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Binge drank before i knew i was pregnant (i thought i was late) - should i abort?

(81 Posts)
rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:15:30

(by the way i'm not religious, i'm a rationalist) Binge drank in early pregnancy - i think i should have a termination?
Panic. I binge drank when i didn't know i was 26 days pregant, i should have guessed as i kept having funny dreams about being pregnant... i was about 4 and a half weeks i guess, the most vital stage for brain and facial feature development. i maybe had 4 shots of bacardi (it could have been 5 as i don't know how big the measure my boyfriend poured me was) in about an hour! On a full stomach but i felt quite eurphoric and definitly intoxicated and detached for quite a few hours. I got a hang over and felt nauseous and dizzy well into the early hours. I'm so awfully sorry that this has happened. My boyfriend wants me to have a termination and i think i have to agree, we are both phd students and i'm afraid i couldn't bare to have a retarded child - he has no alcohol tolerance although i can drink like a fish so it is genetically possibly vulnerable. (it was unplanned by the way) after we read this:
"If a woman binge drinks during such a critical stage, significant harm may be inflicted on the developing fetal brain. The resulting deficits can range from gross structural abnormalities, such as small brain size and significantly altered brain circuitry. Children exposed to even a single binge drinking episode (blood alcohol levels over 0.07 or 80mg) show behavioural difficulties such as in adhd (poor attention and impulse control), have on average 7 points lower iq than controls (sometimes up to 24 points) and perform far less well on verbal and numeric reasoning tests at age 7 and 14. Before age of 7 and 14 their learning disabilites are not evident, but their peers soon surpass them.
I guess i just want to know i'm doing the right thing in having a termination, i want to know peoples stories.

I felt pretty drunk, and i felt nausea afterward (my symptoms lasted from 8.30 until 2.30 in the morning), my blood alcohol level must have been at least 0.09, enough to cause the death of a third of the fetal brain cells - which cannot regenerate. Thus i do think i'm fairly screwed. My mother drank like a fish with me but a single binge episode is universally believed to MUCH more harmful than moderate or light drinking (2 a day) over a few hours, or over a week. 4/5 drinks in an hour? That's got to be majorly damaging. My timing was just, awful. And the worst thing is, i never drink usually.

There is an oxford study that says that the effects of occasional binge drinking isn't in evidence, but they say 'may' and they say IS a trend towards neurodevelopment disorders, and there was no study conducted of when the binge occured - in early or later pregnancy. Another study also shows lower scores on IQ tests in general. Its not that i'm an intellect snob, i just can't believe i've done this! My whole life is one long line of self-inflicted nightmares...sigh.

A single binge drinking at the wrong time could = perfect baby being now not so perfect.

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:16:24

i mean, i've worked out, from day 14, i'd be about 26 days from conception now? 5 weeks? The binge occured 4 days ago...and i've been crying ever since.

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:16:46

i took the test on friday afternoon

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:18:42

it'll be your baby though, so perfect for you. smile tbh i do think you're googling yourself into a frenzy... most babies are conceived with a drink or six, i'd warrant. my friend downed a bottle of whisky after her 'period' came and she was totally depressed. it was implantation bleeding and her wee boy is as bright as a button.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 30-Nov-08 23:19:32

I binge drank and a lot worse during my first trimester as I did not know I was pg untill gone three months (long story)

I am blessed with a beautifull, bright little girl. She will be five next week. She is slightly behind in her very high achieving school but its not a case of she can't do it more that I dont have as much time as I would like to help her with it at home.

Are you trying to justify aborting for different reasons to yourself? I guess what you need to ask yourself is do you really want a baby?

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:19:38

do you always, you know, over-think things?

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:20:24

Oh rainbowserpent i cant believe you are still looking for reasons to terminate your baby! ffs

It is very unlikely that your bingedrink episode has affected your baby especially if you were so early on!

I think its time to seek some proffetional help, And if you think you are going to abort please do not wait for this poor little being to grow any more.

Sorry but you really need to deal with this.

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:21:11

Why did you binge drink when you knew you where pg?

