Terrified of Miscarrying, what are the statistics?

[princessmel]

I don't even like writing the words incase it tempts fate.
I wont join the antenatel thread for the same reason.

I am 10+1. Have had no spotting or pains. I am more awake this evening which is worrying me. I have generally been very tired, eating lots and feeling sick. dh says I'm just having a good day.

I just have a worry that something will happen.
I know it's very common to mc and as I have had 2 healthy babies I feel it could happen to me. Like it's my turn

My scan is on the 7th, I wish it was sooner.

I know too much about mc from mumsnet. Makes me worry more I think.

[Northernlurker]

I'm going to stick my neck out and say congratulations on your pregnancy - it is wonderful news and it's ok to feel excited, joyful and scared!
I know what you mean about having had two healthy babies and therefore something is bound to go wrong. I was the same with dd3 - in her case it was stillbirth I worried about most.

What you have to hold on to is that for most women, most of the time, things are fine.

You feel better today because you're ten weeks and that naturally is when tiredness starts to ease up.

Good luck for your scan - I'm sure it will be wonderful.

[Sugarkane]

princessmel I think a lot of us go through this when we are preg, I know I am now and was when I was preg last time I kept thinking ok get past 12 weeks, then get to my 20 weeks scan etc, all I can say is that worrying is not helping. If you are having a good day enjoy it because tomorrow you will probably be bent over the toilet again. To reassure you I have been feeling better for the last couple of weeks and I am 12 weeks today so seems like you could be getting through the worst (fingers crossed). Take one day at a time and enjoy your little bean growing inside you. When you feel ready join the antenatal thread or even just read it without posting as you will find that we are all in the same boat with the same worries and feelings.

Good luck

[LittlePeanut]

princessmel, I know exactly how you feel. You are more likely to bo OK than not, though. Northerlurker is right - your early symptoms generally start easing up around now.

If you are anything like me you will not relax until after that scan - but there is not too long to go now, is there?

Best of luck to you.

[princessmel]

Thanks NL and sugarkane. NL stillbirth is a shockingly awful thought

I have been lurking on the oct09 thread since I did my test. Too scared to join.

I worried at all the stages with my first 2. ds had high risk results for downs and I had an amnio which was terrifying. I had the nuchal with dd and it was fine. I will book one of those soon. Don't want to do that yet either incase it's bad luck. I am not supersticious atall normally. Should I have that before my 12 week scan or after?

And my cousin had a very late mc at 8 months which terrifies me.

I just wish I could see inside my tummy and see if the baby's ok!

dh thinks my tummy is starting to go out from the top, under the bra strap iykwim.
I have a bulge lower too but I think that is down to eating tons of food.

[SomeMightSay]

princessmel I know what you mean. I mc twice before going full term with ds1, so that whole pregnancy was tinted by fear and anxiety which stayed with me for a while after he was born. I then mc again 10 months later and fell pregnant within a week of that. This last pregnancy was the hardest because i felt I was being greedy and didn't deserve to want more. I had (and have) a wonderful ds(1) and spent each day worrying something would go wrong, but I now also have a perfect 7 week old.
Although mc is common, think it's 1 in 4, which is actually quite a small percentage when you think of how many pregnancies there are if that makes sense.
All my early symptoms seemed to calm down at about 10/11 weeks so I went through the same fear as you are having now. You are not alone. Just try to relax, there is no reason why it should happen to you.
Goodluck and congratulations

[princessmel]

Thanks everyone.

I am going to bed now. I have a nice (but busy) day planned tomorrow. That should keep my worrying at bay a bit.

Every twinge is freaking me out!

[katster37]

princessmel I totally know how you feel. I am only 6 weeks and am terrified of the M word. I keep googling statistics and daren't even think about a few days in the future in case it all goes wrong. It's so scary isn't it. And awful about your cousin. I didn't realise it was even still called a miscarriage at 8 months.
I hope you have had a good day today and let's hope we both have healthy babies in the autumn!

[Longtalljosie]

The other thing to say is that 10 weeks is about the right time to suddenly have a good day - and I know what you mean, it's very un-nerving, you wonder why your symptoms have stopped. But it's totally normal.

Actually it's a good thing, because it signals that by week 14 or so there's every chance you'll be feeling a lot better. I'm 20 weeks now, and like you, started having good days at about 10 weeks, was significantly better by week 13, and more or less back to normal health by week 16.

And the fact you have been feeling rubbish in early pregnancy is a very good sign...

[princessmel]

Well I was sick yesterday and felt very weak so that wasn't a particularly great day!

But I am having moments when I start to feel a bit more relaxed or excited. When I have seen proof all is ok then I will be so much better.

Not long to wait now.

[EyeballsintheSky]

I don't know why I'm on this thread, not being pg, having only one DC and never having MC that I know of, but someone (sorry, can't remember who) said something on a thread the other day which I thought was quite reassuring. She just said to look around you at all the people in the world, who are all the result of successful pregnancies. Things do go wrong of course but for the majority they don't.

Congratulations

[princessmel]

eyeballsinthesky

I read that too. I helped for a few mins!

The fact that you are on this thread means a lot to me. And I know it's rare for things to go wrong but then when people do mc you hear a lot of 'but it's so common'.

