prenatal depression advice

[stareyes76]

hello im looking for some help and advice. i think i have prenatal depession. im off to the doctors tomorrow. im crying 24/7 and feeling really low. i just want some advice really. im scared the doctor will give me tablets or something which im worried about taking as i don't wanna hurt my baby. feeling like a bit of a failure. im a first time mum to be who has had lots of blood loss at the begining but they couldn't find a reason.
i would be greatful for any advice or support people could offer.

cheers guys.

[needahand]

Hi staeye. Can't give you any advice but didn't you to be ignored. Going to the doctor is the right thing to do. I had prenatal depression with DD too and was referred to have counselling. Don't beat yourself about it, you are not a failure, it just happens sometimes. If you had bloss loss at the beginning do you know if you iron levels are ok?

[muuuum1983]

Hey chick, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I have had high and low points during my pregnancy. I'm a 1st timer too. Your hormones go wild when ur pregnant. I was really horrible to my hubby for a few weeks about a month back, then kept crying becuase I knew I was being horrible. Your body goes through a lot as does your mind, as there's so much change going on in your life.
Your not a failure, your human. x

[stareyes76]

thanks needahand.
they said my levels were fine. im just so scared of goin to the doctor tomorrow. i have to bring my husband with me as otherwise ill pretent im fine. i just don't wanna get out of bed really. im on these sites just to ask advice really as its easier as people don't know me. i don't have any support from my side of the family and if i do talk to my sister who is 3 years older than me she just tells me im doing everything wrong. such as my stretch marks are because iv not been looking after myself. ahhhhh. or i should be able to do this. im not allowed to do that, or even that i know nothing about children.
and i feel bad about talking to my husbands side. sorry just feeling so low don't wanna complain but i just don't know what to do with myself.

thanks for repling

[stareyes76]

hey muuuum1983 the thing is i don't have the high points i just cry and cry and cry. i feel awful just don't wanna do anything.

now i feel guilty about putting my problems out there

[muuuum1983]

Don't feel guilty, your sister sounds a bit insecure herself to have to say things to you! I wouldn't want her advice, it's not supportive. I have stretch marks and I've been eating healthy and bio-oiling daily, so she is wrong.

Truth be known, I haven't got a clue about children either and I'm having one in the next few weeks! I worry about it, but I want to protect my little one and do the best I can for them. That's all I plan to do and hopefully it'll work out. x

As you sound quite worried bout everything, it shows you care. A caring person like you would make an excellent mum. Have a chat with your doc, tell them you don't want tablets and they might be able to point you in the right direction for some counselling or support groups.
Every pregnancy is different, I hope you feel better soon. x

[stareyes76]

thanks thats really sweet. im not scared about the child yet just the labour. worried about the pain and ohhhh yeah stupidly worried about dying in labour. let me know how it all goes when you have your little guy/girl. thanks for teh advice. just scary.

[abitpearshaped]

You sound very low. I'm sorry you feel so sad, but the first thing you need to do is to stop feeling guilty and as if you are a burden. You have done nothing wrong, you are not to blame.
PLEASE tell the doctor how you feel. If you feel you can't put it into words in the surgery, write down how you feel beforehand, or print off what you have put on here.
Depression during pregnancy is more common than people think. Medication can be given, usually they prefer you to be past the 3 month mark. Medical testing for the safety of antidepressants cannot be carried out on pregnant women due to the ethics, but there is substantial anecdotal evidence to show very few babies suffer any side effects.
Depression is a serious illness, it is more than a few hormonal moments. Please don't be so hard on yourself. If you had diabetes, you would take insulin, right?
Some people manage with counselling, they may be able to offer you this, but usually on the NHS availability is very patchy and can have long waiting lists.
I know you feel hopeless at the moment, but many of us have been there, and know that eventually it gets better, and there is no shame in getting help.

