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I can't 'talk' to my bump! Feel ridiculous!! Am I the only one?!

(75 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Thu 03-Jan-13 10:40:42

Friends and family have asked if I am talking to my bump or playing music to it and seem very surprised when I say I'm not. A quick trawl on MN makes me think a lot of people ARE talking to their bumps and I'm suddenly feeling as though I'm doing something very wrong by not doing so.

I feel very attached indeed to the baby, and stroke my bump quite a bit when she kicks, but I just feel absolutely ludicrous trying to talk to her!! I haven't asked DH to talk to her, because I think he'd feel just as silly. He does feel the kicks though, and always asks how she is IYSWIM.

Haven't even begun to consider playing her music etc, which I have now learned other people are doing... oh, dear, am I already destined to be a bad mother???

I'm getting worried that I'm not doing enough.

TameGaloot Thu 03-Jan-13 10:42:02

I don't think I talked to mine either. They hear you when you're talking to other people. They don't know who you're talking to.
I wouldn't worry if I were you

PandaOnAPushBike Thu 03-Jan-13 10:42:57

I don't talk to my bump either. Way too weird for me. But I do sing as I do my chores and I guess he's listening in to conversations I have with others.

Some advice I was given. When you don't know what to say, just say "I love you". This advice worked for me through pregnancy and when my DD was a tiny baby.

I didn't play music as she didn't seem to like it, except for the Flower Duet, which can get a bit tiresome after the first 4 months.

And yes, we both felt very silly talking to the bump but we still did it.

WhyIRayLiotta Thu 03-Jan-13 10:46:41

Nah - I never really 'talked' to her... But I did sing loads - I always do sadly I'm tone deaf I sing around the house, to the radio, in the car etc. After I'd given birth, a few weeks later, the first time I was out without her in the car I was singing along to the radio and I became sad when I realised I didn't have my audience in my tummy anymore blush

If it makes you feel daft - don't do it - baby will know your voice from all the normal talking you do anyway grin

emeraldgirl1 Thu 03-Jan-13 10:47:16

Thanks ladies that's good to hear! Feel a bit less alone!
I think I had been assuming she would hear just general conversation, I was really surprised at first when my friends and auntie sounded so surprised that I was not talking directly to her...
I suppose there's a bit of an issue around this for me as DH is hearing-impaired and we're naturally worried about this being inherited, so I don't want to talk or play music directly to the baby in case I 'jinx' anything IYSWIM. ie I don't want to assume she can hear us as I feel I need to get used to the idea that maybe she can't sad

MJP1 Thu 03-Jan-13 10:49:43

Me too I felt silly doing it, and so did my partner I am now 35 weeks, I cannot wait to meet her,
we talk about her and refer to her name, I stroke and rub my bump and its only in the shower that I may quickly have a little chat. but do feel stupid doing so. The bub is a right fidget has been since very early on so sure we're doing somthing right.
We constantly have music on but nothing specific, I did try playing the same Smiths song over and over so make the bump love our sort of music but nothing, I do find to my horror that if the radio is on shouty FM (Radio 1) the bump seems to like Rhianna's screetchy voice sad
Dont think its wrong I know ive bonded with it already and the real chit chat will start when bub is here.

Sure everyone is different. xxx

TameGaloot Thu 03-Jan-13 10:53:38

Mjp
Nah it's chilling out to the smiths and trying to get away when it hears Rihanna

3ForMe Thu 03-Jan-13 11:00:25

Never talked, sang /warbled, to any of my bumps.

We are and always have been, perfectly bonded.

I played classical music with dc1 and bump wriggled around.

But that's it.