Huge apologies if you're real/telling the truth, but this is the third thread you have started with various different stories about why should or shouldn't have an abortion.

Either you're a determined troll or you have some serious issues that you need to have help with.

i think you have to drink an awful lot for foetal alcohol syndrome, and you only did it once?
i should imagine it will be fine smile

IdrisTheDragon Sun 30-Nov-08 23:21:52

I drank a lot with both DS and DD before I knew I was pregnant. Throwing up drinking with DS and Christmas drinking with DD.

They are both completely fine.

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:22:09

Yes i know, i'm going to go and see a counsellor, i have a presentation to give tomorrow and to be honest, i haven't even slept probably in days. I am a worrier by nature.

so do you drink like a fish or never drink hmm

dizzydixies Sun 30-Nov-08 23:22:43

all of mine were pickled before I realised they were there

all fine and now have 3 lovely girls now smile

llareggub Sun 30-Nov-08 23:23:09

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I seem to remember another thread from a phd student who had a phd student from a boyfriend who did not want her to keep the baby. Are you the same person?

Don't stress so much! I was in that situation (pregnant, had a negative result assumed i was'late' due to stress)then found out I was expecting dd4, who is lovely and seems absolutely perfect!!

You say you only took your test on Friday, and that you drank four days ago.

However, you posted on Tuesday and Wednesday to say that you were pregnant and considering abortion.

Doesn't add up, I'm afraid. Either you are trolling, or you have serious issues that you need to deal with asap.

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:23:39

sorry, the binge drinking was before i knew i was pregnant, and i guess i have fixated on it because of my abortion dilemma (and the fact that the first time i never did anything like that!)

llareggub Sun 30-Nov-08 23:24:24

OK, it seems you might be.

Is there a counselling service at the university? I think you need to talk to them.

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:24:39

oh dear. either way, you've got some serious stuff to deal with rainbow. hope you do get some counselling and that it helps you out. smile

Stop pretending.

What's the real story here?

I think you are a troll.

Cryptoprocta Sun 30-Nov-08 23:24:53

I can imagine that if you go on to have this baby, every little delay in any developmental milestone (which happens to the best of them), you'll always blame this episode.

Have those studies adjusted for maternal background, class, etc? Recently there were studies showing that moderate drinking in pregnancy produced "brighter" babies, probably down to parental 'class'. Could it be that the type of parent who binge drinks also exposes the foetus to other damaging factors?

I've read about foetal alcohol syndrome, and prolonged drinking can be a cause. One child had a deformed head from being slumped in the womb in one position, drunk, for pretty much the whole pregnancy.

Is this really only reason why you want to have a termination? Honestly?

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:25:23

forget the drinking. just forget it.

do you want the baby?

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:26:56

cryptoprocta, i remember reading in the Mail about a woman who'd adopted a child with FAS, and she mentioned about his face being flattened by being 'slumped' against the womb. i'm sure that is complete bollocks.

Cryptoprocta Sun 30-Nov-08 23:29:45

Do you think? Not that I usually believe anything in the Mail. I think they were saying it was different from the "usual" FAS face. I did a lot of googling myself when pregnant, convinced that I'd be one of the unlucky ones that had a drop and had such a child. But as I said, maybe it's a combination of factors that they haven't yet discovered.

if you want a termination just do it and don't try to make excuses - and by the way your use of the term 'retarded' and your disgust at the possibility of having such a baby is deeply offensive to many people here, not least those who have children with SN.

I'd like to shout troll because if not, then you are a very childish and insensitive woman.

IdrisTheDragon Sun 30-Nov-08 23:31:12

Have looked at your other threads and I'm puzzled about when you knew you were pregnant too. You said here you took a test on Friday, but posted earlier on in the week about being pregnant.

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:34:26

Exactly idris,hangingabublem! i begining to wonder also, i hate to knock anyone who is crying out for help. But the sheer fact that its been so many conflicting posts screems TROLL.

llareggub Sun 30-Nov-08 23:34:28

What do you want?

Do you want us to tell you what to do? Because we can't, you know.

