When did/do you tell everyone and why?

[boHOHOhemianbint]

Last time we told everyone at about 8 wks ish, I think.

I'm currently 6 wks ish and we were going to keep it a secret for a while, but actually, especially with all the festive carry ons, I'm getting really fed up with lying and on the brink of telling people.

The only people I don't want to know is the out-laws; we told them at 8 wks last time and they said nothing. We later found out they thought we shouldn't tell as I wasn't 12 weeks and what if it died? Nice.

So what have you done/will you all do?

[doubleEGGnog]

With first pregnancy (DS 22 months) I told my close family and my boss, plus a couple of close friends at 6 weeks. Outlaws were told a bit later, but only because DH wanted to tell them face to face so I think I was 9 weeks then. I told the entire world at 12 weeks after the scan.

This pregnancy (twins due 2 Feb) I again told close family as soon as I found out (4.5 weeks) and a couple of close friends, but when I found out it was twins at 8 weeks I found it harder to keep quiet and did tell a few others.

Oh, and I told everyone on MN before I even told my family (but after my DH...).

[Mummywannabe]

i had full intentions of only telling immediate family straight away and then everyone else after 1st scan. ended up telling mostly all over last few weeks (am 12 weeks now). Was obvious to anyone who knows me (belly!), girls at work guessed due to loud heaving coming from bathroom. Figured if things go wrong they would know anyway. Totally your decision. Congratulations by the way!

[boHOHOhemianbint]

THank you!

I have to be the rubbishest secret-keeper in the world. Doesn't help that am fit for nothing at the moment and fall asleep at every possible opportunity...

[Surfermum]

I didn't have to tell anyone who was in close contact with me. I was turning green at the sight of food and refusing alcohol.

[Pheebe]

We told close family (both sets of parents and siblings) early as had a history of multiple mcs and needed the emotional support and with DS2 the practical support to look after him if a hospital stay was required.
I have to say I can understand your 'outlaws', by which I take to mean your partners parents, attitude as they're quite right, many people do chose not to say anything until 12 weeks and they've had the growth scan when the risk of mc plummets.
We decided that if we told my parents it wsa only fair to tell DH's also. Depends how much you all like each other I guess
Congrats and good luck with your pg, second babies are fab (DS2 is 7 weeks today!)

[boHOHOhemianbint]

Cheers Pheebe, I really need to hear things like that as am getting a bit scared. My dad keeps saying that 1+1=more than 2 and it's starting to worry me, 1 seems an awful lot at the mo!

[Pheebe]

Hi boHO
I can honestly say that everything has been easier this time around. For us 1+1 certainly hasn't been more. DS2 seems to have just slotted right in. Everything, well almost everthing, has been a real pleasure. yes there's more to do but it jsut doesn't feel like more 'work'. We have a good routine in place for DS1 (he's now 3) and have pretty much stuck to it, working DS2s needs into that. I think its because we haven't had to deal with the shock of becoming parents this time and that we 'know what we're doing' in practical terms.

[Mumblesmummy]

I told everyone (family) when I was 3 and a half weeks pregnant (we got an early BFP) and it was lovely. By the time I was 4 weeks pregnant, we had baskets full of prezzies and alsorts!! However, my MIL had had 3 MCs last year and so she was very warey (and still is- I'm 21 weeks now). However, she said the other day that she thinks I worry much too much over nothing. Which confused me as I've had bleeds and everything this pregnancy so I'm bound to worry. Strange eh?

Everyone has different opinions on when to tell- even the people you tell have opinions on it. Personally, I'd tell all those straight away who you would tell if anything went wrong. And explain that to them so that they feel like they're in on something. That's what we did. Then we had an emergency scan at 7 weeks as I had cramps, and so we knew bubba had a heartbeat and so we told everyone else!!

[boHOHOhemianbint]

Pheebe - That's exactly what I was hoping it would be like. DS is very hectic but in a good routine; sleeps 12-13 hours a night and a nap of 1.5-2 hours in the day, so I can't really complain on that score!

Mumblesmummy - congratulations and I hope the rest of your pregnancy is calm and event-free! I don't think you ever really feel 100% happy until you're holding your baby (and even then I still worried!) but you just have to assume everything will be ok.

I think we're going to start telling people this weekend. Exciting stuff!

[daisy26]

hi this is my first pregnancy and im only 6 weeks-people say wait bit longer but its exciting news n i cldnt keep it in till seen midwife-but i do understand u never know wot cud happen

[jaype]

Am ttc shortly but I expect we'll tell evryone at about 6 weeks - have one of each already so am a bit blase about the whole business this time round owing to previous luck! Last time dp made me wait till 14 weeks with each. If it doesn't take I'll be sad but really, I have done well so far and if i have to start again then so be it!

[missnatalie]

With my first pregnancy i told everyone as soon as i found out but sadly it wasnt ment to be as it was a EP.

2nd pregnancy told family after the 6w scan when beanie was confirmed to be in the right place but again it wasnt ment to be and ended in a MMC.

With my current pregnancy i didnt tell anyone until after the 12w scan and only then it was parents and brothers and sisters. Told friends round about 16w.

[mammabelleboo]

I found out I was pg for 2nd time a week b4 Xmas and we were going to keep it from the parents til about 8 or 10 weeks as we did with our 1st.......but like you, found it impossible to keep a secret at this time of the year. I love a nice glass of red wine and know it would have raised eyebrows if I kept refusing a drink over the Xmas period...my sis-in-law guessed after just one trip to the pub and my offer to drive on New Years Eve!!! So at the 11th hour on Xmas day when driving to my mum's we decided to just tell our parents. At the end of the day, i believe what will be will be regardless of who you have told - If anything goes wrong, there will be upset and disappointment - but I believe a caring parent would want to have been told so they can give support as obviously it would be an extremely sad thing to have to go through (please God, not). Hope your pregnancy goes well and take care x.

