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Newly Pregnant and Scared

(75 Posts)
NellyE Mon 25-Jan-10 11:46:57

I'd really like some help if anyone can offer any. I'm 34 and found out a week ago I'm pregnant with my first. Since then, I've just felt totally freaked out. It was planned, but happened very quickly. Since I found out I've just felt scared and worried - I can't seem to summon any excitement or happiness about what's ahead. Everything's going to change and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope.

This makes me feel terrible, as I know there are so many people who would kill to be in my position, and I know I should be more grateful.

Did anyone else feel like this when they got pregnant? And is there anything I can do to help with these negative feelings and stop being so damn freaked out?

If you can offer any reassurance, I'd love to hear it. Thank you.

you need to ta;lk to your MW - this might just be normal pg nerves or it might be antenatal depression. either way, talking about it (and treatment if necessary) will help.
What specifically are you worried about coping with? birth or baby?
congratulations btw

beakysmum Mon 25-Jan-10 11:50:55

Hi! Oh, poor you!

Don't worry, it IS completely overwhelming, even when it was planned. And I would imagine if it happens quickly (never happened to me!) you come from "Wouldn't it be nice if..... " to "OMG!" in about 3 weeks!

Don't worry, you will cope, it'll be fine. And you've got weeks more before you need to tell anyone, so you can use that time to get used to the news yourself first.

What does your DP think?

NellyE Mon 25-Jan-10 12:12:29

I'm very scared about the birth but also what comes afterwards and actually having to cope with a baby. My partner is very happy, so this is making me feel even more guilty.
I guess I just wanted to know it's normal to feel scared and overwhelmed, but that it passes...At least, that's what I'm hoping.

well both times with mine (very much planned) I've had a day or so of "OMG what have I done?!" after the initial euphoria has worn off

marzini Mon 25-Jan-10 12:22:09

i was exactly the same, and think it is completly normal. We had been together 10 years when last christmas we decided to have a try, first month found out i was pregnant, i had convinced myself that we didn't need to put too much thought into what we would do with a baby because it would take ages. Unfortunatly that pregnancy ended in MMC at 10 weeks and it wasn;t until that happended that we realised how much we actually wanted the baby. I am not suggesting that you will have any problems but you are bound to be feeling funny about the whole thing with all the extra hormones rushing around your body, but you will be fine, you will cope, and you will have a lovely baby at the end.

As i write this i am 3 days overdue and last night whilst sat in bed DH turns to me and says "what are we going to do with the baby when you go back to work?" so don't stress you will be fine x

ShowOfHands Mon 25-Jan-10 12:30:08

It's normal. smile

The thing is, at the moment, you have no basis for reference. You've never put on a lot of weight in 9 months, grown a child, given birth, had a newborn etc. Of course it's frightening because you only know that your body will change and labour probably hurts and a newborn wakes up a lot and it's done now. The rest of your life has changed in the 3 minutes it took to take a test. There's little else in life that will do that to you.

What you don't know is everything else besides. The instincts, the happy hormones, the sheer, unadulterated, fierce, overwhelming joy of holding your baby. The pleasure, the love, the pride. Nobody can tell you what that feels like and there is no comparison.

You will be fine, absolutely fine.

Don't be ashamed or worried that it's abnormal to feel this way. Talk to people and to your midwife. It should pass and be replaced with anticipation and happiness (and still a little bit of fear probably), but if it doesn't there's help available.

Congratulations, you've got a lovely time ahead of you.

LuckyC Mon 25-Jan-10 12:34:24

NellyE, I could have and probably did write this post 6 months ago. Fell pregnant with my first in 9 seconds, not the 9 months I was expecting (am 35).

Completely panicked/ freaked. Had to stop telling people as burst into tears every time I told someone - sobbed on the phone to my mum - while they were all 'Congratulations! So excited for you!' etc.

Without sounding like a terrible ungrateful person, I think that if I had tried and failed to conceive for a couple of months, I would have been so much readier for it and happier about it - do you think that, too?

Bets advice I had was just to walk away from it for a week - let it slowly settle as an idea instead of actively trying to engage with it. Indulge yourself a bit, take it easy.

Do NOT underestimate the hormonal changes - they are having a massive and extremely unsettling impact on you right now. These too will settle. Come and get support on MN if you need it.

If you are prone to depression, maybe ask your GP about antenatal depression.

Don't worry - you're completely normal. Somewhere between 9 and 12 weeks my hormones settled and I started to get my head around it all. I am about 26 weeks now and have started really enjoying being pregnant. Most of the time, anyway. I am pretty sure you will be the same, even if it's hard to believe now.

Go now and have chocolate muffin/walk/massage, whatever you like, and then have a week off worrying. Good luck, come back if you need us.

ShowOfHands Mon 25-Jan-10 12:42:33

Before I found out I was pg I stood in the middle of the supermarket and sobbed because there were too many bubblebaths to choose from. I am a sane, stable, happy, well-adjusted human being. DH had to take me home. Two days later I found out I was pg. Your hormones have a big impact quite quickly but it settles!

(although <whiper> also whilst pg I sobbed because the man in front of me in the supermarket was very old and had a basket containing only cat food and a tin of value soup)

Stay away from supermarkets.

DJAmber Mon 25-Jan-10 13:25:01

Don't fret, it's completely normal....at least I went through exactly the same. At 39 my DH and I decided to see 'if we could get pregnant' assuming that age wasn't on our side and was unlikely to happen, or at least happen quickly. We decided to give it a go straight after we got married and I fell pregnant on honeymoon....fast forward a few weeks and a positive test and I was one freaked out bunny. I spent most of my pregnancy in denial and thinking OMG what if I've made a mistake, my life will never be the same, I'm 39 and used to my own space - how am I going to cope with such a change etc etc. I was also very honest about my feelings with people. Admittedly, people weren't quite sure how to respond when asked if I was excited and I said 'no, I'm absolutely terrified'. I was also concerned because I didn't feel I bonded at all with my baby whilst I was pregnant. Well my LO is now 2 weeks old and I can honestly say that it was the best thing i've ever done. Don't get me wrong, childbirth was no breeze and I hated being pregnant from day 1 but that's all forgotten once you look into your LO's face and give them a cuddle. Even at 2 in the morning when they're refusing to sleep, nothing else compares.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scotlian Mon 25-Jan-10 14:41:44

Hi Nelly

Echoing what most folk here have said, I reckon it's very common to feel this way due to hormones and a SANE realisation of the massive change it's going to be. Not sure this will help, but I think it's way better to be realistically prepared for the bombshell that is a new baby - esp if you've had years of being fancyfree - than go all gooey-baby-fairy-land and then be shocked by how hard it can/might be. I had no idea what was coming and as a result had post natal depression for a bit after ds was born...he is the best thing ever, I love him to bits, but I'd have much preferred feeling terrified/anxious/down before he was born when I could have acted on it, rather than when it was too late! You can still talk to MW, DP, GP, friends, family, and enlist all their support. You can make plans to cope before you need to and you know, it'll probably all be fine, but at least you'll be prepared! So your worries might just be your best friends if you listen to them and act on them...

...don't want to paint horrible picture of motherhood, at all at all, I love it now! But imho the trend towards assuming all mums must be delighted and all babies will be bundles of joy and peace is just unhelpful.

