Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Bleach during prenancy - poss tmi

(77 Posts)
twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 20:42:22

Hi, dh arranged for me to have some anal bleaching done as a birthday treat but now I am about 6 weeks pregnant. Do you think this would be ok?

ellideb Mon 04-Aug-08 20:42:56

Are you serious?

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 20:45:54

yes! I know that your hair can react weirdly to bleach during pregnancy but not sure about skin. I don't want to end up green or something.

ellideb Mon 04-Aug-08 20:48:14

Why oh why do you want to bleach your A hole and why oh why would you/your DP consider it a 'treat' Please enlighten me. Surely there are more suitable birthday treats out there?

Ledodgy Mon 04-Aug-08 20:53:56

Oh dear there really is no point bleaching your anus when in 8 months your fanjo will look like a car crash.

blowsy Mon 04-Aug-08 20:54:39

piss take, for sure

2point4kids Mon 04-Aug-08 20:54:59

wtf is anal bleaching???

Is that too rude for quote of the week Ledodgy?

It sounds like the opposite of a euphemism, if there is such a thing

ellideb Mon 04-Aug-08 20:57:41

2point4kids, I was just laughing over this with my DP after reading the OP, I think pornstars do it so that their anus is less brown/dark in colour and a prettier shade of pink. It's for those who are into anal sex I think??? Very much a Hollywood thing! (Why do I know about this??)

I think this beats WWB's elastic as worst present doesn't it??

Ledodgy Mon 04-Aug-08 21:00:02


nobodysfool Mon 04-Aug-08 21:09:07

i would have prefered flowers or perfume!
OP, you have made me laugh out loud,thankyou.

JamInMyWellies Mon 04-Aug-08 21:10:54


OP you have made both me and my DH go 'eugh' and then snigger a lot - ta grin

Seriously - if that's a 'treat', hate to thinkg what happens if he's pissed off...

wotulookinat Mon 04-Aug-08 21:14:02

Anal bleaching, wow what a treat... hmm

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 21:16:24

I know it does seem funny but he is a perfectionist we are already discussing vaginioplasty for after the birth. I am all about a wonderous natural experience for the birth and all but would like it all tidied up afterwards.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:16:25

Let's hope WWB's mil isn't on the thread then thisisyesterday - might give her ideas!

Also to the OP (if you are for real) - many women get piles etc during pg. I would imagine that bleach in that area would sting somewhat. - just a thought.

nobodysfool Mon 04-Aug-08 21:17:35

I'm stil laughing!!!!

pmsl even more at him being a fanjo perfectionist.

seriously? vaginoplasty? does it really matter what it looks like down there?????

wouldn't you have preferred a nice handbag or something?>

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:18:29

twiggle either you are trying to have a giggle, or you need to have a serious talk with your dp.

What will he do for the first few weeks after the birth when (let's be honest here) you will be in a bit of a mess even with a straightforward birth? Lots of bleeding, possible stitches, a bit "stretchy" etc etc.

Sidge Mon 04-Aug-08 21:19:31

Hope he's got enough cash for the stretch mark laser removal, tit lift and tummy tuck as well...

SiennaMillerLovesBotoxFiller Mon 04-Aug-08 21:20:33

Oh my dh has a friend whos wife is getting this done and she isn't even a porno star!

wotulookinat Mon 04-Aug-08 21:21:04

If he's a perfectionist in such extremem ways then he'll be filing for divorce when he sees your saggy boobs / saggy tummy / stretch marks / odd fanjo lips / roids / leaky boobs etc etc after the birth.
With a bit of luck, having a baby in the house will make him so tired that he won't notice that your asshole is a bit too dark in colour. hmm

feedmenow Mon 04-Aug-08 21:21:31

Twiggle, anal bleaching is not my cup of tea, but if it is something you want to do then maybe you could postpone til well after the birth when you are a bit more back to normal. I don't think I'd risk it in pregancy especially as it is quite a new procedure (at least, new as far as I've heard of!) and there probably isn't much known about the side/after effects.

wotulookinat Mon 04-Aug-08 21:22:02

YOu could just turn the lights off...

twiggle - you're not for real?

If you are then I'm guessing you have no pubic hair either...

