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18+4 and no heartbeat with doppler- please tell me what to do :-(

(141 Posts)
jkb Mon 05-Nov-12 23:27:24

Hi

I am 18+4 and have a doppler & have been finding the heartbeat within seconds since i was about 12 weeks. I have been having problems & so i always doppler twice a day (I have a huge clot in my womb which has caused 2 massive bleeds- last one at 16 weeks). The heart was fine this morning- now this even- despite me trying for over 1 hour- NOTHING- i am very skilled at using a doppler as was shown by a previous midwife. Could my baby have died- i cant sleep now- i dont know what to do :-(

pinkyp Mon 05-Nov-12 23:29:23

Baby is still really small at this age, they might of turned or moved, ring antenatal at your hospital if your worried.

lia66 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:30:41

go in to labour ward now

TurkeyDino Mon 05-Nov-12 23:31:13

Are you feeling movements yet? It could just be that baby has moved into an awkward position, they still have quite a bit of space at 18 weeks.

I think you might just have to call your pregnancy assessment unit, but be prepared to be told not to use a Doppler in future. They really don't like them as it leads to (usually) unfounded concerns when the baby moves and the heartbeat can't be found.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 05-Nov-12 23:31:46

Ring your midwife/hospital or whoever your contact is for out of hours at this stage of your pregnancy.

And throw the doppler in the bin - they do more harm than good IMO because they get people in a panic.

And try not to panic, your baby has probably just turned and now you can't hear anything.

OnlyWantsOne Mon 05-Nov-12 23:31:58

Yes don't be too concerned that you can't find it. Give the hospital a call - and relax. Easier said than done i know sad

pinkyp Mon 05-Nov-12 23:32:17

I didn't mean that to sound blunt! Sorry, I ment ring antenatal and explain see what they recommend esp if your worried, you wont be able to relax. Have you tried having a sugary drink, maybe walk around and try again?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 05-Nov-12 23:32:40

lia - the OP is only 18 weeks. Most labour wards will not accept women until they are past 20-24 weeks, it depends on the hospital.

jkb Mon 05-Nov-12 23:33:27

There is no service out of hours untill baby is viable at 24 weeks- when i had both my bleeds i was just told to go to a & e

lia66 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:34:31

antenatal ward then. as someone said further up, call whoever your contact on your notes is and then go in to be checked. They won't mind

lia66 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:35:16

go to a and e then, at least they have proper equipment and can hopefully put your mind at rest. Have you got children already?

jkb Mon 05-Nov-12 23:38:02

I have got 2 children already. Labour ward is only for over 24 weeks & A & E really only if bleeding (which i am not) They do NOT scan unless monday - fri in normal hours & so they can do nothing.... I guess i know there is nothing I can do till morning- but im convinced baby has died- i just feel somethings not right

lia66 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:46:41

well i hope you manage to sleep. Do you have a dh? They wouldn't need to scan, they could find the hb in a couple of minutes with a hospital grade doppler. I would be inclined to take dc's with me if it was me.

jkb Tue 06-Nov-12 00:11:11

I dont think i will sleep- I have just had another go & nothing.... this morning it was right in middle & very clear- 145 beats PM - my doppler is hospital grade- i really think the worst has happened

fraktion Tue 06-Nov-12 00:17:39

<holds jkb tight>

There's nothing you can do right now if hospital won't help sad Call your MW in the morning and try to rest but worrying isn't going to change anything and, to be honest, neither would medical intervention. At this stage it's up to nature.

Thinking of you and hoping hard.

izzywizzyisbizzy Tue 06-Nov-12 00:19:02

I think you should show up at AnE, they will have to see you if you are there.

I have heard bad things about dopplers panicing people, its why I have never gone and got one.