[scorpio1]

1st one told everyone asap

2nd one same again

3rd one (now 25 weeks) told my parents at 5 weeks, in-laws at 7 weeks, DF at 8 weeks and others at 12-15 weeks.

[micegg]

Your decision. I decided to tell people I would feel comforatable telling if something did go wrong as the chance of this is higher before 12 weeks. I therefore told family and close friends at about 8 weeks and other people after the scan.

[MerryBiglipsmas]

We told our parents, my brother and Dp's 2 sisters when i was about 6 weeks pg and also my Boss at work (even though he couldnt stop smirking all day long after i told him!!)....then i told my friends and my work colleagues when i was 12 weeks pg. One of my work colleagues knew i was pg as she could see a bump when i was about 7 weeks gone!! (She must've of been hawking at me!!)

[kerala]

After the 12 week scan. Basically would tell those before only if I would have told them about a miscarriage. Otherwise if you tell all and sundry at 3 weeks you then face the possibility of having to tell the whole world you've miscarried as has happened to friends of ours.

[bohemianbint]

Thanks everyone. Well, looks like the decision is out of our hands - I told my parents and now my mum is telling everyone.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh dear - mums do that!

I told everyone and put a ticker on facebook for those I'd missed because frankly I'm damn proud of myself for getting up the duff again!

My MiL said last time 'well I won't get my hopes up because I would be upset if it died'

SiL said something similar this time and I replied 'sod off with your pessimism you rude cow'. I blame hormones

[Ayomi]

told immediate family as soon as i got BFP (think what i said to DP was "take me to mum now!" ).
Had to tell work asap due to nature of job, but managers kept secret bless em. Started to tell friends after 12wk scan, however there were still some people out there who managed not to find out until last couple of weeks! Kinda obvious now at 25wks
Mostly I told people early for support, not to share news. Was really nervy til second trimester

[finallypregnant]

Only 2 people who I couldn't not - being very sick in front of them gave it away. Everyone else was by text as soon as I had my 12 week scan!

Wouldn't have risked telling anyone beforehand.

[glitterbird]

I only told my boss at 8 weeks as I had to take time of for early scans and was feeling awful and was hard to keep all the appointments secret and only told 1 close friend but dh and I decided not to tell anyone else until I had the 12 week scan as we did not want to risk haveing to tell all and sundry if anything went wrong. I had a couple of early scans due to bleeding. Also was afraid that my mum would repeat what she did when I got engaged a few years ago and told the entire world even my best friend who was on holiday abroad so I could not tell anyone the news myself which was quite upsetting. But its really up to you and what you feel most comfortable. Congratulations

[Kezza7779]

Well we were going to keep it a secret too (after a mc) but impossible over the xmas period. I told my mum and dad at 4.5 weeks and i didnt want to lie to IL's so told them too, i have found my sister in law to be great having just had her second child, shes given me advice and reassured me when ive had pains and things. Im glad i have told them as they have been great. If anything goes wrong i would want their support why should we suffer in silence, after all they are our family and would want to offer us love and support xx

[Excitable]

I don't really feel ready to tell anyone yet at 5 weeks! Very surprised by myself, as I've always said I'd be running out of the house with the BFP in my hand shouting "It's positive!"

However, I don't believe that you should be made to keep it a secret against your will AT ALL. And as for other people being upset if YOU miscarry, well, now I've heard it all Why should miscarrying be a big secret that no-one talks about? It's already a horrible experience without turning into a burden never to be spoken of. If you'd had a car crash, you could talk for months about how distressing you found the experience, even if you just came out with a scratch. Oooh, it makes me mad. I understand that not everyone wants to discuss their miscarriage with all and sundry, but whether to talk or not should be their decision, and other people should have the good grace to listen. So there!!

[JaneHH]

Hi everyone, newbie here! I hope you're not suffering tooooo much from your mum telling all and sundry, Bohemianbint. With any luck it'll mean lots of support from everyone around you! But I can imagine you were more than a little annoyed not to be able to tell everyone yourself.

My situation is a little different. I'm now 7 weeks pregnant for the second time having had to terminate my first pregnancy last year at 13 weeks because of a hereditary condition which I have and which the baby unfortunately also had. (I am adamant not to pass it on - it's a 50% chance of doing so.) Throughout that pregnancy I told absolutely no-one except my sister (and obv DH...), not even my mum, because I didn't know how people would react to the news that I'd opted to terminate. I had to go to two family weddings (good timing eh) and lie through gritted teeth about being on antibiotics (yeah right) and hated every minute of it.

This time round it was fantastic timing again (Christmas and New Year, as for a few other posters on here!) but this time I've told everyone who (as someone else mentioned above) I'd tell if it went wrong. E.g. my immediate family knows and I've also told other friends who have just sprogged last month and are desperate for me to have some children too (!). Work: a definite no unless/until the test at 10 weeks is a negative (I won't know the result until about 12-13 weeks). They think I had a miscarriage last time, so there's yet more lying involved, unfortunately.

PS I'm keeping a list of people I'm telling this time round so that I know who to tell what. Is that sad or what. If I get the go-ahead after 12-13 weeks then I will be telling EVERYBODY who wants to listen!

I wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation to me (to hijack the thread a little, sorry)?