Rant over blush

All the best! Keep us posted!

elp34 Mon 25-Jan-10 15:22:17

I totally agree with LuckyC i could of written the same 9 months ago too. I'm 34 and due anyday now with my first and i am still having days like you but i know it is perfectly normal according to all my friends with babies.

It's just the unknown and i don't think it is anything to feel guilty about.

Wishing you all the best in the coming months.

NellyE Mon 25-Jan-10 17:32:47

Thank you everyone. It's so good to know I'm not alone and other people have felt the same way as me. I really appreciate all your lovely messages and kind wishes.

millimurphy Mon 08-Nov-10 17:44:25

Sorry to have bumped up an old thread - but it came up when I googled 'pregnant and scared'. I am 37 and I think about 5+ weeks pregnant and I don't know what to do. Everything has spirraled out of control, so parents, siblings, the family dog all know. Everyone is so pleased for me and telling me congratulations, but I just feel so scared. I am not sure I can cope with the responsibility of another small person.

I hadn't got round to changing my doctors when I moved in with my husband - so I went to see my original doctor and all he has said is that I need to change my doctor to someone closer. So I am not even registered with a midwife yet.

I feel so tired and had to sleep this afternoon - but still feel worn out now. I don't even know if I like babies - I keep looking at pictures of them to see if I feel maternal and I don't feel anything. Just sort of feel resentful that something alien has hi-jacked my body. Sorry to ramble

ninnybanks Mon 08-Nov-10 18:48:17

I found out over 5years ago that my eggs were poor quality and I couldnt have my own baby. After years of deliberation, consideration, stress and turmoil we have finally concievd with donor eggs. I expected this to make me the happiest woman alive, I prayed for this to happen every night for the last 5 years...so why am I so upset and confused? I am sick to my stomach with stress that I have done the wrong thing, I cant feel happy or excited just nervous, sick and tearful. My fantastic husband is totally freaked out by my reaction to this "great news" and so am I. We have dedicated our lives and most of our savings to achieving this pregnancy and now I am petrified that its going to ruin our perfect relationship, that I wont bond with them, that I have messed around with nature , that we wont cope . Why am I reacting like this...what the hell is wrong with me? I am so disapointed with myself for not feeling happy. Am I completely mad? Help please!x

southlondonlady Mon 08-Nov-10 20:29:16

Hello...just to say that I felt exactly like this at the start, very anxious, panicky and just awful.

A friend pointed out that trying to get pregnant and actually being pregnant are very different things, and for the first few weeks you should expect to be in shock and taking time to get your head around what is a huge thing. For me it got loads better around the 10-12 week mark when the hormones start to settle.

Write it all down in a journal and talk through with people you trust. Also confide in your midwife if you have a nice one, they have heard it all before.

I am 6 months along now and v excited! Good luck.

thefurryone Mon 08-Nov-10 20:41:00

Hi millimurphy & ninnybanks, there is nothing wrong with either of you. I'm 34 and found out I was pregnant at the end of August and went into quite a deep shock that lasted for well over a month, my DH was desperate to tell his parents and I had to keep putting him off as telling them would have meant admitting that it had actually happened. I had told one friend and I couldn't even talk to her about it as it would have meant admitting it was actually happening. I'm now 16 weeks and definitely getting used to the idea and now I'm not feeling constantly sick am really excited .

Also Ninnybanks I think your reaction is totally understandable, not only have you spent five years trying to get pregnant but (I'm assuming) five years convinced that you wouldn't. We tried for 18 months and I was convinced we would just be childless, it took a while sink in that I'd actually been lucky enough to get the good outcome as I'd spent so long protecting myself in case it didn't.

littlerayofsunshine26 Wed 10-Nov-10 10:53:36

I have just been reading the latest threads and am thrilled that I'm also not alone - having been told by infertility specialists that I couldn't have children we were beginning to look at the option of adoption, we moved out of our house 2 weeks ago to get it refurbished, so liviing out of boxes in friends houses only to discover that I am in fact 6 weeks pregnant and know that I should be thrilled and hugely excited as it seems like a miracle - only thing is i'm completely overwhelmed by the whole thing - morning sickness isn't helping and as i have an underlying medical condition I appear to be in constant fear of something bad happening. I am off to have an early scan next week to ensure there is a heart beat and I am hoping that when I get past the feeling sick phase I'll be able to get super excited but am also glad to read that it's not just me going mad! xx

ninnybanks Fri 12-Nov-10 16:00:34

Are there any mum or mums to be out there who have gone down the donor egg route?
I was so settled with the whole idea before and now I am actually pregnant all the predictable fears about bonding etc have re-surfaced. Also I am having my first scan next week and feel petrified that if its twins I will just freak out ...3 months ago twins was my dream!
I am ok with this if it all goes away eventually, but am so gutted that I am not enjoying this time more.
I have to stop worrying that this little baby is not mine ...stop feeling like it is a little alien intruder. Its what I have wanted for so long, I just cant stand the way I am feeling at the moment. I am also reluctant to tell people as I am afraid they will see how miserable I am and think I am mad!
xx

happycamel Fri 12-Nov-10 21:24:07

Hi Ninny, maybe post your last question in a separate thread with "donor eggs" as the title - it's maybe a bit too hidden here for someone with the same experience (guessing that'll be relatively few people) to spot it. For the same reason you might need to bump it a few times to get a response but don't be disheartened, someone will come along.

From my own experience (19 wks with #1) the baby is mine and DH's and it still feels like an alien, especially when it kicks. I think that bit is normal. This was planned but have to say I wasn't really happy or excited until the scan - that really helped me bond for a while. It's been 8 weeks since that now and I feel in need of another one so I visualise it as a baby and not a weird uncomfortable thing.

The hormones and sickness don't help. For the first 13 weeks I felt ill, not pregnant. It's hard to feel happy about being ill. Relax and try not to think about what you "should" be feeling, just take each day as it comes. As you can see from all the above posts and other threads - what you're feeling isn't unusual for people without donor eggs so yours may be exacerbated a little (or perfectly normal but you have something to pin it on).

All the "have I done the right thing/will I cope/will my relationship survive" stuff is totally normal. For anybody. Maybe get a good pregnancy book (bet you'd get loads of responses to a thread asking for a recommendation) that will reassure you or talk to your midwife.

Maybe pay for extra private scans if you find they help you bond and maybe try buying a few little things (cute unisex clothes maybe or toys) so it all seems a bit more real.

Good luck and keep posting, it sounds like you need the support and all any of us want to do is help each other.

smaych Fri 12-Nov-10 23:35:38

I definitely felt like this too - like you, my pregnancy is very much planned and wanted, but happened very quickly. The first month we started trying!

I'm 17 weeks and still trying to cope with the scary feelings sometimes of everything changing and the fear of the unknown. I think it doesn't help that I really like the way my life is just now, and such a huge change feels like a gamble that I might not win. But I try to cut myself some slack, and distract myself by doing things like having a good laugh/watching something funny, spending time with my husband, spending time with friends and talking about the "normal" stuff we talk about rather than just baby/pregnancy stuff, treating myself occasionally by going out to lunch or going window shopping for either stuff for myself or baby gear (this was very useful for getting me really excited about it) or concentrating on a craft or hobby (I really like to knit!).

