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Wanted to be pregnant for ages but now I am, not sure I can go through with it

(14 Posts)
knickyknocks Tue 10-Jan-12 06:12:28

Me and DH have been trying for 8 months to conceive our second child, and I believe that I am pregnant by about 3 weeks! Haven't taken a test yet, but know it will be positive as I felt ((sorry TMI) the same feeling I had with our DD - it implanting at the weekend. Yesterday, I had a couple of waves of nausea and it brought back to me how awful I felt during my pregnancy with my DD. I was sick most days and had dizzy spells up until about 18 weeks.

The thought of being like that again for another 12-15 weeks has frightened me so much and made me think whether I really want to do this (to the point I rang Marie Stopes at 5am this morning for advice). I'm also anxious that I don't want my DD to see me wrecked from this pregnancy - physically and emotionally.

Has anyone else been in this position? Did anyone else feel absolutely terrified about being pregnant again - can I get past this?

MJinSparklyStockings Tue 10-Jan-12 06:35:34

Being terrified about pregnancy is a natural reaction. It will be fine 12-15 weeks is nothing in the scheme of things and at the end you will have a beautiful baby x

It's a totally natural feeling, when I was pg with ds3 the morning sickness was so bad I could hardly function. When I became pg with ds4 I spoke to alot of people on the hyperemisis thread who took anti sickness meds, which I decided I would do if it was as bad as before, luckily it wasn't and I managed without them. X

Even with what you've already felt it doesn't mean it will the same this time. My second was different in so many ways.

Ps congrats!

knickyknocks Tue 10-Jan-12 08:46:30

Thank you for all your replies. When I was getting my DD out of bed this morning, she gave me such a huge cuddle it melted my heart and I felt a little stronger mentally about the whole thing. I think you have to have a different mentality on subsequent pregnancies and I'm just going to have to find the courage from somewhere. I don't think I could go through with an abortion even at an early stage. I think it would eternally break my heart.

I think knowing I could take meds if things gets bad is helping a bit. Thank you all again. As usual, mumsnetters have been wonderful.

MJinSparklyStockings Tue 10-Jan-12 08:49:35

Shall I tell you a secret, I have gone into a mad panic with each of my three pregnancies, smile, I wouldnt be without any one of them.

Its a natural reaction, without the sickness.

heartmoonshadow Tue 10-Jan-12 12:56:33

I know what you mean - we tried for 7 years to get our first child so were going to stop at one because of the heartache, but I got broody again and persuaded my husband to try for a year and see what happened. I got pregnant within 10 days of 'trying' and I was so unprepared for it weird really as I wanted it desperately. But I am now 24 weeks and happy that I am pregnant although it is tough with a toddler in tow! Don't worry about DD all first borns have to adjust to not being the centre of attention so why not now when she should realise you are different to her and then the baby will not be such a shock.

It is highly usual to have those feelings. When we found out about DS1(Harry) in August who is our first child. I cried a lot and then laughed and then didn't know what to do.

There are days at 24weeks when I wonder if I am cut out for all this being pregnant and having a baby and then I remember at the end of the day I will have a beautiful baby at the end of it and Harry will give a little wriggle and I know it will all be okay.

xx

AlpinePony Tue 10-Jan-12 13:07:55

Totally normal. smile My first pregnancy was hideous, I had HG up until the day he was born - in fact I was still puking as they were cutting me open. This time the sickness kicked in around 5 weeks and I considered termination - however, it's been a completely different pregnancy and the sickness was gone by 9 weeks, my skin has been clear and I've felt so much better. Last time I had acne, cold sores, the sickness, I was constantly dizzy, etc., etc.

Fingers crossed for you and congratulations.

knickyknocks Tue 10-Jan-12 13:57:17

It's made me feel more normal there's those of us out there who don't feel a leap of joy when we see the pregnancy test go positive. Of course I look at my DD and think I'd like another baby, but it's a long long trek to get to where she is now and I'm fully aware of that.

Alpinepony thank you for being so honest to admit that you also thought of a termination. It must have been a tough time between 5 and 9 weeks knowing that it could be as bad as your time before. I think I need to just say to myself that every pregnancy is different and there is every chance this won't be as hideous as the first. Plus, it did go in the first pregnancy - eventually - by about the 18th week.

Have spoken to DH today and cried a good few tears (again - cried a shed load in the past 24 hours) I just have to try and be strong. I'm just scared of it breaking me - but maybe that's all those hormones racing around me at the moment aswell. It's no wonder men don't do the pregnancy thing is it?? I think the world really may have come to an end......!!

I've started to look at all the photos and videos of our little one and it does make me yearn for a little brother or sister for her. I think I'll just keep doing that if I'm feeling down.

Something I have never admitted to anyone before in rl was I thought about termination with ds3, we had been ttc for 14 months but I mc then got pg with ds3 two months later. The hg was so bad it was like constant seasickness, I left it late going to see the gp and mw because of the mc and by the time I got an appointment it was alot better

I was realy worried that it would be the same with ds4 but it wasn't, but by then I'd joined mn and the hg thread, so knew that I didn't have to go through it again without meds and even talking to people on here helped me.

Also meeting others who felt the same mad panic as me helped, if nothing else knowing others felt the same made me feel more normal!

vanimal Wed 11-Jan-12 14:35:24

knickyknocks I am in the same boat as you, I am around 7 weeks pregnant, and have morning sickness. I had hyperemesis with DD1 and DD2, and was in hospital with dehydration both times. I am really dreading having this again.

I did find the sickness eases with each pregnancy, partly from knowing how to handle it better each time - eating little whenever I can face it.

I am also counting the days of this pregnancy away - I absolutely hate feeling this way. Every day I get through, I tell myself that's one more day out of the way.

I am trying to get out each day - even if its a walk around the shops, just to get my mind off it a little. Otherwise I am just sat in front of the tv each day feeling sorry for myself, which doesn't help.

I have also decided to treat myself during this pregnancy, something I didn't do with the first 2. I am going to get myself a kindle - I have been having bleeds and so will be spending alot of time in hospital appts over the next few weeks, so a kindle will be well used during this pregnancy.

I am also going to get my hair done, and get a manicure, hopefully looking better will also make me feel better. At the moment I don't even have the energy to wash and blow dry my very thick hair.

I am going to visit my mum and sister this weekend for a break and a change of scene - that's another weekend out of the way.

This time and feeling will pass for us both.

Figgyrolls Wed 11-Jan-12 14:45:30

Positive pregnancy test = denial and tears

and the most adorable ds in the whole world who waved goodbye to everyone at nursery this morning grin

I had sheer panic with number 2, I really did but I do think that is quite normal

Davinaaddict Wed 11-Jan-12 15:20:54

As everyone else has said, it's perfectly normal to feel like that. I had a really easy first pregnancy, and we planned DC2 (conceived after 4 months, now 31 weeks), and despite all that I still had a mad panic moment smile

Apologies if that came across as a bit of a boast, it's not the intention - more to highlight that it's not just those who have had difficult previous pregnancies that panic. And this pregnancy is worse than the last one, so that serves me right grin

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