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Feel so ashamed....just found out the sex

(84 Posts)
FeelingSoAshamed Fri 30-May-08 12:19:44

I have changed my name for this as I am too ashamed to use my regular name.

I am 12 weeks pg with DC3 and have just had my nuchal scan - all fine. At the end, the sonographer said, "shall we have a look to see if it's a boy or a girl?" and I readily agreed. He said that at this stage, there is an 80% chance of being correct as you are looking for a shape. Apparently, girls' bit slant to the side whereas boys' point upwards.

It's a boy - and I am gutted. I have 2 DDs already and assumed that I would have another one. If I am really honest I would probably have wanted another girl if I had had a choice. DH is over the mooon, esp as this baby was unplanned and he has been a bit hesitant about it until now. I can't believe how dreadful I feel. And I also can't believe what a shitty person I am for feeling like this. My beautiful baby is healthy and I had the best odds of all being well out of all 3 pregancies.

I am now at home and having a little cry. My girls are out til 2pm. I love them so much and have such a wonderful relationship with them, I just don't know how I am going to have the same with a boy. I simply can't imagine being the mother of a boy, but I obviously am going to be so need to get used to it.

Thanks for reading this far - please can someone give me a round slap around the head and tell me it'll all be OK? I know in the grand scheme of things this is a daft thing to be upset about but I can't help it.

TIA

hercules1 Fri 30-May-08 12:20:36

I think you are allowed to have a little weep. smile

Berrie Fri 30-May-08 12:22:39

I wanted another boy when I got pregant the 2nd time. I was scared of having a girl. It was a girl and all my fears melted away.
I'm sure that you will love your boy too! smile

sarah293 Fri 30-May-08 12:22:45

Message withdrawn

bogie Fri 30-May-08 12:23:29

It will be fine I am having a girl this time and I wanted another boy because my ds is so much fun and I love everything he does.
Im sure your just feeling like this because its the unknown you will love it when he arrives

controlfreakyagain Fri 30-May-08 12:23:41

when you've stopped blubbing for the dd you thought you were having..... remember, boys are FAB!
... and how reliable is sexong at 12 week scan hmm?

anorak Fri 30-May-08 12:26:13

I had two girls and then a boy, much later when i thought I was finished with having kids. I felt like you, I liked little girls, and although I played a large part in bringing up my brother, it was decades before, and I felt these little hoodlums wearing football kit and riding bikes were off my radar.

But I now have a 7 yr old with a crew cut, football kit and bike, and I adore him. He is funny, loving and sweet as well as football-mad and full of energy. Don't be afraid, you are going to have a son, and he is going to be wonderful and you will love him to pieces. You won't be able to resist him.

Sus19 Fri 30-May-08 12:26:33

When you're 12 weeks pregnant remember that your hormones are having a big effect on how you think about things. Don't feel guilty about how you feel I'm sure a lot of women if they're honest would admit to mixed feelings about having either a boy or a girl. When you've had some time to get used to the idea you'll probably start to get really excited about the idea of a little boy running around the place. Think how your girls can dress him up. The crux of it is that this was an unplanned preg so you're probably still getting over the shock of that - to then be told its a boy when you hoped for a girl maybe feels like a double whammy,.
Don't be too hard on yourself - have a cry and start to think positively about all the things a little boy will add to your family )
good luck

PortAndLemon Fri 30-May-08 12:26:51

<<slaps FSA>> It'll all be OK...

I think it's natural to be a bit thrown for a while, especially if you were expecting the other sex -- to an extent you are mourning the DC who existed in your head but you're not going to have. I didn't have any real preferences, and have a DS and a DD, but each time I've felt that my baby is the opposite sex from what it's turned out to be, and each time I've felt a bit sad for a few days at losing my imaginary DC.

Have a little weep if you like. I thought I might be disappointed when my scan showed I was having a boy. I already have a DD and when I got pregnant I imagined I'd like another girl.

However.......

my gorgeous son is now 3 months old and he is the best baby ever. Little boys, I have found, are magical. All the parents of boys I know sing their praises.

I bought this book Raising Boys and I found it very helpful.

And last but not least, congratulations on your pregnancy.

jassara Fri 30-May-08 12:27:31

Boys are wonderful i have 2, and every day they say 'luv you mom' and give me a big hug. They always seem close to their mommies, you'll love it!

i have had a few boys when the 'ordered' gender was girl and am sooo in love and happy , you wait and see!

popsycal Fri 30-May-08 12:29:24

Boys are fabulous. They really, truely are!