I felt physically sick at the mere whiff of alcohol when pregnant, so can't give you the story you asked for. I'm sure plenty of women have had a drink and later found themselves to be pregnant.

Forget about the drinking, and your perceptions of what sort of baby you might have, and think about what you want.

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:36:48

llareggub she has been offered some great advice on her many other threads some similar to what you are saying.

TinkerBellesMum Sun 30-Nov-08 23:37:41

I haven't read the other replies but I wouldn't worry about it! At that stage the baby wasn't even attached to you - whatever you believe about where we come from something knew we wouldn't know straight away about being pregnant so protected the baby by not connecting them to us straight away.

FAS doesn't come from one single drinking session at 5 weeks or from the odd drink in pregnancy. Speak to your MW if you are worried but I'm sure you will be told not to worry.

Congratulations BTW!

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:37:44

if it's a troll, though, it does sound as if it's someone with a thing about abortion. still a bit sad imo.

crypto, absolutely. can't be true, i'm sure of it. surely they can't slump, they're not really subject to the same forces underwater.

the month i was pregnant with ds2 i had a night out drinking jugs of vodka and redbull.

i wouldn't have dreamt of not having him and he is a delightful, beautiful, gorgeous, clever little boy now.

terminate if you feel that is right for you but don't use alcohol as an excuse.

cali Sun 30-Nov-08 23:39:14

" he has no alcohol tolerance although i can drink like a fish"

" And the worst thing is, i never drink usually."

Have read the op's initial post and thought, well the majority of babies have probably been exposed to things they shouldn't have been before women realised that they were pregnant, re read it as somethings didn't add up.

rainbowserpent, did you forget that you drank like a fish hmm when you wrote that you never drink usually?

I really think you need to calm down about the drinking. Foetal Alcohol Syndrome is a result of repeated instances of heavy drinking throughout pregnancy - not a single episode. Millions of women drink when they are pregnant before they realise it. I'm not a doctor but I seriously doubt you've damaged the foetus.

If you don't wish to go ahead with the pregnancy that's another matter. Nobody can make your mind up for you.

Cadelaide Sun 30-Nov-08 23:46:33

I'm loving Aitch tonight, all brainy and rational and....I dunno.....normal.

Cadelaide Sun 30-Nov-08 23:47:17

I don't mean she's not normally grin

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:47:36

i CAN drink like a fish lol. Chritmas, brithdays, but if you were to add up the number of occasions i did drink it would be probably, once every three months or less frequently, in more of a social/binge pattern? I'm just saying when i do drink i have a much higher alcohol tolerance than my boyfriend who can't handle one without being ill.

TinkerBellesMum Sun 30-Nov-08 23:47:36

Just read the other OP's. I'm in agreement wtih the other ladies, this doesn't add up! Either you are genunine and want someone to talk you into/out of an abortion or you are trolling.

electra Sun 30-Nov-08 23:48:53

Rainbow - I did the same as you - I'm now 20 weeks. I would not have decided to have a termination for this (although struggled about what to do for different reasons) - seems a bit drastic.

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:49:30

Only a few days ago it was a rant about being a single mom and a rant about a horrible bf that made you terminate before. You know exactly what you are doing and there are people who need real advice and help stop messing around and out with the truth.
Are you
A) a Troll,
B) in real need of emotional help,
C) Looking for an excuse to have an abortion?

rainbowserpent Sun 30-Nov-08 23:49:51

not trolly, feeling guilty. Still pregnant, still contemplating abortion, now boyfriend knows, he is demanding i have the abortion, and if levelling the drinking at me (that i was already beating myself up over) as reason to abort.

llareggub Sun 30-Nov-08 23:51:23

I think you should keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend. He sounds like a tosser.

cali Sun 30-Nov-08 23:51:43

rainbowserpent, can I ask you something?

so you had a positive pregnancy test on Friday, 4 days after the supposed binge drinking episode, how come you started a thread 5 days ago saying you were pregnant?

I would also like to echo Hangingbaubles post of 23:29, there are better words to use.

I apologise if you are genuine but something tells me you're not.

