How do I tell my my BF I am pregnant again, she really wants a baby...

[pavlovthecat]

One of my best friends has been desperate for a baby for quite a while. In the last few years friends have fallen pregnant, and in the last year, a friend has had a baby, and now another is pregnant. My BF feels she is one of the last to conceive, and it upsets her. She does not go on about she, she is very pleased for everyone who is pg or who has had babies, she is there with presents, she draws a picture with their birth sign, name, date and time of birth.

She has been absolutely fab with our DD, she is a proper aunty, thrown herself into it as she has no children of her own.

Her and her DH have recently started to research more why they are struggling. She eats all the right food, takes vitamins, has ovulation sticks, knows her body inside out. DH has had tests and all is ok there, she is waiting back for tests herself as it has been suggested by GP she might not ovulate every month. Her and DH have been 'at it' almost constantly since our last friend got pg as they really want babies with everyone else, and she is worried as she grows older it is just not going to happen.

I have found out I am pg with no.2 and don't know how to tell her. She will be pleased, I am sure of that, but bitter sweet.

I am seeing her and her DH today, we are going for a walk. Should I tell her today (I am 4.5weeks), or wait? We have not told anyone else yet, and I want to tell her before others, so she does not hear it from other people.

When should I tell her, how should I tell them? Any advice on how to minimise the impact of this, as clearly DH and I are over the moon but don't want to rub their faces in it so to speak.

[MsG]

Congratulations to you, firstly!

It's great that you are being so considerate to your friend. I took a while to get pregnant after a miscarriage and I did really appreciate it when one of my friends was sensitive about telling me she was pregnant.

If you really want to tell her today, then do. I know most people wait till longer to start telling people but I couldn't keep it to myself!

I think the fact you are so concerned about her will mean that you are sensitive to her situation so please try not to worry too much. Hopefully her time will come soon. I would just advise saying anything like that to her, because it used to drive me mad when people would say things like that to me!! But we're all different and I'm sure you know your friend well enough to know what to say.

Good luck if you do tell her today. And take good care of yourself! xx

[pavlovthecat]

Thank you MrsG. We were not going to tell anyone at all for a couple of weeks, however I know how likely it is to slip out when talking to others. I am now nominated driver so that will detract from the non-alcohol. But my friend has eyes like a hawk, she spots everything, and I worry that if it slips to some-one else before I tell her, she will hear it from someone else and I really really don't want that to happen. Which is why I am thinking of telling her today, so that any slip-ups in the next couple of weeks won't get back to her.

[pavlovthecat]

MsG sorry!

[peachyfox]

I was in your friend's situation for, well decades actually.

You just have to tell her (when you're on your own of course). Perhaps telling her early before other friends will make her feel special?

Your friend has learned to deal with this and will digest the news in her own way. I used to be all smiles and congratulations but inside I'd be all like, it'll never be me it'll never be me.

It's likely your friend's doctor will try her on clomid which works very well for people who aren't ovulating regularly. Your friend could perhaps look at www.fertilityfriends.co.uk where she'll see that lots of people go through this and end up overrun by babies.

You sound like a lovely friend

[MsG]

I think being told first will be something she'll appreciate. xx

[TaleofTwoCities]

I was in this situation too - a good friend has been having IVF for baby 1 and I was suddenly pregnant with #3 by accident. I ended up waiting until much later in my pregnancy and then wrote to her, mainly cos she was in the throes of the IVF and finding out whether it had worked (it hadn't ) We weren't actually meeting up though so a bit different to your situation. Just to say, I know how tricky it is. I was so relieved when she replied and said how nice the card I sent was. Hope it went well whatever you decided.

[Nabster]

I would definitely tell her before you tell anyone else but not necessarily earlier than you might have done if she had already had a baby herself.

[funtimewincies]

Congratulations !

Please tell her soon and face to face if possible. If she hears it from other sources it's likely to make her feel as though people don't want to include her any more, because of her situation.

A close friend has just announced her 3rd pregnancy and I'm delighted for her, as we're seperate people and her ability to conceive and maintain a pregnancy is no reflection on my inability to. I'm a wee bit jealous, as expected, but I was more upset that she's been worrying about telling me .

[pavlovthecat]

I see her often, usually once a week. I will not be able to hide it from her very long, she is very perceptive.

It did not feel right yesterday, we went for a picnic and long walk in a country park. it was lovely and relaxed and I just did not feel ready to tell her, it was not the right environment. DH and I have agreed that when I am next round for a cup of tea, probably after work one time next week, I will tell her then. She will be pleased for us, I am certain of that, and she will be want to be involved as much as she is with DD, but I just know she will also be really upset that it is not happening to her yet. And I also know she will probably try to hide it from us. I really wish it would happen for her .

[pavlovthecat]

peachy - I am pleased that you posted it from the other perspective. It helps to know how she might be feeling, and also to know that there are things she can do still. She is waiting for her test results. Her GP has mentioned hormone tablets or something, to help with ovulation, guess that is Clomid? She says she knows that she does not ovulate every month, as she knows her body inside out now!

[peachyfox]

I think funtimewincies made a very good point. Your pregnancy does not change her situation, it doesn't make her any more or less fertile. For me, I think it just brought my own situation into rather sharper focus than was comfortable for a little while, then I was back on top of things again. It wasn't such a big deal really - the big deal was my own situation.

What I mean is, don't worry, just do it and then it'll be done and your friend can get on with being happy for you.

I'm finally pregnant at 41 so my story will hopefully have a happy ending and I'm sure hers will too.

By the way, it's very positive that her DH checked out OK, because male factor is much harder to deal with. My guess is she'll get ovulating on clomid and soon be on her way!

[pavlovthecat]

Oh peachy congratulations to you .

[funtimewincies]

Congratulations Peachy .