Help me think of a clever come back

[Pinkjenny]

I am the HR Manager and shouldn't really be advocating arsy behaviour, but anyway...

I am 20 weeks pg, there are two other women at work who are also pg, one is just a week ahead of me, and she is expecting twins. She is very petite and slender, and only has the beginning of a bump really.

I have never been petite or slender, but am not exactly a heffer either. I am however, putting on weight with this pg at a rate of knots. She seems to have decided that I am the person that she will use to feel better about her own weight gain, and every time I see her she comments on how big I am. This is her first pg, it is my second.

Yesterday I was talking to the receptionist who has been away for a week, and she was remarking how my bump seemed to have slowed down a bit. Said pg lady immediately commented, "It's just because she's wearing black, she looked huge yesterday."

At the moment I am smiling sweetly, but it is really starting to get on my nerves. What can I say to her to shut her up? Or will I just have to be the bigger person and continue to smile through gritted teeth?

[LoveBeingAMummy]

Not sure anuthing i can think of would be the right side of the line for work

[Pinkjenny]

Ha ha, me neither LoveBeingAMummy!

[BenignNeglect]

Tell her that second pregnancies usually have lots of growth at the start, and that
the damage done by twins will be far worse that anything you will be left with...

[Sheeta]

Just tell her not to be so smug.. it's not like she's going to be slender and petite for much longer!

[Pinkjenny]

I really don't want to be mean, but she is getting right on my last nerve. We were having loads of lovely chats about being pg to start with, but now I am avoiding her like the plague.

[scarlotti]

Start up a conversation about pg people seeming to become the property of the world - people thinking they can just touch you at will or that it's acceptable to comment on your size etc. Say how it always amazes you as people would never do such things to non-pg people.

If she doesn't take the hint from that, then start to muse about when her bump will overtake yours in that kind of 'it's inevitable as you have twins so I wonder when it will start' sort of way.

Ruddy cheek. I fully understand, am 28 weeks and get lots of 'ooh, look at the size of you' type comments. Nope, am not a heffer either but with this being my 3rd I probably have no stomach muscles left either!

[Journey]

The comment that you looked huge yesterday was just nasty. If she says something like that again I would say to her "well let's hope your twins don't inherit your personality trait of putting people down. Imagine having to cope with two of you!"

[BlueChampagne]

I can't think of a witty come-back, but to me she's not being very professional. Is there a 3rd party who can suggest to her that you might find her remarks hurtful?

She's carrying twins - why does she need any other reason to make herself feel better about weight gain!

Possibly not very professional either, but I suppose you could recount birth horror stories to put her in her place? After all, you've been there and she hasn't. However, if you manage to be a bigger person (pun not intentional ) then I salute you.

[blondieminx]

Like you said in your first post, you know why she's doing it - to try and make herself feel better about her own weight gain.

It won't be long before she gets enormous with her twins, so if you can bear it I'd rise above it and smile sweetly. Oh and every time she gets on your nerves just remember that come Christmas time she will be trying to juggle and cope with 2 babies (as a first timer) while you will only have one newborn to feed/change/settle and you have the experience from your first DC to draw on...!

[Pinkjenny]

Scarlotti - congrats on your 3rd pg! I despise the way that people seem to think you're fair game because you're pg. I have eaten like a complete pig, but I am still being sick, and anyway, I fail to see how it's anyone else's business.

Journey - it really hurt my feelings actually, stupidly.

BlueChampagne - I did spot the pun in my first post when I read it back! Not sure I'd want to make a huge deal out of it though and involve anyone else. She is quite a scathing person generally, quite blunt.

Blondieminx - that is what I am trying to think, and the way I am dealing with it at the moment trying to emphasise her lack of experience, which then makes me feel bad!

[blondieminx]

Well if you are thinking it rather than saying it out loud (unlike the blunt insensitive cowbag you have to work with...!) then you are dealing with it very well - and you are not being mean to think it, just logical!

The other girl is just making herself look bad and I'm sure other people will have noticed her nasty behaviour. Thank god it's Friday eh!

[magbags]

I would probably say "Don't get too smug, you've got this to look forward to and then some!!"

Also, "I know it's fantastic isn't it I much prefer to look properly pregnant rather than just that annoying chubby stage before the bump properly appears!!" What a cheeky cow she is!

[Pinkjenny]

Oooh I like that second one magbags!

I feel very mean spirited with this thread, but it's hard enough to watch yourself expanding without people pointing it out all the bloody time!

[Pinkjenny]

Oooh I like that second one magbags!

I feel very mean spirited with this thread, but it's hard enough to watch yourself expanding without people pointing it out all the bloody time!

[gonaenodaethat]

You'd only have to tell her to f**k off once...

I think the 'huge yesterday' statement deserved it.

[allaboutme]

perhaps just say something polite and not mean in the slightest so that you remain the beter person and she realises what a cow she is being..
next time she says a comment, just reply with 'ooh that was a bit nasty!' or 'ouch..wouldnt like to get on the wrong side of you!' and look surprised
she'll be guilted into saying sorry then and hopefully change her ways!

[Qally]

Smile. Nature has your revenge nicely cooking in her uterus, as she speaks - and two newborns crying in stereo surround sound is more punishment than anyone deserves, IMO.

Just think of the doubly disturbed nights and the size her stomch will be by the end, and grin. You could always save up a sympathetic "aww, and you were so slim..." for 35 weeks, if you're feeling evil then too.

[anniebigpants]

I totally sympathise with you pinkjenny. I work with predominantly women, and on the whole they are lovely, but the practice manager often as little digs at me, often said with a smile so i dont know wether she is being mean, or its just her sense of humour. The latest being, "My God, you havent half piled the weight on since last time i saw you", I just replied coolly "actually i havent put on weight, i still weigh the same i weighed last time i saw you before your holidays, but seeing as im now 24 weeks i would have been concerned if my bump hadnt grown in over 4 weeks!"
My nurse said to me afterwards-" What a cow, i cant believe the cheek of her, you should have said to her, im getting bigger cos im growing a baby, and what is your excuse fatty?"

[Kitsilano]

Is it possible she's paranoid about being too "small"? She might not be saying it to be mean - she might even be envious. I showed very little with both my pregnancies and got fed up of people remarking on how small my bump was. I would have been delighted if someone said I was looking huge!

Maybe she's just not putting herself in your sshoes?

[MrsBadger]

StayFrosty has it spot on IMO - I say 'Gosh, that was quite rude - was that how you meant it to come across?'

Nine times out of ten they blush and backtrack and look like ten types of tit and never do it again.

[Kitsilano]

To look at it another way - having a bump when you are pregnant is a GOOD thing - you are growing a baby! So take it as a compliment, as if someone had said "ooh you're looking really slim". And say something like "Yes, it's lovely isn't it!"

And if you REALLY think she's being rude and trying to get at you then perhaps add "aren't you worried at all about the babies growing properly?" Though that WOULD be mean.

[thedolly]

I always had such pride in my bumps - the bigger the better as far as I was concerned. Just try saying 'thanks' next time and rubbing it smugly

[Pinkjenny]

I will definitely try that. I'm not generally easily offended so she would be even more shocked to think that she had upset me.