Aitch Sun 30-Nov-08 23:53:10

why thank you, i think, cadders. wink

rainbow, do you have an explanation at all for these inconsistencies? cos it's not fair to piss people off and hurt their feelings if you're trolling, it's pretty low behaviour. but if you're for real, there will be a good explanation no doubt.

festivedollyx Sun 30-Nov-08 23:53:12

Rainbow it sound as though you have made your decision,perhaps it is time to contact the appropriate help and move forward. Sorry to be harsh but the sooner you decide the better all round.

Ps still stands from other thread please dont do things to please your bf do it for yourself x

TinkerBellesMum Sun 30-Nov-08 23:56:57

"I think you should keep the baby and get rid of the boyfriend. He sounds like a tosser"

If you are genunine this is the best peice of advice you've had!

mrsboogie Sun 30-Nov-08 23:59:08

This is a troll. I would stop entertaining her if I were you guys. Either that or she has serious problems which are way beyond the kind of help or advice anyone can offer on here.

Rainbow - from what I can gather from previous posts you had an abortion before to please your bf and regretted it so why are you thinking of doing it again? You've posted 3 times about the same thing in the past week. Are you looking for us to validate your reasons for doing it?

Believe me I know where you're coming from as my dp coerced me into having an abortion when we first got together when I didn't want to. I regretted it soooo much. So when I got pg again, there is no way on earth I would ever think of doing that again.

I was a complete partier bc and I was about 4/5 wks pg (and didn't know) when my birthday party happened. I drank all night and continued to the next day and took whatever else was going. I found out the following wk I was pg. Ds is now one and perfect. My friend didn't find out until she was 5 months gone. She'd been drinking away. Again her lo is now 5 and not a thing wrong with her.

I really hope it isn't a wind up but just do what pleases you. Only you know in your heart of hearts what you want to do.

mrsboogie Mon 01-Dec-08 00:43:37

oh and if 4 shots of Bacardi is binge drinking then probably half the population is born after their mothers have "binged" in very early pregnancy.

KittyFloss Mon 01-Dec-08 01:46:27

Don't be so frigging ridiculous fgs, you have a few drinks at less than 5 weeks gestation and you are ready to abort? Get A Fecking Grip.

Afaik the foetus doesn't even have a fully established blood flow at that point, and even if it did it's no reason to abort. If you don't want the baby then fair enough but don't use this as an excuse.

I concieved mid december and didn't find out until early january, was probably 5-6 weeks when I did the test. I had been properly pissed
over xmas and ny, not just a few bacardi's. DD is fine and dandy and advanced for her age.

Hux Mon 01-Dec-08 10:48:09

I think we all know now that you DON'T want to abort this baby but HE DOES.

You're coming on here to hopefully find some people who agree with him and therefore will allow you to believe that aborting is actually the right thing to do when you know it isn't and you don't want to.

Stop asking whether you should abort and go find a forum that can help you deal with why you can't tell him to 'F off' because that's the real issue here.

CatIsSleepy Mon 01-Dec-08 10:57:35

i don't think this drinking binge would be a reason to abort-I think that is a big over-reaction and i think women drinking too much before they realise they are pg is probably fairly common

i don't know what's going on here re other threads etc but sounds like you've had good advice from other posters which you need to think about

ForeverOptimistic Mon 01-Dec-08 10:58:52

Oh god I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks as I still got my period. I was 4 weeks pregnant over Xmas and I drank well over the recommended limits as we had decided not to ttc for a few months. It turned out that I was pregnant, GP told me not to worry as I gave up drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Ds was absolutely fine. smile

Niecie Mon 01-Dec-08 11:10:55

Getting drunk once is not a reason to abort. My BIL and his wife adopted two children of an alcoholic mother. The birth mother drank from the day her son was concieved until the day he was born. He does have FAS but no way would you call him retarded. He is a little slow academically, but not so bad he needs a special school and a little small for his age but he is the most gorgeous little boy you could ever wish to meet. I don't think his new parents would appreciate him being called 'retarded'. He has an older sister who is not affected at all although as we understand it her drinking wasn't so bad then.