DH was a little upset (no, that is too strong a word really) when we found out that ds3 was ds3 not a dd but he is totally fine with it.

Once you get used to the idea of something 'different' you will see that boys are brill.

Elmosgirl Fri 30-May-08 12:29:59

It's ok to have a cry, if it is any consolation I have 2 dd's, we will probably have a third child at some point. I think initially I would feel similar to being told it was a boy, I just can't imagine being a parent to a boy at all.

But they will all be your children regardless of their sex and i'm sure you don't need us to tell you that when the time comes you will love him just the same....to start with they are all just gorgeous newborn babies anyway.

Dior Fri 30-May-08 12:31:23

Message withdrawn

PeachyWontLieToYou Fri 30-May-08 12:32:09

boys are fab (I should know, have 4!)

its ok to be a bit upset... esp. with hormones- but the rlationship between a little boy and his Mum is magical.

give yuorself a bit of space to adjjust, it'll all be fine

TsarChasm Fri 30-May-08 12:34:14

It's probably just the feeling of the unknown. You know all about little girls and no doubt are a wonderful mummmy to them.

You're in for a lovely treat though. A little chap is just as wonderful I promise (I have two girls and a boy) You won't regeret it. He'll be a joy.

ceebee74 Fri 30-May-08 12:34:38

I don't think you are alone in this!

I am having similar feelings - am 14 weeks pg, already have one DS and I cannot imagine having a girl (and neither can DH) - my DS is the light of my life and I can't even start to imagine having those feelings for a baby girl! Dh has never been around baby girls and is very nervous at the thought.

If, when we have the 20-week scan, it turns out to be a girl, I am fully expecting to go through the same emotions that you are going through smile

I think it is definitely a case of 'better the devil you know'.

I agree with the others, it is a fear of the unknown.

I was the same when I found out I was having a boy, my DD was 2yo and I was just so unsure about how I would cope with a rowdy boy.

When he was born I asked the midwife to show me how to change his nappy as I "don't do boys bits".

Now he is almost 4yo and the most affectionate lovely little darling imaginable. Yes, he can be rowdy and he is as stubborn as a mule but he is always ready to give me or his sister a cuddle.

DS was much much easier in the terrible twos than his sister.

Have a look at my photos, he is such a sweetie. Just imagine, that could be your little darling in 4 years time.

Allow yourself time to come to terms with the surprise, weep a bit and then think about the fab things about boys.

bogwobbit Fri 30-May-08 12:46:45

Don't feel ashamed. You had a picture in your mind of the baby you were having which has been 'shattered' (probably too strong a word but you know what I mean) and that plus hormones is putting your emotions into overdrive.
I had 2 dds then a ds (and then many years later another dd). I loved my dds and when I had my ds I found I loved him just as much. You will too, I'm sure of it. So, of course it will be 'all right' in fact it'll be better than all right.
Most important thing now, is be nice to yourself and don't beat yourself up over feeling disappointed.

FeelingSoAshamed Fri 30-May-08 13:39:01

Thanks so much everyone. You have made me feel so much better smile. I know rationally that it will be OK but the emotional part of me still feels a bit odd. I am sure once I "get over" the girl I am not having it will be fine.

Thanks again.

Rowlers Fri 30-May-08 13:43:11

I felt similarly.
Was so besotted with first bord dd that I thought second time around that I could only love another little girl.
When ds arrrived, I was instantly over the moon. It felt just right.

LynetteScavo Fri 30-May-08 13:47:13

Whe I found out the sex of DD I burts into tears and said "I don't wan't a girl" It wasn't really that I didn't want a girl, I was just expecting another boy, already having 2.

I think it's natural to want another of what you already have.

Eve34 Fri 30-May-08 13:51:26

We have agreed that we could try for another baby, the things that is stopping me is I would really like another boy. I know it is terribly ungrateful of me and I count my blessings but I so would like another boy I don't know how I would react if we were to be having a girl.

I had my 20 week scan on Wednesday and felt just the same, I have a sister and a DD so I am used to girls. I enjoy girls and feel confident with them, also liked the idea of being able to re-use all her clothes etc again. Anyway the scan showed that the baby is a boy and although I thought I was not bothered about the sex I was disappointed sad. I had a good cry and today I feel much better.

I can't imagine being the mother of boys either but have decided to do everything I can such as reading books about raising boys and starting to buy baby boys clothes. I know this will make me positive about having a boy smile

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