I hope you either get up and go or try to rest until morning.

izzywizzyisbizzy Tue 06-Nov-12 00:19:27

everything crossed for you btw.

giraffesCantLightFireworks Tue 06-Nov-12 00:21:24

fingers crossed x

exBrightonBell Tue 06-Nov-12 00:21:55

I had an experience at one of my routine mw appointments to check my blood pressure. The midwife said "I'll just check the heartbeat", and started to try and find it. 10 mins later she called in another mw, who tried to find it. Then they tried all their different dopplers. Then they called a third midwife who couldn't find it either. Then they started to ask me if my partner worked far away or could get here quickly!

They were just about to send me to the main hospital when they finally found the heartbeat! It had taken about 40 minutes, 3 midwives and about 5 different dopplers. I was about 32 weeks pregnant I think, so baby was big enough to feel moving, and of course he didn't move at all during this time. I too thought the worst, but it just goes to show how difficult it can be to pick up the heartbeat.

I don't know if this will reassure you, but I wanted to share my experience with you to let you know how these things can work out.

I did have a moment like this in my 3rd pregnancy. I went cold all over and convinced myself she'd gone sad
Luckily I had a routine mw appt that afternoon and of course she found the hb no problem and told me I had a very wriggly baby!
I never used a Doppler in my subsequent pregnancies. Bloody nightmare they are.

noblegiraffe Tue 06-Nov-12 07:31:33

My midwife said that they don't check for the heartbeat that early on in pregnancy any more because it isn't uncommon to be unable to find the heartbeat and that this causes unnecessary panic, especially as the hospital wouldn't do a scan to check.

Hope things are ok now.

lia66 Tue 06-Nov-12 07:51:55

How are you this morning op?

Brugmansia Tue 06-Nov-12 07:58:33

Just thought I'd also add that it seems very early to be checking. My MW didn't start using the doppler until my 25 week appointment and said she didn't earlier as it's too unreliable.

maxybrown Tue 06-Nov-12 07:59:33

hope things go ok for you

rogersmellyonthetelly Tue 06-Nov-12 09:41:40

I have a home doppler and most times at that stage I would put it on and hear the hb straight away. A couple of times I had a scary time when I just couldnt find it, like 30 minutes of looking, an then she would appear as if by magic, so it can happen and everything be fine. Most home dopplers have a range of about 3-5cm so if she has got snuggled up really low and towards the back it's entirely possible that she's there and fine. that said, it's Tuesday now, so really hoping you have had some reassurance x

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

*reassure yourself

Please come back and tell us that the MWs saw you and all is ok OP.

FannyFifer Tue 06-Nov-12 10:02:36

Hope all ok this morning.

weeblueberry Tue 06-Nov-12 11:21:46

Hope all is okay - was thinking about you this morning.

tamster83 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:56:45

hope all is well .

jkb Tue 06-Nov-12 14:59:08

Update:

my midwife came this morning and couldnt find heartbeat either. She sent me into hospital for a scan & the worst has happened. My baby has died. Seems it was perfect size & everything- but died sometime yesterday. I am totally devestated & so very scared as have to go in Thirsday to be induced & give birth. I feel like I am losing my mind & cant quite get my head around this.

AlphaBeta82 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:03:58

Oh JKB I am so, so sorry to hear of this.
I know no words can make this better but couldn't read this and not share how much I feel for you. xxx

nancerama Tue 06-Nov-12 15:05:11

OP I am so very sorry for your loss. There are (too) many ladies here who have been through similar things and who will be able to support you.

Be kind to yourself and your partner.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 06-Nov-12 15:07:16

Oh jkb I'm so sorry.

Take care of yourself.

firstpost Tue 06-Nov-12 15:10:11

So so, sorry for this terrible loss sad sad sad

Right now you dont have to do anything, just survive and breathe and cry and do whatever you need to to make it through the next minutes and hours.

Hope your partner is with you, holding you tight.

I will be thinking of you x

ecuse Tue 06-Nov-12 15:10:22

That's awful news, I'm so sorry to hear it.