I also found that thinking or talking about the good, exciting things I was looking forward to helped. Sometimes it feels like there's a lot of stress and worry and once the initial surprise and excitement has worn off from friends and family it can start to be daunting and lonely. It's hard to stay happy and excited for such a long time, especially if your pregnancy is rough for whatever reason (for me - hyperemesis and bad ligament pain). I find that my sister is good to talk to, because every time I phone her she is just bubbling over with excitement about the baby and I always come away from the conversation feeling a bit more excited about it myself too

Good luck, I hope you start to feel more positive soon xx.

laughinglemons Fri 12-Nov-10 23:51:05

Nelly hello and thank you so much for starting this thread.

I am 34 and we are TCC#1. I have been married for 2.5 years and DP very much wants a family.

I am terrified of being pregnant, giving birth, coping with friends and family and looking after a tiny baby and dealing with the difficult toddler years...

That said I do work with children 1 day a week and the thought of not being a Mum one day is very sad, so once again thanks to Nelly and everyone else.

JMMP Fri 17-Dec-10 14:41:05

Thank god I found this thread. This is exactly how I am feeling. I found out a couple days ago. We weren't really trying, but had stopped preventing and decided we'd be happy if it happened. Well now it has, and I'm not happy. I just feel overwhelmed and like we've made a mistake. Which, of course, just makes me feel so guilty. I suddenly don't want life to change. I do love my life right now and now I can't help but wish we had at least one more year. I talked to friends with babies who all tell me it's OK, it's the best thing ever and I won't regret it. But that doesn't help how I feel NOW. Deep down, I know I'll be happy a year from now and love this child. But right now, all I want to do is cry. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to shop for baby, I don't even want to go to the doctor (though I am tomorrow). If I'm being totally honest, I sort of wish this wasn't happening and I wasn't pregnant. That makes me feel like the world's worst mom ever. But at least now I know I'm not alone. It helps a bit to know this is normal. I hope it improves soon.

SelinaDoula Fri 17-Dec-10 14:54:47

I tried for nearly 3 years to get PG with my (now 7 year old) DD. When I finally did get PG I was terrified, not sure I wanted a baby etc
That is really normal, I think everyone experiences it to some degree.
In terms of bonding, I never really got my head around the fact that there was a live baby in there until the day I gave birth and she was put onto me by the midwife all hot and wet and alive.
I was lucky that I did bond easily and was very happy, I can assure you children change your life, but they are a constant source of joy too. Like the others say, be gentle to yourself.
A book I found helpful-
www.amazon.co.uk/How-Not-Perfect-Mother-Internatio nal/dp/0007163843
Can I also suggest, you consider a Doula?
You could find one now to support you antenatally, I have had clients from 12 weeks and they can call me anytime and get support.
www.doula.org.uk/
Selina x

beannachd Mon 11-Apr-11 18:15:05

I happened to find this thread by chance, by typing in pregnant and scared. I've literally just found out today. I had an idea I was and tried not to think about it. But eventually I knew I was going to have to do a test. mThe first test came up so faint that I tried to convince myself it was wrong, but I did a second one which confirmed it.

Just like Nelly, my OH is delighted, as is my family. All I've been doing is crying whenever I think about it. The overwhelming fear and panic just gets the better of me. I just never imagined actually being pregnant - especially so quickly, and even though we had tried! I'm 33 and felt like I was going to be an older mum, but I guess nowadays, 30s are the new 20s....at least that's what I tell myself

So reading all these makes me feel like I'm not alone, and things will get better. I will see a doc and speak about how scared I am too. Thank you for this thread, as it has reassured me and others it seems that everything might just be ok.

Sarah

Hi Sarah, feel free to come and join us over here

Lots of worrying and handholding from newbies to more experienced mums!

NotGoodPlace Fri 13-May-11 10:43:25

I feel EXACTLY the same and, if I could, I would not be pregnant right now.

I have spent a long time thinking about whether I want children or not and still don't know the answer. All I know is that it's always freaked me out and my hubby does want them. So I've felt a bad wife and I've felt the pressure and guilt since we got married.

I found out I am 5+ weeks pregnant and I have fallen apart. I have spiraled into a severe depression and can hardly function. I want my life back and I want never to have done this to my husband. I know I have choices but I don't know what to do. I don't want this inside me and I don't want to be defined by a pregnancy or by being a mum. I have never wanted this. But feel I should have ALWAYS wanted this.

I am getting through each day but don't know how. My husband wants to be happy but I am making him miserable and what should be a happy time for him is an awful time because of me.

I am making myself get up and get on with it and trying to pretend nothing is happening. My doctor wasn't helpful and just told me to decide whether to have the baby or not. I can't even cope with hearing the word baby as I don't want to be in this position.

I wish I was stronger to say yes I'll go through with it but I don't think I can. I've got what so many people want and I don't want it. I am an awful and not normal person surely.

I have started to see a counselor but it's not stopping me waking up and panicking.

Any thoughts welcome and hope this doesn't offend anyone.

d0gFace Fri 13-May-11 10:59:52

Im glad you're talking to someone about how you are feeling. I hope you start feeling more positive about yourself and the situation you find yourself in.

It doesnt have to be the end of life as you know it and just because you dont feel happy doesnt make you an awful person. Everyone's different and trying to compare yourself to others just doest make sence. You're your own person and whats right for you might not be whats right for someone else.

Try and imagine if someone else wrote your post and what your reply would be to them.

Good luck and take it easy!

NotGoodPlace Mon 16-May-11 09:40:25

How are you now?
I just blogged as I'm in the same position and don't want to be in this situation - pregnant or having to be making decisions or feeling guilty etc etc. I feel awful ...

creative11 Sat 20-Aug-11 15:35:15

Hi All I am new here, as I feel like I have made a really bad decision, seemed like a good idea about 3 months ago when I first brought the subject up with my partner of 6 years. He was never that bothered about having a child of his own as we have my 9 year old, who he adores as she was his own, but he decided to go along with my idea to make me happy, but then I decided it was probably bad idea after all - as we havent been getting along and to be honest keep thinking about leaving him, hes not done anything wrong I am just really bored with him (I know sounds awful)...anyway found out yesterday I am 4 weeks pregnant and really not happy whatsoever, don't know what to do, cant work, cant sleep, just feel like eating loads but then I feel bloated really quickly...I work for myself and just don;t know how I am going to cope, plus we don't have much money so feel under pressure to work more but just wish I could give up, sorry to have such a moan, but just don't feel like I can talk to anyone atm.

themightyskim Sat 20-Aug-11 21:34:38

I know you have had a lot of answers already but I have to agree with you, we have been trying for a while and Ive been desperate to see a positive test, I found out yesterday and I think im just over 5 weeks and I am terrified lol, im talking myself in to a miscarriage already im so freaked out, all I can say it my hormones have run riot this month, Ive had a huge row with my boss and I genuinely amd not that sort of person, I cried listening to the radio the other day because some boy had got A's on his A levels (and lord hell me ive just welled up thinking about that ha ha)

I think its perfectly natural for someone to feel like that when its something you really want especially if its your first or taken a while so rest easy, try to relax and try to enjoy what little peace and quiet you have left !! x x x

Praline27 Wed 09-Nov-11 12:45:40

I am so glad I stumbled on this site. It's made me cry that so many other women feel like this about being pregnant. I'm 39 and in a very happy strong relationship. I didn't care if I ever had kids but my boyfreind is very broody and we decided to stop preventing it. I got pregnant within 3 weeks! I thought it would take ages and I'm in shock. Most of my freinds have kids and they all seemed immediately happy and excited to be pregnant and I'm not sure I can go through with it. This sounds awful but if I had a miscarriage I would be so relieved. The advice on this page has made me feel abit calmer and that other people feel like this helps me. I don't even want to think about the birth as I'm convinced I will actually die.
I feel guilty about feeling this way but perhaps it's more normal than I thought. As a few other people have said, my partner is really happy but he is trying to hide it as he knows I'm struggling to accept it. I wish all of is newly pregant terrified women the best of luck, because if I can do this then I know you can.