Don't worry if you don't do it, nothing wrong with you at all. Everyone's different. Good luck with your pg

Bunnychan Thu 03-Jan-13 11:01:23

I don't talk to mine but I'm a primary school teacher so I figure that baby hears me talking, reading stories and singing when I'm at work. I do however, talk to the baby in my head- odd I know! Usually wishing it to kick for me or to be ok lol x

HoneyDragon Thu 03-Jan-13 11:02:23

I don't think I talked to either of my bumps till about 36 weeks, and then it was only to tell them to start thinking about getting the hell out grin

comeonbishbosh Thu 03-Jan-13 11:03:44

No, have never talked to my bump 1 or bump 2. I'm sure it's one of those things that if it helps you and you enjoy it than fine, go ahead. But I don't believe it makes the blindest bit of difference to the little one inside. As someone mentioned above, they hear your voice all the time talking to other people. While he/she is inside me, my bodies job is essentially a physiological one of keeping him/her alive. Once their out, I'm happy to be as attachment parenting as you like.

TwitchyTail Thu 03-Jan-13 11:15:36

Eh? Talking to the bump?

The only time I talk to mine is to berate it when it's kicking me too aggressively grin

Unborn babies do hear and get familiar with their mother's voice, but they haven't a clue whether you're directing your conversation at them or not, so I wouldn't bother (unless you want to!)

CaptainNancy Thu 03-Jan-13 11:15:54

Don't worry, your baby will know your voice from hearing you speak to other, I never talked to my bumps, but they all turned their heads when I said hello to them 1st time.

<<tips red cap to tamegaloot>>

stowsettler Thu 03-Jan-13 12:05:39

Just like TwitchyTail, bump only gets talked to directly if she's causing me pain!
I've got 2 dogs and talk incessantly to them, all gooey stuff so I reckon if she can hear that, she'll get to know the sound of my voice!

rrreow Thu 03-Jan-13 12:32:29

I can't talk to my bump (second pg, couldn't in first one either). I had trouble talking to my DS as well for the longest time, especially in public. He's 20 months now and I'm getting better at it. It just kind of feels weird to talk to someone who doesn't respond verbally! I do talk to my cat (but only when no one else is around!)

noblegiraffe Thu 03-Jan-13 12:40:31

I remember with my first pregnancy people banging on about playing classical music to your bump and me thinking I wasn't that keen on classical music so going out and buying a 'Best of John Williams' cd because hey, that's orchestral. So my bump heard the Indiana Jones and Star Wars themes quite a lot, but luckily seems unaffected. Talking felt awkward and silly when pregnant, but when the baby arrived, not a problem at all. Don't worry about it!

JoJoCK Thu 03-Jan-13 12:44:06

I talk to my bump and dh thinks I am mad!

MrsReiver Thu 03-Jan-13 12:55:07

The only time I've ever spoken to my bump is to tell it off when it's keeping me awake at 1am!

DS has read it stories though, which was incredibly cute!

BonaDea Thu 03-Jan-13 12:58:17

I rarely speak to my bump as such, but I did buy a CD of lullabyes for the car. There are 5 tracks which I like, which take about 15 minutes to sing through, so I tend to do that either on the way to or from work most days. My thinking is that when he / she is born those will be familiar and comforting songs which will remind him / her of being in the safe, cosy womb.

But talking just seems a bit odd. What are you going to say and how does the baby know you are talking to it? As others have said, you talk all day long, so the baby will still know your voice and that of your partner.

10storeylovesong Thu 03-Jan-13 13:01:55

I've not talked to my bump yet but quite relieved to find that he seems to respond to Foo Fighters and Jet! No dancing to crappy pop music thank God! Although it doesn't get played in my house so not really had chance! I might try him with Smiths and see how we get on!

Myliferocks Thu 03-Jan-13 13:04:21

Never spoke to any of my 5 bumps.

SamSmalaidh Thu 03-Jan-13 13:06:09

Never occurred to me to talk to my bump, how weird! Didn't even realise this was a thing you were supposed to do grin

Why would you confused

Thumbwitch Thu 03-Jan-13 13:14:40

I only really spoke to mine when I was alone - in bed at night (I had to sleep alone because I had a lot of pain and ended up sleeping on a beanbag to ameliorate the acid reflux), or while driving on my own. DS1 had a few chats with the bump, which was very sweet - I can't remember DH saying much to it though! I think he was a bit more forthcoming with DS1, when he was a bump, but he felt a bit daft as well.