RnB Tue 06-Nov-12 15:11:36

I am so, so sorry sad

I'm so sorry to hear this, I was hoping this thread would have a positive outcome. Be gentle on yourself & have an unmumsnetty hug x

jkb Tue 06-Nov-12 15:16:55

Thank you for all your support. Does anyone know if you can have a fetus of this age creamated?

me23 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:19:10

I'm so sorry for your loss.

plumviolet Tue 06-Nov-12 15:27:58

I'm sorry. Yes you can, talk to your doctor and they will do whatever you wish.

I found a site that helped me after my stillbirth called glowinthewoods.com.

I hope you find some peace. Your mothers instinct is very strong.

Nicky1306 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:35:12

I'm so sorry for your loss x x

izzywizzyisbizzy Tue 06-Nov-12 15:45:16

I'm so sorry.

SquealyB Tue 06-Nov-12 15:53:12

So very sorry for your loss.

weeblueberry Tue 06-Nov-12 15:58:21

Oh my darling I am so so sorry. x

So sorry OP. if you have your dp/h with you take comfort in each other.

tamster83 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:20:10

I'm soooo sorry for your loss I can't imagine what your going through will be thinking about you x

lia66 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:24:08

I am so sorry to see this update. Hugs xxxxx

fraktion Tue 06-Nov-12 16:32:41

I'm so sorry sad Thinking of you and your little angel.

Oh OP I am so so sorry for your loss, I was so hoping to see a different update sad I am thinking of you x

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Tue 06-Nov-12 16:36:45

So so sorry for your loss xx

tunise Tue 06-Nov-12 16:37:19

Oh my, so sorry that you had such awful news today. Do you have plenty of family and friends around to support you?

chezchaos Tue 06-Nov-12 16:37:26

I'm so very sorry for your loss x

OP I've asked for my earlier comment to be removed as it feels insensitive now, even though it was well meaning at the time. So sorry again for your loss xx

I'm so sad for you OP. You poor, poor thingsad

schobe Tue 06-Nov-12 16:46:50

Oh this is so dreadful, I'm so sorry.

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 16:51:04

im so sorry for your loss, i realky was hoping the outcome would be different.

jkb Tue 06-Nov-12 17:11:37

I am feeling so strange right now- like im in a dream- like this isent really happening.. i dont know how i am going to cope. I am being induced Thursday & am terrified- no idea how I am going to do it.

Dogsmom Tue 06-Nov-12 17:21:16

I hadn't read this thread until just now and am so upset for you, what an awful thing to happen. Huge hugs and sympathy, keep coming on here for support and all the best for Thursday.

plumviolet Tue 06-Nov-12 17:23:02

You will do it. They have drugs that will help you through and don't be afraid to ask if you need them.

If you can, spend some time with your baby. My family came in and everybody held my little girl and said goodbye. It helped me heal.

Jkb i wish you weren't going through this, you will find the strength.

Kelerina Tue 06-Nov-12 17:30:21

I am so sorry for your loss OP sad

Bearandcub Tue 06-Nov-12 17:32:30

I'm so very sorry for your loss

cjbk1 Tue 06-Nov-12 17:34:28

jkb iv just been crying for you and your baby I still am I know it doesn't help but I'm really really sorry x

noblegiraffe Tue 06-Nov-12 17:45:20

Oh no sad Wishing you strength to get through this.

I am so very sorry xxx I have only just found this thread and I was really hoping it was ok.
My first baby, a boy, was stillborn. It was 7 years ago but it never goes away.
Yes you can have a cremation as the service after DS' s was a baby who was 16 weeks. Be aware though that some crematoriums produce only a tiny amount of ashes or even none for a baby. There are some who will use a different method to have ashes. My DS has a tiny amount.
My thoughts are with you. The SANDS forum are very supportive and kind and helped get me through. Be kind to yourself, take lots of photographs of your baby and make sure you get footprints/handprints if possible. Do not be afraid of meeting your baby. I was so scared but you will only have this one chance. Bring a special blanket if you have one, or a tiny teddy. My own regret was not taking my own photographs as the Polaroids I have are blurry.

