Preparing your child for you having a baby

[CeeCee123]

Hi,
I was just wondering how those mums who are expecting their second (or more) go about explaining to their younger children what is going on? I've got a 2.8 year old and obviously he know there's a baby coming, but I'm debating if I should really spell out to him that I'm going to be going away for a day or two or if that will just unduly worry him. I have a good friend who lives around the corner so if I go into labour in the middle of the night like last time, she will most likely come around to be with him if we leave for the hospital, so one morning he could just wake up and I won't be there.

I've debated talking to him about how this could happen but I'm afraid he'll just start fretting every morning that I might have disappeared. I was just wondering how everyone else was handling this??

[SilveryMoon]

My ds1 was 18 months when ds2 was born.
I went to the book shop and bought a couple of really nice books for ds1 which we read every day for the last 4 months.

Personally, if it was me now (ds1 is now 2.9) I think I'd do everything I could to prepare him for the birth.
I'd read stories, I'd get him involved in shopping for the baby, in getting things ready at home and anything else i thought would make the whole thing easier

[GoldenSnitch]

We bought DS books before DD was born when he was 2.9. "There's a house inside my Mummy" was a definite favourite. We also let him see scan pictures and talked about the baby inside my tummy, let him feel her kick etc and we also involved him with getting her room ready for her - he chose toys for her and helped us put clothes in drawers.

I think I was lucky in that we knew the sex so she was "baby Catherine" for a few weeks before she was born and I had an ELCS so we knew exactly when she was going to arrive and DS had a sleepover at his GP's while I went. He regularly sleeps over there (in fact, he's there right now having slept over last night) so this wasn't weird for him.

Could your friend maybe have a sleepover at your house once or twice before the birth? That way, he'll be used to her being there early in the morning and she'll know how you do your morning routine.

I would be worried about him panicing that you'll be gone when he wakes if you tell him in advance too. Maybe talk about how you'll have to go to hospital when you have the baby but don't discuss how this will affect him. Don't tell him you might disappear while he sleeps. Leave it to your friend to say "Mummy had to go to hospital last night" on that morning. If he knows about hospital and thinks you're just picking up a baby like you're doing the weekly shopping, he might not be so scared.

[SilveryMoon]

That's the book we had 'There's A House Inside My Mummy'
Used to make me cry. Was very sweet

[ktwiltshire]

my DD1 was 18months when DD2 was born (exactly 18months to the day!), i told her from early on that there was a baby in my tummy, she helped me chose the name and we sang songs to my tummy she knew that the baby was coming, and when i went into labour i stayed with her until the MIL came to look after her, she knew the baby was coming and was happy to go and stay with MIL for a few days whilst i was in hospital, she was just happy to see us again when we all got home.

now im about to have DD3 in a couple weeks, DD1 is 4.6 and DD2 is 3, theyve chosen her name, keep singing her songs, say goodmorning and goodnight to her, they know that shes coming soon, and are well aware that ive got to be in hospital to get her safely out. luckily they are very aware that she could come at any point, and if she does then they know whos going to be looking after them, so its pretty clear cut in their heads.

my two are just soo excited, but aware that theyre going to have to be careful when she does get here!

[SilveryMoon]

kt There's 18 months to the day between mine too! lol

Goodluck with your 3rd. I hope you have a quick, easy and safe labour and deklivery

[gingerbaby]

Sorry to hijack, but is 18months a really difficult gap to cope with?

[ktwiltshire]

it was difficult at first, having them both in nappies still, but like any age gap, it has difficulties of its own kind. i was lucky in that theres 13months between my brother and i, so my mum was a great source of advice on how to handle things. i have 2 girls with that 18month gap, so its more kind of bitchy 'im not your friend' drama than fist fights!

[SilveryMoon]

My 2 are boys. They are now 2.9yrs and 15 months.
It has it's good bits and it's bad.
It was really hard for a bit, and we still have bad days and stuff, but it's definitely managable.

[freelancescientist]

If you are staying in hospital and your elder child will come in and see you and baby, prepare them for the fact that you might have your pyjamas on and be in bed. My eldest was really upset when I had DD because he thought I was poorly (in pyjamas and in hospital, what else could it be?!) I never thought to explain that bit to him.