I don't think it matters - the baby will hear your voice every time you speak (so long as her hearing is fine, which we all hope for you it is) and that's all she needs, really.

upanddown83 Thu 03-Jan-13 13:26:51

I'm 20 was and definitely don't talk to my bump at all I like u op stroke my bump and really enjoy it being there but I don't talk to the skin holding my baby in!
I do however use the baby to not have to get off sofa for snacks I tell dp baby wants crisps etc and that daddy has to get them!

upanddown83 Thu 03-Jan-13 13:27:21

I am 20 wks!

BlissfullyIgnorant Thu 03-Jan-13 13:32:35

Read aloud and sing while doing stuff. It's the only way of not feeling too stupid.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Thu 03-Jan-13 14:31:41

I don't talk to bump, I do stroke it though and feel immensely bonded with my lovely bump (I didn't have one with DD, she never sprouted a bump for some reason!)

DD is 9 and she talks through my belly button to him grin however she does a Dory from Nemo whale talk

Makes me howl laughing, entertains us and baby does react with kicks (poor boy, he has no idea he isn't coming into a normal, calm, family)

LimeLeafLizard Thu 03-Jan-13 14:31:48

I used to sing to my pfb when he was the bump - but only when I was alone as I was embarrassed.

I don't talk or sing to this bump - no. 4 because I am too busy yelling at creatively playing with my other 3 children.

xlatia Thu 03-Jan-13 14:39:25

do whatever feels right to you, i'm sure either is fine! but this just struck me as yet another thing where other people are trying to impose their views on parenting on you and make you feel bad (intentionally or not) and that even BEFORE the baby is born! angry
i never talked to bump no. 1 and have not plans doing it with bump no. 2 (16 wks currently).

showmethetoys Thu 03-Jan-13 14:55:31

The whole 'talking to your bump' thing is ridiculous, they can hear you talking to other people, and obviously dont know if you are directly talking to them. I am a teacher, so DS had no shortage of my voice throughout my pregnancy (and also me singing along to the radio a lot ). I agree with xlatia that this is just another thing that people can berate you for not doing, its nuts!

falalalalagirl Thu 03-Jan-13 14:56:47

I never talked to either of my bumps. I reckon they heard quite enough of me squawking on during the day (I am a teacher) so they were probably glad of some peace and quiet when I wasn't at work. I never sang or played music to them either, they had to listen to my choice of tunes in the car. DS talked to DD when she was in utero but mainly just to shout at her.

skratta Thu 03-Jan-13 15:30:50

I've never talked to my bumps ever.

I do talk to the dogs sometimes though...But I don't get how people can talk to their babies. Feel a connection- certainly, bond with the baby- yes. But talking just feels odd and very embarrassing. DH feels the same too.

Babies won't know who the conversation is aimed at, and won't understand what you're saying really, so, tbh, it doesn't matter. I don't put music on normally, but my DDs all did for DS because they thought it was fun, like DD1 who worked out that One Direction, Justin Bieber and Rihanna were DS' favourite singers! confused I had a tone death baby clearly!

aaaaagh Thu 03-Jan-13 15:55:26

I attached teach yourself foreign language tapes to my bump and played classical music constantly - they are now multi-lingual and can play Beethoven by ear. NOT! However we did go and see The Lion King on stage a few weeks before the DTDs were born and they did 'drum' inside me in time to the very loud African music on stage and now DTD2 is learning the drums....so just maybe....?

aaaaagh Thu 03-Jan-13 15:56:29

Oh sorry it's DTD1 - she'll never forgive me for the 'demotion' !

Itsjustmeanon Thu 03-Jan-13 16:05:20

I talk to my bump. Nobody told me too, just something I started doing if on my own, from about 7 months onwards.

CurlyKiwiControl Thu 03-Jan-13 16:18:36

err if you tend to talk at all I'm sure that's fine. baby doesn't know whether it's directed at them or not presumably. I think most of us talk at some point during 9 month.

ImperialBlether Thu 03-Jan-13 16:43:37

I always talked to my bumps and so did their dad. My daughter talked to my son when he was inside me, too. I thought that was normal!

