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Pregnancy

I know this is going to sound awful ...

20 replies

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:03

I went for my 20 week scan today and the sonographer asked if I wanted to know the sex. I said I didnt because I would prefer it to be a surprise. The sonographer when measuring the parts said "he" and then quickly back tracked and followed "I mean he or she" which makes me think it must be a boy. Had she not followed with this I would of thought nothing of her using "he" because people usually default to "he".I know this sounds really crap and I am glad the baby is healthy I have one DS who has ASD he is gorgeous and has such a great character. I couldn't help feeing a bit disappointed to possibly now know the sex and also to know Im not having a girl. Im not disappointed to be having a boy (if I am having a boy) but to not ever have the possibility of having a girl- I have been through two horrible pregnancies and couldn't do it again. Im just being silly arent I and I should get a grip.

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bronze · 11/12/2008 18:08

But she may have been saying he as the default then suddenly thought oh no 'she [you} will think its a boy'

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:10

yeah I thought It could be that too, but dont people normally use "he" if they dont know, so I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

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whoingodsnameami · 11/12/2008 18:11

Yes, agree it could have been said as default, I myself always refer to animals as he, even when I know they are females

FruitynNutty · 11/12/2008 18:11

No your not being silly. Even I was a tad disappointed when I was told I was having another boy. Even though I have PCOS and have had a great deal of trouble conceiving. You'd think I'd be grateful for even managing to get pregnant!
I do feel terrible or feeling this way and of course I'm so over the moon that he seems to be healthy Just be a nice change to have a little girl around the house.
I'm a CM and seem to only ever look after boys so just need a bit of balance.

But like I say, I'm so incredibly grateful I'm going to have another baby and that he's healthy and all the bits in the correct places - There's always next time!

I think it's very natural to feel like this sometimes

whoingodsnameami · 11/12/2008 18:12

Oh that sounds awful read back,I am not suggesting your baby is an animal, in casr you are wondering.

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:13

dont worry I didnt read it that way at all who.

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Sallyallyally · 11/12/2008 18:14

My sonographer said he both times and I had 1 girl and 1 boy, so doesn't mean a thing. However, there is of course a 50% chance you are having a boy and it doesn't matter if you feel a bit disappointed...crikey, we're all human...you will love him just as much when he (or she!!) comes along, babies in tummies are the stuff of dreams, the real thing is what gets the love really going.

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:15

The thing is she was looking at all the body parts a the time so its quite likely she would have known the sex and let it slip out and then self corrected.

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staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:16

Its not that she said "he" but that she corrected herself.

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Sallyallyally · 11/12/2008 18:19

You could analyse this to death you know!!!!! If you want to know arrange a private scan and find out....you could look at it that the sonographer was cleverly disguising the sex by using the misleading he rather than she and then realised that she was favouring one and thought she ought to qualify her comments...

artichokes · 11/12/2008 18:20

Maybe he said "he" by default and then realised how it sounded so corrected himself? I know a couple of people who have had sonographers say "he" and then apologise - it has had no bearing on the actual sex of the baby.

TsarHumbug · 11/12/2008 18:22

It may have been a generalised 'he' but even so, you'd think scan people would be a bit more careful about how and what they say!

Knowing or not knowing the baby's sex (depending on which a woman prefers) is quite a sensitive and special part of being pregnant. They should have done as you asked and not referred to he or she at all.

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 18:38

Yes I know, I should forget about today -they could have meant it either way. Right I will put it to the back of my mind because I know I am being silly. However if I do have a boy (notice I said if) I may feel a bit niggled (although if I have a girl the sonographer will be vindicated)

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mamakim · 11/12/2008 18:48

I'm sorry just realised after just started a really insensitive thread now. I hadn't read this . Sorry.

bronze · 11/12/2008 18:54

Reminds me of the story my mum told me about the doctor from years ago who predicted genders.
Apparently he would tell them they were having a boy then write in his book prediction girl. when the baby was born if it was a boy of course the parents would think the doc was right and not question it further. If it was a girl they would question him and he would say oh no I said girl look I wrote it here.

staryeyed · 11/12/2008 19:09

mamakin dont be silly I read your other thread and Im so pleased that everything is ok. Not insensitive at all I would have to be incredibly over sensitive to even think so. Congratulations!

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TwoCuteFestiveFairys · 11/12/2008 19:57

Staryeyed - Just out of interest (and feel free to tell me sod off )

But is it just the fact that you would have liked a girl thats bothering you? or is it because of your DSs ASD?

I ask because im currently 29 weeks pg with DS1, and i was kind of hoping for another girl (i already have 2 DDs) not because i dont like boys ...........i do honestly , but DD1 has ASD and i have to admit that finding out im expecting a boy has worried me with the whole SNs issue.

staryeyed · 12/12/2008 16:03

Hi TCFF- sod off! just joking. No I genuinely always wanted one boy and one girl. However if I knew I were having a girl it might rest my mind a little about having another DC with ASD but then although less common with girls it could still happen anyway as you know. I love my DS and whatever SN this next DC might have I would love them too but to be honest I do feel like me and Ds are missing certain things because his understanding is so lacking so things like cooking and craft going to see Santa etc are just not doable. Sorry going off on a tangent.

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migolapland · 12/12/2008 19:19

DH and I were sure we heard the sonographer refer to ours as HE, so were convinced we were having a boy all along, so we were completely shocked when a little girl came out

babyinbelly · 12/12/2008 21:17

IMO you don't know whether the sonographer knew or not. At my hospital they dont even look unless you ask so they dont know either.

I would look at it as you dont know if they said he by default or because its an actual boy so just carry on as if you dont know because to be honest you dont know.

Sorry that doesn't make much sense! Just trying to say dont let it spoil your pregnancy because it could still be a girl or a boy.

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