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Please help pretty sure I am having miscarriage....

(42 Posts)
woose Sat 08-Dec-12 19:39:46

I really need some advice. According to my dates I should be 7 weeks pg on Tuesday. Then on Thursday just gone, I had a very small amount of blood hardly worth worrying about really, but I did. I phoned the midwife and she said come in tomorrow morning for an early scan. So yesterday I went and they said the sac was 4 weeks in size. Immediately I knew it must mean everything has stopped growing. I am certain amount my dates. My first day of last period was 24th October and we only DTD once in that month on 3rd November so must have conceived then. So I should definitely be nearly 7 weeks. Therefore I am expecting to mc at any point, however, nothing is happening. I have another scan on Friday, so se how things are going. Does anyone know how long it will be before I will start mc? What will happen if I don't. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Is there any chance it could all be okay, is it silly for me to have any hope?

sad sad

RoxyLady Sat 08-Dec-12 19:42:39

It could be days or weeks. I have miscarried 3 times this year. One straight away at 4 weeks. Two stopped growing at 8 but i didnt miscarry until i was 11 weeks.i am so sorry. I know how you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you xx

RoxyLady Sat 08-Dec-12 19:43:17

I hope a change comes on friday. Please let us know

sugarandspite Sat 08-Dec-12 19:52:05

Hi Woose,

I had a very similar experience to you a couple of months ago. I'm so sorry, it's such a shit thing to happen to anyone.

I had a scan because of bleeding at 10weeks. It showed the sac had stopped growing at 7 weeks and in my case, the embryo never developed, just the sac - this is called a blighted ovum / anembryonic miscarriage and is v common in early miscarriages. It's just down to bad luck and your odds of it happenning again are no worse than any other pregnancy.

They like to leave you for a week and then scan again just to make absolutely sure that the sac and pregnancy aren't growing and viable. In my case, I started bleeding more heavily two days after my first scan and it took about 6 days to pass the sac and complete the miscarriage.

For some people it can happen much quicker and some will by miscarry naturally. If this is the case, when you have your next scan the hospital will discuss with you whether you would prefer a medically managed miscarriage (take some pills, probably in the hospital, takes a day or two I think to complete) or a surgically managed mc (under local anaesthetic, v quick procedure to remove everything, home the same day).

Depending upon your circumstances they may leave the choice up to you. Personally, if I had to go down this route I had decided to have medical management as its less invasive and there is some evidence suggesting any surgery on a recently pregnant uterus may have a risk of impacting future fertility (very rare though).

Will post more in a sec x

FoofFighter Sat 08-Dec-12 19:55:55

sad so sorry for you. If you are absoultely 100% certain on those dates then I'm afraid it looks like a missed miscarriage.

I had this happen earlier this year, should have been 9 weeks, baby was 6 weeks and no heartbeat.

The hospitals have strict guidelines, they have to scan at least twice a week apart before they can confirm, even if you know damn well what it means and dates don't add up etc. I found it very hurtful to be sent away with false hope, very cruel.

My mc started the day after but others on my due date thread in the same situation - well one of them had to wait almost 3 weeks for it to start naturally.

Keep posting, there's a miscarriage board on here too and the ladies on there are totally fantastic and there's always someone about no matter of the time of day or night, they literally held my hand while I was actually miscarrying and I'll never forget their support.

thanks for you and your family, it's utterly shit sad

sugarandspite Sat 08-Dec-12 20:01:19

It's really worth stocking up on proper maternity pads and plenty of painkillers and an iron supplement in case you do move on to miscarry naturally.
Personally, I took the week of work and I'm v glad I did - I was in too much discomfort to be any use and I just wanted to curl up in bed and grieve. I think this really helped me in the long term get my head around it to.

If your bleeding gets heavy or very painful, do go to the early preg unit / a&e. I had to go and they were so lovely and gave me tons of good drugs and reassurance. I wished I had gone in earlier tbh.

Also check out the pregnancy loss topic on here. There are some very good threads talking about what to expect physically and also a lot of emotional support.
Remember your hormones will have to do some huge fluctuations and so you'll be very emotional from that as well as your loss - I was just furious with the world for days.

