feeling really down about this pregnancy

[mad4mybaby]

am 9 weeks and have really had enough. Was put on anti sickness pills yesterday as went to gp nearly in tears. Feeling so nauseaous all the time. I can barely move. Have a 22 month ds who i just cant cope with at the moment. Its really making me feel that i really dont want another baby (dont worry wouldnt dream of termination)

Top all off, my dh is seeing a speacialist thursday as he may have cancer. My nan had a fall last week and still in hospital, my dad is having an operation on monday and my ds has to have a scan next week as may have kidney reflux.

Tried talking to dh about it all but at the moment dont want to add to his already huge problem as hes worried enough as it is. I just feel like i cant cope and really dont want to be pregnant anymore. Dont know how im going to last till november.

Sorry i know there are people with worse problems i just felt like letting it all out

[LittleMy34]

Poor you! Sounds like you're having a really tough time of it. Run a big bubble bath once your 22 month old is in bed and have yourself some chocolate biscuits, and remember: the morning sickness WILL pass and you WILL feel normal again. It's really hard to remember that it does go away eventually when you feel so awful!

And don't beat yourself up about feeling like you don't want to be pregnant - the early stages are so grim for some people that I'm not surprised you feel this way. It will get better.

And it won't do your DS any harm to have a bit of CBeebies while you put your feet up

HTH
x

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Poor you xxxxx nothing sensible to say but it sucks in a few weeks you should feel less sick and things will look brighter xxx

[Oblomov]

Mad4, I am on your antenatal thread and have posted for you before :

mad4 - "is there NOONE out there who feels as bad as me?!? "
How bad is it mad4 - tell all and let us atleast give you some sympafy, if nuffink else .

I also posted at my not wanting to be pregnant anymore:

It is my discomfort that is making me miserable. Then on top of that, my diabetes went mad, they thought I had got ketones and we going to admit me and put me on a drip for 2 days. As it turned out, everything was o.k. and I didn't need to be admitted.
Dh has his dream job interview today. He said that he couldn't cope with all of this. He said he didn't want me to be pregnant anymore. And I agreed. I don't want this anymore.
I enjoyed my last pregnancy, even despite struggling with diabetes. But this is killing me.

I am so sorry that yyou are feeling this way. I am feeling a tiny bit beteetr about things now. But let me support you, becasue I really do understand.

What with dh and nan and being SO sick, you really are up against it.
IT WILL get better. PROMISE

[mad4mybaby]

thanks oblomov. Felt i needed to get off that thread as was on it all the time and most of those who posted every, day were feeling great and got fed up of hearing it tBH. Dont get me wrong, im really glad for those who are sailing through, really i am. Also felt i went unnoticed as most of my threads werent being answered (by those who were always on it not everyone as a few have been great, you inc)

I just cant believe i feel like this toward a child i planned. I suffered like this when pg with ds but i guess i had no one else to look after, was signed off work most of the pg. Just dont know who to worry about first at the moment.

Dh works away alot aswell. Im such a whinger, im sorry to moan about my life

[ceebee74]

Mad4 - so so sorry you are feeling like this. It makes my worries seem so trivial.

All you can do is get through one day at a time. Is there anyone who can take DS off your hands for a few hours so you can get some rest?

So about all your family and their health problems. It must be so awful for you to deal with on top of the hideous ms.

Please continue posting and remember that those on the ante-natal thread who are now feeling better felt like we did just a couple of weeks ago - so it DOES get better.

[lackaDAISYcal]

oh, mad4, sorry you are feeling like this

If it's any consolation I felt like that when I was pregnant with DD, and she couldn't have been more wanted after two m/cs. I had really bad sickness for ages, and then i was having the most horrendous mood swings. My poor DH was on the verge of leaving me at one point as I was such a cow to live with.

Then I read some stuff about Ante-Natal Depression when I was about 30 weeks pregnant and it all clicked into place. DH marched me to the GPs, I was put on ABs and referred to the neo-natal depression unit. I think I was still carrying a lot of baggage from the m/cs and had lost my dad and been diagnosed with coeliac disease as well as a few ither life changing moments and I think it all just got on top of me and was made much worse by the hormones. Life got a whole lot better after that appointment (probably just talking about it all helped). there are some good threads on it on here if you do a search.

