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SIL pregnant same time as me

(36 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Mon 19-Nov-12 07:55:26

I wondered if anyone is/has been in a similar situation?

SIL announced her pregnancy at 4 weeks, the day after I found out I was pregnant (also 4 weeks!) I didn't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks, which is by a wonderful coincidence Christmas day. SIL has her scan right before Christmas so will likely be passing round pictures etc, and then we will burst in and ruin her moment with 'look at me! I'm pregnant too!'

WWYD? Would you take her to one side and tell her privately first? I've hardly spoken to her before so no idea whether she will be excited or a bit dampened.

And it's the first grandchild on DH's side of the family so it will be a race to see who's first! grin

lookingfoxy Mon 19-Nov-12 07:58:45

This happened to me when pregnant with ds.
SIL announced she was pregnant, I did initially feel jealous she was stealing my thunder, we didn't really speak much either.
It ended up really good as we bonded over our pregnancy moans and groans and of course our kids are only a couple of months apart (now both 7) and great friends.

Namechangeforapropertythread Mon 19-Nov-12 08:02:26

We did! Mine texted to say she was 6 weeks and so I replied something along the lines of gosh so are we! We hadn't been planning to announce until 12 weeks but did do close family after that. We already had one child so let them tell grannies first.

Very sadly they lost theirs so I suspect my one's birthday will be a tough time. They did conceive again easily so we have babies in the same school year.

I never quite know whether to acknowledge their loss on my one's birthday or leave it.

Pancakeflipper Mon 19-Nov-12 08:02:53

Wait your 12 weeks and take her to one side and tell her so she can compute it in her head.

BananasAndClottedCream Mon 19-Nov-12 20:13:47

I'm due on the 20th Jan, SIL is due the 21st! She told me at as soon as she had a positive test which happened to be a day after I'd done mine though I didn't tell her until I was 12 weeks and we waited until I was 24 weeks before we told the rest of the family. Not as difficult as it sounds as we live a 6 hour drive away from them. This is the second time we've been pregnant together though the first time she was 3 months ahead of me and again, I told her before I told everyone else.
In your situation I'd probably have a quiet word before telling everyone else. I was lucky in that SIL was really happy for us and as I'd already produced the first grandchild 5 years earlier there was no competition to get there first! I guess you're not going to know how she will react until you tell her but at least she won't be put on the spot with family watching her reaction and will have had time to sort her thoughts and feelings out.

SIL fell pg ten weeks before I did, though we were ttc for three months unbeknown to them, and she announced as soon as she POSd. Obviously we weren't going to stop trying, but we didnt tell a soul till our wedding day when I was 11 weeks. Telling her before hand didnt feel right as not even our parents knew.

Tbh, I don't know how she took it. She congratulated us like everyone else and never said another word on the matter.

MmeLindor Mon 19-Nov-12 20:18:22

Depends how you get on with her. Is she likely to be cross if you announce at Xmas?

You could maybe phrase it that you have a present for her baby, but he/she will have to wait to see if he/she will get a big cousin or a little cousin.

Strawhatpirate Mon 19-Nov-12 20:37:22

I'm due on 1st of Jan, SIL is due on the 31st of december. DH and I told everyone when I was 6wks pg. SIL however kept the her pg secret until about 2wks ago, everyone is still a bit shock

Gosh she must be barely showing!!

curiousgeorgie Mon 19-Nov-12 20:48:12

My SIL and I were due a day apart and when I announced a week after she did they definitely weren't happy.

Unfortunately I miscarried but I do wish I had spoken to her before I broadly announced it to avoid the awkwardness...

Funnily enough I'm secretly pregnant again now and her suspicious refusal of wine at the weekend makes me think she is too! wink

Strawhatpirate Mon 19-Nov-12 20:50:22

We don't live near so I haven't really seen her much but everyone just assumed she was putting on weight confused

I announced I was pg, was about 5/6 weeks (first gc) a week later my DH had a call from my dbro telling him to 'tell Knitting SIL is pg too' I was a bit annoyed. Had taken us 6 years to conceive, my parents were very Christian and DB & SIL were not married ( didn't matter to me) & had no where to live.
What I don't understand is if she had found out she was pg when I was 6/7 weeks how is there a 6 week discrepancy between our due dates and our DS's (both were about a week late).
I am still cross about it now, DS is 4. But she refuses to acknowledge that something fishy was going on.
We don't always see eye to eye so this is just one more thing that riles me about her.

I dont understand ^^ how was there something fishy going on and how did your ttc-ness have anything to do with theirs? Maybe they decided between them when to start ttc and dint think to run it by you?