MollyMurphy Tue 06-Nov-12 17:55:03

So sorry honey - thinking of you

hellymelly Tue 06-Nov-12 17:57:36

Oh jkb, I'm so sorry, I was really hoping at the start of the thread that all would be fine once you were seen by a midwife. It must be the most awful shock. There is nothing comforting I can say I know, I only wish there was. sad. I am thinking of you and wishing you strength. I hope you have lots of support around you.

lunar1 Tue 06-Nov-12 17:59:42

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family at this horrible time.

whatchagonna Tue 06-Nov-12 18:19:54

So sorry. Please take care of yourself and your other DC. Surround yourself with support and love.

Petcat Tue 06-Nov-12 18:24:21

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Will be thinking of you and your family tonight xx

JaffaSnaffle Tue 06-Nov-12 19:09:56

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I found out that I had miscarried at 17 weeks last summer and it is such a hard thing to go through.

I am not sure if this is any help to you, but for me, the worst day was the one I found out. Although the induction was so very sad, the hospital treated me and my husband with so much kindness and respect, it was not as bad as I imagined.

If you have specific worries, could you call the hospital and talk to them before you go in later this week, so you know what to expect?

I am thinking of you and your family tonight. Make sure you access as much support as you need, both now and in the weeks to come. X

lotsofcheese Tue 06-Nov-12 19:16:42

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Am sure there's not words to describe what you're feeling.

There is good support from the miscarriage & pregnancy loss threads, if you feel up to taking a look.

Take care of yourself x

dontmixthecolours Tue 06-Nov-12 19:20:10

I'm very very sorry. My little boy, Christopher was born at 20 weeks exactly a year ago

I agree with the poster who said that the day you find out is worse than having the baby. I'd have that time over and over because I had my beautiful boy with me

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself

SoYo Tue 06-Nov-12 19:33:43

So sorry for your terrible loss. Please try not to be too terrified about tomorrow. The midwives who will look after you are trained in looking after everything you need and giving you one to one care. You and your DH should write a list of questions before you go in as once you're in it's so easy to forget and they will be able to take you through it all. In terms of cremation, part of the process tomorrow will be discussing your wishes for this and giving you all the contact details you need to organised things. Most hospitals have links to the SANDS charity who are great so get in contact with them if there's anything you need. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can and you get as much support as possible. x

giraffesCantLightFireworks Tue 06-Nov-12 22:43:39

thinking of you, so very sorry x

twolittlebundles Tue 06-Nov-12 23:22:52

jkb i am so sorry to read this.

Oh no sad I'm so so sorry. Was also really hoping everything would be ok. I hope you have plenty if support.
Thinking of you

I'm so sorry

I lost ds4 at 19+6 last September due to incompetant cervix. Yes you can have a cremation or burial if that is what you want.

If you have any questions you think I may be able to answer for you please ask xx

JimmysMum1988 Wed 07-Nov-12 00:17:22

My advice is don't use the dopla at all!! What if you pick up your own heartbeat instead of the babies? Always best to take a trip to anti natal and let the professionals look at you instead. After all that's what they are there for. Xxx

JimmysMum1988 Wed 07-Nov-12 00:18:51

I've just read further on in the thread. My apologies xx

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 07-Nov-12 00:26:39

so sorry jkb

VoterColonelSebastianDoyle Wed 07-Nov-12 00:31:37

so sorry jkb thinking of you and your partner. Hope everything goes ok on thursday. I will be thinking of you thanks

So, so sorry for your loss. Was desperately hoping all would be ok for you.

pebspop Wed 07-Nov-12 09:19:30

this happened to me last year. i found out at the 20 week scan.

there are some really good threads and advice on the miscarriage/pregnancy loss board.

pm me if you want to ask anything. i was terrified but it wasn't as bad as i expected.

Paradisefound Wed 07-Nov-12 09:29:13

Sending you a big hug.
Hope you feel stronger soon.
And ... Be kind to yourself.

Massive squishy hug for you jkb, I am so sorry for your loss.