I think you need to stop finding lame excuses to abort and decide what you want to do. If you don't want the baby and don't think you can care for it, fine, have your abortion but face up to the decision and don't do it for spurious reasons. If you want to keep it, do that and don't let your bf force you to do something you don't want to.

Niecie Mon 01-Dec-08 11:12:15

The mother's drinking was no so bad when she was pregnant with the older sister, not the older sister's - sorry, just wanted to make it clear.

Pinkchampagne Mon 01-Dec-08 11:14:34

MY ds1 was conceived over the Christmas period & totally unplanned, so my body was swimming with alcohol before I found out! He is 9 years old now & fine.

mummy2olivia Mon 01-Dec-08 11:26:09

I smoked a fag when I was 5 weeks pregnant shock

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 01-Dec-08 11:28:34

If it is that you are worried that you will lose him you need to concentrate on what you want not him. My first love told me the same i.e. abort or I will leave you. Happily I didn't listen, though I was very tempted. I lost him but gained a beautifull daughter and I don't regret it for a second. Looking back I can see what a twanker he was.

If your man is actually a man he will stick around. Although bullying you in this way suggests that he is not. And if he leaves then you have lost nothing. Honestly. You will realise this.

Get counselling before doing anything. Have this abortion when you don't really want it and it is a descion you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Given that he is the father he has a right to give his opinion but it is your body and needs to be your choice. NOT his.

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that one episode (or even a couple of episodes) of binge drinking early in pregnancy will have no effect on your baby. I know about this!! When pregnant with DD1 I went on a hen night to Amsterdam. I thought I might be pregnant (I was a couple of days late) and so did a pregnancy test before I left which came up -ve. I stupidly thought, 'oh that's OK then' and set off on a HUGE weekend. Not long after I was back I took another test which was positive. I was in a complete state and went straight to my doctor who told me not to be so silly and that the baby would be totally unaffected by this episode. She said that drinking like this could cause you to have a miscarriage, but if a couple of days later you haven't miscarried, then that is that (and if I had miscarried later she assured me that it would have had nothing to do with my weekend of drinking). It takes sustained consumption of alcohol (not necessarily that much in a go, but a constant drip drip of drinks throughout pregnancy) to bring on foetal alcohol syndrome. In fact my doctor said that although binge drinking was DEFINITELY not recommended at any stage you would probably be better off doing that then drinking constantly, even at moderate levels, throughout pregnancy. Although clearly the odd glass of wine here or there is not going to be a problem.

DD1 - now nearly 4 is about as bright and chatty, happy and well balanced as it is possible for a pre-schooler to be!!

SO - if you want to have a termination then that is your absolute choice and right, but look at the real reasons why you might want it and if you really do want it. Please don't worry yourself into a complete state about an irrelevant drinking session - your doctor could reassure you about this in an instant.

WotsThatSkippy Mon 01-Dec-08 11:46:22

First pregnancy - I was young and working in the media, so always out on the lash. I think I drank 6 double brandy and cokes, smoked loads of fags and did a couple of lines of cocaine the night before I clocked I might be pregnant. Second time round had no idea I could be pregnant and enjoyed a very boozy weekend away with DH where I consumed about 2 bottles of wine in one night. Argh. (I don't even drink regularly - it was complete bad luck that I'd consumed so much and then found out I was pregnant days later).

Both babies born perfectly healthy ( I was teetotal from the minute I found out I was pregnant, btw).

Don't terminate for this reason alone!

MegBusset Mon 01-Dec-08 12:01:12

I spent the first two weeks of my pregnancy with DS boozing and smoking (stopped as soon as I found out, obviously). He is absolutely fine.

I hope you can get some help and work through your issues.

peacelily Mon 01-Dec-08 12:05:48

Was 7 weeks pf when I got a positive result for my beautiful but unplanned dd (now 2), -on 15th January. So I'd had xmas, new Year etc. first time in years I'd had the whole time off, seriously living it up, multiple binges! had an implantation bleed beginning of jan (1/2 day of light spotting) and thought it was a period blush.

