my family keep trying to put me off having a home birth. help

[mad4mybaby]

Not giving birth for a while yet but had ds in hosp (really wanted him at home but dh v against it so had him in hosp) This time there is no way i want to do it agian in hosp (unless emergency obv) and there is a birthing centre about 15 mins away which im now under but still not sure about this.

Its a very quiet one, only has 300 births average a year. Thing is ds only 2 and i dont really have anyone that i know could drop everything (friends and family nearby all have school age children) so i dont want to be going into labour worrying about where ds will go.

People keep trying to put me off a home birth saying its tooo dangerous and that i should put the babys safety first not my preferences. Im getting the 'what if you need emergency caserean etc' the nearest hosp is 1/2 hour away. I know i have a while to decide but still worrying all the same

[ib]

You'll never get away from people spouting that kind of crap - if it's really what you want you'll just have to ignore them. The only one you have to get on side is your dh.

You can always just not tell them.

[belgo]

I had a home birth with dd2. We didn't tell anyone that's what we were planning as we didn't want to hear their opinions.

[PetitFilou1]

I am having a homebirth this time (dc3) - I had quick labours both times, never wanted to go into hospital second time round when the time came (but had no choice by that point obv!)and just want the comfort of knowing where my dcs are and that they are ok and close by. What are people basing their idea that homebirth is 'too dangerous' on? In the 70s most babies were born at home unless the mum was high risk. Try looking at aims.org.uk - some good information on there.

What was your first labour like? If ok, why are you worrying?

Good luck!

[Tinkerisdead]

Im planning a home birth too and as its my first everyone is panicking. Ive got a lovely supportive midwife who is key at talking through all the what if's. im 1/2 our from the hospital too but my midwife thinks thats not an issue. I read "call the midwife" which really helped me to see how birth used to be before the NHS existed and i feel much more empowered. Through talking to my midwife, i can tell my family exactly what would happen in the event of haemorrage, shoulder dystocia etc and they soon quitened down. Im due in Nov like you i think but talking through the scenarios has already left me feeling much more confident and able to ward off the negativity.

you have a higher risk of intervention in hospital so half of their fears are less likely at home anyway!

[mad4mybaby]

ds was only 4 hours! The minute it started it didnt stop. I didnt get any of that oh know here comes another contraction they talk about. I also had irregular contractions from start to finish. It does scare me abit at the same time though.

[ChocOrange05]

Mad4 As I understand you can get an even better level of care from a homebirth than a hospital one. Unlike the hospital where you have a midwife team supporting all mums to be, with a home birth you had your own midwife with you all the way. In addition most hospitals put an ambulance on standby for you in case of any problems.

I was going to have one too but decided our house was too small really.

How far are you from the hospital? Perhaps the distance and the ambulance thing could convince your DH?

Good luck - you should try and push your preference as you are the one who needs to feel most comfortable with this.

[iliketosleep]

I had a home birth with ds and it was one of the best decisions of my life, so much so that im having another!!

Its your birth no-one elses do it as you see fit!

[SBO]

Stick to your guns, I'm hoping to have the birth at home, my mum had me and my siblings at home. Being at home will make for a more relaxed birth and so less pain treatment needed I hear.

[anniewardrobe]

Hiya - this is my first message on mumsnet! Just wanted to tell you that I had my 1st baby, 2 years ago, at home in London and it was a wonderful experience. I had 2 midwives with me (which I never would have got it my local hospital) who were so attentive to my needs that it felt like private healthcare! Our boy was born at 5am, and by 6.30am we were tucked up in bed with tea and toast and ready for a little nap. I wish the same for you!

[mad4mybaby]

thanks guys, think is if i give birth in the day and this one goes same as ds i dont want ds seeing me even at the start of labour as dont want to scare him. If its a night would hope he'd sleep through it!

[merryberry]

tbh its getting to the understaffed over subscribed stage in NHS wards where hb is probably safer than inpatient ones. when i had ds2 in march there were two women in aftercare told they need EMC. One waited 95 minutes for hers, the other got high forceps instead as the unit was too busy. Both of them had birth stories where it was hard to understand why they had been induced in the first place, both had been bumped through the protocols with little or no seeing how things went, and only very intermittent midwife care, as the midwives were overloaded.

mine was a hb, fab. very experienced independent MW. could not get a hb due to catchment issues in central london. also did not want to depreive failing system of staff. no holidays for us for 2 years, likely, but there you do. was a fabulous experience, and as my thyroid consultant said afterwards, probably the best outcome, as the shoulder dystocia was exceptionally well managed by the MW - they didn't have those skills in their inpatient team, i'd have had a massive episiotomy and/or CS in her opinion in their care.