And finally, you can start ttc again whenever you are ready. Theres often a big fertility spike too after a mc which can be helpful! But do wait until you feel emotionally ready - for me it took about 6 weeks to have a period and from that point I felt much more like 'me'.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's horrible and you will have to be brave so please make sure you have plenty of support from people that love you and be kind to yourself too.

Hugs x

Oh poor you, it's really horrible. This happened to me recently, I was having bleeding (lots more than you) went for a scan, tinny 2mm sac seen, no yolk sac visible. Bloods showed my hormone levels were rising so we remained hopeful. Had another scan a week or two after, sac had grown but still no yolk sac, no fetal pole. It was all a bit "wait and see", a can was scheduled for another 2 weeks time by which time I would have been 8 weeks so we should have definitely seen a heartbeat, but it turned out to be a blighted ovum. Unfortunately the bleeding just ramped up and on bonfire night (at a fireworks display!) the mc started and we had to leave. For me it took a few days for everything to completely leave me, and then the bleeding tailed off and went after four days.

So obviously I had a natural mc and it can be a lengthy process. I think if I were you, this close to Christmas I'd be considering the medical management path so it's over and done with and you arent worrying about mc on Christmas Day. I really do feel for you, it's so crap.

woose Sat 08-Dec-12 20:23:52

Ahh thank you all for your lovely words and advice. I am feeling quite strong today actually, but the last couple of days I have been a mess.

I have had a miscarriage before but it was different because all of a sudden I lost a lot of blood and didn't have this waiting period with knowing there is something inside not growing. I think this is worse. I don't know what to do about work. I went home on Thursday when I had the small amount of bleeding and then took the next day off to go to the hospital. However, at the moment I feel fine, just very tired.

The thing I am most angry/upset about at the moment is that this pregnancy was unplanned. I secretly wanted another baby (I have 2DC already) but my DH was really against having another. Then totally out of the blue this happens. My DH was upset and said it was the worst thing that had every happened to us, so I think secretly he is very relieved this has happened. I feel angry because he is getting what he wanted, and I am left with this emotional turmoil and grief. I know now I have missed my chance to have the third child I wanted. DH will ensure that this will never happen again. I feel devastated because I will have regrets, I know I will and there is nothing I can do about it.

When I had the mc before my DH was very unsupportive, he is being a little kinder this time.

In some ways I just feel silly to think this was going to work out. I had even picked out a name I liked. I just want to cry every time I think about it sad

sad aaw, sounds like a difficult situation for you. You're going to feel hormonal and up in the air for a while so be kind to yourself. There are plenty of mc support threads on here, it does help to talk it through. x

woose Sat 08-Dec-12 20:38:06

Hi all

I just read back my message. I didn't express myself very well blush . When I said thank you for your lovely words I just meant its kind of you all to be so sympathetic. I am very sorry to hear so many people have been through so many traumatic experiences and loss. It is so hard to go through this.

I am trying to focus on my DC and thinking how lucky I am to have them. It some ways preparing for Christmas is taking my mind off things. We bought them a Christmas tree today and it was good to watch them decorating it.

I am just dreading what is to follow over the next couple of weeks.

BoyMeetsWorld Sun 09-Dec-12 16:15:49

Hi woose I'm in exactly the same situation right now.

Had a tiny bit of bleeding last Monday (literally just the once after going to toilet & wiping, no soaking through of anything etc!). Went to hospital to get checked thinking just being paranoid & they put me on drip etc for suspected ectopic. Turned out not to be, but the scan just showed sac & yolk, measuring as if 5 weeks, & no heartbeat.

They kept saying my dates could just be wrong. They didn't even say I HAD to come for another scan before 12 weeks. But like you I'm certain of my dates & iv felt for a while something wasn't right.

So now I feel like I'm just waiting. Every little twinge & I think it's beginning. I'm frantically checking each time go to the toilet, have googled what to expect to death & am driving myself insane. I think the worst thing is that tiny glimmer of hope - until they've officially declared its not viable, surely it still could be. But rationality & gut feeling tell me differently.