ITryToBeZenBut Wed 09-Nov-11 17:24:13

Hi Nelly

I felt the same too. Same age as you and been with OH for 6 years and we decided to try after hearing it might take a while and i was shell-shocked when it happened straight away.

I do think a lot of it could be hormonal. I felt a bit disconnected from it all for the first 4 months and not happy as I felt to physically ill but guilty as I knew others would kill to be in my position - but at 6 months now, I feel differently. My hormones have shifted, I feel happier and generally more connected to the little person in me.

It'll all be ok. It's normal and I think when it happens so quickly you just haven't mentally prepared in the same way but that'll come. If it doesn't shift, do talk about it like others suggest with midwife etc but heopfully you see how how usual it is.

sweetpea36 Sun 13-Nov-11 21:50:11

Just wanted to say thanks for posting this - I thought I was the only person who felt like this! I've wanted to have children for ages, am 36 so thought it would take ages, so decided to come off the pill, then it took about a month. Feel like I should be overjoyed but I actually just feel exhausted, ill and stressed, also terrified that I don't know anything about babies and won't know how to look after one...so glad I'm not the only person that has ever felt like this. The worst thing is feeling guilty and thinking that I should be really happy, glowing, etc. Hope you start to feel better soon x

Gingerelle Thu 15-Dec-11 21:12:49

Hi - wow it is so good to read this thread. I found out I was pregnant yesterday (test said conceived 2-3 weeks ago but I'm guessing in GP terms that means more like 5??) and I am so sacred. Been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we decided a few months ago we would try, so I came off the pill, but he then got the fear about it all and I was feeling a bit wobbly too so we decided to wait a bit. I didn't go back on the pill and I guess we were a bit careless with the precautions and now I'm pregnant. Even though 2 months ago I thought this was exactly what I wanted I am now terrified. Boyfriend is in complete shock too, worried about how we'll afford it etc and I think if he were honest would prefer us not to continue with the pregnancy, but that just doesn't feel right for me, especially as we have said for a long time that we've known we want to have a family together one day. How have other people's other halves taken the news? He said tonight he wants to be more supportive but he's completely freaked out about it all, and frankly I feel the same. This is just so not how I pictured it all happening/feeling....

QTPie Thu 15-Dec-11 21:55:55

Hi

I was 35 (almost 36) when I had my DS. It is a HUGE change and only natural to feel apprehensive (older parents are more settled in their ways and lifestyles and so it can be more daunting.... however older parents also have a lot of experience and that can bring a lot to the table too - so it is not all downs!)

You may be different from me, but I found a LOT of reassurance (and constructive input) from reading books..... "What to Expect when you are Expecting", "What to Expect in the First Year" (didn't read too far ahead, though), "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer", Gina Ford's book etc (for ideas).

I am not a "natural mother" and have had VERY little to do with babies before DS, BUT you can become very knowledgeable (and it REALLY DOES HELP!) through reading a variety of books and "picking and choosing" ideas and advice.

Your life will change hugely, but you are in for the most exciting ride! smile

If it is any consolation, you can rediscover yourself afterwards:
- I wiegh 10lbs less than pre-pregnancy (was 9st 12lbs before preganncy, dropped down to 8st 12lbs at my lowest, have been 9st 2lbs for the past 10 months ish) - thanks to breastfeeding and a very active toddler (I don't diet)!
- despite all the horror stories - we found breastfeeding easy (no bleeding or cracking or pain).
- I have been exercising 4 times a week for the past 6 months (before that was twice a week since DS was 8 weeks old - he was born by ELCS).
- In January we will go for our fourth transatlantic holiday since DS was born (he will just turn 2 in January). It will also be our second ski trip. We take him on ALL holidays (he is a great traveller! We take the in-alws with us to share looking after him).
- DS slept through the night from 3 months old, apart from a very dodgy (teething) patch between 13 and 19 months (he was very "on and off" during that time and DH and I took turns, if he woke, sleeping on a mattress next to his cot).
- The past 9 months have been excellent - DS naps 2 to 3 hours each afternoon in his cot: gives me lots of time to do things, nap or relax. However DS has been on a (baby led, parent encouraged) routine since 5 weeks old.... so he has always been predictable and I have always been able to "plan my days" around him (he didn't need feeding between 12 and 4 - so I would take him out then for lunch/shopping etc).

All pregnancies, births and babies are different, but you actually do have a lot of control over "how things turn out". Having a child certainly doesn't have to be the end to your figure/life/career/holidays etc.... It IS a big shake up for the first few weeks, but you can take control and rebuild your life around your baby in a way that suits you.

Good luck - incredibly exciting :smile:

Gingerelle Fri 16-Dec-11 19:27:22

Thanks QTPie, that's really reassuring. Feeling a little better today though still waves of the 'oh god what have we done', although they are definitely easing up a bit. Hopefully the shock will wear off soon and things will start to feel calmer. I've followed your suggestion and been doing a bit of reading which has definitely helped, going to suggest to other half too that he does the same as it's has helped a lot. Thanks again xx

Sunyata Wed 28-Dec-11 11:03:20

Hi all,

Many thanks for this post. I cried as I read some of the posts.

My husband desperately wants a baby and has a life plan for us (two kids close together). As much as I love him and his ambition, I don't feel ready to have a child. Don't get me wrong, I feel very privileged to be pregnant (9 weeks) especially as I know that there are so many people that want a child but I'm terrified.

At the moment, I feel scared because I'm worried that something is going to go wrong but that's about as maternal as I feel. I'm really worried that I'm not going to attach to it and how drastically my life is going to change. I've tried to talk to my Husband about this but he thinks I'm being daft.

He was great at first and really excited but seems to have split behaviours over the situation. I'm not sure his lifestyle is going to change as much as mine; maybe just get grumpy at not getting enough sleep.

I'd just started a new promotion when I found out I was pregnant and have had different reactions to it. One manager said that "It's not great timing and I'm going to expect more of you". I feel like I'm jumping through hoops for everyone at the minute and it seems to be overlooked that I feel completely drained and lost. I just don't think my Husband understands either because he keeps asking "Why are you so tired?". I don't want to deal with this on my own but I feel like I can't approach the subject without him getting defensive.