Dogsmom Thu 03-Jan-13 16:51:27

I don't talk to mine very often, if she kicks I tend to give my belly a rub and say something like 'you ok in there?' but I don't read to her or anything.
My husband talks to her though sometimes, or sings, I think it makes him feel closer to her, neither of us get embarrassed but then we never feel awkward around each other in any situation.

One thing I DO do is rub her, I'm 31 weeks so can easily feel her with my hand and she always responds by wriggling or squirming so I know she feels me.

ChristmasKnackers Thu 03-Jan-13 16:54:51

I loved my bump, but never chatted to it, felt ridiculous. I spent a lot of time worrying about raising my voice though.... I'm a teacher and on occasion have to shout, I would worry that it would upset him or he would think I was horrid!

BuckyMummy Thu 03-Jan-13 16:57:36

I felt a bit daft talking to my tummy, so I used to read out loud to my DD when she was in there.

I also listen to music quite a lot anyway, and my DD seems to have the same tastes as I do!

Don't worry though, it isn't too late to start!

iamwhaticallpregnant Thu 03-Jan-13 17:00:55

Wouldnt say i talk 'to' him but I talk to myself a lot and my partner and I talk a lot to each other ( confident he will know my voice). We always say his name and funnily enough my partner talks to him more - he'll say bye to him when he goes to work or night or ask what he wants to eat and gives my stomach a little rub. Quite cute considering he is quite the macho aloof man!

iamwhaticallpregnant Thu 03-Jan-13 17:02:32

Oooh Christmasknackers - me too. I raised my voice A LOT to students / and my cats - and had to stop myself!

Doraemon Thu 03-Jan-13 17:04:21

I occasionally say 'come on baby' when heaving myself painfully off the sofa, but more to spur myself on than to communicate with unborn child.
She does kick a lot when I read bedtime stories to her big brothers though, and is probably very familiar with the Scooby Doo theme tune after daily exposure to it for the past 7 months. And DS2 likes to put his hands on my bump and sing to it to make her kick, He has invented a song called 'there's 5 people in our family', and if that doesn't work he sings 'wake up baby, wakey uppy baby, wake up baby WAKE UP'. When I was pregnant with him his big brother could barely talk but would shout 'OUT BABY' at my bump hmm.

Thumbwitch Thu 03-Jan-13 18:39:14

aaaaaagh - that made me smile and reminded me that while I was pg with DS1 I was still in a small function band - rehearsing with them was entertaining as I got more pg because DS1 would react to some songs more than others. Funk was his thing - I couldn't work out if he loved it or hated it but either way I got a good kicking when we did any funk numbers! (either banging to make me stop or grooving away inside, hard to tell) He's a good little dancer now so perhaps grooving on down, who knows... wink

TimeyWimeyStuff Thu 03-Jan-13 18:51:23

in my first pregnancy, i made a point of singing the same, gentle song a lot, especially in the car. i contuinued to sing the song to DD now and then after she was born. the older she got, the more it was used to soothe her to sleep in desperate. Now, at 2.5 she requests it when she's really tired or not well. And that really touches me. smile

Bue Thu 03-Jan-13 19:01:39

The idea that talking to your bump is now somehow required is just batshit crazy. The baby has no clue that you are talking TO it.

Hmm think I might go have a chat with my elbow now...

judefawley Thu 03-Jan-13 19:01:42

I might have said the odd 'ow, what are you doing in there?'

But talking to it, no.

We did enjoy making them jump though blush

BigBaubledBertha Thu 03-Jan-13 19:13:14

I talked to my bumps and sing as well. I like to think that they could tell that if I was stroking my bump and talking in a particular tone, it was direct at them. It is probably wishful thinking but I did it all the same. I didn't do it in public but it doesn't really feel ridiculous doing it in private - I don't get why it is ridiculous if you are alone. It isn't just a bump, it is a small person to me, just somebody I hadn't seen much!