Agonised like hell for the rest of pg although was v v good. Dd is fab really bright articulate and just amazing! met a lot of milestones early, particularly with speech.

Some of the sentiments in your posts worry me ie "retarded" and needing to have a "perfect2 child, whay does this mean to you and about you?

This isn't academia this is REAL LIFE, not a piece of research, and you need to make some real life decisions, quickly.

Jenski Mon 01-Dec-08 12:17:12

Is this part of your PHD research or something?

I find it hard to believe that you are for real. I would not like to think that people's good will on here is being used as some kind of experiment.

If you are for real, then sorry, but you need to do some serious thinking.

Where did you find your first quote about foetal damage?

mrsboogie Mon 01-Dec-08 12:24:15

I don't think its genuine either jenski its quite horrible if not, to be taking advantage of people like this.

Lemontart Mon 01-Dec-08 12:30:20

5 days ago there was a thread about this person being pregnant.
This is a day BEFORE she claims she did her test.

I really dislike doubting people on a hunch but until that very obvious discrepancy is explained, then I suggest we all stand back from spending any more time trying to support this person.

(Really hope you come back and explain. OP)

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 01-Dec-08 12:35:21

I think it could be real as there have been other threads by this poster. I think what i truely going on is her twunt OH wants her to abort and is pressurising her into doing so. She doesn't really want an abortion but doesn't want to lose so is trying to justify to herself why abortion would be the best option. The op needs counselling.

I think its real because I went through exactly the same thought processes when I found out I was pg with dd1 because he told me he wouldn't support me and I would never hear from him again if I had the baby. I tried to justify aborting to myself because I had drank, I didn't own a home, I couldn't even keep plants alive, I didn't own a proper hoover so couldn't be suitable parent material hmm and loads of other stupid reasons just so I didn't have to face the fact that I wanted this baby and he didn't.

I didn't get counselling but carried on with pregnancy as I ran out of time to properly decide what I wanted to do. He was right I never heard from him again. Tosser. But I don't regret for a single second the choice I made. DD1 is worth a million of him. And I now a dyson grin and have had a plant that is still alive from mothers day, a major achievement for me.

rainbowserpent Mon 01-Dec-08 19:11:25

Thank you guys, i'm really really not a troll! I swear! And you are right, i do want this baby, it feels so connected to me. I realised if i didn't want it i would not have freaked out so badly about the alcohol. From what i've read intelligence is a combination of genes, diet, personality and education, so i think i can make up on some of those! I've been taking multi-vitamins and calcium pills for a long, every day as a routine, which i hope might have helped...i also eat oily fish every week, and i don't smoke or do drugs or anything like that - my worse habit is the occasional can of diet coke! So i shall cross my fingers and hope.
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. He is a bit of a tosser in the sense of his reacting like this; i talked to my mother and she thinks he was just in severe shock (i've never seen a man cry quite like that before), and that this might actually do HIM some good in terms of growing up...and yes if he doesn't want the responsibility and goes on and has super brainy kids with one of his other super brainy female friends from cambridge, then he can, and i don't care, hopefully i'll be able to see his good side in our child and remember the good times we had, if thats the way it goes. Ok, i'm saying this while i'm panicing at the same time and not believing it yet, but i'm going to go and meditate or something because i read stress is extremely bad for the baby! I will not let anything else harm him!(i've decided it's a him but i won't take my chances yet, i could still miscarry etc anyway... :-( ) It's just a shame that my mother is now telling me to get an abortion "having a baby will ruin your career" - as i'm still studying, but hey, they have a creche!? It's do able?? I just hope i can find someone else to keep me company in the not to distant future if my boyfriends conscience and loneliness don't get at him first...