Hope tomorrow is as peaceful as can be, sending you lots of strength.
I hope you've got lots of support at home/in real life. xx

lunar1 Wed 07-Nov-12 16:09:37

Hope you are doing ok, I hope you get through tomorrow as well as possible. Will be thinking of you

jkb Wed 07-Nov-12 19:17:18

Thank u all so much for all your support.
I am not good- i feel so terrible- like I cant cope. I even found myself dopplering in case they had got it wrong!!! so stupid i know- but its like i have lost my mind!
I have started bleeding about an hour ago- dark brown blood?? so am scared its going to happen before tomorrow & the baby will come while im at home- im terrified
what should i expect tomm? how long will labour last?

fraktion Wed 07-Nov-12 19:26:50

If you're bleeding signifucantly please go in straight away. It may be quick, especially if it's started naturally.

jkb Wed 07-Nov-12 19:31:43

wouldnt say its heavy at the moment & they gave me a tablet yest to soften things ready for tomorrow?

Ring the labour ward and tell them what's happening.

It can be difficult to say, all labours are different. I was quite quick and had no pain, but that was probably due to my cervix failing. Their usually pretty good and will give you what ever pain relief you want.

Just so you know sometimes the placenta doesn't come away when it's so early and they have to remove it in theatre so don't be scared if this happens. It's normal.

I don't know how you feel about seeing the baby after, if you dont want to they can take pics and footprints and save them in your notes for you. Also I've been told they can give you tablets to stop your milk coming in xx

MrsBucketxx Wed 07-Nov-12 19:42:35

sending all my love and prayers for tomorow.

jkb Wed 07-Nov-12 19:42:44

Thank you xxxx

what do I do if the baby delivers here at home?? what do I do with it? it will still be attached? do i get in the car holding it all? what do i do? does anyone know

lollipoppi Wed 07-Nov-12 19:51:17

Jkb I'm so very very sorry for your loss.

If you have started bleeding I would call your midwife sweet, sending you lots of love x

Themobstersknife Wed 07-Nov-12 19:58:12

Am so sorry to hear your news. Can't offer any advice based on experience but I would go to the hospital as soon as I thought something was happening if I were you. Take care of yourself. So sad.

JaffaSnaffle Wed 07-Nov-12 19:59:09

Please ring the hospital and talk to them about your bleeding.

I started bleeding the day before I was supposed to, and they told me to go into hospital. Nothing had happened other than the bleeding. Once I was there, they gave me the rest of the treatment a day early. They didn't want me wait at home.

Call them up. You are in my thoughts.

fraktion Wed 07-Nov-12 20:02:20

jkb if that happens call an ambulance and your community midwife. But if you can go to the hospital please do.

(This is going to sound insensitive, I don't mean it to, but if you deliver at home without anyone you may need a bucket or something - the medics may want to see the baby and/or placenta to check you've delivered everything)

I'm so sorry you're going through this sad

If that happens phone an ambulance, chances are you will have some warning so any period type pains, waters breaking phone the labour ward and they will probably tell you to go straight in.

If it does happen don't try to get to the hospital by car, just phone an ambulance

I'm so sorry, love. You will be fine tomorrow. If bleeding gets heavier or contractions start, call your midwife asap and I'm sure they will come to you or send an ambulance if you can't get there in time. Don't worry x

thisthreadwilloutme Wed 07-Nov-12 20:15:18

So so sorry for your loss.

Jollyb Wed 07-Nov-12 20:15:48

jkb I am so sorry. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

mmmmsleep Wed 07-Nov-12 20:17:49

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Wishing you all the best for the next few days and the time ahead. X

chocorocco Wed 07-Nov-12 20:50:58

So sorry jkb will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Bluestocking Wed 07-Nov-12 21:06:46

I'm so, so sorry, jkb. I'll be thinking of you tonight and tomorrow. I hope it's as peaceful as possible and that you receive plenty of loving care.

lotsofcheese Thu 08-Nov-12 07:33:59

How are you this morning, jkb? Thinking about you x

emblosion Thu 08-Nov-12 08:11:17

So very sorry for your loss jkb. Such a terrible thing for you to go through, I know there are no words to comfort you but am thinking of you x

MrsWolowitz Thu 08-Nov-12 08:18:01

I'm so sorry sad

Thinking of you today.

