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When did you tell the father that you were pregnant?

(40 Posts)
FoofFighter Sun 09-Dec-12 17:44:36

I found out I am pregnant again this morning. We lost a baby earlier this year, missed miscarriage, I'm scared but also thinking should I not tell OH just yet, let him have another couple of weeks of blissful ignorance and enjoy Xmas without stressing about another mc? No point in us both worrying?

Or is it hugely wrong to not tell the father right away?

What did you do in your pregnancies, and what would you do in my case?

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 09-Dec-12 17:54:25

In my case he knew before me! Told me to take a test as he thought I was.
I think you should share the news with him, please enjoy it together and feel positive without stress. Congratulations

HazleNutt Sun 09-Dec-12 18:11:57

I told him immediately. I would tell him - just because you had one miscarriage, it does not mean you are more likely to have another, I had one immediately before my current pregnancy as well. Surely he would be happy to hear the news?

meditrina Sun 09-Dec-12 18:14:57

I would tell him. I really hope you do not miscarry, but if you do he'll want to help you.

Shybairns Sun 09-Dec-12 18:18:28

Why on earth should you have to cope alone? I think this is one of those things that you should go through together.

Immediately. I'd tell him. I suspect he'd rather be able to support you if the worst happened, rather than you dealing with it alone.

CatchingMockingbirds Sun 09-Dec-12 18:23:38

We fell pregnant 2 weeks after a mc. I thought about not telling him until later but then thought that of anything happened I'd definitely need his support so told him 3 minutes after finding out! I'm glad I did as he listened to every worry I had and has been great. We're 4 months now smile

TwitchyTail Sun 09-Dec-12 20:40:28

Yelled it out of the bathroom the very second the result came up positive.

I don't think there's a right or wrong about it, but as far as I was concerned, pregnancy involves both of you and you face the good and bad together.

Monthlyfestivities Sun 09-Dec-12 20:44:36

Tell him immediately. You've decided to make a baby together, and will need each other for support. I think on the other side he'd feel hurt that you didn't tell him.
Go tell him now and congratulations!

noisytoys Sun 09-Dec-12 21:08:22

I'd tell him. I concieved DD2 2 weeks after a miscarriage. She is 2 and half now grin

Weissdorn Sun 09-Dec-12 21:22:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingfoxy Sun 09-Dec-12 21:41:27

I think I managed about 5 days after I found out, basically delayed telling him for the same reasons as OP

NatashaBee Sun 09-Dec-12 22:14:34

DH made me take a test. I was adamant I wasn't pregnant as I was told I couldn't have kids.

Tell your partner, he will want to support you whichever way things turn out, and would probably be hurt you kept it secret.

AmandaCooper Sun 09-Dec-12 22:22:01

Goodness me tell him! Imagine how he'd feel about you going through it all on your own, particularly over Christmas. I'm sure he would want to share the news and be there to support you. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

nannyl Sun 09-Dec-12 22:40:06

I told my OH within seconds of seeing 2 lines

always told him about every -ve test ive ever taken too

MyLittleAprilSunshine Sun 09-Dec-12 23:08:41

5 minutes afte3r I had the positive. smile

TheRedQueen Sun 09-Dec-12 23:24:39

About three days after I had a positive test. We had been trying for years and years (and had lots of fertility treatment) and I wanted it confirmed by blood tests before I got his hopes up.

StuckOnTopOfTheChristmasTree Mon 10-Dec-12 06:16:52

I'd also tell straightway as we're a team that deals with everything together - the good and the bad

Twinklestarstwinklestars Mon 10-Dec-12 06:38:58

With dc1 it was a couple of weeks because I was shocked and we weren't getting on well at the time.

Dc2 straight away.

Dc3 I sent him a pic of the text which he showed to his workmates as he didn't know what it was!

SpanielFace Mon 10-Dec-12 06:44:47

Straight away, but he'd guessed already!

You will need his support if something happens - I would tell him

OComeAllYeFaithBaby Mon 10-Dec-12 09:40:48

We'd been TTC for a long time and were having a really tough time. 5 days before I got the BFP we agreed to stop TTC after I got my period hmm. I tested when I got home form work (twice after I got two lines on the first one!). I waited for about half an hour after he got home, took a deep breath and showed him the tests. I had no idea who he'd react after everything we'd said but he was really happy smile

The longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell him. I'm sure he'll notice anyway. You can't face this on your own until after Christmas! Just tell him. You need his support - you're in it together.

LittlemissChristmas Mon 10-Dec-12 09:51:33

I have had 3 mc's previously. We got pregnant this time while waiting for our appt to come through for recurrent mc clinic so not actively ttc.
I was terrified as knew I was preg as AF had not arrived. Did a test and DH was really happy, said it was meant to happen and really supportive.
I really needed him to know so he could understand why I was so scared and support me. Now 13 weeks and still scared but don't think that ever goes. Tell him!

