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Pregnancy

Why are people so mean and bloody nosy?

29 replies

TiredTiredTired · 10/03/2010 10:35

I just have to vent!!

I'm sure I'm not the only person fed up with complete strangers talking to me about my pregnancy. I'm 27 weeks and can't hide it any more!

On a flight home from Morocco yesterday, really tired and wanting some peace and quiet, the man next to me tried to engage me in conversation about my bump. Rude, I know, but I just put my earphones in and ignored him. I just didn't want another stranger to tell me what they thought about my body. a) it's none of their business, b) I'm not really interested in their opinion that I look like I'm more six months gone and c) no it's not twins. I'd put up with it a lot that day and it was just the final straw.

But he turned round to the women behind me who kept up a chorus through the three hour flight about how I shouldn't be allowed out of the house, and how I was acting as if nobody apart from me had ever been pregnant before. Honestly, I just wanted a bit of peace and quiet and didn't want a conversation with someone I didn't know about my personal gynaecological matters. They got really spiteful at one point and my bf turned round to ask them to be quiet, at which point they wouldn't look him in the eye and pretended they weren't saying anything.

I had had a really nice holiday up to that point, and now feel like they spoilt it for me. I don't see why my body has anything to do with complete strangers and I don't know why it made them get so spiteful about me.

Anyone got any tips on deflecting those nosey conversations? A quick one-liner would be really helpful for next time!

Thanks!

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onepieceoflollipop · 10/03/2010 10:39

I know it is irritating, particularly if you are a private person.

However, people only tend to remark in a polite, passing the time of day type of way. Much like some people moan about the weather etc.

Ime the best thing to do is just to go along with it to a certain extent. i.e. smile nicely, say all is going well or whatever. Just a couple of pleasantries.

If enquiries become more persistent then I would have smiled again and said something like I was tired and was going to rest my eyes. Most people would take the hint I am sure.

I do think you were a little bit rude and so were they.

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gorionine · 10/03/2010 10:39

I think you might be a bit hormonal, they are just making conversation(clumsily so though) not trying to be spiteful.

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thedollshouse · 10/03/2010 10:40

. I think I would have been complained to a stewardess. What exactly was their problem with you?

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onepieceoflollipop · 10/03/2010 10:40

Alternatively you could always say "pregnant ha ha, whatever gave you that idea, now rude. No, I'm not pregnant, just struggling with my weight"

Guaranteed to make them

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nickytwotimes · 10/03/2010 10:42

Ha ha! Wait till you are carting a newborn around and total strangers discuss breastfeedin/not bfing, birth experiences (in GRAPHIC detail), weaning, sleep, etc, etc. It is a pita at times.

Seriously, though that can't have been very nice. They sound bloody awful. I found and find (now on to number 2) that most people were really quite pleasant and asked if I was well, if it was a boy or girl, blah, blah. Tbh, noone has said anything much this time but that may be because I have a noisy toddler with me so they don't even notice my bump.

You had a horrid experience with some unpleasant people. Hope you encounter some nice peole soon.

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TiredTiredTired · 10/03/2010 11:18

Thanks Nicky! Will accessories with a noisy toddler next time

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Morloth · 10/03/2010 11:38

They shouldn't have continued talking about you like that. But it is extraordinarily rude to put your earplugs in and blank someone when they are speaking to you regardless of what they are speaking to you about.

Most people are quite kind when they see an obviously pregnant woman, at least that has been my experience.

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nickytwotimes · 10/03/2010 11:40

He's ready for collection now...

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FoxyRevenger · 10/03/2010 12:22

@ thedollshouse

Complain to a stewardess? Because the man next to you is being a wee bit rude? What would you expect her to do about that, then?

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TiredTiredTired · 10/03/2010 12:54

Morloth and Lollipop, in my defence, he muttered something at me when I sat down and I didn't realise he'd said 'how far gone are you?' until I'd half put my earphones in (being the sort of person who expects someone to say hello before starting to comment!). So yeah, I was a little bit rude, but it wasn't like I just blanked him when he was being all friendly and polite.