DizzyCow63 Thu 08-Nov-12 08:25:55

I'm so so sorry sad

Will be thinking of you today x

Dillydollydaydream Thu 08-Nov-12 09:52:13

Thinking of you x

Splinters Thu 08-Nov-12 12:08:38

Also thinking of you today and wishing you as much peace as possible, jkb.

Another one thinking of you. What an awful, awful thing to happen to someone sad

hellymelly Thu 08-Nov-12 17:52:27

I've been thinking of you today jkb, and hoping that you have had lots of support and love around you. I'm so sorry.

I've been thinking of you today as well x

chubbychipmonk Thu 08-Nov-12 20:53:17

Just read this thread and felt I had to comment and say how sorry I am for your loss and all you're going through right now. I've suffered 2 miscarriages but I imagine that isn't even close to how bad you must feel right now.
I hope all went well today & that you got to meet and hold your precious baby. You will get through this and come out the other side, even though it doesn't seem like that now.
Just be kind to yourself, take each day one at a time and do whatever feels right for you to grieve your baby.
Sending you a big hug sad xxxxx

amazingmumof6 Thu 08-Nov-12 21:22:36

I've just picked this up - I'm so sorry you have to go through this, my heart goes out to you. Loosing a child at any age is just the worst thing...

something2say Thu 08-Nov-12 22:33:00

Caught this while browsing. So very sorry jkb. Thinking of you and shed a little tear x

lunar1 Fri 09-Nov-12 17:14:54

still thinking of you.

jkb Sat 10-Nov-12 12:27:29

Thank you for all your support. I am a complete mess- i dont know hw I am going to get through this- it scares me that I will never feel anything but this again.
My beautiful little angel Matthew was born Thursday at 2pm weighing 170g & 15.5cm crown to rump. He was perfect- fully formed- even had finger nails.

Its the worst thing I have ever had to deal with & im scared i wont cope. I held him for 5 hours, i touched & kissed every little part of him & took so many pictures. Saying goodbye was hardest thing ever- I want him so bad.
I havent stopped crying for days, I am trying to stay strong for my other chidren, but I just cant....what the hell am i going to do

Yesterday I had something hanging out of me.... i went back & i have some plancenta retained! they managed to get some of the retained bits out from my cervix- but said they can see more up inside & too dangerous to do a D & C or go up in my womb as I have just given birth & my womb can be easily damanged as will be very fragile? I am on 2 strong antibiotics & they hope I will pass the bits.....but they didnt seem to know what else to do?
but what if I dont?? my husband is so worried im going to be left infertile or need a D & C which could cause my future problems with a pregnancy? Im a complete mess- physically & mentally sad

Rosa Sat 10-Nov-12 12:43:14

jkb - so very sorry for you . How ever I wanted to say that I also had a retained placenta and I was given some drops to help me contract and eliminate - however they also did a 'gentle' so they said d&C 3 days after I gave birth. Howver I am in a different country. I wish I could remember the name of teh drops I was also given them afterwards and they did work ....

fraktion Sat 10-Nov-12 12:56:35

RIP baby Matthew. I'm glad you got to see him and spend time with him.

I'm so sorry, were 14 months on from loosing Jacob. I found the time up to what should have been his due date especially bad. It was only when we got past that date that I turned a corner and things started to get easier.I found talking about him, even if it was just on here to people who had gone through similar experiances helped.

If you start a thread in bereavement there are usually lots of people around to offer support. I found it very difficult talking to friends nd family about how I was feeling.

