Advice please.........

[MissCKitty]

Hi all, hope you are well. In a bit of an awkward situation and I'd like some advice on how to handle it. A work colleague and I have always had a close relationship and have supported each other through her multiple miscarriages and my fertility problems with my previous partner. Each time she fell pg, despite how hurt I felt cos I couldn't conceive, I was really positive and encouraging. Then helped her through at each miscarriage. However something happened late last year which damaged the relationship and destroyed the trust a little resulting in us not having such a close friendship anymore. I have tried to mend bridges but she is quite a bitter person and she is making me feel quite uncomfortable. To top it all off she is really pissed off that I am pg after only trying with my new man for a short time. She hasn't even been able to pretend to be happy for me. In fact she turned round to me the other day and said with pure venom 'I don't care that you're pregnant'. I really don't know what to do cos we have to start working together again in a couple of weeks (she's been away helping in another office since April)and I haven't got the energy to deal with it....
Any ideas?

[thisisyesterday]

i would just be civil to her, nothing more nothing less

it IS going to hurt for her, seeing you pregnant when she so badly wants a baby. and there is nothing you can do about it- maybe just give her her space

what happened that damaged the friendship?

[MissCKitty]

It was a work related thing. I got a promotion that she wanted. Thats the other difficult thing, I'm her boss now

[Elsa123]

Aah, you're just going to have to be totally professional and not try to go for the friendship unless she comes to you. As her boss you do not want to be in a position where you're pandering to her. Also, for her, she needs a fair boss so her reports will be accurate. Don't talk about the pg with her unless she asks.

Also, top tip, any request you make of her, follow it up in writing for the audit trail and if you have any one on one interview time, write it down and get her to agree decisions made. If she plays ball, she never knows, she could end up covering your mat leave and getting a pay rise.

[Hevster]

That's a really hard one, if it was me I would definately raise your concerns with a more senior member of staff, taking the can u please advise me line like u have here at least then someone is aware of the situation and should she get nasty or vindictive u will look good and reasonable. Also always cover your own back, as others have said put everything in writing by email and if u think u need it ask a third person to sit in on any discussions. In my experience a bitter and jealous woman is a dangerous woman

[Cheepz]

Be kind. You are pregnant, and you got a promotion, even with friends it can be hard to be happy and supportive for someone who is getting the things you want. I have a very close friend and colleague at work who is pregnant and so was I, but I had a miscarriage and so now she will have a baby 2 weeks before I would have had mine. I try my best to be supportive and I am happy for her, but each time she asks my advice about maternity clothes or talks to me about her scan, symptoms, the baby, that its a boy it bites a little.

I am sure your friend is happy for you but it takes a very big person not to have some feelings of jealousy - especially where miscarriages are involved.

So be kind, I am sure your friend is not going to be some HR nightmare, or that she begrudges you your happiness but even with close friends it can be very difficult to be big about it all the time.

Also bear in mind you are pregnant, maybe a little bit more sensitive than normal, maybe feeling anxious, hormonal, tired .. you might read more into her words and actions than is actually there.

[randomimposter]

Agree with most of what Cheepz has said. I have (only) had 2 miscarriages myself, to have gone through it multiple times must be so terribly painful.

I think it's best to maintain a professional relationship and try to avoid too much personal chit-chat anyway. In this way you can't rub each other up the wrong way too much?

Good luck with your pregnancy and with your new situation at work. Hope all works out ok.