I am normally friendly, do talk to people and don't have a problem with it, it's just that after 5 hours of waiting at an airport where everyone from the check in people to the toilet attendants and baggage handlers wanted to know everything about it all, it was all a bit too much and I wanted a few hours of peace!!

Hormones + tiredness excuse me just about, but the harridans sat behind me being bitchy and spiteful have nothing to fall back on!!

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thedollshouse · 10/03/2010 13:00

FR - I think if someone is rude enough to say that the op should be locked up at home it would justify the stewardess having a word in his ear and telling him to keep his opinions to himself.

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FoxyRevenger · 10/03/2010 13:19

Seriously? But...they're adults. Adults don't go running to people going 'mum mum, that man said bad stuff about me'

I would reckon either ignore it or challenge it.

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Anifersgirl · 10/03/2010 13:25

I'm sorry, but I'm with Tiredtiredtired all the way. I know some people like the attention, but some of us really DON'T and it drives me to distraction the way people think they have a right to know your intimate details just because you're pregnant - there's no other circumstance when that would happen!

And in my experience, i've found that people don't actually want to talk to you about how you are they want to tell you about their experiences, and, more often than not, have that smug little 'just you wait until it arrives..' dig.

I'm rude if I don't want to have endlessly tedious conversations with complete strangers? Fine, sign me up to the 'I'm rude' club, I'll wear the badge with pride!

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sprogger · 10/03/2010 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

legallyblond · 10/03/2010 13:43

My mother had a neat trick for this: she is 6 foot and has size 8/10 model-like proportions (even now, after 4 children) so had no hang-ups about her weight. She would always say "oh no, I'm not pregnant" and just continue to smile at them. People stopped commenting fairly swiftly after that!

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skinsl · 10/03/2010 13:46

i must look really unfriendly, no-one ever wanted to talk to me about my bump!!

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bronze · 10/03/2010 13:48

Skinsl I was thinking the same I must be scary I never get any of the comments about any of the things people talk about on this forum

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IngridFletcher · 10/03/2010 13:48

I think you were both rude.

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Anifersgirl · 10/03/2010 14:00

OK, so how comes, if I sit down next to some big fat person and ask them what they had for lunch 'lots of chocolate? A big greasy pie..?' - that's considered rude, but if someone sits down next to me and starts asking personal questions about my physical condition, that's not rude?

Tiredtiredtired, I think you were categorically not rude, and that you were perfectly justified in your reaction.

Being pregnant does not make us public property!

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TiredTiredTired · 10/03/2010 14:04

Thanks Anifers girl! That's exactly how I feel. Let's wear those 'I'm rude' badges with pride together ;)

Am guessing the other ladies haven't had either the same treatment or are just wildly open about their personal lives with total strangers!

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sprogger · 10/03/2010 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daynee · 10/03/2010 14:08

I must say that I think these people on the plane sounded quite annoying. I'm not one for small talk but I would have probably managed to exchange a few words fi the man seemed genuinely nice, like "Yeah, I'm 6 months...it's a girl...I'm excited, blah blah." Then, I would have put the earphones in!

What the woman said was strange and she should mind her own business...I would have just ignored her...It shouldn't bother you so much...forget about it...People have opinions...and these opinions are not always welcome!

At any rate, I'd exchange a few simple pleasantries and once it got too personal or weird, I would figure a decent way to end the conversation!

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bibbitybobbityhat · 10/03/2010 14:10

You see, this is one of those stories that I really don't believe.

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traceybath · 10/03/2010 14:14

Quite Bibbity.

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pagwatch · 10/03/2010 14:15

Well I find this all a bit odd.

FWIW if you sat next to me I would not give the smallest shit that you were pregnant. But maybe I would try to prompt a very brief converstaion just to ensure that the flight was not stressy ( ie when having to get up to go to the loo etc).

I would hope that we could be adults, say hi, are you on a family visit/trip/work etc, hope you enjoy the flight and then settle down with a good book. I would quite understand ( in fact be delighted ) if they said " actually I would just like to read my book/listen to this if you don't mind" and we could both be happy.

But I suspect if I spoke briefly and the person put their headphones on and ignored me I may be a bit and think that they were a bit of a twat.

It is just manners.
I don't think any of you displayed any.

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