I'd picked a name too and was feeling so excited. I just want this to be over now & know for definite one way or another. I really can't let my work know or take time off so I'm going to have to try & keep working through this.

Huge hugs to you - I know just how you're feeling hmm

MyLittleAprilSunshine Sun 09-Dec-12 18:00:06

I am so so sorry to hear about your situation. What an awful situation to be put into and it's a shame and quite horrible your DH isn't supportive about this situation and has been unsupportive before. sad

woose Mon 10-Dec-12 10:27:03

Hi boymeetsworld
How are you doing today? Sorry I missed your post yesterday. I am sorry you are going through this too. You are right, it does sound like a similar situation to mine.

It is awful waiting isn't it! I don't think I really have any hope that it will be okay. I just want everything to be over now. Then I can try and move on. It is strange because at the moment I feel okay and I am just going about doing all the normal things with the kids but I deep down I know this horrible thing is going to happen at some point, whether it happens naturally, or if I have to go in for a D and C.

I had a bit of a chat with my DH about this last night and he is trying to be supportive, but he just doesn't feel anything at all about it.

Have you got friends and family to support you?

I have found things easier since telling my boss at work about it all, she was very lovely about it all.

Thinking of you. xx

woose Mon 10-Dec-12 10:28:48

Boy How many weeks should you be?

I really hope that when you go in next everything is okay for you. Do you still have any symptoms? When you said you thought things were not right for a while, what made you think this?

BoyMeetsWorld Mon 10-Dec-12 18:07:10

Hi woose - by my dates I should now be 7 weeks (only just). Scan said 5 sad I didn't really have many symptoms to start with which is partly why I've felt things weren't right (the rest was pure gut feeling). But I did have v sore boobs....I'm pretty sure they've now gone though I'm constantly frantically prodding them & some days I convince myself they still seem pregnant, some days I don't. They def feel 'deflated' now. All I've now got is cramps and massive paranoia!!! DH cares & is a living guy in general - but just doesn't 'get' it. He's obv upset he may not be having a baby, but not about how I'm feeling emotionally. He even got angry because I said I didn't know if I could go through this again to try again. We've not told other people...I don't know why but I find it humiliating, stupid really. Good luck to you too - I guess it's not over until it's over. :s

woose Mon 10-Dec-12 18:32:53

I can totally understand why you have not told anyone. I really wish I had not told my parents. I feel a bit guilty like I should have protected them from it. I did also tell a few friends, I think in the beginning I was in denial and I think I thought saying the words would make it real. Now I just feel that they will think I am making a big deal and fuss over things, so again, in hindsight I wish I had kept things to myself. It is so hard though.

Its odd though because when I last had a mc I told people early, and with my two children I didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, didn't tell my work until 20 weeks! So I really feel like I jinxed it! I know that is silly, and it is all just natures way, but even so, I still feel bad

My symptoms have gone. I was feeling a little sick, and I had this metalic taste in my mouth and I also had sore boobs, but all that has gone, and again when I last miscarried I didn't really have symptoms.

When are you next seeing someone, a dr or a scan or something? Will you still go and see mw? I was due to see her on 19th Dec, but I guess I will have to cancel now.

At the moment, I just feel like I am plodding along through each day, going through the motions and then when I go to bed I cry and cry. I don't have any physical pains now though so its all very strange.

Keep me posted. Big hugs xxx
Is this your first pg?

BoyMeetsWorld Mon 10-Dec-12 20:23:36

It's 'nice' to have someone else in the same situation (obviously its not - it's horrific for both of us & I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's good to talk to someone who understands).

This is my 2nd - got a little DS who's 3. This is making me even more grateful than ever to have him...I could just cuddle him forever at the moment & not let go. Doing things for him, & work, keeping myself busy ate what's stopping me going completely crazy.

My next scan's meant to be on the 19th but iv got a niggling feeling that I won't make it to then. If I do I'm scared that I'll be clinging to that bit of hope & then it'll be shattered. It must be a really hard job being a sonographer I think!!!