AlphaBeta82 Mon 10-Dec-12 09:55:38

I told DH straight away every time and have had multiple MCs. If this doesn't go to plan you will need him there, if it does he deserves to share in the excitement as much as you. It is never easy after a MC but just remember you are in it together. x

SeeYouSoon Mon 10-Dec-12 10:31:48

He was in the bathroom with me when I did the test. Tell him, my dh would be so upset if he thought I felt I had to go through that alone.

SparklySanta Mon 10-Dec-12 11:04:48

The first very faint positive I showed DH straight away, waved the stick in his face, but he couldnt see it so I thought I was imagining it. AF didnt arrive the next day, so I took a test but we were staying at my friends house, so I waited for the test to develop hiding in the bathroom, then I had this amazing secret that I wasnt able to tell DH until we went to bed that evening, so maybe 6 hours after I'd got absolute confirmation.

I wouldnt keep it from him, I think he might be more upset by not knowing. and this would be an amazing boost over christmas! congratulations

weeblueberry Mon 10-Dec-12 12:17:55

I had to wait the (excruciating) 25 minutes before he got home from work. I'd only done the test because the pharmacist asked if I was pregnant and I sort of laughed at her and told her no. But it put the seed of doubt in my mind. Then when I got home I did test, assuming it would be negative. But man...it was fairly conclusive. As were the 5 tests I did afterwards (and the one I made DP pee on to make sure the batch wasn't faulty...blush)

I can't imagine how he'd have felt if he'd thought I had gone through anything like that alone. You're a team. What happens to you with a pregnancy happens to both of you. Please do involve him. x

LittleBairn Mon 10-Dec-12 12:20:08

I waved a damp pee stick at him while he was trying to quickly scoff a take away before the plumber turned up.

Told my DH the day I found out. I took the test at work and told him that evening

wee grin at making DP pee on one that's brilliant!

ghoulelocks Mon 10-Dec-12 12:21:22

I was crying like a loon and sobbing my heart out so he wanted to know why... blush

I have since dealt with these emotions and and looking forward to another one. It was just very unexpected, unplanned and not what I thought I'd be doing having just secured a fancy job and tight finances on a new house.

FoofFighter Mon 10-Dec-12 12:38:02

Thanks all for your replies and congratulations, we talked last night smile I'm glad a couple of people here knew where I was coming from, maybe unless you have the previous history then it's harder to understand. Was starting to feel like I was being very mean when it's all about loving someone and not wanting them to be hurt.

Fingers crossed everything will be ok smile

Sheldonella Mon 10-Dec-12 15:18:59

Foof Just wanted to say congratulations smile I remember you from a ttc after mc thread earlier this year. So happy for you smile

FoofFighter Mon 10-Dec-12 17:04:09

thank you smile

wilderumpus Mon 10-Dec-12 18:36:32

congrats foof! we are all over on the antenatal board where we have a 'grads of the wine and shagging after mc' thread smile it would be ace if you came and joined us! Understand if you want to be private too tho.

glad you told your DH, early pg is no joke even if you don't mc. And FWIW I mc'ed three times in the end before making this one, and told DH we were pg each time. We looked after each other. Takes two eh?!

good luck!

RileyTheLittleMonster Mon 10-Dec-12 18:41:37

So sorry to hear about your lose, hand holding if needed!
I've lost 2 so far this year 23 and 6 weeks and pregnant again possibly miscarrying now.. All time i found out i told him for support and if anything happened we can go through it together. All 3 times i found out i stood in the bathroom crying with the pregnancy test in my hand, had to shout him in haha! Remember every pregnancy is different smile

RileyTheLittleMonster Mon 10-Dec-12 18:42:12

Oh and Congratulations grin

Mylittlepuds Mon 10-Dec-12 18:43:36

Congratulations! Immediately.

ZhenThereWereTwo Mon 10-Dec-12 18:45:51

Before I even took the test, and both times it was positive and I showed him straight away.

Better to share, then he will be able to support you.


FoofFighter Mon 10-Dec-12 19:36:44

oh goody wilde you too?!! [prances]

BraveLilBear Tue 11-Dec-12 14:44:21

Congratulations smile

First time, I waited a couple of hours and painted a rock I'd picked up on holiday (where we conceived) and wrote Baby (our surnames) and Made in Greece on the back.

I gave it to him and he didn't get it. At all. Sadly lost that one just over a week later.

But second time round, within 30 seconds of peeing. He was yelling goodbye and I shouted down 'hang on a minute' then staggered out of the bathroom, shaking, saying 'I'm pregnant again'. We had conceived three weeks after mc.

We established that we needed to be better at sharing our feelings after the previous experience - and he's been a total rock so far. Glad you were able to tell him.

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