I did have conversations with the babies in my head too and imagined that they could somehow 'hear' that which I recognise is really daft!blush

I wonder if the people who don't talk to their bumps are also the people who don't talk to small babies much? I know some people find that hard too but after jabbering away to a bump talking to a real live baby was a piece of cake.grin

However, we are all different and the vast majority of us are good enough mothers to our children (which imo is fine) so I wouldn't worry about it OP. Just do what comes naturally and all will be well. smile

tedmundo Thu 03-Jan-13 19:13:55

The cat lies on my bump in the evenings and purrs. Will the baby think it is a feline when it comes out?!

I spend my day talking / reading to / shouting at DS1 and DS2 .. I am going to assume the bump is hearing enough language already.

SamSmalaidh Thu 03-Jan-13 20:06:29

I talked and sung to my baby all the time, but a bump? I don't understand why you would confused What's the idea behind it?

nappyaddict Thu 03-Jan-13 21:13:10

Never talked to, read to or sung to my bump. I play music anyway when doing housework etc and talk to other people ... same thing I reckon grin

I didn't really stroke my bump either ... am I weird? It actually gets on my nerves when I see pregnant people stroking their bump .. dunno why as it's a bit of an irrational thought!

Never talked to any of mine, it never occured to me to even try it.

DS and DD have both taken to climbing into bed with me every morning, lifting up my pyjama top and shouting 'Good morning baby!' into my belly button. It'll be interesting to see if the baby reacts to their voices when s/he puts in an appearance.

I don't stroke my bump either. Just prod it occasionally to try and get it to move over when it gets too lopsided and uncomfortable.

Meglet Thu 03-Jan-13 21:31:45

I think I only spoke to my bumps when they were hiccuping on my bladder.

Librarina Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:10

I'm only 17 weeks and I do occasionally say things to the bump, mostly when I'm a bit worried or when it's aching me I'll say "Come on, baby", I also stroke it all the time, which is a bit embarrassing. I think I do it because it doesn't feel entirely real and by saying things to myself helps it feel a little bit more so. I don't think the baby knows but I know it doesn't mind!

surfingbabies Thu 03-Jan-13 21:40:06

I'm 39 weeks with number 4 and I'm always talking to it, I play baby einstein through a under pillow speaker and DC read and sing to it. My DP doesn't as much but he does while he's stroking my belly! We don't feel silly, in fact I feel it to be very normal.....
Just think it can hear you so it's not silly, it's your developing baby who will feel so comfortable when it joins you on the outside because it recognises yours and your DH voices so the more you talk/sing to it surely the better!
Try it & after a while it will just be normal for you......it might just feel silly as you've not done it before smile good luck xx

charlieexox Thu 03-Jan-13 22:11:17

When i was pregnant i found it strange to begin with. But as the late night kicks and movements got more frequent i often spoke and sung to him. It was like our special time together.

rogersmellyonthetelly Thu 03-Jan-13 22:47:20

I occasionally mutter under my breath "will you stop kicking me in the fanjo you little bugger" or other words of endearment, but other than that I have never spoken directly to the belly. I reckon the baby most definately knows the sound of your voice by the time it's born regardless of whether you talk to the belly or not!

edam Thu 03-Jan-13 22:53:36

I used to pat my bump and whisper to the baby. Can't remember what about and only in the privacy of my own home!

pinkandyellowbutterfly Fri 04-Jan-13 01:48:18

Yes I can imagine that would be a worry. Just bond with your bumpin a way that makes you feel comfortable, and that will make your baby feel comfortable too :-) Have you spoken to your midwife/doctor about your worries?

LeBFG Fri 04-Jan-13 08:45:30

I occasionally mutter under my breath "will you stop kicking me in the fanjo you little bugger" or other words of endearment

Yep, that's the sort of thing I do grin. What's all this music thing about? Are people really falling for the mozart/brain thing? Really? <walks off thread scratching head>

Twattybollocks Fri 04-Jan-13 09:12:15

The music thing does work though, I have a bedtime song I sang to ds1, it always makes him fall asleep, even now at 8yo. When his baby sister arrived when he was 2 the first time i sang it to her in the hospital she immediately focused on me and watched me while I sang, she obviously recognised it!

IndridCold Fri 04-Jan-13 11:08:35

When I was pregnant DH and I bumped into one of his old teachers in town. She was part Romany and she said that every night I should stroke the bump and say 'You are going to be a good baby and you are going to sleep every night'.