SkivingAgain Mon 19-Nov-12 21:08:12

Both my SILs and I were pregnant at the same time. DBs wife was due 6 weeks before me and DHs SIL a week after me. Don't think any of us had a problem with it, and grandparents were all very excited as they were all first babies.

EggsMichelle Mon 19-Nov-12 21:44:01

My SIL gave birth 3wks ago, I'm due in 3wks and my sister is due in May. Had no problems with my SIL, we didn't know each other very well, but DH told his Bro (SIL partner) as soon as we found out. Unfortunately it was my Sister who was taking a little longer to conceive who did not take my pregnancy well, but no she is pregnant she is much happier!

My SIL is pregnant at the same time as me- we announced ours first but it turns out she is 1 week ahead.
I have to confess we all just said 'how lovely, it will be great for the cousins to be so close' and have loved comparing bumps and chatting about symptoms etc.
I don't think anyone has stolen anyone's thunder, just look on it as extra special because you can share it!!!

Jakeyblueblue Tue 20-Nov-12 01:43:04

I'm a bit worried about the SIL thing for slightly different reasons.
My SIL sadly miscarried earlier in the year twice and as far as I know isn't pregnant again yet. Me and dh have been ttc number 2 and it does bother me that if we achieve it, our announcement would be just rubbing salt in the wound.
I'm assuming they wouldn't announce until quite late in the day due to the previous losses so I am just hoping all the time that she's preggers and I just don't know yet.
I did suggest to dh that we waited a bit but he said that we can't put our life on hold and I know he's right really.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 20-Nov-12 01:52:59

OOH <<evil cackle>>
Here is what I would do...
Keep schtum. Dont tell a soul. Get your own scan in before christmas as well, and sit there all quiet and demure on christmas day whilst she holds forth. When she is sitting there all smug at the dinner table, Id ask to see her scan photo. Take a goood look and say something like..."Weeell, its not bad, but ours is much clearer"....
Steal the buggers thunder! grin

CordeliaChase Tue 20-Nov-12 02:20:57

This happened to us too! SIL told us she was pregnant then a few weeks late I realised we were having a baby too. It was very early days for us and she had told everyone at her 12 week scan. There's 3 months between our DS and our beautiful niece/goddaughter. We went out for breakfast with her to tell her soon after we found out. We were a little worried about stealing her thunder but like the lovely person she is she was as excited as we were (if not more!). I blame my MIL, the previous Christmas she had begged me to give her a grandchild. She thought her DD (my SIL) would never have kids. So she ended up with two in one year grin it definitely brought me and SIL closer together. I used to go round there to help her out, watch her DD while she caught up or do her washing up etc for her. Then we went out most days to get some exercise and fresh air with our newborns. I got on with her before then, but mostly in a social (drinking!) environment. We definitely got to know each other better, and I love her more for it. smile

surfingbabies Wed 21-Nov-12 10:07:52

Do what you want, if she's a nice person she'll be happy for you! It's a wonderful time for you both but your doing the right thing waiting till your 12 weeks.......you can't help that she didn't! Enjoy every minute of it and tell who you want in the order you want exactly when you want smile
She's had her excitement of telling everyone so by the time your 12 weeks her news will be olds news anyway grin
Good luck x

LadyMargolotta Wed 21-Nov-12 10:11:21

Tell everyone just before Christmas. There is no need for a big announcement.

Chubfuddler Wed 21-Nov-12 10:16:40

Some of you are really strange. Pregnancies happen when they happen, you lot would have kittens at my family. We announced (long standing engagement) that we were marrying in the August, brother and SIL said "how lovely we've just booked for June". No one, inclyding me, batted an eyelid. Fast forward six years, we phone pil to announce I'm six weeks pregnant, next day bil and SIL announce they are four weeks. Again, no one other than thrilled.

I had no idea you were expected to time your life changing plans around other people's until I found MN.

ArtexMonkey Wed 21-Nov-12 10:21:02

What LadyMrgolotta said. This is yet another of those things I had no idea people cared about before I found MN. 'Stealing people's thunder', wtf?

As for knittingnovice and her "something fishy" and still being pissed off four years later, I am lost for words tbh.

LadyMargolotta Wed 21-Nov-12 10:25:44

I just don't get the big deal about making a huge announcement. We just visited people personally and told them.

I think big announcements can be very upsetting to people who are struggling to conceive or have had miscarriages.