[laidbackinengland]

Hi mad, I agree with merry. I have had 2 HB's and am hoping for another with DC4. Because you have a midwife with you continuously, it feels like they are monitoring your progress closely and would pick up quickly on anything that might mean you need to be transferred to hospital. As you are probably aware, in hispital - the midwife is likely to be attending to other women in labour as well as you, so you might not get the same level of monitoring. I think we have a false notion that hospitals have doctors and anaesthetists at the ready to perform a CS immediately - in reality it's always going to take some time to set up. Good luck with your decision.

[milknosugar]

i planned home birth but ended up with em section. i am really happy with the way it went, its safe to keep reading!

i was worried about quick labour and no one to look after the kids aswell, that was main reason for wanting hb. as it turned out i was in very long slow almost kind of but not quite labour for about 3 days before my waters broke. we transferred to hospital because there was meconium in the waters (turned out to be breech baby). because i was having a hb the mw was there almost immediately and the ambulance was called when we started to think there may be a chance i would need it. they hung around for about 20 mins while i was examined by mw. if i was planning a hospital birth i dont think i would have had the same level of care and true labour came on so fast i dont think the ambulance would have been there anything like as quickly. luckily i am 5 mins from the hospital so it was v quick to get there, but in my situation it wouldnt have mattered how far away i was - i needed the ambulance and it was here quicker (i believe) because i was planning a hb.

remember you can change your mind at any time if you are booked in for a hb. not the case if you book into hospital. my mw said women often know if something is wrong and want to transfer - that was def case with me. all went well and ds is fab, i even liked the section

[mel2005]

ignore what people say, my FIL said i was stupid to have a home birth with my second child.
i had my first in hospital and if i never have to step foot in that maternity ward again it will be a good thing. it was terrible, they are understaffed and just cant cope and often have to close and send mothers in labour to a hospital 65 miles away.
with my second, i didnt have anybody i could trust to leave my 17month old with so i decided to have a homebirth and it was fantastic. we are about 30 mins from the hospital and 10 mins from the ambulance station. because i was so relaxed at home i had a very quick labour 3hrs and i had my little girl 15 minutes after the midwives arrived. they are lovely and make tea and toast and clear everything up (from the labour) and take it all away. they stay to make sure you are ok and you have been feeding baby and have had a shower. i think they were there a couple of hours after the birth. my little boy was asleep upstairs. but had it happened during the day it would have been ok. i bought him a play kitchen as a gift from his little sister to keep him busy. i am planning a homebirth again and would recommend it to anyone. it didnt hurt much at all, the gas and air value froze in the midwives car so i didnt manage to get much pain relief and the tens machine kept stopping contractions, i didnt care because it wasnt really bad i was just really relaxed and calm.
i started having contractions in the morning and on and off all day, so i kept busy at home baking etc. then went into proper labour that evening. i just paced around the room and used the ball to get the baby down and get through the contractions, i was all so easy. i have lovely memories of the birth unlike the bad memories from the first birth.
its great putting baby into the cot having a shower in your own shower and sleeping in your own bed. the only downside was that i had her at 11.45 that night and went to bed about 3am, then FIL turned up that morning.

stick to your guns, if your pregancy is normal and you have a hospital close incase of an emergency you will have a better labour at home. you will also be more relaxed as you know your older child is safe with you. i will be better/healthier/easier for you and baby.
if you need extra help the midwives will get you to the hospital, they dont take risks. your husband can take your toddler with you to the hospital in an emergency they cant stop you.
i packed a bag for me, baby, husband and my toddler ready just incase i did get rushed in. pack snacks and drinks, some new toys and some old ones and all the usual hospital stuff. if you get rushed in OH can dump it in the boot of the car and take toddler in the car with him, so you can drive back afterwards, the car park costs were free for the night we had our first baby (you might want to check with your hospital).
you dont need anything much at home, just tea and coffee, a few towels and blankets for baby and a waterproof sheet i had some of those bedmats for toilet training toddlers on top of a sheet on a waterproof sheet to protect the carpet(the midwives did bring some disposable waterproof sheets as well) i did it in the lounge as it was the warmest part of the house and we were having major building work done and only had a logburner to heat the house.
you can always change your mind when the time comes if you decide giving birth at home is not for you in the early stages you dont have far to the hospital.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Why are you even having the conversation with your family? I've mentioned it to my mum (she didn't believe I was serious ) and not mentioned it at all to my inlaws because I don't think it's any of their bloody business!

Especially if you have short labours it's worth planning for a homebirth anyway - if you decide to transfer either to a mw unit or hospital that's fine, but it's a lot easier to prepare for homebirth and transfer than just decide on the day you are staying at home.

[Fufulina]

Am expecting my first in December, and would like a hb.

Completely agree with whomovedmychocolate - am not discussing it with anyone - as everyone has such strong opinions, and would think I'm mad... Also, don't want to explain that I'm going for hypnobirthing as well. Would probably push everyone over the edge...