I made DH swear not to tell his family - they're all very 'involved' & would fuss. Or maybe even think iv failed their golden boy in giving him kids (he's not my DS's dad). Which would be worse.

Are you getting scanned again? Have you had any more bleeding or cramps etc? X

woose Tue 11-Dec-12 10:40:03

You are right, it helps to talk to someone who understands. Gosh the 19th is a long time to wait for a scan.

I know what you mean about feeling more grateful about the little ones you have got. It is hard to be miserable around them so you just get on with things.

I have my scan on Friday first thing. I can't see anything else happening TBH. No more bleeding (there wasn't really much in the first place), no pains or anything. I just feel very very tired.

Its odd because I keep thinking, what if I had just ignored the blood, not gone to the EPU, I wouldn't know about the situation and I would have been happily thinking everything was ok. I would have told loads of people and have gone to 12 week scan, and been devastated. I know people this has happened to and it must be awful. I am glad I know now, so when I go on Friday and they give me bad news I am prepared. HopefullyI wont be such a mess as I was last week.

I understand why you have not told your in laws. I have not told mine either. They have never known about the other mc either. I think they would just fuss so much. Also, they just don't seem to live in the real world IYKWIM. I don't want to spoil that for them. Silly isn't it!

I am sure your relatives wouldn't think you had failed. I think they would just be sad for you both. Also, they may feel they want to do something to make it all better, which of course they can't really, and so sometimes this can come across in trying to interfere etc.

I have got my son's christmas play tomorrow, so I am off work. I know that is going to be lovely but also I am sure it will be emotional.

Take care xxx

Christelle2207 Tue 11-Dec-12 10:55:36

woose keep strong but was thinking about your dates. so you dtd on the 3rd nov but you could have conceived up to five or so days later - also ovulating the day you dtd would be very very early in the cycle and unlikely. so lets say conception was the 8th nov, that would mean by 7th december the sac would be "four weeks in size" though you would be 6-7 weeks pg. so unless you bleed more, I reckon it looks ok. does that make sense?

Christelle2207 Tue 11-Dec-12 11:12:54

woose keep strong but was thinking about your dates. so you dtd on the 3rd nov but you could have conceived up to five or so days later - also ovulating the day you dtd would be very very early in the cycle and unlikely. so lets say conception was the 8th nov, that would mean by 7th december the sac would be "four weeks in size" though you would be 6-7 weeks pg. so unless you bleed more, I reckon it looks ok. does that make sense?

BoyMeetsWorld Tue 11-Dec-12 12:38:30

Oh woose fingers crossed for you that christelle's right...that would be amazing!

What about me do you think christelle? Is there any chance? I don't even know the conception date (we DTD pretty much constantly that month to TTC) but I do know for def the 1st day of last period was 20th Oct. I'm always 100% regular with a 29 day cycle. All online calendars & OB made me 7 weeks+3 but scan last Tuesday (4th) said 5weeks at most :s

Christelle2207 Tue 11-Dec-12 13:28:20

boy if you dtd lots there is a chance you ovulated (much) later than you think so I am hoping for good news for you too

Snowflakepie Tue 11-Dec-12 13:30:10

I don't want to give false hope Boy but its possible. Because there are 2 weeks added on when you put dates into the calendars online, effectively you become 2 weeks pregnant the minute you conceive. But I don't know how they measure things with early scans, whether that is taken into account or not.

My heart aches for you both, I just had my 12 weeks scan last week and all was well, thank god, but there was a young girl there who was all excited and smiley and then came out just sobbing, it was heartbreaking. So being prepared is perhaps a good thing, horrible as it all is right now. Hoping you can get some answers before Christmas, I hug my DD so tight every time I hear about this awful situation too x

Just wanted to say that I am keeping ym fingers firmly crossed for you both woose and boy. I hope that whatever happens you have lots of support. *Woose" enjoy - your son's play tomorrow. I hope that you can enjoy it thanks

foerever Wed 12-Dec-12 02:39:58

While I read your messages, tears are in my eyes. I gone through all these. I had 7 miscarriages in the past 10 years and no successful pregnancy till now. I was diagnosed with uterine synaechia 10 years ago. I consulted few doctors and most said this is not a big problem. I should have treated the problem 10 years ago. There wasn't much info about this 10 years back. Recently I read that this could be the problem causing miscarriages. Now I am 41 and my husband has given up and does not want any treatment. So, I just leave it to God. Anyone has successful pregnancy with uterine synaechia?