What I'm really scared of is completely losing my identity; I don't just want to be someone's Mum. Sorry if it seems like I'm moaning but I really do feel quite lost and criticised.

sad

NinaMu Wed 04-Jan-12 08:31:02

Quite happy I found this thread. I found out I was pregnant last week which was fantastic news and I was unbelievably happy but now I suddenly feel totally terrified.

We've only been married 5 months and though this baby is 'planned' we really didn't expect it to come this soon.

Don't get me wrong I want a baby more than anything but I am terrified about the practical issues- the lease on our house runs out in June and so we have to search for another suitable, affordable rental property and then move when I am 6-7 months pregnant...

And really worried about finances too. I can't afford to give up work and I am almost an hour's commute away working quite long hours (with a very inflexible employer) Hopefully they will let me go part time but even then childcare costs seem very expensive- I just don't know how we can afford to live but yet still spend enough quality time with our baby. I know maybe I seem irresponsible getting pregnant while our finances aren't perfect, but to be honest they are not going to be perfect for at least 10 years and by then I'll be over 40...

I know this just sounds like a ramble but this is all the worries that have kept me awake at night.

I really want this baby but I am totally terrified!

Hulagirl Wed 04-Jan-12 18:49:19

I don't want to be pg but can't bring myself to terminate. Feel out of control and trapped. Taking my folic acid, avoiding pate, but every minute of every day I want this baby to go away. If I had mc now I would feel nothing but relief. Evil I know when so many can't get pg, but baby at this point in my life would make things so difficult, and I want my life back. I thought I wanted this. I thought I could handle it at this point. I was stupid and naive.

Amanda1979 Sat 28-Jan-12 17:19:11

Hi I am 32 and 8 weeks pregnant and I haven't enjoyed any part of those 8 weeks. I feel scared and anxious and keep feeling like I can't go on with the pregnancy. I fell pregnant 3 years ago but at 1 month couldnt cope with my emotions and I terminated my pregnacy and it was awful. I feel so ashamed to be thinking that again but my emotions are just so in a muddle. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I think falling pregnant has triggered these feelings off. My partner is so upset that I'm not happy about us getting pregnant and really wants the baby. I just can not find anything positive about having a baby even though I've longed for one since the age of 16. Everyone tells me I will be a perfect mum as I love my nephews unconditinally and have been part of there life since day one. I am great with children and love them to bits. Why do I feel like this? Is it normal? When I'm not pregnant I want to be so much but now I am I feel like I can't cope : (( Help

Amanda1979 Sat 28-Jan-12 17:32:25

Hi all, I am so glad I found this site. Reading all your messages makes me feel not so alone. I thought it was just me that was freaked out and having second thoughts but seems like I'm not the only one. Anyone have morning sickness or should I say all day and night sickness? If so when does it ease along with the roller coaster of emotions? I feel like I can't take another day sad

Pamsters Sat 11-Feb-12 20:27:11

I too suffer from a severe anxiety disorder-and I am already feeling better knowing that there's others out there feeling the way I do and that I'm not alone.

I am 30, 9 weeks prego, have an amazing husband who understands my anxiety, he has 2 kids whom I adore and who adore me. We have joint custody with the boys and I love being their step mom.

Our pregnancy was planned, and like many others happened within the first month of trying-and like many of you I thought I would have more time to prepare.

My doc said to come off my anxiety meds, which I did and now am a depressed, panic stricken, tearful mess!! I guess it must be normal to feel like this, and being a long term anxiety sufferer, it's nothing I haven't felt before. I'm doubting the future, whether I'll be a good mum, scared we've made a mistake, scared I'll lose my identity and 'just be someone's mum'....

Ladies if I can get through this then so can you. It must be the scariest, most exciting, most daunting life changing experience we will ever go through-but I'm determined that it's gonna be amazing. I wish all of us the best of luck with our pregnancies and Im so glad I found this thread.

Purplecatti Sat 25-Feb-12 19:12:55

All I can say is, THANK GOD FOR THIS THREAD.
I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and I still can't believe it.I came off the pill last September and had the 'if it happens it happens' approach (husband really wants a baby, he will be thrilled). I didn't really believe it could happen at all to be honest. Actually I haven't had 'aunty flo' since December, and I will feel pretty stupid at the doctors that I just thought I was really late (got baad cramps, swollen all over) and had a fluey bug for while (headaches, blocked nose, bone tired). But I figured I would feel all glowy or something, certainly not grotty as I do.
But it has and I feel awful that I am not grinning with joy. My emotions are running from sheer panic to 'what have I done?' back to sheer panic
I am scared witless.
- I've never had anything to do with babies
- I'm knackered after my stepdaughter stays a weekend, how will I cope with a lifetime???
- I feel horribly vain for saying this but I love my 36,26,36 figure and it will be ruined
- I don't really know what to expect.
- I have a rather humongous bra size for my frame and I'm dreading them getting bigger, and then horrid and droopy
- I'm not really into kids in general
- my mother in law is a total nightmare and unfortunately lives only 10 miles away. My parents are 200 miles away and this has had me in tears. Actually everything has had me in tears lately, the toothpaste fell off my toothbrush this morning and I was in floods.
- I'm scared of giving birth, I've never so much as had a smear before (silly I know). But the only person I've ever taken my pants off for has been my husband and that's what has gotten me into this mess in the first place.
- I went into the maternity wear bit of a shop today and had to run out in a blind panic
- I have no local friends and live in an apartment where there are no other babies. I don't want to feel alone. I've googled baby groups in my area and they are all miles away.
- I hate my job, and now I feel like I will have to be stuck there forever.

I haven't told husband yet, I'd so planned to tell him with joy, I've dream of this moment for months but now that it has actually happened I haven't reacted the way I'd thought or wanted to. I don't want to be the dampener on his euphoria. Plus my stepdaughter is here this weekend, I'd rather we were alone.

I just keep thinking I'll come on my period late and I can put this nightmare behind me.
I also really really hope I don't continue to feel this way.

Maizey007 Thu 08-Mar-12 19:45:11

I am a level headed femail with one child already but am petrified of doing it again. I am 38 now soon to be 39 but really want another baby but only if someone else can go through the pregnancy for me!
My last pregnancy was a nightmare. Let me explain. Her dad was never there and was unfaithful but he still insisted on feeding me up for the sake of the baby, as a consequence I went form a size 12 to. 22. My daughters early life was ruled by him being an alcoholic and general bully who never wanted to be intimate in anyway. I blamed myself as I got so big. He eventually left me , on my birthday, for another woman when daughter was 3.
I have been with my new man for 8 years and he would love to have a child with me but my previous pregnancy and what happened still haunt me. Also the labour lasted for 22 hours and that has put me off loads.
We are okish financially but I would have to give up my job for maternity and my parents have moved away so I don't have their support.
God it's a nightmare. I don't know if I'm pregnant or not as I haven't done a test I just think I needed to vent.
Anyone?
Also I think I'm too old as I was 25 when I had my daughter. No offence to anyone who is 39 smile
Help!

