unfortunately he was well able to get himself into mischief whilst I was otherwise engaged with the baby! You will need eyes in the back of your head for a while. Things did get a lot better once dc1 hit 3yo, and they do play together now, but they also fight a lot, and sibling rivalry is rife in this house
IMHO, 13 months is the ideal gap - my sister is 13 months younger than me and we just love each other
although we did fight a lot as adolescents but that's another story.
Don't worry, OP, you'll love your second baby just as much as your PFB, but maybe in a different way.
OP what you're feeling is completely normal. Even with a bigger age gap you may very well have had the same worries about the affect on DC1 and your relationship. A few words of wisdom that I've picked up since having my 3 DCs.
The love doubles (or even trebbles!) it doesn't halve.
You are giving existing DCs a gift - someone to share life experiences with long after you and DP have gone.
The joy you will all have as a family playing and enjoying time together increases the more of you there are
There's a 20 month gap between my youngest two and it's no problem. You will adjust and it will be wonderful.
I've been having similar worries OP, there will be 15 months between my DS and baby 2. Reading the replies on here has made me feel so much better!
Herrena we got some funny looks at the 12 week scan as well, especially as ds was having a particularly screamy day <sigh>
I'm loving all the small age gap solidarity
monkey I wasn't bf when I got pregnant, but I know others it has happened to!
I once, on here possibly, heard love described as being like cake.
If your love for dc1 is like a cake. You don't have to half the cake and share it out when dc2 is born. You just get another cake.
OP Dd is 8mo and I'm just over 5 weeks pregnant after ttc once! A little more surprising than most as DD was conceived on our fourth go at IVF!
I too am very nervous about the 16 month age gap, especially as my DH works very long hours. DD is a fabulous sleeper but I worked at getting her into a good routine and am just worried I won't have the time to do that with DC2.
DD is still BF by the way. My cycle came back when she was 5 months.
I got pregnant with dc2 when dc1 was 19 months - so was 2.4 when the baby came along. It's a wonderful gap IME. They adored each other from the beginning, are 7 and 5 now and have a fantastic relationship - not without their fights, but they play fantastically together and clearly love each other so much.
mylittlemonkey - I got pregnant 3 times while breastfeeding (two miscarriages, sadly, but nothing to do with the bf). And fed throughout pregnancy and tandem fed them for 2 years (and dc2 for another year after that). The contraceptive effect of bf is only reliable if you are exclusively bf, i.e. no solids whatsoever, and not having periods (and even then it's not 100%). It will vary individually, but I think for most people there's no need to stop bf to ttc.
Yummy same anticipated age gap here, Dc2 is due in June when DS will just be 2. Im also 35 and wanted to get on with it, but hadn't expected to fall pg so soon as it took us 2 years to conceive DS.
I still have moments, mostly middle of the night, when I cry about upsetting DS's world - he's such a fun age at the mo and I'm bracing myself for dealing with more toddler challenges whilst wrangling a newborn. But I do take some comfort in the idea he'll have a friend and sidekick, my love will somehow expand to include them both.
Also, practically, it gets it done (don't know if we'll stop at 2 but expect we probably will) and as a family, in a couple of years I can refocus on my career and we can think about the next house move etc etc.
Just don't get me started on double prams.
Congratulations, you will be more than fine and will have a lovely age gap.19m between my 1st two and DC3 due imminently and will be 23 months younger than DC2.
If/when your DD is a naughty 3 year old you may well feel you prefer the new one!I totally adore both of mine but when asked if I have a favourite my honest answer is that my 3 year old provokes a much wider range of emotions within me as his behaviour varies from charming to ridiculous but my little one is much easier to like all the time simply because he doesn't do anything naughty..yet.But,you will love both of yours, it is totally possible and easier to understand when they are actually here.
And monkey I conceived DS2 when DS1 was 10 months, had stopped bf at 7 , had a couple of periods and that was it..and I was 37 then.
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