I should add, i am terrible with dates so i'm sorry if i confused people getting things mixed up.

rainbowserpent Mon 01-Dec-08 19:18:23

there are million studies all over the internet about alcohol exposure and they are universally bad except for one that shows that cognitive functions aren't affected (at least up to age 8 and around the average mark on the iq scale) but that behaviour is definitly affected, alcohol exposed kids are disinhibited in general, and more easily distractable with shorter attention spans but that was mostly evident in women who had had more than 3 binges in early pregnancy.There seems to be very few studies that look at women who have 1 binge exclusively without any form of alcoholism,
although mice, rat, chimp and chicken studies show severe damage after one (excessively high i should add) alcohol exposure over four hours (mine was 1 and a half).
I do believe there will be an effect, but i hope it will be subtle, so i will not look for it, because that might 'create' it. I'm alright i suppose and my mother does claim to have been permenantly drunk in her first trimester, even if i am a bit scatty.

I read through about 44 research studies in panic - my researcher nature, i even sat down and re-evaluated their statistics! Lol.

llareggub Mon 01-Dec-08 19:20:09

Of course it's doable! There are lots of women on here who successfully combine motherhood with careers. I'm guessing you're in your early 20s, so you have years and years ahead of you to establish yourself in a career. One woman I work with had her most successful years of work during her fifties when she headed up an international organisation after raising 5 children.

You can do it if you want to.

llareggub Mon 01-Dec-08 19:23:30

And seriously, there is always something to worry about as a mother, so you might as well get used to it. Here are a few things that people worry about:

Will I get to 12 weeks pregnant?
Will the 20 week scan be OK
Oh my god, will the birth be as I want it?
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?
Does he weigh enough/too much?
Should I wean?
Nursery v childminder
MMR or not MMR
State or private?
Is he gifted and talented?

I could go on and on....honestly, there is always something to worry about.

But I should add having a child is the best thing I ever did.

mrsboogie Mon 01-Dec-08 20:25:31

You seem to be obsessed by "braininess" and IQ - there are many many factors that will influence your child's IQ and there are many reasons to want a love a child besides its intelligence level.

I'm sorry, I don't know what your PhD studies are in but I find it hard to believe that someone with a scientific background would believe that four shots of Bacardi would be enough to damage a foetus to that extent. Half the population wouldn't be able to tie their shoelaces if that was the case! Its not until about the fifth week that the baby is even really sharing the mother's blood supply. Are you similarly worried about your caffeine consumption?

The foetus is protected from toxins to a degree that science does not yet even begin to understand. Chemotherapy drugs are some of the most toxic compounds a human can intake and yet pregnant women with breast cancer are routinely treated with chemotherapy drugs - to no detriment to the baby.

In any case there are more important things than braininess - common sense being one of them - you'll forgive me for saying that you and your boyfriend would benefit from having a bit more of the former however clever you may be and I'd be a lot more worried about your baby inheriting both your lack of common sense if I was you.

Make your decision based on what is best for you and by extension the baby. Forget this man and what he wants or doesn't want and move on. And for God's sake try to develop some common sense - you are going to need it as a mother!

mabanana Mon 01-Dec-08 20:30:54

I think you are in shock. I have felt like this with each of my very much planned children! Sorry you have no support from your partner, and hopefully he will come round once he has recovered from his shock. Where did you get that first bit you posted from? Bet it's from an American FAS site - they are blooming insanely extreme. I hardly know anyone who didn't get drunk before they knew they were pregnant (my mates, eh?) but our kids are all bright and normal. My youngest dd who is three is the star of the nursery play! grin

Ohforfoxsake Mon 01-Dec-08 20:42:22

Many children aren't 'perfect' or 'retarded' as you put it hmm.

I'm not buying this. Your boyfriend made you have an abortion before, according to your other threads. Surely someone so educated would surely know their own mind - by your age?

I replied to your other thread with the best intentions, but now I think you are going too far.

So I'll be keeping my story to myself, thanks all the same.

When I was about 7 weeks pregnant I drank so much gin and red wine that I fell off my frien's patio and bruised myself horrendously all down one side. I did in fact spend most of the first 2 months of my PG drinking heavily.
My DS is absolutely fine, even advanced for his age (and possible Gifted and Talented but am not going to get into that now).

Do not use scaremongering misogynistic bullshit (which is what almost all the stuff about FAS consists of) to make your decision about this pregnancy. Decide according to whether or not you want to remain pregnant and have a baby.