[stareyes76]

its a good tip about writing it down first. thanks. i just signed up to this iste on advise from the depression in pregnancy website thing and everyone has been so nice. i just really feel like im on the end of my tether. its horrible.

thanks guys and i will let you know what the doctor says sfter iv been. i just can't wait to see my husband when he comes home tomorrow.

and after the advice from you lot iv actually managed to get up and walk the dog im back in my pjs on the sofa agin now but im very proud i managed to get him out even if i did cry all the way. but I DID IT

[tinylion]

Honestly don't worry about it. There is lots of medication that you can take during pregnancy. I'm on a low dose of anti-ds for anxiety and I took them all through my last pregnancy (and had very normal bouncing baby girl) and told the dr flat that I was NOT going to come off them this time. He was absolutely fine with it all. And pregnancy can make you really really low - it doesnt label you as "depressive" or anything. It is FAR more common than you think...HONEST!!

good luck and hugs
xx

[stareyes76]

i am kinda scared the doctor will say its normal or something. this is not normal. also im scared the dr will sign me off and work will not let me leave the house (well if im seen it will look bad on me). the only time i really feel normal is swimming as it allows me to move around and stuff without the risk of me falling. sounds stupid i know but it makes me feel good to be close to my husband and play fight etc.

thanks again.

[Comma2]

Hi,

I had the same thing (including unsupportive family, geez), about 4 weeks of crying and not getting out of bed, house all dark etc....horrible. I couldn't get an appointment, and was anyway scared of drugs etc, just like you. It actually got better by itself, still feel bad, but not like bad depression. Also, my doctor said there aren't great meds, the ones that help do have risks and better to wait after birth. I did feel a bit brushed off, but he is one of the best, must have come across this many times and I trust him. Maybe if I wouldn't have felt better already but broken down crying, he would have said somehting different, too.
Def tell the doc, if nothing else they will montor more closely for postnatal depression.
And don't feel guilty about it all...take your time, for me it got better by and by.

[LSEE]

I have suffered from depression before and always knew I was at higher risk of pre/post-natal depression. I am 20 weeks and have been diagnosed with pre-natal depression. Having taken anti-depressants before there is no way I would consider doing so again and fortunately my doctor is supportive of that. There is lots you can do to help yourself without taking medication. I think the best advice I have ever had is be kind to yourself - don't feel guilty, don't feel bad, just feel proud of yourself for the small things you manage. And please don't let anyone else make you feel guilty about anything - I had that from a family member for years and it really didn't help. If you enjoy swimming, make time for that and enjoy it - exercise is brilliant if you for despressive illness if you can manage it because it releases endorphins which lift your mood. There are particular foods and things you can eat to help your moods and if there is any way you can get any kind of therapy (I know from experience that the NHS is absolutely rubbish at providing it) then go for it, it can make such a difference. Really small things like setting yourself small, realistic goals for every day and never looking beyond that can be really helpful. And remember that just because depression isn't a physical illness doesn't make it any less valid - if you had swine flu you wouldn't be expecting yourself to manage all these things and if you are depressed it is no different.

I'd recommend this from Depression Alliance on depression in pregnancy www.depressionalliance.org/publications/da_pregnancy.pdf and also I have found Sally Brampton's advice really useful - she writes a column in the Sunday Times and has written a book called Shoot the Damn Dog which contains practical advice for dealing with depression.
I would say, having suffered from depression for several years myself and in spite of my desire to avoid medication, that sometimes when you are really ill to the point where you can't function and are beyond self-help (which I have been), the drugs will level things off and bring you to a point where you can see a glimmer of hope, however small, and start to recover. You do need to see a doctor you can trust and you must be honest with them, so you and they can make the decision about whether you are at that point. Depression is so misunderstood but it can be dealt with and I hope that you get some help from your doctor.

[Bexybear]

stareyes

good luck tomorrow glad your DH is going with you- really felt for you reading your posts -I had postnd but unlike you didnt get myself to a gp until after i had the full breakdown (not good). A good GP will not sign you off work if you dont want to be or stop you swimming. They are there to try and help you through this. Drugs are not necessarily a bad thing (wish id had the drugs not the breakdown) but getting some CBT (councelling) would also be good if they have it available (ask if its not offered).