I remember visiting a friend's house, loads of other people were there, we were all given a glass of champagne and the announcement was made. I had miscarried barely a month beforehand, and as much as I wanted to be pleased for the couple, it was very hard to hold in my own emotions. I hid in the bathroom crying.

musicalendorphins Wed 21-Nov-12 10:52:53

Christmas Day arrives. You and sil both arrange to hand out some presents-baby T- shirts with words like "Worlds Best Grandma", "Worlds Best Uncle" ect., according to the persons relationship to everyone there.
Everyone is confused...Who is pregnant?" they ask excitedly.
Meanwhile, you and sil have sidled up beside each other. Probably giggling your heads off.
Then, with a flourish, at the same time, you both reveal Baby Bump t shirts underneath your clothing, with radiant smiles and say "We are!"
<drama queen emoticon>

Congratulations btw.thanks
And if you do anything remotely like my scenario, please post about it!

Waspie Wed 21-Nov-12 11:05:36

My baby was due a few weeks before my sister's baby. It was great, I think it brought us closer, particularly after the boys were born because we were both on maternity leave and could spend lots of time together. Our boys are just 5 and almost 5 now and they are very close friends as well as cousins, and I hope this continues.

Neither of us did "big announcements" and I don't understand all this "stealing people's thunder" nonsense either. Just tell your family and they will be thrilled. If they aren't then you have a problem you need to address...

I'm pregnant. So is my SIL. Neither of us made big fan fare announcements, and neither of us is even remotely bothered about the other stealing thunder. If you plan to make a big song and dance about your pregnancy she may well be a bit put out. Tell everyone individually when you are chatting to them before xmas, and avoid a xmas day announcement.

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 21-Nov-12 14:19:47

Me and my cousin were a month apart, we were so close and most of my happy childhood memories involve him. How lucky you all are having dc with cousins similar ages, Christmas and 40th Bday parties are always so much better as a kid when your cousins your friend.

RobinSparkles Wed 21-Nov-12 14:27:48

I was pregnant at the Same time as my SIL, although she was 5 months ahead of me.

It never even occurred to me that I might be stealing her thunder confused I was just excited to be getting a lovely new niece and I presume that she was the same. We never did a big announcement though. DH just told MIL (who SIL was living with at the time) in a text shock so I imagine that MIL told her as I don't remember doing so.

SIL's DD wasn't the first GC though as first GC was our DD1.

jaggythistle Wed 21-Nov-12 14:35:43

i guess i was the SIL. with DS1 we told parents/siblings only at around 6 weeks and several weeks later DH's brother and SIL told us she was pg too. i think they told us as soon as the wee was dry on the stick. smile

we were a bit surprised, but certainly didn't feel any thunder had been stolen grin i think they might have been a bit surprised too tbh, as panic selling of small flat ensued!

there are 15 weeks between DS1 and his cousin, it's just a shame they don't see each other often to play.

Jenijena Wed 21-Nov-12 14:38:53

B&sil emailed to say they were expecting, one week ahead of us. We were wanting to keep it quiet for a little bit but couldn't not reply without saying Snap. First grandchildren in every direction. We rarely see each other, live in different parts of th country, and had our babies a week apart in May. I'm glad there's one boy and girl, and have in laws who are scrupulously fair, but I'm sure comparisons will be made in the future.

confused247 Wed 21-Nov-12 14:45:44

I am currently PG, due 4 weeks after my SIL - she announced we was PG as soon as she found out (it's her 1st). We were really concious that she might feel we were "stealing her thunder" so we didn't say anything to anyone until well after the 12 week scan, and we have been very low key about the whole thing (we already have DC). Even so, she has barely spoken to me since which makes me very sad as we were (I thought) very close before.

BarbecuedBillygoats Wed 21-Nov-12 14:47:41

Sil had her 1st dd less than two weeks after I had my 1st ds
It's been lovely and they get on now they're 9

I like my sil though and I don't care about being centre of attention etc

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Wed 21-Nov-12 14:50:26

Just enjoy the moment. There will hopefully be two babies and that's the main thing, so who cares about announcements?

MrsBungleBear Wed 21-Nov-12 14:52:24

My DSIL and me were pregnant at the same time. It was great. Also great having two cousins so close in age. DSIL was ahead of me - I don't think for a minute she was annoyed when we let everyone know that I was also pregnant.

I just phoned her up and told her I had joined her club! I did feel that we should tell her before others. I didn;t just want to announce it in front of loads of people with her there. Don't know why really, she probably wouldn;t have been bothered - I just thought it was more polite that way.

ScrambledSmegs Wed 21-Nov-12 14:55:21

How lovely! Hopefully the little cousins will be very close as well. Yes, I would tell SIL first, but I'm sure she'll just be very happy for you.

My SIL is 3 months pregnant and I'm due to have my 2nd about...oh, now! I am so excited that my DCs are going to have a little cousin who is relatively close in age to them. How great will it be at future family events?!

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