saskia80 Tue 15-May-12 20:42:56

Found this thread while googling pregnant and scared. Can't quite believe this is real at the moment. Have been with the my partner a year and blissfully happy, though it has always been complicated as he already has 3 children and was going through a messy divorce which finally ended last week. In the past I had always been unsure whether I wanted to be a Mum but recently started to feel I wanted one. We didn't 'try' though stopped preventing for the last month or so but I had been told for years that I may have difficulty concieving and was never ovulating when doctors tested it so I convinced myself it wouldn't happen. Then last week i had a 'weird' period, starting bleeding then stopping by midday for about 5 days running. Did a test on Sunday thinking it would rule out being pregnant but guess what.... Was shocked to start with then started to feel happy but by the end of the day and since I have been a complete mess. Sobbing uncontrollably then having calm moments where I think get on with it now it's happened, be glad. My partner seemed happy but I was paranoid that was just for my sake as he agreed it is bad timing as we don't live together yet (advice from out solicitor due to divorce) & his home is under threat due to the divorce settlement and debts his wife left. Went to the doctors today and felt overwhelmed when she started to refer to midwives etc & blurted out I wanted to know about other options so she has arranged pre termination checks in case I can't go on. Feel like the lowest of the low, when we left the doctors my partner said he was excited but now he wonders whether we should terminate as he has never seen me so miserable. I felt weirdly calmer after knowing at least I had the option to stop this if I choose to and started to feel happy but as the day has gone on I'm back to panicking. I like the idea of the baby at the end but pregnancy has always freaked me out & I struggle to watch anything like one born every minute as stupid as it sounds it all looks unnatural to me. Scared it will ruin our relationship as we have lots of pressure on us without this & issues over discipline with his 3 kids. We barely have any time alone maybe one evening if we're lucky and the odd afternoon here or there and with waiting so long for his divorce I fianlly felt we were going to have some time just about us but feel like that's lost now. Can't stop shaking and my heart is racing all the time with nerves of it all sad

scooby0412 Thu 07-Jun-12 16:55:55

this thread has been really amazing. I would love to just meet up with all of you where I could just share my worries without being judged.

scooby0412 Thu 07-Jun-12 16:59:15

i am considering starting a family with my husband but feel very scared and anxious. Is this normal and will I always feel like this ? I worry how I'll cope with pregnancy, the birth, sleepless nights and lack of freedom ................

EmilyD2012 Thu 07-Jun-12 17:06:35

It's totally normal, please don't feel terrible! It came in phases with me, I was completely terrified at the start and kept panicking about whether or not I'd be able to cope. It settled down at around 16 weeks as I got used to my changing shape, and by the 20 week scan I was more excited than ever. At 38 weeks the fear came back and I went through the whole 'omg this is too huge' thing again. Now, at 39+6, I am desperate to get started - I'm sure its the anticipation / fear of the unknown that makes it frightening!

beannachd Sun 15-Jul-12 19:59:39

Hi there,

I was on this thread last year about my pregnancy experience. I was definitely not the only one feeling terrified, tearful, horrible etc. That was a massive comfort to me. I have been wondering how everyone is now? Did things change? Get better, worse? I thought I'd give you an update on my story, then maybe some of you can add yours too?

A few weeks after my post, I ended up in hospital as I actually had an ectopic pregnancy. At the time, I didn't feel any emotion. I thought I was fine. I had my own room in the hospital, was quite happy eating toast, ( my op had to be postponed as it was Easter and short staffed! )

The only time I felt emotion was when I should have been due. I started a new job for an online well known retailer. I used to get upset and angry when women would call and complain their baby clothes were taking too long to arrive. I wanted to scream - at least you have a baby!!. There was a huge baby boom
In my close circle of friends, one woman, and my partners brothers girlfriend called their daughters the name I had my heart set on calling
any daughter of mine. That was a massive blow too, and still don't speak to one of them because of it. Immature I know, but I was so upset. Then one of my other friends got pregnant straight away at 40 and morbidly obese!

Anyway all of that made ne feel awful and excluded, as it was all baby talk. Finally after over a year, I got a positive result on Saturday last week. I felt none of the emotion I did last year. I don't think I have it in me anymore! I cried myself dry. I go for my scan on the 23rd, and am very excited. So far so good anyway.

I realise this is long winded, but really wanted to update you. I'd love to here how everyone else is. Apart from looking you all up
Individually which might be a bit time consuming!

Hope all is well.
Lots of love x

LPE68 Mon 23-Jul-12 13:14:30

Just found this thread and am so relieved I have. After two failed attempts at IVF with donor eggs we found out on Thursday that I am pregnant on the third and last attempt. I am 44 and after 7 years I thought this was what I really wanted, so can't understand why I am so scared and waking up terrified. My poor husband is completely bewildered and I hate the fact that my reaction is upsetting him. I have to start a new job next week and now I am full of fear about managing this and wondering if I've done the right thing getting pregnant. Feel so selfish as I know many, many women would be so happy to have got the news we did last week. I thought I would be too!

Things aren't helped by my two step daughters reactions, which has not been good and is upsetting my husband even more. They are 14 and 17.

Am I going insane to fell this terrified and confused?!

Saretta Mon 23-Jul-12 16:11:31

LPE68, I don't think that what you are feeling is abnormal. I am nearly 38 and 6 weeks pregnant for the first time. It took about 9 months for me to get pregnant, after taking clomid and to be honest I was beginning to think it may just not happen for us. This baby is very much wanted and planned, first for us both, but I still feel in shock that I am pregnant. When I got the positive result, I think I was in shock, I just felt quite numb rather than elated, even though we were (are) thrilled!

I think that when it takes some time to get pregnant, we get used to the idea of it not happening, even though we want it to. When it finally does happen, it is just such a shock...and so final! All the theoretical thoughts and discussions on having a child, what to call it, how to raise it are suddenly real.

As much as I am thrilled AND a little bit terrified, I am also scared that something will go wrong. It's still such early days, so am just trying to ignore all these conflicting emotions, take care of myself and fingers crossed all will be well. Whilst I used to be nervous in the 2ww, symptom spot etc, I never thought I would still feel this way once pregnant - I thought once I had managed to get pregnant that would be it, nerves and worrying over! Ha, how wrong was I...

Ignore your stepdaughters' reactions for now, they are probably just surprised, maybe not wanting to share dad's attention or just grossed out by the idea that a baby means their father is having sex! I am sure once the baby arrives they will be thrilled by their new little sibling.

Mrsb999 Mon 23-Jul-12 18:21:33

NellyE I too have just found out I'm pregnant (3 weeks) and we started trying 3 weeks ago! With me it hasn't actually sunk in yet, massive congratulations to you though x

Mrsb999 Mon 23-Jul-12 18:22:21

Ooops just noticed this is a really old thread!