I'm not saying you have AND, but current research is showing that a lot of cases of PND actually start in pregnancy. Talk to your GP about how you feel and ask if you can speak to a counsellor at the very least. this worry with your DH is probably not helping things at all. I hope you feel better soon.

Come back and say Hi on the thread

[mad4mybaby]

hi ceebee, thanks. No i dont really have anyone who will have ds. only dh at the w/e and we obviously try be a family at w/e's. I guess your right about others that are further ahead, 4 weeks arent really significant but the diff between 9 weeks and 13 weeks is huge now isnt it!

Ob, you didnt have to post on our ante natal for me but v kind of you. Dont want others thinking i was bitching though.

[Oblomov]

I totally understand. I felt that I was just depressing everyone, and was feeling so miserable, that I felt I couldn't go on there and pull everyone else down - most people are just sailing through and there is lotsof fivolity and jokes.
So, I had to go to the miscarirage thread. I felt I could be my miserable depressed self there
When I felt a bit beeter about everything, I went back to antenatal thread.
Do not feel miserable. Mad4mybaby, you have been having a REALLY TOUGH time. Please accept that.
My second was DESPERATLY WANTED. And I was very very sad, that my mc tokk away my joie de vivre. And when I posted that post about not wanting to be pregannt anymore, that mad me really sad.

But please appreciate, I DO UNSDERSTAND that you do want your child. I also appreciate, as you must, that your feelings are totally ACCEPTABLE.
You have had alot on your plarte. And oyu are sick as a dog.
IT IS OK. to feel this
excuse typing/speling, trying to type really fast to you.

[mad4mybaby]

ob, youve made me cry! Talk about bloody pg hormones! Thanks all for your words of support, i know i just need to get through these next couple of weeks..

Lacka, hi. Thanks. Re your comment about AND, i suffered badly with pnd after ds and only came off ADs a few months before conceiving this dc. I know now it did start before he was born as i had such a rough pg all the way through with him but he was v ill and the doc didnt believe me until he was 8 weeks old so that sent me doolally! Have spoke to gp about me worrying about getting it again and she says she will keep eye out for me. Situation is completely diff this time round. Will have to be getting out and about as i have ds instead of being able to shut myself in like i did with ds! I think this is jsut all down to the bad things that are going on with everybody dear to me health

[Oblomov]

I have not had depression as such before, although did start to wonder if I was depressed the other day
But, in my last pregnancy, i had no preg symptoms, no nausea. I was just battling with my diabetes the whole time .
This tiem I have been in almost constant discomfort. And also pain where I have yealped , it has been this bad. All medics are totally dismissive. I have been MISERABLE. And this was just a shock, because i never had any of this with ds.So like I say, I do understand.
We will ge tthrough this mad4. In a few weeks, hopefully we willl get into the 2nd trimester and start Blooming.
We will get through it TO'GEVER.

[pinkyminky]

Mad4, we are not fed up of you! Poor love.
We had a rotten time with my last pg. I had HG, my mil had cancer, my Fil had a subdural haematoma and had brain surgery. MY family are not a very sympathetic bunch. I was a bit depressed for a while after DD. was born, and there were many moments during the pg that I felt I'd made a terrible mistake.
For most, pregnancy is this blissful time of blooming and being pampered, for many of us we just feel shit. I hope you don't think I have been crowing about feeling well, it's just that I was terrified I'd feel as bad as last time.
I was heart broken at how little I couuld do for my DS, I can't really remember him walking for the first time etc.But do be comforted in the knowledge that he wont suffer any damage from this period, and you are giving him the best gift in the world- a lovely family.
I'm glad you are getting some treatment for your nausea, but bear in mind they may make you sleepy - what are they?
Some people will not understand how you feel- but there are lots of us who do- most sincerely.
See, I wibble on inanely- I prolly drive everyone up the wall, but it does me good.

xxxxxx big hugs. Being pregnant sucks, but babies are scrummy!

[Oblomov]

Plus, don't worry about being depressing, on the thread. They are all so nice. And very understanding. We all will go through some 'shit' ast some stage, I am sure.

[mad4mybaby]

thanks pinky. Ive been given Promethazine. Hasnt helped at all. Made me a bit drowzy but not until quite a few hours later which i find odd as i can take them 3 times a day..