TheSeriousOne Mon 01-Dec-08 20:48:21

please no. if you want the baby please keep[ your baby.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Tue 02-Dec-08 00:22:36

You do know all this talk about 'the perfect baby' is just all the fantasies you had as a child don't you? Any baby will be perfect if they are your own.

arionater Tue 02-Dec-08 00:51:17

Just wanted to say that I am a (young) academic and I know several people who had babies while they were PhD students, it's definitely doable; in some ways it's not a bad time for it, maybe easier than in a few years time in an academic career with temporary contracts and so on. Your degree may take a while longer, but that's not a disaster. Lots of your friends will be keen to help - even if they're a bit clueless - other graduate students have flexible schedules and can be a big help. Not sure where you are based, though you mention Cambridge in one of your posts. Wherever you are, get in touch with your welfare service/tutor for graduates/college nurse and see what help and support is available for you - probably much more than you expect. Whatever your moral views on abortion, allowing yourself to be pressured into it if it's not what you want is definitely a bad idea and likely to make you unhappy in the long run (also quite unlikely to save the relationship with your boyfriend, I think). Good luck.

cottagemummy Tue 02-Dec-08 01:09:00

i too had a few drinks before i knew i was pregnant...doctor said dont worry all will be fine..and it was.
have a beautiful d/d and very happy.
so def having a termination because of a few drinks is madness.

justme85 Tue 02-Dec-08 01:24:00

I was on holiday at around 4/5 wks pregnant and had no idea and me and my boyfriend were extremely drunk most nights, not to mention at my graduation and I took cystitus sachets and immodium etc. The doctor assured me i'd b fine and it's not uncommon for people to b unaware they are pregnant for a longer period of time than 5 wks. I know someone who was drinking like a trooper up until 6 months as she was not aware she was pregnant and luckily she was fine but i am postive at such an early stage u have nothing to worry about. Like I said I wasn't aware I was pregnant and I had just finished my degree so I was partying like it was going out of fashion but to be prepared (in general not because of my lifestyle before I knew) I had all the tests done when I was offered them and the results were amazingly 5 times the average low risk score than that of people my age so clearly it didn't effect my baby according to the tests (although they aren't 100%) and my 20 wk scan everythign measured normally and was in working order. I can understand your worries but I think that u should c your gp and stop reading off the internet it sends u into over drive of the worst case scenarios and half of them do not have concrete evidence to support. If you want this baby I think you should maybe go for the early screening to put your mind at rest, you don't want to base a termination on what if surely. It's a blessing to be able to have children and you may regret aborting a baby especially as your holding yourself responsible for something that most probably hasn't harmed him/her.x

TinkerBellesMum Tue 02-Dec-08 16:54:50

When I was 24 weeks pregnant, almost 7 weeks ago, I went into labour. I had to be taken from Birmingham to Liverpool because there were no beds in the West Midlands. I asked the MW who went with me why it was so bad, she told me that it was Christmas and New Year and that it would be this bad again in a few weeks because of Valentines Day. Apparantly the hospital was oversubscribed this year in October. My point is that more babies than ever get concieved over the festive week and not because they were planned! (Side note, if you are TTC, try and avoid that time as you will find that hospitals are very busy September/October) Most of those babies will have been concieved in an alcoholic state and we're not having problems that most September babies are suffering from FAS.

lol SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore I'm glad I didn't look at my gardening abilities as a reason whether or not to have children! I can kill a cactus!

There is a study that shows that some alcohol can be beneficial to an unborn baby - especially males. If you look around the world (well, Europe mainly) you will see that drinking in pregnancy is classed as good for babies. I don't think you will find a bit of evidence that will say what you have done will damage your child.

"Are you similarly worried about your caffeine consumption?"

And aspartamine? Regular coke is far better for you and your baby than diet coke.

I think there should be a form of "abortion" for men. If a woman doesn't want the baby and he does, he loses out, if she does and he doesn't he's lumbered. I don't agree with abortion and think people should take responsibility for their actions but I do think men should be able to have their own version if women can. There should be something they can sign to say they won't contribute or try to get involved, that allows them to completely walk away.

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