I don't know what you should do about the retained placenta, hopefully it will come away on it's own, however I think it was extremly negligent of them to not have made sure it was intact. If it doesn't make an appointment with your consultant. They should offer you one anyway. I saw mine for my post natal so we could talk through what would happen if I decided to become pregnant in the future.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I will be thinking of you, your family and baby Matthew xx

Bluestocking Sat 10-Nov-12 13:29:55

I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm so glad you were able to give baby Matthew some motherly love, I'm sure he was beautiful in every way. Do you have people around you to take care of you and give you some love? Thinking of you. xx

jkb Sat 10-Nov-12 13:37:39

my husband is being amazing & is also so very sad.... my mother is helping out with my other children. But i just dont want to talk to my friends & sisters...i feel there is nothing to say- if I talk I just blub & I have no words to say. xxxxx

something2say Sat 10-Nov-12 13:56:49

Hello my dear, just wanted to come on to see how you were and having seen, to give you a long cuddle on my metaphorical knee. I think crying is ok for now, and that's it. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxx

Bluestocking Sat 10-Nov-12 14:35:03

So glad your husband and mother are taking good care of you and the family. You don't have to talk to anyone until you're ready, and you can cry as much as you want to. Lots of love to you and dear baby Matthew.

lunar1 Sat 10-Nov-12 14:38:33

I am sat sobbing reading your update, I can't think of any words, I am just so sorry for the loss of Matthew.

Dillydollydaydream Sat 10-Nov-12 16:57:11

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful little one, Matthew. Take care x

lotsofcheese Sat 10-Nov-12 18:05:51

Oh my darling - I'm so sorry. What a beautiful name for your little boy. Fly high, little one.

I wish I had more adequate words for you; all I can say is please take care of yourself, allow others to help & grieve for your beautiful baby boy xxxx

mosschops30 Sat 10-Nov-12 18:17:38

Im so sorry for your loss sad i dont have any words that could even hope to ease your pain

amazingmumof6 Sat 10-Nov-12 19:45:54

I'm so sorry for loosing Matthew, I've been thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.

allow yourselves to grieve however long it takes.

cry, scream if you need to. cuddle your kids and hubby

talk about it and keep talking about it

write a diary

keep whatever he wore or was wrapped in near you

remember to explain to kids you are not mad at them (my kids used to get worried, they thought they did something wrong)

in fact what helped me most was answering any questions my children had and talking to them.
even if it broke my heart the sweetest thing they said was that they missed her and wished she could be here playing with them sad

the hardest thing apart from right now will be the first "anniversary" of everything that's just happened/will be happening.
and I know you can't imagine it now, but there will be a time when you will be able to think of him without crying

I hope you find these thoughts comforting in some level

pinkyp Sat 10-Nov-12 21:39:41

So so sorry for your loss sad

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 22:52:21

I've just read this and wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. RIP baby Matthew, I'm pleased you were able to spend time with him, I feel that is really important. Thinking of you x

Iceaddict Sat 10-Nov-12 23:03:03

Really sorry for you and your family op, thinking of you sad

hellymelly Sat 10-Nov-12 23:49:00

I'm glad you were able to spend time with your beautiful baby boy. I've been thinking of you. I hope the placenta has resolved, a friend had retained placenta and did have to go back in for a d+c, but it was about a week-10 days after she had given birth.
I'm sure your friends and family wouldn't expect you to do anything other than cry right now, what else could you do? they will understand. Be kind to yourself, cry all you like, I hope you are surrounded by love.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Little Matthew sounds like he was beautiful, I'm glad you were able to spend some time with him. Thinking of you both this evening x

chubbychipmonk Fri 25-Jan-13 22:18:06

thanks So sorry for your loss. . . Don't have anything else to add other than we're all thinking of you x

rainand Fri 25-Jan-13 22:43:40

Really sorry for your loss sad

jkb Mon 04-Feb-13 19:31:59

Thank you everyone for all your kindness xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

aimingtobeaperfectionist Mon 04-Feb-13 19:41:20

How are you doing? There's always someone here if you need to talk.
thanks

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