Rubie44 Tue 24-Jul-12 22:37:24

Hi, LPE68 can I just say thank you for posting and to everyone else who has too. Our situations sound similar. I am also 44 and have conceived after 5 years of Ivf, this time with donor eggs from a frozen cycle. It was our last chance and i had come to terms emotionally with the strong possibility we would be childless. But it worked and i am now 9 months pregnant. Initially I was shocked but overjoyed, but as the weeks have gone on and the reality has sunk in- we've had two scans already and seen and heard strong heartbeat- I've started to feel more and more overwhelmed by it all. It's everything that others on here have said- fear about the future, how things will change, my ability to cope, loss of control over my body and my life, fears about my age and feeling that I've made a terrible mistake. I keep thinking the feelings will pass but i wake up feeling like this and i go to bed feeling like this. I feel ashamed and pathetic, especially because it is all i have talked and dreamt about for the last five years. Now that it has happened, I feel i should be overjoyed, not depressed and overwhelmed and panic stricken. I finally told my dh last night and although he's extremely supportive and loving, I know he's at a loss to know what to say to me. I've decided to go to see my gp tomorrow and see if she can offer any advice or help. I want to talk to my sister and to friends but feel they won't understand. It has helped hugely to see that i am not entirely alone in feeling like this. Thank you for posting LPE68 and i hope we both feel better soon- I know what the Ivf journey takes out of you and how big a decision it is to opt for donor eggs- we deserve now to be able to enjoy these days so hard won. Please feel free to keep in touch if you feel it would help :-)

Rubie44 Tue 24-Jul-12 22:41:47

Sorry, just reread my post - am 9 weeks, not 9 months pregnant- actually made me smile to see the mistake, something i haven't been doing too much of- pregnancy brain :-D

Gingerelle Thu 26-Jul-12 03:59:03

Hi all, I posted on here back in dec 2011 when I was absolutely terrified about being pregnant. I just wanted to reassure anyone else coming across this post that things really do get better. Me and dp were so scared and although it's still nerve wracking we are now 37 weeks preg and v looking forward to meeting our little one. I never thought I would get to this point or feel this way, but it really just needed a bit of time. Good luck everyone xx

beannachd Sun 29-Jul-12 17:49:41

Sorry! It was me who bumped the thread back up smile I must be about 6 weeks gone now, and the old feelings if being utterly terrified of being pregnant are starting to emerge again. It's good to read posts from people feeling similar who understand, and ones who have felt like this before and are now feeling better.

It's just so overwhelming!

Bluestarlady Sat 04-Aug-12 06:10:00

Like many others I can only say THANKS SO Much for this post and for everyone who has replied. I feel a little more normal now and have copied and pasted some of the comments for future reference so I can re-read again.

I am nearly 37 and have been with my fiance in a very happy and secure relationship for 3 years. I found out a week ago that I am pregnant (now 7 weeks) and I have been in shock ever since I did the test and have been struggling to cope with the flood of emotions and list of things I am scared about (I thought it might be useful to write down what I was feeling scared about and filled a whole side of A4!)

We had been TTC for a few months (checking temperature, peeing on sticks) but the positive result was a shock as I had been told about 5 year ago that there was a 90% chance I would need fertility help. It has been a big shock for me to have my life literally change overnight.

We haven't told anyone apart from the gp and yoga instructor and I am finding this really hard too. My mum was a midwife before she retired but DP thinks it would be unfair to tell her and not his mum as he can't trust her to keep it a secret. I am 24hrs a day with morning sickness and feeling rotten which I am sure is not helping.

It has been great to read that I am not alone in how I am feeling.

:-)

beannachd Mon 06-Aug-12 22:25:00

One of the things that I've found hard is that the few books I gave read, all show these happy coupley scenes when there is a positive pregnancy result. There are words I absolutely did not feel personally, such as 'joy' 'delight' 'excitement'. Infact, I think lots of women don't feel these emotions straight away. I do feel bad for not jumping with joy. But I'm not. I'm scared, I have no idea what to expect, I have mo experience with babies.

It's not to say that I have regrets, that I don't want this, or I'll be a bad parent because of this. Personally, I have no symptoms at all. Lucky I know ( although I'm only 7 or 8 weeks! ) I sometimes forget I'm pregnant! Maybe this is part of it. But remember 9 months is a loooooong time to get used to things. Some people react in different ways, and that's ok. When I had my first ante natal appointment last week, there was an emphasis on how I was feeling mentally about it. There is help out there if required, so that tells me it must be more common than you think.

Pregnancy, parenting is life changing. There's no getting away from that. This is my first baby, and I have no clue how parenthood will be. That's the scary thing. But I'm sure you pick it up pretty quickly! And get to know everything about your baby.

Anyway, give yourself time. There is no right or wrong way to feel at the moment, I'm not letting it occupy my every thought, as it's just so early. I'm keeping healthy, taking folic acid etc. But not planning too far ahead or even thinking of buying stuff yet. Plenty of time at the moment. just take it bit by bit, and don't be afraid to speak to your midwife. Even make an early appointment if necessary ( I had to do that with my last pregnancy )

You're def not alone.
Xx

AF77 Tue 05-Feb-13 12:07:38

I know this is an old thread but I'm hoping others out there will reassure me that I'm not going mad!! I'm 7 weeks pregnant with #1 and happily married. I've suffered from anxiety attacks from being 'out of control' in a variety of situations for many years and have taken very mild medication to help.

Whilst I (we) really really want a baby and have always said we'll try as soon as we got married (5mths ago), now it is happening I am panicking and becoming anxious. I want a baby but I don't want to be pregnant - don't laugh, I know one comes with the other!! I am so anxious about not being in control of my body and how I physically feel, I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next 9mths.

We're very happy and long for the 9mths to go quickly, but I keep crying, feeling sick (through anxiety and nerves rather than morning sickness) and am hoping that others can relate. I'm not anxious about whether we're doing the right thing or anything like that, it is purely the being pregnant bit that I'm dreading and I want it to be over already. sad

EggyM Tue 05-Feb-13 12:27:04

Just seen that this thread has been resurrected. I actually wrote on this thread over a year ago under a different name as I was pregnant with a planned baby but was suddenly totally terrified about how I would cope. However my pregnancy actually ended in a suspected ectopic and spontaneous miscarriage, resulting in me later having to have a fallopian tube removed and possibly the worst year of my life. I can safely say that put everything into perspective and I realised then that I really did want that baby more than anything despite the worries.

I actually felt horribly guilty afterwards for writing on this thread. (Not that I'm saying this is how you should feel - just how I felt afterwards)

I am now thankfully pregnant again (and have made it to 15 weeks smile ) and realised I have had a lot of the same worries again - it's a massive change and a massive responsibility and hormones are going crazy and making you cry and worry about everything anyway. BUT I am nowhere near as scared as I was last time - I know this is the thing I most want and I am so grateful and happy that I am here again.

There are always going to be worries about your body, the baby, your life after baby, but I think that is only natural and you need to just take a step back and think about why you wanted to do this in the first place and focus on that.

Gingerbreadpixie Tue 05-Feb-13 13:56:41

I could have written the original post here too. I got pg first try, found out at 3 weeks or something ridiculously early like that and went into complete shock.

AF77 I too suffer from bad anxiety and have developed what my doctor believes is OCD with the pg too. Lots of worrying, intrusive thoughts. Feeling v out of control and fearful of "contaminating" the pregnancy. I've been off work for 3 weeks already and only just starting to feel a bit calmer and a bit more rational. I'm 10 weeks now. Have you considered talking about stronger meds with your GP? I'm personally trying to do this without meds but if it takes a turn for the worse I wouldn't hesitate.