We did this several times, more as a joke than seriously, but all I can say is that DS was very good and was always a good sleeper!

Other than that there wasn't much in the way of conversation smile.

ep1977 Fri 04-Jan-13 12:06:26

my dd is 3 now and i loved talking to my bump.. and singing to it all the time!!

PeshwariNaan Fri 04-Jan-13 13:22:09

I don't. I think it's a bit weird. Sometimes I'll put music on and sing along for her, or DH will chat to her a bit. But we've had a stillbirth in the immediate family and won't really believe she's a baby per se until she's out and healthy. It's a terrible attitude but this is just how we feel about it.

PeshwariNaan Fri 04-Jan-13 13:26:05

(And yes, for obvious reasons I do believe a bump is different than a baby.)

scissy Fri 04-Jan-13 13:44:40

I'm currently 36 wks with DC1 and the only "chatting" I've done to bump is gentle 'encouragement' to turn around so I don't have a back-back labour!

MarriedToSonOfAPreacherMan Fri 04-Jan-13 17:19:25

I didn't talk to mine much. She got a lot of music because I did a lot of singing and listening to music anyway; I didn't do it especially for her. Now she's out, she gets more talk because I just chat to her about whatever's going on, but less music (though I do sing to her sometimes) because I've had to give up choir for the moment. sad People say her babbling sounds musical, but who knows whether that's from exposure to music or just the genes?

Summersbee Sat 05-Jan-13 12:51:22

When my second daughter was born, two 1/2 years after the first, she was always soothed straight away if we sang 'Hickory Dickory Dock' to her. I am still convinced that this was because she knew the song already from listening to it in the womb when my older daughter was singing it all the time! Singing and talking with little ones as they grow up is so worthwhile. Why not try sounds in other languages as early as possible too - have a look at 'counting to 10 in French with monkey online if you want some ideas - there's also counting to 10 in Spanish with monkey.

SnowyGrey Sat 05-Jan-13 18:07:17

Only to my first bump

By the second bump, there were a million other things to do than chat to a bump smile

Same with lots of other things have gone by the wayside with no. 2, like filling in baby books, doing baby massage at bathtime, leisurely feeds...

Summersbee Sat 05-Jan-13 18:17:55

Ah but I'm sure you were chatting to the end result of the first bump and the second bump was listening ..!

SnowyGrey Sat 05-Jan-13 19:07:42

Good point well made Summersbee! Makes me feel a bit better that I didn't chat directly to bump 2!

Mawgatron Sat 05-Jan-13 19:34:10

no bump chatter here either I'm afraid. I am a bit of a gobshite normally though, so mini me is probably sick of the sound of my voice already. As well as my two extremely vocal cats. I swear baby will be lulled to sleep by the dulcit tones of miaows and purring...

Blue81 Sat 05-Jan-13 22:37:30

Hi, I am hearing impaired and its presumed to be genetic but tbh I don't think the docs really know. Try not to worry too much as unless there are a number of people in his family that are deaf, chances are your DH has a recessive gene and it wont be passed on.
Also if worst comes to the worst, there are lots of advances in treatments for deafness and your child can still live a full life.

I do know how worrying it is though, when my DS1 failed his newborn hearing test (due to gunk in his ear, he isn't deaf) my heart nearly stopped. I felt so sad that I had passed it on, luckily I hadn't but it was an awful feeling.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your bump then don't. I don't think bump will care. I think that playing music or talking to the baby is actually more for the mothers benefit and indirectly the baby's as if you are calm and happy listening to music or relaxing and stroking your bump and nattering away then you are releasing happy hormones and baby obviously benefits too. So I really wouldn't worry about talking directly to your baby, just relax and enjoy music and baby will be happy regardless of whether s/he can hear it.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sat 05-Jan-13 22:55:34

I talk to inanimate objects all the time - so talking to a 'bump'... I don't think I'd be able not to, if you paid me grin

I don't think it's nice to say either 'you have to' or 'it's stupid to' - both are very judgemental and unnecessary surely?!

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