As abitpearshaped said print this post or write down all things you are worried about and remember to actually read it while you are in the GPs office or give it to him/her or DH to read. Also write down the GPs answers (or get DH to do it)if you can. If it was me i'd probably just be balling all the way through the appointment but thats fine too - kindof get the point across fairly quickly!)

let us know how it goes. If your GP is rubbish and unsympathetic give me details and i'll go round there and erm
give him/her a piece of my mind...

[stareyes76]

doctor is at 5 today. Im getting scared. Very worried. X

[westlondongirl]

Hi Stareyes76. I'm so sorry to read how terrible you've been feeling. You are doing the right thing going to the doctor and you really must tell them how you feel. Depression is very hard to deal with - I have suffered myself and I know how hard it is to seek help. What you are doing by going swimming and taking the dog for a walk is really good. Little things like that will make you feel a bit better. Even if you only leave the house for a short walk you should be really proud of yourself. I really hope the doctor can help you out. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor everything and to cry if you want - they are there to help. Sending you a massive hug and please let us know how you get on. I used to find that when I was really down writing a diary helped. I would then try and do a little more each day eg: a walk or go to the shop. I would rate my mood each day and when I read back over it I could see that slowly I was doing more and feeling a bit better. Plus it helped to vent all the sadness I was feeling that I couldn't talk about.

[colditz]

Tablets won't hurt your baby. Take what the doctor gives you.

Get as much sleep as humanly possible

[needahand]

Hi Staryeye I hope the doctor goes well today. I thought I would mention something else. For my DS I did an hypnobirthing course mongan method but there are a lot of others out there like natal hypnotherapy. Perhaps you should give it a go. Don't know if it would help for the depression but it probably would for the fear of labour, dying etc.. and may also give you the impression you are taking some control back...

Let us know how you get on today

[stareyes76]

ok i have been diagnosed with prenatal reactive depression.. i have to go back on thursday to the doctor.
i wrote down everything i felt and took it with me. the doctor wants to put me on citalopram. PLEASE DON'T SCARE ME, im thinking of taking them. i read older posts about people on them and they say they are fine. he has also given me a phone number and a few websites and group things. i don't want to do the group thing but the websites ill look at later.
thanks for all your support.

[stareyes76]

oh and iv been signed off work for 2 weeks.

[Bexybear]

hi stareye

good to get a diagnosis. How do you feel about it all? Was the GP sympathetic? why do you have to go back? no chance of getting on a waiting list for CBT? I can imagine the groups dont sound like a good idea at the mo though when things start to improve it might be good to talk to other women going through the same thing.

Hope you are feeling ok

[Bexybear]

How do you feel about being signed off work? is that what you wanted?

[stareyes76]

im ummmmm i don't know to be honest how i feel, happier that i went, thats its not just me. i have to go back with a decision about the tablets. my husband and i are talking about it. i can apply to do it but waiting lists are way long apparently. ill consider the group thing at a later date tho. they have given my online CBT. mood gyn and living life to the full.
i cried all the way through the appointment tho. think it kinda got the point across as well. dr was really nice. really good.

[stareyes76]

im better off work as i can't cope with the idea at the min.

[Bexybear]

Sounds positive and like you have some options and good to get signed off if you wernt coping.

good also to have time to think about the drugs.

With the CBT i had to wait 6 months but actually by the time i had it i was much better able to cope with it and learn from it than i thnk i would have been when i first went to the docs - you could always put your name down becuase you can easily turn down the place.(I found it was very helpful in a long term way that the drugs are not)

Anyway look after yourself and good luck with all the online stuff

[GrendelsMum]

If it's any help at all, I was diagnosed with depression (not during pregnancy) and was prescribed Citalopram and it was WONDERFUL! It was like having a lightbulb switched on in my head straight away - although apparently it usually takes a couple of weeks to really work. Honestly, give it a try - I was equally dubious about it, and I know it doesn't work as well for everyone, but it didn't change my personality at all, just put me back to my 'normal' self again - if anything, for a couple of weeks I was much more confident and outspoken than I usually am (sadly that seemed to wear off). I didn't have any side effects.

I'd really recommend the online CBT as well - it's supposed to be extremely effective. It may seem stupid, but it does seem to work.