AF77 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:43:57

Hi, I went back to my GP the day after writing on here and she put me straight back on my medication full time (I'd previously reduced it about 6mths ago). There is no known risk to the baby and she advised that right now, sorting me out is a priority.

We're only 9wks but I have told a few friends who know about my anxiety and panic attacks and I have to say doing both of these things is really helping. I'm sure everything I am feeling is 'normal' and just heightened by my already existing anxiety condition.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the next 7mths but right now I've got a much more positive outlook. I'm taking each day as it comes and when I have a 'wobble' I know I have people around me who might not fully understand but they know how to calm me down.

Thanks for your kind words and look forward to hearing how you get on.

xx

DanniiH Fri 15-Feb-13 11:56:37

With my 1st I had a 3rd day freak out! We planned it and conceived right away, were all excited then on the 3rd day of knowing I just cried and thought what the hell have I done! After that I was fine again. It is justs because you know life will change but trust me it changes for the better. I bet you just need a few days to get your head around it.

Congratulations on your amazing news!!! x

Stresshead34 Fri 15-Feb-13 18:08:03

NellyE, I feel exactly the same. I am also 34 and found out at last week, I am nearly 5 weeks!!! Even though DH and I were trying, it happened first time. I think I have gone into shock and feel a little (alot) overwhelmed by the whole thing as I didn't think it would happen straight away!!!! I am sooo scared!!! So thanks for posting this and thanks for the comments!! My DH is soooo excited!!! Whilst I am trying to read up on everything - there is sooo much to do/know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!

Kasey12 Wed 20-Feb-13 18:05:07

I also wrote on here previously. I've changed my name though. I have less than a month to go and I'm still terrified. Everyone around me is so excited and waiting with baited breath. Sometimes I get so scared that I wish I could make it all disappear. I'm scared of labour, I'm tired of hearing how awful the sleepless nights are. I got a link to this 'humorous' advert which was a lady rapping about her kids and how hard it was ( I think it was for a car ). I panicked so much, I just deleted it and cried.

I have never been excited about being pregnant, and I'm
annoyed that everyone I've confided in tells me it's all hormones. I'm so scared. I hope it all falls into place when the baby arrives.

Vangirl79 Wed 20-Mar-13 19:28:22

Almost every post could have been written by me. 2 years ago or now. Us there anyone lurking on this thread? I'm so glad I found it. Ive read about prenatal depression before but this thread is amazing (not that we feel this way, but to know we are not alone). I find out on a week if I'm pregnant and I hope I'm not...even though we tried for it. 2 years ago I was preg (wanted) and got so terrified I terminated. Now I want to try again and the same feelings are popping up. Is this how I truly feel?? Maybe motherhood is not for me.

simmi75 Mon 29-Apr-13 17:37:31

hello all, I am too thankful for this thread. A long complicated history - I am 37 and pregnant (maybe 3.5 weeks). I have always wanted a child, but its my partner that I have never been sure about (although we have been together 5 years....). I am of a traditional mindset and if I have this baby, i will have to marry him. I am torn. the idea of being stuck with him for rest of my life is horrifying, he is an OK guy but I think i could have done so much better...I need help, please...

pregnancy itself doesnt scare me. its the idea of being with that man for the rest of my life, the idea of being STUCK. having a dependent child, loosing freedom and perhaps its also my fear of growing up...

RedRobin1 Tue 14-May-13 17:20:26

I am so glad to have found this thread. I am 5+3 and we have been trying for this baby for almost a year. Very much planned and wanted. But since the day I found out, I have been overwhelmed with shock, fear and anxiety. I haven't looked at any baby shopping websites (which I used to regularly look at when I was broody)

My parents and sister are so excited but their excitement is making me more nervous and anxious. I don't know why I feel this way. For a whole year while trying I used to imagine the day I would get a BFP and how happy I would be. But now with the sickness kicking in - I feel so rough and don't even want to plan ahead.

I am scared whether I will be a good parent - how will I cope with being a mum, how will I cope in a very stressful and demanding job while being pregnant. I just feel so scared and anxious. I wake up feeling so unhappy, tired and rough.

I want this baby so bad I don't understand why I am feeling this way. I can only hope it's not going to last for long. I haven't shared my worries with DH as not sure if he will understand.

jewelz74 Thu 16-May-13 07:16:02

I am 39 and just found out that I am pregnant. This will be my first child. Like almost everyone here, I found this thread doing a search for "pregnant and scared". I have been wanting to have a baby for awhile and have finally found the right partner to have one with. I for some years thought it would never happen for me and was prepared for the notion. Now here I am. I am a little excited but not as much as those around me. I feel bad about that and it is because I am more terrified. I haven't talked about it much and the more it is brought up by others, the more scared I get. I thought containing it would keep me calm. My partner and I told our families and a few of my friends know. My partner is so excited that he announced it to all his friends on fb. I on the other hand have not because I am trying to wrap my head around it still (just found out this past friday). I am also prone to anxiety anddepression but wondered also if this whas just normal for expecting your first. What should I do from here? I am 4 weeks along or so. Thanks!

kc85 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:49:27

I too googled "Pregnant & scared", Im 28 and always wanted to be a mum, i love my nieces and nephews to death and everyone tells me id make a brilliant mother! However 2 years ago i found out i was pregnant and when the reality kicked in i was petrified, ive always suffered with anxiety and depression and so i terminated! Now Im 5 weeks, but unlike so many of the previous comments i have no husband or OH, im alone! The panick, anxiety have all kicked in again, i feel completely unmaternal and ashamed! The termination last time was horrific but all i can think about is how much i want my life back! Ive always been a "free spirit" travelled alot and i feel like ill never have that freedom again! Im so lost.

newtoallthis1974 Thu 24-Apr-14 17:08:04

i know its an old thread, but like many here i googled "pregnant and scared" and found this. The repsonses here have helped me, particularly the over 35s... i'm 39 and we'd been trying for a year, mainly because we wanted to have "at least tried" before i got too old... could never get my other half to commit before then. thing is, now we're pregnant (found out 3 days ago, at 5 weeks) he is delighted and i am absolutely terrified. Totally. Crying all the time. Full of can i do this can i cope, should i not even have it (which swings fully into of course i have to we were trying for it, how can i not), i'm totally scared of all of it, the life change, the doctors, the responsibility, everything - i can't cope, or so it feels. We have no friends, just my family - none of whom have had kids or want them (apart from my mum obviously! but at the mo she keeps telling me maybe i cant manage), neither me nor my partner had ever known any kids since we were kids ourselves (and the 70s and 80s are a long time ago!). I'm terrified, i feel like why did we do this, can i do this? Can i cope? We're loving people and he tells me just the way i am with the cats shows me i'll be a good parent - which sounds ridiculous in this context! I'm terrified. When he's out at work all day it's all down to me, ME. Shy useless me.
Maybe the hormones settle down... maybe.. but i worry i'll feel like this all the way through til it's born and it looks up at me burps and smiles (and poos)

Thurlow Thu 24-Apr-14 17:18:49

Hi new - people don't tend to read zombie threads all the time, you might be best starting your own thread on pregnancy or chat?

Congratulations - and it is fine to be terrified. Most of us were!

But do start a new thread, then you'll have more freedom to talk about the specific things that are scaring you x

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