Pregnant after miscarriage and can't stop worrying. Please talk to me

[TheWorryMaster]

Regular but namechanged as I haven't told anyone in RL (apart from DP) that I'm 5 weeks pregnant.

I had a miscarriage last year which really knocked me down. We have other DC and had never had any problems when pg before (and didn't realise at the time how lucky we'd been).

Mystery contraception failure, we can't quite figure out how it happened, has resulted in this pg and I am in a state. I am terrified that I will mc again.

Someone please come and tell me how to deal with these feelings? How have you coped?

[Ebb]

I haven't any advice but I know how you feel. I had a mc last October and am currently 6wks pregnant. Emotionaly, it's really hard. I can't get excited about it as I'm worried I'll mc again. I try to remain positive and I'm busy with my ds. I think I knew right from the start of my last pregnancy that something was wrong as I had spotting from very early on. Touch wood, so far nothing so far with this pregnancy. I don't think I'll relax until I have a baby in my arms so it could be a very long pregnancy! Good luck with your pregnancy and come and join us on the November antenatal thread. Several of us are pregnant after mc's so we can hold your hand.

[cyanarasamba]

Hi Worrymaster, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am 7 weeks pregnant and have had 2 miscarriages in the past. Sorry about your miscarriage, it does take all the joy out of pregnancy once you have had problems like this.

The best advice I have had (from a friend who has sadly had multiple late losses) is not to look too far ahead and just take one day at a time. So instead of thinking things like "it's five weeks till my 12-week scan when I can relax a little", I focus on the fact that I am pregnant, this is a Good Thing, today is not a bad day and in this way time will pass.

Of course it's not quite that easy and I have been freaking out now and then which is terrifying and draining. I do have a DS and find he helps pass the time very well.

If you do experience any bleeding you should be able to contact your Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan from around 6 weeks.

Hope this helps a little. I

[DarrellRivers]

Emotionally I felt the only way I could cope was to try to pretend I wasn't pregnant
Not to get excited and not to believe it at least until the 12 week scan
It is so so so so so hard

[2ndDestiny]

Hi Worry

I'm not sure what whether I can really say anything to help, but just wanted to say that I have been in exactly the same situation and totally understand. It is really difficult, the time just drags and you end up scrutinising every symptom or lack of symptom.

I had a mc a little over a year ago and have no children yet. The mc hit us really hard, and then not long afterwards I was diagnosed with PCOS, which causes infertility, so it has been a struggle to get pregnant again. I am now almost 12 weeks. I have had 3 scans and seen a heartbeat, but I am still terrified about my 12 week scan in 2 days time. I just hope that if all is well I may somehow find a way to relax after that.

Do you have a sympathetic GP? Can you ask for an early scan to reassure you? Or even pay for one privately? (At my local hospital we got one for £75 - not too bad). I had one at 7 weeks (because you can expect to see a heartbeat by then) and also at 9 weeks (because according to the MC Association, the mc risk drops to 2% after 8 weeks if a heartbeat is seen). Then you can sort of set yourself small milestones - I found myself counting down the days to each scan and it helped to break up the first trimester. I also found it helped not to tell many people and not to talk about it much in RL - to just keep focused on my regular routine - but I think that's quite a personal decision.

It's really tough and there's not much you can do to keep from worrying, but if you already have healthy DCs, then the chances of your having a successful pregnancy are much higher than the chances of another mc.

Best of luck.

[Daynee]

Hi Worry - You are certainly not alone. I've had 4 mc's, and no dc yet. I'm currently 10 weeks and have been crazy NERVOUS every since I found out.

I've been dealing with it one day at a time. I go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch t.v., go to sleep. On the weekends, I try to do something fun like I did before I was preggers (except for drinking). And each week that I finish, I'm like, "Thank you God! Another week down!"

I wish I had a fast-forward button sometimes, and I'm sure you do too. Just hang in, eat lots of yummy food, and get lots of rest. Keep us posted!

[TheWorryMaster]

Thank you so much for your replies and congratulations to all of you too!

I'm sorry to hear of your losses

It is just so hard isn't it? As I'd had 3 easy problem free pgs before the mc I told everyone really early and just assumed everthing would be fine.

I agree the experience of mc takes all of the joy out of it and makes it hard to be excited.

The hardest part for me of the mc was losing all the dreams I'd made for the baby so I'm making a conscious decision to stop my mind running ahead.

I like the idea of just taking it one day at a time, the magic 12 week date seems so far way at the moment.

Two days before I mc I felt that something wasn't right and I can't stop asking myself 'Do I still feel pregnant?' and my answer is usually No and then I get upset. Then I'm hit with a wave of nausea and I know that I still am. It is just so wearing.

I will come and dip my toe in the November thread Ebb, I'm nervous as I joined one last year and then mc and feel I'm going to jinx everything if I act too confidently about this pg.

[TheWorryMaster]

Reading that back I hope I don't sound insensitive when i said about previous easy pgs. I mean it in the sense that I was pretty clueless about mc and what a devasting effect it can have.

[TopTrump]

Hi all

Like many of you I'm pregnant again after a MC and I'm writing to post my support for you all!

In my case I'm now 25 weeks and counting, (never thought I'd get this far after very dodgy early weeks) but for me the worrying didn't stop at 12 weeks. I just want to say that it's not that easy to switch off the "panic mode" in your brain even when you know that the risks of MC are so much smaller every week that goes by.

I'm still taking it one week at a time and can't plan anything for when the baby comes, not even the name!

I keep thinking it'll get easier when I get to X weeks, but it hasn't happened so far!

If anyone knows the secret to a relaxing and enjoyable pregnancy after MC please let us know!!

[catbus]

I have had 2 MCs before and have 3 DCs. The last was a MMC last Summer, which was probably the most devastating. It was made harder, probably, as I was scattering my Dad's ashes, knowing I had a dead baby inside me; I had chosen the wait and miscarry naturally, which ended in me collapsing and being taken for an ERPC after 2 weeks.
I am now 15 weeks pg. It has seemed like I have been pg forever and has been a completely overwhelmingly anxious time. Even though I have had a dating scan and saw little bean happily jiggling away, the fear and anxiety has not gone. I am a bit more relaxed, but I think until I can prod it and feel it moving every day, i won't relax much more. It is so hard, and when you've had healthy pgs before, it makes you realise how lucky indeed you were. It's like having MC takes the innocence away from any subsequent pregnancy.
All I can say is, try to take it one day at a time and be absorbed in your other DCs; they can be a blessed distraction!
I had a healthy (now 2.4 year old) between MCs, and I think I actually was more relaxed after 12 weeks than I am with this one! Also to add, this one was a complete surprise too! Wishing you lots of rest, relaxation and happiness ahead!!

[TopTrump]

Hi catbus

I can totally sympathise with you on how difficult a MMC is. My MC was also missed, and because my 12 week scan was booked so late I didn't find out until I started bleeding at nearly 15 weeks. The thought that I had been carrying around a dead baby totally unaware for 6 weeks or so is still so hard to come to terms with.

Because I still felt pregnant when I lost the last baby I can't trust myself this time to know that I'm actually pregnant. Thankfully the last few weeks I've been getting some pretty definite indications that I am with some nice sharp jabs in the stomach! Once you get to the stage of being kicked it definitely helps!!

[appu]

Hello Worrymaster
I have been there so totally understand what you are going through.
My first pregnancy ended in MC at 10 weeks so this time I was counting the days till the first trimester. Just hang in there... its tough and scary but once these 12 weeks are behind you it will certainly get better from there on.
I am 30 weeks now and have almost forgotten about what sleepless nights I had worrying about whats to come.