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:23:58

feedmenow I'm not sure that the phrases cup of tea and anal bleaching should appear in the same sentence!

Ledodgy Mon 04-Aug-08 21:25:38

I agree with FMN and what if they splash a bit in the wrong hole your baby may come out looking like this! shock

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:26:45

Lol Ledodgy.

4/10 for amusement value to the tr op. grin

pmsl ledodgy

how come your birthday treat is something that only he gets to enjoy???
surely this should be his birthday treat?

cadelaide Mon 04-Aug-08 21:36:53

ledodgy, thankyou, thankyou.

I have just laughed for the first time today, and I really laughed! grin

feedmenow Mon 04-Aug-08 21:37:52

Fair do's lollipop. But am I OK to use cup of tea and chocolate starfish in the same sentence???

feedmenow Mon 04-Aug-08 21:37:53

Fair do's lollipop. But am I OK to use cup of tea and chocolate starfish in the same sentence???

feedmenow Mon 04-Aug-08 21:38:30

Oh, got so excited by the whole conversation that I posted twice. Ooops!

I have just really laughed out loud, thanks for that feedmenow grin

Was a right grumpy mare today, will now go to bed in a better mood!

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:41:56

cup of tea and "bottom" would be politer. grin

I just don't like the word anal very much.

Bizarrely in our baby names' book the name Anal/Annal (girl's name) appeared. Imagine if you were so knackered after giving birth that you actually thought "oh, nice name"
I suspect if you put it on the Baby Names' topic some kind mnetter would alert you to the inadvisability of Anal/Annal as a name!

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 21:47:29


thanks for putting a smile on my face, ladies.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:48:37

I saw your name expat and I thought for one horrible moment that perhaps you were thinking of having this type of "treat" done as well!!

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 21:49:42

how long have you been here, onepiece?

because all you old-timers know how i normally take the piss out of these shitepipe sex threads .

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:52:55

expat I have only been here a year, and only about 1500 posts last count! (so at least another year and 4 million or so posts before I can apply to be a regular!) grin

Mnet is slow tonight, this was the "best" thread so I might go to bed early tonight. The op has legged it now anyway.

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 21:53:47

either that or she's reaching for the Domestos .

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 21:54:52

Well ladies you should be taking better care of yourselves, there is nothing sexier than being all neat and tidy down below.

TBH I would want this for the birth. If I have a sexy obs. I don't want him getting an eyefull of a raisony asshole.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:55:45


She'll be on the health topic tomorrow complaining of a sore bottom and complaining the NHS Direct told her to go to A&E.

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 21:56:23

or even better, saying she's too embarrassed to see the GP about a savaged bumhole.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:57:19

twiggle I hate to break this to you but lots of women poo during labour...even those who have undergone anal bleaching. This could just spoil the effect a touch.

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 21:57:45

As if I would use domestos! dh has been eyeing up the Jolen Crème Bleach, cheapskate.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 21:58:39

It is possible to be very "neat and tidy" without resorting to bleach (imo)

For further info I would recommend typing "ladygarden" into the search section and you will get no end of advice/tips.

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 21:59:14

if you know you are having an OB to deliver you, why not just go for a csection and then you won't have to worry about your vagina being anything less than honeymoon fresh?


because believe it or not, whoever delivers you couldn't care less what your bumhole and fanny look like.

it's like looking at feet to them.

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 22:00:05

I go for bare driveway form of ladygardening iykwim.

twiggle Mon 04-Aug-08 22:01:07

honey, I ain't been honeymoon fresh for a long old time.

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 22:02:03

you might want to rethink that, twiggle. vaginal delivery can lead to saggy, hanging beef flaps. you may want some bush to camouflage.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 22:02:44

rofl at "honeymoon fresh".

Some of these posts could be entered for quote of the week grin

I work in the health service and have seen hundreds of bottoms and other body parts. Can't remember any of them to be honest, or what "state" any of them were in. It's just part of the job, like filing was when I worked in an office.

ahh am loving this thread.

right now am imagine the obstetrician that they have called in specially for Twiggle. you know, the one they get in just for people with nice pre-pubescent minge?
and he'll be all, "oh don't worry about the bloody great baby hanging out of your fanny, just look at the whiteness of your bumhole"

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 22:04:32

Funnily enough, the sexiest OB/GYN I ever met I worked with.

