38 weeks with DC2, absolutely dreading the first couple of months, please come and reassure me!!!!!!

[trixymalixy]

I had a horrible time after the birth of DS. Hallucinations, anxiety, unable to sleep even when DS sleeping, basically on the edge of PND.

So I'm dreading the first few weeks and months with DC2. Anyone got any positive stories/thoughts for me or is it going to be as bad as I fear?

[pippa251]

I have no experience of having a baby as i am 40+5 with dc1 but i do have experience of mental illness.

I suffered major annorexia until a couple of years ago and was petrified of it coming back if I ever got preg etc- as weight gain etc then post natal
however, what I have found- so far so good- is that due to my experience I value my mental health and can recognise when I need help- when I'm having a bad day I make myself talk to DP instead of falling back into the mental illness.
If you have experience of it and you have come out of the other side then you are a lot stronger than most- you should see your experience last time as an asset.

Think of it like this- if you were going to go to war as a soilder- would you want to go with someone who had been there and seen no trouble or would you like to go there with someone who had experienced bad stuff and survived?

i hope this makes sense

[trixymalixy]

Thanks for that Pippa, that does make sense and does help.

I'm hoping that now i know what i'm letting myself in for i can cope better with it this time round.

[Wheelybug]

I don't have experience of PND but my dd2 is 4 months so have come through the first few months. All I can say is it goes very quickly with no. 2. I remember thinking, when dd2 was born, the 'magical' 6 and 12 weeks were aeons away and suddenly she is 18 weeks and I'm slightly sad her babyhood is disappearing.

You'll know what to look ou for this time with the PND and second time round its less stressful as you have more idea of what you're doing !

Good luck - hope all goes well.

[greenbeanie]

So sorry you are dreading the first few weeks, although I can understand why. The good thing is that hopefully you will recognise any symptoms sooner rather than later if they start again and perhaps seek some help. It might be worth thinking about things that might help for example what support you can enlist. For example does it help to have someone help with housework or could your dp give you an hour or twos break to go for a walk or get out of the house.

Like Wheelybug said the time does pass much more quickly with 2 and every day is a day closer to that6 month age when they are a little more independent and can sit in a highchair or sit on the floor and play with toys. It does get easier and there is support available just use whatever you can to get through those intense few days and weeks.

[trixymalixy]

I'm having a homebirth this time as I think I would have coped much better had they not made me stay in hospital for 2 nights after the birth for no reason.

I basically had no sleep for 3 days as I was in labour all night the first night then the 2 nights in hospital I got no sleep because of the other babies and people coming in and out.

At least at home I won't be disturbed and can sleep when the baby sleeps and hopefully start off on a better footing this time.

[shonaspurtle]

Not speaking from experience obv, but the one thing that everyone I know who has more than one has said was that they were way more relaxed and laid back next time around.

I think you're so shell-shocked that even if everything is perfect you're still on edge because it's all new and you don't know what to expect.

I had the same experience in hospital. I naively thought that it would be a good thing to be there as long as possible given that I had no experience of babies. The reality was that dh left at 9pm and I was alone with ds watching the dawn break completely alone except for the other crying babies! Not the best start...

Good luck with your homebirth. I would be very tempted to do that the next time around.

[silkcushion]

Trixy

Your first birth experience sounds like mine. Lost a night's sleep then kept in hospital for 4 days and still no bloody sleep - not a good start.

Dd1 is now 20months and I had dd2 4 weeks ago - homebirth. What a difference the hb made!! Felt a million times better than before.

Strange thing with dd2 is that I don't have the same fear/paranoia that something will happen to her. With dd1 I constantly thought she'd stop breathing at night (for months really if I'm honest). This time if dd2 sleeps at night I'm out like a light. Not sure if I'm a more confident mum or you just have less time to worry/self obsess cos of othe children to consider.

Congratulations on your pending arrival. You'll be fine

[MustHaveaVeryShortMemory]

Trixy I feel very similar to what you describe. Just remembering those first few weeks makes me feel really anxious.

Reading the last post from silkcushion makes me feel a lot better.

Also I know that its going to be so different this time round in loads of other ways so I just hope the feeling that I'm losing it will also be very different or much milder.

Telling myself that it will eventually pass anyway whereas last time I thought I was losing my marbles.

[jbambie]

I suffered with PND after my 1st, It took them 6 months to diagnose and recieved treatment for 3 years alltogether. I am know 12+6 with 2nd.,i am nervous about getting pnd again but i am prepared. I know the signs and have spoken to my gp who is excellant and she is going to keep a close eye along with everyone else. So although slightly nervous i am going to enjoy my pregnancy and deal with it if it happens. I beat it once i can do it again. Good luck xx

[Himbim]

Hiya...have you ever considered hiring a postnatal doula to come over a few times a week in the early weeks? They can make all the difference! They generally mother the mother, looking after you and the new baby, or look after your older child while you can get some rest and are great listeners. And can make the transition a lot smoother.

I had a homebirth and it was lovely...a lot of my friends said that giving birth in hospital was fine, but they couldn't cope with the lack of sleep thereafter when they were in a ward with other ladies and their babies.

[roseability]

I had PND with my firstborn who is now 3.4

I now have a 6 week old DD and I am happier than I have ever been. I am so much more relaxed and enjoying it hugely.

So much so that I can't imagine this being my last and am contemplating a third!

[trixymalixy]

Thanks everyone.