woose Wed 12-Dec-12 09:40:38

Forever I am so sorry that you had had such difficulties. What would the treatment involve for you? It is sad that your DH has given up, but I understand that it must have been so traumatic for you both. 41 is not too late. I know people who have had wonderful healthy pg and birth who have been in their early forties, even 45/46.

Christelle Thank you for thinking of me, but today I have started bleeding more and I have a fair amount of pain, so sad sad sad

boy Am keeping my fingers crossed for you too!

I just don't want to be on my own today. I want to phone my mum, but I just keep thinking she thinks I am pestering her.

My DH told me that is friend and his close work colleague and his wife are expecting their second and just announced it. I just started crying and had to go to bed. Why did he tell me now!

xxxxx

RoxyLady Wed 12-Dec-12 13:10:30

Thinking of you. Please let us know ur ok

RoxyLady Wed 12-Dec-12 13:11:50

My hubby did that but it was onky because he was so upset. Remember he is experiencing pain too in his heart.

woose Wed 12-Dec-12 16:24:43

Roxy I really don't know what my DH is thinking or feeling, it is very confusing. This pg was unplanned. I was very shocked and a bit in denial about it. DH has always said he really didn't want another DC. When I finally told him (after a week of worrying!) that I was pg he was okay about it, but then a few days later we had a big row about it and he said that it was the worst thing that had every happened to us. We didn't really say much more about it after that. We have so much other stress going on in our lives, we sort of focused on that instead. I know he is relieved because this was not something that he wanted. I am not really talking too much about how I feel to him because I don't want him to say anything hurtful. I would rather not know. As a couple we are not getting on brilliantly at the moment, so in that sense this pg was not good timing even if everything had worked out.

When I had my first mc about 5 years ago he was very unsupportive, he just did not 'get' it. He could not understand at all why I was so sad. So I just find it all very confusing and upsetting.

I will let you know how I go. I am going to try and go to work tomorrow, then Friday I have my next appointment. I am expecting by then that the mc will be well under way

BoyMeetsWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 19:11:07

Just checking in to say good luck for tomorrow woose il be thinking of you. At my end, symptoms long gone, no longer feel pregnant in the slightest & increasingly bad cramps in uterus area - but no bleeding. Hope against all odds turns out ok for you x

woose Thu 13-Dec-12 21:52:47

Boy I was wondering how you were doing.

Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you are okay. You never know everything may be okay for you. Just stay strong. It sounds like you are a really strong person. It must be scary now your symptoms have gone. But I am hoping, for you and I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Unfortunately, its all over for me sad I have been bleeding a lot with cramps and all sorts of horribleness. I feel awful! I just want it over now.

I will go for another scan tomorrow, and I expect it will have all gone from my uterus by then. Really really sad. At the moment, I just can't imagine being happy again. Its been such a long time, so anxious for weeks and now this.

Please let me know how things go for you. It has been really helpful talking to you and everyone else. Take care, and look after yourself xxxx

BoyMeetsWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:29

Oh woose I'm so sorry hmm how long after the first initial bleed is this? I've still had no more bleeding since the one instance 9 days ago.

But I'm waiting for it imminently - the kiss of death was doing a clear blue digital today. 2 weeks ago it said 5+. Now it says 3+.

Like you I just want it to be over now. I'm sad, angry and scared about the impact on work & my fertility for the future.

Huge hugs, that's all that can be said. Xx

Christelle2207 Fri 14-Dec-12 08:15:11

So sorry for you both x

BoyMeetsWorld Fri 14-Dec-12 16:00:30

woose? Are you ok...what happened at your scan? Xx

FoofFighter Fri 14-Dec-12 18:46:08

Really sorry for both of you, be gentle with yourselves xx

woose Sat 15-Dec-12 19:56:47

Hi there

Boy sorry to hear about the digital test. It certainly does not look like a good sign, but hang in there. When are you due to go in for the scan?