He was gay.

fwiw, there were 7 people in the room when I gave birth to ds1 and not one of them commented on the state of my fanny or bumhole.

not surprised. you're bound to get a bit bored of fannies when you work with them all day aren't you?>

MmeLindt Mon 04-Aug-08 22:06:52

LOL at this thread. I kept seeing it in Active Convos and could not understand why there were so many posts on a thread about bleach.

What a lovely thoughtful DH you have Twiggle. What else has he bought you as a birthday gift?

muggglewump Mon 04-Aug-08 22:16:29

Good grief I expected this to be about whether using bleach in pregnancy was safe in relation to cleaning the floor or some such, not whiten a ringpiece!
Do people really do this?

ooh, you know actually my birthday is coming up and dp and my mum want to know what to get me.

now I know just what to suggest!

SalLikesCoffee Mon 04-Aug-08 22:24:50
themoon66 Mon 04-Aug-08 22:33:29

I clicked on this thinking... ooooh i went mad on bleaching my kitchen worktops when I was pregnant.

How wrong was I hmm

kitkat9 Mon 04-Aug-08 22:37:47

pmsl Ledodgy and expat grin

hilarious thread

perhaps the op could show us before and after photos? And then after birth photos?

My fanjo looked like I'd been kicked by a horse after having ds1 -my midwife's words, not mine! shudder at the memory.

themoon66 Mon 04-Aug-08 22:47:48

Best post-birth fanjo description I ever saw was by (I think) morningpaper..... 'remains of the sunday roast on a plate'

wotulookinat Mon 04-Aug-08 23:15:41

I had a rather nice doctor deliver my baby. I'm sure, however, that after 30-odd hours of sweaty labour and after he had put both hands inside me to pull out the placenta, he couldn't have cared less how white my bottom-hole was.
In fact, when I asked how many stitches he was putting in, he said 'don't you worry yourself about that'.
My fanjo might not look the same anymore, but I sure as Hell wouldn't put myself thought costmetic surgey on it!

wotulookinat Mon 04-Aug-08 23:16:23

It's late - that should say 'through cosmetic surgery on it' blush

PetitFilou1 Tue 05-Aug-08 11:06:20

Thanks to the op and other posters for making me ROFL

twiggle Agree with the other poster who said that doing a pooh during labour (which often happens) may ruin the effect. My dh is a doctor and I can tell you he has seen everything and if he was delivering your baby he wouldn't give a monkeys whether you had a 'raisiny asshole' or whether it was white as the driven snow.

And with a serious response to your question - no I wouldn't have it done in pregnancy. Save the tidying up for afterwards. But... like others have said you may have to prepare your dh that you are going to be a bit of a car crash down there for a while ...

themoon66 Tue 05-Aug-08 11:48:43

He's done a reasonable job of trying to explain the phone. But how the hell did he explain about why on god's earth, he was naked in the garage???

I don't get this at all.

themoon66 Tue 05-Aug-08 11:50:36

ooops...posted on wrong thread blush

cadelaide Tue 05-Aug-08 11:58:30

themoon66, thankyou for that comic ending.

.....And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a perfect thread! grin

MadameCheese Tue 05-Aug-08 11:58:38

lol at Tm66!

onepieceoflollipop Tue 05-Aug-08 19:48:45

Oh I have literally howled at tm66. Classic ending!

moondog Tue 05-Aug-08 19:50:54

lmao at Moon

NigellaTheOriginal Tue 05-Aug-08 19:55:30

not sure about garage nudism but can i just point out that not all of us have ugly fanjos after giving birth. true it is a bit stretchier but i do not have lips like sides of beef or sagging piles. nor have i yet needed to resort to anal bleach but you never know - may give it a whirl.

WelliesAndPyjamas Tue 05-Aug-08 19:57:08

a dab of talc might do the trick, OP



tweeni Tue 05-Aug-08 20:30:07

apparently the op is me grin

it might be my birthday in 2 weeks but you lot have forgotten i don't have a dh!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now