When did you tell your friend and family the news?

[Jane7]

Hello, I am roughly five and a half weeks pregnant and deeply excited. It seems such a long way away that I can share my news.
So far, only my partner, mother and one girlfriend knows. It's so hard keeping it to myself though. Did you wait the full three months before telling people? Also, I'm finding it hard to cover up that something is up. The fact that I'm turning down wine and heading home early is being detected. Any tips....?

[nh101andhertwinbeans]

I told everyone straight away and I was only 3 weeks and 4 days PG when I found out!!!

I did the same last year when I was PG with my first (unfortunately though I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks)

Everyone is different, I think the thing to consider is if, God forbid, things don't work out, would you want people to know? Everyone knew about my pregnancy and I found all their kind words very helpful after I lost my baby. But some people would rather others didn't know.

[nh101andhertwinbeans]

Congratulations by the way!!!!

[PrettyCandles]

Congratulations - welcome to the rollercoaster .

First time, we told only our parents (and my aunt, so that my mum would have someone to talk to about it). I told my manager at 6-7w because I was struggling to cope with the morning sickness. But we only announced to the world at large after the first scan at about 11w.

I thought it was obvious that I was pg, but nobody noticed at all!

[nailpolish]

i delayed the news to delay the constant barrage of unwanted advice and never ending phone calls

[nh101andhertwinbeans]

I agree you need support after a MC and if you haven't told anyone you were PG it must be so difficult.

I say embrace your excitement - telling people you are PG is wonderful and if things dont' work out then deal with that then. For now, enjoy it!

[Rosa]

Only immediate family as soon as I knew and then everybody else after 3 months and cv scan ( Older mum here!)

[Sanwi]

family and close friends straight away - wanted them to share excitement and know the reason for not drinking etc. Work and everyone else - after first scan

[Mum2b2BabyRoo]

Told everyone straight away - too excited not to!

[bobsmum]

Told parents straight after test.

Everyone else - until the scan.

If I had any really really close friends whose shoulders I could cry on then I would tell them sooner.

Only tell people early if you feel comfortable about untelling them if things go wrong.

[PetitFilou1]

Hi Jane and congratulations

This is my 3rd and I have been cautious this time as nearly lost ds (first one) at 6 weeks so have only been telling everyone gradually. I am 35 and was supposed to be waiting for my scan to tell people this time (as am slightly nervous because of being a bit older) but haven't succeeded and have told quite a few people now. I find it impossible to keep it a secret so fingers crossed the scan and blood tests will be ok.

[piggyp]

Congratulations! I didn't tell anyone apart from dh till after the scan. Was very superstitious till then and also rather enjoyed having a lovely secret! Family all guessed but luckily didn't say anything! At work I just told a few people and let the news get out gradually.

[Jane7]

Thanks for all this advice. The silly thing is, I would like to tell more people, but I feel somehow that by telling them, I might make a miscarriage somehow more likely. In a Sod's Law kind of way. That's silly, isn't it?

[piggyp]

May be silly but certainly exactly how i felt, i think lots of people do!

[nh101andhertwinbeans]

That is definitely silly (although lots of people feel that way). There is nothing you can do to stop a miscarriage from happening or cause it to happen.

I still think the support you'd get if you MC'd outweighs the supersition aspect of it. But a lot of people feel like you do.

There is no right and wrong. Hope all goes well for you!!!

[lollipopmother]

I told some people but am now regretting it as I wasn't as far along as I thought and although I've had a scan that detected a heartbeat I still can't help but worry, which is only natural. I think telling your family and a couple of friends are fine, you're only going to end up telling them if you have an MC anyway, but that doesn't mean to say the whole office needs to know.

[PurlyQueen]

We told immediate family (my mum and sister and PILs) straight away and made the news more public after my 12-week scan.

Told my boss at 10 weeks because I looked and felt so nauseous.

[neolara]

I agree with the others who say that you might as well tell those people who you would want to support you if you were unlucky enough to miscarry. Personally, I think the problem with telling a lot of people is that if it does go wrong, you do not necessarily want to deal with other people's reactions at the time they choose to give them. You might well want to talk about things and that's fine. But there will probably be other occasions when you'll be on the brink of tears anyway and not fancy bawling your eyes out in front of people you don't know that well just because they bring the subject up. You'll want to talk about it on your terms. Also, lots of people don't really understand what it is like to miscarry unless it has happened to them and you can get lots of insensitive, but well meaning, comments. This is not great when you are already feeling crap.

Congratulations by the way. Hope it all goes well.

[pigleychez]

We told both sets of parents, siblings and grandparents straight away. Got my bfp before i was even late!- So very early but we had been trying for 3 months which everyone knew about and we were so terribly excited and knew they would be too! - cue Mothers screaming down the phone!

Told a few other close friends just before the scan- again couldnt wait!

Told my manager about 6/7 weeks as i was sooo tired and was finding myself falling asleep at work and running late in the mornings as i was struggling to even wake up!

I love peoples reactions when telling them im pregnant! Such a happy occasion so Congrats!!

Its completely personal choice as to when you tell people. I wouldnt have been able to keep a straight face without cracking and not telling people.
Like my DH said Sad things like Miscarriages will happen regardless who youve told and i would prefer the support if anything bad had happened.

[accessorizemybaublessanta]

My rule is only to tell someone before 12-14 weeks if I'd feel ok telling them I'd had a miscarriage, which works out to family and a few close friends each time.

And of course I'll talk about it on mn until the cows come home (I'm 5 1/2 weeks too with no.3 - have you joined the due October antenatal thread?)

[chiswick]

I am 7 weeks and very excited. When I first found out I was itching to tell someone - and only told 3 friends mostly because they're most likely to notice me having afternoon naps and looking grey/terrible, and because I just had to have someone to talk to about it! Would like to tell boss if only to make my new 'double life' a bit easier - but it seems too early... Couldn't tell my mother - if i had a MC she would link it to something I'd done or not done in my life - at some point!!I'm looking forward to getting to 12 weeks and telling all our friends and family. We're both really excited.

[bogie]

with ds1 i dp told his family at 8 weeks

preg again now and were going to wait untill 12 weeks but i was taken into hospital at 7 weeks so dp had to tell everyone so he could arrange childcare for ds