Friday was how I thought it would be really. I had the scan which showed that the pregnancy was not viable. A lot of it had already come out but not the sac yet, she said it was really low down in the uterus, so it wouldn't be long before it came out. Then the mw said I could either have a D and C or wait. I decided to wait and let nature do its thing because I was going through it already really, and I am scared of having a general anaesthetic.

Anyway, today everything came out, it was absolutely horrible. I really don't remember it being that grim before. I am so glad that it is over.

I do feel a lot better now. I feel ready to move on. I have had an awful week non stop crying and anxiousness and pain. Now I feel okay. I am going to try and get back to normal. I am focusing on the kids and Christmas.

I still feel really sad that I won't ever get another chance to have a baby. Not unless DH has a massive change of heart, which I know won't happen, especially after the events of the last few weeks.

I just feel tired, old, and a bit of a failure at the moment, hopefully that will pass.

Thank you foof Christelle boy and roxy for being so kind thanks thanks thanks thanks

PunkyPod Sat 15-Dec-12 20:56:01

So sorry to read this woose. I hope the pain eases and as you say you can look forward to christmas and your family. Thinking of you x

woose Mon 17-Dec-12 17:01:36

Thank you PunkyPod, feeling okay today, the bleeding is a lot less now, I am definitely over the worst of it.

Boy How are you doing? Thinking of you xxx

BoyMeetsWorld Mon 17-Dec-12 18:21:19

Scared! Scan the day after tomorrow. I thought bleeding would increase by now but it just keeps stop-starting, so unfair that it takes so long. I'm hoping even though it's Christmas they'll be able to fit me in fast for the surgery - I don't want to wreck my DS's Christmas with this. DH still doesn't get it. Glad you're doing "ok" woose. Are you feeling ok about it (as best as you can)?x

woose Mon 17-Dec-12 21:26:24

I was also really scared like you. Its odd because however, bad things seem there is always some hope that everything will be okay at the scan. I guess its human nature to have that hope deep down, so when it does turn out to be bad news that you knew would happen, it is still a shock and very upsetting. Are you convinced that it is over? Maybe things will be okay for you. Having read quite a few threads on here some people have had a lot of bleeding in early pregnancy and gone on to have healthy babies. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Have you had any clots or anything like that?

When they explained to me about surgery they said I may have to wait for a week, so because I was passing clots and it was a lot of blood and they had also told me the sac was very low down I said I would just wait and it happened the next day.

I know what you mean about Christmas, it is such a horrible thing to be going through just before, and everyone else around is all jolly.

I don't really know how I feel at the moment. I think I feel empty. I feel sad that I will never have a baby again. I want to talk to DH but I know now is not the time. I think I am worried that things will never be the same between us again.

I am just plodding on through the days at the moment, just going from one thing to the next, trying to be brave.

One thing that I have found difficult is that people at work are asking why i was off work and I am finding it difficult to lie. I am just saying I had a tummy problem but I am never ill really and I think a lot of people are suspicious.

BoyMeetsWorld Wed 19-Dec-12 10:25:57

Hi woose it's the end for me too. I'm just v relieved (If that's the right expression) that nothing had ever developed - even the yolk had been reabsorbed - so telling myself it was never really a baby. Let's hope 2013 is more positive for us both - & focus on eating whatever we like at Christmas with lots of hugs for our LO's xx

woose Wed 19-Dec-12 19:37:27

Boy I am so so sorry that this has happened to you. How awful. I was hoping for you that everything would be okay. It is so strange that you can feel so pregnant one minute and then for things to be completely different the next.

I know what you mean about feeling relieved about it being over. It helps to have answers, its not knowing what is going on that makes you so anxious and scared.

How are you feeling now?

Do you need to go back in at all?

Are you going to TTC again?

Once again sad sad

Thank you for all your support on here, it has been a help having people to talk to who are going through the same thing.

Yes, lets eat and drink loads over Crimbo and hope that 2013 will be a lot better. xxxx

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