[EyeballsintheSky]

And if I'm honest I'm really jealous, hence why I'm lurking on the pg topic . DD is 14 months and I'm getting twitchy

[woodstock3]

i was constantly convinced i was going to miscarry with ds because i didnt have morning sickness and everyone had told me being sick was a good sign. now i realise i should just've thanked my lucky stars i wasnt sick and enjoyed it!
i know it's difficult but it may help to remember that while mc is fairly common the most common stage to miscarry is before you even know you're pregnant - ie in first few days after conception - that;s what drives the figures up. so miscarrying at your stage is rarer.
you might also find that once you're past the early weeks not only does the rational side of your brain relax a bit but the mid-pregnancy happy hormones kick in and it becomes a lot harder to be worried about anything! i used to tell myself that i just had to trust the baby that it knew what it was doing - it sounds immensely stupid but i found it very comforting. you need to find a form of words that makes you feel better and repeat it to yourself several times over when you start to get worried until you feel better! good luck x

[princessmel]

Thanks woodstock3, my dh just keeps saying 'what will be , will be' ,which doesn't help me too much!

I was really sick on sunday afternoon , and felt terrible for hours leading up to that. Think I ate something that the baby didn't like.

I have my booking appt on thursday so I am focussing on that and the scan on tuesday.

Even ds(6yrs) is saying 'if the baby is ok...blah blah' None of us are taking it for granted. Maybe it's a bit macabre(sp). But untill we know for sure it's ok we wont plan,relax,talk about the future too much.

Oh and this morning's worry....don't feel sick (same old, same old) and my mini 'bump' seems to have gone!

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

Speaking from experience, I was much more relaxed in my first pregnancy than in my second, which really surprised me.

I think that the more experienced you get at it, the more you learn, and the more you find out about what could go wrong. I was constantly worried with my second pregnancy that something would go wrong, at first miscarriage, then stillbirth or some other problem after birth. When DC2 was finally born it was such a relief to just have it all over with, the worry and concern, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders!

[lal123]

Princessme - I know how you're feeling. I'm about 10+1, with 2 previous mcs and over the last couple of days my symptoms haven't been so strong.

I have to wait til 28th April for my next scan (had one at 8 weeks, 12 week one falls when I'm out of the country so have to wait til 14 weeks..) and I don't know how I'll cope til then! I'm taking no bleeding as a good sign - but then I just get myself all worried about mmc....

I know what your DP means about "what will be will be" - but as you say it doesn't help

[DawnAS]

Please try not to worry. I heard that at around 9-10 weeks the placenta starts to take over and MS starts to ease and you start to feel better.

I'm sure that you will be fine. Congratulations.
xx

[peachyfox]

Hello, congratulations!

I post this as someone who wore down the keys on her laptop googling 'miscarriage risk + 41' for many weeks, driving everyone mad.

I am pg with my first at 41 after IVF.

I had almost no symptoms (and would have loved some, however crazy that sounds) but even those slight signs disappeared around 9-10 weeks and I began to lose faith that there was anything going on in there.

Have you had any scan at all? I paid for one at 10 weeks because although I couldn't really afford it or justify the expense (£95), there was actually nothing in the world I wanted more than to know my baby was OK.

You need to hear the heartbeat - go to your doc or mw and make them get out the doppler out to find the heartbeat. If they say their doppler is a bit crap (sometimes the case) then go to an early pregnancy unit and ask there.

At 10 weeks with no bleeding and a heartbeat you are, according to proper stats from proper research, over 95% likely to have an ongoing (and jolly happy methinks) pregnancy.

Woo hoo!

I'm now nearly 19 weeks and finally feel slightly more secure as I can feel something tiny scrabbling around inside me lightly.

I haven't googled my fears for ages now - and I feel ever so slightly rueful that I spoiled those early weeks being fearful.

Please don't suffer or think you are being anything other than an incipient wonderful, caring mother.

[peachyfox]

Oops I see you already have DC, so strike the incipient, you are simply a wonderful caring mother!

[princessmel]

Peachyfox, when I asked my midwife if they would try and hear the heartbeat, she said 'definatly not, you can't hear it untill 13,14 weeks' She wouldn't even entertain trying. I am seeing her on thursday.

I don't think the epu would appreciate me going if I didnt have any pains or bleeding, would they?

[peachyfox]

Hey princessmel, oh what a pity, most dopplers can pick up the heartbeat at 10 weeks or so, particularly the sort MWs have.

Sometime they don't like to do it because there is a chance they won't be able to find it and then they have a right old freak out on their hands when in fact it's perfectly normal if the baby is hiding. I expect this is the reason why your MW turned you down.

Did you know you can buy and rent good dopplers? Try here. It says from 10 weeks but you should really get a professional to do it first because it may take you a while to find and then you'll worry more.

Are you still feeling a bit wobbly about it? Then go to your EPU. I think so long as you don't fib you're not jumping any queues. All you want is the heartbeat, not to blag a scan.

The fact that all has gone well with your pregnancy so far means it is more likely to carry on going well not less! I used to think, this is all too great (our IVF worked first time), found heartbeat at 6 weeks (transvaginal scan), something must be about to go wrong but no. That's not the way it works. Your pregnancy sounds like its ticking along perfectly, the placenta is starting to take over right on time and you are feeling brighter and less sick. Normal, normal, normal! Please don't waste a second more of this lovely time! (but don't feel silly for worrying, that's normal too).