[Oblomov]

Mad4, its not bitching AT all.
Besides, where can you have a bloody good moan, if not on mumsnet ? Its only in Rl that you have to pretend to mbe o.k.
On mumsnet you can let your tru miserable self trualy hang out. HA ha.
Did you know that lots of people , not jsut me have been asking after you.
makes oyu feel all loved and cared for, in your time of need

[pinkyminky]

mad4 if they are not working go straight back and get something else, sometimes you have to try a few different ones. Buccastem is one of those that melts in the mouth and is meant to be good for nausea, now it didn't help me,but others have found it good. A lot of anti-emetics used for pregnancy are old style anti-histamines, which is why they make you really sleepy.
You do sound a bit depressed to me, I know I withdraw when I'm depressed, I feel noone understands and I'm just dragging the happy people down, but we are here for you.xx

[dozymare]

mad4 - I am coming posting on this rather than the AN thread....I am sure I speak for all of us when I say we are totally here for you, and totally supporetive. Everyone goes through different shite (excuse my language) at different times during their PG. A few weeks ago Oblomov (sorry to mention your name!) was really low and last week I was. Are you near any of us on the AN thread?? Maybe if you are, we could pop round and give you some moral support???????

AS for your sickness, I really didn't realise it was quite so bad, and for that I am truly sorry xxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxx

[mad4mybaby]

thanks dozy, you dont need to apologise. It never rains it pours and all that.

[Oblomov]

no trouble Dozy, quote away/single me out, not a prob - and I mean that.
You guys were my apsolute support,the other week, and I can't thank you enough.

[dozymare]

are you feeling low ATM - would it help to mention it to your MW and see if you can get some councilling??? As I have said on the an thread itreally helped me and I have my first appointment this PG on Friday..

[Oblomov]

Also, LackaDASIY suggested a helpline to me, a week/couple of weeks ago, re miscarriage. I phoned them. It was so nice to talk to a stranger. No face, as it where. I poured my heart out and sobbed and sobbed. I can't tell you what a release it was.
Would something similar be good for you ? Maybe that is not what you want, but it was just a thought.

[mad4mybaby]

not really great at talking to strangers TBH. Have had counselling in the past and not really got on with it but thanks for suggesting it. I think i need to get through the next 10 days and then hopefully all my family issues will be resolved one way or another (good or bad) at least then i wont have as much going on.

Going to ring doc in morning try get diff medicine i think.

Thanks for all your responses guys, i really appreciate it. Wierd isnt it how a bunch of relative strangers can be the best people to pour your heart out to!

[pinkyminky]

This may sound a bit silly, but I found getting out of the house a big relief. I would walk with DS to the nearest patch of green space and get a bit of air. Ok my skin tone blended with the grass, and people did occasionally ask if I needed medical attention, but it did make me feel a bit better. We used to take a bucket and DS would collect treasures and bring them to me.
I wish I was nearby, I'd love to help out properly.

[mad4mybaby]

just realised how much i contradicted myself about strangers below! Thanks pinky i really appreciate your concerns. I agree with the getting out thing. Go out every day with ds (have to otherwise he turns into a caged animal!) although he is having quite a few stops at the mo (have another whinging thread going on at the mo about him!) and struggling with him. Went to the park this am and was going fine until he decided he wanted to go up the big climbing frame! Thing is he somehow managed to get up it but it was v high and i struggled getting up to get him!

Then went to an animal sanctuary this pm and he was stropping for no reason and wanted me to carry him round half of it (at 2 stone not that light)

but there you go. i know i just need to get throuh next few weeks..

[smilesattheweekend]

Mad4 - take care of yourself! Its not easy to cope with all you have on at the moment, the only advice I can offer is take one day at a time. After 4 mc, my husband being made redudant (the day after the last mc) the car got broken into and stuff stolen within a week, plus still grieving for my dad who died a while ago, I just felt I couldn't take any more. DH and I just had to hold our hands up and say what will be will be and there are lots of things we can't change but we can try and keep ourselves sane by just taking it bit by bit and being there for each other. I am now 10+4 and praying that everything is ok and going to be ok. I know the stuff I have been through is minute compared to what you have going on, but I didn't want to talk to anyone (counselling). MNet is a good place to vent as there are so many people who care which is amazing. Not sure if this helps.

x Smiles

[pinkyminky]

One of my dearest mummy friends said to me once when I was at my lowest ebb, 'this too shall pass'. It sounds really trite but I found it a real comfort.
It sounds to me like you are doing all that you can do, and, like you say, you just have to get through this period as best you can. x